Funny / Futurama Season 6

🎶In the year one million and a half, human kind is enslaved by giraffe...🎶

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Rebirth

• The opener of the premier episode. At least, the original version^note Repeats and the DVD substituted it with a generic line about "watching whatever crap comes on next", although the original line is included as part of the deleted scenes:
  Bender: On the count of three, you will awaken feeling refreshed, as if Futurama hadn't been canceled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots.
• Farnsworth recounting to Robot Fry, who has lost his recent memories, what happened immediately after the last movie ended.
  Farnsworth: Well, I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.
  [Flashback.]
  Zapp: Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.
  [On the Planet Express ship, Zapp's yodel sounds through the speakers. Kif sighs in the same rhythm as the yodel.]
  Farnsworth: (voiceover) So, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship...
  [Fry and Leela kiss in the background; Farnsworth, in the foreground, gives an Aside Glance.]
• Upon the wormhole turning out to lead back to Earth, the Professor compares the route they took to a Comedy Central network. And we’re on it now.
• After Zoidberg triumphantly declares that Planet Express is back, Zapp announces "Over my dead body." Zoom out to show that he hasn't been restored like the rest.
• "COMA COMA COMA COMA COMA CHAMELEOOOON!""
• Unlike Robot Leela, whose personality and memories are derived from security footage taken all over the Planet Express building and ship, Robot Fry's are drawn exlusively from the original Fry soliloquizing on the urinal surveillance tapes.
  Fry: (using the urinal) I sure love Leela.
• After the Fry we've seen throughout the episode is revealed as a robot, the real Fry emerges from Farnsworth's birthing machine at the most dramatic moment possible and in fine Cloud Cuckoolander form.
  Fry: (completely naked on the floor) Hey, where's my shoes?
  (All Gasp!.)
  Robot Fry: Fry!
  Fry: (pulling on his clothes) Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?
  Robot Fry: Trust me, don't ask.
  Fry: Okay, dork. Listen, I'm gonna hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela

• Zapp, suddenly awakened from a lustful dream by Kif, instantly springs into his typical mode of heroism.
  Zapp: I surrender and volunteer for treason!
• Zapp and Kif are summoned before Nixon.
  Zapp: Mr. President, what the hell?
  Nixon: At ease, Brannigan.
  [Zapp stops sucking in his fat gut.]
• As Zapp gets forced into one confession after another about he manipulated Leela, he delivers each in such an awkward and guilty tone that's rather hilarious when he switches tone entirely toward the end of it:
  Leela: (After Fry shows up alive) But how did you find this planet? [looks at Zapp menacingly] Well?
  Zapp: Oooheeeeeeaaaaiiiiiiih, we're actually on Earth! The ship's homing device brought us back!
  Leela: But I saw Earth explode!
  Zapp: I'm actually kinda proud of this one. You see...
• When Zapp & Kif at the underground White House, looking at the death sphere:
  Zapp: Magnify that death sphere! (the V-GINY is zoomed in, looking blurry) Why is it still blurry?
  Kif: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
  Zapp: It does on CSI: Miami!
• Sal rejecting Petunia's offer for $3.00 sex and going to the adult bookstore (which is the public library. Fry is confused until Bender points out that the "public library" now reads "pubic' library").
• The V-Giny satellite forcing Leela and Zapp to have sex so they can save humanity, and the Planet Express crew's disgusted reaction.
  Fry: For God's sake, censor it! CENSOR IT!
  V-Giny: Approved for all audiences!
  Fry: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Attack of the Killer App

• The Planet Express crew throws out their overly-complicated Japanese toilet.
  Toilet: Please, not to throw away. I'll give you Happy Poopy Time.
  Fry: Sorry, you know too much.
• Mom was on FIRE in this episode.
  Mom: Amazing! Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! [to her sons] Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards?
  Igner: Why are you so angry, Mommy?
  Mom: Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. YOU DUMB BASTARDS!!! [slaps all three at once]
  [later...]
  Mom: The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! [maniacal laughter]
  Larry: The important thing is we're a family.
  Mom: NO IT'S NOT!
  [Causes a chain reaction slap between all three]
  [still later...]
  Mom: A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped! Now I'll have two million zombies!
  Walt: Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies.
  Mom: All I can say for sure is... [slaps Walt] Now stop getting slapped and power up the Twitworm!
• The gang decide to go on-line to the Mom Store to get their eye-phones. Meaning they stand outside, in a line. Fry, just like us, gets confused.
  Fry: I thought you said it was on-line.
  Amy: We are on-line.
  Fry: But I thought you said the Mom Store was across town.
  Amy: It is across town!
  Fry: But I thought-
  Bender: Stop thinking, Fry!
• And the conclusion. Thousands of people marching zombie-like toward the Mom Store, cash in hand.
  Mom: Dumb bastards.

