Fan Fic / Uninvited Guests
is... technically... a Bleach Fan Fic
. The story begins with the 11th Division burning down their own barracks and choosing, logically, to move their entire Division to the next building over... the 10th Division barracks. What follows can best be described as Bleach
on crack (and possibly several more potent narcotics)
The focus of the story is 10th Division Captain Hitsugaya and his (futile) attempts to deal with the situation in a mature manner, even as the 11th Division cheerfully and unintentionally opposes him, his own vice-captain is of limited value, and the universe itself seems to go out of its way to ruin every single aspect of his life. From this fairly simple premise, the situation slowly but surely degrades, eventually dragging down the entire Soul Society and even Hueco Mundo into a whirling spiral of madness. And at least one war. Things frequently happen for no reason other than they would be funny
, and neither the characters nor the subject matter are spared; Comedic Sociopathy
abounds in the cast, and plot-holes and tropes from the series are mocked and lampshaded without mercy. Despite this, most (keyword 'most') of the cast largely do
manage to stay surprisingly close to their established characterization, if that characterization were slowly driven to madness over an extended period.
This story comes highly recommended
Warning: Don't read this in a library, or anywhere else that uncontrollable laughter will get you in trouble.
Complete, as of 11/25/2011.
Uninvited Guests provides examples of:
- All According to Plan: Parodied (what else?) in several instances:
- Aizen hasn't actually planned any of this, but that hasn't stopped him from trying to claim he has.
- Chapter 36: Parodied to hell on a horse like a bat, then back out with a pogo stick.
- Aizen continues to say it was all according to plan... even when he's furiously running away.
- All Just a Dream:
- Done in the first chapter, where Hitsugaya dreams Nanao is his lieutenant.
- Well, did you really think Komamura was going to save the day?
- Black Sheep: Chapter 11 was of noticeably lower quality than the usual high comedic standard the story is held up to, to the point where even the characters themselves seem to know it's better to pretend that it never happened.
- Blatant Lies / Seamless Spontaneous Lie
Grimmjow: So, let me get this straight. You are newly-minted Arrancar, freshly Shinigamified.
Ikkaku: Can we think of a different word for that?
Grimmjow: But you're not just Arrancar. You're Arrancar from the future. And just after being de-masked,
Ikkaku: Much better.
Grimmjow: You were attacked by a strange woman with magical powers who zapped you into the past, and you didn't know about me or your numbers because in the future, all of the Arrancar have taken up… what was it?
Matsumoto: Cake baking.
Grimmjow: Ah, yes. All the Arrancar have become bakers, and there's no need for us to be numbered or organized into a military unit.
Matsumoto: That's right!
Grimmjow: … … … and this was REALLY the best story you could think up?
- Book Ends: It begins and ends with Hitsugaya and Nanao doing paperwork together in some form.
- Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:
"My point is, I'm barely qualified to offer psychological advice to people who don't actually need it. You people… you're all lunatics. I'm just a normal Arrancar. I get up in the morning, I put my pants on one leg at a time, I feast on the souls of the innocent, I go to sleep at night. I'm not equipped to deal with you lunatics!"
- Break the Cutie: A comedic example. Shiro-chan undergoes at least three separate nervous breakdowns. Eventually, it becomes an effective battle tactic.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: There have been several indications that the characters are fully aware they are in a work of fiction; Orihime once even puts Hitsugaya in time-out because he breaks the fourth wall too many times in one chapter. This becomes Aizen's master plan. He even calls it Plot Armor.
- Butt-Monkey: Toshiro, obviously, but Ukitake, Ichigo, Byakuya, and even Aizen get turns in the 'spotlight'. Basically, if the narrative focusses on a character for any length of time, something bad is probably about to happen to them. And even the most beset upon characters don't respect the Stealth Forces.
- Captain Obvious: Some of the chapter titles. For example, chapter 32: He Doesn't Like that Nickname.
- Cats Are Mean: Sort of. The cat in question is a hallucination, but it is quite evil nonetheless.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Almost everyone to some degree, though Nel and Yachiru are the most obvious. And when you put them together, it's a laugh.
