For moments from Not Always Working, see here.
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Not Always Right
From Not Always Right
- There are a few here and there.
- The last one is also a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
- Also, this. Burn.
- This is another good example. Owned.
- Doug started working today...
- Why cashiers should rule the world.
- Gotta love the stealth burn.
- Made of awesome.
- This one. The type of thing that could never happen twice.
- You almost feel sorry for this guy. Almost.
- The best counter to the race card
- Gangsta ushers.
- Why barkeeps should rule the world.
- Lt. Ripley Goes Shopping.
- This cashier is awesome.
- That's how you open a can of whoop-ass.
- A lieutenant jerkass and an awesome Rear-Admiral.
- A good ol' fashioned ass whoopin' is in order.
- Always check your caller-ID.
- Ah, Children.
- "Okay, let's do this the hard way."
- Who's got the power now?
- Always remember to have a heart.
- This is how all mothers should respond to this problem.
- Not only did he get owned, he also left a tip.
- All they have is "coffee, please".
- A bigot is pwned.
- Age before insecurity.
- Don't be disrespectful in front of the Irish. They'll gladly hand your ass to you.
- This lady's fiancé is pure awesome!
- FUS RO DAH!
- Do not taunt the management.
- If you take one more step, I WILL taze you!
- Gotta love managers who help smackdown the bigots.
- This employee is a real Cunning Linguist.
- A security guard catches a camera thief between a rock and a hard place. "Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?"
- In the war against rudeness, a reward for politeness can work wonders.
- Say cheese! A female supervisor persuades an aggressive and misogynistic customer to let her take his photo and contact information, ostensibly "so we can contact you about your complaint", really to report him to the police.
- "YOU FORGOT YOUR JUG OF MILK!"
- "Army Strong, a**hole!
- Do not mess with the "man-beater".
- That time when Batman, Master Chief and Pikachu saved a Japanese Restaurant.
- "I am vengeance. I am the night. I am ... Batman."
- Good to know it's never too early to instill manners and chivalry in a person.
- This employee foils an attempted robbery without even realising what was happening.
- This is how bosses should react to those insulting homosexuals.
- “When crazy Spiderman went crazy and Batman took off his costume and he was an actually real hero and made crazy Spiderman go away!”
- The little girl in this story gets one for calling out her nutjob father.
- This girl calls out a bigoted old woman while smiling the entire time.
- "That's one. I'm carrying nine. Let him go."
- The first thing out of the cashier's mouth. Owned!
- I'd vote for him
- FOR THE HORDE!!!!
- This bookstore owner showed why he won so many fencing awards.
- This manager knows how to deal with a person bigoted against gays and lesbians. Bonus points for getting her fellow managers to do the same.
- This manager frightens a fraudster into turning himself in.
- Sometimes, it takes real guts for a daughter to stand up to her mother when she's being a homophobic bitch.
Daughter: “Can you please just stop? This guy’s been pretty d*** helpful and probably has better taste in men than you!
- This chick knows how to deal with an angry drunk.
- This vicar shows us how best to deal with a Hollywood Atheist.
- There are some things that just unite us all.
- Nine year old karate student: 1, six foot tall bully: 0
- This dude.
- The woman in this story saves a worker from harm, but the kicker is that she just goes on with her day like it was nothing. Perhaps the only sad part is that the worker never got to thank her for it.
- The submitter in this story. Two kids are throwing stuff everywhere in the supermarket. The cashier asks them to stop but the kids' parents accuse her of being a Fascist for ordering them and threaten violence on her. The submitter, a six foot tall guy who has injuries on his face from a sports match earlier, takes one of the cans the kids have thrown and tells the father that it caused his injuries and asks if he'd rather deal with him personally or talk to the police. The terrified father is forced by the submitter to apologize to both him and cashier for his kids behavior.
- This woman manages to completely turn the tables on a robber.
- This DJ.
- Patient slaps a pregnant clerk. Turns out the clerk is married to a security guard, who makes it clear what will happen to the patient if there is even the slightest harm to the clerk or the baby because of what he did.
- A vandal gets out-trolled.
- The day Karkat, Thor and Loki defended the honor of Juliet from two sexist pigs.
- Best Mama Bear ever.