Proposition Infinity

• "If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me."
• "What will they legalize next? Gay robosexual marriage?!" - Morbo
• Bender graffitis a sign reading "Freeway Ends At Corner" into "Free Corn".
  Hyperchicken: Free corn?! That'll suit me just fine! (drives offscreen and a crash is heard along with a loud "BU-KAWK!")
• This part:
  Zoidberg: Hooray!
  Farnsworth: Hooray denied!

The Duh-Vinci Code

• Bender dragging The Last Supper into the lobby at Planet Express.
  Bender: Everybody at Kinkos was an idiot, so I brought the original.
• This classic:
  Leonardo Da Vinci: Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!
• In one of those lovely pieces that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of the episode:
  Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.
  Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
  Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at.
  Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
• Also, as Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.
  Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!
• Fry realizes that no one thinks he's very smart.
  Farnsworth: You can barely remember your own name, Einstein!
  Fry: (defensive) "Einstein" is a hard name to remember!

Lethal Inspection

• The robots killing each other. Could not stop laughing.
  Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot!
  Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)
  • Later
    Robot #1: We're going to get fired.
    Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1, gets himself destroyed by tunnel)
  • And again
    Robot: Cease fire; Mom called off the attack. Although I don't understand how it's her...
    Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other) ^note David X. Cohen enjoyed reusing some of the humor he employed in the Futurama videogame.
• Leela: Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless beancounters who blend into the woodwork.
  Hermes: *Wearing clothes that match the wall behind him* I beg to differ!
• The bit where a bunch of cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Hermes' cubicle.
  Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!
• Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power.
• This exchange:
  Hermes: You know what? I will help you, if only to prove I'm not a paper-pushing file jockey.
  Amy: Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?
  Hermes: (as he hides said cabinet in his pocket) None of your beeswax!
• Bender gets a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:
  Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!
• When Bender starts leaking oil:
  Zoidberg: You call that an ink defense?
  Tears off his clothes, screams loudly, and sprays ink from his armpits everywhere, drenching everyone
  Zoidberg (running off naked): Goodbye friends!
• The phone booth exchange:
  (Bender steps towards what appears to be a suicide booth. Hermes grabs him)
  Hermes: No, Bender. Suicide isn't necessarily the answer!
  Bender: It's not a suicide booth, you lardass, it's a phone booth!
  Hermes: They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this heavy cell phone around! (removes a cell phone from his jacket, and throws it away)
• The Professor and his special chair.
  Professor: Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels.
  Bender: Your wheelchair?
  Professor: (suddenly indignant) I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!
• After the concept of the backup unit is introduced, Amy naturally wants to know why Bender always screams when he's in danger.
  Bender: I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

The Late Philip J. Fry

• The Planet of the Apes (1968) parody.
  Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!
• As the three go through the history of existence for the third time:
  Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window. (fires gun) Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.
  • You have to love his first successful attempt at shooting Hitler, where he stops the time machine, steps out, shoots Hitler as he is giving a speech about his mustache, then gets back in, looking very pleased with himself.
• When Leela is told she can be sad and angry at the same time, she kicks the TV, yelling, "Hiiii-ya!" which swiftly turns into sobs.
• "I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late."
  • There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.
  Fry: That was the old Fry. (Beat) He's dead now.
• The parody version of "In the Year 2525".
  • "In the year 252525, the backwards time machine still won't have arrived. In all the world, there's only one technology - a rusty sword, for practicing proctology!" (cue Bender getting a sword up the ass)
  • The song claims that man's ultimate punishment will be... being enslaved by giraffes, and having to watch them eat every leaf they can.
• Farnsworth's completely blase reaction when they overshoot their first attempt at getting to the point when they left in the new universe.
  Farnsworth: We'll have to bring her around again!
• After the initial accidental trip to 10,000 AD, as Fry, Farnsworth and Bender sit around a campfire:
  Bender: Man, the future's a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! (He turns around as the camera pans over to reveal a couple of survivors huddled around another fire in the near distance.) No offense, fellas.
  Survivor: Don't sweat it, man!
  Fry: (He sighs.) I'll never see Leela again.
  Farnsworth: (sadly) No. Without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.
  Survivor: (yelling from offscreen) Dude, give it a rest!
• The news report about the Hedonism-bot's bachelor party Gone Horribly Wrong.
  Morbo: Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.
  Hedonism-bot: Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies, and then the explosion struck! (starts Cry Laughing)

That Darn Katz!

• The random opening ad for "Cash-Bone". The leg bone's connected to the CASH BONE!
• One of the funniest one-shot characters of the series is Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. Despite his name, he is a robot whose head is a Matell See'n Say, and can only speak in programmed lines such as "The cow says 'Moo!'" to which Farnsworth comments "He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since." (This makes a bizarre kind of sense when you remember that cows are extinct by the 31st century and that there are probably few historical records of what they would have said.) This leads up to a hilarious Bait-and-Switch when he assesses Amy for her doctorate:
  Professor Katz: We shall now vote, "Yay" or "Nay". Nay.
  Wernstrom: Nay!
  Bubblegum: Hell, nay!
  Professor Shpeekenshpell: The horse says, "DOCTORATE DENIED".
• "So you called my thesis a fat sack of crap, and then you stole it?" "Welcome to academia."
• The description of the cats trying to save their planet. It shows two cats, one operating a giant telescope, and the other... licking itself.
  • As the cat planet is burning, we hear the distressed meows of the population before someone on a neighboring planet screams "SHUT UP!!!" and slams a window.
• "Mr Winkles! Smudge-smudge! Dance with each other!"
  • "Aww. Damn, they are good."
• Calculon being more concerned that his scene was ruined and needs another take than everything and everyone suddenly being sent flying.
  Calculon: Cut! That extra looked at the camera, we'll have to do it again.
• The Cat Race's takeaway from several thousand years on Earth: "On the whole, Earth society is worthless. But they do have these things called "antique rugs" which are great for peeing on."
• Nibbler discovering the truth about Professor Katz: "It's one of those dog-operated puppets that have been adapted for use by a cat!"
• Farnsworth's pep-talk to Amy about her thesis had every grad student dying since we've all been there:
  Amy: But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow and I've barely had time to prepare.
  Farnsworth: Nonsense. You've been my grad student for twelve years. You were ready six years ago.
  Amy: What?
  Farnsworth: I probably should have told you.
• "Technology isn't intrinsically good or evil, it's how it's used. Like the death ray!"
• Amy's "Eureka!" Moment, which the Professor scorns.
  Amy: That's it! Professor, I know how to save the Earth!
  Professor: Pfft, you can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (gasps) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!
• Definitely one of the sillier gags in the series (and that's saying a lot), after the cats get their planet to start spinning again, one cat in observation says, "Well now, this calls for a celebration." Cue a bunch of cats getting together and doing the cancan.

A Clockwork Origin

• The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain.
  • Even funnier when Farnsworth and Dr. Banjo finish when they get to Darwinius masillae, which was in reality was an early relative of lemurs which predated ancient apes.
• While on the robot planet, Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds a slingshot consisting of a piece of metal and an elastic (from his own pants). It takes him TWELVE HOURS. And then they go to bed AGAIN because it's too dark.
• Also also when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:
  Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
  Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.
  Bender [To Farnsworth]: That'll be ten thousand dollars.
• Also also also, the Professor hitting a rich vein of missing links: Java Man, Piltdown Man, and Manfred Mann.
• "Objection! In the absence of pants, the defense's suspenders serve no purpose!"
• When Farnsworth tries to defend evolution.
  Dr. Banjo: Things don't exist simply because you believe in them! Thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!
  • Keep in mind that they're in space when Dr. Banjo says it.
• This instant classic is SOOOO darkly funny.
  "I don't want to live on this planet anymore."
• "Uh oh, it's another of Fry's dogs!" - Hermes, digging up another fossilized mutt before disposing it.
• Professor Farnsworth using nanobots to free the river of "nasty irritants".
  Fry: Speaking of nasty irritants, what'll become of Cubert?
  • According to the Professor, Cubert has been "Lovingly abandoned" with his godfather. Cut to Zoidberg and Cubert sitting at a table with a dome plate cover between them.
  Zoidberg: Cubert, I felt that we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves (removes the dome) and boiled them up for dinner!
  Cubert: Why won't you just go to hell?
  Zoidberg: Wait, we still have to discuss the facts of life! What are they?
• After the trilobots devour the Planet Express Ship...
  Leela: Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

The Prisoner of Benda

• The entire episode. All of the crazy body swapping shenanigans are a true spectacle.
• The Professor defending his machine killing heaps of monkeys. "Science cannot move forward without heaps!"
• Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.
  Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. [collapses onto his bed, sobbing] Yep.
• The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
• Big Bertha defending her Heroic Sacrifice:
  Professor: You could have a rich, full life!
  Big Bertha: I am TRYING to have a rich, full life!
• "This is for Big Bertha!" (the Professor utterly misses the general, and hits the wall with a small "doink") "That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha."
• And, of course, from the beginning of the episode, this:
  Linda: Tonight at eleven...
  Morbo: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
• Princess Flavia's amazing reaction to everything:
  Emperor Nikolai: Dearest, meet Bender, he's a robot in the body of a Chinese-Martian physicist.
  Flavia: How tedious.
• "I'm afraid we need to use... MATH!" (dramatic sting)
• Bender in Amy's body proving he's a robot to Nikolai and Basil... by moon-walking.
  Basil: He... steps forward but moves backwards!
  Nikolai: By the gods, he is a machine!

Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

• Fry's hilariously awful "Delivery Boy Man" comics. All three of them.
  • And of course Zoidberg loves them.
• "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
• "I'm sick of being critiqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
• "Joss Whedon's here?"
• "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"
  • For context: Bender blatantly cosplaying as Leela at Comic-Con under the name "Nerdgasma."
    Leela: What the hell are you supposed to be?
    Bender: Every nerd's fantasy, baby.
• The part with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen as themselves, showing the new show Futurella — which, due to FOX "streamlining the cancellation process", has effectively killed the show before the opening sequence was even done and Matt Groening shooting Bender with lasers after Bender asks if he was going to make another Simpsons movie.
• And by Orson Welles, when his War of the Worlds-style broadcast leads to the Omicrons conquering earth without a fight
  Welles: Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?
  • Welles' constant complaining through Fry's amateur production.
  Welles: A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's in a spaceship miles in the air? It's just foolish on itself!
  Fry: If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote!
  Welles: Very well, I shall comply...
  • And his introduction in the first place:
  Orson Welles: (when approached in the Head Museum) You're asking me, the renowned spokesperson for Paul Mason wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?
  Fry: Sorry, never mind.
  Orson Welles: I'll do it for free.
• Grrrl: Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get it?
  Lrrr: What, this old thing? I murdered my father.
• This line after Lrr grabs Leela by the hair and throws her:
  Leela: He messed up my hair.
  Kif: I'm missing a leg!
• Bender's telescopic eyes drooping after seeing Lrr's centerfold of a nude Omicronian woman.
• The talking ads in Fry's Delivery Boy Man comic.
  Paper-hatted salesman: Amuse your friends with real vomit!
  Man Carrying Trunk: Throw your voice!
  Sea Monkey: Sea monkeys!
  Strongman: Throw your sea monkeys!

The Mutants Are Revolting

• Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins. The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.
  • The bit wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the the crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
• After Leela gets dumped in the sewers:
  Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
  Leela's Mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a nice, regular hole.
• "I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered!" - Hedonismbot coming to Bender's party.
• After scolding Zoidberg for not being respectful to the Land Bus victims, the Professor starts using the captain's skull and leg to smash open a safe. And when Fry makes another stupidly obvious statement, he slaps him with the guy's arm.
• "One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face."
• As part of the mutant revolution, Fry and Leela manage to get the help of (what's left of) Devo.
  Mark Mothersbaugh: As longtime mutants, we support your righteous struggle and will do anything we can for you.
  Dwight: Play "Whip It!"
  Mark Mothersbaugh: No. (turns to the rest of the band) Play the other one.
  (they start playing "It's a Beautiful World")
• "Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?"

The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

• As the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:
  Fry: Why do they call it that?
  The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm.
  Farnsworth: Because it doesn't have any pigment.
• Parasites make space-bees racist, apparently.
  Space-bee: Are y' black with yellow stripes, or yellow with black stripes?
  Other space-bee: Yellow with black stripes, man.
  (the first bee pulls out a shotgun)
  Space-bee: Why don' you just move along?
• "We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way."
• The Kwanzaa Rap has a lyric where Barbados Slim states that his sexual proclivities always change. During this, he acts flirtatious towards Zoidberg!
• The Professor chucking a small nuke at Robot Santa is both awesome and funny since the nuke comes in the form of a fruitcake.
  Professor: (singing) And if Grandma's Xmas fruit cake finally reaches critical mass, it can be regifted straight to Santa's ass!
• Amy on Kwanzaa getting cancelled:
  This will be the year without Kwanzaa! Like every year before 1966!

The Silence of the Clamps

• Zoidberg: My name isn't "Slick". It's Zoidberg. JOHN (bleeped)-ing ZOIDBERG!!
• Bender finds himself in hot water:
  Bella: Yeah, daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. (Scare Chord, Bender is horrified) And guys who mess around with his daughters. (Scarier Chord, Bender is terrified) And attempts to duplicate his meatball recipe. (Bender pulls some meatballs out of his chest cavity, Scariest Chord)
• A mortally terrified Bender confesses that he witnessed Calculon's assault:
  Bender: All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it! I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter! (sobbing) I'm scared and great at sex!
  Leela: Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully-edited version of what you just said.
  Bender: What, and have the Mafia come after me too? No way! This secret goes to my grave!
  Robot Detective: (on TV news) The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward.
  [Cut to outside of bureau.]
  Bender: (excited) Oooh! Oooh! A-and then Calculon said, "No. No. NOOOOOOO!" And then, I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my fifty bucks now?
  Robot Detective: I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene.
  • Followed quickly by Bender enjoying the recitation of this narrative in court way too much.
    Bender: And then the Donbot said "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"
    Donbot: I think we've heard enough.
    Bender: Wait, I'm not finished. "—O!" Now I'm finished.
• Calculon: Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you. [singing] Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon! Calculon! Calcu-LOO-OOON!!
• Bender in court:
  Robot Lawyer: Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burglearsonarceny"?
  Bender: That's a wholly-owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here!
  Judge 724: That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three.
  (He presses a button and a rotating panel in the wall takes Bender into another courtroom.)
  Judge: You are charged with two counts of burglearsonarceny. How do you plead?
  Bender: Not innoguiltycent! (He presses a button and the panel switches him back.)
• "So that moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father!" [Beat, then everyone cheers]
• "Billy West. What a stupid, phony, made-up name!" - Fry
• A blink-and-you'll-miss-it one, but during Zoidberg's epic showdown against Clamps, the Planet Express crew duck behind a water barrel. As Zoidberg and Clamps stare each other down in true Showdown at High Noon fashion, the camera turns to the crew, panning to each of them who watch in horror... except the Professor, who's looking in the wrong direction.

Möbius Dick

• The space crew being dragged through the fourth dimension by the space whale. Their words are said forwards and backwards: Hermes can see sideways in time, Amy can see in CGI, Fry uses a palindrome phrase: "Poop", and Bender experiences a conga line of infinite Benders chanting, "Bender, Bender, Ben-DER!"
  • What really sells Bender's part is his little "aww yeah!" beforehand. You can tell he's been waiting his whole life for this opportunity.
• "I used to hunt giraffes on safari, and giraffes are basically just land space whales." - Amy.
• Leela after returning to Earth with the crew in the middle of their memorial service:
  Leela: Hello everyone. I supposed you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale.
  Farnsworth: I'll admit to a polite interest.
• Some Casual Danger Dialogue from Bender and Leela as the whale is about to swallow the ship:
  Bender: Holy crap, it's a giant space fish!
  Leela: Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish, it's a space mammal.
  Bender: Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.
• When Hermes contradicts Leela, she threatens to use her authority as captain to force him to marry Bender.
  Hermes: (gasps) You wouldn't dare!
  Bender: (indifferent) I've been married to worse.
  • Sure enough, when Leela goes over the edge, she decides to back up that threat.
    Leela: Fry and Zoidberg, I now declare you - (the others tackle her)
    Zoidberg: Aww, so close...
• Leela's Space Madness getting so extreme she decides to be a one-woman crew, and still turns on herself.
• "Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be experiencing symptoms of illin'."
• The current crew's surprise at how Zoidberg was in the flashback to the disappearance of the original Planet Express crew.
  Hermes: Zoidberg was popular?
  Amy: Zoidberg had hair?
  Farnsworth: I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business!

Law and Oracle

• The recreation of the first scene from the pilot episode, with Fry playing a game based on Paperboy.
• Roberto hold Zoidberg hostage and lays out his demands.
  Roberto: Listen up piggies! I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich and a new face with like... a Hugh Grant look! And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's gonna get stabbed in the ass!
  Zoidberg: He's bluffing! [stab noise] Ouch! He's not bluffing!
• This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.
  Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy?
  Fry: That was the plan.
  Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either.
  Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me.
  Officer: [Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake] Welcome to police academy.
• URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:
  URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
  Fry: What happened?
  URL: He took an early retirement. Damn.
• There's a sight gag of the outside of the police station where two people matching the wanted posters, right down to their clothes and hairstyles, are walking past.
• Fry and URL arrest Erwin Schrodinger:
  URL: What's in the box, Schrodinger?
  Schrodinger: Ermm...a cat, some poison, and a Cesium atom.
  Fry: The cat. Is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?!
  URL: Answer him, fool!
  Schrodinger: It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.
  Fry: (grabbing the box) Says you.
  (A cat leaps from the box and attacks Fry. While Fry struggles with the cat, URL takes a look inside the box.)
  URL: There's also a lotta drugs in there.
• While Fry, URL, and Chief O'Mannahan are in the changing rooms naked after Fry and URL return from a case.
  Chief O'Mannahan: Congratulations on that big bust.
  Fry: You too!
• "Shall we adjourn now to the dungeon?" - Hedonismbot in a bondage outfit, showing up in the middle of Fry arresting Pickles the Oracle.
• A later case has them dealing with a "future homicide", which involves a Dashing Hispanic, an Old Maid with a lot of money and a band of parakeets.
  Hattie: So he didn't really want to marry me?
  URL: Nah, see he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will.
  Fry: He was gonna murder you, marry your parakeets and then poison them with an arsenic laced cuttlebone!
  URL: Classic move. Aw, yeah.
• When Fry is given a promotion at the end to 'Executive' Delivery Boy. The line Hermes delivers as the names of the Executive Producers shows up on the screen.
  Hermes: It's a meaningless title, but it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.
  Fry: I feel better about myself!
• URL: The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should've known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams!
• Leela attempts to talk to Bender in Fry's absence:
  Leela: ...So. You're a robot?
  (Uncomfortably long pause.)
  Bender: ...Ugh. (He turns to look out the spaceship window.)
• The delivery mission to Pandora (yes, that Pandora) gives this exchange:
  Leela: Wouldn't it be easier to send our avatars?
  Professor: No, it's cheaper for you to die.
• The episode remembers Bender is (supposedly) the ship's cook. So when Leela suggests he does that, he storms off, returns with a sandwich, and throws it in her face.

Benderama

• Much of the episode counts, honestly. In particular, Bender and his clones dancing.
• "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
  Morbo: Water is no—now booze, and everyone's... titty much protally fit-shaced.
  
  Linda: The Indy 500 was today! There were no survivors.
• This particular line:
  Bender: [referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship] Oh God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!
• The Professor showing the complex mathematical equation explaining what the Benders will result in. Everyone gasps in horror and there's a Scare Chord... except for Fry.
  Fry: Don't wait for me to catch up.
  Professor: It means they're non-convergent!
  Fry: Oh, dip!
• The Professor reveals the solution is to kill all the Benders. When original Bender naturally asks if this includes him, the Professor nonchalantly shoots him point-blank... killing the tiny Bender inside the Bible inside Bender's chest.
• Linda's reaction to the news about the microscopic Benders consuming all the alcohol in the world.
  "I CAN NO LONGER FACE MY CHILDREN!!!"
• The montage of the Planet Express Crew killing the Bender clones set to the Presidents of the United States of America's cover of the song "Rock and Roll Pest Control."
• The tiny Benders have a speakeasy in a Mouse Hole. We see one get in by saying "Bender sent me."
  Tiny Bender: (walks in to find at least 40 Benders drinking and partying) Hey, I know that guy.
• Scruffy sweeping up the dead Benders and eulogizing with "A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld," before concluding with, "Welp, into the turlet."
• The scene immediately after where a sick Bender coughs and mutters, "So sober, so weak" after going so long without alcohol.
  • Fry and Leela are pretty okay with this.
    Leela: Things really worked out nicely this time.
• This scene from when everyone on Earth is drunk:
  Hermes: You wanna see a picture of my boy?
  Zoidberg: Sure. (Hermes shows him a picture) That's your penis!
  Hermes: That's my boy.
• Drunk Fry is incoherent even for Fry.
  Fry: He's here for revenging, that's why!
• The drunken Farnsworth laughing like a hyena after insulting the giant.

The Tip of the Zoidberg

• The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
• The fact that on Zoidberg's office door the M in M.D. is in quotation marks.
• Fry's various diseases caused by Zoidberg's incompetence. First he has Simpsons jaundice, where his skin is yellow ("Ay carumba!"). Then he gets Garfield Syndrome, where his skin turns orange and gets a cat like face ("I hate Mondays"). Then he gets Muppets gangrene, where his skin is green and his eyes look like Kermit the Frog's ("It's not easy being gangrenous"). And finally he gets an unnamed disease where he's blue and gets a bulbous nose like a Smurf.
• The flashback where Farnsworth and Zoidberg are part of a landing party on Triton and Zoidberg warns Hubert of Tritonian malaria.
  Zoidberg: Just be sure to avoid the methane swamps. (they land on a swamp) What smells like methane?
• After a more-than-usually intense run of malpractice incidents on Zoidberg's part, the crew confront the Professor and demand that he be fired.
  Farnsworth: No. If I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.
  [All shouting at once:]
  Hermes: —Ya can't do that!
  Leela: —We can't do that! No!
  Fry: —Oh no. No. Don't even go—No.
  Bender: —What'd Scruffy ever do to you?!
  Amy: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
• The crew return from another delivery:
  Leela: Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects.
  Fry: (revealing a hand stuck full of spines) So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.
• As Zoidberg tries to strangle Farnsworth to death:
  Farnsworth: No, wait! I’m afraid to die!
  Zoidberg : (groans) You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?
  Farnsworth: Yes and no.

Ghost in the Machines

• Bender's Ghost: Hold on to your dookie- it's about to get spooky!
• Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:
  Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!"
• Unable to get his coworkers to hear him, Bender runs into the Robot Devil and asks him what's going on.
  Robot Devil: Isn't it obvious, Bender?
  Bender: Yeah, I guess it is.
  Robot Devil: YOU'RE DEAD!
  Bender: What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.
• When Bender follows the Robot Devil to his office:
  Bender: Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.
  Robot Devil: ([He's already set up a backdrop, a gramophone, and is wearing a coconut bra and grass skirt]) Aw, you're no fun.
  • A little latter, when Robot Devil is trying to goad Bender into killing Fry, he is relunctant at first, but goads him by singing the fan-favorite "Robot Hell Song," which Bender immediately caves in when he starts singing the first verse.
    Bender: Okay! I'll do it! I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!
• YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.
  Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
• "Let the seance begin!" "I SAID SCIENCE!"
• Bender (as a ghost): Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is Hell!
  Robot Devil: Feh! You wish!
  [And the Robot Devil just happens to be perusing a magazine with his face on the cover, titled "Life In Hell".]
• The Planet Express Crew discuss how Bender's death has affected the business.
  [Hermes is using Bender's antenna to point to a graph on a holographic screen]
  Hermes: As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.
  [Scruffy enters, vacuuming with Bender's compartment, leg, and footcup.]
  Hermes: Do you mind doing that later?!
  Scruffy: Bite my shiny metal ass.
  [The line in the graph on the screen rises]
• In one of Bender's attempts to scare Fry to death, Fry is making toast and when one piece pops out of the toaster it reads "BO". Fry is confused by it until the second piece pops out, completing the message with "O!", frightening Fry.
• Bender's Ghost: You're not Granny Hester! What have you done with Granny Hester?!
  Robot Devil: She's naked, but unharmed.
• "AAAAGH! A GHOST! Oh, it's just you."
• The mayor asks Fry to say a few words, which leads to a typically Cloud Cuckoolander pronouncement:
  Fry: Uh, heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.
  • Before that:
    Mayor: What's your name, son?
    Fry: (shrugs) I dunno. Fry?
• "Survived the heart attack?! Damn you, Obamacare!"
• A pretty funny lampshading of the show's Flintstone Theming with regard to robots after Bender ascends from Robot Hell to Robot Heaven:
  Bender: I wanna go back to Robot Earth! I mean regular Earth!

Neutopia

• From "Neutopia":
  Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur?
  (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground)
  Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?

Yo Leela Leela

• The TV shows being focus tested on the orphans, including “Extreme Toddler Wrestling” and “Popular Slut Club”. Keep in mind, these are shows intended for a kids network.
• Hermes line, "Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high."
• The song, "So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bugs/Don't eat pastrami/That fell on the rug!"
• Leela's breakdown after Abner Doubledeal turns Rumbledy Hump into a reality show and gives all the orphans jobs on the set of the show.
• Bender stepping on one of the kids and lighting the match to his cigar on the head of another kid.
• This:
  Leela: If it's alive, don't lick it!
  Zoidberg: Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket!
  Bender: I LIKE TURTLES!
  Leela: So if you're not sure if it's alive or dead,
  Poke it with a stick and lick the stiiiiiiiiick...instead!

Fry Am the Egg Man

• Fry trying out the Amazonians' "Aunt Snu-Snu's Maple Syrup"
  Thog: Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian syrup?
  Fry: Sure. That's the kinda sap I like.
  Thog: You the kinda sap I like.
  Fry: I'm scaroused!
• Fry tries to put down his pet bone vampire Mr. Peppy, revealing that it's really Angus McZongo in disguise.
  McZongo: The bloody idiot bloody shot me! I'm all bloody bloody!
  Fry: Mr. Peppy? Bullets make you talk?
• A classic Insult Backfire:
  Fry: Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster.
  Zoidberg: What are you, my driver's license?
• Later, Fry tries defending keeping Mr. Peppy even though he's dumb and hideous, leading to this from Amy:
  Amy: That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look how that turned out!
  Zoidberg: She's right.

All the Presidents' Heads

• When George Washington's head reveals that one of the worst traitors of the American Revolution was a Farnsworth, the Professor accuses him of lying.
  Leela: He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.
• (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)
  Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!
• Also:
  Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
  Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.
  (Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H. W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big "NO!")
• From David Farnsworth's Head:
  Farnsworth: I killed George Washin'ton an' now I'm marred to one of the Spice Girls! ...(slightly somber) Don't rightly know which one.
• And:
  Bender (Cockney accent): Say, 'ow is it that we've got socialized medicine—[turns around to reveal terrible dental problems]—BOT ME TEETH STILL LOO' LIKE THIS?
• Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."
• Hermes talking to Thomas Jefferson's head:
  Hermes: So...You grow hemp?
  Thomas Jefferson: Yes.
  Hermes: And...You do what with it?
  Thomas Jefferson: All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope...
  Hermes (disappointed): Oh. Well, nice talking to you. (leaves off-screen)
  Thomas Jefferson: Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.
  [Hermes comes back, running.]
  Hermes: Let me give you my pager number.
• This exchange, when they're looking at the counterfeits made by David Farnsworth.
  Benjamin Franklin: This is a fake!
  Fry: Duh! It says "Colony of Maffachufetts"!
  Bender: More like "Taxachufetts"!
  Benjamin Franklin: (sighs) That's just how we print our S's, you ftupid fhitheads!

Cold Warriors

• The NNYPD have a very extreme view of quarantine.
  URL: You stay in there until we think it's safe to come in and shoot your asses.
• Manhattan is succumbing to the common cold! What should we do?!
  Zapp: Execute Order 62.
  Dramatic chord
  Nixon: Impossible! We don't have nearly enough piranhas.
  Zapp: In that case, Order 63!
  • ...which is to hurl Manhattan into the sun.
  Zoidberg: Oh no, they're going to throw us into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas!
  • Before that:
  Hermes: Well, it could be worse. (Cue giant laser) It is worse!
• The Professor's way of extracting the cold from Fry: Grind him into paste with multiple saws. And his lament when he doesn't get to use them.
• A flashback shows Fry wasn't the only person stuck doing the pizza boy job at Pannuci's (or that the Professor's What If Machine might've been on to something showing Stephen Hawking going there).
  Pannuci: Hey, Barack! Pizza goin' out! C'mmmooooon!
  Barack: (sigh) I've got to go back to law school...

Overclockwise

• With his processing speed boosted, Bender can tell what things are going to happen in advance...such as a ceiling fan falling onto Zoidberg. When Mom's drones at the end drag him off to be restored to factory settings, Bender asks Zoidberg to take a few steps aside, and the doctor does so- a ceiling fan hits him. And among the various things Bender wrote down while omniscient was a list of ceiling fans.
• Zoidberg's proposal to save Planet Express is to stage a play, which Nibbler suggests that they call "Nibbler on the Roof". We don't see the play, but here's the aftermath:
  Nibbler: (dressed as Tevye, sad) We've had some tough times, (happy) but at least we won a Tony! [pulls out a Tony Award]
  Zoidberg: (jealous) You won a Tony. Feh!
  • The fact that this is what causes Leela to leave the planet and break up with Fry in the process.
    Leela: I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed.
• After Farnsworth and Cubert end up in jail.
  Farnsworth: You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery?
  Cubert: ...How. You taught me how!
  Farnsworth: I also taught you not to get caught!

Reincarnation

• During the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:
  Hey aliens, we will kill you, and dishonor your widows... by making them gather wood.
  • It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
• In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.
  Leela: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.
• Bender: THAT'S ALL YOU GET, JERKS!
• From the 8-bit game parody:
  Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe!
  Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare.
  Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!
  • "Leela, 'no' means no!"
  • The "log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea" rhymes. Until they stop.
• The beginning of the 8-bit parody has the Professor announcing he's nearly solved all scientific conondrums. Bender's only takeaway?
  Bender: Does this mean we can leave early?
  Farnsworth: Certainly not!
  Bender: (Angrish)
• Farnsworth: "The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal." (Cheers)
• This:
  Amy: It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking Ja-English like us, they speak by dancing.
• KAJIGGERU DESU!
• "Foreigners killed our god! Many words of disapproval!"