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Name: Parable

Just a Troper from California watching the world burn. And that's not me being metaphorically grimdark. I can literally see a brush fire from my house.

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WIKI MAGIC! Your page has been wiki-magic'd by Lizard Bite. He expects payment within the month for providing such a valuable service.

Aspiring politicians, be careful what you say around Parable.

Parable TV: Delivering stories that, even if they aren't exactly factual, teach you the real truth.

(smacks Parable with a paper fan) What? You asked me to hit you.

Ozbourne was here, but didn't bring anything to hit with.

Parable is yet another mystery. -signed, Kinkajou

Hardly! Parable represents Jesus.

Parable News rivals Weekly World News in its reality, actuality and factuality.

Parable News is the only source of truth I'll ever accept. Also Kyonko Rules! - daltar

Ho...What its here? Vandro.

"Parable News. The only news worth reading (except for other news sources that are also worth reading)." —Kyler Thatch

Parable News, for all your troper shipping gossip needs. - Noimporta

Parable is making Troper plushies. Hell yeah! ~Katrika

In a World… of corrupt and spineless media, I am proud that we have a news source we can trust to give the truth, and nothing but the truth in Parable News. I wouldn't get my news anywhere else. - The Jackal

Want to let Parable News know you care? Here are some Valentine's Day Cards to disseminate your affection!
"I wanna be fact-checked by YOU"
"Be My Newssource"
"You're anchored in my heart"
"Your basely manipulative propaganda is only amplifying divisive and already disturbing tendencies towards aggressive partianship but I think you're cute anyway"

Most Triumphant Example of Avatar ADD.

Seconded. Beats Zudak easily ~ Zyxzy
How is it Avatar ADD when he always goes back to Kyonko?

Scholastica is awesome. -William Wide Web

*pokes page* BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA - Spain Sun

Am I allowed to love you too? -MissHedgey

We should have forum emoticons for all of your expressions. —Outta The BLAM

I admit, I saw your Innes avatar on the forums and immediately went to your page to say "YOU ARE AWESOME!" without reading any of your posts. -Leradny

(pokes head) Hi! (sneak hug) ~ Arcadiarika

Here's to all the times I've abused the Parable News joke, and all the times I will again. - Krrackknut.

Greetings fair maiden! -An aide walks in, whispering into Tyler's ear- Oh..Um..Viewer Gender Confusion it is that case, I challenge you to a duel to the death for the hand of the nearest fair maiden! -Xiphon III

A Worthy Opponent whatever the battlefield! -Haven

Hello, you seem like a cool person! — Flanker 66

I would include a clever joke here, but I cannot think of one at the moment, so here's a dollar.Central Avenue

Reispin got nominated for meme of the year? I'm...I'm so proud to have been a part of this. ;_; —Charlatan

Why am I surprised to learn Schol is a dude? Shouldn't I be used to this by now? Well, I guess this makes him a Pretty Cool Guy then! — Verdandi

It's a little late, but thanks for vandalizing and therefore creating my contributor's page! - Nyarly

Thanks again for the avatar. You have good taste. :) - Keybreak

I'll only ever keep confusing you as a woman if you have a female avatar. It doesn't help the name sounds so...feminine. - Commando Dude

Schitzo was here. Out to get beer.

  • From one SoCalian to another, dropping by to say "hello". Don't worry, Ms. Jay Bell Hood will have her shot as Czarina sometime...if the campaign goes as planned. - Sabre's Edge

Leave Itsuki the hell alone- Regards, Faux

I'm way overdue in paying you a visit here! I owe you, a true master of the art of Avatar-making, great thanks in helping me build up my own avatar-collection. I'm looking forward to what you'll make in the future. Abraham Lincoln. ~ Lemurian

It's a matter of Surface Detail - the Irregular Apocalypse

Just writing on the wall... - Amused Troper Guy

The Tropie Awards 2010

The first annual Tropie Awards are in progress and the voting will be recorded here by Parable News for posterity! This year's categories, a brief description, and the winners are as follows:

Most Likely To Punch Out Cthulhu: Who could take one a Cosmic Horror? It was a tough fight but it looks like the very first Tropie award goes to our resident pryomaniac, Haven!

"Thank you, thank you! I can't say what an honor this is, to see that you, my fellow tropers, have such confidence in me and my main characterhood.

