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Funny / Mercenaries

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    Playground of Destruction 
  • Sergei can't seem to get the Jack of Clubs' name right.
    Sergei: Josef says he knows where Heong...Hong-i...Heong-gu...ah, damn it!
    Josef: Hong-do Seon-u.
    Sergei: Right! That guy! We know where he is.
  • Mattias on childcare:
    Mattias: What the hell is babysitting?
  • Mattias (seeing a pattern here?) when you manage to make a big enough explosion:
    Mattiasnote : That was cool.
  • The Mercs chiding you when you insist in firing their weapon when its out of ammo:
    Mattias: What am I supposed to use...harsh language?
    Jennifer: Hey. I can throw my shoe at them if you like.
  • Jennifer Mui on the topics of having a plan:
    Jennifer: Plans are for mad scientists and bridge builders. I've got moxie. And guns.
    World in Flames 
  • Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss. He knows this.
    Mattiasnote : They sent me a tank?!
    Mattiasnote : Time to bail out, and steal another one.
    Mattiasnote : I love APC's! So crunchy!
  • Of course, Jennifer gets a few funny quotes in as well.
    Jennifernote : Oh look, the bad guys have an RV.
  • Stealing Fiona's car really irritates her.
    Fiona: That's mine, not yours! Remember the difference!
  • You get this gem in Mercenaries 2 when you hijack a friendly or civilian car as Mattias:
    Mattias: This is an emergency! A Viking emergency!
  • When the player first meets Misha, he explains why he's hiding out with the Jamaican pirates.
    "Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is wrong place. He tries to blame me. Guys with big hats come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at me. Now I'm stuck here."
  • Misha extolling the virtues of the MOAB.
    Misha: Do you have MOAB yet? Misha love to drop near ex-wife's house. When explode, looks like a nuke went off and scary the hell out of everyone within 1,000 kilometers. Use, if you have much hate inside.
    • Really, pretty much everything that comes out of Misha's mouth is one of these.
  • The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Jennifer if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got Shot in the Ass. But each merc has a unique line when snarking back:
    Fiona: "(Player Merc), sit down."
    Chris/Jennifer: "They can't. They got shot in the ass!"
    Mattias: "Upper thigh."
  • The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." You drive to the location, and there's this big, scary tank there... that isn't the objective and you can't use it. "The Devastator" is actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front, which is behind the tank. You then have to drive it through a crowded city, and the UP mercenaries will make fun of you when you get it to them. It's just them hazing the Mercenary before letting them see their boss.
    • And just as a potential player-created Brick Joke, you can choose to bomb the hell out of UP H.Q. in a Chinese mission. One can pretend it was for progressing in the story, but it comes across as comical revenge.
  • In one mission, you have to escort a UP executive while he's burning documents. If he gets killed, his has this wonderful line:
    UP Exec: I've been shot! I'm dying! Not...bleeding, though...stupid T rating....
  • Putting Mattias in the Chicken outfit and... well, doing anything, really.
  • Mattias finding a Stinger when faced with incoming hostile helicopters.
    Mattias: I haven't been this happy since I was nine, and got my first box of Ettans snus!
  • Mattias' confusion about babysitting returns. Made ever better by his tone of voice making him sound genuinely concerned that people do this.
    Mattias: ...why would someone sit on a baby?


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