Web Original: Dirty Laundry: An Alternate 1980s
Inspired by the rise of pop-culture centered timelines
brought about from That Wacky Redhead
member Andrew T sought out to create his own
, this one focusing on the 1980s. So, how did he go about doing it? Simple: with an album change.
If you are familiar with the Eagles
, you should know this story: after the Eagles broke up in 1980, one of its founding members pursued a solo career. He was Don Henley and, in 1982, he released his very first solo album, I Can't Stand Still
. From this came a song which managed to reach #3 on the charts, push the album to gold and help make Henley's solo career legitimate: "Dirty Laundry".
Now... what if Henley never recorded that song
? Surely, one song wouldn't have that
big an impact on history, right
This work contains examples of:
For Want Of A Nail
In Spite Of A Nail
- Not only does Back to the Future still exist ITTL, but all but three of the actors remain the same from OTLnote .
- The plots of the OTL Back to the Future films are essentially the same ITTL, only Part II is TTL's Part IV and Part III is TTL's Part II.
- Posts involving album info reveal that The Other Wiki still exists ITTL.
- Mash still has its finale ITTL, the same Nielson rating and the same amount of viewers as well.
All exactly as IOTL. Unlike certain other timelines
, the M*A*S*H* finale remains one of the defining moments of the early 1980s ITTL.
- Ronald Reagan still gets two terms ITTL.
- Unfortunely, Billy Squier's "Rock Me Tonite?" music video is still a thing.
- "Welcome to the Jungle" is still made, albeit as a Mötley Crüe song.
- Despite it being released under Atari, the Nintendo Entertainment System only has three changes made to it from OTL.note
- We still get "New Coke". Oh, boy, do we still get "New Coke".
- Not to mention that Bill Cosby is still chosen as the spokesman for Coca-Cola. However, unlike OTL, he was devastated after what was revealed in Mullins v. Coca-Cola, saying that he was "misled".
- The Iran-Contra Scandal hasn't ("yet?") been butterflied away.
- The Impossiball is still invented in the 1980s but has a slight design modification to make it "an actual, playable ball" on top of a twisty puzzle.
- We still have a "Satanism" scare here... only worse.
- Sadly, the "Night Stalker" still ran rampant ITTL. As for how it played out? ...well...
- This post concerns two OTL events that still occur ITTL: "The Punisher"'s 1986 reboot and the Challenger disaster. The second one being a very sad case because Andrew wanted to avert it.
- The "Understanding AIDS" pamphlets still get mailed out and President Ferdinand Marcos' snap election still happens. Thanks to them happening in the same year, however, butterflies result in Defense Secretary Juan Ponce Enrile enacting a coup, declaring himself the sovereign government of the Philippines, dissolving the Batasang Pambansa and promising a "new Constitution.
- Also Cardinal Jaime Sin still condemns the "Understanding AIDS"' pamphlets. The butterflies affect him too, however; he winds up getting arrested at Manila International Airport, which helps cause the above to happen in a way.
- Chernobyl still happens but winds up being one magnitude less disastrous ITTL.
- Ready to have your mind blown? Despite "Dirty Laundry" not existing ITTL, "Dirty Laundry" still exists (albeit as a feature-length film called "The Punisher: Dirty Laundry" instead of being a short film).
- What makes this funnier is that Andrew only found out about that short film's existence after planning out the reboot of "The Punisher".
- "The Wonder Years" still becomes a thing, even with Fred Savage starring in it!
- Allohistorical Allusion: Albeit it's ITTL's Back to the Future Part III, but Marty going to 1967 counts.
I picked this date because IOTL, Kassar sold $250,000 worth of Warner stock just twenty minutes
before Warner reported lower-than-projected profits of 10% for the year. Warner stock tanked at the announcement, and Kassar ultimately was investigated by the SEC for insider training, leading to his resignation. The cloud of (justifiable) suspicion that hung over Kassar for all of 1983 crippled Atari
's reputation on Wall Street and contributed to the cascade of disaster IOTL.
- All There in the Manual: Andrew had to point out in the footnotes for "The Kiss" that Michael Jackson didn't suffer the freak accident while filming that Pepsi commercial that set him on fire ITTL. "[He] couldn't find a way within the narrative structure of Dirty Laundry" to point this out.
- It's not just the footnotes; as mentioned under Line To God, Andrew talks to the readers in regards to events of the timeline. Including stuff that isn't outright mentioned in the timeline proper.
- Alternate Techline: You can thank the Atari focus here for this trope's presence, especially with "The Home Computer Market Crash of 1984".
- Aluminum Christmas Trees: The idea of Michael Bolton being a heavy metal artist seem out there for you? Well, it's as per OTL. The fact that it appears it's going to stick, however...
- Anachronic Order: At one point, we jumped narrative wise from March 25, 1983, to December 7, 1982 (and January 6, 1983), then (technically, thanks to The Other Wiki) to August 15th, 1983.
- A World Half Full / Empty: As in That Wacky Redhead, while bad things do spring about in this version of The Eighties, good things also happen.
- Bait and Switch: The narrative of "November 6, 1984: Election Day with Don Henley" makes it seem like the election was a closer race ITTL, until it's ultimately revealed that Regan won all 50 states.
- Breather Episode: "May 31, 1985", considering the posts that proceeded/followed it. All it serves is to say that Fletch is more successful ITTL.
- Book Ends: The Back to the Future film series ITTL begins and ends with Marty going back to 1955.note
- Composite Character: The Punisher ITTL borrows from OTL's Wolverine. Considering that Chris Claremont wrote the 1986 reboot ITTL...
- Two of the Unabomber's victims IOTL, James V. McConnell and Hugh Scrutton have been combined (at least the attacks anyway) into Original Character Murray Fishbein, "owner of a personal computer store in Sunnyvale, California".
- Another example is with the TTL band "Magnatar", which isnote a combination of Slayer and the Beastie Boys.
- Creator Killer: Barely avoided in regards to "E.T. II" for Steven Spielberg.
- "The Kiss" appears to have damaged Madonna's reputation ITTL, having her blacklisted in radio stations in the South and causing "Like a Virgin" to only enter #2 on the charts, as opposed to #1.
- Darkest Hour: "As Election Season Continues" ends with it looking like Henley's campaign will still fail in spite of the turnaround, and Henley starting to loose hope.
Dave: (choked up) "It's not over yet, Don. Make your calls. Pray, if that's your sort of thing. Just don't give up."
- Different World, Different Movies: A small example, TTL's answer to VH-1's "I Love the '80s!" is MTV's "Hey, I Remember the '80s!".
- We also have I Robot... the 1986 version.
- Downer Beginning: How this timeline starts: Don Henley's career tanking.
- Downer Ending: Hanoi Rocks still breaks up ITTL because of Razzle dying in the car accident, but this time, all four people involved died.
- "Bite the Wax Tadpole" ends with Coca-Cola being hit hard thanks to the "New Coke" debacle.
- "February 1986: Of AIDS and the Philippines" ends with Defense Secretary Juan Ponce Enrile (with help from Lt. Colonel Gregorio Honasan) enacting a coup which results in him declaring himself being the Philippines' sovereign government.
- Election Night: The posts concerning the 1984 presidential election and the 1985 congressional election.
- The Eighties: Duh. Although, it's been hinted that this timeline may go past this decade.note
- Flanderization: Zig-zagged in regards to Mark Crispin Miller:
- An in-universe example comes from Rush Limbaugh's 1986 stunt of essentially parodying himself by convincing his listeners that Slim Whitmannote 's songs contain Satanic messages. While the event also occurred IOTL, ITTL he's successful in gaining the national attention he desired.
- Footnote Fever: Another trope shared with That Wacky Redhead. For example, "1985 and the Small Screen" has 34.
- Foreshadowing: Near the end of the "May 31, 1985" post, after mentioning how Back to the Future, Rambo, and Rocky IV were "the 'Big Three' movies of 1985", like IOTL:
Andrew: Spoiler: this will be the last year for which that holds true.