Y'know, uh...eldritch abominations—Cosmic Horrors as I still like to call em, heh—are funny things. Trying to walk in a straight line in their presence is like, well, if I was trying to do that right now—except without all the absinthe! *nervous laugh* An' sometimes, the merest glance or sound directly at one can fry your brain—true fact, folks, watch the kids.

But when you get right down to it, they're like us in one significant way: all it takes is a good left hook. Thank you, and spay your Lovecraftian entities and xenomorphs."

Most Epic Thread: "HAY ZUDAK!" started off sitting pretty, but the voters soon showed who they favored and after a fierce competition, "Troper Updates!" has been chosen for the best thread of all time!

"Well folks, I'm honored. It's been quite a long run with you. When Fast Eddie first launched me back in May, I never even suspected that I'd be so popular! I thought that my older brother Random Conversation Thread would be bigger than me for sure, but nope! I guess you guys like talking about yourselves.

116, 000 posts! That's crazy. I mean, 4000 something pages! That's ridiculously long. I'm huge - not in the fat sense of course, heh - well okay fattened by your love and possibly some narcissism.

Remember the bad times? Deaths, breakups, sorrow of all sorts. Remember the good times? Life, love, unbounded happiness. And of course the boredom. Can't forget the boredom. I have it all! I couldn't have asked for more.

In conclusion, I thank you for my gracious victory over that shitheaded fucker HAY ZUDAK, the password is mostepicthread, and I spiked the punch. Good night, everybody!"

Most Likely To Become Famous: Winning by a nice margine of 5 votes is the one and only (or is it the faceless and many?) AFGNCAAP! Our most famous-to-be Troper! Next time you turn on the tv, watch out for her!

Strangest Derail: A strange award and an even stranger acceptance speech! Totaling 13 votes, Parable News is proud to announce the winner as "Blowjobs to Linguistics!"

Blowjobs: "Hey, thanks folks! We're really happy you even thought of us, and I'm ecstatic that we where able to win!"

Linguistics: "…Um… W-we're both really happy to be here, and thank you for your thoughtfulness."

Blowjobs: "We'd like to thank everyone who was there that day, and I want to thank everyone who brought both of us together!"

Crowning Troper Of Horny: An award whose winner was a foregone conclusion but nonethless very much looked foward to, Blackmoon is the "Crowning Troper of Horny!" His entendre-laden acceptance speech was smug but inviting and Blackmoon can look forward to immortalization thanks to this award!

"Friends, Tropers, Countrymen, And Zoidberg... the road to Crowning Troper of Horny was long and hard, and it came upon me faster than I expected. It was far from unpleasant, though, and well worth the trip. So I stand erect before you, my pride firmly held aloft for all to see! But where would the Crowning Troper of Horny be without the ones who helped him along the way?

Well, I probably could've done it singlehandedly, but it would've taken a lot longer and wouldn't be nearly as pleasurable. I had to beat off the other contenders with both hands for this title, but though they were hardened warriors one and all, the eager crowd knew who was in control of the situation.

But I'll digress and be the bigger man— I don't wish to toot my own horn here— and say that the competition was stiff, but all just as worthy of the prize. Now that we're over that hump, I have to say I feel a sense of release, of satisfaction. So I'll just say it's quite an honor to win this major award, and I'll conclude by saying you all need a good hard fucking. By fucking, of course, I mean a round of applause.

Thank you, and goodnight."

Most Nightmarish Nightmare Fetishist: Made Of Meat

Most Successful Derail: Abortion-Pies

Funniest Post: I just read this thing called a "book"

Best Sockpuppet: ~

Most Romantic Ship: Charlatan/ Zudak Lucky/ Kris! Daaaawwww!

Best Forum Game: Troper Shipping and Troper Dating Service! Why? She the above.

Best Liveblog: Winning by just one vote is the masochist, "William lulzblogs Chick Tracts because he hates himself"!

Troper Sai Moe: Jinxed Blackcat

Largest Ham: Korgmeister

Biggest Fan: Lemurian! In his own words, "TOUHOU HIJACK LOL - Is shot-

Best Troper Memes: Coming in ahead by just one vote is Rei Spin by Charlatan and Zyxzy! We would go into more detail but Fast Eddie has just shut this shit down. See you next year, Tropers!

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