Funny / Spider-Gwen

Pre-Secret Wars (Vol. 1)

• Any and all of Gwen's hallucinations of Spider-Ham.
• Hobie Brown suggests that Spider-Woman is in-bed (figuratively) with Capt. Stacy. Gwen interprets this literally.
  Spider-Woman (Gwen): IN BED?!! What?! Blargf! Why?! I'm NOT SLEEPING WITH CAPTAIN STACY, you little pervert! (Thinking: He's just my #@*% Dad )
• Gwen summing up the epic weirdness of the fight between Murdock and Felicia Hardy in issue 5:
  Spider-Woman: I tell you Ms. Hardy, I thought my life was weird lately. But theme park mascots playing keytaurs, ninjas and creepy blind lawyers—Your life is one mime short of a Björk video.

Radioactive Spider-Gwen (Vol. 2)

• Vol 2. No. 1, Gwen is trying to convince her father that she's being responsible while dodging police cars in costume, late for work, and behind on her rent.
• "But Mom...I don't wanna change...wanna wear...pizzas to school."
• A pack of scared dogs and cats steal the corndogs Gwen was going to use to bait the new Lizard.
• High School age Betty Brant trying to be metal. She even growls.
• After an encounter with Captain America left Gwen in handcuffs, she hops over to Earth 616 to ask Spider-Woman Jessica Drew to help get them off. Jess tells Gwen that she'll have to use her bio-electricity to melt them off, and when Gwen protests that as a former spy, Jess should know ways to pop the lock, Jess points out that as a superhero, Gwen is going to have to expect things like the odd flesh searing electrical burn. Gwen closes her eyes and braces herself, saying she can already feel her skin burning, when...Jessica pops the locks off with a small screwdriver.
  Jessica Drew: We'll make with melting those cuffs off.
  Gwen: Wait. What? Melt?! Why do we have to— You're a spy. They didn't teach you how to just like—"Click, Pop, Heeeey"?
  Jessica Drew: Oh, stop it. You wanna superhero? There are risks. One of which is possible severe electrical burns at the hands of your mentor.
  Gwen: Okay. Okay. Okay. I can do this. I can totally do this. I can...Oh God, I can already smell it cooking. My flesh is cook—>>CL-CLICK<<—ing?
  Jessica Drew: "Click, Pop, Heeeey."
• Jessica Drew comments on how she is having Wacky Cravings, particularly for single serve packets of butter.
  Jessica Drew: No, listen. What's not right is bypassing biscuits and going right for the butter packets. What is this demon inside of me?
• As Gwen is about to 'port back to Earth 65, Jessica Drew is trying to order delivery to an odd location by pulling her Avengers credentials. It doesn't appear to be working.
  Jessica Drew: Yeah, hi, I was wondering if you deliver? Right, right. I get that. But, see, here's the thing. I'm an Avenger. Yes. Yes. But what if I told you I'm technically two Avengers? — But I'm an Avenger!
• Gwen tells Jess that she's always worried that when she uses the dimension hopping device, she's afraid she's going to step out in front of a truck. She sets the coordinates for what she hopes is the lake house where her bandmates are meeting. Instead of the lake house, she gets the lake.
• Gwen emerges from the lake and trudges, soaking wet, to the lake house. She's talking to Randy when there's a ribbit noise. She confides in him that there's a frog in her sock.
• Issue #7 reveals a good number of Earth-65 versions of Prime Earth characters.
  • The president is Howard T. Duck.
  • Jennifer Walters is a professional wrestler who goes by "The Sophisticated She-Hulk".
  • Sue and Johnny Storm are sit-com child stars.
  • Reed Richards is a kid genius who offers to help Jessica Drew get back to her home dimension before she can finish stumbling her way through her introduction.
  Reed: I'm a Reed Richards, lady. I was meeting dimension hoppers before I could tie my shoes.

