Characters / The Inbetweeners: The Lads

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The Lads

In General

From left to right; Will, Neil, Jay, and Simon.

• All Men Are Perverts: Sex is their prime objective in just about every episode.
• Anti-Hero: Each of the four leads is some combination of an idiot and an asshole, though they all also have their occasional moments of kindness.
• Butt-Monkey: Every episode ends with one or all of the boys utterly humiliated.
• Cannot Talk to Women: With the exception of Neil, whose idiocy still turns off most women, all of the boys become tongue-tied when speaking to girls. For all his awkwardness, Will actually tends to fare the best in this department out of himself, Simon and Jay.
• Childhood Friends: Neil, Simon and Jay have known each other for ten years by the start of the series.
• Comic Trio: Prior to Will entering the picture, Jay was the clueless leader, Neil was the dumb follower, and Simon was the ignored voice of reason. After Will joins the group, he and Simon alternate between being the voice of reason, and occasionally double up on the position.
• Did Not Get the Girl: Happens almost Once per Episode, although there's some rare exceptions.
• Everyone Has Standards: Given the setting and that they're all quite young, it makes sense that morality isn't really the theme of the show, but all four of them show they have lines they won't cross.
  • When Jay immediately sells Will out to Donovan, Simon and Neil (who is his best friend and goes along with pretty much everything he says and does) glare in disbelief at him.
  • All of them are horrified when Neil is forced to punch a fish to death.
  • In the finale, all of them are visibly concerned when it's hinted that Jay is a victim of sexual abuse.
  • Jay and Simon, despite the fallout they have with Will, are upset for him when Charlotte humiliates him in front of most of their class.
  • Even Neil does occasionally doubt some of Jay's more outlandish claims, especially when his story changes the second it actually starts to become serious.
  • Zigzagged with Paedo Kennedy. None of them like him and his visit to their room is quite disturbing, but at the same time, they allow him to get close to Neil for the benefit of free alcohol. Will in particular is initially against this, but reluctantly goes along with it.
  • None of them, not even Jay, would consider dating a girl too much younger than them. They are all horrified when the girls they approach turn out to be thirteen (though considering they were smoking and drinking and they couldn't see them from the front, it wasn't really their fault).
• Failure Is the Only Option: If anything good ever happens or seems to be happening to one of them, expect it to be ripped away by the end of the episode or later in the series, either by their own idiocy or the meddling of the other three.
• Four-Man Band:
  • Everyman Simon is the Only Sane Man.
  • Posh Will is The Smart Guy.
  • Pervy Jay is the Casanova Wannabe.
  • Ditzy Neil is the Butt-Monkey.
• Four-Temperament Ensemble:
  • Straight-laced and boring Will is Melancholic.
  • Hot-headed romantic Simon is Sanguine.
  • Cheeky motor-mouth Jay is Choleric.
  • Dim-witted but easy-going Neil is Phlegmatic.
• The Friends Who Never Hang: Neil and Simon rarely interact without at least one of the other two around to act as a buffer. This is subtly lampshaded in "Exam Time", where they're left alone in a bar together after Jay steps out to be with his girlfriend. By the time the narrative returns to them, they're shown standing in awkward silence in the exact same spot they were last seen in, implying that the conversation died as soon as it was just the two of them.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: They collectively qualify as a four-way example, if only because no one else wants to hang out with them. In particular, the duos of Will and Simon and Jay and Neil are presented as being closer to each other than they are with the other two.
• Hormone-Addled Teenager: All four boys tend to think with their dicks. Even the relatively sensible Will and Simon will do the dumbest things imaginable if they think it could get them laid.
• Idiot Hero: While Will is sensible and has book smarts, he's also cripplingly inept socially. The other three don't even have that going for them.
• It's All About Me: All four of them are quite conceited and have a tendency to ignore the feelings of others when speaking or making decisions. Very much justified, as they're a bunch of teenage boys, who are famously self-involved.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: As rude as they can be, the boys aren't deliberately bad people, and are shown to care about each other fairly regularly.
• Likes Older Women: Will's love interests tend to be older than him. Neil has tried to kiss his biology teacher and had sex with several women decades older than himself. Jay tried to get a blowjob from an old lady. And of course, there's the standard reaction to Will's mum.
• Limited Social Circle: Barring the rare occasions when one of them has a girlfriend or when they begrudge Big John's desire to hang out, they have no other friends outside of each other. In fact, when Jay starts to get on with a guy outside of the group, the other three immediately begin mocking him for it until he gives in and lights the budding friendship aflame.
• Loser Protagonist: They're all pretty pathetic, to the point where their status as social outcasts isn't hard to believe. Simon often comes off as somewhat more well-adjusted, but his frequent desperation often causes whatever coolness he has to dissipate when he needs it most.
• Naked People Are Funny: Whether it be because their clothes were soiled, a chance at sex backfired at the last minute or they were pranked, expect somebody to be starkers for a laugh.
• Politically Incorrect Hero: Their go-to insults tend to be calling each other gay.
• Rag Tag Bunch Of Misfits: A group of four lads consisting of a posh nerd with No Social Skills and a tendency to either snark at everything or put his foot in it, a hopeless romantic with such a single-minded crush on one girl that he utterly fails to pick up on when other women are into him, a Know-Nothing Know-It-All with a penchant for Blatant Lies, with particular attention paid to exaggerating his experience with women, and an idiot with poor personal hygiene.
• Sanity Ball: While the ball is most often held by either Will (the most logical and morally upright one of the group) or Simon (the least eccentric one of the group), in rare instances, Jay (the most likely one of the group to call out Will and Simon for their personality flaws) or Neil (the only one of the group who doesn't allow himself to be weighed down by self-consciousness) can also get a hold of it.
• Sitcom Character Archetypes: Fit into a few of these nicely.
  • Simon is The Square, as the Straight Man of the group. He's a nice guy who tends to get pushed around by everyone and bullied into going along with whatever zany plan the group has that episode, usually to his downfall.
  • Will is The Wisecracker, a snarky guy who has too much of a smart mouth for his own good. His tendency to gloat and go on rants at inopportune times gets him in trouble.
  • Will is also The Dork, as an awkward, overly polite and formal posh guy.
  • Jay is The Bully, as an arrogant braggart who pushes all his friends around to the best of his ability. He's frequently mean and insensitive to them.
  • Neil is The Goofball, an affable dumb guy who's barely aware of what's going on around him. Often goes on little adventures on his own without the group.
• Slobs Versus Snobs: Posh brown-noser Will and cheeky chav Jay tend to butt heads the most often among the group.
• Tall Poppy Syndrome: If one of them has anything positive happen to them, expect the other three, deliberately or not, to sabotage it.
• Technical Virgin: Despite their shared obsession with losing their virginities throughout the series, all four of them have managed to engage in some form of sexual contact with a woman at least once.
• True Companions: Despite constantly insulting each other, they do tend to rally around each other, particularly after bad breakups.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Will, Jay and Simon are all varying degrees of Jerkasses and Neil is a blundering idiot. While it isn't hard to feel for them at times, it's much more difficult to argue that they don't usually bring it on themselves. At the end of the day, though, the audience still holds some level of empathy for them, since everybody can relate to having been a stupid, selfish teenager at one point or another.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: They spend about 90% of their time snarking at each other, but when the chips are down, they all rally around each other.

Will McKenzie

William "Will" McKenzie

...I'm the worst human being in the world.

Played by: Simon Bird

The Narrator. A prep school ponce who has been forced to enter the public educational system following the divorce of his parents. Will wants more than anything to have an enriching high school experience, but is instead condemned to a life of public humiliation and social ostracization due to a combination of his witless new friends, his raging sense of entitlement, and his general ineptness.

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• Affectionate Nickname: His mum calls him "Petal".
• Audience Surrogate: In the early episodes, he's the newest student at Rudge Park, so his narration introduces the audience to life at the school.
• Berserk Button:
  • In any situation where he perceives unfair treatment, he tends to overreact. It always backfires.
  • Hypocrisy is another one - for instance, in the second movie, Katie repeatedly talks about how "spiritual" she is, but then succumbs to base instincts of hooking up with arrogant, unpleasant ex Ben, even though she doesn't even like him. Will explodes with a "The Reason You Suck" Speech at both of them.
• Blind Without 'Em: When he temporarily loses his glasses in the first movie, he finds that he can't see in the dark and accidentally trips over Nikos having sex with another woman.
• Book Smart: Will is a very good student and seems to be naturally bright in general (although he literally shits himself when it comes to exams), but is still quite clueless about how the real world works. While he's the most likely of the lads to doubt Jay's crazy stories, his lack of experience with the opposite sex almost always prevents him from completely disregarding them.
• Bring My Brown Pants: As a result of nerves and too many energy drinks, he shits himself during an exam.
• Butt-Monkey: Isolating himself on his first day in a new school, shitting himself in an exam, being bullied by Donovan, being mocked for having a briefcase. Will doesn't have the best of luck.
• Camp Straight: He's rather effeminate but just as obsessed with the opposite sex as his friends are.
• Carpet of Virility:
  • Subverted. He's got a very hairy chest in the first series, but he's not exactly manly. After that, he's either shaved or waxed it, as he appears with a hairless chest in any Shirtless Scene.
  • Lampshaded in the commentary for one of the early episodes; the cast mention no 16-year-old would have that much chest hair, which is why this is averted in all episodes after.
• Character Catchphrase: "Hi! I'm Will."
• Chivalrous Pervert: Sometimes. While he is keen to have sex, he has qualms about taking advantage of a girl he's not really all that interested in or having sex in a crowded hostel with a girl who's had too much to drink.
• The Comically Serious: Tries to keep a stiff upper lip when he can, but is always dragged into humiliating situations.
• The Complainer Is Always Wrong: Anytime he raises an objection (moral and otherwise), he gets shot down by others, even when he's right. Especially when he's right.
• Covert Pervert: While he usually rolls his eyes at Jay's obsession with sex, he proves time and time again to be a sucker for a pretty face, and often admits in his narration that he'd likely do the same whenever one of his friends does something stupid to impress a girl.
• Cunning Linguist: Is the only member of the group that has any knowledge of any language other than English (as shown by his conversation in French with Patrice). Downplayed, though, as he doesn't find himself in any other situations where other languages are needed (if he knows any) and justified in that he's probably studying French for his A levels.
• Cursed with Awesome: In the narration, Will admits that even though he's permanently stuck with the infamy of shitting himself during an exam, he's free from social awkwardness as he can never do anything as embarrassing as that.
• Deadpan Snarker: Particularly in the narrations. In fact, it's what women find most attractive in him.
• Decoy Protagonist: Arguably; while Will is The Narrator, it's generally Simon whose romantic relationships take centre stage within the plot.
• Digging Yourself Deeper: Has a tendency to keep going off on tirades long after he should have stopped, most notably in his rebuffing of Kerri.
  • The mechanics at the garage are reasonably friendly towards him... until Will starts telling them he's "too clever" for their job.
  • In the movie, after he found out he'd taken a disabled girl's seat, he continued arguing even though you could tell even he wasn't really on his own side anymore.
  • He also tends to cause many of his own problems with Mr. Gilbert by acting snotty, entitled, toadying and cleverer-than-thou with him, failing to realise that he's neither as smart and mature as he thinks nor that Gilbert is utterly unimpressed by him until it's too late.
• Disappeared Dad: His father leaves his mother prior to the start of the series, meaning that she can no longer afford to send him to the private school he was attending previously, forcing him to go to Rudge Park. He doesn't make an appearance until the first movie.
• Does Not Like Guns: In the second movie's ending, the rest of the lads fire off a few rounds at a Laotian gun range. Will declines to participate.
• Dogged Nice Guy: He gets very annoyed when Oneshot Character Lauren prefers Simon over him.
• Embarrassing Nickname: "Briefcase Wanker" (or some variation thereof) until the time he shits himself.
• Establishing Character Moment: In the very first episode, we see his overall social status and mistreatment by everyone from teachers to classmates. But his very first interaction on the show also features him saying the wrong thing to Mr. Gilbert, then later insulting Gilbert in front of the entire class, showcasing his socially awkward qualities.
• The Face: At the very least tries to be this for his friend group. While not socially adept by any means, he's extraverted and has the strongest understanding of cultural mores of his friends. Whenever a situation is starting to look bad, he steps in and attempts to reason with the opposing party. Unfortunately, his natural smarminess usually only succeeds in pissing off the people he's trying to talk down even more.
• Fatal Flaw:
  • Will is terrible at resisting peer pressure - most of the mishaps that happen to him over the series are because he goes along with what his friends are doing against his better judgement.
  • Also, as Will himself lampshades, he will do anything to impress a girl he fancies. This bites him in the ass over and over again.
  • And his stubbornness; when he's riled up or hard-done-by, he just refuses to back down on an argument and keeps Digging Himself Deeper long after the point where he should have gracefully backed off has passed.
• Fish out of Water: The beginning of the series sees him transplanted from a posh private school to a state-run secondary school, making him stand out amongst everyone else.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Along with Jay, he tends to fall into this the most. In the first episode, the other three are extremely reluctant to hang out with him and see him as a loser (Simon only being obligated as his guide). While they do show that they care about Will later on, they are often frustrated by his straight-laced attitude.
• Genius Book Club: Fancies himself an intellectual, and in an episode where's he's stuck with the less brainy Neil and Jay, is shown reading the famously unreadable James Joyce while they talk.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Tends to go off into a massive rant at relatively minor things such as people taking the front seats on a roller coaster, being denied alcohol or being assumed to be in a relationship with a girl he has no interest in.
• Has a Type:
  • Most of the women he has been attracted to over the series and movies - Charlotte, Lauren, Alison and Katie - have been blonde. Katie and Alison look similar enough that some fans mistook their actresses for the same person.
  • In addition to this, with the exception of Lauren, these women are portrayed as sexually confident, often speaking frankly on the subject.
• The Heart: He's the most morally-upstanding person of the group and tries to rein in their wilder activities, but he almost always succumbs to peer pressure anyway.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: Due to being the most reasonable members of the group, Will and Simon bond relatively quickly. By series 3, he openly calls Simon his best friend in the narration.
• Hidden Depths: You wouldn't expect a ninny like him to be a roller coaster buff, would you? Though in keeping with character, he gets queasy and frightened when he actually gets around to riding the things.
• Hot-Blooded: It doesn't take much to send him off on passionate screaming rants.
• Huge Girl, Tiny Guy: Briefly served as the tiny guy to Kerry's huge girl in "Will's Dilemma". Will is on the short side in general, but looks downright puny when opposite Huge Schoolgirl Kerry. His uncomfortability with their height difference is one of the primary things that makes him want out of their relationship.
• Implausible Deniability: Defied. After shitting himself in an exam, he instead chooses to accept what happened instead of denying it or covering it up. Nobody will ever forget how he shat himself in front of the school and nobody will stop reminding him of it, so he just accepts his title as "the guy who shat himself in an exam". In the narration, he admits that he's now free from peer pressure and social convention because he's at the very bottom of the social totem pole and will never leave that position for the rest of his school year.
• Jerkass Has a Point:
  • Will isn't actually wrong when he points out that the Fashion Show is no more than a glorified popularity contest, though that doesn't stop him from throwing his objections out of the window when Charlotte asks him to take part with her.
  • Similarly, he's right to claim that he shouldn't be obligated to date Kerry simply because others want him to. Even after he learns that her dad recently died, he correctly asserts that him feeling sorry for her isn't any more of a reason for them to be in a relationship. He goes about saying all this in the worst, most inconsiderate way possible, but none of it is actually wrong.
  • In the first movie, he's technically correct when he says a girl in a wheelchair doesn't really need her own sun lounger, and that her family aren't automatically entitled to poolside seats just because she has a disability, but even Will himself obviously realises as he says so that you can't just say that out loud.
  • Likewise, it was pretty inconsiderate of the Down's Syndrome kids to cut in front of him in a queue he'd been in for hours, then refuse to move. He probably didn't need to call them "arseholes", but he had every right to be annoyed.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's often petty and shallow, and has a terrible temper, but he cares about his friends when push comes to shove and generally always tries to do the right thing, only for it to inevitably go horribly wrong.
• Kavorka Man: While he's not unattractive, he's not handsome by any means, dresses like a ninny and acts as an awkward stick in the mud at all times. Despite this, several attractive girls have shown interest in him. Even though he can be witty and even charming at times, it's through these flaws (i.e his inexperience and occasional obsequiousness) that he ends up losing them.
• Knight in Sour Armor: Will is incredibly snarky and pessimistic, but he also has high moral standards that compel him to always try to do the right thing even when it isn't to his benefit. He is almost never rewarded for this behavior (in fact, he's more often than not punished for it) and frequently chides himself for it in his narration, but sticks with his convictions and does it regardless.
• Large Ham: He goes off on an overly dramatic tirade at least Once per Episode.
• Like Father, Like Son: The Movie reveals that hot women are attracted to Will's dad as well.
• Likes Older Women: Though this is obviously downplayed compared to Neil, he has consistently shown interest in older women; Charlotte is in the year above him and his former babysitter Daisy is old enough to be in university while he's in high school.
• Liquid Courage: His fear of authority figures diminishes when he's had a few, especially if his mates have been egging him on or belittling him for his normally straight-laced behaviour.
• Loony Friends Improve Your Personality: Although he is the most straight-laced of the four, he gradually shows that he is capable of having fun with them.
• Momma's Boy: Oh yes. He even admits that after Charlotte dumps him, he's going home to cry to his mum.
• Motor Mouth: When he goes off on a rant, his pattern of speech tends to speed up.
• The Narrator: He narrates the series and the two movies, snarkily. Some of his best one-liners occur during the narrations.
• Neat Freak: Problematic, since his other three friends are Guys are Slobs.
• Nerds Are Virgins: He's quite socially awkward, especially with women, so he has yet to have sex. Then again, neither have Jay and Simon, at least before the first movie. The money is on Will having also popped his cherry by the end of that film, despite a throwaway joke at his expense in the sequel.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Noted in one of the TV specials; Will tends to be the moral compass of the group and rarely sets out to do anything bad. It's just that his attempts at doing the right thing generally backfire.
• Non-Action Guy: He can't even drive.
• Normal Fish in a Tiny Pond: His private school background and general fussiness cause him to seem quite bright when opposite the other three, but he proves to be just as much of an idiot as they are time and time again. In the series 3 finale, Simon actually calls him out on this; claiming that the only thing separating him from Jay and Neil is his posh accent.
• Not So Above It All: While he generally attempts to behave more grounded and rationally-minded than most of his friends and is clearly more responsible in the majority of situations, there are several incidents that prove he is effectively capable of the same level of thoughtlessness and ineptitude. Most evident when he's left home alone, he eventually joins in with the lads in destroying daffodils after a few cans.
• No Social Skills: He can be awkward around people and is often tactless in situations where he should know when to stop. Highlights include trying to dump Kerry because he's not into her not knowing her father had recently died and insulting a group of kids with Down Syndrome.
• Obsessed Are the Listmakers: He makes a study plan that takes several days to make.
• Of Course I'm Not a Virgin: Blunders it with Charlotte, telling her that he slept with an 11-year-old when he was 13. She figures out that he's a virgin during his attempts to have sex with her and, thus, ruins his chances with her. Subverted in the first movie when he's honest with Alison about being a virgin. She doesn't think any less of him for it.
• Once Done, Never Forgotten: Shitting himself in an exam. A minor Running Gag in series 3 has new characters refer to the incident.
• Only Sane Man: While not quite as normal as Simon is, he's easily the smartest and most responsible member of the group, and so often assumes this role; particularly whenever Simon becomes too obsessed with Carli to maintain it.
• Parental Abandonment: His dad ran off with a girl whom Will describes as having only left school four years earlier. Will doesn't even get invited to the wedding.
• Professional Butt-Kisser: Will has a tendency to suck up to authority figures he's trying to impress, or Katie's friends in the second movie. People tend not to be endeared by his smarmy mannerisms, especially Mr. Gilbert.
• Riches to Rags: His family was once rich enough that his dad got his own assistant and he could go to a posh private school. That all changed when his parents split and his poorer mum got custody. Will having to go from a rich school to a public one drives much of his trouble in the series.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gives a blistering one to Katie and Ben in the second movie.
• Sanity Slippage: When it comes to exams, he gets himself so worked up that he resorts to subsisting on energy drinks, which has two major effects on him; A. He can't sleep and B. He ends up shitting himself during his final exam. When the whole ordeal is done and he completes his exam, he turns up to the pub in his school uniform, minus the trousers, instead wearing an old tracksuit pants from lost property and carrying his soiled clothes in a plastic bag. When the other lads ask him if he's gone mad, he replies that he quite possibly has.
• Self-Deprecation: While he's generally very smug and self-righteous, his narration often includes barbs at his own expense. He describes his friend group collectively as "four idiots", meaning that he counts himself among them.
• Shorter Means Smarter: He's the shortest of the four, and generally comes off as the smartest.
• Silly Walk: Generally moves with what can only be described as a stiff waddle. He's apparently done it since he was little.
• The Smart Guy: Played With in that while he's more sensible than the other three, he has a crippling lack of anything resembling street smarts.
• Socially Awkward Hero: He could be interpreted as this as he has undertaken some misguided deeds that express his ultimate lack of understanding of certain societal norms. Such as:
  • Vocally complaining when a group of people were seated at the front of a ride he and his friends had specifically queued for, only to find out said people were obliged to take this space in the ride as they were disabled.
    • Somewhat justified, in that he had no knowledge of their disability, having never previously seen these people, and he also showed extreme remorse for these actions.
  • Impulsively placing a wig in his underwear during a date with an older woman, after a prank leads to his own pubic hair being removed, causing further embarrassment for him.
  • Attempting to amiably break off an effectively one-sided relationship with a girl he was never attracted to, only to create a scene during his friend's birthday party.
    • This was partly the girl's fault; she had manipulatively claimed that Will attempted to have sex with her, prior to breaking off the "relationship".
  • Becoming the subject of abuse after making several pretentious, patronising but ultimately not malicious claims towards a group of garage workers he would be employed by during his work experience.
  • Claiming to have engaged in several sexual encounters in order to secure his relationship with a slightly older, promiscuous girl, only to face more severe humiliation when his lack of sexual experience is evidenced.
  • Making wild claims of said girl's opinion of him and an extreme exaggeration of their "relationship" to avoid being further abused by the aforementioned group of mechanics.
• Sophisticated as Hell: He has a more advanced vocabulary than pretty much anyone else in the show, but he's not above a Cluster F-Bomb when he gets angry.
• Stereotypical Nerd: His general appearance (slight of build, overly formal dress, and glasses) and standing as The Smart Guy of the group paint him like this. He is also socially awkward, especially around women, and can be rather tactless.
• Stopped Caring: After shitting himself during his exam, he admits that he's now free from peer pressure and proving himself to other people because he's now at the very bottom in terms of popularity and there's nothing he can do to change it since he's immortalized as the guy who shit himself during an exam.
• Sucks at Dancing: As his performance in the fashion show and at the club in the movie can attest. He seems to think that galloping counts as a dance.
• Suddenly Always Knew That: There's no hint of him having any musical inclination or ability until the second movie, where it's established he can play the guitar. He explains that he picked it up due to spending lots of time alone at uni, which, from what we see, is very believable.
• Supporting Protagonist: Although he is the main character and narrator of the series, Simon receives more focus in terms of relationships (notably his obsession with Carli and his plot with Lucy) and the focus of the final episode of the TV series (where he's supposed to move away).
• Surrounded by Idiots: He is academically more knowledgeable than his three friends and usually more grounded, uptight, and sensible than them (other than possibly Simon, as the voice of relative sanity alternates between the two characters depending on the situation). While he has his own moments of tactlessness, he is generally among the most rationally-minded and logical of characters in the series.
• Too Clever by Half: He tends to be tripped up by this trope. While not a genius, he probably is one of the smarter students at the school — and knows it. As such, he tends to approach everyone with a rather condescending air of superiority which never fails to get people's backs up, while at the same time not being quite as smart as he thinks, which usually leads to humiliation on his part.
  • This is also what appears to cause many of his problems with Mr. Gilbert, as Will's tendency to act cleverer and more mature than he is gets right up the teacher's nose. For example, it's hinted that Mr. Gilbert would actually have been quite willing to correct the error in work experience placements that saw Will sent to the garage had Will not pointed out the error in a rather snotty and high-handed manner. In this sense, much of Gilbert's jerkass nature towards Will can be seen as a rather disproportionate attempt to teach the boy some humility.
• The Ugly Guy's Hot Daughter: Inverted. His mother is absolutely stunning while he, though not by any means ugly, is an awkward and painfully uncool geek.
• Upper-Class Twit: His posh background often causes him to speak to others with an air of smug condescension, while also making him clueless to certain things.
• Uptight Loves Wild: In spite of his own awkwardness, he tends to go for women who are more confident and comfortable with their sexual experiences and are able to talk about the subject as such.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: He has a frosty relationship with his dad, and clearly seeks his approval in the few times where we see them interact.
• Yes-Man: His default mode when in the presence of teachers, authority figures and pretty much anyone in power who may be able to help him is sniveling toadying.

Simon Cooper

Simon Cooper

Ooh friend!

Played by: Joe Thomas

The Dogged Nice Guy. A lovelorn lad who has nursed a crush on his next-door neighbour Carli D'Amato for as long as he can remember. Simon dreams of sweeping Carli off her feet with a grand romantic gesture, but can barely keep himself from popping a stiffie just from being around her. He is generally fairly sensible in matters unrelated to girls, which often forces him into the role of Will's confidant.

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• Aesop Amnesia: In season one, he deduces that his infatuation with Carli is either misplaced or futile. By the start of season two, he falls for her again and it's only until the movie that he realises she's a manipulator who strings him along for her own gain.
• The Alleged Car: His bright yellow Fiat Cinquecento Hawaii, which gets shitter and shitter just about every time it appears.
• Anguished Declaration of Love: He tries to give one to Carli practically Once an Episode, but something always goes wrong.
• Berserk Button: Much as he complains about it, he goes mental when Jay and Neil accidentally let his car crash into the river.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: After spending literally the entire series chasing after Carli, in the second movie, he has a girlfriend who is a total Yandere who ends up cheating on him.
• Bratty Teenage Son: Probably the biggest offender of the four; if his parents so much as speak to him, chances are he'll go off on a tirade about how they've ruined his life. Granted, he also has Amazingly Embarrassing Parents, but he's still very rude and surly towards them, even if they're simply saying hello.
• Butt-Monkey: Between his humiliations with Carli, having his balls out on stage and falling into some very cold water, he doesn't have the best of luck.
• Cannot Spit It Out: Most notably at the prom, when he has everything set up for a romantic declaration of love to Carli and he chokes. Fortunately, Neil manages to take the heat away from him.
• Character Catchphrase:
  • He tends to let out an exaggerated "Hmm..." when perplexed.
  • He responds to most of Jay's crude jokes with a deadpan "brilliant", particularly when they're directed at him.
  • His usual response to his parents saying or doing anything is a loud "Fuck off!"
• Character Tics:
  • When suspicious or confused he gives an exaggerated sideways glance, complete with raised eyebrow, and lets out a very loud "Hmm..."
  • His go-to move when seeing a girl he likes is to wave at them excitedly with a gormless grin on his face. If they deny him, he awkwardly tries to act as though he was doing something else.
• Chick Magnet: Women actually tend to be interested in him fairly often, with a few even making advances towards him based on looks alone, but he's generally too hung up on Carli to get anywhere with any of them. Tellingly, of all the lads, he's the one who's been in the most genuine relationships.
• The Comically Serious: Takes his romantic endeavours very seriously, but they always end with him humiliating himself.
• Covert Pervert: While his pervertedness is less pronounced than Jay and Neil's, Will describes him as having an "exotic" internet search history; enough to push his parents, who are infamous for their openness about sex, into putting a parental lock on his computer.
• Deadpan Snarker: Not to the same degree as Will, but his Only Sane Man status makes him have his moments. Like Will, he especially loves saying "brilliant".
• Deconstructed Character Archetype: Of the Dogged Nice Guy protagonist of teen romcoms. For most of the series, he's hopelessly in love with Carli and tries several things to try and win her over, all of which generally end in humiliating disaster.
• A Degree in Useless: The only subject that he's ever been confirmed onscreen to be taking, apart from a poor grasp of French, is Sociology, which has a long history of being derided as a useless subject. He carries onto university studying it and bemoans the fact that it's his only skill when the lads are lost in the desert in the second movie. His UCAS personal statement included in the yearbook implies that the only reason he chose it in the first place was so that he could be around a lot of girls.
• Deuteragonist: After Will, he is the character with the most prominence. Even though Will is the main character, the series and movies deal with his romantic relationships the most.
• Dogged Nice Guy: A truly abhorrent example. Simon is generally the most down-to-earth member of the main four, but all of that goes out the window as soon as Carli enters the picture. He will do the most degrading things imaginable so long as he thinks that it will give him even the faintest chance of winning her affection, and suffers constantly for it as a result.
• The Driver: For the first two seasons he's the only one with a car, and so drives the rest of the lads everywhere. Granted, it's not a good car, but still.
• Embarrassing Nickname: "Boner" for the entire first series.
• Establishing Character Moment: His major one comes with the introduction of Carli; we see how nervous he is around her to the point where even her sniffing him gives him a Raging Stiffie.
• The Everyman: If any of the four were to be described as a "typical" teenager, it would be him. While he isn't popular, he's also not quite as much of a hopeless sadcase as his buddies are most of the time, and his main flaws (awkwardness around the opposite sex, warped expectations of romance, and constant unwarranted agitation with his parents) are pretty much par for the course for a Hormone-Addled Teenager.
• Extreme Doormat: He seems to be this to his Love Interests quite a lot - he only confronts Carli about her casually using him at the end of the first movie, is resigned to Lucy's crazy behaviour in the second and lets Tara dress him up "like an eccentric posh child", in Will's words.
• The Face: Played with. He's often forced into this position by Jay and Will whenever the group attempts to chat up women due to his relative coolness compared to the other three, but his awkwardness always causes him to either freeze up or make a fool of himself before he's ever able to do any sort of ice breaking.
• Fatal Flaw: Simon really lets his heart overrule common sense, especially when it comes to Carli, but his relationships with Tara and Lucy also involve them walking all over him and his attempts to impress a girl he likes always tend to lead to his most embarrassing moments.
• Flanderization: His Idiot Hair is fairly subtle in series 1, but becomes a completely ridiculous-looking rooster-like crest from series 2 onward.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Around his family, every single thing they say tends to be taken in the most insulting way possible, leading Simon to go on dramatic rants that they always laugh at.
• Has a Type: All of his major Love Interests are patient Girl Next Door types. In fact, both his relationship with Carli and his relationship with Lucy start to show cracks as soon as it becomes clear that they aren't entirely either of those things.
• Henpecked Husband: A non-married example. Whenever he has a girlfriend, he tends to let them walk all over him and take total control over his life.
• Hidden Depths:
  • "Will's Home Alone" reveals him to be good enough at golf to make it to the championship round of a father-son tournament.
  • His CV (released to promote the second movie) reveals that he got an A in his math A-levels, implying that it's his best subject. Not once in either the series or movies is this ever suggested.
  • If his ringtone is anything to go off of, he's a Leona Lewis fan.
• Hopeless Suitor: To absurd levels with Carli. He's pined for her since he was eight-years-old and doesn't get anywhere with her until the end of series 2, and even then, she doesn't really care about him.
• Hypocritical Heartwarming: As stand-offish as he is towards his parents, he gets defensive whenever anyone mocks them.
