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Comic Book / Orc Stain

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They'll chop your gronch off.note 
A darkly funny fantasy comic by James Stokoe, first published in 2010 by Image Comics.

For a million millennia, orcs have been raiding and killing, with thousands of gangs and tribes warring with other races—and each other—the world over. However, one chieftain known as the Orctzar has united dozens of tribes under his banner, creating the largest orc empire anyone has ever seen. He's searching for a "God Organ", which he believes will make him even more powerful; but a seer tells him a certain one-eyed orc is his only hope to unlock its power. The Orctzar's armies begin their search...

Our hero, One-Eye, is tired of brutal orc society, and is busy trying to make a living on his own as a thief (a decidedly non-orcky pursuit), and just wishes the Orctzar's minions would leave him alone. Things, of course, do not go as planned.

This comic book contains examples of:

  • Asskicking Leads to Leadership: Being orcs, it's a given. The Orctzar is the most obvious example.
  • Attack Its Weak Point: One-eye's preferred method of combat, since his eye allows him to spot the weakest point in the structural integrity of any object—including living things.
  • Awesomeness by Analysis: One-Eye's power, taken to ridiculous levels in what it can accomplish. For example, striking Pointy-Face in three seemingly random locations on his body results in very little visual damage. Until his dick falls off.
  • Badass Cape: Bowie has a literal one, in that the fur cloak she wears is alive, named Zazu and expresses a constant desire to crush orcs.
  • Berserk Button: For One-Eye, it's seeing Beard.
    • According to the lore comic about gronches, an orc who gets his junk cut off but is left alive is left in a state of perpetual single-minded fury, leading to him declaring an endless Poxa Gronka (vendetta).
  • Blind Seer: The Orctzar gets his information about seeking a one eyed orc from one.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Bowie may seem a little off her rocker, but nobody's better than her when it comes to poisons.
    • One-Eye is this to orcs, lacking many orcish qualities. However, if you want something broken, there's nobody better than him.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Bowie is an unusually well-mannered example, but she still definitely fits.
  • Cool Shades: Boss Beard wears a pair.
  • Creepy Souvenir: Orcs wear the genitalia of their defeated enemies as jewelry.
  • Elite Mooks: The Shakatuu, Orctzar's elite soldiers.
  • Fanservice: The love nymphs...
  • Fan Disservice: ...who are usually accompanied by very naked orcs.
  • Fantastic Racism: Orcs seem to be universally reviled.
  • Godiva Hair: Boss Beard. You can probably figure it out.
  • Groin Attack: All over the damn place. The chopping-off of "gronches" is a central element of orc culture: it is the go-to punishment, revenge, and pastime. Cultural standing in orc society is even decided by how many (and how big) cut-off gronches you own, to the point where several orcs decorate their outfits with the severed penises of their enemies and the court of the Orctzar features several truly titanic manhoods draped over balconies. They even use them as money!
  • Handicapped Badass: One-Eye.
  • Hot Witch: Bowie is a "swamp ramba", somewhat of a poison-affiliated witch, and she's certainly hot.
  • Hypocrite: One-Eye criticizes the Poxa-Gronka (orc vendetta) when Pointy-Face declares one on him. However, as soon as he sees Beard, the first word to come out of his mouth is "POXA-GRONKA!".
  • Medieval Stasis: Almost certainly, if the orcs really have existed in their current form for a million millennia.
  • Living Weapon: Hand-in-hand with Organic Technology below, most weapons more complex than a blade involve tugging on bits (yes, including those bits) of some strangely-shaped animal (one of which is seen to say "I hate my life" when fired).
    • Choppy's axe appears to be alive for no apparent reason, with eyes and vaguely avian features.
  • One-Gender Race: Every orc is male. Nymphs (of whom Bowie is one) appear to be all-female.
  • Orc Resources: After One-Eye loses his tools, he fashions a new hammer by binding an unusually hard orc skull to the end of a stick.
  • Organic Technology: All over the place. Of note are the 'Splody Shells, Talky Lines and strongboxes built out of Gurpas. There's also a little flightless bird that acts like an air horn. You give its balls a yank and it screams like a jetplane.
  • Our Monsters Are Weird: Every. Single. One.
  • Our Orcs Are Different: In this case, lanky technicolor fellas with an affinity for biological tech, whose social hierarchy boils down to how many severed penises you own and who reproduce by ejaculating a symbiotic mobile plant-seed once every five years. They also appear to be the dominant race in the world, with humans completely absent.
    • There are also different subspecies or populations of orcs: mountain orcs, jungle orcs, swamp orcs, river orcs and island orcs have all been mentioned.
  • Red Eye Take Warning: One-Eye's eye turns red when he scans for weaknesses. Which is promptly followed by large amounts of carnage and/or destruction.
  • Scenery Porn: Stokoe draws huge, bizarre vistas absolutely packed with detail.
  • Schedule Slip: Seven issues in over the course of two years for what was started as a bi-monthly series.
  • Sex Slave: Nypmhs who integrate into orcish society are called "love nymphs" and are mostly treated as sexual objects by orcs. The level of "slave" in "sex slave" varies, though: in Skrubtown they are more groupies or escorts and essentially free, but in the Orctzar's realm a soldier mentions a "stable" for nymphs.
  • Shatterpoint Tap: One-Eye has the ability to see the weak point in any object and break it open with a tap of his hammer, even if it is alive.
  • The Stoic: One-Eye reacts to most all things with disaffected boredom. Making his reaction to seeing Boss Beard all the more jarring.
  • Truly Single Parent: Orc reproduction is weird, but simple. Each orc's scrotum is actually a biological sack for two symbiotic plant seeds called jazzum spores. At the age of five (and presumably ten), an orc feels "the Calling" and wanders off into the wilderness. If he survives long enough, he ejaculates a spore out of his gronch, whereupon the seed uses leafy wings to fly away. Finding a likely spot, it digs into the ground and grows roots to nourish a growing, bloated vegetative pod called a thrall sack. This sack produces an average of 25 (more than double that, if the ground is fertile enough) embryonic orcs, which grow to full adult status over a couple of months before the thrall sack ruptures and spills them out, instinctively capable of surviving from that moment on.
  • Voluntary Shapeshifting: Bowie with the help of one of her potions transforms into an orc to go undercover.
  • Unusual Euphemism: GRONCH!
  • Weird Currency: And how. "Chits" are...well...slices of petrified orc junk.
  • You Are Number 6: Orcs don't get proper names. Especially badass ones are assigned a number, which is engraved in a statue of them after their death. Everyone else just goes by their title or nickname.