  • And in the issue of Spider-Woman which continues this storyline, he's built a fully-functional gateway back to Prime Earth out of Lego bricks.
• The Bodega Bandit tries to steal a shop Silk, Jessica Drew, and Gwen are in. Their reactions are priceless: Silk contains her laughter as much as she can, Gwen facepalms at having such a pathetic rogues' gallery while trying to deny that he's her archenemy, and Jessica simply beats the guy in seconds while continuing the trend of calling him the worst.
  Jessica: Yeah, sure. I'll do everything. Program your phones. Drag your rogues' gallery to the trash.
  Gwen: What? No. He's not in my-- Tell her you're not— MY PAIN IS REAL TOO, JESS!
• When Gwen and Jessica arrive at Gwen's apartment, they're greeted by Betty Brant acting like a Vampire. She hisses and gives Gwen vampire kisses.
• Goes into Black Comedy territory, but a depowered-Gwen's attempt to fist-fight Earth-65 Cindy. It becomes painfully clear that Gwen has never actually been in a fight before, and the one sucker punch she manages to sneak in literally has "WEEAAK" as the sound effect.
  • At the end of the same issue, with Earth-65 Cindy locked away in a S.H.I.E.L.D. prison, Silk sends her a present to help her get through the incarceration. A box full of candy, VHS tapes, and an old video game machine signed, "From my bunker to yours. Love, Silk."
  Jessica: (grinning and toasting the others) Yeah... 20 bucks says that comes back to bite us.
  Gwen: Oh, guaranteed.
• In All-New Wolverine Annual #1, a strange incident swaps Gwen's mind with Laura's. Besides the fact that Gwen is trying to convince Gabby that she's not really Laura, her imaginative Spider-Ham has now changed into "Wolver-hampton".
  • Later, Gwen and Laura confront the villain who accidentally caused the "Freaky Friday" Flip. Still in Laura's body, she gets ready to fight and makes the mistake of bringing her fists too close to her own head when the claws pop out. She stabs herself in the head. Off-panel, of course. Thank goodness for healing factor.
• Issue #16, Gwen's choice of alias for infiltrating a club full of villains is Tigra La Muerteface.
• Issue #17, after the S.I.L.K. agents stealing Earth-616 tech get teleported away, the only one who makes it back to Earth-65 saw more than he was prepared for along the way.
  S.I.L.K. Agent: Saw so... so much dimension. A whole world of talking animal super heroes. The puns... dear God... the puns...
• Harry Osborn's nickname for Logan, "The Immortal Mr. Murderhands". Gwen practically pleads with him to use a different name, eventually deciding on her own to call him "Wolverine" based on how his claws remind her of when she met Laura Kinney.
• Issue #21, Gwen's disbelief upon discovering that Madripoor has its own bento-stealing counterpart to the Bodega Bandit.
• Issue #23 has Utau, the Watcher of Earth-65, watching Family Feud of all things, because he's unimpressed by how depressing the main story has gotten, before getting chewed out by the other Watchers for neglecting his duties.
  Utau: It used to be fun. But lately, it's so — angsty! Clenched fists and gritted teeth and... another Wolverine? Really?
• Issue #29 begins with Utaa, the Watcher of Earth-8 coming over to make sure things are going well on Earth-65, since that timeline is a major factor that results in his universe being an absolute utopia. While he goes on a smug monologue about the responsibilities they have, Utau snarks at him while waiting for his fellow Watcher to get up to speed. Utaa promptly freaks out upon learning just how badly things have gotten, only for Utau to tell him in amusement that they can't do anything about it because they aren't allowed to interfere (of course, things go even more off-the-rails in this issue, prompting both of them to screw the rules and inject themselves into the plot).
  Utaa: Did I just see your Uncle Ben tell your Gwen to... to... to kill Matt Murdock?
  Utau (sipping coffee): Yeah, so?
  Utaa: He's an Uncle Ben, 65! He can't just— 'Great Responsibility'? Doesn't ring a #&$% bell?!
• According to Issue #32, the Earth-65 counterpart of Rick Jones is an Alex Jones equivalent with a show and web site called “Secret Wars”.

Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider

• In the first issue, Gwen's flustered reaction to a civilian hugging her after she saved them from a mugging. All that a shocked Gwen can do in response is meekly thank her and follow-up her pre-battle banter by saying that she really does want a burger.
• After landing in an unfamiliar universe, Gwen notes that most of the time she can make a guess as to what universe she's in by the names of famous brands, specifically citing "Dr. Pepper vs Professor Pop" as her go-to example... and is thrown off when she discovers that in this universe it's called "Professor Pow."
• Issue #10 sees Gwen's powers not working, so she pops on over to Earth-616 to get help from a fellow Spider. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Gwen finds out that Peter got stuck with counts of plagiarism and personally asks him about it. Spidey proceeds to nonchalantly explain that Doc Ock stole his body and did all the research while as Peter Parker, hence the plagiarism. Gwen can only elicit a Flat "What" before Spidey decides to go for lunch:
  Gwen: You come back here, Spider-Man. We need to talk about this.
  Spider-Man: Can't talk now, too hungry. I need hotdogs to live!