- Another interesting case is the existence of "The Lost Episode", a sketch-comedy show that doesn't exist IOTL. Think of it as a better, well-recieved "The New Show". Why is this an example? It pretty much gives away the fate of Saturday Night Live ITTL.
Andrew: [W]ithout OTL's bomb The New Show, Lorne Michaels doesn't go crawling back to NBC to write for SNL in 1985. Now, SNL['s] still on the air during a very lowly-regarded 1985 season, but if you think this bodes ill for its future, you'd be correct....
- In a similar vein, Fletch's increased success ITTL and that "The Goonies R Good Enough" is missing from Cyndi Lauper's discography gives away the fact that The Goonies doesn't exist ITTL.note
- Futureshadowing: The "Where Are They Now?" transcript/episode which reveals, along with other minor details, Def Leppard breaks up in 1993.
- Actually defied in "Hey, I Remember The 1980s!", where Andrew cuts the transcript short since, narratively speaking, the timeline is still in May 1986.
- Gone Horribly Wrong: Coca-Cola's plan of releasing "New Coke" to compete with Pepsi in the cola wars. How badly did this go down? By 1989, the company only accounts for 11% of the soft-drink market, as opposed to the 50% it had originally. Yeah.
- The Great Video Game Crash of 1983: ... Come again? I think you mean "The Home Computer Market Crash of 1984".
- Historical In-Joke: It's a bit ironic how John Cusack played Marty in Back to the Future, considering that was a very likely possibility IOTL.
- History Repeats: The pose Michael Jordan made, holding up the "Steal of the Century" Chicago Tribune issuenote is described as being "a mockup of the paper's other high-profile headline blunder".
- Honor Before Reason: Don's steadfast refusal to go along with Dave's plan to counteract Edd Hargett's plans to win the election, despite that it looking like they have no other options.
Don: You're telling me that I have to choose between my principles and politics, and that's not a hard choice, Dave. If politics asks me to go back on my word, to lie, cheat, and steal the votes I need to get over the finish line, well, then politics asks too much.
- Hope Spot: Apparently, despite I Can't Stand Still flopping, Danny Kortchmar hoped that he and Henley would one day take another crack at making an album. Then Henley calls up on May 21, 1985 saying he's running for Congress.
- It Amused Me: The reason why Andrew decided to keep IBM's logo as the Little Tramp bowler hat ITTL.
- Also his reasoning behind having Coca-Cola's "Project Kansas" be in all capital letters.
: [B]ecause (a) it sounds more ominous, and (b) it sounds more '80s. Can't you just picture a secret folder in Red Dawn
labeled "PROJECT KANSAS"? I sure can.
- Also his reasoning in keeping the picture of the "Credit Card Bank", with the kid in the suit, as is ITTL.
Andrew: This toy is completely unchanged from OTL, but that picture is just so adorably ‘80s I had to include it. He’s wearing a little suit and tie!
- It Will Never Catch On: Near the end of his "Is New Wave Dead?" article, Kurt Loder says that he feels "[his] colleagues [arguing] that [Rolling Stone magazine] should declare Irish rockers U2 the 'Band of the '80s'" is "premature".
- Kick the Dog: Yeah, Kevin Gardner wasn't too kind to Henley in informing him that his contract with Asylum was done:
"Yeah, done. As in 'cancelling your contract.' As of now, you and your Uilleann pipes are headed for the discount bin at Tower Records. Your advance check is in the mail, but I wouldn't stay up late at night waiting to hear about royalties." Kevin laughed cruelly, and then hung up.
- Japanese Ranguage: A gag about TTL's Minoru Niihara's accent, which he plays into, starting with the "I glue up in Indianaporis!" campaign for placing the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Indiana. (Andrew notes that this is racist, but wouldn't have been seen as such in the eighties.)
- Killer App: ITTL's "ET The Extra Terrestrial" for the Atari 2600. ... No. Really.
- Laser-Guided Karma: An example that played the long game: Danny Kortchmar accidentally caused Don Henley's solo carrier to fail by preventing "Dirty Laundry". Then Don decided to enter politics; then he decided to run for Congress. He asks Kootch to be his campaign manager, who (after having his hopes of he and Don try to make another album crushed) agrees. And then enters Les Francis who tells Don (while helping him fix his failing campaign) to fire Kootch. And then after saying he can't, Don mulls this over... and decides to do it.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: This episode of "Where Are They Now?" aired ITTL on the same day the post itself was posted: February 28, 2013.
- Life Imitates Art: Having Michael Bolton play the lead member of the heavy metal band "Rampage" (the rival band to "Steel Cobra") on the CBS show "Dreams".
- A minor example that's also Leaning on the Fourth Wall: The "Where Are They Now?" transcript post being posted on the day it took place: February 28th, 2013.
- A similar example comes from "late April - early May, 1986"note : It was posted on April 29th, 2014 and the post starts on April 29th, 1986.
- Little "No": Don's response to Dave's newest, last resort plan to help Don win the Senate election.
- Money, Dear Boy: Andrew states that this is the fundamental reasoning why The Weather Girls were so willing to not only Sell Out, but also bother dressing up as raisins when touring as "The California Raisins".
- Mood Whiplash: After "1985 in Music: The Year In Review", we get... this.
- "Violence and Tragedy" is a short two-subject post. It starts out dealing with "The Punisher"'s 1986 reboot... before switching gears into discussing the Challenger disaster. Yeah.
- Never Tell Me the Odds: Don Henley's response to Les Francis' remarks about how his campaign's failing:
- The New Rock & Roll: An "Interem Report" was proposed to Meese Commission Chairman Henry E. Hudson concerning "'more than 100' popular heavy metal songs from groups such as Iron Maiden, Mötley Crüe, Judas Priest, Slayer, AC/DC and WASP '[containing] coded Satanic messages' that 'may be used to brainwash children'". It's rejected because Hudson feels it's "beyond the scope of [the] Committee’s authority to regulate and control pornography". That's despite agreeing with the findings, btw.
- Really though, thanks to TTL's War on Satanism, this trope has a firm place in this timeline.
- Non-Indicative Title: Zig-zagged: "December, 1984: For Those About to Rock...." actually consists of a transcript of the February 28, 2013, episode of ITTL's MTV show "Where Are They Now?"note .
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Andrew had to point out in the footnotes that "E.T. II: Nocturnal Fears" was almost a real movie.
- He also had to point out that Chuck Thompson really did like to say "Go to war, Miss Agnes!" as a Catchphrase.
- And that Weird Al winning a Grammy for "Eat It" happened as well IOTL.
- Andnote that IBM also used the Little Tramp bowler hat for a logo IOTL.
- And that there really was a TV adaptation of Stir Crazy.
- Nothing But Hits: Straight up defied. We experience the full brunt of 1980s music here, changes factored in where appropriate.
- Of course, the Billboard Top 100 keeps making appearances.
- Number of the Beast: Concerning timing with posts, narrowly averted: "Night Stalker" was only the 668th post.
- Original Character: Also as in That Wacky Redhead, it took a while for this to crop up in the form of Dave Orlovsky, Don's new campaign manager. However, he is based off of a real life person.
- There's also Murray Fishbein, "owner of a personal computer store in Sunnyvale, California" and the Unabomber's first fatality ITTL. See Composite Character.
- Original Flavour: For the timeline, "I Want a Panda".
- This also goes for the document portions of the timeline, like Roger Ebert's E.T. II review or Mark Crispin Miller's "Boxed In: TV After 1984" column.
- Orwellian Editor: *Wikipedia, apparently.
Andrew: But just try editing *Wikipedia in the Dirty Laundryverse; the damn editors keep rejecting the changes....
- Out of Focus: "Hey, Isn't This Timeline About Don Henley?"
- Lately, however, more of a focus was given towards Henley's Senate campaign and the 1985 Senate election.
- Pandaing to the Audience: Yep, "I Want a Panda" qualifies, even if Weird Al got in trouble for the song and Panda Polka Party.
