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Funny: King of the Hill
  • From the first episode, after Bobby lets Hank believe that they're still under investigation by child protective services
    Hank: *sighs* It's hard, Peggy. I don't wanna lose my little boy...my only son. But oh, it's hard
    Peggy: Well, you can relax. The investigation has been off for a week, only...Bobby didn't tell us.
    Hank: I'LL KILL HIM!
    • Also, the pilot has brought us this gem:
    Hank: What you listening there, son?
    Bobby: I don't think you'll like it.
    Hank: Well, why not? I like this new generation of music.
    [Hank puts on Bobby's headphones. A few seconds later it begins to play the sound of a toilet flushing.]
    Hank: Mother of God, it's all toilet sounds! Where'd you record this?
    Bobby: I got it from the mall. It's The Funny Phone Jerks.
  • After Dale expresses his Conspiracy Theorist opinion on global warming: "Dale, you giblet head! We live in Texas. It's already 110 in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter I'm gonna kick your ass!"
  • Bobby's impression of Hank on "Hank's Got the Willies": "Ah sell pro-pane and pro-pane accessories, Ah tell you hwut. Shut up, Dale!"
  • When Peggy gets obsessed with lawn gnomes and Hank breaks one, he tries to replace it by going to a store that specializes in them and buying one. As he has been bombarded with the highly detailed world of lawn gnome collecting, he is deeply uncomfortable with being in the store. When he selects the last statue of a rare gnome model, the other customer who wants it accuses Hank of not knowing anything about lawn gnomes.
    Hank: No, I don't know anything about gnomes. I AM NOT A DORK!
    • From the same episode:
    Bobby: "I shall call him VANDOR!"
  • From the first season, after Bobby accidentally kills an endangered whooping crane It was actually just knocked out:
    Dale: "There were only five of those left in the world. [Beat] Welp, four now!"
  • In one episode, Minh joins Dale's gun club in order to train for a skeet-shooting contest. After she feels she is ready, she quits the club and mocks them for thinking she was their friend. Dale angrily launches her plaque into the air and opens fire on it... only to miss every shot. He and the rest of the club try it again and release their full salvo of bullets... and they still miss.
    • Earlier in the episode, when she's trying to get on the skeet team, and is talking to the lady in charge. Keep in mind, they're in the middle of a fancy country club.
    Minh: (pulls out a handgun) Name a target, I guarantee I nail it.
  • Another first season exchange from "Hank's Got The Willies", where Bobby tries to sort things out with Willie Nelson after he hit him in the head while golfing.
    Willie: Hey, you look familiar. Aren't you the kid who rakes my lawn?
    Bobby: No sir, I'm the one who hit you in the head.
    Willie: With a rake?
    Bobby: With a golf club.
    Willie: You've been raking my lawn with a golf club? I want my quarter back.
  • Hank and his friends try to straighten out a trailer home that's been turned on its side. In the first attempt, they hook it up to the winch, but accidentally reel the truck to the hook, with Hank's truck ending up on the now completely upside down trailer. Next, they put a few planks so that the truck can drive straight off. It works, thus flipping the trailer over. But while Boomhauer is giving a thumbs-up from the cab of the truck, he crashes into another trailer, which promptly rolls over. The four guys get up and drive away.
  • VAAAAAAAAAGINA!!!
    • From that same episode:
    Hank (answering the phone): Hello?
    Harsh Voice: You don't know who I am, but I know where you live and if you teach that sex-ed class so help me I...
    Hank: Dale?
    Dale: Oh, Hank. Is Peggy there?
    Hank: Peggy, it's for you. It's Dale.
    Peggy: Yello, Dale.
    Dale (harsh voice): You don't know who I am...
    Peggy (on answering machine): Hello. You have reached the Hill residence. Please leave a message at the tone.
    Dale (harsh voice): You don't know who I am but I know where you live Sex-Ed teacher, and you'd better cut it out if you know what's good for you. (normal voice) Oh, and Hank. We changed the tee-off time to three o'olock. See ya.
  • In Plastic White Female, after getting fed up with Bobby using Luanne's test model head to practice talking with girls, Hank slices it in half and completely forgets Luanne needed the head for her test. He can only reply with a sheepish smile...and gets forced to be Luanne's test model head in her test the next day. She at first gets an F by her jerkass instructor for not bringing the real deal.
    Hank: What a bitch.
    • At the end of the episode, Bobby plays spin the bottle in the basement at Joseph's party and spins the bottle for last. Joseph's parents enter, they argue about whether to stop the kids from playing or not, the bottle comes to a halt and lands on Nancy...and a determined Bobby lunges at her to kiss her, ending with a crude shot of him flying towards a terrified Nancy.
  • Dale: Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me.
  • "That's a clean burning hell, I tell you what."
  • Cotton has a pretty good one when he admits to Hank that Hank is a better father than he was. Could be considered a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming if it weren't quite possibly the greatest example of a backhanded compliment ever seen.
    Cotton: Well of course you're a better father than me, Hank. You raised Bobby! All I raised was you!
  • "[Bobby] looks like the kid on the paint can!"
    • From "A Beer Can Named Desire": Attempting to keep Bill's dandified cousin Gilbert from influencing Bobby, Hank volunteers to sit next to him at dinner, with the excuse that they can discuss sports. This leads to the following exchange:
      Hank: So, Gilbert, how do the Saints look this year?
      Gilbert: Oh, I am more familiar with sinners than saints, my dear. And sinners always look good.
      • From the same episode: Hank tossing Bobby's dandy clothes that Gilbert gave him out the hotel window.
  • From "Blood and Sauce": Hank calling Gilbert out for yelling at Bill with this line, "I keep hearing about the 'Dauterive pride', but all I see are a crying drunk and an angry sissy."
    • Gilbert making friends with the homeless man at the bus station.
    • Gilbert thinking Mr. Strickland's offer to take him to the French Quarter is a sexual come-on, and Buck backing out when he realizes what's going on. It's the subtext that makes this funny.
  • While visiting the Dallas Cowboys training camp, Hank and Bobby check out the Strickland Propane Wichita Falls branch. The guys working there are jackasses who hate Texas, and start singing the Oklahoma Sooners' fight song while Hank tries to plug his ears and drown them out with the Cowboys' song.
  • The owner of a mom n' pop convenience store lets Hank go without paying the change on a sale. Cue this gem of an exchange:
    Ma: Now I know why they call you "pa", cause you're "pa"-thetic!
    Pa: And I know why they call you "ma", cause you're always riding "ma" ass!
  • During a Christmas Episode, after Bill fails an attempt at suicide and Hank tries to convince him that Lenore will never come back by crushing the presents Bill had for her, Bill loses his sanity and starts to crossdress as Lenore, leading to one of the best quotes in the series:
    Bill: (in a high voice) Why do you keep calling me (voice suddenly lowers) Bill? (voice goes up again) My name is Lenore.
  • The ending of the episode with the emu.
  • Cotton Hill's introduction to Kahn Souphanousinphone:
    Hank: This is my new neighbor.
    Dale: He's Japanese.
    Cotton: [after a second] No he ain't. He's Laotian. Ain't you, Mr. Kahn?
    [Kahn, who tried telling his new neighbors he was from Laos when he met them, looks plainly shocked]
  • I bit a Nazi's windpipe in half!!!
  • Hank kicking Jimmy Wichard's ass. Really nice to know that kicking somebody's ass is more than just an empty threat or a catchphrase with Hank.
  • Hank Hill at the end of "Ho Yeah!" Could also count as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome.
    • Please note that while he was doing this he was wearing a pimp hat, driving a Cadillac car (which he got from Cotton while he went to a swap meet), and had both Peggy and a houseguest in the backseat while they both were dressed like hookers (one of which was actually a Hooker, try to guess which one) And the person he was chewing out was a Pimp from OKC. Immediately after this, Dale begged Hank not to "turn him out" claiming he is "no good" and to ask his wife to verify this.
      • The pimp was voiced by Snoop, too!
  • After Bobby kicks Hank in the groin:
    • "YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED IN THE TESTICLES."
    • Same episode:
      Peggy: Nice try, Bobby, but I think you'll find that I have no testicles.
      Kahn: SHE BLUFFING! FINISH HER!
  • Getting testosterone treatments apparently helps Hank keep track of Dale's conspiracy theories
    Dale: So as it turns out, I'm not the real Dale Gribble, but a clone of him. The real me is a superwarrior from the year 2087 sent back in time to get me (i.e. I) to help fight off the invading Mongolian armies.
    Hank: Dale, that's asinine. And here's four reasons why. One, you're not gonna clone a superwarrior out of a guy who can't win a thumb wrestling match.
    Dale: But-
    Hank: Two, you've sworn your whole life that the robots will exterminate the clones by the end of 2010. So which is it? Robots or clones?
    Dale: Well, I-
    Hank: Three, you've already said that you sympathize with the invading Mongolian armies of 2087, so you'd be the last one they'd send to fight them. {With a smirk.} And four, if you were from the future, you would have seen this coming.
    {Hank slugs Dale in shoulder. Boomhauer and Bill applaud.}
  • Peggy, on trial for kidnapping in Mexico, butchering the Spanish language in her defense:
    Peggy: <Your Honor, I can see that you are a reasonable horse. I am very pregnant because of what happened with Lupe. She ate my bus accident and all I wanted was to make Lupe into a book. I have too many good anuses ahead of me to spend them in a cigar factory.>
    • Making that a Bilingual Bonus is that many of those are common "false friends" that trip up unskilled Spanish speakers. Embarrassed/Pregnant and Years/Anuses are very easy to mistake.
  • Cotton, during the episode where he dies, managed to fake it at least twice beforehand. When he finally dies for real:
    Peggy: He's gone.
    Hank: (beat) Are you sure?
  • Dale's Falcon.
  • "They put salmon in the fish tacos!"
  • (Upon learning that Bobby, Connie, and Joseph are home alone.) Joseph: "WE SHOULD PEE IN PLACES WHERE PEE SHOULDN'T GO!"
  • Kahn and Minh are listening in on the Hills in "The Incredible Hank".
    Kahn: Why he point at his crotch like that?
    Hank: You want me to put a patch on my what?!
    Kahn: Okay, this is going in a weird direction.
    • Also from that episode, Hank completely unravels Dale's crazy theory involving clones and Mongols. Curious how Hank manages to remember all that nonsense.
  • The entirety of the episode "A Firefighting We Will Go." The funniest moment most likely when all four of the guys fall into Chet's grave. While pantsing the man's corpse.
    • Another part is where Boomhauer has to tell his version of a story that involves himself, Dale, Bill and Hank, with the other three all speaking like Boomhauer....while Boomhauer actually speaks normally and is understandable!
      Dale: Hey, tell you what, the dang ol' detector, man. Talkin' about government take away freedom of smoke, man. Tell you what, dang ol' yo, man.
      Hank: Hey, man, I'll tell you what, man that dang ol' boy ain't right, man. Talkin' 'bout gonna kick that dang ol' ass, man.
      Boomhauer: For God's sake, Hank. Act like an adult, man. And keep it down, guys, will you? I'm trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes.
      Bill: Dang ol', pretty pretty pizza, I'll tell you what.
    • "I'm a fireman! I'm a HUDJIBAH!"
    • The set-up for the episode is that the guys are in trouble with the fire chief. Cue this exchange
      Dale: My name is Rusty Shackleford. I refuse to speak without my attorney. (stands up and removes his hat)My name is Rusty Shackleford. I am Mr. Shackleford's attorney. My client pleads insanity.
      Bill: My name is Dauterive, Bill. I am also insane.
    • The news that Chet Elderson died. That's not the funny part as much as the mens reactions.
      Heck: *solemnly* I got bad news, men... Chet Elderson died. Natural causes.
      Boomhauer: Oh.. bummer.
      Hank: What a shame.
      Dale: Very sad.
      Bill: *cuts a loud fart*
      Heck: *looking up and seeing Bill's ass sticking out from the fire pole area* Oh for crying out loud!
  • The end of "Its Not Easy Being Green" when Boomhauer forces Bill and Dale to drive back his Mustang after its been at the bottom of the quarry for 20 years.
    Bill: (after engine won't start) You're flooding it!
  • All of the scenes at The Arlen Barn in "Uncool Customer".
  • Washington. Hitler. Washington. Hitler.
    • I call this "Industrial Penis #5".
  • "But...Boomhauer's got a bad leg..."
  • Every time Dale closes his eyes, he sees strange characters chasing colorful geometric shapes in a dark infinite limbo. He has stopped closing his eyes.
  • One episode, Peggy mentions to Hank that Nancy only sleeps with Dale on Christmas and his birthday. Later in the episode, after she ends up telling Peggy that she slept with Dale after a date...
    Peggy: Oh my god, we forgot his birthday!
  • "The Wedding of Bobby Hill" had two CMOFs, the first being when Bobby (who had recently switched Luanne's birth control pills with candy in their escallating prank war) exclaimed to Hank in horror, "Dad! I've gotten Luanne pregnant!" (she wasn't, though) and then when Hank decides to teach Bobby and Luanne a lesson about pranking tells Bobby that he now has to marry Luanne, and sets up a fake wedding in the backyard. Kahn sees this from his side of the fence and says ever so merrily, "Mihn, it's finally happened! Hillbilly neighbor marry trailer trash cousin! You owe me five dollars! In your face!"
    Luanne: Uncle Hank! Bobby's trying to get out of marrying me!
    Hank (offscreen): Bobby, you cut that out!
  • The pilot. The first time you see Joseph.
  • After one of Dale's ramblings Hank says "Did you mean to put all those words in that order or did they just fall out like that?"
  • "THAT'S MAH PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!"
  • In The Petriot Act, Hank takes care of a pet in excitement after watching Bill enjoying taking care of a dog from a soldier. To his dismay, the pet turns out to be a super aggressive cat that makes his family's life a living hell. Amusing Injuries follow Hank, not to mention he's scammed multiple times for trying to take care of the animal.
  • In one episode, Luanne becomes convinced that Halloween is satanic and this ensues (after Harper stops Hank from having a haunted house at school and Peggy suggests they do a garage haunted house):
    Luanne: Nuh-uh, Uncle Hank, you could go to hell. See, Judy Harper says that haunted houses are the Devil's mousetrap, and fun is the cheese.
    Hank: Luanne, just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'!
    • "I knew the risks when I put on the uniform."
    • "Check it out man, don't need no dang ol' costume, man. Hadda put onna dang ol' mime, man. Looksit like I'm tryin' get outta this dang ol' box, man. See- WHOA! Gonn' play tugga war, man."
    Dale: I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist peddling influence... Who wants candy?
  • "I'm not a chick, I'm a dude!" *WHAM!!*
  • "Pocket sand!"
  • The end of "Texas City Twister", with Hank vs. the tornado.
  • The end of an episode where Bobby, Connie, and Joseph were lost in a cave.
    Bobby: What were you eating under there?
    Joseph: Under where?
    Bobby: (singsong) You were eating underwear!
  • *sobbing* "This tastes like turtles."
    • From the same scene:
    Hank: (after being confronted by police) We have nothing to hide!
    Dale: (falls off roof, screaming)
  • In Nancy Does Dallas, she comes drunk to the parade she got into by accusing the top reporters of the Dallas news crew.
    Assistant: Ugh, are you drunk? We need to get makeup ready stat.
    Nancy: (In a dark tone) I could have you killed.
  • In one episode, the Hills meet Lucky's sister Myrna. When Peggy offers to get them juice, Myrna says that they don't drink juice, they'll just have water and read a book. As they walk off, Bobby says "Those kids ain't right."
    • Hank: "I tell you what, this Goofus is a dumbass."
  • Luanne has just given birth. She's very clearly been drugged:
    "I've decided that we're going to name her after something we both love... Lasagna. Lasagna Kleinschmidt."
  • Dale, after figuring out that Bill's new girlfriend is the mother of Joseph's half-sister, seeks help from John Redcorn:
    Dale: John Redcorn! I bet you could romance a woman out of a relationship with a giant doofus!
    John: Dale, are you asking me to steal your friend's companion?
    Dale: I don't want to see my child being raised by an IDIOT!
    John: ....Yes, it's very difficult to watch an idiot raise your child.
  • Hank in the final episode: "What you're seeing is team spirit. It's like the Holy Spirit, only more powerful."
  • Pretty much any time Dale mentions that he thinks John Redcorn is gay.
  • In Doggone Crazy, Hank and Peggy hear Ladybird barking late at night. Thinking that there is a robber inside the house, the two arm themselves: Hank with a golf club, and Peggy with a...
    Hank: A butcher's knife? [Beat] Alright.
    • Hank trying to calm Ladybird down through the dog spiritualist's remedies. He has Hank walk Ladybird as if he was blind in front of his friends.
    Dale: You know, all Hank needs to wear is a monocle to be Mr. Peanuts.
    • And then when Ladybird is accidentally let loose at the local retirement center during a thunderstorm which makes her vicious and dangerous:
    Peggy: Everyone, stay calm!
    Old Man: We are calm.
    Peggy: Well, you shouldn't be because there's a vicious dog on the loose!
  • Bobby trying to teach Peggy to ride a bike. Pretty much the whole thing, but special mention goes to this gem.
    Peggy: Don't let go, don't let go.
    Bobby lets go, and she rides off without any issues.
    Dale: He let go!
    Peggy screams, and crashes off screen. Bobby glares at Dale.
    Dale: Well, you did.
  • "He's already got the black vote. Earl. And the gay vote. Earl."
  • From "The Miseducation of Bobby Hill", there's Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer's failed homemade weather balloon, which ends with Bill getting tangled in a tree in Mexico and a bunch of hoodlum kids "mistaking" him for a piņata. He limps over to them with his shirt mostly gone and a tattoo across his stomach, then hands Dale the balloons telling him "Your turn" before collapsing.
  • Kahn's...unique take on "Mickey".
    • And the time he sang "She Blinded Me With Science" at a mariachi trio to drive them away.
  • In "The Arrowhead", Hank's yard is being torn up by a Jerk Ass archaeology professor hunting for Native American artifacts. When Hank complains, Bill compares it to the depredations suffered by the Natives and sheds a single tear...and then crumples up his beer can and throws it on the groundnote .
    • At the end of that same episode, the Jerk Ass archaeologist smugly declares that he probably could have scored Peggy for the price of a fake bracelet. Hank grabs him by the shirt and throws him into the pit they've dug in his lawn. The archaeologist tries climbing out, but Hank shoves him back in. After three of these, he remarks "Okay, so you've proven that you're stronger than me..."; this time, Peggy shoves him in. Fade to the credits as he tries to save face by claiming "I WANT you to push me in!", followed by Bobby saying "Okay" and the sound of him hitting ground again. And then during The Stinger we hear "You know, you'll get tired of this long before I do." *THUD!*
  • BILL! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you're wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequined train wreck! LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE PART OF A TWELVE-HEADED JACKASS!!! This! Chorus! Is the feces, that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity!! You people make me envy the DEAF AND THE BLIND!! ...Underwear...Money...FAT!!
    • He was holding it in all episode and just let it all out. By the end, he's out of breath and ready to collapse.
  • From "Death of a Propane Salesman":
    Dooley: (to Bobby) Your dad got blown up.
  • From "Movin' On Up", after Luanne accidentally walks in on Hank and Peggy about to have sex:
    Luanne: I thought you guys were sleeping. (snickers) But you guys weren't sleeping!
    Hank: Exit the master bedroom now!
  • Peggy trying to speak to a French man in Spanish ("They're the same thing", she says), then promptly getting shown up by Bill who happens to be fluent in French.
    • Also a bit of a Brick Joke, since we find out he has family in New Orleans, so he probably learned it there.
  • Funniest stingers? Here are mine:
    • "Yankee Hankee":
    Cotton: Well, I suppose...... SUCKER PUNCH!
    • "New Cowboy on the Block":
    Hank: Rock on!
    Kahn: Yes hello, rock on.
    • "Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do":
    Bobby: Man, I'm just keepin' it real, dawg.
    • "Traffic Jam":
    Toenail: BAM! Now THAT'S what I call general haberdashery!
    • "Return to La Grunta":
    Hank: I never get brunch...
    • "It's Not Easy Being Green":
    Hank: No, no, no, heh, no, heh.... NO.
    • "Hank and the Great Glass Elevator":
    Hank: I'm doin' it! I'm a mooner!
    • "A Firefighting We Will Go":
    Dale: Bicky-bi-be-bo-bo-bicky-bi-bo!
    • "Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men":
    Cotton: Pump jockey! Works for tips!
    • "Hank Gets Dusted":
    Hank: It's time to rock.
    • "The Wedding of Bobby Hill":
    Bobby: I don't think I'm ready for this yet!!
  • Joe Jack has some good One Liners. One time he was practicing Yoga with Hank and Enrique and he said "I feel my chakra straightening out, honey!"
  • In "Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men" Cotton and Hank attend a mower focus group the day after Thanksgiving dinner and Cotton keeps saying horrible, hilarious things about Hank's mom:
    Cotton: Your mower's obsolete Hank! When something gets old and tired you gotta trade up!
    Hank: You mean like you traded in mother for Didi?
    Cotton: I didn't trade your momma in, a trade-in has some value... I scrapped her!
  • Most of "Peggy's Turtle Song," but especially any scene with Bobby on ADD medication.
    There's some milk in the fridge that's about to go bad... and there it goes.
  • This line from Hank, taken out of context, is hilarious:
    Hank: Grip it! Grip it! Why don't ya grip it?!
  • This exchange:
    Bill:"So, how long you been celibate?"
    Monk:"Three years."
    Bill:"The fourth year's the hardest."
    • Cue look of WTF from the monk.
  • Followed immediately by:
    Hank:"I'm going to kick your ass!"
    Monk:"If my ass will be kicked, then it will be kicked."
  • Dale trying to use his own pest-control chemicals to get rid of head-lice. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
    Dale: (Calmly) Hmm...Itching, burning, burning...more itching...tingling...blindness...itching, itching, burning...intense burning...Hank, get your hose. (Screams)
  • Dale represents himself at a trial:
    Dale: Objection conjecture! OBJECTURE!
  • When Hank finds out that Peggy and Bobby have been using charcoal for grilling rather than propane, and Peggy trying to make excuses:
    Peggy: Luanne asked me to hold it for her, I thought it was drugs!
  • When Hank and his half-brother Junichiro are tracking Cotton, the latter gets a tip that Cotton is at the train station, where he bought a ticket and, according to the tipster, "dishonored a pay toilet".
    Hank: The Hill brothers are on the case!
    Junichiro: Hai! (smiles)
  • In "When Joseph Met Lori, and Made Out with Her in the Janitor's Closet", Bobby tries to lie to cover up what Joseph did in the janitor's closet:
    Bobby: He was just, um, selling drugs.
    Hank: That was an awful lie, son. Terrible.
  • In "The Buck Stops Here," Bill randomly bringing up a dream before Hank cuts him off:
    Bill: I had a dream last night where we [himself, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer] were all naked. Except for you, Hank, you had these tiny clear plastic underpants on. Actually, they weren't doing you any good, because you could see everything. But the weird part was—
  • In "Peggy the Boggle Champ", Hank trying to coach Peggy, who's crying because she lost:
    Hank: Hey, coach used to say something to fire us up when we're behind.
    Peggy: Yeah, what?
    Hank: Loser! You're a loser! Are you feeling sorry for yourself?! Well, you should be, because you are dirt! You make me sick, you big baby! Baby want a bottle? A big dirt bottle?!
  • In "Hank's Choice" Bobby ends up living in the dog house that Hank built for Ladybird ( It Makes Sense in Context ). It's funny enough that everybody treats this as him legit moving out on his own, but the funniest moment comes when Dale and Bill toss a frisbee over his little dog-fence. Bobby's reaction when they ask for it back is to scowl at them like an old man, put it under his arm and crawl into his doghouse with it.
    Bobby: I get one more frisbee, I'm opening a store!
  • This exchange:
    Nancy: Dale! Get out of the hot tub; we're stealing a news van!
    Dale: It's the perfect crime. How will they ever report it?!
  • From "An Officer and a Gentle Boy":
    Cotton: Combat bowl? The only bowl he's supposed to make is from a hollowed-out skull! (waddles off and makes a funny noise)
  • A couple more stingers.
    • "Naked Ambition":
    Dale: Did you just say "Go, Mom"?
    • "The Man Who Shot Cane Skreetburg":
    Bobby: Dad! The raccoons are back!
    • "Hilloween":
    Young Boomhauer: Dang ol' boo, man.
    • "Death And Texas":
    Bobby: All sloppy and no Joe.
    • "Dog Dale Afternoon":
    Dale: Can you mow your lawn in a hurricane? Nope, didn't think so! Hahaha!
    • "Aisle 8A"
    Peggy: Do you want to be in charge?
    Hank: No.
    • "Sleight Of Hank":
    Dale: You are so clueless!
    • "Pretty, Pretty Dresses":
    Bill: Why do you keep calling me Bill?
    • "High Anxiety":
    Bobby: I said "Good day", sheriff!
    • "Ho Yeah":
    Hank: Alabaster!
    • "Tankin' It To The Streets":
    Dale: (ding) Cookies!
    • "Spin The Choice":
    Hank: Oh my God, it's so juicy! (Bobby screams)
    • "Racist Dawg":
    Bobby: Here ki-ki-ki-ki.
    • "Dances With Dogs":
    Bill: Now just move your paw—- (screams)
    • "Queasy Rider":
    Hank: He had a crushed pelvis.
    Bobby: AND A CAPE!
    • "An Officer and a Gentle Boy"
    Cotton:WHAT THE-You made a boooowwwwl?

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