Chester's review of Twilight sums it up well enough.
"And then the kids are like 'OH MY GOD I GET IT! (Pause) That kid is SUPERMAN!'"
"I smell pretentiousness! SHE'S THAT WAY!"
"And so, the girl and the vampire go on a date... THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE BEGINNING OF A JOKE DOESN'T IT ?!"
"And I'm like 'People from Egypt can tell you're a vampire! You don't hide it very well! All that's missing is a shirt that says 'I am a vampire, bite me!'"
"And the computer is like: "He's a bloodsucker! A creature of the night! Nosferatu!" And then the computer is like: "Do I have to spell it out for you?! A VAMPIRE!""
"And the girl is like, "Oh my God! ...That is SO HOT!""
"And his skin starts shining like diamonds! And the girl is like, 'Boy, some girls are lucky if their boyfriend gets them a diamond. But my boyfriend is COVERED IN DIAMONDS! Can I just wear you on my finger?!'"
So, the good vampire has to suck the evil out of her arm. And the father is like, "You have to stop sucking. You're sucking too much!" And the boy vampire is like, "That's nothing. You should see what she sucked on me!"
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
"I will just stare at you." Cue silence as Bum!Edward and Bum!Bella stare at each other. "...For some reason, I find that very attractive."
"I was an Asian Boy Scout once! Wasn't that a weird week."
"And all the characters are there. Including...the bird (CAW!), Carl (Meh), the boy (Wow!), the dog (Squirrel!), the chipmunk dog (indeed.), Muntz (BIIIIIIIIIIIIRD!)!"
"And Eight Bit Mickey! (Ding!) I love that guy."
And later... "And they all live happily ever after...ALL of them. The bird (CAW!), Carl (Meh), the boy (Wow!), the dog (Squirrel!), the chipmunk dog (indeed.), Muntz (BIIIIIIIIIIIIR- No, no, not Muntz. He's dead."
"And there's this atomic guy, who looks like he's trying out for the naked Blue Man Group! I was in the Naked Blue Man Group once! Apparently, I wasn't Jewish enough, whatever that means. And this blue guy, he can defeat anybody he wants, because everyone is distracted by his giganto penis! Seriously! Doesn't the guy put on any pants? My penis is blue too, but you don't see me flaunting it around! Okay, once or twice. Every Tuesday."
Later, when discussing Russians:
I was in Russia once! They said I wasn't Jewish enough... or was that a brothel? It was a Russian Brothel! (Imitating Russian Accent) I will go down on you for twenty Rubles
The Bum Review of the The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) remake: "So Reeves is like, 'Wow, there's two nice people on this planet! I better stop destroying it!' The only problem is... he doesn't know how... I guess this advanced alien race doesn't believe in Turn-Off buttons. Especially when it comes to destroying worlds, 'cause that's not important."
He defeats people by putting them up other people's asses! That better happen in the new Dark Knight movie! The Joker will be like "I am going to kill everyone!" and Batman will be like "You are going inside an ass!" Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-splut! THE END!
Chester arguing with his penis.
Chester deciding midway through his review of Hellboy II: The Golden Army that the whole thing was just a drug-induced hallucination, and checking himself into rehab.
Chester voted for Barack Obama. Why? Because he's got change.
Bum Reviews Star Trek, best summed up with five words:
"Live long, and SUCK IT!"
His idea of Star Trek if they were ducks and then starts singing the DuckTales theme.
Then there's the bit where, in a parody of the controversy surrounding Family Guy as a result of a joke that targets Sarah Palin and her Down's Syndrome stricken child, he accused Family Guy of stealing his joke and tries to sue Fox for a furbished box.
His review of New Moon. "I'm going to go with the vampire guy." "Why?!" "He stared at me!"
"You're an idiot."
Just his impersonation of Edward Cullen sounding as bland and monotone as possible is pure hilarity.
The Curse of the Missing Shirts.