- Well, I guess that's one way to report a guy on drugs.
- “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.
- Two teenagers discover why they shouldn't mouth off to bald women.
- Sales representative vs. racist caller
"Why don't you get a dictionary, and look it up? While you're at it, look up 'inbred' and 'bigot', and call back when you figure out why I suggested it."
- It's always nice when you do your job and potentially save someone's life AND smack down the idiots both at the same time.
- “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.” “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.” Burn.
- A stupid golfer gets a burn so hot that it's rival the sun itself.
- This manager will not stand for people who insult her overweight customers.
- Kudos go to this daycare owner for dealing with an irate customer insulting her employee.
- This poor sap gets to be on the wrong end of two in succession. Here's a summary: Drunk guy hits on girl at bar. Girl says she's already married. Drunk guy says he could probably beat up her man. Girl doesn't deny that possibility, and since the guy is there, drunk guy tries to pick a fight. Guy tells drunk guy that he should probably leave "before he gets hurt", then clarifies that he never said he'd hurt him, as the girl floors the drunk with one punch. Drunk guy asks bartender to have girl and her husband thrown out. Bartender refuses. Drunk guy claims to be the owner's brother. Bartender turns to girl and says "Huh. I didn't know we had a brother." Then the bartender/owner bans the drunk guy for life and the bouncer, her husband, throws him out.
- Luffasir? It’s Lucifer, and I don’t need any more morons worshiping me. Now get the h*** out of here.
- In the same vein: I went [to Hell] once. Now I RULE it. Now GET OUT OF OUR STORE.
- This nosy woman gets owned, hard.
Woman: You’re a little old to be playing Pokémon, aren’t you?Guy: And your son’s a little young to be playing Grand Theft Auto, isn’t he?
- A bank manager gives a recurring problem customer exactly what he asks for.
- This old guy gives a well deserved "The Reason You Suck" Speech to a young man who disrespects retired people.
- Two idiots with an in inexplicable hatred of breast feeding learn that those Renaissance faire swords? They're real. For bonus points, the guard never broke character.
- An ex-colonel from the British army teaches this scammer a lesson.
- This customer stops a robbery with a fake knife! Albeit after realizing the robber's weapon was also fake.
- This worker using a racist customer's own logic against him.
- This teen who tells off a virulent religious bigot for making assumptions and also being blatantly hypocritical.
- Soldier tells off rude customers.
- "I would love to sir, but the needs of the one or the few do not outweigh the needs of the many".
- Now that's Karma.
- When someone warns you that they know judo, listen to them.
- This well-off teenager who, despite her appearance, is quite generous with her money, using it to help others.
- This conversation.
- When crime leads to getting smacked in the face by a serving tray.
- "That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!"
- "Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?"
- "Best. Store. Ever."
- "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" The ending is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
- This guy stops a kid from getting Call of Duty: Ghosts and informs a mother about the ESRB rating system. When the mother then says that adult video gamers are idiots and asks who'd play them, the staff inform her that they do, the narrator and plenty of people who come to the store.
- This kid, who's about seven or eight, is able to understand percentages better than a fully grown man. He and his mother receive a well-earned discount in response.
- Who knew mail ladies could be awesome?
Mail Lady: "Ma'am. Shut your d*** mouth and leave the poor guy alone! He didn't do anything wrong, and he's already CLEARLY waiting! If you don't stop, I won't give you your mail! You're just a rude old bat, aren't you?!"
- This Chinese ice cream vendor lets another Chinese boy have some a moment.
- Impatient idiot confuses a jewelry store for a restaurant, not that most of them would stand up to this to begin with.
- This guy gives a spectacular "The Reason You Suck" Speech to a bigot who accuses him of trying to blow up the store.
- This fast food worker, an English expatriate living in New Zealand. Upon working drive-thru for the first day, their first customer is someone who grew up down the road from them.
- A customer jumps in front of the line. This father shames her via Politeness Judo.
- Here a lady suffering from a major case of Small Name, Big Ego tries to get a waitress fired because she was wearing hearing aids (which the lady claimed were headphones). The manager gives her a "The Reason You Suck" Speech and asks her to leave the restaurant, and then her husband also tells her off. After the lady leaves the rest of the table (9 people) all give the waitress huge tips.
