Film / Valentine

Roses are red... violets are blue... they'll need dental records to identify you!

One of the contemporary Slasher Movies that rode on the coattails of Scream (1996)'s success, e.g... I Know What You Did Last Summer.

At a junior high school prom in 1988, a bespectacled loser named Jeremy Melton asks several girls - Shelley, Lily, Paige and Kate - to dance, only to be cruelly shot down except for the latter, who,politely rejected him. Another girl, Dorothy, who at this stage is a little chubby, accepts, but when some boys spot her and Melton making out, she claims he was assaulting her, prompting them to publicly strip and beat him, after which he is sent to a reform school. 13 years later, the girls are all grown up and played by Katherine Heigl, Jessica Cauffiel, Denise Richards, Marley Shelton and Jessica Capshaw respectively. They're now dealing with various boyfriend issues, and Dorothy has since slimmed down. As Valentine's Day approaches, they start receiving threatening Valentines Day cards. Then, a killer dressed in a black coat and cupid mask shows up and starts offing them one by one. Is it Melton, come back for revenge, or someone else?

Oh, and there's no nudity, in case you were curious.

See also My Bloody Valentine, another Valentine's Day-themed slasher flick.

This film provides examples of:

  • Asshole Victim: All of them but Kate, but especially Dorothy and Paige.
  • The Bad Guy Wins: Although some might see Adam/Jeremy's revenge as justified.
  • Blatant Lies: Dorothy, screwing over Jeremy.
  • Bodybag Trick: Shelley attempts to hide from the killer by zipping herself up inside a bodybag in the morgue. It doesn't work.
  • Chained to a Bed: At the Valentine's Day Party, Brian lures Paige upstairs with a promise of giving her a surprise: which turns out to be his penis. Paige takes her revenge by tying him to the bed and blindfolding him with silk scarves, and then poring melted wax from a candle over his genitals.
  • Childhood Friends: Kate, Paige, Lily, Shelley and Dorothy.
  • "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot: If Dorothy had just told the truth and not claimed Jeremy had raped her, he wouldn't have done what he did.
  • Death by Irony / Foreshadowing: In the opening, when Jeremy asks the five girls to dance with him, their responses foreshadow their fates.
    • Shelley's response: "In your dreams!"
      • Killed while lying prone in a bodybag.
    • Lily's response: "Eww!"
      • Received a box full of maggot-filled chocolates. Later used for archery practice by Adam/Jeremy, with her body falling into a dumpster.
    • Paige's response: "I'd rather be boiled alive."
      • Make that electrocuted in a hot tub.
    • Kate's response: "Maybe later, Jeremy."
      • She survives only because she showed kindness to Jeremy/Adam.
    • Dorothy set him up big time, claiming that Jeremy attacked her under the bleachers when they were caught making out by several school bullies. He gets his ass kicked and sent off to reform school as a result.
      • Adam/Jeremy set her up to take the fall for all of the murders, and gets away scot-free.
  • Death by Sex: Kate, the most chaste of the girls, is the sole survivor.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Treat the nerd like garbage and then use him as a fall guy when you get caught making out? He will come back for you later on and kill the lot of you. (Though it may be justified in the latter case, given the punishment he received for something he didn't do.)
  • Dumb Blonde: Lilly Voight.
  • Electrified Bathtub: Paige is killed when the killer throws his electric drill into the hot tub with her.
  • Fanservice: The movie stars Katherine Heigl, Marley Shelton, Denise Richards, Jessica Cauffiel, and Jessica Capshaw. Definitely to be expected.
  • Jerkass: Detective Vaughn. He even harasses Paige.
  • Final Girl: Kate.
  • Food Slap: At the dance, the bullies dump a bowl of punch over Jeremy's head before beating him up.
  • Freudian Excuse
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Adam Carr/Jeremy Melton went from being the biggest loser in high school to become a vindictive serial killer.
  • Grievous Bottley Harm: When Kate is dancing with Adam and suddenly suspects him of being the killer, she smashes a champagne bottle over his head in order to get away.
  • Groin Attack: Kate knees Adam in the crotch as she dances with him when she suspects him of being the killer.
  • Horror Doesn't Settle for Simple Tuesday
  • I Ate WHAT?!: Lily takes a bite of one of the chocolates sent to her, only to discover it is full of maggots.
  • Jerkass: Max, Campbell, and Ruthie certainly qualify.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Dorothy.
  • Off with His Head!: After Dorothy's party, Kate finds the head of Detective Vaughn floating in the fishpond.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Paige
  • Railing Kill: After being hit by several arrows, Lily topples over a railing and falls into a dumpster.
  • Really Gets Around: Paige. When Paige chastises Dorothy for allowing a man whose last name she does not know into her house, Dorothy snaps back that Paige has allowed men she has known for less than an hour into her pants.
  • Red Herring: Jason Marquette and Campbell.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Adolescent rejection turns into an adult killing spree.
  • Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...:
    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    They'll need dental records
    To identify you.
  • Shout-Out: The killer getting a nosebleed everytime he kills is a possible reference to Alone in the Dark (1982).
  • Shower Scene: Kate is taking a shower in her apartment. She hears a noise, and with shampoo still in her hair, puts on a towel and goes out to investigate. Her water then goes out, prompting a bit where she dunks her head in the (hopefully clean) toilet to rinse the shampoo out of her hair.
  • Slashed Throat: Shelley, the first girl to die, is done in by having her throat cut.
  • Slashers Prefer Blondes: Averted. Kate, the sole survivor, is a blond.
  • Terrible Interviewees Montage: One of the girls goes through one of these at a blind dating session.
  • Third-Person Person: Jason Marquette, who constantly refers to himself as 'Jason'.
  • This Is a Drill: And it's used to attack a girl in a hot tub.
  • Trash Landing: Lily is shot by arrows until she falls off the balcony into a dumpster aka Death by Irony.
  • Twist Ending: Adam Carr is Jeremy Melton.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The last that is seen of Brian is when Paige leaves him Chained to a Bed. This means that at the end of the film, he is very likely still tied to a bed in a house full of dead people.