Dwight and Angela trying to learn more about homosexuality by asking Toby where gayness comes from.
"This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
"By the end of the day, my desk was two feet closer to the photocopier."
"Jim has been looking at me...kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me." * cue Michael's stalker stare*
"Game's over, I'm going to kill you for real."
I'd spend my time today listing all the pranks from Conflict Resolution but that would probably just take too much time.
Any prank by Jim ever on Dwight is probably worthy of a mention.
Jim: I sent him faxes. From himself. From the future.
Particularly the pre-credits teaser where Dwight has replaced his chair with an exercise ball, and is bouncing around on it. Jim watches for a few minutes, then goes over and stabs the ball, causing Dwight to fall to the ground.
That wasn't actually meant to happen. The ball was meant to deflate slowly, with Dwight sinking to the ground as he glared over his desk at Jim, but when John Krasinski punctured the ball, he hit a seam and instead of deflating, it just burst. The actors resulting reactions are all genuine. This troper thinks that knowing this makes the scene that much funnier.
When Jim dresses up as Dwight. Which leads later to Dwight pulling a reversal.
Dwight arrives at the office to find every one of his possessions wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. He gives Jim an annoyed look and says how easy it will be to undo. As he says this, he tosses his briefcase onto the desk and sits in his chair...only for it to collapse. The desk and chair weren't covered in wrapping paper, they were made of wrapping paper.
When Jim attaches a suspicious looking red wire to the back of Dwight's computer, leading to a hilarious visual gag.
"The Injury." Just... the entire episode. I was a big fan of the British version and was skeptical of this one, until my friends showed me this episode. It was all I needed.
Michael:(from inside the bathroom) Get Ryan! He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a bit. Bring a wet towel.
Ryan frantically mimes 'no' to Toby.
Toby: Uh, Ryan is dead.
Then later, when Michael makes it out of the bathroom: "Ryan, who is supposed to be DEAD..."
Dwight's "fire drill." I nearly fell out of my chair the first time I saw Oscar fall out of the ceiling.
Andy: THE FIRE'S SHOOTING AT US!
Angela: Pull me up!
Oscar: You're too heavy!
Angela: I only weigh eighty-two pounds! Save Bandit! (throws her cat up into the ceiling; cat plummets to the ground with an angry yowl)
Michael to Stanley while he's having a heart attack: "STANLEY WAKE UP, BARRACK IS PRESIDENT! YOU'RE BLACK STANLEY!
Pretty much all of "Stress Relief," really, but especially Michael's revenge-roast of everyone in the office:
"Jim, you're six-eleven and you weigh ninety pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom, roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom, roasted. Pam, you failed art school, boom, roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom, roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke. Boom, roasted. Creed, your teeth called: your breath stinks. Boom, roasted. Angela—where's Angela? Oh, there you are, I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom, roasted! Stanley! You crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom, roasted. [Stanley starts laughing] Oscar you are... [distracted by Stanley] ...Oscar, you're gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck! And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom, roasted!"
Michael's experience with a CPR training dummy.
Michael: No, Rose. They are not breathing. ... And they have no arms or legs.
Rose: N- That's not part of it.
Michael: Where are they?
As a post-honeymoon gift, Dwight gives Jim a duck mallard with a Incredibly Obvious Bug. For the rest of the episode, Jim screws with him by playing loud music, giving the mallard away, talking directly into it, etc. Eventually it is thrown away. Then in The Tag Dwight sneaks back into the office and takes out a pen he put there at the beginning of the episode. "Do you really think I'd put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane."
Andy and Dwight's duel. What could have been a really horrifying story was Played for Laughs quite successfully. The kicker being the office's realization that Andy was going to successfully run over Dwight by keeping his Prius under 5 MPH, rendering it silent - to which Oscar, impressed, noted that his old wingman 'deserved the win,' to general agreement.
In "Christmas Party", Oscar has this hilarious line: "I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I ... I got him this shamrock keychain."
Creed getting Jim. All it is, is an old flannel shirt wrapped in a plastic bag. "Creed obviously forgot to get me something, so he just went into his closet and dug out this old thing." Cut to Creed. "Yeah, that's exactly what happened."
Another "quick cut to Creed and that's it" gag:
Kelly: I swallowed a tape worm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all of my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take some medicine, and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
With Pam's help, Jim tricking Dwight into thinking that the company's automated ordering service has become sentient.
What am I?
While you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oh, and sold more paper.
Going by Todd Packer's definition of "Seperate But Equal", Michael offers to hire a male stripper for Phyllis' bachelorette party:
Angela: No. A man is not going to remove his clothes in this office. Meredith:SHUT UP, ANGELA!
Andy's 12 Days of Christmas gifts to Erin. Despite the fact it was an incredibly stupid idea, the thought process and reasoning behind his over the top gift is hilariously touching. And the fact that Erin is such good natured, it's also funny to watch her overly polite reaction asking her Secret Santa to please stop, or lack of anger upon finding out, despite having a noticeably painful facial injury.
Ryan's wordless talking-head reaction when he overhears Dwight and Angela planning a ridiculously obvious tryst:
Dwight: What about that...meeting later? To...discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. (whispering audibly) But don't expect any cookie.
Dwight: But what if...I'm hungry?
Angela:(severely) No cookie.
Ryan:(eyes dart left...then to the camera...then right...then opens his mouth, sighs, and gives up)
Michael deliberately misunderstanding his sat nav and driving his car into a lake.
"Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake."
When Dwight traps a bat in a garbage bag over Meredith's head.
Dwight's attempts to make himself infertile so he won't produce a baby with Angela yet won't break the contract they made. He held his crotch up to a microwave and put it under a ton of physical stress, all the while yelling from the pain that arises from doing something that stupid.
Michael's goodbye present for Toby. Also that he has so many lying around in his car for some reason.
Toby's entire Exit Interview was hilarious.
Michael: I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um... Who do you think you are?
Toby: I'm Toby.
Michael: Yeah. Correct. Um... What gives-what-what gives you the right?
When Holly says she wants to hear Toby's answer to the question, "What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?"
Michael: (ridiculously covers his face from Holly and whispers to Toby) I'll kill you.
Toby: I guess everything's okay
The season four blooper reel where Michael reveals that he ordered the pizzas from the bad pizza place and the entire cast freaks out.
In the gossip episode, Creed's response to the rumor that he has asthma:
Creed: "If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What have I been working towards?"
Actually, all of Creed's one liners are pure gold.
Kelly's trash smack-talk to Pam over Darryl owning Jim at ping-pong.
Your boyfriend's so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball!
Were Jim's parents first-cousins who also sucked at ping-pong?
"OH GOD...MY NIPPLES..IT'S STARTING!"
Michael's proposal to Holly. He spends the entire episode trying to pick the perfect moment to pop the question to Holly. Eventually this leads to one of the best Crowning Moment of Heartwarming in the show....until the fire sprinklers are set off in the room they're in because of all the candles - and even then it's still heartwarming because Michael, instead of getting upset that his perfect moment had been ruined, is laughing hysterically along with Holly, showing how much he's grown and how good Holly is for him.
"EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE?!"
When Michel fell into the koi pond and everyone cuts him up about it. "Hey Michael did you Find Nemo?" "Don't you mean Koi Story?" "When you fell in did you flounder?"
In "Classy Christmas, pt. 1", Dwight finally turns the table on Jim. Jim goes into the parking lot for a planned snowball fight but Dwight isn't there. Upon turning around, he sees that the doors have been padlocked shut. Cue Oh Crap face. Dwight bursts out of a snowman and begins pelting Jim with a backpack full of snowballs.
In one cold open, Stanley mistakenly drinks Jim's orange juice instead of his coffee and doesn't realize it. This revelation leads the entire office to attempt to get Stanley to notice that like Kevin and Phyllis switching places, Andy shirtless, Dwight with a pony, and Michael with false teeth. He doesn't notice a thing, baffling the entire office, except for the clock running five minutes slow.
The episode where Oscar gets outted out for being gay. Michael tries to quell the tension by at first hugging Oscar after angering him but then goes the long mile by kissing him. Interestingly, the kiss was improvised and the shock and confusion of the cast members, save Michael, was genuine.
Pam utters a Big "NO!" after discovering Michael is sleeping with her mother. Made funnier by a break; in this case, she runs out of the office in a Big "NO!", and the show soon cuts to a commercial break and upon return, she's still in the midst of her Big "NO!" in the parking lot.
"Frazzled" Jim when Pam is going into labor and refusing to go to the hospital. The best moment was when her contractions were coming within 5 to 7 minutes and she still refused to go to the hospital. Jim holed up in a hallway going through motherhood books.
Jim: Five to seven minutes. (tosses book aside) Five to seven minutes. (tosses book aside) Six minutes. Different, but not really.
Todd Packer in Threat Level Midnight: "If doing The Scarn is gay — then I'm the biggest queer on Earth!"
In Basketball, the entire trash talking scene between Jim and Pam, but especially this bit:
Pam: Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.
Jim: I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah.
Dwight hassles Kevin for the location of the leads, and then automatically interprets his answer as code.
Dwight: Meredith, take off your dress!
Kevin: No, dear God! They're in the trash can! In the kitchen!
Meredith: It's coming off anyway.
After Erin and Andy share their first kiss, there's a beat just before Andy starts Scattinginexplicably. And then stops.
In the season 4 episode, "Dunder Mifflin Infinity," Kelly tells the now-corporate Ryan that she is pregnant with his baby. This reveal is immediately followed by a talking head where Kelly just shakes her head to the camera.
Jim's prank in the Cold Opening of "Tallahassee". Figuring that Dwight was going to let himself into Jim's room to wake him up, Jim's sets up an elaborate crime scene in it, complete with an open money briefcase and "IT WAS DWIGHT" hastily scrawled on a door in red. Dwight and Erin's expressions of sheer Oh Crap were truly a sight to behold, especially when Jim himself falls out of a closet next to them.
In possibly one of the best of Jim's pranks in a long time, while he is at the dentist, he and Pam get Steve, an actor friend of theirs who is Asian to pretend to be Jim. This completely freaks Dwight out. He tries to prove he's not Jim by getting a family photo from Pam's desk but is shocked to find instead of picture Asian Jim posing with Pam and their two Asian children!
Jan playing for them a song by her former teenage assistant Hunter and his band "The Hunted":
''You took me by the hand
Made me a man
That one night(One night)
You made everything all ri-i-ight..."
The cold open from "Promos" where Phyllis is listening to the erotic novel Fifty Shades Of Grey on audiobook and clearly enjoying it much to the distress of everyone else in the office. Dwight dumps a bucket of cold water on her and Andy takes away her iPod, promising she'll get back at the end of the day. Cut to Andy in his office listening to it and getting aroused, then getting a bucket of cold water from off camera!