- The husband deserves credit for not falling into the Acquired Situational Narcissism that his wife obviously had—the couple was rich was because he'd won the lottery.
- "In my tribe, I am called ‘Ejects-Bigoted-A**-hole-From-Premises’. Now kindly get the f*** out."
- A little girl kicks a homophobic jerk in the shins repeatedly. He grabs her, then tries to get her arrested for "assaulting" him, and promptly gets arrested for assaulting her. Several customers offer to buy the kid candy. She wants to buy a 50 piece toolset instead.
- A customer yells at this operator because his cable TV has been turned off and there's a football match. Not only does stay calm the entire time, not only does she shoot down all of his "arguments", but she flat out trolls him by telling him that she's going to watch that match.
- This customer notices an old man struggling with the self-checkout and decides that'd be a good time to teach her daughter how to use it, giving the stranger a full walkthrough in the process.
- It may have taken the submitter an hour to lecture his mother that she was in the wrong, but when she finally had her Heel Realization, it was worth it. For bonus points, the only reason the submitter didn't hook up with the clerk is that he's Genre Savvy enough to know that she would not get along with the mother-in-law.
- When an anti semitic woman spits on a bagger after learning he's Jewish and start saying racist things to him, the manager calls out on her actions, pointing out if it wasn't for him and other Jewish workers, their Christian coworkers wouldn't get to spend Christmas Eve with their families and tells her to leave. When she refuses to leave and tries to face another customer who call her actions un-Christian like, she gets an Oh, Crap! when she learns the other customer is her pastor! The pastor not only tells her apologize to the bagger and leave, but he expects to see her in church in the front row for bad behavior on Christmas Day!
- A thief punches out a cashier and steals from the register, only for another customer to punch him out on the way out. Said customer proceeds to ask if he can finish his shopping before having to testify, like stopping a robbery was just a minor inconvenience.
- An Islamophobic asshole is dragged out kicking and screaming after insulting and assaulting a Muslim customer.
- Catcher in the Sky. One for the ill-informed customer for a change, because he managed to catch a wild bird with his bare hands. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Funny.
- Let That Entitlement Slide Into The Bus Lane. An awesome manager remains verbally polite with a customer but delivers a metaphorical "Up yours!" by tearing apart the customer's ridiculous complaint before her very eyes. His response against any potential fallout? Worth It!
- Don't try threatening the Taliban on these guys.
Manager: “Ma’am, I am from Iran. I watched the Taliban kill my two sons because they wouldn’t join. You want me to issue a credit after making that kind of a threat? No. I’ve flagged your account. You will receive no further credits. Pay your bill through the automated system before the fifteenth to avoid a late fee, which also will not be credited. Goodbye.”
Not Always Romantic
From Not Always Romantic
- A knight in shining armour
- A Heathen is for life.
- Being blind isn't always a bad thing.
- A female soldier vs. a customer who thought that women couldn't fight in battles
- How to deal with an abusive boyfriend
- And here's how you handle a misogynist
- This girl hurts a guy who refuses to leave her alone - by accident!
- A man, who owns a bookstore, has a female friend with a knee injury being harassed by a jackass customer. He calmly intervenes.
- A couple who work at separate stores and get hit on by customers set the customers up with each other.
- A girl defends her Marine boyfriend who lost his leg against a rude, sexist, entitled bastard.
- A young woman defends her transgender friend from two bigoted assholes who wanted to score with her. Enraged, one of the college boys throws his drink at another costumer by accident who also happens to be transgender, and to put it simply, he's pissed off.
- That's some magic trick.
- A large man tries to pick a fight with a geek in order to prove the geek's hot girlfriend that he's better than him. However, when the man shoves the girlfriend into a bookshelf, the geek proceeds to kick the guy's ass, leaving him unconscious with a broken arm while the geek himself only got a welt on his face!
- "What's going on in the woods over there? Oh, it's just a lightsaber duel..."
- They're So Dream A Dreamy.
Not Always Related
From Not Always Related
- Mean Girls: The Next Generation is one for both the mom and the daughter.
- What to do when your older sister tries to impose on you? Why, one-shot her!
