Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / Mad Doctor

Go To


Steinman: Four-oh silk and... done.
Nurse: The nose looks terrific, Doctor Steinman! ...Doctor?
Steinman: You know, looking at it now... I didn't realize how much her face sags... Scalpel.
Nurse: Excuse me?
Steinman: Scalpel!
Nurse: Uh, doctor, she's not booked for a face lift...
Steinman: Let's just come in here and... (begins whistling cheerfully)
Nurse: Doctor... stop cutting... Doctor, stop cutting! Get me the chief of surgery! Get me the chief of surgery now!
BioShock audio diary, "Not What She Wanted"

Mr. Herriott insists on being called "Dr.", having a Ph.D. in naturopathic medicine, but is strangely reticent to mention where it comes from - possibly because the true center of naturopathy, Narnia, can only be found by those pure of heart.

Now this is gonna 'urt, a LOT! But you'll be bettah, you'll see! (giggles)
Ork Mad Dok, Dawn of War

As the mad surgeon said, "Mind if I... cut in?"

Dr. Barber: Hmmm... good news. You have the plague.
Patient: Why is that good news?
Dr. Barber: Because now I get to conduct medical experiments!

One more word out of you and I'll perform another unnecessary surgery!
Doctor Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D., Phoenix Command

Dr. Horror, Dr. Horror, your heart's of blackest kind
Dr. Horror, Dr. Horror, the raw perverted mind
Dr. Horror, Dr. Horror, masskiller on the grind
Dr. Horror, Dr. Horror, a modern Frankenstein
— "Dr. Horror" by Running Wild

SCP-049: My actions do not need to be explained.
Dr. Sherman: You killed Raymond Hamm and then butchered him until he—
SCP-049: Not dead! No! Not… not dead. He is… he is cured.

Ze healing is not as rewarding as ze hurting.

Wait, wait, it gets better... When ze patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and ze doctor was never heard from again! Ahahahahahaha! ...Anyway, zat's how I lost my medical license.
The Medic, Team Fortress 2: "Meet the Medic"

You don't like it? But almost everyone has two hands! Five digits? Pffff. How boring! You, now... you're interesting now!
Ratchet, Transformers: Shattered Glass, after Rodimus is unimpressed with his new buzzsaw hand

Narrator: Then Joestar's visit at the most well known office was just starting.
Faust: (holding his gigantic scalpel near Joseph's infected arm) How much will you pay?
Joseph: How about this? (presents a stick of gum)
Faust: Good enough!!
Joseph: Do it quick!
Faust: Well, raise your hand if it hurts, mufufu.
Joseph: Oh no! The phrases I hate the most are: "work hard", the second is "hard work", and third is "raise your hand if it hurts!"

You should be grateful. Once I remove your skin you will feel so much cooler. [...] Fetch me another plaything, this one seems to have broken.

Operate! Operate! Still time to operate!
Mad Dok Grotsnik, Warhammer 40,000

I can’t tell you how excited I am. It’s like Christmas, opening a present!
Bonesaw, about to cut into the protagonist's head, Worm

The body is a machine, you see, imperfect in its design and cursed by mortal flaws. The Freak-Maker knows what these problems are, and he now devotes himself to fixing them - or making them worse - if such duties lead him to better understanding.

Here is something you seldom see: a living, breathing, autopsy.

Each of the Legions has now nominated aspirants seeking to throw themselves upon our mercy in the vain hope that we may deem them worthy to join our ranks. Those loyal to the shrunken corpse on Terra still cling to their own processes by which perhaps one in a hundred neophytes may survive to become a battle brother. The methods I have developed over the last millennia are more stringent, for we must be pure in our hatred and hard of heart, body and soul. Fewer than one in every thousand survive, and I strive each day to lengthen these odds still further.
The Grimoire Mutatio Curatus (The Forbidden Writings of Fabius Bile), Warhammer 40,000

Eiffel: Do remember that the test is run by a sadistic piece of work who should be avoided at all costs. You might think I'm making a big fuss over nothing, dear listeners, but I cannot begin to tell you how awful these physicals are. In fact, don't take MY word for it! Here is a recording I made six months ago, the last time I went through Comrade Doctor Moreau's little "wellness checks". (turns on recording)
Hilbert (recording): Officer Eiffel, I said cough!
Eiffel (recording): (whimpering) I-I don't wanna!
Hilbert (recording): Cough! Now!
Eiffel (recording): (sob, small cough)
(machine starts whirring)
Eiffel (recording): (agonized, terrified screaming, suddenly muffled as his mouth is covered)
Eiffel: (shuts off recording) That was just stage one. I'll spare you stages two through twenty-one.
Wolf 359, Episode 3

When performing a lethal injection, it is essential that the needles be placed with absolute precision. And unlike standard medical procedures, with a lethal injection you have a patient who probably does not want the procedure to occur. Therefore, it is of vital importance that the restraints be tight and strong. Even with that, trouble may arise, and it may be incumbent for the practitioner to take matters into his own hands, using whatever sharp, bladed objects he may have on his person. Lacerations... [slashes the "patient" across the chest] the body at strategic locations... [slashes him again] ...may put the patient into a state of shock... [slashes the patient again, killing him] ...making him far more pliable, or at the very least, causing him to bleed to death, thus achieving the desired end. Who are we kidding? We're not really trying to be humane anyway. Class dismissed.
Dr Killjoy, The Suffering

Doctor 1: "This man is going into shock!"
Doctor 2: "Quick, get him ten cc's of-"

Amputations, sawing away at bones, cauterizing, all allow the Hack to vent his sadistic pleasures on fellow Skaven. It is hoped by their patients that in the process of this torturous examination that maybe the Hack is also doing the patient some good by eventually patching up the injuries. The Hack is the closest to a medical practitioner in Skaven society, and in spite of their gruesome, painful, and scarring techniques, they more often than not alleviate the illness or wound that their victim is suffering from - although possible creating new wounds and future aches in the act.
Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Skaven - Book Of The Rat (1st ed)

This patient also, unfortunately, didn't make it. I tried my best, but I'm just a doctor, not a miracle-worker. And I'm pretty new to this whole "doctor" thing, so I'm still working out all the kinks. Anyhoo - somebody's gotta cut the fat from this PROJECT WALRIDER disaster. We've been bleeding money ever since this thing went tits up on account of that Billy kid. But I've managed to slim back personnel by more than eighty people. Which means short term savings in salary and long term savings in pension and health care costs. AND I've been figuring out a lot about biology. I was on the fence about it before, but now I can say with absolute certainty that a person can't live without his kidneys. You learn something new every day.
"Dr" Rick Trager, Outlast


How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: