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Not Always Right
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Not Always Right
Many of them, but a here's a few to
start things off
(Little Red Riding) In Da 'Hood. Most adorable "gangster" ever.
"Those are [cat] nipples."
"But congratulations, because I can’t imagine it was a simple task.”
"Yes, and if she would listen I wanted a PS2!"
Someone should tell him "You have died of dysentery."
"I'm coming around there, and I'm gonna eat you!"
"So, what just happened?"
Symphony in Underage Minor
"What's the cheapest thing you got in here?"
We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson.
"I AM THE LARGE MOUNTAIN JEW!"
Yes, are you finished?
"Do any of y'all speak American?"
Walk like a customer!
"Aha, so you met the peaches guy"
Se Habla Japañol
"The escalator loses power and then woosh!"
"D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!"
“Tigers are made of polyester?”
The pen is mightier than the brain
All of the Freudian Slip examples on the main page.
“Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?”.
Where DID this woman go to school?
Tell me, do you get any extra brimstone with that deal?
You said flipping off the modem would probably fix it! I've been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now and nothing's happening!
Well, I can nod at the phone...
IT'S ON FIRE!!
Watch him not open it.
No, all those kids are not hers.
Wrong God, ma'am.
He really wants those shirts.
"I'm looking for my favorite kind of nuts." Donuts.
"This iMac didn't come with a monitor", which confuses the tech-support guy. See the answer.
"Ees blue, and blue on de teeng!!"
(ENGINEER) PROBLEM ALMOST RECREATED. THING RED.
"It's time. Get out your key."
"How much for my daughter?"
Some Chinese customers decide to "return the favor" to Jews on Christmas.
Just about any story where a little kid inadvertently exposes their parents' scam by being truthful can count (and make you go "aww" at their innocence).
A woman calls a local library, claiming that "the Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”. That in itself is pretty funny due to how incredibly bizarre that sounds, but what makes it even better is that one of the librarians, who happens to be a Mormon himself, deadpans that he and the other Mormons are indeed shocking her genitals.
Do you believe in unicorns?
"FRAPPE FOR BATMAN!"
"Gotham is safe."
"Hey, how's your mom doing?"
This manager pulls off a Funny Moment and an Awesome Moment at the same time after a customer tells everybody in the store they are going to Hell. "Welcome to Hell Mart!"
"My mom left me here five years ago!"
"Easter is egg-citing!"
We'll all dance naked in the parking lot until dawn. And then a stockboy stepped out of the back room while taking off his shirt.
"One more thing: Do you know where I could get some batteries?"
Sometimes, a big lie is better than a small one.
"BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!"
What happens when a racist fails his spot check.
"I'm sorry, does this mean you can't help me fix my telegraph?"
You almost feel sorry for this identity thief. Almost.
"Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin??"
The Chinese have special powers.
STRUN BAH QO!
“I can’t believe she didn’t yell at me! She just recognized that she was upset and left. This has never happened before!”
Hey, if Bob Iger is head of the company, why isn't this place called Bob Igerworld?
" I just really need to get my car sodomized."
" Aren’t you a little too young to be wearing that? Do you even know who Gary Coleman is?" "Whatchoo talkin' bout?"
"Ma'am, please don’t give away my secret identity. The cheese villains of the world would hunt me down.”
Anything in the "A New Dimension Of Stupidity" series, but Part 4 and Part 5 stand out.
"Does it go upside-down?"
"MAYBE IT'S FOR THE KIDS TOO!"
"Don't lie to me! I've seen the movie!"
"Oh, you're a bus stop!"
"How old is your son, anyway?" "26."
"Daddy, is that lady crazy?"
"Is this the Krusty Krab?" "No, this is Patrick."
"YOUR MOM IS A MATURE RATED GAME!"
"Get in the f*cking car! This is f*cking embarrassing!"
"In my tribe I am known as 'Ejects Bigoted Asshole from Premises'." (Also an Awesome Moment as he did in fact, proceed to eject the bigoted asshole from the premises).
"And I’m going to ask you to please lower your voice and not tell them that God wants them to die, or I’ll have to call my manager over." (Shortly thereafter, it becomes heartwarming.)
Sometimes, watching a customer lose it is pretty funny.
Indecisive Customer: (at a fried chicken restaurant) Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?
Customer Somewhere In The Back: WELL, YOU’RE IN THE WRONG F*** RESTAURANT, AREN’T YOU?! STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE!
If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor]!
This one's an old joke or Urban Legend, but still funny. It tells of a guy who had to go shopping with his wife. In short, he got bored.
One wonders what toppings were on those.
We usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.
These kids going through a drive-thru in an imaginary car and their I Reject Your Reality moment.
This is how all book stores should handle Twilight.
"Fine, you know what? You can take this g** d*** mo*** f*** Visa card and shove it up your g** d*** mo*** fu*** a**!” “Sorry sir, my a** only accepts American Express.”
A customer mentions that a song would make great spooning music... and then he and his granddaughter pull out some spoons and play along with the song.
What about this employee made them so scary to some boys?
A scam that was so horribly botched it left the employees wondering if it was staged.
Well, this is one way to settle who gets the last game.
This baker's "reaction" on discovering the customer he just meet isn't just a Buffy fan but also a Twilight fan.
What makes it funnier is that when she says the word opposite-y, he concludes that she "picked it up from Meyer".
Not Always Romantic
Not Always Related
Not Always Working
Not Always Learning