Elly: Michael - what on earth are you watching? That is not for young children. I'm changing the channel.
Michael: But Mom!
Elly: It's garbage Michael! Real relationships aren't like that!
Michael: Mom, I...
Elly: I'm not going to let you sit there and be filled with explicit information. It's confusing and it's wrong.In fiction, sexual activities do not have to be realistic. They are not there to give people realistic expectations. So they may as well present rare luck, implausible stuff and the downright impossible as being the average daily life that anyone should expect. Real sex isn't always sexy. At best, the authors tend to run on a mix of Rule of Fun, Rule of Sexy, and let's-not-squick-people-out. With or without Lampshade Hanging. At worst, they didn't know better. Thus, welcome to the wonderful world of Idealized Sex, where sexuality often works like this:
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Everything I know about vanilla sex, I learned from the Movies
- This WatchMojo video lists a lot of the common sex myths conveyed in fiction.
- No-one ever plans to have sex, unless they really plan and go all out with candles and rose petals. Couples never simply agree that after work tonight they'll enjoy some "together time". There are exceptions like Pete in Knocked Up casually and nonchalantly asking for sex while brushing his teeth, but overall, people in movies rarely have an actual conversation about wanting to have sex. Instead, we have a smash cut from seductive looks to a squeaking bed, or a couple will just start passionately making out for seemingly no reason. It's always an impromptu act of passion, emotion, and perhaps raging hormones.
- Once the commitment to sex has been made, it is impossible to delay the act, so you must rip each other's clothes off and be lucky if you make it to the bed. Ripping off clothes is always treated as a sign of how incredibly attracted the characters are, and never seen as ruining (sometimes very expensive) outfits just to get into bed 30 seconds sooner.
- People in fiction show real grace in the bedroom. You never seen them get their shirt stuck on their head, or trip over their pants. They must also have great coordination when they're able to passionately make out on their way to the bedroom or in a cramped space without stubbing a toe or tripping over furniture.
- Since A Man Is Always Eager, if a man loses his commitment to sex for no logical reason while his girlfriend remains Ready for Lovemaking, it means that he's actually gay. This is a stock Coming-Out Story.
- Nobody performing oral sex has any sense of taste. Porn stars seem capable of giving a blow job regardless of where the penis has just been.
- No-one has difficulty getting into position. No-one ever gets pinched because an arm is in the wrong place, no awkward elbows or knees. It is not necessary to communicate to coordinate yourselves. Everyone will simply transition from one position to another as smoothly as Olympic gymnasts. Even if the lights are so dark that nothing can be seen. The exception is if extremely advanced positions are attempted, which in a comedy will result in hilarious injuries while in drama can result in accidental death.
- It is worth noting that the same trait does occur in written works (literature, comic books and manga), although in them it's more a case of Conservation of Detail, being that describing where everyone puts their limbs at a particular moment is far more difficult and long-winded, taking up time and space, than in a movie where showing people taking difficulty getting into a position takes a few seconds at most rather than a page and a halfnote
- Lubrication is also not required. No matter how big the difference in sizes, penetration will take no more than a brief grunt. Sexual organs are also auto-targeting and therefore will require no help finding the right orifice.
- And when lube is used, it is sometimes dangerously improbable. Blood is popular in goth/vampire fiction, despite being the exact opposite of a lubricant (otherwise we'd all bleed to death from a papercut); sugary substances would get sticky after awhile and could cause a nasty yeast infection in a woman; oil, lotion, and any other oily lubricant including medical ointments would dissolve a latex condom; gun and motor oils are toxic; and alcoholic beverages would burn. The exception is menstrual blood, which contains anticoagulants (alongside mucus and bits of tissue and other things most people don't find erotic).
- This trope is very dangerous in Real Life for both people involved, for even (microscopic) cuts or scratches on the inner genital are ideal entryways for HIV virus. The practice of dry sex (using large amounts of soap and herbs to dry out the vaginal lubrication before sex) may be the main culprit for the explosion of HIV infection via heterosexual sex in African countries. Besides, it's just as painful as it can be imagined.
- Impotence, if it occurs at all, is never a temporary or minor thing. If it happens, then angst must follow and serious steps must be taken to fix the problem. It never fixes itself if you relax and give it a minute.
- Averted twice in Choke; both times it's treated as normal.
- Conversely, a man who isn't impotent will respond instantaneously to arousal, as though it was spring-loaded.
- Unless impotence occurs as mentioned above, men ALWAYS climax during sex with no trouble. Nobody has "death grip syndrome"note .
- Averted in 'The Five-Year Engagement'.
- Pre-sex hygiene and post-sex clean-up are not required, except perhaps sharing a shower for romance reasons or a villain ordering his servants to give the captive damsel a pre-ravish cleaning. Condoms or fluids of any kind are assumed to be left to their own devices and do not need to be cleaned up/disposed of (there is no such thing as a urinary tract infection), and underwear will have regenerated by morning so that the participants can get out of bed in view of the audience.
- This one in particular was averted in a Neil Gaiman erotic short story where the characters briefly do anal; neither have reached a climax, so before they continue, the woman tells her partner to throw out the soiled condom.
- Averted in A Brother's Price, where Jerin's wives all clean him up before leaving his bedroom. Sharing a husband between several sisters only works if everyone leaves him like she found him, after all.
- Condoms are never mentioned, unless it’s integral to the story, like Ben failing to put one on in Knocked Up. No one ever mentions having a condom, no one ever puts one on, and no one ever takes one off after finishing. Despite condoms being a fairly important and integral aspect to having safe sex, especially with a stranger, movies almost never mention them, and characters always seem to just jump right into the action without a second thought.
- Nobody suffers flatulence or similarly awkward noises during sex, despite this being a distinct possibility, what with people twisting their bodies or compressing their lower orifices slightly to get into certain positions, along with the loss of muscle control at certain points.
- Nobody ever makes weird faces during sex or while climaxing.
- Couples always come at the exact same time. Unless:
- If a man climaxes prematurely, his partner will be left unsatisfied, as it is impossible to continue sex or bring the partner to climax any other way.
- The female orgasm is an elusive creature rarer than the rarest Mon. Women simply fake it to spare their partners' feelings, as if communicating what does and doesn't work would not make it as easy to climax as any man.
- "I faked every orgasm". - Frank Drebin
- Socks simply don't exist, as there is really no way to remove them in a sexy fashion, nor is it sexy to leave them on. (Sexy to the mainstream, that is; foot fetishists didn't get a vote.) Hence the Sock Gap.
- The exception being thigh-high or knee-high socks, which may be allowed to exist since they can be removed in a sexy fashion. With much panning down the legs and so forth.
- Couples sharing true love have gentle, sweet sex; couples sharing a wild, passionate romance have, well, wild and passionate sex.
- A woman's first time will always be bloody and painful, no matter how relaxed and horny she may be (and don't even mention foreplay). From her second time on, however, she'll be perfectly used to the sexual act and having multiple orgasms (and still no sign of foreplay). What arguably justifies this is the fact that her and/or her partner's inexperience can result in a painful first time, and sex becomes more enjoyable as she learns what she does and doesn't like, but the first time doesn't have to be painful.
- Related to the above: The presence of a hymen and bleeding as proof of virginity. Not only is this misconception perpetuated in fiction, but it's used to humiliate women all over the world in real life. note In reality, all sorts of physical activity can rupture the hymen, and many women have one that doesn't cover the vaginal opening and isn't significantly altered (if at all) during sex. Some are even born without one! A hymen that completely or mostly covers the vagina is a medical disorder, not the average woman's default state. And whether or not a female virgin bleeds during sex has more to do with her inexperience (and most likely her partner's as well) rather than any sort of biological hurdle.
- Zig-zagged on True Blood. Jessica was 16 and a virgin when she was turned into a vampire. After having sex with Hoyt, she's horrified to find out her hymen had grown back and she would have to deal with the pain of breaking it every single time she had sex. At no point is she stated to have an imperforate hymen. The ridiculousness of this didn't get past viewers, and this aspect of her character is quietly dropped after the second season and she is later shown enjoying sex with no problem whatsoever.
- Roll in the Hay: Stables and barns are a perfect place to make love. They're not cold, dirty, or smelly in the least and those blankets that appear out of nowhere are always perfectly clean as well. (And hay never, never pokes you in an impertinent manner.)
- You are much more likely to see a woman performing oral sex on a man than vice versa. In some contexts this is an Enforced Trope: the MPAA has been accused of automatically giving more stringent ratings to scenes of male-on-female oral sex than female-on-male.
- A woman is biologically incapable of experiencing orgasm without screaming the words "God" and "Yes" and, usually, proclaiming in a loud and clear voice that they are about to experience said sensation. Yes this can be Truth in Television, but these vocalizations can just as easily be quiet moaning or subdued grunting as loud ecstatic exclamations and screams.
- All couples huff and puff under special L-shaped bed sheets that reach up to the armpit level on women but only the waist level on men. However, often during the seventies and early eighties, many couples did so under unisex bed sheets that only reach waist level on both women and men.
- Shirts are a turn off to women; in fact, they'll ignore you if you're wearing one, like the female sports reporter in this Diet Rite commercial does. When a woman's meets up with two very attractive, fit, muscular guys in which one's shirtless and the other one's wearing a shirt, she'll choose the bare chested guy over the guy who's fully clothed. Even though women consider shirts to be unsexy on a guy, there are a couple of exceptions. Those two exceptions being if he's wearing just a vest◊ or if the shirt's unbuttoned at least halfway.
- Foreplay is not required; you can go from a passionate kiss to intercourse with nothing in between, and it won't be painful or lack sufficient lubrication for either partner.
- Anal sex doesn't require any sort of stretching or preparation.
- Virgins instinctively know what to do and how to do it.
- There's no need to worry about urinary tract or yeast infections. No one in the movies is shown urinating after sex, especially women, even though that (and washing hands, genitals, and anus) is the best way to prevent them. And no one ever has problems with receiving oral because they're susceptible to these sort of infections. In real life, this is a very real concern, especially for women.
- Only conventionally-attractive people (women especially) have any hope of having sex. Hollywood Homely, Hollywood Pudgy, over a certain age, scarred or otherwise disfigured, or otherwise not fitting into that category? You're shit-outta-luck. And when the occasional Hollywood production does show so-called "normal" or subjectively "non-attractive" people having sex in realistic manner, it's either played Played for Laughs, depicted as unpleasant for one or both partners, or depicted as Nausea Fuel in such an unpleasant way you wonder how population levels can possibly be sustained.
- Discussed in Seinfeld
Jerry: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good-looking?
Jerry: 25%, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6%. It's a 20 to 1 shot.
Elaine: You're way off.
Jerry: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there!
Elaine: So what you're saying is that 90 to 95% of the population is undateable.
Elaine: Then how do all these people keep gettin' together?
Jerry: [shrug] Alcohol?
- Discussed in Seinfeld
- A man (or, in the case of Slash Fic and the like, the Seme) might not disrobe completely. The act will be completed Right Through His Pants. A woman (or an Uke), meanwhile, will always wind up naked or nearly naked, even if they're doing it in an unlikely setting.
- Speaking of which, no one ever gets caught or gets in legal trouble if they choose to do the nasty in public. In the rare event that they do get caught, it's almost always Played for Laughs.
- Every hot chick will usually be totally nude at home and she'll keep the blinds up and windows open in her home and if she wears any clothes at home, it'll be either a string bikini or just her bra and panties.
- Women never experience vaginismus (a clenching of the pelvic floor muscles that makes penetration difficult or impossible, and painful) or dyspareunia (pain during sex), or even trouble lubricating. The only time a woman will ever experience pain during sex is if she's a virgin (see above), or if she's being raped.
- Elderly people (women in particular) always lose interest in sex. In actuality, many people can and do have healthy and active sex lives well into their old age. But because this is considered Fan Disservice to most, you'll almost never see or hear of older people getting it on in fiction. (In the rare event that you do, it's Played for Laughs or Nausea Fuel.)
- Men don't require a refractory period or a very long refractory period, and neither do women, unless the situation is being Played for Laughs. And if a man falls asleep after sex, it means he doesn't really love or care about his partner, who almost invariably wants to stay up and talk or cuddle. (In actuality, it's just a side-effect of elevated oxytocin levels from the sex.)
- Women can get sex easily; men have to prove themselves to a potential partner. (Needless to say, real life doesn't always work that way.)
- There's no such thing as asexuality. That, or all women are asexual, while all men are horny 24/7 and will screw practically anything with a pulse (which is the reason why women can get sex easily while men have to prove themselves).
- There's No Pregger Sex. In actuality, most women can have sex all through pregnancy.
- While the good guys prefer either "vanilla" sex or Casual Kink at most, Villains are incapable of either; they always prefer the rough stuff mentioned below, even with a consensual partner.
- The Law of Inverse Fertility is in effect: couples who are actively trying for a baby will have difficulty. Couples who are not actively trying for a baby will conceive easily, even if they're using protection.
- The girl will always take the guy's shirt off when they begin their make-out session.
- When single men and single women get together and play either cards or a board game, they'll always play the "strip" version of said game.
- If the woman is having her period, sex will not happen. In Real Life, period sex is (usually) quite doable, and can be beneficial (i.e. can help alleviate cramps), although some might find it off-putting.
- Women are always shaved or waxed "down there," and their labia minora are almost always short and symmetrical, pale pink, and never crinkly; they all tend to look the same. (In Real Life, every set is different, and not all women choose to shave or wax, or even trim their pubic hair.)
- When a woman hits the shower, a man will join her in less than 10 seconds. And there is always enough room for two people to engage in sex, even with the shower screen closed.
- The main reason why anyone visits a day spa is to get a Happy Ending Massage. If they don't, then the following hijinks will ensue:
- If a man goes to a spa, then he's sure to get an irresistibly-attractive masseuse, and she will gleefully offer him sex that is nigh-impossible to turn down (unless he's in a Seduction-Proof Marriage).
- If a woman goes to a spa, even if she goes there without any desire for sex, then the mere act of being touched by his hands will make her uncontrollably horny. She'll then have the masseur get naked and she'll be all over him.
- Seduction Proof Marriages are freakishly rare; almost every married person is immediately tempted by the first attractive person to show interest in them.
- Male personal fitness trainers and instructors in anything are gigolos, and when a woman signs up to take lessons, she's paying him for sex, whether she's aware of it or not. Invariably, the actual lessons are really foreplay.
- When a hot chick takes up swimming as part of her workout, she'll only swim at night and she'll be naked while swimming laps. The only times when she'll wear her bikini is during the daytime when she's washing her car or while sunbathing in her yard or hanging out at the beach or neighborhood pool and if it's legal, she'll go topless.
- Cougar class: When a virginal teenage boy asks a sexually experienced MILF if she would want to have sex with him, rather than fight off his advances, she will become a sexual mentor and make a man out of him in her bed. In bed, the cougar will then teach the young man kissing and caressing techniques, how to French kiss, how to unhook a bra, foreplay and sexual positions as well as how to stimulate a woman's body, perform cunnilingus and give multiple mind blowing orgasms. The MILF will then unleash him on the girls his own age.
- Very rarely do sexually active teenage girls and women wear white bras and panties. Usually their bras and panties are black. A woman or a teenage girl will almost always wear a Black Bra and Panties in preparation for the sexual encounters that will come her way.
- Every heterosexual and bisexual woman will always and without exception check out the butt and bulge of every attractive male age 16 and older who's within her line of vision, whenever he's standing in front of or walking past her.
- All female flight attendants without exception, have a guy-in-every-port sex lives They regularly hook up with both pilots and passengers, always have one night stands during layovers and every airline stewardess is a member of the Mile-High Club.
- No one is ever on any medications (such as antidepressants or blood-pressure medications) that put a damper on anyone's mood or ability to have or enjoy sex.
- Service personnel that come to the house (plumbers, maids, poolboys, electricians, cable techs, exterminators, etc.) can be paid in sex.
- Virginity almost always makes a female character considered to be more "valuable," and/or grants her some type of special power or status. Male virgins either do not exist, or are ridiculed for their virgin status. Occasionally, particularly in more modern works, a virginal female character might be considered a prude or ridiculed, but that's relatively rare.
- A "good" character (particularly if female) will either be a virgin or (if not virginal) at least chaste, and will likely cover up more. A bad character (or an anti-hero) might be more promiscuous and/or wear skimpier clothing.
- In addition to their duties of greeting and interacting with guests to determine what their needs are and fetching towels, snacks and drinks for them, a cabana boy is also a gigolo who provides sexual services to the female guests. In fact, that's one of the reasons why women visit these resorts.
- If a guy has a swimmer's build and he doesn't have a whole lot of hair on his chest, a hot chick will readily admit that she likes seeing him in a thong like Kathy does in this scene in Summer Job.
- During their foreplay, couples never French kiss, even after their clothes come off.
- Regardless of what angle they approach from, or the location or circumstances of the lovemaking, men are magically able to engage without having to so much as look to make sure they're poking the correct orifice. And, unless the scene is being Played for Laughs, they never get it wrong.
- When a newsbabe's assigned the sports beat and goes into the men's locker room to conduct post-game interviews with football and soccer players, sometimes after doing the interviews, she'll have a gangbang with the players.
- The relationship can't be discussed before the sex. If one partner wants romance out of it while the other only wants a one night stand, it can't be known until the emotional damage is already done to the former.
- This Cracked video has a few, like how a lot of couples in movies seem to be so into it that they don't care that they're shoving pricey and possibly irreplaceable items to the floor when having sex over say, a desk or a table.
- You rarely ever see onscreen sex depicted in any position outside of the missionary position (mostly because this would result in sex that's borderline softcore porn).
Everything I know about BDSM, I learned from Comic Books and Fan Fiction
- BDSM practitioners are all the same in interests and preferences. If you like it at all, you must be into everything that might be categorized as BDSM. There is no such thing as individual tastes or preferences. Either you are into BDSM or you are not: There's only two kinds of people: Vanilla and BDSM.
- Communication is totally unnecessary. Fictional masters and mistresses seem to know their submissives' needs and limits better then the submissives themselves. So why waste time checking if the sub has any relevant medical conditions, phobias, or physical quirks, much less preferences? Right? Of course right.
- Related to the above, having a Safe Word might as well be redundant. If you do use one, you can safely assume it to be foolproof. Surely a person could never be too proud, scared, high on endorphines, or whatever to use one when they need it, right? So just keep running full throttle; as long as you don't hear a Safe Word, nothing could possibly be wrong.
- Bondage is not only cool, but so cool that gravity itself defers to it. Go ahead, tie your sub just like the one in the comic book - leaning forward, with the only rope supporting them also pulling forward. Surely they won't fall?
- On a related note, blood circulation seems to be optional. A person's body weight can easily rest on a thin rope that pulls the body in a really awkward position. Don't bother studying real shibari before trying suspension bondage, it's not like fan fic writers do.
- If Bob is a bad person because he's into BDSM, then just why is it bad to be into BDSM? Well, obviously because a person like Bob is into it. We already know that he's a bad person, right? That's all we need to establish a Designated Villain or the premise that Evil Is Sexy... abusively so.
- Whether one is a dominant or a submissive is 100% fixed and completely rigid. Switchable persons, in the world of Idealized Sex, are given the same treatment as bisexuals. Whilst in Real Life some practitioners of BDSM do have an exclusive preference for one role alone, this isn't true for all of them.
- A true masochist enjoys all kinds of pain, and will eventually be happy to submit to anyone who is brutal enough. Surely a suddenly sprained wrist must feel orgasmic? Best way to start a healthy kinky relationship? Well, just force the kinky stuff on a complete stranger. If you can keep him from running away, you can add the relationship part, and upgrade to healthy later. Building trust and earning confidence is the easiest part, right? (Naturally, this works just fine for Vanilla romances as well!)
- If a male is a Dominant, he is always dashingly handsome, ridiculously wealthy, between the ages of 25 and 45, and does BDSM with his coworkers or employees.
- If a character is into BDSM or other kink/fetish stuff, it's the most important thing about that character.
- If butts are female's favorite male body part, it isn't because she recognizes that a small perfectly round butt symbolizes a healthy fitness of a successful hunter who can run, leap, chase and bring home the kill to feed his family. Nor does she get the impression that he will be be capable of massive pelvic thrusts that would satisfy her sexual needs. It's because she' into BDSM, is a Dominant and has a spanking fetish.
Everything I know about fetishism, I learned from pornography and the plot-twist of detective stories.
- Fetishism is the same thing as BDSM — if you are turned on by leather, rubber, or high-heeled shoes, you are automatically into whipping as well. And vice versa. There's no such thing as Casual Kink.
- If someone has a fetish, their entire life automatically revolves around it. Or better yet, their fetish is their life and entire identity. They exist only to be some alien object for others to stare at in one way or another.
- If a person wears clothes in materials associated with fetishism, this person is either evil or only a sexual object without any relevant personality of her own.
- On the other hand, fetishists who play with shoes or whatever (rather than wearing outfits) are automatically incapable of being evil or competent in anything malicious. Their lot in life is to be a Red Herring for cops and others to stumble over.
- If you have a fetish, it must be incorporated every time you have sex. There's no such thing as a quickie.
- Love & sex fiction and urban legends quote a list (too long to be posted entirely) of objects and foodstuffs which are supposed to turn oral sex into a breathtaking earth-shaking spine-trembling experience: mint (in Britain, Altoid Mints, in other places creme de menthe liqueur), cognac, ice cubes, tea, ice cubes and warm tea, ice cubes plus cream and warm tea, ice cream...
Nobody ever cared to explain how these are supposed to work note and even people goaded to try after reading about them reported nothing extraordinary. They stem from the Steam Age stories of High Class Call Girls and attempts from the ordinary public to find a reason why they were so desired by men of wealth and power in their time.
- If a man likes or expresses interest in any form of anal play, it means he's secretly gay or bisexual. (In actuality, plenty of straight guys like butt-play as well...and plenty of gay/bi guys don't.)
Everything I know about same-gendered sex, I learned from slash fiction, manga and pornography (gay and straight)
- For LGBT people in the world of Idealized Sex, everything on the above lists might also apply.
- Lubrication gets an honorary mention for gay male couples. It's not just anal sex, any hump-type fun can be ruined or prevented entirely by lack of lubrication.
- In some settings, a person is either "normal" or "deviant". It's all or nothing. Thus, every homosexual is also a sadomasochist and fetishist. Hopefully it stops there.
- In other settings, each character can have exactly one trait that deviate from the mainstream. Thus, it's not possible to be both gay and into BDSM. Or to be gay and Muslim. When being female is such a trait, it's also impossible to be a lesbian.
- Conversion is easy! Whether you're gay or straight, all it takes to jump borders is some mind-blowing sex from the "right" one on that side. Whether you want it or not.
- All same-sex couples have a dominant aggressive one on the giving end attempting to seduce the passive, submissive receiver. In other words, one is the "man" and one is the "woman." Male couples always have one Manly Gay Seme and one twinkish Uke. Female couples always have one Butch Lesbian and one Lipstick Lesbian.
- All gay and bi men enjoy anal sex and do it every time they're intimate. According to to fiction, the only way two men can have sex is anal penetration. Most gay/bi men in real life save anal sex—if they like it at all—for special occasions; for run-of-the-mill sex they may prefer oral, mutual masturbation, or other acts normally considered foreplay. But in fiction, there's never foreplay. At most, they'll lovingly make out, then dive straight into the buttsex.
- There is either no such thing as versatility, or the couple is equally reversible with them easily swapping all the time and both partners being 100% comfortable in whatever position. There's also no such thing as one partner being uncomfortable giving whatever kind of oral sex (forget the idea of mastubatory aids all together!).
- A bottom's anus is a discount vagina, essentially. It even self-lubricates! A really egregious example of this trope will even have a hymen (the Hollywood "barrier" version) back there! And since it's roughly located in the same vicinity as a vagina, gay couples have zero problem getting into popular male/female sexual positions.
- All bisexuals (if they exist) will sleep with Anything That Moves, because being attracted to both genders means they're not allowed to have any standards or physical preferences.
- Lesbians always have long, well-manicured fingernails. Hopefully, the problems with this are self-evident.note
- A similar problem occurs with some Camp Gay characters.
- Then there's the other extreme where two women can only have sex using their fingers or other masturbatory aids, or the implication that two women don't have "real" sex if there's no penetration involved.
- If a character is "just experimenting", his or her partner will always understand that (and in fact, will often be "just experimenting" him/herself), even without talking about it beforehand. (Which almost never occurs in fiction.) Everyone's just magically on the same page, and no one feels "used" or develops unrequited feelings for their partner, who almost inevitably decides that nope, s/he is straight after all, or that it really was "just a phase," or "just the alcohol talking."
- A man can become pregnant as easily as a woman can, with no explanation. (Not even "A Wizard Did It!")
- Since Girl-on-Girl Is Hot, it's not considered cheating if Alice sleeps with Carol while in a relationship with Bob that isn't explicitly stated as an open relationship. Even if Bob would fly into a jealous rage if Alice so much as looked at another guy. Curiously, even in settings where Guy-on-Guy Is Hot, two men doing it (where one or both of them are involved with a member of the opposite sex) would be considered cheating, unless it wasn't consensual. (And sometimes, even then.)
- When two girls do it, it doesn't really "count," since there is no penis involved...and also Girl-on-Girl Is Hot. So Alice can have all the lesbian sex she wants and still be considered a virgin, and not lose Virgin Power, or the privilege of being on the "Madonna" side of the Madonna–Whore Complex spectrum. Also, if a woman engages in sexual contact with another woman without her consent, it doesn't count as rape, and does not leave the victim Defiled Forever or traumatized.
- When a guy sees two hot chicks having lesbian sex, they will ask him to join them for a threesome.
- When a hot chick catches two hot bisexual guys performing fellatio on each other, she will immediately take her clothes off and invite herself to join them for a two-guys and one-girl threesome.
- There's no such thing as bisexuality or pansexuality.
- If a man has a sexual encounter with another man, he is gay and only gay. Not bi, not experimenting, just pure homosexual. If he dates/marries a woman afterwards, she's The Beard and as soon as she's not looking, he's browsing Grindr on the down-low.
- If a woman has a sexual encounter with another woman, she's a straight girl who's either having meaningless experimentation or is just calling herself bi to attract men.
- Since Most Writers Are Male, when two women do it, it's Fanservice. When two men do it, it's Fan Disservice, and (in some settings) may cross the Moral Event Horizon.
- MMF bisexual threesomes regularly occur in coed saunas, steam rooms, locker rooms and gang showers at health clubs.
- When a hot chick is caught pleasuring herself by another hot chick, the two of them will immediately have lesbian sex.
- Hotel bellboys and valets are rent boys who offer their sexual services to male guests. They also service female guests, as shown in Oxford Blues, when Las Vegas Lady (Gail Strickland) pays Nick De Angelo (Rob Lowe) the next morning after they have sex.
- Bisexual guys like performing cunnilingus more than their straight counterparts do.
- Nobody Over Fifty Is Gay. See also the note in the first section about seniors and sex.
For other ways things can go unnaturally smooth, compare and contrast Common Mary Sue Traits. While Mary Sue is a way to function socially and Idealized Sex is a way to function sexually, they are both unrealistic in the same basic way. (Not to mention that Mary Sues tend to try their damn hardest to serve as fanservice anyways...)