- Close Call Hair Cut: When Rangiku is "sparring" with Zaraki.
- Conservation of Ninjutsu: In full effect for both sides and Lamp Shaded in Chapter 31. The Stealth Forces of the Soul Society aren't respected by anyone. Their leader, Soi Fon, has basically conquered the entire realm single-handedly. One Arrancar is a massive threat to the shinigami; as a group, they're pretty much useless, since all but three of them are insane; one's lazy, one's on the hero's side, and the last's alone in his world.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: Gin's torture of Yumichika in chapter 21.
- Crucified Hero Shot: The Ichigo Machine.
- Curse Cut Short between 30 and 31, and earlier in 18.
- Death Seeker: In chapter 34, Ukitake finally snaps from all the crap this fic has put him through on top of suffering from tuberculosis. Instead of going into homicidal rage like Toshiro, Ukitake wants to die.
- Deus ex Machina: Discussed.
Hitsugaya: So do it, Ichigo. Grow some ultra-strong new Hollow powers, or... I don't know, miraculously discover a Super-Bankai at the last second. Fix that hole in your chest, put on your mask, and kill all these guys. Come on. Do it. For once, I want your superhuman luck to be of benefit to me. Get up, save the day, and prove me wrong.
- Disappointed In You: Unohana does this in chapter 35, when she uses her Team Mom status to guilt trip Soi Fon into surrendering her hold on Soul Society.
- Distinction Without a Difference: They don't want to kidnap Yachiru. They just want to clandestinely steal her from her legal guardians and hold her captive for an undetermined amount of time.
- Earn Your Happy Ending:
The Universe is very cruel. Very, very cruel indeed. It kicks you when you're down, then kicks you again. It watches everything you do and tailors its actions to perfectly ruin your life in every way it possibly can, and it does all of this for fun.
But sometimes? If you keep playing the game, never give up for more than a few hours at a time, and if you put on a good enough show?
It can throw you a bone.
- Eldritch Abomination: Byakuya seems to think Yachiru is one, up to and including only referring to her as 'The Yachiru' because simply 'Yachiru' "Makes her sound too... human."
- Embarrassing Nickname:
- Hitsugaya keeps his canon 'shiro-chan' and picks up the even more detestable 'Hitsu-playa'.
- Yachiru gave Aizen the nickname 'Nerd'. One of the reasons he destroyed is glasses when he defected was so he would never have to hear the nickname again.
- Everybody Knew Already:
Matsumoto (About Ikkaku's Bankai): Dude, everybody already knows. Zaraki is the only one who hasn't figured it out. Well, Yachiru probably hasn't either, but that's not saying much.
- Evil Is Petty: At one point, Aizen has the revelation that perhaps he was betraying Soul Society, committing many depraved acts and attempting to become a god simply to have an excuse to get away from all the lunatics there. He finds the theory depressingly petty. Though no action seems to be too petty when it comes to Yachiru.
- Filler Villain: In chapter 39, Komamura is specifically brought in to play this role.
- Flanderization: Everyone's character quirks are exaggerated to near (or occasionally literally) psychotic levels. And there's nothing wrong with that. Only one who survives this is Ulquiorra, save for his sanity being strained by the lunatics around him. Even then, though, this lasts up until Chapter 32.
- From Bad to Worse: Chapter 37 has this when Aizen finally reveals his master plan: Stealing Ichigo's Plot Armor for his side.
- Gilligan Cut:
Matsumoto: Now, Captain Hitsugaya is, well... a Captain. So he's faster than we are, no doubt, but we can probably still catch up to him, just because he's going to be in the living world for a long time. I mean, he'd have to find a gate to Hueco Mundo, and I seriously doubt anyone will actually help him get there! Nobody could be THAT completely irresponsible!
Urahara: Well, yes, I suppose I can get you to Hueco Mundo for your top-secret mission.
- Hates Everyone On His Side Equally: Grimmjow;
"The fact that one of our own number has defected, casting doubt on the rest of us?" Ulquiorra guessed. Grimmjow resisted the urge to punch him. Man, he hated that guy.
"The fact that we're… ::yawn::… awake?" Starrk wondered. Grimmjow resisted the urge to kick him. Man, he hated that guy.
"The fact that I haven't eaten in almost two hours? By the way, you guys are probably a lot more edible than you think, so one of you should probably do something about that." Yammy suggested. Grimmjow resisted the urge to stab him. Man, he hated that guy.
- The Hero: At first, Ichigo. Then it's forcibly Aizen. Then it's (thanks to Yachiru) Toshiro. Who has really (if unofficially) been in this role from the get-go.
- Hilarity Ensues: Just...read the premise.
- Hostile Show Takeover: In chapter 37 Aizen forcibly steals Ichigo's main character status, thereby granting him the powers of plot.
- Humiliation Conga: Ulquiorra and Aizen have had better days...
- For Aizen's case; Aizen is, first, attacked by an insane Toshrio practically out of the blue, and the result of none of the Espadas taking the sword away from him result in all of them being crippled and he himself "wrapped in bandages like a mummy". He runs into Toshrio and company several times, but it really tops itself when, after having seen Szayel break down from his burning lab, snaps himself when Yachiru destroys the throne he had. Not only did Aizen get his Embarrassing Nickname called back, Yachiru also forgot who Aizen was. During all of this, half-to-entire-wings of his base have been obliterated, as well as on fire AND frozen at the same time. Eventually, Aizen, when Toshiro becomes Murphy's Law-Aware, crashes down 30-something floors of his base and falls into a pit of hungry Hollows. Later, when he claims it was "all part of his plan", Gin proceeds to kick him down the same hole. And this is before he stole the Plot Armor...
- Ulquiorra, on the other hand, gets to see his base burned and frozen down, gets his arms damaged to a point it's amazing he could lift a sword still, and gets to see the Espadas fail around him and be defeated in one swoop, causing him to turn Not So Stoic and snap at Grimmjow and Nnoitora. And what's his reward? Getting his wings frozen and having a child grab him by the throat and demand to have his name called, as he's the last Arrancar awake, and is thrown to the side like, ironically, trash. As well, the only Arrancar he considered sane was on the hero's side, and everyone around him were "idiotic lunatics".
- I Have Boobs, You Must Obey!: Matsumoto is genuinely confused when undoing her robe doesn't distract Hitsugaya:
"DAMMIT, STRIPPING IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!" Hitsugaya roared, blushing furiously and covering his eyes.
"NO! YOUR BOOBS ARE NOT AN ALL-PURPOSE PROBLEM SOLVER!"
"Really? But they've always worked in the past." Matsumoto said, a little confused.
- In Love with Your Carnage: Tia Halibel falls head-over-heels for Hitsugaya after watching him crush her fellow Espada in a madness-fueled rampage, going as far to even defect.
- Implausible Deniability: Byakuya and Rukia have rather effectively sheltered themselves from all the madness by simply locking themselves in their home and adamantly refusing to admit that anything is happening outside.
- Insane Troll Logic: Yachiru, Old Man Genocide, Psycho Toshiro, Shunsui's Shikai, and just about anything involving Aizen.
- Don't forget Rangiku and her cheese, which somehow works 16+ times!... in the same day!
- Or Soi Fon and her throwing everyone in jail for trying to over-throw Yamamoto, and later The Heavenly Empire of Lady Yoruichi.
- Ulquiorra's own version;
Ulquiorra shrugged. "Later on, I'll tell him that he was here and that he received proper therapy. That should do the job."
"If I tell him that he received therapy and got over his fear, he'll believe me." Ulquiorra said.
"But… but he won't have!"
"No, but if he thinks he did, that's just as good." Ulquiorra said serenely. "You'd be amazed what Yammy can do when he doesn't know what he hasn't done."
Grimmjow just opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Aaaaand, now I have a headache."
- Jerkass Has a Point: Despite it looking like it would, it's averted by Grimmjow; all he manages to do with his "heroic speech" is piss everyone off.
- Kick the Dog: As the Arrancar therapist and Ulquiorra put it, "Just one of those things [Aizen] does to mess with us", i.e everything.
- Kill It with Fire / Ice: Yachiru and Hitsugaya.
- Lampshade Hanging: A lot. In chapter 39 they even outright state that it's "Basically Just 'TV Tropes: The Story'"
- Leeroy Jenkins: Brutally (and hilariously) deconstructed in chapter 30.
- Also, Hitsugaya in ch 17, who proceeds to take on entire Hueco Mundo by himself. The thing is... it almost works and puts everyone in fear.
Gin: Well, I'm not exactly a psychologist, but I believe that the technical explanation would be that our old friend Toshiro has gone 'batshit insane'.
- Mind Screw: Mr. Whiskery, the evil cat hallucination that tries to break Toshiro's teeth so that he steal his sushi, calls Toshiro nuts after Toshiro knocked himself out...somehow.
- Chapter 38. The level of WRONGNESS in the fight between Aizen and Yamamoto isn't even softened by Yamamoto stating that it Makes. No. Sense. See Purple Prose for details.
- Mistaken for Gay: Hitsugaya, but only by Soi Fon and Hinamori (the rest of the Soul Society is convinced he wouldn't limit himself to one gender).
- Mundane Utility: taken to (il)logical extremes in Ch 6.
Ikkaku: Yeah, but SOMEONE has to open these pickles. BANKAI!!
- My Friends... and Zoidberg: Quite often, usually concerning Yachiru.
- Ayasegawa gets his share too.
- New Powers as the Plot Demands: In his Dark Lord Wolfington persona, Komamura gains Gravity Master abilities. Aizen immediately complains that this doesn't make any sense.
- The Nicknamer: Rangiku.
- Not So Stoic: Granted, Toshiro wasn't really stoic to begin with in this, but Ulquiorra? It took him long enough to snap from the World Gone Mad.
- No, You: Aaroniero to the Arrancar therapist when discussing his 30,000 powers (or lack thereof).
- Not Now, Kiddo: Happens a lot. Towards Yachiru, Nel, Tosen, and more.
- Oh, Crap!: Aizen got one of these in chapter 22.
: Wow, maybe you're not a genius after all. Are you not picking up what just happened? Yachiru Kusajishi
is wandering unsupervised
through your house
- You could say all the Arrancars felt this when Toshiro snapped in 32.
- And then Matsumoto gets one along with Kyoraku. Why? Hitsugaya's dream from chapter 1 came true.
- Only Sane Man: Tellingly enough, Matsumoto of all people took up this mantle somewhere around chapter 30, and Soi Fon had this role thrust on her while 'fighting' with Kyoraku. For much of the story, Hitsugaya tried to be one.
- On the evil(er) side, Ulquiorra maintained his sanity up until Shiro-chan showed his full fury in Chapter 32. He's also the only Espada sane enough to realize that therapy might be useful... until he threatens to eat the therapist.
- Surprisingly enough, Hinamori actually fills this role quite well by being the voice of reason and sanity, except for anything and everything related to Aizen.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Chapter 19 has this for our "Rescue-Toshiro" squad. Grimmjow falls for it until Matsumoto slips a wrong number. Becomes a bigger challenge to figure out if Grimmjow was screwing with them the following scene and knew they were in disguise, or...
- Chapter 23 has another one with Jushiro, Shunsui, and Yamamoto. It only works because the Stealth Force are so stupid.
- Pass the Popcorn: After Rukia and Yachiru begin to fight over a stuffed bunny.
Hitsugaya: Here, help me get Abarai to medical attention. With any luck, they'll be done by the time we get back.
Ichigo: And if they're not?
Hitsugaya: We find some popcorn.
- Pet the Dog: The Universe may do this. Eventually. If you can survive 40 chapters of Crack Fic.
- Plot Armor: Lampshaded and weaponized by Aizen.
- Power Born of Madness: Hitsugaya in chapter 17; in chapter 30 the inverse happens.
- The Power of Love: This is what Soi Fon said helped her conquer the Seireitei for Yoruichi.
- Psycho Lesbian: Soi Fon conquers the Soul Society and sentences Ukitake, Yamamoto, and Kyoraku to death in a vague effort to impress Yoruichi. And it works.
- Psychic Static: Aizen learns the hard way that his Perfect Hypnosis is useless on a guy who has gone crazy.