Panda Polka Party and the single "I Want a Panda" were criticized by PETA as offering implicit support for China's "rent-a-panda" program, instituted in 1984, whereby pandas were "loaned" to other nations for a period of ten years in exchange for a large cash fee, often exceeding USD$1,000,000.
- Painful Rhyme: "I'm not a political singer. I wrote 'I Want a Panda' because there aren't too many words that rhyme with 'Amanda,' and I think I already used all of them in the song. And even then, I had to mispronounce 'Uganda.'"
- Pet the Dog: Atari manages to do better ITTL, even managing to go through with the deal with Nintendo to sell the Famicom overseas as the "Atari Nintendo".
- "We Built This City" does better ITTL thanks to it being a Heart song.
- Ryan White is allowed to return to his school in spite of having AIDS ITTL, even managing to live long enough to graduate (dying on June 23rd 1990 this time, as opposed to OTL's April 8th).
- Real-Life Relative: As John Cusack plays Marty McFly ITTL, Joan Cusack plays (along with other roles in the series) Linda McFly.
- Relationship Upgrade: A forced example: Les Francis tells Don Henley to propose to his girlfriend, Maren.
- Rescued from the Scrappy Heap: Believe it or not, the E.T. Atari game.
- "We Built This City" thanks to two changes: it being a Heart song, and the decision to rework it so that it leads into an abridged "Rock and Roll" cover.
- Richard Nixon the Used Car Salesman: After his solo-career tanked, Don Henley decided to enter into politics. And, as of August 4th, 1985, he is now a Congressman.
- Scrapbook Story: This makes up a large portion of the timeline currently. We have album info, movie reviews, TV Guide pages, written essays, interviews, transcripts, and so on.
- Switching P.O.V.: This makes up the remaining portion, most often than not focusing on Don Henley.
- Self-Imposed Challenge: A minor one, but Andrew revealed this in regards to Madonna's treatment ITTL:
- Sdrawkcab Name: Appropriately enough, the post concerning ITTL's Heavy Metal "Satanism" moral panic is titled "DRAWKCAB".
- Sequel Series: "Still The Big Chill".
- Sell Out: This is what The Weather Girls have done ITTL by partnering with Raisin Bran to create the song "It’s Raisin Bran!", a parody of their hit "It's Raining Men", which becomes the cereal's most successful commercial.
- This in turn leads to a resurgence of popularity for the group and a tour in 1987 as "The California Raisins". And, not making this up, this involved them wearing raisin costumes.
- Shout-Out: In-Universe, "April 11, 1985" features Bill Mensch referencing "Bunker Hill Bunny" during an interview with Calvin Thompson concerning Atari and Compaq uniting to develop the Atari Portable.
So Bill's plan was simple. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," he said, giving his best Yosemite Sam impersonation.
- Shown Their Work: As pointed out in the footnotes, "Election Results" doubles as "a helpful guide to election coverage in any timeline".
- So Bad Its Horrible: CBS's ill-fated "Movie Night in America!" blocknote , consisting of "Stir Crazy", "Still The Big Chill", and "Ghostbusters".
- Special Effect Failure: A common problem in the Ghostbusters TV show.
The special effects get more laughs than the scripts.
- Spiritual Successor: "Living in the Past: An Alternate 1970s".
- Star-Derailing Role: Yeah, it should be obvious by now, but Henley's solo career died on impact ITTL.
- You can thank E.T. II for doing this to Michael J. Fox.
- Although, given that after 2.5 years of Hollywood blackballing, he got the role of Roy Stalin in Better Off Dead, things might be turning around. After all, Ebert gives it two stars ITTL.
- Because of Purple Rain flopping ITTL, Prince counts as well.
- Take a Third Option: Sort of: Instead of outright firing Kootch as his campaign manager, Don gives him to Glenn Frey as to be the latter's new song writer.
- Take That: In-universe, we have a stunt that also occurred IOTL: Rush Limbaugh making fun of the "Satanism" moral panic by claiming that Slim Whitman's songs had underlying Satanic messages. Given how much bigger said panic is ITTL and that this stunt got him the attention he sought out by doing this IOTL, this is an interesting case.