"What is this, Sparta High School? All they have to do is speak through their teeth and yell every word! Tonight we dine...IN THE CAFETERIA HALL!!!"
"...And one of the leaders is DAKOTA FANNING! I always knew she was a vampire! She acted like she was 30 years old when she was only 5!" [holds up 4 fingers]
"I'm a good-looking teenaged girl. I love it when boys treat me like crap." "Dude, you can have her!"
In his review of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, this line pops up:
Chester A. Bum: "And so Harry becomes extremely lucky, because he drinks this luck potion! And I'm like: 'pfft. Yeah, who hasn't seen Red Dwarf?' What? I'm brushed up on my United Kingdom sci-fi/comedies, isn't everyone? Pfft. Savages."
In the Terminator Salvation review, Chester shows off his computer which turns out to be a cardboard box with the word 'comput-tem-uter' on it. All he can get are emails on how to get his penius enlarged.
Chester's entire wanderings through Youmacon after taking a bit too much LSD. Probably the best bit is doing the Marx Brothers mirror routine with a Chester A. Bum cosplayer.
Which culminates in Chester running off with the cosplayer's change cup.
Chester's reaction upon seeing an elevator filled with cosplayers.
"I think this [LSD] is too strong."
"What's with all these movies showing their titles twice? First Terminator Salvation, now this. Do they really think we're gonna forget the title in five seconds? Actually, considering what I just smoked, that's not a bad idea."
Chester: "What's with all the loopholes? Seriously, was this a fairy tale written by a lawyer?"
"Let's see if we can find Alan Menken in this forest! PLEASE find Alan Menken in this forest!"
"But then the dad is like, 'I'm a parent who's married in a Disney film! I'm DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!' And then he dies! Huh, what a shocker."
"But before he dies, he tells Tiana something very important! 'If you really want what your heart desires, just wish upon a star!' Heehee! That's the traditional Disney way! 'But that's only part of it! You have to work hard and save up all your money!' ...HUUUUWHAT?! You have to work in order to make your dreams come true?! ALL THESE YEARS I've been doing nothing but wishing upon a star and thinking that was gonna help me! But it turns out I have to WORK?! Disney lied to me! They lied to my childhood!!"
"Disney, just because you can kill off a main character, doesn't mean you should. If that's the case, why didn't you kill off Rosie O'Donnell in Tarzan?!?!?! That damn dirty ape.
Facilier!Chester: I'll make a deal with you, Prince Naveen! Naveen!Chester: Okay! Facilier!Chester: I'm gonna turn you into a frog! Naveen!Chester: Okay! Wait a minute... Facilier!Chester: Too late! Naveen!Chester: [poofs out of existance, a croak is heard]
Reenacting the scene where Tiana is outbid on the restaurant:
"Wait a minute! Iron Man, the Hulk, all the Marvel characters...OH MY GOD, Marvel is putting together a baseball team! Spider-Man can be the shortstop, Wolverine can be the pitcher, and the Hulk will be the umpire, because you do not want to piss off that umpire. He will eat you...I hear Howard the Duck has promise!"
"She's taking off his sheep's clothing! He's riding her hood! She's blowing his house down! The better to eat her with! She's taking him to Grandma's house! He's checking under her hood! Holy smoke, I gotta make a book of these!"
The way he says "BEAST-MEN!", scary pose mandatory.
At the end he claims he woke up and realized that no anime could be as Crazy Awesome as he imagined Gurren Lagann could be. A shame, because it was a great dream, except for the part at the end where Chester got castrated. And then he realizes that it might not have been a dream, that the anime is real! Which would mean...! *Chester looks in his pants* "NOOOOOOOO!"
Calling the trio nuts for sending their kids to Hogwarts: "If I thought back to the most traumatic experience where all my friends died, I wouldn't be like, 'Yeah... I want my kid to go through that.' "
And then Mister Rogers becomes "Who'd Like to Roger Me?"
