Use Noodle Implements.

Obviously you're performing a ritual where you put virgin blood in the tubes before mixing it with fresh garlic and spraying it all over the place... and now you're safe from the terrible curses of the crypt. The ninja robot, of course, is there to attack and gag any intruders, as you can't be interrupted while doing this.

So my plan requires a red toothbrush (MUST be red), a Chargeman Ken! DVD, a big bag of banana peels, some takeaway sushi, a helicopter, a Gizmondo, and last but absolutely not least, CATS's cloak.

edited 2nd Feb '18 9:28:04 PM by Zanreo

The Gizmondo and the red toothbrush is for bribing the helicopter pilot to go along with your plan - red is his favorite color. The helicopter will fly over your Senpai and drop banana peels in Senpai's path until Senpai slips and falls, at which point you'll catch Senpai in the cloak before Senpai hits the ground, then you'll present Senpai with the takeaway sushi and Chargeman Ken CD. Good news, Senpai finally noticed you. Bad news, Senpai figured out that you sent the helicopter and is now mad at you.

Interesting scheme you concocted with my previous noodle implements, but the spigot's stream of water would dilute the potion too much to be effective against curses and one ball gag is not enough to cover the number of intruders I expect to show up.

Okay, why is there an unmanned spaceship full of coagulant, butterfly bandages, zit concealer, iron supplements, protein powder, a hundred scarves, and fifty human-sized crates of dirt requesting permission to dock at my orbital station? Should I be suspicious?

edited 3rd Feb '18 3:21:19 PM by Miss_Desperado

Maybe. We had an outbreak of a rare infectious disease (bring as much protection as you can) and due to bizarre alien biology, we needed the sterile dirt as an antibacterial agent. Some of us are immune to the illness anyways.

And now that the infection has been neutralized, I now have items to dispense such as liquid nitrogen, vodka, arrack, rum, whiskey, cider, red wine, and pan galactic gargle blasters. All of it must be drunk immediately, except the liquid nitrogen. That is used as a refrigerant.

You're mixing together one really weird drink to see what happens when someone drinks all that stuff at once... this might be interesting.

Now what could I be planning with a bunch of spambots, a samurai, a Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal cartridge, a 15-year old can of Mountain Dew, 3 toasters, a corrupt lawyer and exactly 573 Legos?

Well, the lawyer is in charge of the spambots and the samurai is in charge of the jury-rigged anti-spambot firewall made from the rest of the implements. Have fun filming the battle.

Mr Madman, you focused on the dirt crates and completely forgot the other noodle implements on board the spaceship. Try again.

edited 3rd Feb '18 6:31:19 PM by Miss_Desperado

...or I could continue the game with this new set of implements inspired by last night's half-remembered dream: I've got purple hair dye; black hair dye; eye contacts made with mood-ring material (YMMV on whether or not this is Eye Scream); a Battle Ballgown; directions to the nearest portal to the realm of the Fair Folk; a mask that looks like a porcelain doll face; and a handheld fan made out of the tailfeathers of a half-peacock hybrid bird.

Bump?

I mean, sure, but how are you going arrange everything just so in order to summon Queen Victoria? Her standards are so very exacting.

Now, if we could just get a bucket of ice, fifty-seven blacksmiths, two pounds of cerebrospinal fluid, anf a gaseous form of tungsten...

The tungsten gas is a side effect from throwing tungsten into a volcano in a failed previous attempt to plug it up. You aren't going to succeed in pacifying that volcano unless you have more ice and the cerebrospinal fluid is from a virgin. Oh, and unless you're gonna sacrifice the blacksmiths as well, they're going to need lava-resistant suits.

An adolescent dragon just added some peculiar things to his hoard of treasure. The flashlight and disco ball didn't raise any eyebrows, but then the dragon acquired twice his weight in Klatchian Coffee, half his weight in sugar (real sugar, not an artificial sweetener), the Yakety Sax soundtrack, That Poor Cat, and a vampire who is compelled to count things.

Well, obviously he needs his coffee to stay awake while he's filming the children's program he's come up with, and he likes his coffee *very* sweet.and *very* strong. I only hope the vampire makes a good children's show host...

Meanwhile, I can't remember why I have a new set of wineglasses, several expensive pieces of jewelry from Tiffany's, an empty composition book, and a lifesize cardboard cutout of Elizabeth Hurley,

Wasn't that all stuff for that promotional event you wanted to run for the local Thieve's Guild?

I, meanwhile, will have to get my hands on at least 90 gallons of molten lithium, 12 bags of raisins, a pint of ale, 27 pounds of raw fish, a battery factory, and two tap-dancing Gundams, preferably with the pilots inside.

You obviously want to make a lithium raisin cocktail.

Why the hell do I have a clump of dirt, a water cooler, a baseball bat, and a wood chipper?

Pretty sure you just disposed of a body for the local mafia. You beat them with the baseball bat, then you tried to bury it but got tired. So you tried to fit it in the water cooler but realized it wouldn't fit. So finally you just shredded it in the wood chipper. The Don should be pleased.

Wow, that got darker than I thought it would

Hey, anyone know why I have a coconut, an acoustic guitar, a deck of playing cards, and a combat knife?

I'm betting you're hosting a low stakes poker game with the coconut as the pot, the guitar for music and the knife to punish any cheaters.

Okay, so my boss wants me to get ten doubloons, a shuriken, a spaceship and a Power Crystal. Any idea what he is up too this time?

Guess it looks like you're going to work for a ninja space pirate. Sounds like a real adventure!

I seem to have recently obtained several pounds of C4, a large bag of Pepperidge Farm cheddar flavor goldfish crackers, a spool of ribbon, and some argyle socks, but I've forgotten why,

You're going zombie fishing — you put a bit of C4 and some goldfish crackers in each sock, dangle each load with the ribbon, wait for a zombie to chomp on, then detonate the C4 while the zombie's nomming on it.

I woke up this morning Strapped to an Operating Table and surrounded by elephants wielding Gratuitous Laboratory Flasks with surprising competency. What Did I Do Last Night?

edited 23rd Apr '18 8:16:04 AM by Miss_Desperado

This is why you should never go to a zoo that makes you sign the terms and conditions. I bet you didn't even read them.

All right, I'm going to need a 50-yard length of strong rope, a beekeeper's outfit, three turkey drumsticks (cooked and seasoned), a large vegetable peeler, a teddy bear, and a pair of industrial strength rubber gloves.

I see you wished your baby brother away to the goblins. At least you're better prepared to get him back than Sarah was... but first you're gonna need more rope.

I need fifty representatives each of chihuahuas, parrots, and kangaroos. Every animal must be trained to pull off a Wronski Feint. The parrots must use harsh language and be able to Do a Barrel Roll. The chihuahuas and kangaroos must be trained to tolerate each other while the chihuahuas are in the kangaroos' pouches. Oh, and I need a cake as big as Noah's Ark.

edited 24th Apr '18 7:48:47 PM by Miss_Desperado

Bump

Looks like you're ready to defend your fort from invaders. The parrots being able to taunt the enemy and distract them is a nice touch. If all else fails, the cake could be a peace offering.

Okay, so I have a pedometer with a dead battery, several packs of origami paper, and some .5 mm graphite refills, and I'm pretty sure I have a sundew plant lying around here somewhere. I'm all set, let's - hey, where did all these llamas come from?!

Well, writing wishes on paper cranes and feeding them to a plant is a weird way to fix your pedometer before the llama marathon, but hey, you do you.

OK, are you ready to do this thing? I brought the hand grenades, high-heeled shoes, and tape measure. You got the hair ties, the tutu, and the weasel, right?

Yes I did, but I still think the raccoon would make a better saboteur spy than the weasel will.

Check this out — I've gathered stilts, a featureless white mask, a custom-fitted tuxedo, a few EMP bombs, some canisters of coughing gas, and eight sheets of paper. Meet me in the spooky woods to help me set all this up.

Now, I'd love to help you get that monster mash going, but I still haven't worked out what the EMPs are meant to do. And besides...

I still need to get about twelve dozen barrels of raw sauce (no ketchup), three or so olympic-sized swimming pools filled with jello, every David Bowie album ever released, the Hand of Vecna, the entire pack of Tucker's Kobolds, and, oh... let's say... thirty thousand rubles?

The Russian Border Patrol is not amused by your bribe, or your Plan B.

(btw, EMP bombs were to mimic the Walking Techbane aspect of Slenderman... oh well...)

OK, I need Donald Trump's schedule, the Starship Enterprise, two tons of whipped cream, and skunks. All of Them.

Great idea - announce your non-hostile takeover of the United States by throwing Trump a nice little surprise party! And with his schedule, you can guarantee that he'll be there.

Okay, so I've got a pair of headphones, a can of root beer, and enough benadryl to knock out an elephant. Now all I need is a dozen burnt pine cones.