• Idiot Ball: You would have thought that by now he would have learned to never listen to Jay about sexual advice, but he does just that when feeling nervous about having sex with his girlfriend. Of course, it blows up in his face.
• Idiot Hair: Always has his hair gelled to leave a few of these sticking up. He thinks it makes him look cool (apparently Carli complimented it once), but the few times it's acknowledged in-universe it always gets made fun of.
• Informed Deformity: Is occasionally mentioned to have spotty skin, but is barely actually shown to have any spots at all, even during all the occasions when he's seen naked. Considering that the only characters who bring this up are Jay and Simon himself, though, it's possible that he's simply being self-conscious about nothing.
• In-Series Nickname: Friends and family often call him Si (pronounced like 'sigh').
• In Touch with His Feminine Side: He has no shame in announcing how much he loves Carli and tries to express this with grand romantic gestures that backfire on him, but he still keeps trying. Also, while it's not brought up often, his taste in music is unusually girly for a teenage boy - his ringtone is "Keep Bleeding" by Leona Lewis and he mentions when talking about music with Tara that he went to a Take That concert with his mum that he apparently enjoyed, much to Tara's amusement. The yearbook further reveals that he keeps a diary and writes poetry, though it also shows that he's pretty shit at both.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's a Spoiled Brat towards his parents, often inconsiderate towards his love interests, and constantly joins in on shit-talking his buddies, but he's a decent guy at heart who pulls through for his friends when it counts and goes out of his way to make (misguided) attempts at being the best boyfriend possible.
• The Lancer: Will generally treats him as his go-to guy for helping him out in a jam, though Simon is often too wrapped up in his own troubles to be of much use.
• Love Makes You Dumb: His feelings for Carli have resulted in him acting in such foolish ways such as vandalising her driveway, getting so drunk to build up Dutch Courage to tell her how he feels and ending up puking on her little brother, swapping shoes with a homeless person to get into a nightclub and dressing up in a speedo for a fashion show at her request.
• Love Martyr: Is willing to ruin his own life if it means making Carli love him.
• Loving a Shadow: He's so wrapped up in the idea of having a Childhood Friend Romance with Carli that he completely overlooks the numerous signs that she is actually a burgeoning Alpha Bitch with no interest in him.
• Mistaken for Pedophile: A Running Gag is that he constantly finds himself in situations that get him accused of being a paedo.
• Naked People Are Funny: While all the lads fall victim to this at some point, it's a recurring theme with Simon. He ends up naked at least Once a Season. It gets lampshaded in the movie.
  Alison: Does he always strip when he's happy?
  Will: Pretty much, yeah.
• Non P.O.V. Protagonist: Arguably; while Will is The Narrator, Simon's romantic endeavors generally take precedence over his when it comes to the plot. Simon also fulfills the standard "relatable everyman protagonist" niche much better than Will does.
• Not So Above It All: Along with his ridiculous behaviour around Carli, Simon acts like a complete asshole to both of his parents at all times despite the two of them easily being the most normal parents on the show.
• Only Sane Man: Lacks Jay and Neil's idiocy and Will's uncontrollable temper and uptightness, making him the least eccentric one of the four most of the time. With that said, he's very easily swayed by peer pressure (particularly from Jay), and often becomes the least rational of the group whenever Carli is involved.
• Open Mouth, Insert Foot: Seemingly can't make it through a conversation with a pretty girl without saying something that makes him look like an idiot.
• Ordinary High-School Student: Beyond his single-minded fixation on Carli, which even then isn't all that unusual for a teenage boy, he is by far the most normal of the four.
• Raging Stiffie: Gets one in the very first episode when Carli leans into him, leading to the Embarrassing Nickname of "Boner" throughout series one.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gives Will, Neil and Jay one in the final episode after they let his car crash into the river. He also gives one to his own penis when it fails to perform after a "tactical wank".
• Running Gag:
  • If one of the lads ends up with a Wardrobe Malfunction or naked, it's probably going to be Simon.
  • His shit taste in music is another one; he has Leona Lewis as his ringtone and names Take That as his favorite band when pressed.
  • He's regularly Mistaken for Pedophile; either by accidentally ending up in compromising positions with children or by Jay simply claiming him to be one.
• Serial Romeo: Even when the object of his affections isn't Carli, he places much more focus on performing sweeping romantic gestures than actually being attentive to his partner's needs.
• Single-Target Sexuality: Manages to move past Carli by the first movie, but it takes a loooong time.
• Spoiled Brat: He's the only one of the gang whose family isn't broken or dysfunctional, yet he constantly snarls at them like they're ruining his life. Whenever he reaches a Rage Breaking Point, it appears to be less a teenager losing his temper and more a child throwing a tantrum; best seen when he absolutely loses it at a lunch lady of all people for being slow in handing him change. He also generally puts himself before others unless directly called out on it.
• Straight Man: A somewhat rational and sensible individual, he generally gets tangled up into going along with whatever Zany Scheme his friends have that episode.
• Sucks at Dancing: On the occasions where we see him dance, he's incredibly stiff, awkward and self-conscious; resembling spasming more than dancing.
• Super Gullible: He's often so anxious about sex and girls that he takes advice on them from Jay, despite knowing him to be full of shit. If he hadn't gone for that "Tactical Wank", he'd have actually had sex with Tara.
• Thinks Like a Romance Novel: Simon seems convinced that love must always be expressed in a spontaneous and dramatic fashion, which often causes him to publicly humiliate himself while attempting to be romantic.
• Tsundere: A platonic example towards his parents. He's basically never not irrationally angry at them, but always gets defensive when his friends insult his mum, becomes unconsciously concerned when their marriage appears to be on the rocks, and gets very invested in a father-son golf tournament when he realises how much it means to his dad.
• Ungrateful Bastard: The first thing he does upon seeing the car his parents got him for passing his driver's test is complain about how shit-looking it is. Granted, the car is shit-looking, but it's also a car of his own (compared to Jay, who has to drive around his mum's) that he didn't have to spend a thing himself to get. In the movie, the only message he sends to his parents at any point during his holiday is "dad send more money".
• Unlucky Childhood Friend: Can't seem to get it through his head that Carli isn't interested in him.
• Unreliable Narrator: In the yearbook, he recalls the Bus Wanker incident as him being dragged out of the car and mugged by twenty massive blokes.
• Wrong Genre Savvy: When it comes to Carli, he seems to believe that he's The Protagonist of a romcom instead of The Lancer in a Sadist Show.

Jay Cartwright

Jay Cartwright

She'd definitely get it. Right up the bum hole!

Played by: James Buckley

The Casanova Wannabe. A fast-talking pervert and compulsive liar with a knack for telling tall tales. Jay fancies himself to be quite the player, and has a story for just about every sexual exploit you can think of; not one of them being even remotely true. His friends are aware of his reputation for bullshitting, but are often so hopeless with the opposite sex that they take his advice at face value anyway, which inevitably ends up backfiring on them.

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• Abusive Parents: His dad belittles him in almost every conversation he has in the series and his mother just sits there and lets him.
• Aesop Amnesia: After causing the death of his dog Benji by lying about how the dog crapped on the carpet (leading to his dad euthanising him for being too old), you'd think it would stop Jay lying so much. Instead, he keeps doing it and blames his masturbation habits instead out of grief.
• Attention Whore: He admits to Big John that he makes up lies so people will notice him.
• All Men Are Perverts: He will make lewd comments about every woman going and sometimes, depending on how much he's drunk, make unwanted sexual advances. However, this trope is subverted whenever he meets a girl he actually cares about.
• Animal Lover: Though it's generally buried under his attempts at seeming cool and tough, Jay is shown to have a soft spot for animals, and is genuinely remorseful when he accidentally gets his dog put down and when he runs over a squirrel.
• Bad Liar: Mostly because his lies are hilariously ridiculous. It's especially noteworthy considering Neil is often the one to point out the holes in his stories.
• Berserk Button:
  • "FOOTBALL FRIEND! FUCKING FOOTBALL FRIEND!"
  • Simon calling him out on being afraid of his dad in the movie makes Jay attempt to punch him.
  • Disrespecting a girl he fancies seems to be one for him - he gets quite angry at the end of the first movie and during the second when people make fun of Jane's weight. He also gets mad with Neil when he makes lewd comments about Chloe.
• Big Guy, Little Guy: The scheming, loud-mouthed little guy to Neil's dopey big guy.
• Book Dumb: So ignorant that he confuses Wales with Scotland, yet he can be quick on his feet at times if the situation calls for it, as seen when he tricks James from the first movie to use a poop-covered banknote to do cocaine.
• Blatant Lies: Just about everything he says.
• The Blind Leading the Blind: The other three often go to him for romantic and sexual device, despite him being arguably even more clueless than they are.
• Big Brother Instinct: He gets unusually annoyed when Will makes a joke about his sister and demands Will takes it back. Will does, then switches to a Your Mom joke. Jay ignores it.
• Character Catchphrase:
  • "Fuck that", although this mostly applies to the movie.
  • "Morning, benders", to the point that it appears as a track on the soundtrack album.
  • "Alright, gays", which essentially acts as an alternative to the above when the scene doesn't take place during the day.
• Casanova Wannabe: Claims to have had sex with everything going. It's pretty obvious that he's still a virgin. This is played with somewhat, as while Jay constantly brags about his sexual exploits to other guys, he almost never even so much as attempts to speak to any girls, let alone hit on them. On the very few occasions where he does, he is shown to be much more quiet, reserved and awkward than he normally is. He finally manages to get laid for real at the end of the first movie.
• Character Development:
  • Gets the most out of the four main characters. He's an outright Jerk with a Heart of Jerk in the first season, but by the end of the third season and into the movies, he's still a cocky, annoying little shit, but much warmer and willing to go above and beyond for his friends.
  • He also grows into the least shallow of the four, as all of his love interests are a bit on the chubby side. Compare this to Will who has a girl throw herself at him and still rejects her because she's not attractive enough.
• Chivalrous Pervert: Surprisingly, but when he actually does get a girlfriend in-series, he's actually quite respectful towards her. He also becomes this in the movie with Jane.
• Determinator: In the second movie, he goes to Australia, where he has to work in a toilet and sleep in a tent, to try and win Jane back.
• Dirty Coward: Often; he immediately tells Donovan that Will is upstairs with Charlotte, mocks Simon after some guys threaten to beat him up over something Jay did, ditches his friends when some chav pre-teen girls get their brother to chase them with a cricket bat...
• Don't Explain the Joke: Often pauses after making a Double Entendre and adds a filthier line, generally ruining it. Will lampshades it during "A Night Out In London".
  Neil: She touched her hair. In body language-speak, that means she likes you.
  Jay: Well, in London, there'll be plenty of girls touching their hair around me.
  Will: Their pubic hair, presumably.
  Jay: No, their actual... long... yeah, their pubic hair.
• Drives Like Crazy: In contrast to Simon, who drives like an old woman, Jay is extremely reckless behind the wheel of his mother's car.
• Establishing Character Moment: He's introduced bragging to Simon and Neil about his sexual conquests in a manner that makes it clear that he's talking out of his arse.
• Everyone Has Standards: He seems genuinely ashamed of himself as soon as he finds out that he had unknowingly been masturbating in front of an old lady.
• Foil: To Will. Both of them are insecure and horny teenagers with emotionally abusive fathers who put on airs of being something more as a coping mechanism, but while Will is a posh cynic who tries hard to seem like a cultured Renaissance Man, Jay is a delusional working class kid trying to play himself off as a roguish playboy. They also serve as the two most dominant personalities in their friend group and constantly bicker with each other when making decisions.
• Freudian Excuse:
  • The way his dad treats him explains a lot of Jay's behaviour.
  • He is implied to have been sexually abused by his neighbour as a child.
• Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?: Constantly talks of his conquests to the lads.
• Heroes Love Dogs: While annoyed by his dog, Benji, vying for his attention while attempting to masturbate, he genuinely loves the dog. This is solidified by his reaction to his lie about Benji shitting in the house having got his dad to put Benji down being shock and heartbreak. Even in the last episode, he elects to use the dog Monopoly piece, as it reminds him of Benji.
• Hidden Depths: When he actually does have a girlfriend, he's a pretty attentive and caring boyfriend. He's also a pretty good DJ and can be very kind to others when given the chance. And he's good at Monopoly.
• Innocently Insensitive: Apparently, the reason Jane dumped him was because he bought her a Wii-fit after she told him that she was trying to lose weight.
• It Amused Me: After Simon comes out from the toilet at Louise Graham's party, he pretends that Simon has made a mess of the facilities in front of Carli. When Simon calls him out and asked why he did it, Jay responds that it was funny.
• Jerkass: He is the most openly mean of the four. At the start of the series, he is the one who gets along least with Will due to his constant lying and abrasive personality.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Despite his jerkassery and constant lying, some of his points make sense to the point where even Will agrees with him.
  • It's implied that he doesn't think Simon and Carli are a good fit and wants him to broaden his romantic horizons. Considering how Carli often strings Simon along when it's convenient, it holds some merit.
  • Tells John to shut up during the prom planning session after hearing him ask about food one too many times (as Will had even told him repeatedly that he would get to that on the agenda).
  • He considers Alistair an asshole despite everyone else giving him sympathy due to his wheelchair-bound state. Will quickly discovers that Jay is right.
  • He's not wrong when he points out Gilbert giving him and Neil a month's detention for saying "Waterside" is a completely ridiculous and unfair punishment.
  • He points out more than once that Will often doesn't go along with their antics not because he has the moral highground, but because he's scared to.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Especially in the movies. In the series, while he is shown to have some (rather well-hidden) redeeming traits, he is more often portrayed as a Jerk with a Heart of Jerk. But that may be due to the cynical nature of the series, while the movies, comparatively, have more heart-warming and Throw the Dog a Bone moments.
• Karma Houdini:
  • He often manages to escape punishment or embarrassment due to being a Dirty Coward.
  • He also repeatedly humiliates Simon and Will without any comeuppance.
  • In the very last episode, it is entirely his fault that Simon's car falls into the lake.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Most of his "expertise" tends to be about sex, but will occasionally be about another topic that's relevant to the plot.
• Large Ham: Can slip into this at times, especially when his Berserk Button is pushed.
• Laser-Guided Karma: When he finally gets himself a girlfriend, what happens? He asks his dad for advice, and what gets is really bad advice for keeping her interested in him, which ends up driving her away. It'd be easy to feel sorry for him in the moment until you realise it's exactly what he's been doing to his friends the whole time; giving them bad advice on getting girls that will blow up in their faces.
• Liquid Courage: While he normally shrinks away in the face of women, he's able to act closer to his perverted usual self around them after he's had a few. This is not a good thing.
• The Load: On the occasions where he doesn't just abandon the others outright to save his own skin, he regularly proves himself to be a hindrance through a combination of his carelessness, idiocy, and general incompetence.
• Men Don't Cry: Averted, as Jay ends up crying after his first serious girlfriend dumps him. It actually makes you feel sorry for him.
• Miles Gloriosus: One of his many Blatant Lies is that he once spent the summer at a Thai boxing training camp and knocked out so many Thai fighters that they had to bring in fighters from Cambodia. Of course, it's obvious that he has no experience.
• My God, What Have I Done?:
  • This happens to Jay when his lie ends up getting his dog put down.
  • Also happens when he runs over a squirrel.
    Jay: ...His eyes look sad.
• Never My Fault: He rarely ever takes responsibility for the problems he causes on the show, whether it be giving poor romantic advice, damaging Simon's car, humiliating his friends, or getting them into trouble.
• The Nicknamer: Almost never calls Will by name in the first two series, but instead some variation of "briefcase". In the third series, when Will becomes more known for shitting himself at an exam than carrying around a briefcase, Jay starts calling him by name, though still lets slip a briefcase insult/joke once in a while.
• No Social Skills: Along with being a tactless asshole and pathological liar, on the few occasions where he is actually shown interacting with a girl as opposed to simply bragging about his success with them, he loses nearly all of his usual boisterousness and becomes quiet and awkward.
• The Obi-Wannabe: When it comes to love advice.
• Of Course I'm Not a Virgin: Constantly brags that he's shagged every woman he's ever come across, sometimes several at a time. Taken up to eleven in the second movie when he claims to have had a three way with the Minogue sisters ten minutes after arriving in Australia. His Establishing Character Moment even has him bragging that he's really good at shagging only to trip up on a question Neil asks.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
  • You know Jay is upset about his dog being put down when he declares he'll never wank again.
  • When the lads are stranded in the Australian desert in the second movie, he says that wanking is the last thing he feels like doing. Will dryly remarks that this means things are even more serious than he thought.
  • He's also consistently shown to be the most vocally opposed of the boys to Simon's crush on Carli, and always attempts to dissuade him from fixating on her as much as he does. For a guy as horny and delusional as he is, it's telling that even he thinks that Simon is wasting his time.
• Pet the Dog:
  • Genuinely sets Simon up with a girl at the caravan club; granted, things inevitably backfire, but it's more out of Jay's own ignorance rather than him openly bullshitting or throwing someone else under the bus as it is 99% of the time.
  • He does follow Simon's instructions about turning the music down at the exact moment at the Christmas Party so Simon can confess to Carli, without trying to muck it up. Simon Cannot Spit It Out and it doesn't go as planned, but Jay still faithfully did his part even with his dislike for Carli in mind.
• Sensitive Guy and Manly Man:
  • Jay thinks he's the Manly Man to the others' Sensitive Guys, and tries to act the part, pretending to a cool, streetwise, tough, sexually active ladies man. He's actually not this at all, and is in fact the most emotional and sensitive one of the bunch.
  • He provides a more conventional example with his dad. Jay's dad is a dirty, gross, trash-talking man's man who frequently makes fun of his son and accuses him of being too sensitive, and Jay drops his usual bravado for timid diffidence when around him.
• Sir Swears-a-Lot: Probably has the filthiest mouth out of the lads, although they have their moments too.
• Small Name, Big Ego: Is absolutely convinced that he is going to be asked to model at the fashion show and is irate when Simon announces that Carli has asked him to do it. Jay goes to Carli, asking if he can model and convinces himself that he's first reserve when she turns him down. To add further insult to injury, Will gets roped into modelling with Charlotte, which causes Jay to snap.
• Sticky Fingers: "I nicked it out of Sadie Cunningham's bag during registration" appears quite a few times in the show.
• Sucks at Dancing: While we don't see him dance as often as the other three, the movie shows that his moves are about on par with Simon and Will's in terms of awfulness.
• Super Gullible: In addition to spouting Blatant Lies, Jay is more than willing to believe them as well. This includes the rumour that a sexy housewife in Swanage is willing to have sex with schoolboys and when the trio of drunk students tell him about Dutch student Heike wanting to have sex with younger guys.
• Teeny Weenie: Apparently his penis is even smaller than a McDonald's chip. We actually get to see it for a split second when he gets pantsed in the movie, and it proves to be so small that even a little boy mocks him for it.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: He actually manages to pull a girl during the school disco and gets a handjob from her, though as he tried to pretend it was a blowjob initially, it's not entirely clear what actually happened.
• Token Evil Teammate: Evil is a strong word, but most of the time, Jay isn't actually nicer than school bully Donovan - the main difference simply is that Jay is too big of a coward to use violence. His jerkassery is played more for laughs than Donovan's, though, but except for his very few Pet the Dog moments, he only seems to be part of the group by virtue of having known Simon since early childhood and being admired by Neil who is stupid enough to believe in his lies. There's also the fact the lads are clearly aware of Jay's Freudian Excuse - Simon even accuses Jay of being scared of his dad in the movie. Donovan on the other hand mostly seems to act like a dick For the Lulz.
• Took a Level in Badass: Gets a BJ from Jane and gives James a 20 pound note that was stuck up his bum. James then proceeds to do a line of coke with it, resulting in a single dingleberry stuck on the tip of his nose.
• Urban Legend Love Life: If we were to take him at his word, he has threesomes with foreign supermodels on a daily basis, and has done so since he was nine. If we go off of his actual interactions with the opposite sex throughout the series, though, he's clearly a virgin. In fact, he rather distinctly has the worst track record of the main four when it comes to romance.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Jay has this relationship with the other three, especially with Will; Jay is the most antagonistic towards Will at first whereas Will constantly calls out his bullshit. Despite this, they do try to comfort each other in serious moments.
• What You Are in the Dark: When he talks alone with Big John in the sixth episode, he shows a surprisingly nice side of himself and even seems to find John sympathetic. However, when others are around, he doesn't miss one chance to gravely insult John, especially about his weight - because the general consensus is that John is a loser.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: A lot of his lies are to impress his dad, but his dad is Genre Savvy enough that he doesn't fall for it. Unfortunately, he then tends to respond to Jay's attention-seeking by belittling him. This seems to create a Vicious Cycle - Jay tells more lies to impress his hard-to-please dad, who as a result tries harder to puncture his son's inflated ego. It's not known whether the chicken or the egg came first.

Neil Sutherland

Neil Sutherland

How much Lego can you stuff up your bum?

Played by: Blake Harrison

The Ditz. A Nice Guy without much going on upstairs and a bit too much going on downstairs. Neil generally just goes with the flow and follows the others' leads, but often creates trouble for them through his idiocy. While he takes Jay at his word regarding his success with women, he actually has the most sexual experience of the group, much to his friends' frequent frustration.

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• Always Someone Better:
  • In terms of sexual opportunities, he's this to Will. A Running Gag is that many of the girls Will fails with end up going to Neil instead.
  • He also ends up doing very well at the newspaper job that Will was supposed to do during their week of work experience, to the point they want to keep him on, whereas Will ends up alienating everyone at the garage job Neil was supposed to go to by condescendingly saying he's too clever for a menial job. Played With in that Neil is suggested to be liked at the newspaper job precisely because he's too stupid to bother asking questions to his supervisor (who implies that all of their previous work experience hires were toadying Will types) and generally keeps out of the rest of the staff's way, rather than for any actual skills he possesses.
• Bad Job, Worse Uniform: His job at Thorpe Park is to go around dressed in a monkey costume, which is prone to wasps getting into it, leaving him with some nasty stings.
• Big Eater: Leave him alone with food and he will eat it.
• The Big Guy: He's taller than the others at 6'1 1/2" and is generally called upon when muscle is needed.
• Big Guy, Little Guy: The dim-witted, subservient big guy to Jay's fast-talking little guy.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: It's hard to tell if he's this or simply so dumb he does mean things by mistake, but he's pulled some very dick moves over the course of the series.
• Brainless Beauty: The creators describe him as the kind of person whose affability and attractiveness will allow him to coast through life despite otherwise being a complete idiot.
• Book Dumb: Subverted. He tries to make a case for himself having street smarts in the final episode, but Simon immediately makes a very good point to prove that he doesn't.
  Neil: You lot think I'm dumb but I've got street smarts!
  Simon: You got a woman from Asda pregnant in your lunch hour.
• Captain Oblivious: He completely misses the signs that Paedo Kennedy is constantly attempting to sexually assault him. Even when Gilbert pulls Kennedy away, he doesn't seem phased.
• Character Catchphrase:
  • He adopted saying "No problemo" in a shit Spanish accent for one episode, but dropped it afterwards.
  • He tends to say "behave" when the others say something that annoys him.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Particularly when he goes on about how many things are drugs, starting with relatively sane things such as cigarettes and alcohol and moving on to stuff like trainers and clingfilm.
• Comically Missing the Point: All the time, especially when he fails a spot check regarding Mr. 'Paedo' Kennedy's advances.
• Dancing with Myself: If there's music playing, Neil's likely to start dancing to it even when no one else is. Will admits that he's actually quite good.
• The Ditz: He's practically terminally dim. Academically stupid and lacking common sense, most of the gags involve him not having even the most basic knowledge at hand. His only two examinable subjects are Tech & Design and PE.
• Embarrassing Middle Name: Lyndsey.
• Establishing Character Moment: He blithley believes Jay's lies about his sexual prowess as opposed to Simon's skeptisism, establishing his gullibility and simple-mindedness. That said, it is his seemingly innocent question that causes Jay to trip up, revealing (to the audience at least) that what Jay's saying is in fact bullshit.
• Everyone Has Standards:
  • Even he thought it was stupid of Will to put a wig down his pants when he was on a date with Daisy.
  • Despite his own spotty hygiene, even he is visibly put off by just how gross Jay's dad is.
• Feigning Intelligence: The other lads are bewildered to find him attempting to read a book. When going on a Blind Date show for charity, he believes it will improve his chances if he seems more intelligent. When Will points out that it will make him still seem stupid, he still doesn't get it. During the show itself, he picks the girl who answers his questions with the most intelligent answers, he winds up with Suzie, a twelve-year-old child prodigy who is taking her A-Levels four years early. He is a representative of that stupid guy you probably knew in school.
• The Fool: A classic example. He's dumb as a stump but also the most upbeat and extroverted of his friend group; his tendency to leap into situations without thinking much (or at all) about them often works out relatively well in his favor, and he never lets it get to him for very long when it doesn't.
• Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: Foolish to Katie's Responsible. Not that being more responsible than Neil is hard.
• Gasshole: Of all the characters, he tends to fart the most. The second film establishes that he has Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
• Genius Ditz: Surprisingly, he can be insightful at times. When it comes to Jay's Blatant Lies, he's usually the one who points out the flaws in Jay's stories, often by remembering a previous story that contradicts the current one.
• Going Commando:
  • Under his Mr. Monkey costume at Thorpe Park, much to the disgust of the others. Neil counters that Mr. Monkey isn't naked - "he has a vest on!"
  • In the second movie, when dressed for a fancy dress part as Hermione Granger, he doesn't wear underwear either.
• Has a Type: While he isn't picky, he seems to have a particular thing for older ladies, and is the most serious of the group about his lust for Will's mum.
• Hidden Depths:
  • He's usually the first one who points out the flaws in Jay's Blatant Lies. He's also a very good dancer and, as shown in the yearbook, quite the artist.
  • He did very well at the newspaper, too. And in the second movie, he's working in a bank, where he keeps earning bonuses and is apparently the cleverest non-Asian there.
  • During his, Will and Jay's stint working at a retirement home, he's shown to be the most diligent worker of the three and to get along very well with the elderly.
  • He's shown working the most jobs out of the boys; in addition to the ones listed above, he's been a walkaround mascot at Thorpe Park and a deli worker at Asda. Since money is noted to be tight in his family, it can be assumed he works part-time to help support his dad.
• Idiot Houdini: While he doesn't avoid public embarrassment quite as often as Jay does, he still almost always suffers significantly less than either Will or Simon do.
• Ignorance Is Bliss: Of the four main characters, he's the least intelligent, but also the happiest in general. In the first movie, he tells Will that once he stopped believing in God, he became much happier when he stopped worrying about things by thinking about them. Will admits he's right.
• Impossibly Tacky Clothes: His prom attire; which consisted of a midnight blue sequined jumpsuit with a neckline plunging down to his crotch and an enormous flaired collar along with a pair of Cuban heels. He wanted something that would stand out, but went a little too far.
• Kavorka Man: Not that he's "ugly", just very stupid and lacking in hygiene. Nonetheless, he does quite well for himself with the ladies; at least in comparison to the other three. He's the only one of them to lose his virginity prior to the first movie.
• Like Father, Unlike Son: Neil's dad is an effeminate, refined and soft-spoken fellow while his son is a boisterous doofus with typical loutish interests. Both are consistently shown to be rather Nice Guys, though.
• Likes Older Women: Not only Miss Timms but also the older women around Malia in The Movie. He hooks up with an older housewife in the second movie too.
• Lust Object: Paedo Kennedy seems to have a particular fixation on him.
• Missing Mom: His parents are divorced and his dad seems to have custody over their children. He's still in contact with his mum, but she never appears on screen and the other lads occasionally mockingly claim that she "ran off" from the family.
• My Sister Is Off-Limits: Gets uncharacteristically perturbed when his friends lust after his older sister, though he mostly restricts his protests to an annoyed "Behave."
• Nice Guy: Neil can be annoying due to his stupidity, but he has almost no actual Jerkass moments compared to the other lads. He is also generally polite and is quick to comfort his friends in the "arm around the shoulder and kind words" way that the others would probably deem as too "bent" or girly. Notably, when Will is forced to date Kerry, he is the only one of the group who doesn't mock or act appalled by her height (though he laughs along when the others do), and even states that he doesn't see much of a problem with her being "just a bit big." Although hooking up with a new girl in the movie and cheating on his current girlfriend with a transparent excuse, ignoring her when she was waiting for him at the airport when returning from Greece in the first movie is a definite contradiction.
• The Pig-Pen: He has some rather gross habits showcased in the series. In one episode, it's revealed that he "spunked" in Simon's car, whereas another features him peeing on Will when drunk. He also pisses on Simon in the second movie.
• Plucky Comic Relief: While Will, Simon, and even Jay have occasional moments of drama or Character Development, Neil never does much more besides be a goofy idiot. It's common for him to not even have a plot of his own in an episode and to merely follow along with Jay instead.
• Sarcasm-Blind: Being The Ditz means he's generally unable to grasp the concept of Will's wit.
• Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Manly Man to his dad's Sensitive Guy. Neil's a big dopey lug obsessed with girls, football and video games while his dad's a tightly-wound Ambiguously Gay badminton enthusiast.
• Sibling Yin-Yang: He's a friendly and enthusiastic idiot while his older sister is an aloof Deadpan Snarker.
• Spell My Name With An S: Alternates between spelling his name as "Neil" and "Niel" throughout the yearbook, presumably because he's too stupid to know how to properly spell it consistently.
• Super Gullible: Zig-zagged. He's susceptible to a lot of Jay's Blatant Lies, such as being able to get away with smashing up plates in the school common room in the series 3 prologue, but if Jay tells a lie that contradicts a previous lie, Neil will call him out on it.
• Stupid Good: The dumbest of the four is also the most consistently nice.
• Tacky Tuxedo: For the Christmas Prom, he decides he wants to wear something that makes him stand out. And, boy, does he ever. His suit is a black bodysuit with an Impossibly-Low Neckline and a bow bowtie around his bare neck.
• Teacher/Student Romance: Has a crush on Miss Timms and makes a move on her at the end of the first series.
• Token Good Teammate: A mild example. While none of the other three are evil by any means, they're all rather shallow assholes who often callously put their own needs above others. In comparison, Neil generally comes across as well-meaning and at worst Innocently Insensitive. His rather despicable actions in The Movie call his position as this into question, however.

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