Chester's impression of Nick Fury
Chester: So eventually he's thawed out by Samuel L. Jackson... dressed as a pirate
Chester: yo mother(beep) ho
Dr Insano and Chester were a riot. They need to interact more often.
At the beginning of the video, when Dr. Insano introduces his new henchman, the Bum attempts an "Igor" impression.
Chester: (looking over a tiny coffin) What tiny little people do you think have to die to fit in this?
Insano: (bleakly) I buried my first test subject rat in one of those...
Continually throwing Canadian coins to the ground at a con in Canada.
One time he throws the coin to the ground and it bounces and lands back in the woman's bag.
While shuffling through a giant box of video games, Bum goes: "Do you have that one game that the Spoony One really likes – uh, Final Fantasy 26!"
Insano: Almost like the Japanese don't know what the word "Final" means.
They go outside to a group of nerds fighting and briefly join in, taking the advantage to reference Suburban Knights. The opponent distracts Bum by calling "change", Insano uses Spoony's "Two Magic" ploy (substituting "science" for "magic" naturally), and finally Bum surrenders by having the opponent tap his sword a la That Dude in the Suede.
Insano: I have used science and ingenuity to defeat all who oppose me… (Watches the Bum flail around with a sword.) …whereas he is simply stupid.
Dr. Insano vs. Dr. Holocaust.
The way Bum answers a woman who asks if he and the Nostalgia Critic found the necronomicon.
Bum: Oh, it's the most horrifying thing that's ever happened! I can't possibly talk about it unless it comes out on a Suburban Knights DVD hopefully in two weeks to a month, thank you for asking.
The entire ending of the video. Bum tells Insano to give his "presiment's" speech, then hums "The Star-Spangled Banner" under the speech, getting louder and hammier to the point that Insano has to stop because he can't be heard (and because Spoony is trying hard not to crack up). By the end he's standing on a table engaged in a duet/competition-for-who-can-sing-loudest with Keith Apicary. Insano lets him get all the way through the song before telling him that was the wrong anthem.
Then in a Heartwarming Moment, Bum tries again and leads the entire crowd in singing "Oh, Canada."
While reenacting Theodora's transformation scene, he has Theodora ask Evanora why she doesn't just give the apple of wickedness to everybody in the kingdom. The look on Evanora!Bum's face is priceless.
Bum!Pepper Potts declaring herself the new hero of the franchise, listing off reasons why Tony made such a bad superhero. When Tony objects...
Bum!Pepper Potts: Really? Name one thing you learned through this movie? Bum!Tony: (Stammers) I drive cool cars? (Beat) Bum!Pepper (and Tony begrudgingly): All hail, Iron Woman!
After Bum reveals the location of his place (which is a cereal box), sounds of people beating up his box are heard and Bum goes off-screen to stop them.
Bum: This is Chester A. Bum sayi- (Sounds of people beating up his box) Oh my God, my box! I- Change, you got- Oh screw it! (Goes off-screen) Hey! Put that back together! Hey, watch it! I know General Mills! (gets punched) Ow! Stop hitting me with the toy inside!!
"Why didn't you say you loved me when we were about to die?" "I was too busy pissing my pants."
COWER BEFORE MY BRITISH ACCENT!
They re-enact that scene that everyone laughs at! No not that one. No not that one. No not that one. Yeah, that one! The one where they jump from ship to ship! And they actually logically explain it! ...ish.
"Let's show them our cannonball impression!" "What's our cannonball impression?" *BOOM* "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!"
"Hand over the crew- Oh hey, Leonard Nimoy! Hand over the crewmembers!"
"Send me the highly explosive missiles this was a bad idea" *BOOM*
Chester wonders how Earth never saw the battles, leading to a sketch where he's a little girl.
"Look daddy, falling debris!" *squish*
Reciting Spock and Kirk's final conversation as "Line from Star Trek II", "Little bit of new material" and "More retreads.", before giving Spock's mourning shout as "Awkward similarities!"