- Puff of Logic: When Matsumoto points out that Hitsu's sudden mastery of the
plot law of Murphy actually helps him, it causes things to start going wrong for him at that precise moment.
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: MY! NAME! ISN'T! SHIRO-CHAN! IT'S! CAPTAIN! HITSUGAYA!
- Purple Prose: With chapter 38, in Aizen's glorious defeat of Yamamoto, this abounds relentlessly.
- Relax-o-Vision: From chapter 32: "What followed was… ugh. Horrible. It shall not be described here, this is a teen-rated story. [ . . . ] Honestly, just don't think about it, go look at a picture of a bunny or a kitten or something. You'll be happier."
- Rule of Funny: So much.
- Sarcastic Devotee: You know how Gin in canon is very loyal to Aizen until the Deicide Arc? Yeah, not so much here.
- And this even BEFORE the Deicide Arc! And, somehow, they even FORESHADOW something that didn't even happen yet!
- Schedule Slip: The fic has been in-progress for roughly three years, with updates slipping from once every few weeks to maybe once a month, which the author is totally aware of. Still, once a month is better than the alternative.
- The longest break it has had was a seven month gap between chapters.
- Ikkaku lampshades this when he says he feels like this entire thing has been going on for around four years.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Stark invokes this in Chapter 32. And it's probably the reason why he escaped Hitsugaya's Roaring Rampageof Revenge
- Subverted... sorta. He said he went to "get medics" for the fallen Arrancars. Ulquiorra's a foot away from calling him out on his bullshit.
- More notably in chapter 37, when Gin finally gets so sick of Aizen's BS that he re-defects to Soul Society. Complete with "Screw you, Sosuke," it is quite possibly the most epic version of Gin's expected betrayal.
- Serial Escalation: How batshit insane will Toshiro's day will be? How much simple destruction can Yachiru cause? How much more obsessed with Yoruichi will Soi-Fon be? Very.
- Shut Up, Hannibal!: Having killed/left Ichigo for dead, Ulquiorra opens up on a speech. Toshiro, mad at the world, cuts him off at the second sentence.
- Significant Anagram: See Suspiciously Specific Denial below.
- The Smurfette Principle: When trying to think who to replace Halibel with, Aizen says, "We really should have at least one girl in the group. Szayel doesn't count."
- Spanner in the Works: Yachiru fulfills this role when she randomly pushes a button and makes Hitsugaya the hero.
- Spell My Name with a "The": Byakuya refers to Yachiru as "the Yachiru."
Byakuya: Calling her just 'Yachiru' makes her sound too... human...
- Spell My Name with an "S": The author freely admits that he uses 'Halibel' instead of 'Harribel' because he just likes the former more.
- Stating the Simple Solution: After becoming the villain again, Aizen opts to just gut everybody around him. He finds it far more satisfying than the constant planning and he actually gets better results!!
- Suicide Pact: All the Arrancars thought Ulquiorra would say this.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: The new recruits, Ing Uramihci and Tia Harribel Notahollow couldn't possibly be a traitor or an Arrancar. Their names are different and totally not suspicious, see?
- Aaroniero, as a small joke to him having "30,000 powers", after the trip to the therapist, at least.
- Gin gets a few of these in a few times about his plan.
- Surrounded By Lunatics: Poor, poor, Hitsugaya...
- Ulquiorra gave up trying to understand his co-workers before he understood the analogy Toshi said about ninjas.
- Talking Is a Free Action: Defied where in the middle of Kyoraku's Shikai release poem, Soi Fon kicks him in the face.
- Team Mom: Unohana. In chapter 35 she weaponizes her Team Mom status to guilt Soi Fon into surrendering.
- Tears of Fear: Again, chapter 32.
- Theme Music Power-Up: Iconic series tune 'Number One' (referred to here as 'the cheesy 80's music') pops up a few times to provide these, and actually works once. For Hanataro.
- It works a second time in Chapter 38. Spectacularly and hilariously for Aizen.
- The Day the Music Lied: Doesn't work so hot for Ichigo, though.
- Theory of Narrative Causality: Aizen, in an unusual show of legitimate ingenuity and competence, steals Ichigo's "protagonism" in Chapter 37 and proceeds to beat the crap out of Soul Society with an onslought of trope invocation and lampshade hanging.
- There Are No Therapists: Well, there is one, but even she isn't a real therapist, so... Turns out, she was dragged aside by Aizen and told to be one for non-existent recruitment drives, just so he could say they had a therapist.
- This is for Emphasis, Bitch!: Toshiro in Chapter 32. After snapping when Rangiku tricks Yammy into saying his Embarrassing Nickname, the carnage ends and he grabs the only conscious Arrancar, and asks him two things; what's my name, and what's my nickname.
Toshiro: "That's right. You are never, ever allowed to say it. And don't you ever forget that fact. Bitch."
- And Ukitake in Chapter 34
Ukitake: "Go on. Do it. You've been talking about it for hours, so man up and finish me off. Come on, I dare ya, bitch. I. Want. It. To. End."
- Trauma Conga Line: The whole point of the series:
- Toshiro has Squad 11 move into his barracks, turn it upside down, and then burn it to the ground while he tries (and fails) to find some way to get rid of them while more (read: steaming heaps of) insanity ensues. He then descends into madness to the point that he challenges all of Las Noches, gets chained up, nearly breaks all of his teeth trying to gnaw his way out, snaps out of it only to descend into sanity, almost win before Ichigo shows up, snap again, face ANOTHER rebellion, deal with the return of Aizen... and last we've seen him Tosen has smacked him into a wall.
- Ukitake somehow gets blamed for a drunkie rebellion, is thrown in prison twice, is forced to wear women's clothes, is hung upside down and nearly killed by Soi Fon's rebellion, and eventually becomes a Death Seeker.
- Aizen somehow finds himself facing a batshit insane Toshiro, having said psycho nearly kill him and the Espada twice before they get him restrained, is driven halfway insane by Yachiru before getting run over by an airborne Bawa Bawa, falls through every floor of Las Noches, is chewed on by a Menos, gets knocked back down there by Gin, and then has his "I planned all of this speech" interrupted by everyone who doesn't buy it. Given how he's now riding Plot Armor, his defeat will hopefully be even worse.
- Soi Fon and Gin also get these; the former when she faces Shunsui's Shikai of Doom, and the latter... whenever Aizen opens his mouth. Given that Gin is at times Las Noches' Deadpan Snarker Only Sane Man, the outcome is inevitable.
- As well as half the Arrancars; After Toshiro causes all of them scars when he snaps and knocks out all of five of them, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra get hurt even more when trying to restrain the insane captain. Szayel, meanwhile, has his whole lab burned and then crushed, rendering him a babbling mess. After therapy, which was useful to only two of the Arrancars in the long run, they are all effortlessly knocked down by Ichigo, and when Ulquiorra DOES kill Ichigo, who doesn't come back, they're all wiped out AGAIN by Toshiro when Rangiku tricks Yammy into saying the Embarrassing Nickname. Even then, during the insanity following, Yammy and Barragan are frozen and wounded, Szayel passes out, Starrk gets up and leaves(refer to Screw This, I'm Outta Here!), and then the three remaining are frozen solid by the Ice-Hydra that chases after them.
- We ARE Struggling Together: Toshiro, after seeing Ulquiorra effortlessly kill Ichigo again, snaps and decides that the universe just hates him. However, he knows that he could go on forever, since not only has he previously scarred the Arrancars(it takes until Ulquiorra does something), but they fail hideously when trying to team up. This is said when Yammy is figuring the answer to "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood", Grimmjow and Nnoitra are fighting, two other Espadas are knocked out, and three Ulquiorra refuses to compromise with.
"Anyway, I'm probably not going to die. If it were just one Espada, sure, but I really doubt all of them together could coordinate themselves enough to successfully accomplish anything. It's like ninjas, where the fewer ninjas you have the better they are
- World of Snark
- Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Done literally with an Arrancar named "Woobie". Execution? Not so much.
- Yandere: Halibel and Soi Fon are both very devoted to their respective loves, and neither one of them is what you could call "stable" about it.