Funny / Vampire Survivors

• The fact that the game entitled Vampire Survivors is proudly advertised as containing zero vampires.
• Your character responds to all dialogue with a confused "Ok?" as your only possible response. Considering nearly everything is more than a bit baffling, it's understandable.
• Your starter character is a blatant Simon Belmont Expy, and the other early unlocks are similarly straightforward, but things get weirder as you fill out the roster. The Bayonetta expy is worth a raised eyebrow, then you get Concetta the demonic rock star, Cavallo the panda, O'Sole the dog, and eventually Peppino, a nigh-immobile tree.
• Similarly, the Improbable Weapons you end up unlocking after the initial array of Castlevania weapons. Gatti Amari, which summons cats that might meander across the screen without encountering an enemy, steal Floor Chicken before you can heal yourself with it, or encounter another cat and explode into a Big Ball of Violence. Caréllo, which causes a minecart to appear and roll back and forth on a track. The Celestial Dusting, which releases bursts of flowers from behind your character that somehow deal damage to enemies and heals them. Or La Robba, which drops random furniture on the battlefield, bouncing from enemy to enemy like a pachinko machine.
• The bestiary was written by James Stephanie Sterling, aka the game's "Loremaster", and it is an absolute riot, filled with witty humor and Black Comedy, barring the few entries with unexpected Nightmare Fuel.
  • Ghosts are dismissed as tricks of the light. "Tricks of the light can have hit points too!"
  • Lionhead: "Some say these many-limbed beasts descended from a great Lord of Hell, whose domain is the healing arts and philosophy. A noble lineage claimed for what was clearly the result of some drunk necromancers and a sewing kit."
  • Dragon Shrimp aren't actual dragons, they're just... Really big shrimp, blessed by the patron god of shrimp.
  • Hags really do embrace the Wicked Witch tropes without reservation. "Good for them."
  • The Hurricane of Puns that is the Milk Elemental entry: "Behold the blasphemy of lactomancy! These homogenized horrors were formulated to pulverize and pasteurize in the name of their intolerant Milk Mages. And who've tried to cream them end up torn in half... and half! This entry has been condensed for those who prefer to skim."
  • Sneaky Head (aka Medusa Head): "Ranked among the most detested creatures in the land, they find crude sport in pushing unsuspecting victims from ledges when they’re most vulnerable. Faced with an enemy that neither jumps nor climbs, however, they find themselves rather powerless."
  • Musc Musc: "Cursed by vengeful librarians for the crime of sneezing too loudly, they are perhaps the most pitiable of all wretches. Congealed for all eternity, to slay these victims of disproportionate retribution is a mercy. You’d probably get good karma for doing it if there were such thing as a morality system."
  • The Undead Sassy Witch's entry is a well done Take That! towards TERFs. It also states that player-character Giovanna was "Assigned Mage At Birth", bizarrely implying that spellcasting is some kind of gender spectrum, rather than a profession or a type of RPG class.
  • The Impefinger is "known for practical jokes, rude limericks, and the occasional cheeky mass murder."
  • None of the types of bats are vampires. Especially not the Giant Bat. "I'll admit they're really bloody big, though."
  • The Lizards got jealous of mammals and their ability to produce milk, and took over the Dairy Plant, which was run by the Milk Mages. The Lizard Rook's entry reveals they just ended up sneaking into the plant and stabbed the mages to death in their sleep.
  • Minotaur: "Yes, they’re bulls. Yes, they’re the source of most of the Dairy Plant’s milk. No, you really shouldn’t ask."
  • Skellone: "Nobody knows where these massive laughing skulls first came from. Nobody’s stopped to ask, because they’re massive laughing skulls and they eat horses."
  • The Skeletone has so many uses of the word "skeleton" that the Loremaster gets sick of it, complaining that the word is weird.
  • All four Atalanteans use Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking in the descriptions of what their masks represent. The Volcano Atlantean in particular ends its list of traits with "opposition to a man named Joe."
  • The Drowner's entry features this nugget of info - "A Reaper that loves to make it rain. Stories claim that it once did so for forty days and forty nights, simply to impress a guy."
  • Tanuki: "Rotund trickster, always seen carrying his tail over his shoulder. Hang on, I'm getting a note passed to me. Oh. Actually it's not his tail. Probably best you look this up yourself."
  • Goshadokuro: "It's a big skeleton. You want a big skeleton? Look no further buddy, this here is a big skeleton. You think you've seen big skeletons already? Friend, you've seen nothing. Don't get no bigger than this skeleton here. Show us someone with a bigger skeleton, and we'll show you a liar."
  • The Loremaster advises that you refuse any invitation for a night out drinking from the Orochimario. Why? "It'll be a nightmare to carry home."
  • The Lammuga is "descended from the legendary Vegetable Lamb, a sheep suspended above the ground by a mighty plant stalk connected through an umbilical cord. It sprouts other sheep from its body like woolen fruit. Your humble Lorekeeper is not making this one up. Seriously, it's in books. Go home, folklore, you're drunk."
  • Hill Trows are said to be a race of former warmongers who have polished their image by producing a line of adorable dolls. "This is how you rule the world - not through war, but through merchandising opportunities."
  • The Loremaster doesn't have much to say about the Notadam. "They're dwarves. Just regular ol' dwarves. What more do you want, exactly? Some sort of clever twist on familiar folklore? A delightful parody full of puns and unsubtle political allegories? Sorry, but I've Notadam thing to say other than the fact that they're dwarves and they believe in free universal healthcare."
  • The Hand of Glory is dubbed "The pickled paws of purloining prisoners propagate perilous pains with pinches, punches, and plenty of picked pockets. Also, they're just really creepy and gross, EWW!"
  • The Maronna's entry mentions a debate over whether or not the creature predates the introduction of Christianity to Wales. "Clearly it does, otherwise the first historical record of its sighting would definitely have read 'Jesus Christ, what is that Godforsaken thing?'"
  • The Njuggles is said to blend the strength and stamina of a horse with "the unrivaled cruelty of a trout." The Loremaster also notes its habit of carrying anyone foolish enough to try to ride one to the bottom of a lake, "seemingly unaware that they could just get off and swim away."
  • The Loremaster states that a Ghostly Apparition is the real deal, before admitting that they were just joking. "I'd sooner call this thing a vampire than an actual ghost, and I haven't seen one of those either."
  • For the Redusa Head, the Loremaster admits that by this point, flying medusa heads are old hat, but promises that "The Redusa is something greater, something altogether more dire, deadly and downright diabolical. For a start, it's red. If that isn't terrifying enough for you, I don't have a second thing. Sorry."
  • The Blinder is the DLC's new Reaper variant, which cunningly casts the battlefield in shadow to hamper the Survivors. Unfortunately, by the time it shows up, the screen "is already so full of particles, colors, and special effects that nobody can see a damn thing anyway. It contents itself by watching those heroes desperately hunt for floor chicken amidst the colorful chaos."
  • For the Lost Head enemy, another type of fireball-firing stacked-skulls monster, our Loremaster muses "Who can say how or why monsters come with so many color variants? Mutation? Sorcery? A bestiary writer with a bucket of paint trying to up their word count? Nobody knows for sure."
  • The Meatball is a giant red mass of flesh, similar to Leda but with a skull pasted onto it instead. What does the Loremaster have to say about it? "Spicy."
  • The Edna is, well... "At first glance, it may look like a lazy necromancer bolted a skull onto a decapitated mantis and called it a day. At second and third glance, it may still look like that. Renardo absolutely assures me that's not what he did, though, and that Edna is a valid monster worthy of record."
