Batwoman (2019) / Funny

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Season 1

Episode 1 - Pilot

Mary feels the need to tell Kate she's her step-sister when she calls.
Kate: Mary, our parents have been married for over a decade. I know who you are.
Luke handcuffs Kate, only for her to easily turn the tables, handcuff him to a server, and then easily bypass the security on the terminal.
Kate: Password's still "Alfred?" You might want to change that.
After saving Sophie from her fall, Kate gets up to leave the foreman's trailer they landed in... only for the door to be locked. Cue Kate giving a look of mild embarrassment before unlocking the door and continuing on her way.

Episode 2 - The Rabbit Hole

Alice is threatening an elderly couple in their home, but gets distracted because her favourite knife is still missing and she feel likes she's not intimidating enough when she can't whimsically flip it around.
When Luke shows Kate the various gadgets Bruce left behind to try and explain to her that she's out of her depth, he asks her what one of them is. She can only assume it's a bat... weapon.
Kate finds one of the Rabbits at Mary's clinic. As Mary is discussing their plans for the evening, she doesn't notice Kate casually uncuffing him, giving him clothes, and finally pulling him to his feet. Kate then tells him, in a low and dangerous voice, to give a message to Alice: Waffles.
Luke has a lot of trouble getting even the most basic functions of the bat computer to work.
Luke: Okay, comms have to be somewhere... [presses a button, alarms start going off] No no no!

Episode 3 - Down Down Down

Batwoman aims the sonic disruptor at Tommy's railgun to disarm it...and nothing happens.
Luke: Did you remember to charge it?
Batwoman: Wait. What?
Luke: Okay, stall him!

Episode 4 - Who Are You

Batwoman throws a batarang at Magpie, who dodges it and escapes. The batarang comes back towards Batwoman, who tries to catch it, but it goes sailing past her hand and into a museum display. Batwoman's "Uh... whoops!" expression sells it.
- Luke later starts a long-winded explanation about why the batarang shouldn't have missed, but Kate cuts him off by telling him he's bat-splaining.
In order to sneak into Magpie's nest without setting off a climate-controlled explosive, Luke has the suit lower Kate's body temperature (which she describes as "uncomfortably cold"). Then he points out that she can't breathe while she's in there. As she snoops, he takes the opportunity to tell her that he recalibrated the batarangs to her shorter arms and bosses her around a little, all of which she can only roll her eyes at because of the no-breathing rule. Then, irritated by a drawer full of feathers, she sneezes.

Episode 5 - Mine is a Long and a Sad Tale

Mary and Luke. All of it.
Luke: Can I help you? Possibly to an AA meeting?
Drunk Mary. All of it.
Mary: Do you know how many people I've killed? Guess! It's between zero and why are you even hesitating right now? Zero!
The two look at the Skin Pirate's work.
Mary: Is it disgusting this is making me hungry for pizza?
Luke: ...Yes, that is completely disgusting!

Episode 6 - I'll Be Judge, I'll Be Jury

The fact that the Penguin was once Mayor of Gotham City. That explains so much about the town...
The security guard fan-boying over Batwoman.
Kate waiting for Lucas to tell her how to defuse a device.
Kate: Can you play some hold music while I wait?

Episode 7 - Tell Me The Truth

When Julia examines Dino, the Batcave's T-Rex statuette, Kate gets a little annoyed and takes it from her to get back on topic. When she does, she briefly holds it like a lapdog, only to realize and replace it with a small pat to the head.
The security in the WayneCorp building is a little lacking. As Mary proves when she just waltzes in.
Luke: How did you get past security?
Mary: Carl at the front desk loves double whipped Frappuccinos.
Kate: Good. (aside to Luke) He'll be making them soon.
- To which, Luke just nods and smiles, as if to say 'Yes, he will'.

Episode 8 - A Mad Tea-Party

Amid a dark episode, we get this when Sophie uses her wedding ring to cut through her bonds.
Tyler: It's kind of hard to ignore the irony of you using the engagement ring I got you to escape your ex-girlfriend's lunatic sister who didn't kill us because she knows more about your past relationships than I do.
Sophie: What do you want to know?
Tyler: Don't say it was a drunk college hookup unless you were drunk for three years.
Alice calling Mary a "vapid human run-on sentence."
When Catherine reveals she's known all along about Mary's clinic, Mary has to laugh on all the outfit changes she did in the elevator to try and fool her. Catherine just adds the elevator had cameras, indicating she actually enjoyed watching her daughter's attempts to fool her.

Episode 9 - Crisis on Infinite Earths Hour Two

See Crisis on Infinite Earths (2019)

Episode 10 - How Queer Everything Is Today!

Kate's annoyance at how Batwoman "gives off a straight vibe."
Luke tells Kate off on how she can be targeted by the hacker.
Kate: This from the genius who puts the Bat emoji on every text message.
Luke: That's just code!
Batwoman meets with Sophie.
Sophie: Ever feel like you're hiding from the world?
Batwoman: I am literally standing in the shadows.
Mary hitting the bizarre idea that in a world where aliens, a man who runs at the speed of light and time travelers are all known to the public, she can't get anyone to buy the idea of someone using a realistic mask as a disguise.
Parker and Kate's matter of fact talk after Kate unmasks.
Parker: Why didn't you say you were super-gay?
Kate: Still trying to figure out how much to tell people?
- Alice's eye-rolling in between them is priceless.
Parker points out Alice is in a Can't Kill You, Still Need You situation.
Parker: You kill me, you lose.
Beth: As. Do you. Because. You're. Dead. I'm sorry, do they not teach math...?
Kate's response to the handsome Slam Bradley trying to give her a Smooch of Victory.
Kate: (Talk to the Hand) Not...happening.
Apparently Kate really did fire the guy who let Mary in for a Frappuccino, as Beth is introduced complaining about his absence.

Episode 11 - An Un-birthday Present

Alt!Beth does have some fun stuff.
- She tries to handle being on another Earth as "at least none of my exes are here."
- She's amused by Kate's tattoos.
While a bit dark, there's also something funny about Luke's This Is Gonna Suck face when he has to tell Alt!Beth about Alice and her father being framed for murdering Kate's stepmother and Kate now abducted by a gang running roughshod on the city.
Alt!Beth: Okay, dumb question...Do police exist on this Earth?
Mary teaching Alt!Beth how to pose as Alice.
Mary: So she's basically got two go-to moves in her repertoire of crazy. Either say something terrible in a really sweet voice or say something sweet but make it sound like the scariest thing in the world.
Mary perfectly figuring out how Alt!Beth is a refugee from an alternate Earth that somehow got stuck here...then shrugging it off as "nah, it's too crazy."

Episode 12 - Take Your Choice

Mary's pathetic attempts to get past a hospital blockade, including pretending to be in labor (Luke: "Have you seen you?") and faking an asthma attack.
- There's also passing off Beth's moans as her panicked Yorkie.

Episode 13 - Drink Me

After getting bitten by Nocturna and injected with a paralytic, Kate goes to Mary to get her blood tested, claiming she might have the flu. When Mary points out her complete lack of flu symptoms, Kate does a very unconvincing fake cough.
Kate playing up the eroticism of being bitten by Nocturna to squick out Luke.

Episode 14 - Grinning From Ear To Ear

Kate and Sophie going around with huge smiles after their Big Damn Kiss in the previous episode. Their friends quickly work out the reason for this uncharacteristic happiness.
Alice takes offense to the obituary describing her as the "mentally deranged leader" of the Wonderland gang. As she says this, several mooks exchange meaningful looks.
Alice kidnapping a therapist to deal with her issues. One who actually gives good advice!
Luke summarizes Kate's pathetic excuses as to why she didn't end her potentially disastrous Batwoman/Sophie romance as "So, dog ate my breakup?"
Mary's reaction to the news that Alice of all people saved her life.
Alice: After Nocturna drained your blood, you were on death's door. I found you and revived you with my own, meaning I literally pumped life back into your veins.
Mary: Ugh! I need a bleach transfusion.

Episode 15 - Off With Her Head

Mary trying to activate the Bookcase Passage to the Batcave by pulling out books at random like you do in the movies. Then when Luke calls her on it, she has to feign an interest in reading The International Periodical of Technology and Innovation, Vol.2.

Episode 16 - Through The Looking Glass

The usual Black Comedy from Alice.
- Kate agrees to help Alice, but only if they do things her way. Alice is delighted, as Kate's way involved strangling a man until he choked to death in his own blood.
- Alice insists Kate wear a Wonderland gang mask. "We're breaking a killer out of Arkham, so you can't exactly go in disguised as a flying rodent."
- Alice not even trying to play along with their claim to be undercover CROW officers, including waving a brownie around on the end of her balisong knife.

Episode 18 - If You Believe In Me, I'll Believe In You

When Kate complains on someone grabbing her wig, Luke dryly remarks "who could have seen that coming?"
Mary insists on going on the club mission.
Kate: It's too dangerous.
Mary: Dangerous? I have been poisoned, stabbed, and nearly exsanguinated, and the fact that I have lived to use that as a verb is proof I can look after myself.
Luke is unimpressed by Kate stopping to flirt with the hot blonde bartender when she's supposed to be infiltrating a Mafia-run nightclub.
Luke: Can you ask her to make you a What the Hell Are You Doing?
Reagan: (seeing Kate's Obligatory Earpiece Touch) Is your ear okay?
Kate: It's fine. Can you hear that annoying whining sound?
Luke: Hilarious.
After Julia and Kate are captured.
Mary: What happened to your member of the Special Reconnaissance turns-out-I'm-not good-backup-at-all Regiment?
Luke: I didn't call you down here for a Yelp review, Mary.
Mary geeks out over the Batcave with Luke having to stop her from taking selfies.
Luke: This is the biggest secret you will ever keep in your whole life, ok? When Bruce first showed me this place...
Mary: Bruce Wayne...is...Batman?!
Luke: Um, that's, oh...ok....

Episode 19 - A Secret Kept From All The Rest

Mary's reaction when Luke and Kate start arguing is to walk out of the line of fire and start drinking.
This exchange:
Alice: What do you mean Batwoman showed? Were you followed?
Hush: Well, I sort of stopped thinking clearly when she threw a batarang in my leg!

Episode 20 - O, Mouse!

Kate showing her mind is clearly elsewhere when she thinks of sport.
Mary: Turns out there's a not-so-secret secret to all of his success. Say it with me...
Mary: Steroids!
Kate: [simultaneously] Sexy cheerleaders!
Luke empties a packet of white powder on the table (the kryptonite he's smashed into dust).
Kate: I'll stick with booze, thanks.

Season 2

Episode 1 - What Happened to Kate Kane?

On her first outing with the Batsuit, after practically fumble-tapping at the buttons of the gauntlets on her forearms to do away with the lenses that appeared on the cowl, just over her eyes, Ryan accidentally shoots a batarang into a mook's leg, for which she sheepishly apologizes.
Jacob's reaction to "Bruce" showing up in his office is to ask if he's back in town because they ran out of cocaine in Belize.
Alice coming into Wayne Manor dressed for a funeral with a bottle of liquor. The cherry on top is that it leaves you wondering, is she mourning her sister or her revenge plan?
Ryan's reaction to Luke's description of Tommy Elliot.
Ryan: Yeah, you're not making it any better.
The fact that, while chasing Ryan in the Batmobile, Tommy breaks into song, but not the song that's currently playing as background music. Instead, it's the popular Batman-themed parody of "Jinglebells".
Tommy: [singing] Jingle bells, Batman smells! Robin laid an egg!

Episode 2 - Prior Criminal History

Mary and Luke blatantly bullshitting their way through interrogation by Jacob and Sophie, trying to pretend they have no idea that Kate was Batwoman.
Ryan reacting to Mouse's corpse wheeled into the clinic.
Ryan: Okay, I know I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can do for him.
During the conversation between Alice and Julia, the latter suggested Safiyah was involved with Kate going MIA from public view and Alice wondering if Julia assumed she's missing due to the plane having engine problems.
- When Alice is challenged by Julia on why they have to work together, Alice tells her that there's another psycho on the loose in the city. And that person is worse than her.
Ryan ironically turns out to be afraid of bats, as Mary and Luke discover when a bat bursts out of Mouse's chest.
- which makes it more ironic, she happens to have the same fear as Bruce Wayne.
When Mary proposes putting Ryan back in the suit so that she can convince people that Batwoman is still around, Luke points out the obvious - everyone knows that Batwoman is white. Ryan is nonplussed, but Mary looks incredibly offended.
After Ryan puts on the suit again, Mary keeps giving her pointers over the earpiece to get into character.

