Due to Valiant's actions taking their toll on Equestria, not every character is the same as they are in the show. Differences will be noted, but for unchanged parts of the show characters, see their page.
The protagonist of the story. Originally a stand-in for the author, he's become something much greater. Starting as a fairly unremarkable human male, he comes to Equestria through falling asleep from too much alcohol.
- The Alcoholic: At least one of his visits to Equestria (before he became a permanent resident) was caused by drinking himself into a coma. Since he learned how to speed grow tequila plants it hasn't gotten better.
- The Corrupter: Read one of the early chapters before Valiant had affected the plot. The mane 6 were all honest, upstanding citizens like in the show. Now read the most recently released chapter. Valiant takes it almost as a point of pride what he can, directly or indirectly, get the Mane 6 to do.
- Deal with the Devil: After dying, he came Back from the Dead by making a deal with the most believed in being he could find: Santa Claus. He briefly wishes he'd made the same deal with The Beatles.
- Grew Beyond Their Programming: As stated by the author in this interview, he was originally a self insert, but at some point things got out of hand and he became a character unto himself.
- Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Valiant fights for Equestria by causing as much death and property damage as he deems necessary. Though given the very deadly threats popping up, he's definitely the hero Equestria needs, just not the one they deserve or want.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He does care for Equestria and his friends, even if he won't admit it. Its just that while he tries to protect his friends' lives, their well-being is optional. Especially Twilight's well-being.
- The Engineer: He's built everything from Mini-Mecha to Humongous Mecha. Heck, when asked about it he basically lifted the monologue of THE Engineer.
- Murder Is the Best Solution: His policy on villians. Even the Mane 6 have to admit, killing everyone who gets in your way is pretty effective.
- Open-Minded Parent: Has no problems with Trixie and Daring Do's relationship. He just wants them to find something they like about each other beyond HLS.
- Took a Level in Kindness: Somewhat. While Valiant is still a jerk, he has been trying to be a better person lately. When confronting some jerk hitting on a girl at the hospital, he simply cock blocked him instead of castrating the guy like he usually would.
- Subverted in that it turns out that was to set up Valiant saying, "No more Mr. Nice Guy."
Valiant's daughter. She appeared near the end of season five shortly before Valiant's death. Twilight decided to take her in as her friendship student. They've since been locked in battle, with Twilight trying to make her less like her crazy father, and Cordoba fighting back.
- Cool Sword: Her signature cutlass.
- Daddy's Little Villain: Well, Anti-Hero but the same rules apply. In many ways she's like her father, to Twilight's frustration.
- Gratuitous Spanish: She isn't a native English speaker, so this comes up once in a while.
- Murder Is the Best Solution: There are few problems that she doesn't use her sword to solve. And to Twilight's frustration, it usually is the best solution.
- Robotic Reveal: Turns out she's a robot Valiant designed.
- Attack Backfire: How she became a child. She tried firing an age spell at Twilight and hit a piece of metal instead. A few ricochets later, Trixie gets hit by her own spell.
- Battle Couple: With Daring Do.
- Fountain of Youth: Was turned into a child after facing off against Valiant.
- Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: In a relationship with Daring Do. It mostly revolves around HLS.
- Hero of Another Story: Besides actually getting her own story, she and Daring have had a lot of archaeological adventures while Valiant and the mane 6 are doing their thing.
- I Love Nuclear Power: Its what gave her her spider form.
- More Dakka: Her M60 she carries around.
- All Love Is Unrequited: Subverted. While it took Valiant awhile to notice her, when he finally did realize her affections they hooked up pretty much immediately.
- Battle Couple: With Valiant.
- Broken Bird: Was an absolute mess during season four after whatever happened in Equestria girls. She gets better.
Twilight SparkleValiant's frenemy and rival. When he first arrived in Equestria she offered to let him crash on her couch in the library. This was probably the single greatest mistake of Twilight's entire life. The two have gone back and forth with Valiant trolling/manipulating Twilight as she desperately tries to get one step ahead of him. She ascended to alicornhood at the same time as she did in canon, and out of all the Mane 6, is the only one who hasn't gotten powers due to Valiant's actions.
- Can't Catch Up: She's never been able to figure out what Valiant's up to until its too late for her to do anything.
- Commander Contrarian: She always has an objection to Valiant's plans. Usually about how lethal they are.
- Cloud Cuckoolanders Minder: She tried to be this to Valiant and is trying again as Cordoba's teacher. But as mentioned above, she's woefully behind.
- Morality Pet: While she fails to deliberately reign in Valiant, she somehow manages it passively. He would probably be much more lethal were she not around to constantly object to things.
- Only Sane Mare: Often the only one who thinks Valiant's crazy schemes are, well, crazy. She's still liable to crack, but she's the closest thing to sanity we have.
Pinkie PiePinkie Pie is probably the most unhinged of all the Mane 6 in this story. Is currently in a relationship with Fluttershy, but has made it clear that she's more than willing to screw anyone who offers. She seems to be the most willing to follow Valiant's more violent plans, often being the deciding vote that convinces the others to go along with it. She's also usually the first one to make innuendo or laugh at a reference to the human world.
- Anything That Moves: She's shown interest in screwing many poniesnote , usually wanting to make them part of an orgy between her and Fluttershy.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Besides being one of the few to understand Valiant's references to Earth, she held a conversation with the author at the start of On Your Marks.
- Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: While she's mostly focused of Fluttershy, she also seems to want to get other mares in on it, with little success.
- Psycho Lesbian: More in the vein of she's psychotic and a lesbian, but if Fluttershy is to be believed the psycho-ness tends to bleed over into sex quite often.
- Wedding Smashers: Her and Fluttershy's wedding got postponed due to Stuff Blowing Up multiple times. It reached the point where they tried to just quietly get married in Los Pegasus, and even that didn't work.