Use Noodle Implements.

Your setting yourself on fire while climbing mount Everest? alright to each there own I guess.

I need a Lighter, 20 pounds of Uranium, and Silver key. no wait let me rephrase that. I need THE Silver Key.

you want to set a radioactive book on fire? not sure that's healthy.....

I have lots of eggs, a snuggle dungeon, a cardboard cutout, a goldfish and some paper plates.

Making breakfast for your pets?

I need a clothespin, a dog, a RED block, an exclamation point off that flag, a sock, a waterfall, a baseball that is flat, a yellow flag, and a dump truck wheel. Also duct tape, a fork, and 9 sausages.

That barricade won't hold against the French army. You're gonna die.

I need a d20, a collar studded with the teeth of my enemies, a piece of walnut wood, a Nokia phone, a German flag, and six gallons of purple Powerade.

I guess that's an interesting interpretation of God for your cosplay.

I need a bucket of LEGO Duplo, unidentified pink slime, a poorly-made clay bust of an obscure historical figure, and some painted clothing pins, stat!

Man, you have a weird idea of what statues are made of.

I have tweezers, Cirno’s autograph, a broken bathroom scale, and a massive pain in my hips. What did I do last night?

Sounds like Sexual-Offenderman rammed through your roof, landed on your bathroom scale, then captured both you and Cirno last night. You Do Not Want To Know what he did with the tweezers.

How did I wind up with a vampire, a dragon, and an F.O.E. on leashes?

Edited by Miss_Desperado on Apr 1st 2019 at 2:52:15 AM

Showing off how many mythological creatures you have?

I need a book with Christmas sheet music, a bad singer, a recruitment paper for a band, a loudspeaker playing a loud song, an axe, and those lights on the top of a police car.

You are not starting a Christmas Revolution Riot, Calm the hell down.

I needas Much iron you can give me, 20 pounds of silver, and enough garlic to overwhelm the nostrils of anything with super smell. oh and a safety torch

You're going to manipulate the vampires, werewolves and Fair Folk into going to war against each other, and then after they've exhausted themselves in the Mêlée à Trois, you're going to conquer all three factions in one fell swoop.

I have a kumquat, a pickle barrel, an eyepatch, a cannon without cannonballs, a parachute, and a bear. Do you have a shovel and seven hundred sandbags?

No, I’m not going to let you shoot that bear filled with eyeballs to bury it. It’s just weird.

I need a bunch of classical books, the Omnitrix, a bunch of mythology books and Rick Riordan’s magic.

Trying to learn how to write epic fanfiction? Good luck, you're going to need it.

I have Dolores Umbridge, separated from her wand, Bound and Gagged inside a Bag of Kidnapping; the most splintery pickle barrel I can find; another Bag of Kidnapping filled with doxies; several dozen copies of the Monster Book of Monsters; two halves of a coconut shell; a cooperative thestral; seven hundred sandbags; and a parachute. Can you get me into the highest tower of Hogwarts?

Look, J.K. Rowling, I know you want to introduce some trauma into her backstory years after you published the book, but just... not like that, please?

Hey, can you check the cabinet? There should be some cotton balls and a t-shirt with suspicious stains on it. I need it to go with my tongue depressors, chocolate bon bons, and eagle feather.

No. I refuse to go along with your tickle fight that's disguised as a doctor's visit! And, no, the ticklee won't be assured that a murderer is being the doctor. Not ven if you bribe them with chocolate bonbons.

I need a blowtorch, a toilet designed for toilet-training children, a spoon, some bug poison, a towel, a toilet seat from a public restroom, a knight's outfit, salami, a knife, duct tape, tacks, a leather couch, a calendar, bologna, nails, an apple, some clear tape, and a baseball.

Filming a Black Comedy Baby Morph Episode culminating in a Badly Battered Babysitter, are you?

I need a baby, a creepy baby doll from the Uncanny Valley, several dozen skeletons, and that spooky glowing crystal.

Edited by Miss_Desperado on May 13th 2019 at 6:30:20 AM

Comic Sans Undertale is not going to be summoned by whatever ritual your planning. drop it.

I need 20 pounds of plutonium, a time machine, a mad scientist, a dragon egg, and a Muscle Wizard (or Monk)

Have fun trying to defeat Sauron!

Alright, I’ve got Amunet Black here with me, but I still need a taser, a pair of lederhosen, a copy of the newest Warrior Cats book, a bottle of green elixir, and the Elder Wand if this is gonna work.

Just exactly who do you think will fall for that ambush?

I have River Song's hallucinogenic lipstick, Sherlock Holmes's tent, and Batman's utility belt. No doubt they're all tracking me down now. If I can just make it back to my conspiracy-tracking corkboard before they catch up with me...

bump — is nobody playing this anymore?

No, your theory about how every comic book and Sherlock Holmes is connected can go in the trash.

There's a chalkboard; a lot of hamster wheels; a model of a living room, on fire; and a school globe in this shoebox in this gas station bathroom. Why is it there?

Somebody was putting together an ambitious plan to generate electricity with Hamster-Wheel Power — today a living room, tomorrow the world — but the hamsters went on strike and set the model of the living room on fire.

For my next experiment, I need a herd of unicorns, at least a dozen informed consenting adult virgins, anatomically correct voodoo dolls for each of the virgins (the dolls must be Bound and Gagged), and a feather.

For the last time, that is not how you summon Aphrodite.

Alright, guys, hopefully, it works this time. I have Mapleshade trapped inside a picnic basket, three adult coloring books, a jar of mayonnaise, a turkey, a snowflake necklace, a bucket of dry ice, a particle accelerator, and some random chemicals I bought on ebay.

Yeah, I'd go to your New Year's party.

Hey, can you pass those bars of soap? I need them to go with my tuna noodle casserole and rusted screws. Oh, and a broken chainsaw, if you can.

Your Jail Bake will certainly Yank the Dog's Chain — here you go.

Okay, I've bridled the kelpies and put snorkels on the chihuahuas. Now what?

Edited by Miss_Desperado on Jun 27th 2019 at 6:16:26 AM

Now you can find the treasure buried in the middle of that swamp. No need to worry about the crocodiles now.

Meanwhile, I have some things to do, and those things involve a cardboard box, a Keurig coffee machine, a life-size model of the Dragonache from Viva Piñata, a bucket of lemonade, and a theremin.