The Funniest Minecraft Videos Ever / Funny

When Tommy says they're the funniest Minecraft videos ever, he means it.

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Voice Proximity Mod

At the start of the video, Quackity was using the wrong microphone, meaning his voice was extremely loud and distorted.
Quackity, Wilbur and Tommy all run around jumping off the mountain and laughing at the way their screams fade out as they fall for a good while.
- At some point, when Wilbur and Tommy are at the top, Quackity climbs up to them... while playing the Dream speedrunning music. Wilbur and Tommy immediately bolt, running away from Quackity as he repeatedly punches them.
- During this whole exchange, the camera keeps cutting to Phil, who has wandered off and is peacefully gathering supplies, oblivious to what's happening.
  Wilbur: We've lost Philza Minecraft! He's dead, Philza Minecraft's dead!
  Tommy: Wil, wait, where actually is Phil?
  Phil: (still mining) I think I saw some iron actually, as well...
- Phil tries to meet up with the group and climbs the spawn mountain... only to be greeted by incredibly distorted speedrunning music.
Quackity, Tommy and Phil are gathered on the mountain, only to realize that they've now lost Wilbur. The camera then cuts to Wilbur looting a village and riding a horse while epic rock music plays.
This conversation between Wilbur and Quackity.
Wilbur: (still in a New Zealand accent) I want to marry you!
Quackity: (high pitched) Don't hit me, you're not my wife! You're not doing- Are you doing- Are you the one doing my laundry?!
Tommy: (taking some steak from a furnace) Hey, guys, I'm just trying to get the beef here.
Wilbur: I want to do a marriage move on you!
Quackity: Alright, go for it!
Wilbur: Mwah!
Quackity: (screams in disgust and runs off)
"If we're gonna speedrun this bitch– I've never spedran a bitch, that'd be so offensive..."
Quackity tries to kill Wilbur's horse, Bert, resulting in a chase around the village. They run past Phil and Tommy, who, due to the voice proximity mod, only catch a part of their conversation, meaning they have absolutely zero context as to what's happening.
Wilbur: If you stab him, he'll die!
Quackity: –FUCKING STICK THIS SWORD UP BERT'S ASS!
Wilbur yells at Tommy to come watch him mine... then jumps into a ravine, while still riding his horse. He then realizes he's very much stuck.
Wilbur: PHIL, HELP, I'M IN A CAVE!
Tommy gets shot by a skeleton, and respawns all the way back on the original mountain. He runs back while sad music plays, only to find the village abandoned. He then sees Phil at the bottom of the ravine and asks him to put some water down for him to jump into... then gets shot by a skeleton again, once again respawning at the mountain since he didn't right click a bed.
- Wilbur then dies, and respawns on the surface. He tries to jump into the water at the bottom, not knowing that Phil picked it up earlier, and falls to his death. He then keeps jumping to his death, over and over, as if expecting the water to just suddenly appear.
Quackity has some... violent tendencies.
Quackity: Alright, Philza Minecraft, it's time to get your blood!
Phil: WHAT?!
When they all reunite, Wilbur and Quackity get into a fight over Quackity's pickaxe.
Quackity: I HAVE BIGGER IQ THAN YOU! I ALSO HAVE A MEGA-DICK! I HAVE A MEGA-DICK! WILBUR SOOT DOESN'T HAVE A MEGA-DICK LIKE ME!
- Wilbur's response is to break Quackity's bed, then kill him, forcing Quackity to respawn on the mountain and walk all the way back.
  Quackity: (in chat) wilbur i mback all the way
  Quackity: you actual dick
- Wilbur tries the same strategy on Tommy, claiming Tommy's pickaxe is his and trying to kill him to get it back. Tommy is having none of it.
  Tommy: You're being a bully. You're like the kid who asked for my lunch money. I said, "No, Joseph." I said, "Joseph– Joseph, I know what happened to your mother, Joseph. It was me!"
Tommy and Wilbur start digging down to where Phil is. They drop down into a cave, two blocks away from lava... then Quackity jumps down their hole and falls to his death.
Tommy finds diamonds, and excitedly shows Wilbur... who promptly shoves him into lava and starts taking the diamonds for himself.
Phil: Okay, okay, what the fuck did you guys do? (reads chat) Oh, Wil got diamonds!
Tommy: (pained screech)
Tommy and Quackity decide to kill Wilbur by beating him to death with bones. The entire thing is full of Innocent Innuendo.
Tommy: Big Q, take two bones, let's go fuck up this bitch.
Quackity: Can we please kill Wilbur?
Tommy: Yeeeah, let's fuckin' bone him!
Wilbur: Woah, I heard that... I heard that.
Tommy: Wilbur, I'm going to bone you!
Wilbur: Phil, I don't like what TommyInnit's saying!
- Wilbur hides in a corner, then kills Tommy and Quackity as soon as they come close, while shouting "No boning!" Tommy is indignant.
  Tommy: You try and bone a guy and then he stabs you? What the hell, man!
- Eventually, the conflict comes to an end when Tommy gives up.
  Tommy: The last thing in the world I want to do right now is bone you.
  Phil: (giggling)
  Wilbur: (walking off) I don't wanna talk to the child anymore.
The four of them head into the Nether, where they get split up. Wilbur and Tommy find the fortress first, and climb onto the side. It then turns into a competition of who can push the other into the lava first.
- Quackity and Phil spot them from a distance.
  Quackity: ARE THEY FUCKING STUPID?! WHY ARE THEY STUPID?!
Really, the fact that Phil got stuck with Quackity is hilarious in and of itself.
Quackity: (with Auto-Tune) Watch me whip, whip, watch me nae nae...
Phil: ...I hate this. I hate this so much.
"I hear some motherfuckers motherfucking."
Quackity eventually finds Wilbur and Tommy, and runs up to them while still singing with Auto-Tune. Wilbur promptly blows himself and Quackity up with a bed, leaving Tommy in complete shock as he tries to figure out what the hell just happened.
What follows is a montage of Tommy repeatedly killing Quackity as he and Phil try to make it out of the Nether, interspersed with footage of Wilbur trying to make his way back to the portal and dying repeatedly.
- Tommy and Phil eventually reunite with Wilbur... Who promptly tries to drop Phil into lava.
When they get back to the village, Wilbur starts running around screaming in terror for seemingly no reason, and Quackity rides around the village on a horse while playing motorcycle noises.
Everything about Mexican Dream.^noteSee tropes about his character here, though it is unlikely that this series is canon to the Dream SMP.
- Wilbur runs into a house to sleep. Mexican Dream immediately lays down in the bed next to him.
  Mexican Dream: LET'S SPEEDRUN SEX, MAN!
- Mexican Dream becomes... very interested in Wilbur.
  Mexican Dream: Eyyy... Hey, man? I'm smelling you! I'm gonna speedrun smell you, man!
  Wilbur: (staring at Tommy) Help me. Help me.
- Wilbur starts plotting to kill Mexican Dream.
  Wilbur: I want to make him pass away.
  Tommy: It's fine, look, he's having a good time!
  Wilbur: Look at– Look at him! Look, he's torturing Philza!
  Tommy: He's not tor– wait, let's see what he's saying (walks closer to Mexican Dream and Phil)
  Mexican Dream: SPEEDRUN ME A BED, HOMBRE!
"Hi, my name's Phil and I'm Minecraft!"
On the way to the stronghold, Wilbur starts speaking like a medieval knight, giving epic speeches the entire way there.
Wilbur: THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO DIE, KNOW THAT YOU WILL DIE A HERO!
Tommy: Just keep going, just keep going...
Phil: (laughing) I can hear him– I just hear him screaming.
Wilbur: LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, MEN, AND WEEP UPON YOUR SUPERIOR!
- Wilbur's knowledge of animals is... limited.
  Wilbur: (barely containing his laughter) YOU SEE THESE?! WE CALL THESE WOOLY HORSES!^noteLlamas SEE THOSE IN THE WATER?! WE CALL THESE SWIMMY HORSES!^noteSquids AND LET'S NOT FORGET CRAWLY HORSES!^noteSpiders
- The group reaches the stronghold, where they encounter silverfish.
  Wilbur: OH, IT'S A– IT'S A– IT'S A SMALL HORSE!
  Tommy: (laughing) A small, gray horse...
  Quackity: I will have sex with it.
  (Tommy starts wheezing with laughter)
  Quackity: For this dragon could kill me, and I could never conceive again!
  Wilbur: Gentlemen, we have plenty of time to breed with inanimate animals later!
  - The silverfish starts attacking Phil, who promptly kills it. Quackity immediately starts screaming at him for killing his wife.
- Wilbur's final speech before jumping into the End-portal was as awesome as it was hilarious.
  Wilbur: BEFORE WE GO INTO THIS, PRAY, MEN! I want you to look upon the nation that we've just come from! Phil, from Newcastle! Quackity, for the land of Me-kiko! And TommyInnit! TommyInnit, for the land of Minecraft subcounts! WE SHALL DIVE IN!
The group arrive on the End island, only to realize they spent so long messing around that they are comically underprepared.
Tommy: Do you have food, or water, or anything?
Wilbur: Don't worry, gents! I have a bed!
- Quackity gets mauled by Endermen.
  Quackity: Has anyone ever seen some of these horses before?!
  Wilbur: These are– We call these long horses!
- Tommy gets blown up by Wilbur's bedbombing and jumps back through the portal, immediately coming face-to-face with a newly respawned Quackity... who promptly screams in terror.
- Wilbur, who lost all of his stuff and no longer has a weapon, starts punching the dragon.
  Wilbur: I'm fucking it up!
- Phil proves he's not above fucking around by tricking Quackity into punching one of the End Crystals, blowing himself up.
- Tommy tries a similar tactic, by placing down a bed and telling Wilbur to right click it. He then promptly gets flung about 100 feet into the air and dies to fall damage, and Wilbur gets mauled by the dragon.
  Wilbur: ...that is not what I thought was going to happen.
- Wilbur, Tommy and Quackity all run through the portal to go find Phil again... only to see Phil get flung 100 feet into the air and splat on the ground.
- Tommy realizes they're never going to beat the dragon, considering the only person who still has a weapon left is Phil with a stone sword. He asks Wilbur whether they should jump in the Void or continue fighting the dragon... at which point Quackity leaps into the void while screaming. Tommy asks again, but then an enderman teleports in and starts attacking Wilbur, who also jumps into the void screaming.
  Phil: Welp, guess that answers it!

Size Changer Mod

Quackity and Wilbur, who are both much smaller than a normal player, repeatedly make their voices higher pitched.
Quackity: I have a band idea called 'Alvin and the Chipmunks'!
Philza, on the other hand, is at least five blocks tall.
Tommy: Massive Philza is pissed at the kids!
Phil: Kids need disciplining.
Tommy: Massive Philza's gonna go beat some kids!
Phil: I'm crafting a belt!
Quackity running up to Tommy and shouting Technoblade catchphrases. In response to that, Tommy accidentally kills him.
Quackity: Are you that Twitch streamer?
Tommy: I'm a Twitch streamer–
Quackity: Are you that Twitch streamer?
Tommy: Yeah. (plants an oak sapling where Quackity was standing)
Quackity: I fucking hate you. Technoblade never dies. Blood for the Blood God. Technoblade never dies.
Quackity was slain by TommyInnit
Wilbur hatches a scheme with Quackity to get Tommy and Phil to do all the work and bring them food "like baby birds". This leads to Wilbur and Quackity building a one-block-tall nest to live in and demand food from. Naturally, Tommy and Phil aren't having it.
- When Wilbur invites Quackity in, the first thing that he does is replace the floor with a composter.
- A baby zombie (who ironically towers over the much smaller Wilbur and Quackity) appears, which Tommy refers to as a playdate.
  Tommy: (to the baby zombie) So, which school do you go to? My other friends are looking for– You're not a MILF, are you?
Wilbur and Quackity's shenanigans in general. Especially when it involves Auto-Tune.
Quackity: (repeatedly crouching and uncrouching with Wilbur) He doesn't know we're Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Wilbur: Now we're gonna ???
Tommy: Phil, this is so hard to do anything, 'cause–
Phil: This is so difficult.
"Philza Minecraft, I would like to have sex with you." Said by Quackity. Completely out of the blue. Riding a horse (while being so small that it looks like the horse is controlling itself). With a deep voice.
The ending line of the video that appeared to have made Tommy cry laughing.
Tommy: And so the children won, and the m– and the men died, who was the real winner? The MILFs.

Dragon Morph Mod

As revealed later in the video, the fact that dragon!Wilbur's true name is Keith Smith.
Phil: Abnormally bland name for a dragon.
Keith: What did you just say?
Phil: Nothing.
Phil escapes from everyone else's shenanigans, finds a village, and gets a lot of food and loot from it... and is promptly killed by Keith.
Phil: (collects hay bales from a desert village) Playing the video game... playing the video game...
(Keith flies into the village as ominous music plays in the background)
Phil: (opens a chest in a village house with gold, iron, and food) Oh, shit! Okay! Ooh–
Keith: (mows into the village house, killing Phil) PHILZA MINECRAFT?!
(Phil screams and raises his hands in frustration)
Quackity runs into Keith's lair and announces that he wants to "fuck My Fucking Wife"^Context... and is immediately chased out of the lair and killed by an enraged dragon.
Keith: I'm going to fucking kill you!
This exchange:
Tommy: Why don't I have a girlfriend?
Keith: It's probably because you're ugly and have an insufferable voice and attitude.
(Beat)
Tommy: ...No, it's not.
Tommy is quick to point out that Quackity and Keith's wife are too anatomically different to feasibly have sex... but when Quackity finds out, he vows to make it work anyways.
Quackity's unhealthy obsession with trying to have sex with My Fucking Wife, to the point of starting an entire business (being a "wife-hunter" and owning a website, unsatisfiedwives.com) for said purpose. While Tommy and Phil are progressing to the End for the typical reason (kill the dragon) and Keith just wants to see his wife again, Quackity is only tagging along because he wants to have sex with the dragon.
A Running Gag throughout the video is someone making it out of a close situation with barely any health... only for Keith to bump right into them and kill them. One case has Tommy make it out of the Nether with half a heart to join Phil, with Keith right behind him... and it's Phil who kills him when he takes Tommy's request for a pat on the back a bit too literally.
The fact that Wilbur and Quackity's shenanigans are so bizarre and inappropriate that Tommy of all people comes off as straight-laced (alongside Phil, of course).
The Reveal at the end that after all of Quackity's threats to sleep with My Fucking Wife, Tommy of all people actually went through with it.
Tommy: (places a bed behind Keith) You know I slept with 'cho wife.
- Even funnier if one views this as Laser-Guided Karma for Keith telling Tommy he's too ugly and insufferable to get a girlfriend.
The sheer fact that the video was age-restricted for a brief while post-release. Since Tommy was 16 at the time of the video, this means that he couldn't view his own video.
In addition to the above, it was later revealed that Wilbur and Quackity actually roleplayed a full-on dragon porno during the filming of the video (which was obviously edited out). This indicates that 1) the already (formerly) age-restricted video could have been even more NSFW, and 2) poor Tommy and Phil had to sit through the two's shenanigans.

