Batman Returns: Corrupt Corporate Executive sponsors disfigured Abandoned Child's mayoral campaign. Meanwhile, concussed woman attempts to seduce Beetlejuice by wearing skin-tight leather and beating him up. All this while lots of terrorists who once worked in show business get their asses kicked.
Batman & Robin: Billionaire argues with hormone-crazed sidekick about the sexual intentions of a Well-Intentioned Extremist while their butler is dying of a terminal disease that the wife of a now-mad scientist whom the extremist teams up with happens to have. And the butler's niece snoops around a lot. For many, as bad as it sounds, if not worse.
Batman Begins: Welsh ninja detective fights Irish ninja and Irish mad scientist that wears a bag on his head.
On top of it, said ninja falls in love with an undergraduate of Law school that pretends she's a District Attorney, and has his combat equipment designed by Miss Daisy's driver. Meanwhile, Lothos insists that everybody at work "get the memo."
The Dark Knight: While not pretending to be a rude and obnoxious corporate executive, a ninja detective fights a Monster Clown and a deformed lawyer who has trouble making decisions by himself, and puts to rest once and for all that wiretapping really does work.
Also: part of the clown's plan is ruined by Deebo from Friday.
Alternatively, playboy billionaire dresses in black and beats up psychotic homeless man.
The Dark Knight Rises: Ninja detective decides to go back in action to face a musclehead who wants to prove clean energy sources are lethal.
Beetlejuice: Nice dead people try to scare living people from a house. Also, a decomposing pervert with an identity crisis falls madly in love with a teenage girl and tries to marry her.
Before Sunrise: Two people meet on a train. They do not plan a murder. They are both exactly who they claim. There are no series of humorous misunderstandings. They just talk for a bit and then have sex.
Before Sunset: Sequel to the above and exactly the same except in Paris.
Being John Malkovich: A chronically unemployed puppeteer finds a magical portal that facilitates the unwilling Mind Rape of a notable character actor for 15-minute spurts. The traumatic experience is repeated frequently for laughs. Because of this, the Actor facilitates marital infidelity, spousal abuse, stalking, lesbianism, fraud, corporate theft, and the potential immortality of Gary Sinise. It's okay, though, because there's monkeys.
Ben Hur: Loose tile makes man lose his best friend, get arrested, and enter the world of racing.
Beowulf: Swede with Cockney accent fights monsters, yells often. Sex with unmarried women invariably leads to death. Glory is achieved by having your son violently murdered and/or tearing out your son's heart with your bare hands.
Bernard And The Genie: Man loses everything, and, with the help of a man from first-century Palestine, gets his life back together.
Bewitched: The consequences of giving an egoistical director free rein over a modern-day remake of a television classic. In the meantime, backstage Belligerent Sexual Tension ensues between said director and his leading lady, who happens to be a witch like her character.
Bicentennial Man: Sensitive, eccentric android builds artificial organs and replaces his insides with them over a 200-year period in hopes of becoming human by killing himself. Also, he likes making clocks.
The Big Country: Reasonable man attempts to rationally settle land dispute and gets branded a coward for his trouble.
Big Daddy: Jewish baseball player's namesake defrauds an entire bureaucracy just to get into Buffy's pants. It doesn't work, but along the way he does develop a protective instinct toward a foreigner who is often required to wear dark glasses.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Time-Travelling George Carlin ditches his stand-up career to help two So-Cal losers cheat on their homework. They meet in the parking lot of a convenience store and, well, you can imagine where it goes from there. Napoleon is a fat bastard who eats too much ice cream and cheats children in meaningless competitions. Well, at least that part was accurate.
The Birdcage: Family of liberal Southerners must stage bizarre deception to avoid angering family of conservative Northerners. The ruse is assisted by an illegal alien named after a man who was crucified (no, not that one).
Birdemic: Poorly-animated exploding birds decide to suicide bomb a crappy romance movie because of Global Warming. They are fought off using coat hangers.
Black Swan: A crazy ballerina who still lives with her mother sleeps with Meg.
'Blade: Based on a comic book, the black guy in White Men Can't Jump kills people who don't like sunlight.
Blazing Saddles: A small town in the old west gets the last sheriff it would ever want thanks to the machinations of a corrupt government official who is frequently mixed up with a famous actress. The sheriff manages to keep order with the help of a drunk and some tricks taken right out of a Merrie Melodies cartoon. The climactic fight is so violent it shatters the Fourth Wall.
The Blues Brothers 2000: Musician rebuilds old ties with family, friends, and cops, and has dealings with the supernatural.
Blue Velvet: Kyle MacLachlan likes hiding in women's closets. Dennis Hopper likes horrible beer. Isabella Rosselini likes being beaten. Laura Dern likes birds.
Bobby: A hotel owner cheats on his wife, the kitchen staff fight, some people fall in love on the day of their wedding, Tony Hopkins plays chess with Harry Bellafonte, a woman goes shopping, Ashton Kutcher punks Shia Laboeuf with LSD, one guy is mean to a journalist, and this other guy barely appears and then gets shot dead.
Boogie Nights: Naive young man stumbles into a career which requires him to have lots of sex with attractive young women. After having sex with his drug-addicted mother figure, he attempts to start an eighties rock band but winds up a drug-addicted prostitute and failure.
The Book of Life: In turn-of-the-century Mexico a snake-bite, a love triangle, familial pressures, and a wager between two gods puts a crimp in a young man's celebration of El Dia de Los Muertos.
The Boondock Saints: Two brothers, along with a sandwich delivery boy and a coffee-loving FBI agent, examine questions of morality and legality while cursing profusely. Their estranged father, an Irish comedian, puts their doubts to rest.
The Breakfast Club: Five teenagers with problems waste a Saturday proving that they're even less unique than they thought.
The Bridge on the River Kwai: A group of people want to blow up a bridge, and another group wants to stop them. Tension occurs. The group that wants to blow up the bridge has decided on this course of action long before the bridge is finished. And this bridge is being built by perfectionists who place their workmanship on the bridge above all else.
Bringing Up Baby: Heiress attempts to woo paleontologist with use of leopard. Complications ensue.
Broadway Danny Rose: Sweet-natured but unsuccessful Broadway promoter escorts mob-connected girlfriend of one of his acts to a social function and incurs the wrath of lovelorn gangster. She betrays him in a business deal but he forgives her.
Bullets Over Broadway: A mid-western writer gets his big break in the theater. The overseer his play's "angel" gives him ends up rewriting the entire work; he is much better at playwriting than the playwright. During the first showing of the play on Broadway, this overseer is terminated with prejudice for excising the reason the "angel" funded the play.