- A grouchy rich German wants to own the submitter's father's five acre plot of land. When he is caught moving the property line stakes farther into their land, the man swears to them in German that the land should be his, not theirs. Unfortunately, the submitter reveals she can speak German and tells the grouch in German to leave their land or she'll call the police, and if he ever trespasses into their land again, she will shoot his ass with a paintball gun. The grouch quickly leaves!
- Two lewd Frenchmen make obscene comments about the attractive but "stupid Americans"...one of whom lives in Paris. She tells the "inbred sons of syphilitic wh***s" that if they don't stop harassing her baby sister (who can't understand them), she'll cut off their pathetic excuses for manhood and feed them to the pigeons.
- This story shows what happens when you mess with the son of a Badass Grandpa. Especially if he also has an older brother.
- A rude, sexist kid learns the hard way what being a true gentleman means.
- Even more awesome is that he actually did try to be a better person after that.
- Ninja brother.
- This five-year-old girl would make a pretty kick-ass mayor:
"I'd make all the boys and girls be scientists. And all the rest be mothers, except for the ones that want to be firemen or firegirls."
- Meet The Germaniac Family. A group of Germans in a WW2 town are about to be attacked by Russians in 4 hours and they've just finished cooking dinner. So...
"They… they finished dinner, and then washed, dried, and put away the dishes."
Not Always Learning
From Not Always Learning:
- The security guard in this story started teaching himself about electrical equipment because he was tired of his houses burning down from faulty wiring. Not only does he save a tech-inept tech student from himself and fix several other students' busted projects, the last line of the story says that he knew enough to test out of all but the most advanced classes! note
- Not to mention, at first he thought the sound of the exploding lightbulb was a gun, and he immediately burst in screaming, "THE FUCK WAS THAT? AIN'T NO ONE SHOOTING UP MY SCHOOL!"
- He also found a replacement lightbulb with the correct voltage. He took it from the ceiling. When it was still on. And he barely notices that it's hot.
- The best way to reward those who are willing to work.
- Grade four bully picks fight with grade one schoolgirl. Grade one schoolgirl wins.
- A somewhat overweight woman is harassed by a smaller patron when applying for a hour-long exercise program. She gives the exercise her all, finishing the hour, AFTER having just come off a half-hour session of the same exercise, while the one that harassed her gives up after 15 minutes.
- Two whiny Star Wars fans vs. Awesome female Star Wars fan. Guess who wins?
- This classroom stands up to their bigoted bible teacher.
- Similarly, these students stand up to a teacher who won't let them get counseling for a student's death.
- This mother goes into Mama Bear mode after learning that her son was being abused by his racist teacher. During the Civil Rights Movement!
My Mom: "You!" *walks closer to teacher* "Don't you EVER lay a finger on my boy! If you have anything to say, you talk to me. I better not hear from him that you hurt him, because I'll skin your a**! Got it?"
- Another mother. "I never thought I'd say this, but lady, I am suing your a**."
- "EXCUSE ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!"
- This mother. The father is also implied to be a Papa Wolf.
- This site gets a lot of Mama Bears, it seems: "If you EVER touch my son again, I will crush your windpipe so fast you won't even REGISTER why you can’t breathe!"
- And another one, where a Mama Bear responds in kind to a teacher's abuse of a student. "Now clean it up."
- A double dose in one case of a student with Asperger Syndrome. The staff don't know how to deal with her, so they stick her in a closet. Not only is the student's mother livid and continually calling the school principal over it, but when another parent learns what the staff are doing with this student, she not only chews out the staff, she pulls her kids out of the school and convinces two dozen other parents to do the same!
- This bully gets what's coming to her.
- This principal does not stand for bullying. After hearing that a student was savagely beaten by one, he calls the bully into his office, and after an extended period of time persuades the bully to apologize and promise to never bother the student again! He really looks after his school.
- A minor example, but this chemistry teacher crossed his very large lab in about a second because he heard a student scream and thought they were hurt. Impressive and dedicated to his students' safety!
- "I'm a man, and I demand to be treated like one!" "Start acting like one." Owned.
- The student in this story deserves a medal.
- The teacher in this one deserves ten.