  • The Cold Cauld is a truly dismal spirit: "In his life there's been heartache and pain. He don't know if he can face it again. Can't stop now, he's traveled so far, to change this lonely life... Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you."
  • Crocifiggitone are noted to be one of the "sexiest beasts around," and scholars have spent years trying to ascertain why. "Their fevered writings are little more than insensible mantras full of references to an eldritch god named 'Dummy Thicc.'"
  • The Still Notadam is most definitely not an ordinary human doing "that thing where you strap your shoes to your knees and pretend you're a lot shorter than you are" in order to get access to the dwarves' healthcare, "which is generally considered 50% more advanced and 100% less profit-motivated."
  • The Maronna Meea's entry starts out plenty creepy: "Imagine this thing crawling in through your window at night, wheezing with a whispered rasp as it shudders its way up the stairs. It approaches your bedroom, clutching the bell around its neck with a trembling hand, staring through a crack in the door. Watching. Waiting. Admiring you while you sleep. After an hour, maybe two, it cannot resist any longer and it wriggles into the room without moving the door an inch. It's here. It's here to lick your eyebrows. It wants the nutrients, you see, the minerals your eyebrows hide. It's going to do this every Wednesday for a year."
  • Similarly, there's Je-Ne-Viv: "The dread devourer, the grand consumer, the eater of worlds. It has tasted all that creation has to offer, and all of creation is reflected in its ravening form. It is part human. Part monster. Part undead. Part demon. Part abomination. It is not a vampire. It is yet to meet a vampire. It would very much like to eat a vampire. It wants to know if you've seen any vampires. It will be far too busy eating you and everything around you to ask."
• The credits theme, "Vempair Survaivors", remixes the Neapolitan song "Funiculì, Funiculà". In addition to being considerably goofier than one would first expect from the art style, the song is also used as a stereotypically Italian-sounding song used in restaurants and the like, particularly in fiction. For example, it is somewhat infamously known as the song used for the pizza-delivery missions in the Spider-Man 2 game. This gives the credits the air of a Castlevania-themed pizza restaurant, which is a very amusing payoff for all the Edible Theme Naming in the game.
  • Also the fact that, while the credits are playing, there's a parade of character and monster sprites at the bottom of the screen. Hitting "Back" just makes them turn around and march in the opposite direction a little faster, while the music speeds up as well. You have to go back and forth like this before the game lets you return to the main menu.
• The Tides of the Foscari teaser trailer came out just in time for April Fools' Day, and as such, its majestic fantasy music is played on kazoo. The DLC of course is quite real and has a proper soundtrack, but it also includes kazoo versions of every track, in case you were taking the game too seriously.
• The sheer absurdity of a crossover with Among Us is worth a few laughs, but "Emergency Meeting" offers some funny moments.
  • From the announcement trailer:
    • Ambrojoe hitting The Director in the face with a piano during a battle. And it actually being partly effective against it!
    • When the Crewmates pop out of the coffin, Impostor Rina falls flat on their face. While Ambrojoe politely tips his hat in greetings.
    • How does the red Crewmate deal with hordes of hostiles? By shooting a massive laser gun... that causes obscene amounts of collateral damage and unleashes the Suspicious Eyes, an octopus the size of half a planet with big anime eyes... that upon closer inspection, are Crewmate-shaped.
  • The release trailer opens with the Directer attempting a dramatic monologue opening, only to be interrupted by the Red Bean calling an emergency meeting. The meeting has other characters making some gripes, like mentioning Sammy being broken, asking for online co-op, and wondering where the vampires are. They all vote to eject the Directer, who turns out to not be an Impostor.
  • From the DLC:
    • Many of the weapons you get are based on common tasks from Among Us. Yes, you can defeat the horde with ID card swiping, debris clearing, wire connecting, and more.
    • The Polus Replica map has emergencies occur, where you have to press a button to avert a crisis. Some of the emergencies include stopping a funny smell of vinegar from space and halting a surge of tourism.

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