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Music: Alestorm
True Scottish Pirate Metal

''"We are Heavy Metal Pirates
Our cutlasses are true
So give us all your treasure
Or soon we'll come for you"''
— "Heavy Metal Pirates", first song written by Alestorm

Alestorm is a power/folk metal band from Scotland and their main gimmick is the pirate theme of their music. Arr!

Formed in 2004 under the name Battleheart, they released a bunch of EPs (The first of which, Battleheart, gave rise to the term 'True Scottish Pirate Metal, parodying the term 'True Norwegian Black Metal') before signing themselves to Napalm Records and rechristening themselves Alestorm.

From there their popularity increased a fair amount and they're already doing world tours.

Current members:
  • Christopher Bowes - Vocals, Keyboards (2004-present)
  • Dani Evans - Guitar (2007-present), Bass (2004-2007)
  • Gareth "Gazz" Murdock - Bass (2009-present)
  • Pete Alcorn - Drums (2010-present)

Former members:
  • Gavin Harper- Guitar (2004-2007)
  • Lasse Lammert- Session Drummer in 2008
  • Tim Shaw- Drums (2008)
  • Alex "Hasselhoff" Tabisz- Guitars (2008)
  • Micha "Migo" Wagner- Session Guitarist in 2007 and 2008
  • Ian Wilson- Guitars (2007-2008, 2008-2010)

As Battleheart, they've released two EPs, Battleheart and Terror on the High Seas.

As Alestorm, they've released one EP and four studio albums:
  • Captain Morgan's Revenge in 2008
  • Leviathan (EP, also in 2008)
  • Black Sails at Midnight in 2009
  • Back Through Time in 2011
  • Sunset on the Golden Age in 2014.

The band and their music contain examples of:

  • Ascended Meme: The Limited Edition version of Back Through Time includes a cover of You Are a Pirate.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: From "Keelhauled":
    Take his money and his hat,
    He won't need them where he's gonna go...
  • Audience Participation Song: Plenty of their songs have this at the chorus, even on the records!
  • Badass: The Huntmaster, who sailed out of hell with only a bottle of ale.
  • Badass Beard: Dani Evans, Christopher Bowes, the zombie pirate that appears on all of their CD covers all have one.
  • Badass Boast: Many of them feature this, but perhaps the most memorable is Back Through Time, specially the chorus:
    "You put your faith in Odin and Thor, we put ours in cannons and whores! Your Viking gods won't save you now, when the pirates strike from the starboard bow!"
  • Badass Grandpa: The Captain on the videoclip of Death Throes the Terror Squid In fact, he is the slayer of the aforementioned squid
  • Bragging Theme Tune: "Heavy Metal Pirates."
  • Brave Scot: Christopher Bowes' heavy Scottish accent does give this feeling to most songs.
  • Call Back: "Huntmaster" is about a famous man on a quest to "bring back beer to the lands of the free". In "That Famous Ol' Spiced", the titular drink is touted as "a beverage to rival the Huntmaster's draft".
    • The entire second verse of "Drink" references several songs from previous albums.
  • Combat Pragmatist: "Back Through Time" features 17th century pirates deploying cannons against Vikings. Curb-Stomp Battle ensues.
  • Cool Versus Awesome: No one is safe from pirates, including vikings, ninjas, and sea monsters.
  • Cover Version: Many. "P is for Pirate" is one with slightly modified lyrics (it is now pirate-themed instead of cookie-themed). "You Are a Pirate," "Barrett's Privateers," and "Wolves of the Sea" are the most famous of their covers. They also did a version of "In the Navy." Suffice to say, if there's a nautical-themed song, a nautical-themed children's song, or a children's song that can be piratified, Alestorm stands a good chance of covering it, often hilariously. There is also their version of "I Am A Cider Drinker", originally by the Wurzels (which was itself a parody of George Baker's "Paloma Blanca").
    • Sunset on the Golden Age features a cover of Taio Cruz's "Hangover".
  • Curse: "'Captain Morgan's Revenge", Captain Morgan, forced to walk the plank, curses his mutinous crew to "death or worse".
    • The curse on the treasure in..."'Of Treasure" well. We're not told explicitly what it is, but apprently it's quite terrible.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: The pirates of "Back Through Time" are gleefully aware of the overkill involved in using 17th century firepower against 10th century Vikings.
  • Darker and Edgier: Their second album is noticeably heavier and more aggresive than their first, and the third follows suit.
  • Deconstruction: While they do sing about the joys and adventures of piracy, Pirate's Song is a rather brutal deconstruction of the whole romantic pirate, showing the singing protagonist as a ruthless monster who lost all his glory in his old age.
  • Determinator: Some characters in songs, like the Huntmaster and the narrator in Chronicles of Vengeance.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: "Midget Saw"', wherein a pirate gets his legs sawed off for the crime of killing a monkey. It must have been one awesome little primate.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The song "Pirate Song" gleefully celebrates being a pirate. Also, Of Treasure concerns itself largely with treasure and no points for guessing the subject of the chronicles detailed in Chronicles of Vengeance.
  • Face Death with Dignity: The pirate crew in "Captain Morgan's Revenge".
    At sunrise we will dance the hempen jig / So raise up your pint of rum and take another swig! / The curse of Captain Morgan has led us to this fate / So have no fear and don't look back, the afterlife awaits!
  • Guttural Growler: The singing style of Christopher Bowes.
  • Grandma, What Massive Hotness You Have: Mentioned in Nancy The Tavern Wench, "She may be old/but her beauty ain't failin'."
  • Heavy Mithril
  • Hook Hand: The main zombie pirate on the cover of "Black Sails At Midnight" has a trident replacing one hand, He also has a sword but you can't see if he's holding it or if it's a Blade Below the Shoulder.
    • Wolves of the Sea contains the lyrics "The hook of our Captain is looking at you"
  • Large Ham: Christopher Bowes definitely qualifies.
  • Like a Badass out of Hell: The Huntmaster. "Out of the bowels of hell he sailed/ Wielding a tankard of freshly brewed ale!"
  • Listeners Are Geniuses: "The Huntmaster" ends by quoting the English translation of the poem inscribed on bottles of Jägermeister, which itself is the German word for "Huntmaster".
  • Little People Are Surreal: A midget shows up in "Shipwrecked", in a hallucination.
  • Metal Band Mascot: Two: A zombie-ish pirate and a pirate rat, who appear in all three covers. According to Christopher Bowes, they're called Jimmy McFucknugget and Barry Shitpeas respectively.
    • Ghost Pirate: Jimmy.
    • Hook Hand: Jimmy again, except for "Black Sails at Midnight" where he has a trident.
  • Mission from God: The Huntmaster's is "To bring back beer to the land of the free, this is his quest, his true destiny!"
  • Mohs Scale of Rock and Metal Hardness: Generally 7 or 8, with "Death Throes of the Terrorsquid" ratcheting up to an easy 9.
  • The Mutiny: Kicks off "Captain Morgan's Revenge." When the pirates make the captain walk the plank, he pronounces a dying curse upon them all.
  • The Need For Mead: Wenches and Mead
  • Ode to Intoxication: the song Rum
  • One-Man Army: The Huntmaster vanquishes a considerable number of people single-handedly.
  • Once Upon a Time: "In a time men knew the meaning of fear!" the opening lines of "Huntmaster".
  • Out-of-Genre Experience: When the titular monster awakens, Death Throes of the Terrorsquid abruptly becomes a Dimmu Borgir song.
  • A Pirate 400 Years Too Late
  • The Quest: Lots of these, including a track by the same name.
  • Rated M for Manly
  • Retired Monster: The narrator of Pirate Song.
  • Sea Monster: Leviathan, the Terrorsquid.
  • Sequel Song: "Death Throes The Terror Squid" is a sequel to "Leviathan", as both songs feature a beast called "Leviathan" and follow some sort of chronology. "Leviathan" has the pirate crew hunt down an ancient beast of yore to battle it, but lose the battle and the beast escapes after slaughtering most of the crew. "Death Throes The Terror Squid" concerns the Crew's Roaring Rampage of Revenge against the beast, and the second round of the battle.
    • "Surf Squid Warfare" is a sequel to "Back Through Time", where the pirates travel into the future to fight undead squids from space.
  • Shout-Out:
    You may think you've heard all this music before,
    That Running Wild did it back in '84
    But times are a-changing and we don't give a damn!
    So if you don't like it, go start your own band!
  • Singing Voice Dissonance: Bowes' natural voice is much softer than his guttural harsh tone in the songs.
  • Sky Pirates: "Heavy Metal Pirates" seems to be about them ("We're the Heavy Metal Pirates, we sail across the sky!")
  • Slasher Smile: Jimmy cracks one of these at the covers of "Black Sails At Midnight", "Back Through Time" and the "Leviathan" solo cover.
  • Take That:
    • Swashbuckled is a playful repartee at Alestorm's friends, fellow pirate band Swashbuckle, in response to the latter's We Are The Storm.
      • Scraping the Barrel, off of Back Through Time, is a response to some of the band's criticism as being a "gimmicky band" that will eventually become dry. Their response? "If you don't like it, go start your own band."
  • Talk Like a Pirate: Well, yeah.
  • Took a Level in Badass: "Leviathan" and "Death Throes The Terror Squid" concern the same crew. In the first the monster slaughters them with impunity, in the second. The chorus makes it clear: The chorus in the first song is about the beast's fearsome slaughter, the chorus in the second is the crew's Badass Boast.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Interestingly enough, we're never told exactly why the perpetrator is being keelhauled in Keelhauled. We pretty much just have the narrator's word for it that he did something bad.
    I will not say what he has done
    His sins are far too great to tell
    It's not my place to judge a man
    But for them he will burn in Hell
  • Verbed Title: Keelhauled, Shipwrecked.
  • Victoria's Secret Compartment: In the video for "Shipwrecked", several of the wenches are shown secreting coins in their cleavage.
  • Villain Protagonist: The songs are aware they are talking about a bunch of selfish, petty and murderous thieves. The clearest example is "Pirate's Song", which describes a Retired Monster of a pirate elaborating on his numerous crimes and how he doesn't feel an inch of remorse.
  • Walk the Plank: In Captain Morgan's Revenge and Keelhauled, in the latter case as a pretext to something far worse.
  • Would Hurt a Child: One of the verses of Pirate's Song is "I've killed and I've shot, and reddened the cold tears of children with blood!", driving home just how much of a Retired Monster our protagonist is.
  • Wretched Hive: A lot of these tend to show up in the songs, such as the cafe in Nancy the Tavern Wench and the inn where That Famous Ol' Spiced is apparently served, not to mention the titular tavern known as The Sunken Norwegian.

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alternative title(s): Alestorm
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