Episode 3 - Bat Girl Magic!

Ryan manages to run through her whole supply of batarangs, which turn out to be finite (and expensive - Luke says they cost a grand each), and thus spends the rest of the episode working with a combat staff. What's even funnier is that she kept flinging them on the same target, missing each and every time, and that none of those batarangs are even circling back let alone returning to her hand(s).
Next was Ryan trying to trash-talk the drug slinger; she balks for a moment, and waited for Luke to come up with a witty comeback for her to use. And at his end of the comms, Luke just sat there with his chin resting on his palm and seemingly not a care for the world.
Ryan convinces Mary to set her up as a new bartender at the Hold Up... about one minute before Ryan's parole officer calls her to confirm the employment.
- And shortly after, Ryan has a bit of a complaint to air with Mary:
  "If you're a billionaire, why am I only making $12.50 an hour at the Hold Up?"
Batwoman tries to get the jump on Victor Zsasz. He is so unimpressed with her that he calmly fixes himself a drink while she's still trying to get her combat staff to work.
- And then he scares her off with an RPG.
  Ryan: Oh, hell no! (jumps out the window)
Apparently, most of Zsasz's clients are exes of the victim; and they paid extra to have their ex killed more than they did for arranging to have the ex's lover murdered, or vice-versa. The hitman rather thinks Ryan was commissioning him to go after her ex who, as we learn, bears a big name on the criminal underworld enough for Zsasz to be intrigued of Wilder and have a conversation on the same table with her.
Black comedy at its finest: Zsasz is having trouble finding an empty spot on his body to put a tally mark for his latest victim. He even searches his legs and they are all filled up, ultimately settling for a spot, just over his left eye, on his bald head. It was implied that he was on his way to definitive retirement once he has no more room on his body to tally on.
Ryan's reaction to Luke insisting that the Batsuit is perfect as it is: "Have you seen that damn wig?"
- This is followed by Mary's enthusiastic praise for Ryan's new wig.
When Luke sees the newspaper announcing the new Batwoman, he wonders why her headshot looks so professional. Ryan explains that Mary hired an actual photographer for some publicity photos.

Episode 4 - Blue Eyes, Fair Skin

Alice gleefully takes advantage of her new partnership with Sophie to raid her fridge.
Alice: Do you have anything in this apartment with actual calories in it?
Sophie: There's rat poison under the sink.
Alice's Deadpan Snarker reply to Sophie in this conversation.
Sophie: We're looking for a man named Ocean. I'm happy to tell you everything you want to know about the seven seas but there's only so far I can get without a last name.
Alice: Yeah, Coryana doesn't really do last names. Safiyah. Ocean. Tatiana. It's all very biblical.
As Ryan and Mary are going through Kate's old boxes, Ryan accidentally rifles through a box and then quickly shuts it, commenting that she really hopes that wasn't Kate's. Mary says it's hers. We never find out what it actually is.
When Ryan hesitates about calling her ex Angelique for help, Mary says she totally understands, seeing as how she's got "a season pass for lesbian drama."
Mary own Deadpan Snarker reply to Luke here.
Luke: Sophie just told us that Kate is alive on an island in the Mediterranean.
Mary: Yeah and the person who told Sophie that Kate's alive is named Alice. And Alice heard it from some mystery woman named Safiyah who just hired a hitman to try and kill me. So, we are playing a game of telephone with a bunch of homicidal women.

Episode 5 - Gore on Canvas

Evan calls "Katie" a saint for taking them to the formal and helping them come out of the closet. Jacob demurs that Evan is quite possibly the first and only person to refer to his daughter as a saint. Evan also mentions Kate ended up making out with another girl at the formal. Sophie responds that that definitely sounds like Kate.
Some poor dumb bastard tries to hit on Alice while she's doing reconnaissance on Ocean. She sends him running for the hills.
Alice gets jumped by Ocean, who decides to helpfully point out every mistake she made while trying to tail him.

Episode 6 - Do Not Resuscitate

Ocean mocks Alice and "fumbling to kill me again."
Alice: I wasn't "fumbling," I was due dillegencing. It will be very clear when I transition to actual murder.
Amid Ryan and Angelique's relationship drama and Mary and Jacob trying to keep Amygdala from killing them in an uncontrolled rage, Alice and Ocean are trying to figure out how they know each other. Alice suggests the obvious - that they were lovers. Ocean insists that while Coryana may have been remote and he was eager to leave, there was no way he was that hard up for companionship.

Episode 7 - It's Best You Stop Digging

Mary's excitement at finally getting to drive the Batmobile. And her later hint of a Noodle Incident when she mentions that the button for the windshield wipers looks a lot like the one for the rocket launchers.

Episode 8 - Survived Much Worse

When Safiyah realizes "Ocean" is just some random mook with a mask on, Alice has this adorable wince like a kid who's been caught fibbing about breaking a dish at home.
Ryan spending the early part of this episode, and then intermittently later, contemplating about how she is in desperate need of a Coryana Desert Rose and the curative properties that only it can provide...and all the while, also distracting herself by taking care of her beloved plant and even bequeathing so to Mary with instructions in case Ryan doesn't make it. Ultimately, this plant would later be revealed to Mary, Luke and Julia to be the very plant that the new Batwoman seeks, only fully blooming at the near end of the episode.
A shout-out to the original 1960's Batman film, when Ryan asks why that Batsuit does not have any shark repellent, and is told "because it's stupid".

Episode 9 - Rule # 1

Jordan Moore calls Batwoman "cringe". While talking to Ryan. This becomes even funnier when she pushes Sophie to ask Ryan out.
When Ryan discovers that Black Mask is holding Angelique in a "janky old" sawmill, Luke demurs that that's how Gotham's criminals roll.
Ryan is knocked out by the False Face Society and awakens to find herself strapped to a conveyor belt and forced to watch as Black Mask cuts a Mook who failed him in half.
Ryan: What the hell?
Black Mask: It's an HR issue. What are you, OSHA?
Then there's this conversation immediately afterward:
Batwoman: I'm here for your prisoner. Let her go, she's not like you!
Black Mask: Oh please, enlighten me. Who am I?
Batwoman: You're a sadistic drug lord!
Black Mask raises a hand as if he's about to counter that statement, only to pause and look at the guy he just sawed in half.
Black Mask: Okay, I can see why you might think that.

Episode 10 - Time Off for Good Behavior

What's Luke's first problem with Kilovolt? The fact that the criminal's lightning gun is about a billion volts higher than the mere 1,000 that his name suggests.

Episode 11 - Arrive Alive

After Sophie gets kicked off the task force to recover Angelique, she reluctantly recruits Ryan to infiltrate the False Face Society as driver. Naturally, Ryan would need a cover identity, so Sophie reaches out to an expert outside of the Crows... who turns out to be Luke. Since Sophie doesn't know that Ryan is Batwoman, Ryan and Luke have to pretend not to know each other.
Luke reveals that he installed an AI into the Batmobile to make it handle smoother. Ryan was apparently unaware of this, and had assumed that she was simply getting better at driving. Luke flatly tells her no.

Episode 13 - I'll Give You A Clue

During their hunt for Cluemaster's victim, Mary, Sophie, and Ryan come to a chain-link fence secured by a padlock. Deciding they need to climb over it, Mary asks for (and receives) a boost from Sophie, who then proceeds to climb over herself. Ryan, unaware that Sophie knows she's Batwoman, is indignant that Sophie didn't offer her a boost as well. She then makes a somewhat clumsy effort to scramble over the fence and points out to Sophie that breaking and entering doesn't come naturally to her.

Episode 15 - Armed and Dangerous

When Jacob finds Alice waiting for him in his car, she dryly notes the number of times she's broken into the Crows' garage, stating that the organization is probably not that good at its job.

Episode 16 - Rebirth

Alice introducing Jacob to Ocean. For a hilarious moment, the three come off as a completely ordinary family where Alice is the poor young woman trying to convince Daddy not to strangle her new boyfriend just for looking at his precious girl the wrong way.
Alice not liking the idea that Kate wears yoga pants when she and Jacob kidnap her.
The epic meeting of the two Batwomen.
Ryan: Are you Kate Kane?
Kate: ... Can I get back to you on that?
This exchange:
Roman Sionis: First you're up, then you're down. I don't know if you're going to take any comfort from this, Jake, but now you're down and out for good.
Jacob Kane: True for both of us, Black Mask, unless you think Gotham is going to buy its zit cream from a psychotic gang leader.
Roman Sionis: Tough call. It's a good zit cream.

Season 3

Episode 1 - Mad as a Hatter

Ryan suggests "Dork Knight" as Luke's new superhero codename, as he still hasn't decided on one. The codename suggestion itself isn't very funny, but Luke's unamused grimace is hilarious.
Mary is insistent that Ryan and Luke prioritize attending her commencement ceremony over dealing with, say, a bomb crisis, because "I only get to become an MD once and people bomb Gotham every other day."
Mary dishes to Ryan about Sophie's new, complicated love life, because she still has her season tickets to lesbian drama.

Episode 2 - Loose Tooth

Alice annoying everyone chained up in the Batcave is wonderful.
Mary is very obviously Eating the Eye Candy while performing a physical examination on Luke.

Episode 3 - Freeze

When a gang of criminals tries to hold Nora and Dee hostage, Nora snarkily asks if the gang really thinks she can run very fast at her age.
Luke looks utterly disgusted and annoyed when Ryan and Sophie make flirty banter over the comms.
Alice holds a knife to Nora's throat in the hopes of forcing Mary to remove the nanobots from her. Nora just tells Alice to go ahead and kill her, as she's already dying, which annoys Alice, who complains that Nora is the worst hostage ever.

Episode 4 - Antifreeze

The guard drops off mail for Alice with the old AOL Messenger "you've got mail" voice. Alice muses on how sad it is she's old enough to understand the reference.

Episode 5 - A Lesson From Professor Pyg

Sophie and Alice in sleep wear watching a scary movie with Sophie complaining about Alice's feet up in her face. Weirdest slumber party ever.
- They bicker about Alice drinking Sophie's wine to use the bottle as a weapon...and open the door to show Ryan in the suit standing on the balcony.
- Alice wants to ignore a murdered victim and get back to "movie night."
Alice reflecting on the Batman/Catwoman relationship.
Alice: A thing? So much leather. How did that work?
Alice on Sophie and Ryan going "on recon" in dresses. "You're wearing a pushup bra, it's a date."
The fact that the show managed to very subtly reference the "Heroes don't do that" meme from only a few months prior:
Renee: So she doesn't think it's a trophy?
Alice: Hmm, that's the thing about Batman and Catwoman between the sheets. Personally, I didn't think heroes did that sort of thing, but what do I know? I'm a villain.

Episode 6: How Does Your Garden Grow?

When Mary tries to confess to Ryan and Luke that she's the new Ivy, they think she's coming out.
Ryan and Alice find another victim of Mary's.
Ryan: He's still alive!
Alice: Ah, it's her first day.

Episode 8 - True Destiny

Mary and Alice hanging together at the hotel getting pedigrees when the door knocks.
Alice: Did you order more food?
(manager and a security enter)
Alice: Did you order more strippers?
- Before that, Alice judges Mary's nail work.
Alice: I'm sorry, I've never been in a position before where I couldn't be honest because I was worried about hurting someone's feelings so I'm stalling.
Mary: Aw, I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!
Renee's expression when she realizes "I've been a detective for eight years and I'm just now learning Bruce Wayne is Batman?"

Episode 11 - Broken Toys

Victor Zsazs returns, and is just as addicted to relationship drama as ever. Sent to kill Jada on Marquis' behalf, he is positively riveted watching Jada and Ryan air out their differences with each other.
After realizing that Kiki Roulette played her and Mary for fools, Alice pulls a gun and tries to shoot her. Much to her annoyance, it turns out to be a real trick gun, and all that happens is a little "BANG!" flag comes out.
When Mary asks if Kiki was just lying about having gone to therapy, Kiki replies that she actually did have a therapist, but that therapist happened to be Dr. Harleen Quinzel...

Funny / Batwoman (2019)

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Funny / Batwoman (2019)

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