- These teachers tell off Islamophobic parents who don't want their students to learn about "Islamic culture". Made better by the fact that this was just past 9/11.
- This teacher's ingenious plan of teaching his students about the Reformation and getting donations.
- A student complains about "gays talking about gay stuff". This teacher agrees... and forces the student to stop "talking about straight stuff", I.E. shutting him up.
- This teacher braves a fire to rescue a class from a teacher who didn't think it was a real fire and ended up knocking her out to save her ass.
- Everyone wants a professor like this one.
- "You can call now me 'Lady of Flames'." Yes ma'am!
- This student takes the mature response to theft... threatening to press charges for grand larceny, since the stolen items included over $2000 worth of rare Magic: The Gathering cards. It works.
- This student cleverly gets his teacher to cancel the lesson.
- Don't bully blind kids.
- "I heard you whacked [Student] today! Obviously, you shouldn't do that, but that's brilliant! I've been wanting to do that for years!"
- This Spanish teacher.
- A girl tells off a bully by whacking him over the head several times with her textbook (which he took from her). The teacher promptly gives the bully detention.
Bully: "But she's the one that hit me! That's not fair!"Teacher: "Yeah, but I've never seen her do that before. You must have done something to deserve it! So, detention!"
- This professor. As a student, people called him a nerd...
Professor: But I won. They're all working at [Local Grocery Store Chain], and here I am teaching you guys. I tell a bad joke, 140 people laugh. That's power, right?
- This student who not only calls out a girl who was bullying her, but a teacher as well who refused to do anything about it in front of the school at assembly. Even other teachers thought what she did was impressive, and best of all, the bully didn't bother her again.
- This chemistry teacher begins the year by sacrificing some gummi bears to the "lab gods" so no one will get injured that year. The best part? It worked.
- This. Just because someone has been extremely patient with you, don't think she can't knock your ass out in an instant.
- A girl's head of year, male teacher, and headmaster decided she was in the wrong for punching a male classmate after he twanged her bra multiple times and the teacher refused to do anything. They and the male student get their asses verbally handed to them by the girl's mother, who goes on to report the situation to the Board of Governors and OFSTED.
- You can tell it's going to be good from the very first exchange between the mother and the headmaster. The head sarcastically thanks her for "finally" joining them; she responds by sarcastically apologizing for how busy it gets working in an emergency room, giving an abused child over 40 stitches.
- This story is just a cascade of awesome. The submitter gets stuck in that one group where only one person (her) ever bothered to do any work. After the umpteenth time this happens (with the teammates looking up free condoms on a school computer no less), she quietly snaps and goes to the teacher who agrees to give them the grades they deserve, standing by that decision when they complain. Then when one of the group members pours sulfuric acid on the submitter's hands, she proceeds to calmly go over to the sink and run cold water on her hands (helped by the fact that it was diluted for school use but still). Then this exchange happens.
Submitter: *coldly and while giving him an unblinking Death Glare* “Thank you; now I have you on assault.”Guy: *getting uncomfortable because not only did the acid not burn her but also Death Glare* “You don’t have s***.”Teacher: “Actually, she has you on either aggravated assault or assault with a deadly weapon with 27 witnesses. Submitter, do you want me to call the police?”
- The police weren't called since the submitter and teacher just wanted to Scare 'Em Straight but it worked in spades.
- This class here. An old substitute teacher actively refuses to let the only girl in a class even enter the classroom, because he thinks it's a boys-only class and that her only purpose of taking it was to impress a husband. On the second day, the entire rest of the class decides to sit out the class with that girl for the entire two weeks that the substitute is there, and when the normal teacher returns said substitute was forced to retire early by the superintendent and school board. A stand against misogyny indeed!
- A bully belittles an older lady working in his school's cafeteria for counting his change too slowly. Unfortunately, he makes the mistake of insulting her in front of her grandson, who happens to be the captain of the school's wrestling team.
Not Always Friendly
From Not Always Friendly
- This family managed to save a family involved in a car accident! What happened later was not quite as epic, however... until the asshole is called out by everyone.
- This woman puts down a gossiping stranger with an epic comeback line.
- Memorizing a dollar bill's serial number saves this girl a lot of heartache.
- Why Salamandastron would make a good name for a mountain home: