Funny: Hellfire Commentaries
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Sonic The Hedgehog (2006) (w/Fastest Thing Alive)
- FTA's reaction to the "Who's The Captain?" mission:
...WHAT?! You're fucking jo — please tell me you're joking on that, please tell me, tell me he, I, just, ....e-e-excuse me for ten seconds please... (Leaves his mic) WHAT THE FUCK?! GRAAAAAAHH! -thud- -thud- -thud- NTom
: (as FTA returns)
All better now?
- Like FTA and Eggmanland below, NTom loses it in a similar fashion during the Trials of Soleanna.
- Three words:
- Near the end of Part 15 of Silver's story:
FTA: This has been ten minutes and forty-seven seconds of my life I'll never get back. Damn you all to hell!
NTom64: Don't be silly... you don't have a life!
- FTA: Silver's head looks like marijuana!
- Regarding the name of Radical Train:
FTA: The abandoned name for this level was "Cowabunga Express".
Sonic The Hedgehog (2006) (w/ The Helldragon)
- "I feel up for a boss! Don't you, Tom?" (Helldragon) "Hmm, is this loading screen the boss?" (NTom)
- "I'm so glad that this cutscene of the Cerberus being destroyed was sandwiched by loading screens, because THAT'S what we needed!" (Helldragon)
- A throwback to the Kingdom Hearts playthrough:
Tom: That dialogue with Tails was terrible.
Helldragon: His gesturing is terrible. "Oh man, I hope we solve this mystery!" And he's flailing at the air like a moron!
Tom: Mm. Parasite Cage would be ashamed.
- This exchange:
Helldragon: Well, why'd you do that?
NTom: Because he deserves it, okay?
- "I am now mounting you from behind! Forever!" (Helldragon)
- "Look at me ma! I can use computer!" (Helldragon)
- "No! Typing doesn't make it go! What was I thinking?! STAR TREK!" (Helldragon)
- Before Sonic's Kingdom Valley level, when Silver appears:
Helldragon (whiny Silver voice): Sonic, now we're alone so we can finally make love~
Ugh; please don't bring your fanfiction
into this, mate.
Helldragon (normal voice): Wha— I don't write crap like that!
- This exchange, regarding Eggman's choice of security:
...I have to question the wisdom of making blast doors out of glass!
Helldragon: ...No... that was an obituary, because I shot him.
- During the last cutscene in Sonic's story, when Sonic and Elise are falling:
Helldragon: "I-probably-should've-thought-this-throooooough—" BWOOSH! And now they're dead.
- And in either of the '06 playthroughs... "Dooo-dododo-dodo-dodo Don't touch it!"
- NTom's little freak out when Sonic said "Let's get moving."
NTom: It's going to be in every game! I can't escape it!
- NTom posing a perfectly reasonable question:
NTom: What's a moray?
- Tom explains his joke:
NTom: Well, Yuji Naka's always been a bit of a glory hog...
See what I did there? Glory "hog
FTA: It wasn't funny, so I didn't laugh.
- During the Shamar night level:
Tom: Could you please not hum that throughout the entirety of this part?
Tom: I really don't want to have to kill a bitch.
FTA: -starts humming it again-
- The group's Rule 34 discussions are always hilarious, but special mention goes to this playthrough, with them bringing up a hypothetical Fire Wizard x Professor Pickle Crack Fic. (Bonus points: this is shortly after the humming session mentioned immediately above.)
NTom: *imitating Professor Pickle* Hmm... My nether regions are on fire!
NTom: You started it.
- "Oh fuck; we're talking about beverages in a Sonic Unleashed playthrough!" (NTom)
- "You are white, and probably middle-class; I don't know, I haven't bothered to ask." (NTom)
- Fastest Thing Alive's maniacal laughter once they finish Eggmanland.
- And the following part after it:
"Everyday, people are asking me 'When's Unleashed getting finished?', 'When's Unleashed getting finished?'! FUCKING TODAY!"
- This outtake.
- Tom's reaction upon seeing Perfect Dark Gaia definitely qualifies.
Sonic Adventure ( 1 & 2)
- When NTom loses to Knuckles in the first game. FTA's verbal abuse doesn't help Tom deal with it either.
NTom: I lost to Knuckles?!
FTA: (laughing) You lost to Knuckles! Man, you suck!
- "Who the fuck else is she gonna be? She already told you her name is 'Rouge the Bat'!" (FTA)
- This Accidental Innuendo / Innocent Innuendo:
Tom: I will fucking shank you.
FTA: You'll shag me?
FTA: Tom, this is hardly the time or place!
Tom: S-H-A-N-K, OK?!
- "Grinding's been sort of a staple in the series, like rings, loops, and bad voices." (FTA)
- FTA's imitation of former SEGA game developer, Yuji Naka.
- This little exchange from the first game.
Tails: All's well that ends well, right?
FTA: THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!
- From the third part of the Dark Story, I give you this: Tom and FTA falling out.
Tom: (after FTA shot down the fact that Tom's birthday was coming soon) What do you mean, so? You bastard.
FTA: So, how does it affect me? It doesn't affect me, Tom, I don't care, shut up.
Tom: (starts mock-whimpering)
FTA: Shut your whore-mouth.
Tom: I dun wanna talk to you no more! (Beat)
Yeah, that's the end of the SA2
FTA: This video contains E-drama.
Sonic The Hedgehog CD
- Tom: Gareth, why has it taken us so long to get to this playthrough?
FTA: Because I despise you.
- Tom describing the race with Metal Sonic:
And don't forget Robotnik is chasing you with a Death Laser™
Tom: And if you get caught by that, the Death Laser—
Tom: —you will die.
Tom: Yes, I trademarked death, that's right.
- "Why are you so boring?!" (NTom)
- Sonic's first meeting with Amy:
Tom: Aah, get away from me! You crazy bitch!
- "We destroyed the robo-sandwich." (NTom)
- FTA's message to the fans about the playthrough.
FTA: You waited nine months for this! Sucks to be you!
Sonic 3 & Knuckles
- After Sky describes the game, this exchange happens:
SonicMovies: On disc DLC.
- And after Sky says that the second Zone is called Hydro City and not Hydrocity and Tom tries to argue it otherwise, he gives this response.
- FTA's continuous Take That's at Sky and the rest of the Sonic Retro community.
- Tom gets one in in Sandopolis.
Tom: Gareth, Gareth, Gareth, I know Sandopolis is overly long, but you don't need to take it out on Skyla, he's got plenty other faults you can attack.
Sky: Oh, fuck you Tom.
- Tom says FTA loves the Shadow game. This happens.
FTA: I never said I loved Shadow! I enjoy it more than some people do.
Tom: Are you taking the right path?
FTA: I'm tak-yeah, I'm taki- I'm taking the neutral. I'm not being too, you know, overeager, I'm not being too distant.
- FTA and Sky explain how Blue Sphere is activated. FTA gave us this little gem.
Basically, if you put in any game made before Sonic and Knuckles came out, it'll work; if you — Like, I once tried 3D Blast
to get Sonic 3D Blast & Knuckles. Didn't work.
FTA: If you — if you put — if you put any, like, game made after Sonic and Knuckles came out, on the Sonic and Knuckles cartridge, it just boots up Sonic and Knuckles.
Sky: Sega, if you're listening... Sonic 3D Blast and Knuckles.
Sky: That's a gold mine. Genius.
Sky:(Laughing) What the fuck.
- And after about 20 seconds of silence, we get this gem.
FTA: (Laughing) Just slap in the disc to fit into the thing.
Sky: I was hoping to play Knuckles Generations, but...
*Everyone still laughing*
Sky: Who really wants to collect all of the pieces of the Master Emerald in every game in one go?
No! No, guys! The best — the best thing would totally be, Knuckles Chaotix
Sky: Goddamn it! You stole my joke!
FTA: You could team up Knuckles and Knuckles, it'd be amazing.
- "Michael Jackson."
- And then "Sonic the chlamydia".
- At the beginning of Ice Cap Zone, the guys start referencing Ice Cap from Sonic Adventure.
- "What is it with you and Yuji Naka's Ferrari? You bring it up all the time."
- This little gem at the end of Mushroom Hill.
Sky: This is the first time I've ever noticed it, but the... the climate changed when you busted that satellite that was transmitting that disease.
Sonic Movies: Yeah that's what causes it.
FTA: "That disease," *Laughs* Eggman just gave Mushroom Hill Zone chlamydia, that's why it turned brown.
- The intro to Flying Battery Zone.
- Quite a few in Sandopolis Zone.
- Tom's little story on how he found out about Sonic 3D: Blast's level select by hitting it is quickly retorted with FTA's version.
FTA: I broke seven Megadrives trying to get to that stage select.
Tom: *cracking up laughing* You're not meant to hit it that hard.
FTA: I got a hammer out and smashed it. Work, Motherfucker, BAM!
Tom: It booted up Super Mario World for some reason.
- Tom starts to say that one should be careful on a special stage because something was at the end of it. He was not able to say what it was because FTA interrupted him and said "There's a bear, there's a bear that'll come and eat you. Oh, fuck, it's Bark the Polar Bear!"
- There is a conversation on whether or not Ghosts fit into the franchise. However, this moment of funny is not in the video itsef, but rather, a comment by fellow Hellfire Comms member, The Hell Dragon.
Helldragon: I didn't think ghosts fit in Sonic either, until they put a pair of spectral tits in Night of the Werehog, and what was I talking about again.
- At the beginning of Lava Reef, the four listen to the music for a couple of seconds. Let's just say that their reactions are... Well...
- Also, during the boss fight, Tom does nothing but stand there and let Robotnik hit himself.
- Only two words can describe Hidden Palace and Sky Sanctuary. Ch'yeah Buddy
- In 3DS Part 1, FTA perfectly describes the fickle nature of the Sonic fanbase. *5 years ago* "Please make more games, Dimps! We hate Sonic Team!" *Now* "Please stop making games, Dimps! We love Sonic Team!"
- Also in 3DS Part 1, FTA tells the story of how Ryan Drummond almost returned to the series during the 2010 voice recast, but Sega wanted him to leave his union so they could pay him very little, and Drummond's reaction, as paraphrased by FTA, was "OK! No, wait a minute, that's a bad idea. Fuck you guys."
- After Tom explains how Jesus can be in the Old Testament with the words "Wibbily wobbily, Dimpsy Wimpsy", FTA retorts with this.
"That's the lamest Harry Potter spell I've ever heard in my life."
- "It turns out 'Live and Learn' is a lyrical allegory for having sex with space stations."
- FTA's tasteful yet hysterical observations of Eggman's actions during the Egg Dragoon boss fight and Tom and Sonic Movies trying to hold their shit together as he digs deeper.
Oh, watch this — Look at him fuck the shit out
of the cockpit! (*Tom begins to giggle*) Look at that!
FTA: He's clearly — he's clearly got a sex doll he's violently masturbating in [Sonic Movies: HAHA — oh, God!!] his cockpit.
Tom: Is that how he powers his robots?
Sonic Movies: *Wow*...! That just — that — that just adds so much to — to his character, Gareth, 'cause he's also trying to kill Sonic at the same time!
Tom: Oh my god; the drill machine from the beginning of Sonic 2! (*whimper!*)
Y'see he — he's finally realised that using Flickies wasn't effective for his robots so he now powers them with semen
Tom: (Pained with disgust/hilarity) Gareth, why-yyy??
Sonic Movies: (Struggling to compose himself) ...O-ho..! Oh my *God*!!
Y'see what I have to put up with people? If it's not "Ch'yeah buddy
!" every other five seconds it's a friggin' sex joke I can't edit
- FTA sums up the plot as Dr. Eggman saying to Sonic: "Here's some [slow down] shoes, now fight me in real life."
- In regards to the bonus stage.
FTA: I have no idea what's going on, but I think the stuff me and Stephen took before we started just kicked in, this is making meh—this fucking me up.
SonicMovies: Yeah, where am I? Who am I?
FTA: I have no idea what's going on, I'm scared and a bit aroused, what is going on?
SonicMovies: Gareth, what are we doing with our lives? Why are we doing this?
FTA: I don't know. Damn you Tom, ya bastard.
- In the ending, Johnny jokes that the Chaos Emerald that Eggman drops looks like the Sims icon.
- The first Kingdom Hearts playthrough had its moments, such as with Parasite Cage:
Helldragon: Parasite Cage would be like, the worst roommate ever. "Hey Parasite Cage, you want something to eat?" "AAAHHH!" and he flails and he takes out the fridge.
Tom: Takes out the whole left side of the house.
Helldragon: "Goddamn it Parasite Cage, you need to get a fucking job!" "AAAHHHH!" "Stop killing my fridge!"
- Located here for your convenience.
- "Simple and Clean is playing, so I guess Sora... needs a bath?"
- "Oh dear, where has Metal Chocobo gone?"
- This exchange at the end of Neverland:
Helldragon: Why'd you put on Fairy Harp?
Tom: Number one, it's green. Number two, it's more powerful than the one we were using before.
Helldragon: Number three, the range is pathetic.
Tom: Number four, shut up.
Helldragon: Number five, you just missed a treasure chest back there.
Tom: Number six, I do believe you're correct.
Helldragon: Number seven, ha ha ha ha ha I win.
Tom: Number eight, fuck you.
- The duo's efforts to make sense of the Gummi Ship space. Sonic, Tetris, and Gradius references ahoy.
Kingdom Hearts II
- From the beginning, the KHII playthrough was bound to become a riot.
Xemnas: I'm what's left.
Helldragon: Of what, the pizza?
Xemnas: My name is of no importance.
Helldragon: (simultaneously) His name is Not Dongs.
Tom: Yeah... hello there, Mr. Of No Importance.
- "After he met Roxas, he became happy and free, and emotional. Fan-fictiooooon!" (Helldragon)
- "And thus a thousand fanfictions were born!"
- "Die, Windows! Die, Linux! Di— Macintosh, you're alright; you don't get to die —DIIIE!" (Helldragon)
- Also, their alternating Fan Nickname for Dusk Nobodies... usually they call them "Gimps", but occasionally they call them "Pimps" instead.
- "Now, let's massage the giant, sweaty cat." (Helldragon)
- Helldragon's mental breakdown, regarding the cars in Timeless River:
Helldragon: And that last asshole back there, that att- they're driving around like fucking maniacs now! God! Kill them! Die! Now! Today! Mind bullets! Nrrgh!
- "Shake your fist in angry British rage, Tom!" "You can't see it, but my fist is wearing a monocle!"
- And in Port Royale:
Helldragon: Oh yeah! (Sora turns around and sees Barbossa) Oh no!
NTom64: Sora, regardless of what it says in the song, you are not a pirate.
HellDragon: yarr-harr fiddle yee dee being a pirate — yeah, I'm not going to sing that.
- The return of an old friend... Mecha-Cage!
"I will destroy all the fridges in the world!"
- During that battle, their references to This Wiki.
"And suddenly, a new Trope was born..."
- "Yeah, we got Oathkeeper, but I'm a "kill things" man, and magic doesn't have the killtential that I crave..." (Helldragon)
- "Okay, are you gonna say it, or should I?" "Go for it." "MANSEX!"
- "Whatever, we're confused; this is filler, don't judge me. Judge him, but not me." "Fuck you."
- Saix, the Ultimate Troll.
Helldragon: He's ceased being a troll and has become a flamer. The phases of Saix: Troll, Flamer and Overall Respectable Forum Member. Not sure when that last one happens though.
- Bob the Douchebag. "'What did you bring? I brought casserole.' 'I brought FIRE!' 'Why do we keep inviting him?'"
- "Well, it's gonna be around 14 parts or so, if my rudimentary math skills — GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME — are anything to go by." (NTom)
- Derp-Dragon. That is all.
Helldragon: That's not my Heartless!
- Upon picking up a "Queen Recipe" item:
"We found the recipe for Freddie Mercury!"
- "Holding down Square? Isn't that what Enix has been doing for years?" (NTom)
- Throughout the playthrough, Tom's developing status as a Pungeon Master — by the 100th episode, his barrage of puns has nearly caused Helldragon to lose his mind.
- Atlantica. Their descent into madness is glorious.
Helldragon in agony: I love you... you love me. We're a happy family.
NTom also in agony: I can't feel emotions anymore!
Helldragon: Notes everywhere! Notes!
- "Quinton Flynn Action Time, go, now, yes!"
- "Alright Axel, let our powers combine! Fire! Umm... Fire! ...Fire! ...Fire!"
- "With your powers combined, I am Captain Fire!" "~Captain Fire! He's on fire! Holy shit, he is always on fire!~"
- Them bringing up the fact that they went away and read some Aku Roku fanfictions.
- During the dialogue between Xemnas and Ansem:
NTom64: I've dreamed about recording the commentary for this for years now.
HellDragon: Fine, I won't spoil it for you, you nerd.
NTom64: No, I mean I woke up thinking we'd done it, but it was still during the nine months we were gone.
- One more for the endgame, when Ansem's machine blows up, Tom delivers yet another killer line, which sends both of them into hysterics:
Tom: (In squeaky Mickey Mouse voice) Haha, oh shit!
- When they highlighted Sora finishing Xemnas off by stabbing him in the crotch, when the latter is in his Armor Form and the camera decides to show the action in slow motion.
- The bit right before they go to Classic Disney Town.
HellDragon: What's this, another door? God forbid, this better not be like the last door I encountered.
Ntom64: It is rather inviting though.
HellDragon: Shiny, pretty. I want to touch it.
Ntom64: I want to caress it.
) Feels like tin foil.
- Also, in the same part. Donald is attacking a Malificent hologram.
Ntom64: Go get him, Donald. (Immediately, Donald runs face first into a wall.) Why do you fail, Donald?
Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep
- The latest Running Gag: Terra's affinity for murder.
- Helldragon finally getting revenge with his Terra-ble puns!
NTom: You did it again, you bastard!
- Both of the commentators roleplaying dialogue for Ven's silent flashback
HellDragon as Terra: And that's when I pushed Aqua off that bridge.
*Both of them laugh*
NTom as Ventus: Good times.
- HellDragon: "Considering he [Terra] dodges like a truck!"
- Right after that too, when Terra tries to open a treasure chest... only to miss completely.
- "Kingdom Hearts in a Nutshell":
Ven: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
Tom: "Heh, Kingdom Hearts in a nutshell."
- During the ending of Terra's story.
Helldragon: ... Um, ya know, you can take your body back now, just sayin'.
NTom: No, Terra go sleepy now.
- Tom makes a speech about the Stitch Anime, during of which in the video he activates Wing Blade. This happens.
Helldragon: By the way WINGBLADE! The most sexilent of Command Styles.
Tom: Well I was going to go a bit in depth in terms of my childhood viewing experiences but discuss your favorite command style, you giant nerd.
Yeah, Well Fuck
Your Childhood! I'm wielding Psychokinetic Swords WITH MY MIND!
Tom: That's the best insult ever. "Fuck Your Childhood."
Helldragon: PSYCHOKINETIC SWORDS WHOO!
- And then Tom has given us the Idea of Space Korea.
- In Ven's Never Land section, when Peter Pan takes the pirate ship from Smee, the camera position makes it look like he's, well...
Tom: Peter's getting in on dat ass!
- A small Running Gag in Ven's story when talking about the X-blade.
"Sometimes It's Pronounced KAI-blade!"
- Aqua's story. Snow White.
- This little bit from the last part of Birth By Sleep.
NTom: Surprise! I'm Psychotic!
Helldragon: Ventus is not here anymore! I am Stephanie!
- The running gag of Helldragon shouting "HENSHIN!" whenever Ven, Aqua, or Terra put on their armour, or summon their Keyblade Gliders.
- Maleficent's powers of minty fresh darkness, and the conversation about what other flavours darkness can be that follows. Helldragon mentions that he'll only give in to evil if it comes in black cherry lime flavour.
- Helldragon's obsession with Trinity Armour, and giving it attack names.
Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance
- "Whee; Companion Cube!" "Stop humping the Companion Cube!" (Ron and Tom, respectively)
- greatzombieron's threat to anyone who spoils "The Dark Knight" for him.
- "NTom64 does not condone pushing disabled people." (NTom64)
- "Ron does. Because it's fun." (greatzombieron)
- "I fantasize about... boobs. They're delicious." (greatzombieron)
Star Fox 64
Half Life 2
- Tom, Ron, and Tundraboy gunning down Metrocops while singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
- All of the moments listed here have culminated into a hilarious, very meta segment where NTom, greatzombieron, and IRTundraBoy spend nearly half an hour discussing their own trope page. Among other things, they discuss how IRTundraBoy's barely featured at all, and how most of the quotes listed have come from Helldragon.
- Of course, they're also quite willing to take a couple shots at us:
- Ron's impressions of Gabe Newell and Christopher Walken. Can overlap with Squick, due to what he said during the latter.
- Ron shooting Combine in the face while IRTundraBoy sings a little carnival tune. Made twice as hilarious when the combat fits the rhythm and when Ron turns to see a Combine soldier spazzing out in a door G-Mod style.
- When Tom is trying to stop a fan inside an air duct so he can pass by without being cut to shreds, he's supposed to use a metal shovel. A shoe almost works. Made funnier by the fact that if he didn't hesitate before trying to pass, it would have worked, seeing how long it stopped.
Poke Park Wii
Pokemon X and Y
- Tom and Helldragon's immense hatred for Shauna.
- Helldragon comparing the location where Tom gets his starter Pokemon to Junes from Persona 4.
- In part 4, while Tom saves the game...
- Helldragon: Due to a processing error, I have too many Eevees and they must go!
- When demonstrating the Wonder Trade system, one of the people Tom and Helldragon happen to trade with turns out to be Ash. Who promptly sends over a certain Pokemon that Helldragon adores...
Helldragon: WOBBAFETT! YES! FUCK YES! BEST TRADE! YOU WIN THE TOURNAMENT!
- Helldragon pointing out the Fridge Logic behind how a sleeping Snorlax doesn't make a bridge collapse beneath it. This somehow leads to Tom and Helldragon thinking that Snorlax eats the nearby townspeople.
- Tom and Helldragon's Gaming Brit impressions.
Tom (In a monotone voice)
: In order to gain access to the Metroid
mansion, you need to have completed the illustrious Metroid Prime
Helldragon (Also monotone): Further renowned for their gameplay and design as compared to Other M.
- Tom giving a tip to a wandering minstrel, much to Helldragon's dismay.
N-no, no, no! What are you doing?! No! He doesn't deserve a tip! That wasn't a song, that was like a five line poem! Veteran of the Psychic Wars
, get to it!
Tom: Helldragon, that's all the money he's ever made, okay?
- Also, during the famous fireworks scene:
- Helldragon, after asking Tom whether or not Nacho Libre is any good:
Tom: Apparently nothing, it fucking sucked.
Helldragon: Okay... Straight from the horse's mouth. You're a horse, right, I can use that reference?
Tom: "Tom, should I see Nacho Libre?" NEIGH.
- Pokemon The First Movie has the gag where Tom and Helldragon are also affected by Mewtwo pressing the Reset Button, causing them to forget doing the commentary in the first place.
- Also, this bit:
Helldragon: God, they weren't lying when they said that this was a storm.
Tom: They said it was only a light drizzle!
- In Anime/Pokemon2000, they decide that the main villain is a nerd trying to get the best Pokemon collection on the block, and mock his floating fortress made of styrofoam.
- Spell of the Unknown: "Stop watching Youtube and pay attention!"
- During the Pokémon 4Ever commentary, Helldragon nearly made Tom cry when he implied that Ash's Butterfree died shortly after leaving the show.
NTom: ...Fuck you, 4Kids!
Helldragon: Hahaha! I made someone cry.
NTom: Fuck you as well!
- Early on in the Jirachi Wish Maker commentary:
Helldragon: (singing) "I'm a cucumber! I'm a cucumber!"
- "I like puppies and kitties and cute things... a-and if you think I am a loser for thinking that, I will fucking cut your throat!" (Helldragon)
- Near the beginning of their Destiny Deoxys commentary, they decide that the entire movie is about scientists trying to cook a Deoxys egg:
Helldragon: Pokémon: The Quest for Breakfast.
NTom: Destiny Delicious.
Helldragon (Deoxys): Hey, I got a gift for you Rayquaza — it's called dying!
NTom (Rayquaza): But didn't you get me that last Christmas?
Helldragon (Deoxys): You are so hard to shop for!
- Lucario and the Mystery of Mew
- "The Waltz of the CGI." (Helldragon)
- Kidd accepting Brock's request to dance with him at the ball.
NTom: Oh wow, Brock actually scored for a change.
- This scene when Lucario jumps Ash:
NTom: That was the perfect opportunity! Why didn't you snap his neck? Another ten years of that fucking twat that can't win any tournaments!
- Helldragon wondering why Brock and Kidd are the only ones who bother to put on seatbelts. And then Tom's pun:
NTom: When Ash goes flying forward, he's going to hit a Brock.
- "Okay, chlorophyll does NOT work like this. I've watched The Magic School Bus, trust me." (Helldragon)
- Helldragon's hatred for Bonsly.
- Ash's Pokedex entry.
- At one point, Helldragon off-handily makes a joke about cutting off Max's limbs later:
NTom: what are you crying about, 'oh Max's limbs were so beautiful before I cut them off'.
- Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
- Throughout the riffs of all the other movies, N Tom and Helldragon keep making remarks about a scene that they refer to as "Super Saiyan Ash". When they finally reach the infamous scene, they make and endless number of Dragon Ball Z jokes.
- Pokemon: The Rise of Darkrai
- From the Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions stream, when FTA was relaying questions from the live chat to Tom (who was playing at the time):
FTA: "If you were in FTA's body, and FTA was in your body, what would you do?"
Tom: *In evil voice* "Initiate Self-Destruct."
- Mario Kart Wii, with IRTundraBoy:
Before entering a room, the two are following a (guest) player in a race:
Tom: How can he ride a bike? He has no feet!
Tom: Haha, look at that! You're immortalized for all time on the HellfireComms livestream. You are shit! You are shit! Look at you, FC Bayern!
- Another moment was when Tom was racing with a bunch of regular stream visitors. Right before the finish line, Tom was in third place. Cue a Bob-Omb appearing out of nowhere and right in front of him, putting him down to second to last. Tom was not amused, but the stream audience was.
- More shenanigans ensue in the second segment of the Shattered Dimensions playthrough:
: Danielnicholl says "Question: Would all three of you get into one huge porno
—" What is your obsession with us in a porno? Seriously. Tom:
It would be so hot, it would be past X-rated. Helldragon:
...What would the porno entail? Just three fat guys wishing they could have sex with someone?
- Sonic Adventure 2, with a triple-billnote of Tom, Gareth, and Stephen (SonicMovies):
- MANY hilarious moments ensue during the FTA's Super-de-Duper Sonic Stream
- From the Toy Story 2 Marathon stream.
- Tom's initial reaction to the FMV cut scenes
Tom: Oh no, movie clips, we're going to fucking jail.
- Tom's finally completing a particularly tricky swinging section.
Tom: Yes! Pancakes and blow jobs for all!
- What happens when Tom tells Helldragon to hold down the fort while he's making some tea.
Helldragon: Here, lemme fill you in on a little secret...I've already sold the fort to the French.
Tom (Turns his microphone back on): YOU BASTARD!
- Several quotes from their Pokepark 2 livestream are pretty good.
Helldragon: Give me a sinister hug! The most EVIL affection!
- In the Kingdom Hearts II livestream, when Ansem appears in a flashback.
NTom: Hey kids, it's Richard Epcar! Applause!
- His portrayal of DiZ being obsessed with World of Warcraft
NTom (as DiZ): *When Roxas tries to attack him but phases through* Ha ha! I turned myself into a World of Warcraft character!
- This bit from their 3DS Capture Card fundraising marathon in the Beyond Good and Evil part:
- Helldragon: NO! My fourty two fuck me lights! How did we fail, we had FORTY TWO fuck me lights!
- The Hellfirecomms: After Dark livestream. February 1st 2013. Everything was proceeding as normal, with a viewercount of about 30... until Stephen made a drunken promise that he would take a naked picture and upload it for all to see if the viewercount reached 200. It did. Hilarity ensued for hours. Unfortunately, it was deleted from the HFC Twitch video archive. Fortunately, some quotes were compiled on the TVTropes page, but were also understandably deleted.◊
- From the 100% run of Ratchet and Clank...
Tom: Just shave that fucking sphinx already.
Skyler: I had to shave it...
Sparanda: I'm confused.
Chill out. Shh... it's gonna be okay... zip...
Skyler: This'll just be our little secret. This is our special face, see? Mmm...
Stephen: [Laughing] What the fuck? What're you talking about?
- During the Disaster Report livestream, NPCs started getting matched to game designers they vaguely resembled, Tom, DigitalAlchemist, and Karto run with it. This leads to the entire plot being overridden at the end when "Sakurai" dies... including a break screen with an actual picture of Sakurai.
- During a Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance stream held by Cold Chaos, we had El Relámpago's ongoing quest to stop Desperado. Ending with a fistfight with a solar-powered Al Gore.
- "The soup IS the lubricant!" - Tom, 03/03/2013
- During a donations livestream, Ntom started up the Unleashed Project... in which when he got to Windmill Isle after restarting it, the game froze, prompting everyone to make jokes that Sonic was too fast for the stream.
- The stream chat is full of hilarity. Shenanigans are bound to had any day there is a stream, though sometimes it can get out of hand...
This chat is a vile hole of pedophilia and broom rape.
HFC: where half the stream is about rpg's and the other half is about eating people
- The First Ntom-o-thon: Tom had been awake for almost 24 hours straight, with multiple mods dropping in and out. There were a few laughs here and there... but then Smoovies showed up. Some highlights include:
I have another Youtube account where I make pornos out of game cutscenes. It's called Sonic Boobies.
Tom, let's make a suicide pact.
- The second Ntom-o-thon: Sonic Genesis. That is all.
- Anything to do with the HFC Dick Dock.
- David Cage64.
- During a stream of where Digi streamed The Oregon Trail 2, every time someone died in game, Digi thought up the most fucked up and over the top ways that everyone had died.
- Tom sang the Hoenn Pokerap during the Zeldathon. It was amazing. See for yourself: https://soundcloud.com/drsout/ntom64-hoenn-pokerap
- Donations in the Zeldathon were put towards choosing file names for each of the Zelda games played. The names started out fairly innocent (Link, Lunk, The Bort etc) but during The Wind Waker, "BITCH" received the most donations, which led to many hilarious moments in dialogue. The same name was also chosen for Phantom Hourglass.
- Though it wasn't on the main HFC Twitch Channel, Smoovies decided to stream Super Mario Galaxy... while high off his ass. What followed could only be described in one word: Hauppage.
- Smoovies also streamed The Sims 3, in which HFC members (and also Jason Griffith and Ellen Degeneres) were killed off one by one each night in a room with no door and a fireplace. In the end, Tom and The Helldragon did not burn, and moved into a mansion with a resurrected MexiricanBassMonkey. The stream was not archived by Twitch, and survives only through screencaps.
- During a game of Organ Trail digitalAlchemist shot Sonic_speed, a mod on the HFC Twitch channel, for dicking the muffler. Several months later Sweed, another mod and livestream co-commentator dicked 24 ammo and was immediately killed, everyone else survived. Muffler-dicking has become a running joke on the stream.
- While Spar was playing Tony Hawk's Underground, in Moscow he somehow Glitched an NPC skater to skate in the air SIDEWAYS!
- During a Stream of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door while talking about anime coming to Space Dandy Spar msays it's a ''Dandy'' anime, prompting fellow member RiddicTH to leave for how horrible it was.
- From Smash Saturday, we have THD/Helldragon commenting on De De De's voice.
Why does De De De
sound like a Cthullu monster from beyond the grave?
Why does Sakurai
sound like a Cthullu monster from beyond the grave?
Let's Play Space Quest V
- Helldragon's ways of coping with the real-time lightspeed travel. Mainly, cutting to footage of someone being murdered.
- The preview at the end of episode 7, with incoherent buzzing that loosely translates to:
- "Okay, we're safe as long as they don't draw a sprite for the Goliath turning around."
The HFC Disneython (2013)
- Aladdin with Digi and Sparanda:
- The guys crack jokes at Aladdin's pants having been stolen from MC Hammer, leading to this quip at the end which leaves all three in hysterics:
Digi: And then Jasmine looked at the pants and she uttered the magical words that Aladdin had always wanted to hear: "You CAN touch this!"
Tom: "It's hammer time!" would have also worked.
- Whenever the guys start singing in the sequel.
- Honey, I Shrunk the Kids with Brainscratch Commentaries:
- While Wayne tests out the shrink ray with an apple, Lewis jokes about his head accidentally getting hit with it, only to realize how horrific the joke really is and that it would have bumped the rating up to an R. The guys suggest an alternate title for the film would be "Honey I blew up my head."
- After the base ball reprograms to shrink ray to work, the guys come to the conclusion that the shrink ray was an evil mastermind and that shrinking the kids was all part of his plan.
- When Wayne gets rid of the shrink ray:
Johnny: The laser sends him a death threat later on: "I have your kids...and your couch!"
Johnny, Ryan, and Ted (in unison): Not my couch!
- When the kid with the lawn mower shows up Tom remarks "Mr Fuck it up comes to town." The guys immediately start questioning whether or not Mr. Fuck it up is a smash Bros character leading to some hilarious speculation.
- A Goofy movie:
- Beauty and The Beast:
- The guys fangasming over Gaston's song. It must be heard to believe.
- Speaking of fangasming, MBM and Drazor having to calm Tom down after he gets excited when Tony Jay pops up.
- When Tale As Old As Time is just about to begin, Drazor suggests that Xaldin was about to appear. MBM tells him off not to bring his "anime bullshit" into the movie and ruin the scene.
- Remember, Gaston rhymes with N Tom.
- The Running Gag throughout that Maurice actually invented the very first set of Iron Man armor.
- The Santa Clause:
- While discussing the Conspicuous CG reindeer, they get curious to the budget of the film and discover that it was $22 million. Ted theorizes that about a quarter of that went to Tim Allen's paycheck and Tom states that Tim could wipe his ass with $22 million.
- James and the Giant Peach:
Super Mario Sunshine (2014)
NTom64: Arbitrary things floating in mid-air is kinda Mario's forte, mate.
Sparanda: That's a good point, Tom.
Although, to uh, give it a bit of meaning these also return in Galaxy 2 I think and my main problem with them I mean the mission's done now but fuck it I'm gunna carry on talking 'cause this is MY SHOW AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.
— During a FLUDD-less platforming level.
- The fact that this is the first non-livestream playthrough to feature live commentary, which is bound to lead to some hilarious moments.
- Tom and Digi hoping that Jason doesn't die in the beginning of the game.
- When Ethan is playing with Jason:
NTom64 (While sword-fighting with Jason):
Jason, you can't parry to save your life! You play Revengeance
- During the aformentioned sword-fight, Digi says that he's picturing Battle Without Honor or Humanity playing in the background.
- While Lauren talks about her son, Tom has Scott turned away from her as he and Digi become fascinated by certain parts of the room.
NTom64: Man, these are some nice oranges!
DigitalAlchemist: That lampshade's looking pretty good.
- When Tom points out how Scott has asthma:
DigitalAlchemist: Finally, a game character I can relate with!
- While Scott fights Troy:
NTom64 (As Scott): Bleh, whatever, I'm gonna go smoke. "But I thought you quit." I'm taking it up again, I'm too old for this shit, et cetera.
- After Jayden finishes up investigating a crime scene:
What, you mean you're just gonna leave that mutant stuff behind? There could be, you know, turtles in that sewer
NTom64: (Laughs) That was amazing!
DigitalAlchemist: Just flipped off a car.
NTom64: I'm so easily impressed, that's probably why we're playing these games.
- As Jayden heads back to his car:
NTom64: Well, that was both successful, and highly embarrassing. I'm gonna quit the FBI and open a bakery or something. Heavy Raisins, that's what I think I'll call it.
NTom64: (Slams his controller down) That is the sound of one who is done!
- When Tom is first given control of Ethan at the playground, his first action is to attempt to leave Shaun behind and exit the area.
NTom64: Welp, see ya Shaun. I tried.
- Ethan playing with Shaun at the playground also provides a gold-mine of moments:
DigitalAlchemist: Or is he on a minecart track trying to outrun a train?
- When Ethan first pushes Shaun on the merry-go-round, Tom forgets about the different button-prompts, making him accidentally fail the QTE and cause Shaun to sit on the slowly spinning merry-go-round with a disappointed look on his face.
- And when Tom tries the QTE again, he does it correctly, causing him and Digi to joke about Ethan using the merry-go-round to go back in time.
NTom64: I'll get Jason back one way or another! Nerrrow! 1990, 1980, 1970, 10 A.D., hey Jesus! Year 0!
DigitalAlchemist: It's your kids, Ethan! It's about your kids!
Both: YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOME SERIOUS SHIT!
- When Tom fails the swing-set QTE and causes Shaun to sulk some more:
NTom64: N-no, there's more frivolities over here. Come on...
NTom64: LOVE ME SHAUN! LOVE ME!!!
- Tom opening up the part with a Knightmare inspired narration.
NTom64: Welcome, watchers of illusion, to the playthrough of confusion! our dungeoneer and his team have made it to the second recording session, but can they make it to the end of the game and reclaim that which is lost? Timeout is gone, the pretention goes on.
- Immediately followed by Digi's reaction as he was expecting something, but not that.
DigitalAlchemist: Segues, you just can't beat them. Sublime timing.
(Just as Jayden is putting on his ARI sunglasses) You're just gonna have to deal with it
DigitalAlchemist: Oh, for fuck's sake...
- When given the first choice of whether to take the Triptocaine, or Tripto for short:
- After Grace asks if it was the Origami Killer who kidnapped Shaun:
NTom64: They think it's the Irregular Killer. What do you think?
- Tom guessing why there's a bag of crisps spilled on the floor of the grocery store:
Maybe some freedom loving American just couldn't hide it anymore, and proclaimed: "Yeehaw, I love the US-of-A!
" and just tore them and threw them upon the floor.
- When the robber enters the grocery store:
Digi: I'm looking for the FUCKING FREDDOS MATE!
NTom64: They're right there! They're just called Chocolate Frog.
Digi: Fine, just put them in the bag!
- Censoring Madison's shower with David Cage's face.
- The first time they see a moving shadow in Madison's apartment:
- In Madison's apartment, when the fridge is seen wide open, Digi guesses that it's the robber from the grocery store.
- When Ethan drives away from his house:
NTom64: And away we go.
NTom64: Jesus dude, give me fair warning!
- During the Jason sequence in the train station:
Jason, who is right in front of Ethan, teleports away.
NTom64: Oh, for fuck's sake.
- While picking from medicine in the cabinet, Tom chooses antibiotics. To heal a broken rib.
- When Ethan knocks on Brad's door:
NTom64: Knock knock, murder delivery!
- As Ethan corners Brad:
NTom64: Make your decision, Digi, before it comes up.
Digi: *Gibberish, which then turns into laughter*
NTom64: TIME'S UP! *Shoots Brad*
- At Baker's house, Tom has Madison refuse to drink, but she gets one anyway. When Baker asks if she's going to drink, Tom tries to refuse, but accidentally presses yes.
- As Madison frees herself from the table as Baker comes back:
- The entirety of the Sonic and the Secret Rings run where a hilariously in-character Erazor Djinn roleplayer in chat harasses Tom and DigitalAlchemist, and their responses to it.
- All of the donation messages that are in the forum of an old-time news broadcast.
- Cream the Rabbi, to the point where fan art was created of it.
- One evening, there was a stream raid due to ProtonJon just finishing his stream for the night. All of the raiders kept yelling "SNAKE!" due to Jon's alarm for the end of the stream being Otacon screaming such.
- Later becomes a Heartwarming moment as many of the raiders not only stays and increased viewer count, but also donated quite a bit as well.
- The additions made by the guest commentators/players from BrainScratch Commentaries, one of the best being the playing of Drunkard!Mighty and "The People's Champion" Bomb, both played up before the Knuckles Chaotix playthrough in which it happened.
Mighty (Johnny): What do you mean, you have to go to the bathroom, you just went!
Bomb (Ted): Well, I can't help it, man, I've got explosive diarrhea. ...Get it?
Mighty (Johnny): BOMB, YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK.
- And of course, this nugget during Amazing Arena.
Johnny: (cont.) ...and if you don't have the Chaos Rings at that point in time, well y'know, there goes your only chance to get the Chaos Rings, because this explosive asshole who's always late with the rent...doesn't want to give you your rings.
Bomb (Ted): I said I'd make it up next month, dude—
Mighty (Johnny): Shut up and buy me a beer.
- Pretty much any time one of the commentators offers to sing as a donation incentive. Examples include Riddic singing Escape From the City, Donnie singing Pumpkin Hill, and of course Tom singing the SonicX opening.
- Eventually reaches its peak when Helldragon sings the Sonic Sat AM theme song.
- Local Fox ruins everything!
Super Mario Galaxy
- "The last thing I need is for you Lewis to speak gangsta."
- The Gaming Brit singing Escape from the City in his Sonic Generations review.
- "Ah! Old man! Leave me alone! I told you last night 'No'! I'm going to file a restraining order!" (RandomDCE)
- Any of DCE's impressions count here.
- From the Sonic and the Black Knight playthrough:
're like, "It's Sonic, it needs to have [r]ings!
NTom: It's li— did you just say "wings"?
NTom: YOU BASTARD-MAN. WHY DO YOU BRING THIS HATE INTO THE PLAYTHROUGH?!
- Earlier from the same video: "That's 'cause you're a BITCH!" (NTom)
- And of course:
Now, I will say, he's definitely not in the game; Robotnik — you know, Merlina's not, at the last second, gonna, like, pull off a face and it's Robotnik wearing a dress
FTA: That would have been the greatest thing ever...! -laughs-
- "Oh god, I feel DeviantArt clicking as we speak." (NTom)
FTA: *LOLs* Oh Christ almighty! "What's a nice sword like you doing in a place like this?" *cracks up again*
Tom: "Mm, you're a studly piece of metal." *laughs*
FTA: That's hilarious. This game's dirtier than 06!
- From the (now-removed) Sonic and the Secret Rings playthrough, when Tom calls FTA out:
NTom: ...STOP FUCKING MAKING FUN OF ME!
- Tom's dramatic reading of the of the first chapter of Twilight. All of it. DCE certainly helps.
- Also Tom: Do you realise you've just spent the first two pages describing A FUCKING CAR!?
- Speaking of dramatic readings, the entirety of My Immortal.
- The entirety of the SharkBoy & LavaGirl commentary (and the loss of sanity within), but some moments stick out:
Helldragon: George Lopez has fucking snapped, and he's gonna kill me! "I know everything, and you know nothing, little bitches!"
NTom: Remember where we parked LavaGirl.
- Every single moment of the Harlem Globetrotters Meet Snow White commentary.
- The first "HellfireComms Versus"; in a nutshell: NTom and Helldragon. Battleship. Hilarity Ensues.
- Several moments in the Dragonball Evolution commentary; near the end at one point, Tom bursts into high-pitched, hysterical laughter at the stupidity of the movie.
Helldragon: Whitest movie ever!
- This line from the Ben 10 live action movie. Let's just say the reason why the line came up was because the Big Bad of the film wants Ben.
- In the L.A. Noire special, they go nuts with Phelps' Alternative Character Interpretation to funny levels.
*After Phelp's police cap gets knocked off* That was my Power Limiter
, now it's time to turn into Super Phelps!
- During NTom's stream of Sonic 06, whenever a cutscene comes up, he starts playing Sonic 2 for the Game Gear.
- In the "How NOT To Do A Playthrough" Podcast, Tom makes two Take Thats to Helldragon.
People don't ramble on unless they're nervous (beat) or Helldragon.
- And then at the end of the Podcast...
Tom: Yes, they can be assholes somethimes, but look at Helldragon, even assholes can have points sometimes.
- This quick moment.
Tom: Be right back.
Reyson129: Insert 9 month hiatus here.
- During the final days of Mario Kart...
Tom: Adolf Hitler beat me.
Spar: I'm sorry.
Tom: Literally the worst thing he's ever done.