Natural Disasters Mod

Pretty much everything relating to Wilbur's "Mule Bits" store. Poor, poor Tubbo...
- The Reveal after the video that Wilbur was absolutely wasted during the filming of the video.
Tommy and Jack end up ramping up the old man jokes around Phil this time around, much to his annoyance.
Philza: Okay, next time we go– next time there's an event after c*vid's gone, I am gonna punt you straight into the fucking sun.
While trying to convince Wilbur and Tubbo to join the rest of them, Tommy claims that they'll be better as a pack "like penguins". Tubbo cheerfully brings up that penguins mate for life... and it becomes readily apparent that he's thinking of the wrong sort of "mate".

Morph Mod

The mod itself involves killing mobs and other players to take their form. Cue huge amounts of Death as Comedy.
In the beginning sections of the video, Wilbur and Charlie turning into salmon and swimming upstream. One would wonder if this was how Fundy was conceived in the Dream SMP.
Schlatt takes Charlie's skin and uses it to ambush Tommy in broad daylight.
Charlie!Schlatt: Hey, guys! Funny pun!
Tommy: Oh wait, oh wait (Schlatt pulls out a sword and starts swinging) OH, WAIT, this is Schlatt– AHHHH! You do not wanna become me, Schlatt, you do not wanna be– you don't wanna be British, Schlatt!
The Running Gag of Charlie and Wilbur as bees. Most of it consists of them yelling about serving the "queen" [bee] or in Charlie's case, making a bee pun every other sentence. All with liberal use of Auto-Tune.
Blaze!Tommy: I've been reading a lot of BuzzFeed, guys.
Blaze!Charlie: Yo, did you just say (morphs into a bee and activates autotune) Buzzfeed!?
- Philza manages to become a ghast while in the Nether. Charlie and Wilbur react accordingly.
  Bee!Charlie: BIG PILL BEE! NEW QUEEN! NEW QUEEN!
  Bee!Wilbur: HELLO, NEW QUEEN!
  Ghast!Philza: I require rods, fetch me rods for your queen.
  Bee!Wilbur: FETCH HIM RODS! RODS! RODS FOR THE QUEEN!
The group frequently using each other's skins to take potshots at each other.
Tommy!Schlatt: Disc! / (in a horrible British accent) POGCHAMP!
Schlatt!Tommy: MMMM, I'm thinkin' about bad things! My name's Jschlatt and I'm bad, I'm a wrong'un! / *redacted*
Tommy!Wilbur: Turns out 50% of people who watch my videos find me annoying! So if you don't find me annoying while watching this vide– (gets punched by Charlie and dies)
Tommy!Charlie: OI, I'M CHOMMY INNIT!
- While most impressions were comedically exaggerated versions of each other, Tommy's impression of Charlie was just plain wrong.
  Charlie!Tommy: I love Carolina. It's my favorite state. I'm burgers. Burgers all along the way. And I love my sticks!
  Charlie: (laughing) "Hey guys, it's me, Slimecicle, I'm burgers!" I can't believe you remembered my famous catchphrase!
Tommy claims that pressing "r" as a ghast will shoot a fireball, only to realize that it actually crashes the game just as Philza tries it out.
Bee!Charlie: (heavily auto-tuned) THE QUEEN IS DEAD! Entering dormant state... (drops into lava)
Wilbur somehow gets the ability to transform into a giant zombie. Chaos ensues.
Wilbur: [...] Tall problems: when your friends (suddenly bass-boosted) don't look behind them!
Tommy: (spots him and screams) WHAT THE FU–!
Wilbur: ME GUSTA.
Tommy: No, no, no, no, no– run, Charlie, run!
Charlie: Soy pequeño! Soy pequeño!

Colossal TNT Mod

The entire point of the mod is that crouching spawns a growing block of TNT where the player is, which is used to make exactly the kinds of jokes you think.
Tommy tries to get to the top of a building using TNT. He declares, "Where we're going, we don't need ladders," right before blowing himself up with TNT.
One time Tommy made perhaps the biggest TNT explosion yet, creating a massive crater. Charlie's response?
Charlie: Me when Taco Bell!
When making the Nether portal, they kept using auto-tune to make each number in the countdown even higher pitch. By the time they hit "2" it was unintelligible, to which Charlie responds:
Charlie: Apologies to any dogs watching this video.

Black Hole Mod

The dialogue between now-dead Wilbur and the players still alive:
Charlie: Are you okay, are you alive down there?
Tommy: Wilbur, what's heaven like?
Wilbur: It's red and hot!
Philza: That doesn't sound like heaven.
Tommy: Wilbur, it's okay, I'm friends with MrBeast!
Charlie: What are you... what are you implying by that? [...] I can't believe you just implied MrBeast is the Lord of Hell.
When Charlie gets sucked into the black hole, he does everything he can to convince Tommy and Phil to join him.
Charlie: Guys, I'm so long... We can make a bowl of spaghetti out of just one noodle, Phil!
Tommy: We're not to be noodled.
Phil: I would not like to be noodled, no, thank you, no.
Charlie: Okay, but it's so cool here! We got lots of eggs, floating around in here, all the eggs Wilbur threw in, they are all here — it's the great omelette of the beyond! COME TAKE A BITE, PHILZA!
Phill: I don't want to, no, thank you.
Tommy: Phil... what's going on with our pals?
Phil: I think they're having a bit of a moment, dude, I think they're going through some shit.
Tommy: Puberty, innit? I've heard about it, I've heard tales.
Charlie: IN HERE, PUBERTY NEVER ENDS!
Tommy: GO, GO, GO, GO! WELL I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE, I DON'T WANT TO GO!

Jump Boost Mod

Wilbur offers "old man insurance" to Quackity and Tommy, and the offers "anti–old man harassment" to Philza, who enthusiastically pays the price for it with his entire inventory. But when Phil asks what the insurance actually is, Wilbur yeets himself into the air.
Phil: Oh– oh... well, I feel like I just got robbed.
Quackity donning a Joker persona and singing "Hey There, Delilah". Meanwhile, Wilbur chats with Editor Larry since he is alone.
When Phil and Tommy catch up with Wilbur, they decide to run after him and kill him for scamming both of them. Quackity also joins the chase while pretending to be Hulk Hogan.
- Tommy sings a bar from the Minecraft Manhunt theme during the chase.
- Philza sneaks up on Wilbur and kills him while Wilbur is distracted by Quackity talking about the WWE. He then kills Quackity as well.
Quackity then dons his Annoying Orange persona and follows Tommy and Phil on their way back to the ruined portal. Tommy's reaction was to urge Phil to go and start running.
Once they get to the Nether, Quackity dons another persona, this time being Darth Vader. Tommy is quick to lampshade this.
Quackity, pretending to be Darth Vader: Luke.
Tommy: (laughs) Where do you get this many skins, man?
Quackity, pretending to be Darth Vader: This is the quest for my micropenis... (Tommy laughs) I have to find my dick.
Quackity (as Darth Vader) asks Wilbur if his great-grandmother has nice breasts. Wilbur tells Quackity that she's dead. Then Quackity jumps into the air for quite a long time, leaving Tommy and Wilbur in silence. Then Quackity lands, saying, "I'm back from heaven. She does." Tommy, Wilbur and Quackity proceed to absolutely lose it.

