- You're driving the Love Fist limo only to find out that it's a armed with a bomb, and the only way to not set it off is to drive fast, a la Speed, until the group finally disarms it. Hilarity Ensues.
- The fact that Tommy is constantly annoyed throughout the whole mission makes it even more funnier. If you only watch one YouTube video of a mission in this game, watch this one.Jezz: Tommy, pal, you gotta save the band!
Tommy: I'm getting bored of this.
Jezz: Just keep the pedal to the metal!
Jezz: Which wire, Tommy?!
Tommy: The green one.
- The fact that Tommy is constantly annoyed throughout the whole mission makes it even more funnier. If you only watch one YouTube video of a mission in this game, watch this one.
- You drive like a lunatic all over town, running over innocents, gun down several people including cops, SWAT teams, FBI agents, and cause massive destruction of property, all in broad daylight and in plain view of every law enforcement officer in town. You are eventually arrested, and as you emerge from the police station (minus weapons and a small bribe/fine) you can hear Rosenburg in the background, "Tommy Vercetti is an innocent man!"
- Some other things Rosenburg says indicates he's got the whole police department caught in a vice, calling down officers who owe him a favor, or threatening to sue the department for "discrimination" or "police brutality" or what-not. And while he does this, Rosenburg sounds nothing like the Nervous Wreck he is throughout the game, but a full-fledged Magnificent Bastard. It's really funny how the No Respect Guy finally gets a chance to do something even the badass Tommy Vercetti can't do - bend Vice City's legal system on its ear, and still "technically" follow the law! You can listen to his various quotes here.
- The mission where you have to steal a "military hardware" (a tank) on a military convoy. Aside from the hard but obvious way of attacking head-on, you can wait for the convoy until... "Go get some donuts, soldier! Sir, yes, sir!" and the tank driver just leave the tank without bothering to close the door. Since the tank is bulletproof...
- The first phone call that Tommy gets after obtaining a mobile phone:Caller: Hey, uh, Leo, I think we got a buyer for Diaz's merchandise. Gotta give them a ring, man, set up the deal, you know?
Tommy: Where are you now?
Caller: You okay, Leo? You sound kinda... different.
Tommy: Just tell me where you are.
Caller: Who the hell is this? Put Leo on, man!
Tommy: Leo's gone away for a while, he left me in charge.
Caller: Screw you, man!
- This exchange from the beginning of the mission "Supply and Demand":Diaz: (screaming at his VCR player) Eject! Plastic crap! You doing this to ME?! Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic SHIT?! Aaaaargh! (shoots his VCR) SCREW YOU! (as Tommy walks in) It eats my favorite El Burro movie, it die! What else could I do?
Tommy: It's probably not plugged in.
Diaz: What? (looks closely and sees that Tommy was right) Damn. No matter, I can buy a hundred more.
- And just a little later in the scene, Diaz scratches his crotch with his gun.
- Tommy's Italian goombas and their generic dialogue.Thug 1: What should I do about her?
Thug 2: Forget about her, Mario!
Thug 1: I told myself, "Mario, take it easy!"
Thug 2: You better tell him, Mario.
Thug 3: Hey, it's Mr V!
- This quip from the game's ending:
- Before the final mission, Ken talks about how he hates the prospect of him being a subject to Cement Shoes."I like fish. I love fish. I like them as pet in a bowl, or a food on a plate. But as much as I love them; I don't want to sleep with them!"
- Early in the game, we usually get an inside look into Tommy's thoughts after a mission cutscene ends. Most of them are full of snark.(Upon told on getting a suit to attend a fancy party - by Rosenberg of all people!) "Who does that guy think he is? Now I gotta dress like a chump as well as hang out with them? (Genuinely hurt) I like this shirt..."
"Great, more crap to wipe up! What did I do in a past life to deserve this?"
"Lawyer pricks, rug-wearing pricks - I'm surrounded by pricks!!"
"Abandonment issues?! What a freak... why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?"
"Dumb. Florida. Moron."
- The Keepie-Uppy Beach Ball Game. Completely random and pointless, but funny and strangely addicting. The game stats even keep track of your record!
- This bit from "Cop Land", where Tommy and Lance have to sneak into the mall and detonate a dud bomb (long story) by disguising themselves as police officers.Tommy: Remember, smile at the other cops.
Lance: Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.
Tommy: Real smooth, Lance.
- The "G-Spotlight" mission requires you to do a lot of Roofhopping on a motorcycle. Of course, there's the question of how you get a vehicle like that onto a rooftop so you can begin. Tommy decides to just drive straight into an office full of people, roll up to the nearest elevator, and ride into it when the doors open. In the elevator are a man and a woman, and they just stand there speechless as this stranger rides his motorcycle into their elevator and the doors close. Cut to security camera footage of the rising elevator, showing the man, the woman, and Tommy on his bike riding up in awkward silence. The doors finally open on the floor Tommy wants and he nonchalantly backs his bike out like this sort of thing is completely normal.
- After the final mission, Colonel Cortez will call Tommy in a panic, asking him about some kind of awful rumor he's heard about Mercedes. Given how promiscuous Mercedes is, one would expect him to be upset over her sleeping around. It's not thathe heard a rumor that she was planning to become a lawyer.
- The scene is capped off by Cortez telling Tommy he has to go meet somebody. Apparently, Cortez killed the guy's father in a coup, so he has to be polite.
- Couzin Ed, the Jerkass former DJ at V-Rock calls in at one point, apparently getting kicked off the station in favor of Lazlow. He has apparently left the hard-partying life of a metalhead, and now works as poorly paid job as a bus driver, which apparently causes some friction between Ed and his wife.
- Tommy can drive any sort of car, truck, or motorcycle, and even fly a helicopter... but instantly dies when he touches water.
- Every section of VCPR has funny lines. From 'Morality' featuring a nudist a firebrand pastor:Maurice Chavez: Recently, rock artists joined together to provide famine aide to Alaska with the song, "Do They Know It's the Fourth of July?" Critics complain it's immoral to meddle in the affairs of other peoples and cultures. Pastor Richards-Pastor Richards: WHAT?Maurice Chavez: Er, what do you make of meddling in other people's business like an over-opinionated sociopath?Pastor Richards: Well, let me say that money could have gone to much better things like reserving a place by my side in the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue, but I digress and plug.Maurice Chavez: Stop doing that!(Later, Pastor Richards loses patience with Barry the nudist and shoots him.)Maurice Chavez: Dios mio, you shot him! There's blood and pubic hair all over the studio!
Konstantinos: Goths like me, we see the world for what it is. Dark songs of the night, black nail polish, and very tight black jeans, man.Jenny: (hyperactively) Like, everything is great, well, like, like, well, like everything!Maurice Chavez: Konstantinos, you're shaking your head.Konstantinos: I know, Maurice. I am. (later) It's been over 18 years since I was out in open sunlight. I only leave the house if it's raining, or if I need milk.
- `Positive Thinking' with Konstantinos the Goth, a doped-up girl called Jenny and Jeremy the motivational conman:
Funny / Grand Theft Auto: Vice City