Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. People hate you for being a jerkass and send the Godkiller after you.

I wish to be Comicsverse!Caitlin Snow.

Pretty sure that's Louise Lincoln. Contrary to what some might think the two are not interchangeable.

Edited by Spottedleaf on Apr 3rd 2021 at 4:42:55 AM

Granted. As comicsverse Caitlin Snow AKA Killer Frost, you take a level in jerkass and become a hatable Omnicidal Maniac, aiming to destroy the world out of spite. This Caitlin Snow can be considered a Complete Monster, in contrast to the other iterations of her character. Evil Is Deathly Cold, indeed.

I wish Brie Larson starred in Texas Chainsaw 3D instead of Alexandra Daddario.

Granted, she doesn't make any effort to do a good performance.

I wish the government collapsed.

Granted. Since there was no specification, every government on Earth collapses, causing utter chaos everywhere.

I wish Beetlejuice hadn't been snubbed at the Tonys.

Granted, that's because it was instead made as an over-the-top Oscar Bait sort of thing that gives it a Critical Dissonance that, in the long run, makes it vastly lose esteem afterwards.

I wish everyone in the world knew basic Linear Algebra.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 4th 2021 at 3:25:26 AM

Granted. This is accomplished by everyone who doesn't know linear algebra suddenly dying off.

I wish I had a PhD.

Granted. It's A Degree in Useless.

I wish I was invited to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Granted. You're not Charlie, though, so...good luck.

I wish I felt the love and warm embrace of a woman, even if it's just for a second.

Granted. That’s exactly what it is. One second, then never again.

I wish that my handwriting wasn’t so illegible

Granted, said woman is an Eldritch Abomination whose form of "love" is completely different from ours and her "warm embrace" proves way too high a temperature for you to handle.

Granted, but, for balance, you can't type anything now, and typing is more important than writing this days.

I wish to go to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory in a way that is corrupted in a fashion unrelated to the fact that only Charlie can make it through the tests of character, since that basic corruption has already been used twice.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 5th 2021 at 10:48:36 AM

Granted, it’s corrupted in a way that you die horribly.

I wish I did not need to excrete.

Granted. You never excrete because you never eat, and you eventually starve to death.

I wish for an artefact of great magical power.

Granted, the magic power of the artifact is that every living thing within 100 kilometers of its location dies instantly. It cannot be turned off and you are not immune, and it didn't kill the genie since he teled out before the artifact fully materialized.

I wish John Conway (the mathematician) was still alive.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 5th 2021 at 1:33:47 AM

Granted, but i'm afraid John Conway has contracted dementia and the fact that his IQ lowered down to -100 points. Plus, he has also contracted stage III brain cancer to top it all off.

I wish I was Merged Zamasu, with a Lunar Paladin as my ally from the Risk of Rain 2 mod called Paladin Mod, by rob.

Granted. You were Merged Zamasu, but no longer are. All you have are memories.

I wish to have the skill, time, and resources to write a bestseller book.

Edited by Arcane101 on Apr 7th 2021 at 3:39:41 PM

Granted. You don't have the motivation.

I wish not to die as a direct result of this wish.

You wish to be up 1000ft in the air. Technically the wish itself didn't kill you.

I wish I could play Five Nights at Willy's with Nicolas Cage

Edited by randomtroper89 on Apr 9th 2021 at 3:10:21 AM

Granted, until it turns out to be yet another stealth Five Nights at Freddy's game, and you've been playing with Toy Nic Cage the entire time. You don't even get to see the requisite Jump Scare before he puts you in a box like that bunny.

I wish I had a Crest (just one), a Hero's Relic, and the sound mind and body not to snap and totally wale on everything after receiving both (save for the desire to go full Dynasty Warriors on The Empire).

Good news! You got what you wanted.

Bad news? You're facing the entire cast of Three Houses on NG+, minimaxed to perfection.

You're just one man, inexperienced at that, against a whole horde of veterans. Have fun!

I wish to become a goddess.

Granted. You are a goddess of death, so people fear and avoid you instead of worshipping you.

I wish my writer’s block would go away

Granted, your writing is terrible.

I wish to visit Japan.

Granted, you catch the 'rona while you're there and have to spend your entire trip quarantining.

I want a new 65-inch TV.

Granted. You visit Japan on August 9th, 1945 at 8:15 on Japan Standard Time.

I wish the Moon crashed into the Earth and didn't affect me.

Granted, you are teleported into an airport in Tokyo without any passports or other necessary paperwork and ID, so most of your trip deals with trying to explain your "teleportation" situation and going through annoying paperwork before finally just ending up having to go back where you live before getting to do anything else.

Granted, it doesn't affect you because you spontaneously disintegrated in an unrelated incident 20 minutes before. The crashing of the moon destroys all life on earth, you only missed the last 20 minutes of Earth's biosphere.

I wish Windows Vista was better quality.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 10th 2021 at 10:50:22 AM

Granted. Windows Vista now has more effort put into it - only for Microsoft to embrace "software as a service". You must now pay $9.99 per month to use your computer for anything other than social media. If you buy their premium membership you can even play games!

I wish that that Harmony Gold never got the rights to Macross....