Body Shuffle Mod

The Running Gag of Tommy referring to gaining and losing limbs as going through puberty again.
At one point, the conversation shifts to ostriches. Charlie, as a joke, looks up "how to beat an ostrich" on Google.
Charlie: Why are there answers? Holy shit, there's a WikiHow.
- He proceeds to do a dramatic reading, describing in vivid detail how to beat up an ostrich, while Tommy, Phil and Wilbur are in complete hysterics.
- Tommy drinks some water right as Charlie describes using the "nearest, longest object" as a weapon, and visibly struggles not to spit it all out.
- When Charlie finishes reading, he sends the others a picture of the woman in the pictograms running away, as seen from behind.
  Charlie: POV: You're ostrich.
On their way to the stronghold, Tommy removes all of his body parts except his legs. Everyone else follows suit, resulting in the image of four pairs of legs running in the direction of the stronghold while singing a modified version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes".
Charlie: Something something, knees and toes!
Phil: Lots of toes and knees!
Wilbur: Knees and toes, knees and toes!
Charlie: And toes, and toes, and toes and toes!
Tommy: And knees, and knees, and toes, and toes, and toes!
Charlie: And knees... AND TOES, AND TOES, AND TOES, and knees...
- During this whole exchange, Wilbur's entire hotbar is filled with varying amounts of diamonds. Given that, at that point, people were starting to catch on to the fact that they're blatantly cheating in these videos, Wilbur was likely making a dig at the audience with that.
The video ends with the Ender Dragon gone and head!Wilbur wearing a dragon skull.
Wilbur: ROUND TWO, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tommy: Kevin?! NONONONONONONONO–
(Smash to Black... and then back)
Tommy: Phil, did you see I did the reference to Kevin from the ender dragon morph vid?
Phil: Keith.
Tommy: Fuck, it was Keith. Fuck!
(real Smash to Black this time)

Morph Mod, But If You Laugh You Lose

For the first few minutes of the video, Wilbur, Ranboo and Charlie were coming up with detailed bits in order to make Tommy laugh, which all failed. What actually made Tommy laugh the first time was Wilbur writing "testicles. big ones" on a sign.
Charlie: Are you fucking kidding me?
Ranboo: Ah, is that what we should be doing?
Tommy: No, no, no, you guys, you were good, you were good, guys, it was just... the testicles were bigger.
Ranboo: Mhm. Mhm.
Charlie: Alright, what Minecraft mob has fat nuts?
Charlie, while playing a wizard, refers to Tommy as "Tomathy Insideofit".
When Tommy asks what the wizard's name is, he responds with "You may call me... Cockus Ballus!"
The return of the autotuned bees.
Bee!Slimecicle: MAY I RUB MY FUZZY ASS AGAINST YOUR DELICATE STOMATA?
Charlie, Wilbur, and Ranboo putting on Dream skins and beating the hell out of each other while blasting distorted speedrun music^note"Trance Music For Racing Game" in the background. This final gag of pretending to be Dream ends up being the cause for Tommy laughing out loud for the third time.
Dream!Slimecicle: DREEEAAAAMMMMMMMM!!
- Also, for some reason, Wilbur's Dream skin was a slightly different shade of green from the others.
The Stinger in the last ten seconds of the video, where Tommy tries to tell his viewers to subscribe to his channel, only for the video to end and cut out halfway through the word "subscribe".

Time Manipulation Mod

At the beginning of the video, Tommy asks his viewers to subscribe so that he could impress a girl from college that he wanted to go out with using a Diamond Play Button.

Prison Map

Tubbo and Jack both accidentally ended up with silverfish in their cells, while Tommy was completely fine. Schlatt then proceeds to spawn about fifteen silverfish in Tommy's cell, sending Tommy scrambling onto the windowsill.
Charlie acting like a hardass prison guard.
Charlie: (to Tubbo) GET OUT HERE, SINGLE-FILE LINE! THERE'S ONLY ONE OF YOU BUT I KNOW YOU'LL FIND A WAY TO FUCK IT UP!
- Some of the silverfish follow Tommy as he leaves the cell and continue to attack him, so Tommy hits one of them to get it to back off. Charlie gets real angry at the fact that he hit it without permission.
  Charlie: I've got a boy beater^note right here, and let me give you a hint. You are not the beater. You are the boy.
Tommy wants to escape the prison to go back to his wife. Jack wants to go to prison to escape his wife, and repeatedly sabotages Tommy's escape attempts.
Schlatt also has a "boy catcher" (carrot on a stick) that he uses to lure the prisoners (mostly Tubbo) towards him by holding it in his hand and going "pspspspsps".
- The subtitles describe these sounds as "boy-alluring noise" and "noise to allure boys".
- At one point, Charlie gets one of his own, and they decide to stand on opposite sides of a room and call Tubbo over. Tubbo then proceeds to walk in circles between the two, unable to make up his mind.
  Charlie: And that concludes the psychological evaluation, Tubbo, you're looking good to go.
Charlie and Tubbo try to make goop together. Charlie immediately pours lava all over the counter, requiring Schlatt to evacuate the cafeteria.
- When the lava is cleared out, Tubbo starts handing out the food.
  Charlie: Tubbo, I– I added a little water here so you can give that goop an extra sog.
  Tommy: You put the goop in the juice?
  Charlie: You juice the goop and you slide the sludge, that's just how we do it here in Big Prison.
Tubbo turns out to have been in prison for a while.
Tubbo: This is my 20th year here, I'm kinda getting the hang of things!
Tommy: How old are you?!
Tubbo: Y'know, I'm 20!
Jack: Dude just came out wrong!
Everything about the Funny Box^notecommand block.
- It turns out that the Funny Box teleports Jack a few blocks into the air, high enough for him to take fall damage. Schlatt, Charlie and Tubbo then proceed to spam the button while Jack is screaming at them to leave him alone.
- Jack is forced into doing stand-up comedy. His first joke doesn't exactly land.
  Jack: Knock knock.
  Schlatt: Who's there?
  Tubbo: BOOOOOOO! I hate riddles...
  Jack: Tubbo!
  Charlie: Tubbo who?
  - After Jack gets bounced up and down a few times, it's Tommy's turn.
    Tommy: My wife said she wants me to be more like Jack Manifold. I said... (Beat) No.
- Schlatt tries to get the Funny Box to teleport Jack up even higher, but accidentally teleports him onto the catwalk leading to the exit. Jack starts trying to break the door down... until Charlie reminds him that his wife is out there still. Jack promptly gives up.
Tommy tells Tubbo the reason he's in jail.
Tommy: Britain has a rule for the amount of wives you can have, and it's one. Alright? I broke that rule by... about seven or eight.
Tubbo: ...so you're a Tory?
(Beat)
Tommy: That's not what a Tory is!
Tubbo manages to (somehow) charm the wardens into giving him whatever he wants.
- Charlie gives him his helmet, and lets Tubbo be a deputy. Jack then chimes in that he's also looking for a job.
  Charlie: ...okay?
  Tubbo: Unemployment is a big issue right now.
- Turns out that does have limits.
  Tubbo: Y'know, I've been in this prison for 20 years, Schlatt, is it alright if I just... kinda leave?
  (Beat)
  Schlatt: (incredulous) No!
Charlie drags Jack and Tommy over to the boxing ring to have a sparring match. He loudly proclaims the fight could go either way... while handing Jack a lava bucket and a diamond sword.
- Jack's attempt at trash talk.
  Jack: I bet your videos are not 1000% funnier than usual! I think it's maybe 50% at best!
  Schlatt: (gasp)
  Charlie: That's literally only HALF AS FUNNY!
After being killed by Jack, Tommy respawns in his cell. He then uses a bed to glitch his way out, sneaks down the hall to the exit, and is half-way up the stairs... before Schlatt teleports him back using the Funny Box.
- Tommy manages to sneak away again and rushes up the stairs, opens the door to the catwalk using his lever and excitedly runs towards the exit... before realizing that he needs a second lever to open the door.
  - Tommy gets caught by Jack, and tries to get him to give him the lever he used to open the catwalk door.
    Jack: I CAN'T GIVE IT YOU, THE DOOR IS CLOSED!
    Tommy: Okay, well if you open the– fuck, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
  - Tommy learns Jack's reason for being in jail.
    Jack: Wait, I don't wanna do this! My wi– I– My wife, I don't wanna see her!
    Tommy: NO, DON'T YOU DARE GET COLD FEET NOW, JACK, IF I GET HOME, I CAN SEE MY WI– what do you mean– your wife, you don't wanna see her? What fuckin'...
    Jack: I'm staying away from her! I didn't do anything wrong, I just pretended! I just said, "Hey honey, I did bad things! Need to leave for the next few years!"
    Tommy: What's your sentence...?
    Jack: Life! HER life! When she dies, I leave!
  - Tommy gets Jack to help by telling him that he could just go to Argentina or something, and that prison was an unnecessary step. Jack is immediately on board.
After Tommy gets caught trying to escape, Schlatt and Charlie force him to press the button on the Funny Box. He does... and immediately flies up to the ceiling.
- Tommy realizes that the roof is made of glass, and that he can punch through to escape. He breaks the roof above him and immediately shoots up into the sky, getting to a height of about 2100 blocks before the Levitation effect runs out and he plummets to his death.
  Charlie: What are we gonna tell the warden?
  Tommy: (screaming as he hits the roof and dies)
  Schlatt: We can just tell him our– our big prison is so fun, TommyInnit got high on life.
After Tommy manages to escape to the boat, Tubbo tries to shoot him again. Tommy, in a panic, dives off the boat and swims off towards the sunset. Tubbo and Charlie then serenade him with their own rendition of "My Heart Will Go On", with Tubbo singing the (very off-key) vocals, and Charlie on the kazoo.
The Stinger takes place back in the prison, where Jack watches Schlatt fuck up spectacularly.
Schlatt: (holding his hands up to the camera) How the fuck did I handcuff myself?

RL Craft

Tommy makes it clear at the start of the video that he regrets everything.
Tommy: Please enjoy this video, BECAUSE WE DID NOT!
Having suffered through this mod pack before, Charlie goes through much of the video being a Genre Savvy quivering wreck.
Charlie: (already sounding like he's on the verge of a panic attack) Okay, so– so the first thing you gotta know is RL Craft is a little intense, alright?!
The custom mobs to RL Craft briefly get Tommy's hopes up. His disappointment is palpable.
Tommy: There's a Dark Nymph here. Hey there, beautifu– you don't have a face.
The Running Gag involving the trio finding out (usually the hard way) that they don't meet the requirements needed to use various items.
Charlie's reaction to hearing Schlatt point out that a pressure plate is probably only connected to the door:
"Hey, Schlatt? Never make that assumption ever again, or you will be instantly killed!"
The trio finds a tower filled with supplies... and Schlatt is immediately struck by lightning. As Tommy and Charlie freak out trying to figure out what the heck happened (with "wrath of God" being offered up), Schlatt looks fearfully at the cutout of the Pope in his room, starts praying, and tries to sacrifice his cat Jambo to the cutout.
Jambo: (subtitled) bro wtf

Without Leaving the End

Tommy starts the video by telling Phil they're safe in the end... only for both of them to immediately get killed in two hits by angry endermen.
- When George and Tommy go off on their own, Ranboo — who has an enderman Minecraft skin — notices them staring at him, and runs over to go attack them like an actual enderman.
Tommy shows George how to get Flavolite (the only stone-type that they can make tools out of), and proposes that they make Phil and Ranboo their bitches, as they're the only ones who know how to get stone tools. George then points out that they don't know how to get food. Tommy then concedes that they should make Phil and Ranboo their bitches, after they figure out how to get food.
Tommy finds an End Ship fairly early into the video and immediately raids it. In a battle with several Shulkers, he ends up putting on two pieces of diamond armour, including a chestplate. Once the enemies are cleared out, he boasts about how things are about to change and tries to put the elytra on... only to discover that the chestplate has Curse of Binding on it, meaning he can't voluntarily take it off to put the elytra on.
This conversation.
Ranboo: They're bullying me.
Tommy: Why are they bullying Ranboo? What's he to be bullied for? Other than his- his shortsightedness, his lack of memory, his ugliness, the fact that he always wears a mask... Always talks about endermen all of the time, he's always streaming which gets on my nerves quite a lot...
Phil: Trouble in paradise then, I see?
Spawn is over a thousand blocks from the main End island, which means they have to bridge 1000 blocks to origin. Halfway through the bridging, George and Ranboo realize that they should take their wood blocks and make slabs out of them to double how long they last.
Tommy innocently calls the little shack he made for shelter the "boy hole". Everyone else heavily objects.
- "I love my holes like I love my bo– wait..."
- Later on, Phil mentions that, in the Bedrock-edition of Minecraft, there's a floor in the Void. Tommy then asks if there are any bedrockers in the audience.
  Ranboo: Do not call them bedrockers.
  Tommy: Why?
  George: Same reason you shouldn't say "boy hole".
  Tommy: But I love my boy holes and my bedrockers!
When they finally reach the Ender Dragon's nest, they set up a 'checkpoint' on their bridge... completely neglecting the fact that the Ender Dragon punches through any blocks outside of natural End generation like wet tissue paper.
Tommy and Philza find a biome that, as Tommy describes it, is "like Rainbow Road". They collect a few blocks to show off to Ranboo and George... the latter of whom is colourblind.
Tommy: ...Oh.
Halfway through the Ender Dragon fight, Tommy comes upon the idea that killing the Dragon will deposit them in the overworld. Even George, who already went through the Dream Team's similar "without leaving the Nether" video, ends up misunderstanding the nature of single-dimension mods. Sure enough, when they finally kill the Dragon...
Tommy: To the overworld! (is deposited back at End spawn) Are you... are you fucki– (killed by an Enderman)

Wither Morph Mod

Wither!Charlie's entrance: there's a half-broken tree whose logs are mostly intact, so Phil and Tommy go to get the wood, and Tommy notices a hole... with a head in it. The Wither rises up and everyone soils themselves.
Charlie at least got a little more creative with his name than Wilbur did, calling himself Wimothy.
Wither vs. Iron Golem. Iron Golem wins. Repeatedly.
This exchange:
Tommy: Phil, I think you guys are being a bit harsh on Wimothy, 'cause he's a really good guy.
Wimothy: (firing wither skulls at Technoblade) WHAT FOREST? WHAT FOREST, TECHNOBLADE? WHAT FOREST? I'M COMING FOR YOU, WITHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
Wimothy having a hitbox that's three blocks tall gives him some portal trouble.
- The first is with the Nether Portal, where Tommy has to make it extra tall so he can fit in. Unfortunately, a portal that spawns by someone going through a portal (in this case the Nether-side portal) is always two blocks tall, so once they have everything, Wimothy briefly gets left behind.
- The second is with the End portal; stronghold portal rooms only have two blocks from the top of the stairs to the roof. Charlie has to resort to command teleportation to get to the End with everyone else.

Portal Gun Mod

At the start of the video, Tommy introduces the mod to Phil and Schlatt with a chest that contains three Portal Guns... and four pairs of Long Fall Boots.
Tommy: Wait, why is there just a pair of long fall boots in there?
(Gilligan Cut to Tubbo between two vertically-positioned portals, gaining momentum)
Tubbo: Help! HELP!
For absolutely no reason, Schlatt and Tubbo purport to have had their parents murdered on consecutive nights prior to the video, which becomes a stupid source of Black Comedy throughout.
- Tommy wonders if he needs to kill his parents to measure up to them.
- When the mention of underground exploration has Tubbo Waxing Lyrical, Schlatt says that's the reason for his orphaning.
- After Tommy discovers the lift-objects function of the Portal Gun (and that it works on mobs, too), he purports that a random zombie is his father. Schlatt asks Tommy to portal the "dad" to him and Tubbo... and the zombie burns up in the daylight as he goes through. Tommy blames Schlatt. Then, Schlatt claims they're going to have to kill his mom, too... as zombies begin spawning again, and they go on a murder spree that comes across like an attempted familicide.
Tommy attempts to maneuver a Creeper into killing Schlatt and Tubbo. Unfortunately, grab range < blast range, and Tommy only succeeds in killing himself.
After one death, Tommy goes to recover his Portal Gun and Long Fall Boots, and Schlatt intends to steal the latter.
Tommy: How am I supposed to fall long?
Schlatt: You just fall short.
Schlatt loses his Portal Gun to a lava mistake. Later, Tommy dies to fall damage, and Schlatt steals it.
Tommy: Give me back my portal gun!
Schlatt: You want your gun back? Talk to my monkey clock.
(Beat as Schlatt shows to the camera a silver monkey with a clock for a face)
Tommy: ...What the fuck?!
Tubbo and Schlatt attempt a moon play on Tommy... and get sucked in for themselves.
Also included in the mod: Aperture Science Turrets (used on Tommy, natch) and Companion Cubes, the latter of which Tubbo goes full Gollum over.
- Tommy mocks his gibberish...
  Tommy: DRTFYGUHIJOKPL SATAN SDFGHJKLJHGTFRDG GEORGENOTFOUND RFTYUIOLKJHGFGT
- ...and Tubbo eventually discovers the Minecraft incinerator.
  Tubbo: I just dropped my companion cube in the fucking lava!
And in the End, attention goes completely away from the mod when Tommy and Tubbo start trash-talking Philza in Auto-Tune. At one point, Tommy tries to turn off his tuner and accidentally pitch-shifts, prompting Tubbo to go full-out pitch shifting in... what would probably qualify as Awesome Music if it weren't for the subject matter.
Tommy: Wait, what the hell? How is that so good?
Schlatt: This is strangely beautiful...
- After pitch-shifting his voice, Tubbo decides to sing Phil's name a bunch, autotuned to sound like the Tetris theme... But mid-way through, the dragon swoops down at him and knocks him off the edge, resulting in him screaming in shock and rage... while still autotuned to the Tetris theme.
  Tubbo: (singing) Phiiiiiiiiiil, Phiiiiiiiiiiiiiilza. Phiiiiiiiiiiiilza, Phil– FUCKING PISS, AAARGH, OH GOD, AAAAH, AAAAH, AAAH, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
  Phil: I hate this!
How does the video end? After (a) failing to kill the Ender Dragon using the Turrets, (b) Tubbo attempting and failing another moon play, and (c) the sheer impracticality of fighting the Ender Dragon using the mod items, Philza just straight-up quits fighting.

New You Laugh You Lose

Wilbur's predisposition to using cum to make Tommy laugh or smile, with some notable bits including.
- The modified Polar Bear skins, lacking eyes and legs, looking like a floating cloud, that Wilbur has dubbed "the cum monster".
  Wilbur: Hit one.
  Tommy: (hits one and starts getting attacked by a group of polar bears) DA– WHAT THE– WHY IS IT CU–
  (Wilbur laughs and Charlie joins the voice chat)
  Tommy: Why does the cum monster do so much damage?
  Charlie: Bro, he's the cum monster, what kind of question is that?
- Wilbur's signs return, and manage to get Tommy while Charlie and Ranboo are doing their skit in villager skins using the Body Shuffle Mod.
  Charlie: We like to play a c– a couple little games, this one is my favorites, uh... Got your nose... Wait, that's...
  Ranboo: Wait. Did it? I don't think that's supposed to hap– I don't think that's how it's supposed to happen.
  (Wilbur enters and begins placing signs as Tommy begins focusing on the signs)
  […]
  Charlie: Wait, everyone, my s– WHERE'S MY SON'S NOSE?!
  (Wilbur places a sign that says "I am lost without cocks and bal and cums")
  Ranboo: No one knows... Oh I know. I can get rid of a lot more than just his nose. (Tommy laughs) Wait, was that... wait, really? Did that– Did that work?
  […immediately after…]
  Tommy: (in response to "Operation Carwash") This is just dumb.
  (Wilbur places a sign in front of him that says "cum only serves to tire me")
  Tommy: (slams on his desk, whispering to Wilbur) Stop it.
  (Wilbur laughs loudly)
Charlie being back to his punny shenanigans come back in full force, and actually manage to make Tommy laugh compared to the previous YLYL video. For context, Wilbur asked Quackity a question about ornithology and which bird had a large beak in order to get insects out of trees.
Wilbur: I put my heart, soul, and cum, into this show.
Charlie: Is it, is it, is it, is it Semen-Footed Booby? (smiles sheepishly)
(Cut to Tommy exploding in laughter as Wilbur and Charlie chuckle)
Wilbur: This video has been entirely about cum. The problem with the Tommy "You Laugh You Lose" is that unlike most people, when Tommy hears the same joke over and over again, he laughs harder.
(Tommy proceeds to laugh in agreement)
Charlie: I know and the problem is that makes me wanna keep... cumming, bro.
(Wilbur laughs as Tommy smiles and covers his face)
Charlie (dressed as Bill Gates) and Ranboo (dressed as Notch) essentially doing a Take That! to Notch himself as a joke to make Tommy laugh.
Ranboo: Howdy, it's me, Notch, the creator of Minecraft.
Tommy: You shouldn't be here, Notch.
Ranboo: On a scale of 1 to 5, how would you rate it?
Wilbur: Why is Notch from Texas?
Charlie: (reverbing) Hi, Notch, oh... (turns off reverb) Hi, Notch, it's me, Bill Gates. I'd like to buy Minecraft.
Ranboo: For how much money?
Charlie: One. (Tommy turns to Ranboo and smiles as he dies) Good.
The return of Cockus Ballus (Charlie's wizard persona), selling essential oils to the ender dragon, To Roulx Kaard's theme, gives us this gem after getting killed by Ranboo as a mobster.
Charlie: The only legal esssential oil is cum. (leaves voice chat)

Real Life Mod

When Schlatt claims that God commanded that all women be thrown into the ocean, Tommy comments that there were no women on the server. Cue Scott Smajor joining, who isn't a woman either. Tommy promptly threatens to throw Scott into a lake instead.
Actually, on that note, Scott and all of his Jerkass God antics on the server are a prime source of Black Comedy.
- After blowing up Tommy and Jack, Scott decides to help Schlatt and Ranboo out by giving them armor. Though, while he gives Schlatt full iron armor, he decides to give Ranboo full leather instead.
  Schlatt: Look at me, I'm all goated up, I'm wearing Gucchi. Got that gold chain Gabbana.
  Ranboo: Why'd you make me shop at Old Navy, Scott?
  - Schlatt then proceeds to tell Ranboo off for dissing Old Navy, and the two get into an argument... which is ended when Scott gets inexplicably struck by lightning, startling both of them.
- Scott decides to "help" Ranboo by giving him the Speed effect, multiplied by about fifty. Ranboo immediately loses control of his Minecraft character, zooms around the entire map while screaming, before getting stuck in a ditch, unable to get out. Scott decides to help with that by giving Ranboo the Levitation effect... which shoots him up into the sky like a rocket before it wears off and he falls to his death.
  - Later into the video, Tommy asks Scott if he can fly. Scott replies that he can, and asks Tommy if he wants to fly as well. Tommy says yes... and is also shot up into the sky.
- As Scott, Tommy and Ranboo enter the Nether, Scott quickly knocks out all of the blocks surrounding the one block Tommy is standing on, with a sheer drop into lava below. Tommy boasts that he knows parkour and goes to jump to the other side. He fails to jump and instantly falls to his death.
- Scott decides to speed up the process of getting blaze rods by teleporting everyone into the Nether and spawning a bunch of blazes around them. Within seconds, Tommy and Schlatt have died, Jack is screaming for help, and Ranboo is crying in a corner.
  - Tommy respawns in the Overworld and decides to get better geared... before being instantly teleported back again.
    Tommy: If I can get iron, I can get a shield! With a shield, I can deny the world's horrors! (gets teleported back) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  - Scott decides to take pity on Ranboo and just gives him some blaze rods... only for Ranboo to point out that the whole journey was pointless.
    Ranboo: We don't need this, we get teleported to the End!
    (Beat)
    Scott: Oh.
- Scott then decides to give both Tommy and Ranboo Jump Boost. They're surprised when it doesn't instantly kill them.
  Scott: It wasn't that mean, I just wanted to give you like, a fun jump.
  Ranboo: Fun jumps! (jumps about 200 blocks into the air) OH JESUS! OH GOD! THAT IS NOT A FUN JUMP!
  - Tommy marvels at the fact that he doesn't take fall damage. Cue Ranboo falling to his death right next to him.
  - Tommy himself then gets shot 200 blocks into the air, but manages to land a water bucket clutch. Scott is really impressed... until Tommy dabs, at which point Scott kills him with commands.
Schlatt and Jack inexplicably become "hungover" and hide in a villager's house to inhale a white powder (actually sugar in-game), while Tommy shouts that he didn't want druggies in his video because of the kids watching it. Then Scott teleports them to Tommy.
Upon commenting that he doesn't have a sword to fight the Ender Dragon, Ranboo claims that "[he]'ll just fist–^*–fight?" [the Ender Dragon], Scott immediately interrupts him by giving him a stack of arrows.
Scott: Please don't continue that sentence, actually.
When Scott asks Tommy and Ranboo what they needed the most, Tommy replies that he wants Schlatt back as "another man on [the] team". Cut to Schlatt chilling out in "the Rocky Mountains", not even playing Minecraft anymore.
All of a sudden, Jack shows up, decked out in full enchanted netherite gear, declaring that he's going to get the $10,000 in his own way, which he describes that "animals won't be liking it".
Schlatt: Jack, are you gonna fuck an animal?
Scott: That's what it sounded like.
Jack: WHAT THE FUCK?!
Scott: Though definitely; it was definitely what was implied with that statement.
Jack: NO, IT WAS– NO!
Schlatt and Tommy doing a Wildlife Commentary Spoof but as Great White Hunters.
Tommy's game inexplicably crashing halfway through the battle against the Ender Dragon.
Scott giving The Reveal that only one person — the one who kills the Dragon — gets the $10,000 prize from MrBeast. Schlatt's reaction was to immediately start to try and kill Tommy because if he couldn't get the money, no one could.
Throughout the video, Tommy's recording software continuously failed to record his game capture, meaning there was a lot of footage of Tommy's desktop, with snarky notes left by Editor Larry.
The fact that the video briefly got age-restricted because Tommy's facecam accidentally filmed his crotch the majority of the time.

Superhero Mod

This video features Tommy and co. as several MCU characters, with Tommy as Spider Man, Philza as Captain America, Wilbur as Ant Man, Charlie as Doctor Strange, and Schlatt as the Incredible Hulk. However, we don't learn this until after Schlatt derails the intro by bluntly proclaiming his intent to kill Jared Leto.
- When the group actually does get their powers, Tommy is immediately subjected to a barrage of cum jokes, which he ends up contributing too.
  Tommy: (while slinging his webs) The spider has splunked!
Charlie's incessant use of the word 'strange', except for the one time where it would be actually appropriate to say it, where he instead uses the word 'weird'.
- His just-as-incessant references to the "Multiverse of Madness".
Schlatt discovers, to the dismay of everyone else, that, not only does being the Hulk make him three times the size of everyone else, he can also jump and land hard enough to cause explosions that kill anyone caught in the vicinity. He refers to this as "busting" and does it every time he gets the chance to.
- Not long after this, Wilbur discovers that being Ant Man also allows him to grow larger, enough that he's eye-level with Schlatt. He then learns that they have the ability to destroy walls of blocks by walking through them, which the others use to strip-mine for resources.
Early in the video, roughly around the time Schlatt stops Spawn Camping the others, he demands that Charlie create a portal in front of his penis and another that's level with his ass. Charlie instead opens a portal to "cock world" and proclaims that he's removed Schlatt's genitals. He then goes onto threaten to make him "smooth back there" as Schlatt loses his mind.
At one point, Philza decides to roleplay Captain America as having Deliberate Values Dissonance, which presents us with this exchange:
Schlatt: We don't do colonialism anymore.
Philza: NOOOOOOO!
Schlatt: (starts wheezing with laughter)
Schlatt ends up getting trapped underground while strip-mining, so Charlie decides to help him out with his portals. This initially results in Charlie transporting him into the mirror dimension, then Charlie somehow manages to get both of them lost in a dimension consisting of nothing but a flat interstate crossover. They refer to this as "Ohio".
- The two decide the best course of action is to teleport Philza to them (because he's Captain America, you see), and ask him for help. What this results in is Schlatt jumping and breaking through the ground, which somehow lands everyone back in the mirror dimension, which is just as inexplicably teeming with hostile mobs. Philza gets killed and decides that the only way to get out of there is by dying. Charlie, of course, puts it like this:
  Charlie: Schlatt, I need you to step on me!
Wilbur, being the Troll that he is, uses his abilities to repeatedly ruin Tommy and Phil's build project. Schlatt tells him off for this, right before stomping a crater where the house was.
The group eventually makes it into the Nether, where by this point, Schlatt and Charlie have decided to swap their characters. One of Charlie's first acts as the Hulk is to destroy the blaze spawner that Tommy found. The situation swerves hard into "weird" territory when Tommy decides to become She-hulk, which leads to some some uncomfortable flirting that Schlatt has to witness. They then chase him when he tries to leave.
- Then this is disrupted when Tommy starts talking about his "Hulk Hymen", which shocks Charlie so much that he breaks character to chide him over it.
Tommy and Phil, somehow having managed to scrounge together the resources needed to get to the End, desperately scramble to complete the game just so they can be done with everyone else's antics. Schlatt and Wilbur respond predictably, but Charlie suddenly demonstrates the ability to slow down time and even freeze other players completely. He does this to Wilbur, which, from his point of view, looks like he's trapped in the Void. Charlie refers to this as his "Big Hole".
The whole group manages to find their way to The End, where all their abilities prove invaluable to defeating the Ender Dragon. All except for Charlie, who spends the whole fight, for seemingly no particular reason, growing to a size that dwarfs both Wilbur and Schlatt.
When the group actually does beat the game, Wilbur is the first to discover that, because of Charlie's Time Master abilities, the credits are in slow-motion, and they all have to sit through the whole thing because there isn't an option to skip. Wilbur reacts by screaming.

Lucky Block Mod

The literal first thing that happens is James getting himself trapped in an obsidian cube off of his first broken block. The group's efforts to get him out of it (by breaking more lucky blocks) result in them being transported onto a floating platform in the sky, repeatedly falling to their deaths, getting blown up, and getting set on fire. This all happens in the first minute and a half of the video starting.
- Ranboo and Kit end up going off on their own while Tommy tries to free James. This results in the two getting diamonds from repeatedly breaking lucky blocks, which James takes notice of and rudely demands that they free him. The other three decide to leave him there.
  - When they do end up digging him out, James rapturously describes the experience as "like [he's] been birthed".
Ranboo and Tommy decide to force James to essentially act as a guinea pig for the lucky blocks, with Tommy digging out a large "holy hole" in the ground to put James into. When James complains that he wants to be financially compensated for doing this, Ranboo accuses him of Compensating for Something.
- The actual results of James doing this are that the "holy hole" becomes more of a "holy crevice". It is here that Tommy and James descend into babbling complete nonsense and chanting shame after Ranboo places down a sign saying "I Love Jesusa". This stops when the group realizes they've just completely abandoned Kit to do this.
  Kit: God, I'm fucking lonely.
James ends up finding a music box, which Tommy inserts a disc into without actually knowing what's on it. The song that plays is "Jump in the Cadillac", which for certain reasons, Tommy absolutely hates. James takes to playing it repeatedly throughout the video.
Tommy and Kit meet up and Tommy breaks a lucky block that contains a good number of diamonds, which sends the two into Acquired Situational Narcissism mode, demonstrated by them pulling up royalty-free classical music, talking in exaggerated posh accents, and name-dropping the current Prime Minister of England while they (mostly Tommy) deride James and Ranboo for being poor.
- James and Ranboo, before the aforementioned class war, try to break some more lucky blocks, but this only results in James getting trapped in another obsidian cube. Ranboo then proceeds to mine out every block except for the ones that would allow James to get free, but even when he does get out, he proceeds to break another block that sends a swarm of Piglins after he and Ranboo.
Ranboo declares that the next lucky block he breaks after Tommy makes fun of him and James will contain Eyes of Ender, only to be immediately killed by a falling anvil when he breaks it.
Tommy discovers that he actually broke his keyboard after smashing his desk in a fit of rage over James taunting him with the music box. The others try to get him to lick the underside of it, and Tommy almost does it before realizing it's electric.
The group getting to the Nether goes right to shit the moment they get there, as Tommy uses his elytra to fly off, only to get trapped on an outcropping above the lava ocean because he neglected to find more fireworks. He then breaks another lucky block that cause a swarm of spiders to push him into the lava, killing him. Meanwhile, James and Ranboo, having learned nothing from past experiences, break another block that sends a horde of Zombified Piglins after them. This results in Tommy, who was engaged in a monologue after respawning, being punched into the lava again by Ranboo, which he notably did while running from the pigmen.
James finally gets a good drop from on the lucky blocks, and proceeds to brag about it to Tommy (who had just thrown the "Jump in the Cadillac" disc into lava)… only to get punched into lava by a random zombie. He then gets trapped in the obsidian cube again.
Tommy asks if the group wants to have some small talk, so the others start speaking very quietly, to Tommy's confusion.
- The above is followed by Tommy asking if any of them can do an accent, to which Kit responds by pulling pitch-perfect impressions of Stewie Griffin and Kermit the Frog right out of thin air.
In a change of pace that just delights James, Ranboo gets trapped in the obsidian cube instead of him. This delight is short-lived as Ranboo escapes without any trouble, prompting James to let out an undignified wail.
The group attempts to use the lucky blocks to beat the Ender Dragon. That is, the other three use lucky blocks while Tommy keeps placing an excessive amount of TNT at the dragon's perch. This accomplishes little aside from destroying terrain and killing Kit. Other moments include:
- Ranboo getting a shulker box that causes him to float, which he tries to use to fist-fight the dragon.
- James getting trapped in the obsidian cube again.
- Kit getting trapped in the lava tower drop, blocking the lava with a lucky block, breaking that block, and getting the anvil tower drop which kills him.
- Kit getting the same floating effect Ranboo got, and also trying to punch the dragon with it.
- By the end of the fight, the End is utterly destroyed by the group's use of lucky blocks, to such a degree that, even though they killed the dragon, the portal out has been broken, leaving all of them stuck in the End to be killed by the various hostile mobs that the blocks spawned in.

The Funniest Minecraft Cooking Show

Jschlatt acting as the manager is about as ridiculous and immoral as you can imagine, starting from when he has Charlie circumcise Sam for trying to file a formal complaint because Charlie threatened to beat the fuck out of him.
- There's also the subplot about Ted selling the blood of Boosfer, referred to as a "Blood Boy", to Schlatt so that he can drink it, which crops up repeatedly during the video even when Ted stops doing it.
Tommy's method of cleaning the toilets, which involves a lot of Sensory Abuse and many terrible noises.
Jschlatt: (to Tommy, visibly disgusted) I'm gonna write you up for that.
Eryn's crusade against the animal cruelty conducted by Big Diner, which is almost completely ignored by everyone.
- Niki gets an order for a burger with horse meat in it, so she goes out to the local farm and steals one, only to be accosted by Eryn. She, of course, ignores him and, realizing she can't fit the horse into the diner, leaves it tied up out front. When Charlie gets the same order, he also goes out to the same farm and comes back with a sheep. When that doesn't work, Charlie finds the horse tied up at the entrance and, against Eryn's resistance, kills it with a kitchen knife in front of him.
Owen is married to a bee for some inexplicable reason. Said bee is also allergic to gluten, which prompts a complaint when they get a sandwich delivered… which leads to Charlie, who is allergic to bees in this video, getting stung and dying. He gets better, of course, which allows him to then plan a heist with Owen to steal all of Schlatt's money.
The above heist goes completely tits up when Schlatt, realizing that the diner is a failing business, tries to cut his losses and run off with his fortune, only to discover it already gone. Charlie immediately accuses Niki of stealing it, then turns on Owen when he shows up, getting him killed and allowing Charlie to make his escape while the others realize that Owen didn't have any of the money on him. What follows is a water-bound chase that gives us this wonderful line:
Charlie: You are what you eat and I just ate a salmon. (swims away from Tommy while making strange, guttural noises)
Soon, it becomes apparent that the others are just unable to kill Charlie for some reason, so Tommy tries to reason with everyone that they can just settle in the swamp and live a peaceful life, only for Charlie to "succumb to his wounds" and keel over dead, revealing that he also didn't have Schlatt's fortune, rendering the whole thing pointless.
- Meanwhile, Eryn and Boosfer come across the empty restaurant and start trashing it, with Eryn filling the whole thing with TNT just as Schlatt and the others get back from the swamp, where Charlie once again gets himself killed by trying to futilely cover the lit TNT with his body. What follows are several deaths and the complete destruction of the diner, which Schlatt is just overjoyed about because now, he can get a massive insurance payout to recoup his losses when he was running the restaurant normally.
Then, after all of the above, Sam returns after having spent the bulk of the video crafting some ambiguous machine so he can get revenge on Charlie for cutting off his foreskin. The machine in question, as demonstrated after everyone stops breaking into fits of laughter at Sam's explanation as to why he built the thing in the first place, was designed to trap Charlie in a cauldron and continually remove and reattach his foreskin forever with a piston trap, which predictably sends everyone into more laughing fits as the video ends.

Funny / The Funniest Minecraft Videos Ever

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