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Spider-Man

You Fight Like a Cow in Spider-Man.

Comic Books

  • Peter Parker may not use a sword, but nevertheless, he's the master of the fighting quip. The main universe version occasionally comments on this trope. In the eighties, he suddenly realized that as the villains were killing people, he was wisecracking.
  • This trait is greatly amplified in the Ultimate Spider-Man incarnation, likely because he is a teenager, making him more of a wiseass and more terrified. How he is able to talk this much while performing superhuman acrobatics without taking so much as a breath is another mystery, though of course, Talking Is a Free Action. Word of God has it that he quips so much because he's horribly scared and running off at the mouth keeps him distracted from that. Other writers suggest that he does it out of boredom: he perceives everything as moving slower and uses jokes and one-liners to kill time. Either way, it serves the purpose of taunting the enemy so that they target him rather than civilians.
  • Spider-Man and Ronin (formerly Hawkeye) were members of The Avengers simultaneously. Spidey was taken aback that somebody was horning in on his quipping racket, but Clint basically says "tough, I like to quip, too."
  • When the New Avengers went to Japan, Luke Cage is thrown over a balcony by ninjas. Being Nigh-Invulnerable, he not only survives, but he also finds the bright side — while he was running back up, Spidey "ran out of material."
  • The Spider-Girl series has the title character realize this as a sort of automatic coping mechanism. When she came upon scenes that should have horrified her and left her shocked and speechless; if she just made a quick joke about the whole situation and thus help herself treat it less seriously, she could focus on the bad guy. In an early situation, while dodging a teleporting baddie's fire, the second-person narration points out that her dad would, according to legend, be throwing out jokes, but she knows she'd only be able to manage "a cracked voice and a few stuttering comments."
  • Green Goblin (particularly Norman Osborn's and Harry Osborn's versions) has a very wacky personality and the tendency to crack sadistic jokes toward Spider-Man whenever they fight.
  • Venom from Earth X isn't so good at it, perhaps because her father refuses to have anything to do with her crime-fighting. Later, once they've reconciled, he begins training her at it.
  • During his Lethal Protector days, Venom was constantly spouting wisecracks and bad jokes.
  • When Mary Jane temporarily appeared to be dead, Spider-Man beat down a group of small-time criminals without saying a word. The last of them fled in terror, realizing that something was seriously wrong. Rule of thumb: if you're fighting Spider-Man, and he's not making jokes, you're about to have a very bad day. In Amazing Spider-Man Annual (2014) a group of super-criminals almost surrendered on the spot when they thought they were up against the Silent Spider, only for it to later turn out that the reason Spider-Man wasn't quipping was that he'd lost his voice temporarily due to laryngitis.
  • The Spider-Man of 2099 is the opposite of the present-day Spidey: in his civilian guise, Miguel O'Hara constantly spouts snide comments, but when he puts the mask on, he gets very quiet (at least early in his career...) The man is damn scary when he stops quipping. In his 2014 series, while he was trapped in the past, he temporarily tries to pass as Spider-Man. The woman he's saving calls him on it, pointing out that he's not as chatty as the real deal.
  • As any villain who has ever seen Spider-Man quiet could tell you if Spider-Man is quipping, you are probably okay and won't get hurt TOO bad. They also know that if he ever STOPS quipping, You. Should. RUN.

Film - Animated

Film - Live-Action

  • The Amazing Spider-Man Series:
    • Just like in the comic incarnation, Peter lays on the snark heavily when in costume (though this only comes up once he gets his full suit), dropping an insult at least once a fight. Andrew Garfield invoked internet trolls who get the feeling of power from their anonymity to describe the dorky, insecure Peter's transformation into the wisecracking masked vigilante Spider-Man. Peter is also all too happy to repeatedly test his webshooters on the car thief in the scene described above.
      • However, just like in the comics, Spidey knows when there's a time to talk and a time to fight. He's all for trading insults with common thieves and even cops on occasion, but when the Lizard poses a serious threat to the city he clams up.

  • Marvel Cinematic Universe:
    • This is Averted in Captain America: Civil War, because he's fighting older heroes and is too busy geeking out about how awesome they are.
    • Played straight in Spider-Man: Homecoming such as making fun of a gang of ATM thieves for wearing toy Avenger masks while beating them up.

Video Games

  • Spider-Man Trilogy: Tobey Maguire embodies Spidey's trash-talking attitude a lot more here than he did in the movies. Harry Osborn does this too.
  • Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions:
    • ALL Spideys have nice quips during battles and while traveling, making the game a perfect way to show the differences between Spideys. Amazing Spidey has the best lines, full Deadpan Snarker mode on. Ultimate Spidey has a Motor Mouth that won't shut up, combined with lame puns and bad jokes that are still endearing. Noir Spidey may not talk a lot, as he's almost always on stealth mode, but he has nice Bond One Liners all the way. 2099 Spidey jokes more often than not (unlike his comic book counterpart), but he still has good quips during serious fights.
    • Deadpool is one of the funniest characters on the whole game, completely crazy and talking all the way. However, he just. won't. SHUT. UP. There's two kinds of players: those who replay the level because they enjoy his talk, and those who want to wire his mouth shut.
  • Spider-Man (Insomniac): Spider-Man (PS4): The Vintage Comic Book Suit's Quips suit power lets Peter "insult [his enemies'] pride" at the press of a button. In Spider-Man: Miles Morales, his bio comments that he can "rattle off dad jokes like no other", and Miles is amazed at how Peter can keep up the humor while tackling a rampaging Rhino.

Western Animation

  • The Spectacular Spider-Man proves it is possible to quip that much in real-time!
    • "Group Therapy": When black-suited Spidey handily defeats the Six, he doesn't speak, prompting Dr. Octopus to comment that this time the hero is serious about what he's doing. However, Peter wakes up the next morning with no memory of the fight — the suit had used his body after he fell asleep, thus proving that Spidey really does only shut up when he's unconscious.
    • Lampshaded earlier in the series when Dr. Octopus, fed up with the one-liners, asks Spider-Man if it is really necessary to quip as much as he does during the fight.
      Dr. Octopus: Do you ever shut up?!
      Spider-Man: Sorry, no. My fans expect a certain amount of quippage in every battle.
    • The Green Goblin retains his wacky personality and manipulative planning from the original comics and even makes sadistic jokes towards his foe, Spider-Man.
    • Venom is even worse than Spider-Man. The web-slinger himself gets sick of it and screams at the symbiote/host duo to "just shut up". Venom's response: "That's Spidey, he can quip it out, but he can't take it!"
  • Spider-Man: The Animated Series:
    • It comes close to referencing this trope by name:
      Tombstone: Come down here and fight like a man!
      Spider-Man: I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider?
    • There is one episode where Spider-Man loses his powers, tries to show up and deal with the bad guys, fails badly, and the bad guys conclude "This must be a fake — he didn't try to insult us."

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