- Titled After the Song: Yes, even though the song doesn't exist ITTL, this counts.
- Trilogy: Doesn't apply to Back to the Future ITTL. ...that's because there's four films.
- True Art Is Incomprehensible: The six minute version of "La Eile" ITTL.
Kevin Gardner: And why, exactly, did you put a six minute slide whistle solo on the album? What were you thinking?
Don Henley: Uilleann pipes. They're Uilleann pipes. And Paddy Moloney is a musical genius.
- True Companions: Don and Kortchmar, as per OTL. ...but recent evidence shows that this will be tested...
- Very Special Episode: Still prevalent ITTL, as evidenced by Family Ties having a string of these resulting in Elyse Keaton's pregnancy ending in a miscarriage and causing the Keatons to adopt a little girl they re-name Ariel Moonbeam Keaton (played by OTL's ill-fated Judith Barsi).
- Wham Episode: "January 27, 1984". Or, "Roger Ebert's Movie Reviews: E.T. II: Nocturnal Fears". The title alone says it all (providing you knew about the subject matter beforehand).
Andrew: So there you have it: proof that this timeline is not a utopia.
- "January, 1985 Consumer Electronics Show (CES)" which more or less states that the Macintosh is screwed.
- "Let's Go Crazy" reveals that Prince isn't safe from the timeline... not at all.
- "December, 1984: For Those About to Rock...." reveals that Guns N' Roses isn't founded ITTL because of Axl Rose being picked up as Vince Neil's replacement for Mötley Crüe. ... Because Vince died.
- "July 5, 1985": Don receives a visit from Les Francis who, after revealing that Don "blew a thirty five point lead in five weeks", helps Don rework his campaign. This involves demanding Don to fire Kortchmar as his campaign manager and marry Maren.
- "Bite the Wax Tadpole", which covers ITTL's "New Coke" debacle. The outcome is the equivalent of smacking someone upside the head. With a brick.
- "January 30, 1986"note . Why is this an example? Well, simply for the reveal that Bernhard Goetz, who had all charges dropped against him ITTL, becomes New York's mayor in 1993.
- "'A Tale of Two IPOs'", while mostly covering how AtariSoft Inc.note had created an IPO, ends revealing that Microsoft's IPO may be in trouble ITTL.
"By circulating a heavily-amended prospects, Microsoft is essentially inviting rumors that the deal is fishy. This is the sort of thing that can scare off institutional investors and tank an IPO."
- Wham Line: From "July 27, 1982":
"By the end of 1983, Commodore will drop the price of the C-64 to under $200, and it will become the best-selling computer of all time, selling more than fifteen million units, and driving Texas Instruments, Timex-Sinclair, Coleco, Tandy-Radio Shack, and the IBM PCjr from the personal computer market in what is now called the 'Home Computer Market Crash of 1984.'"
"'Purple Rain is the sixth and penultimate studio album by American recording artist Prince and The Revolution and is the soundtrack album to the 1984 film of the same name.'"note
- From "July 5, 1985"; also one that doubles as an in-universe one for Don:
Les Francis: "I'm not here to lick envelopes, Don. I'm here so that I can meet the asshole who's managed to blow a thirty-five-point lead in five weeks."
- A blink-and-you'll-miss-it one occurs in "APPENDIX TWO: The 1985 MLB June Amateur Draft":
Other notable picks:
LHP Bruce Ruffin (2nd round, Cleveland Indians)
1B Tino Martinez (2nd round, Baltimore Orioles)
OF Deion Sanders (5th round, Los Angeles Dodgers)
- And if you did miss it, "Hey, I Remember The 1980s!" reminds you:
Monday, September 29, 1986. Oakland Athletics outfielder Stanley "The Hammer" Burrell blasts his 11th home run in the month of September. The rookie did it in dramatic fashion, with two on in the bottom of the ninth, giving the A's a come-from-behind 5-4 victory over the Texas Rangers.
- While there's a bigger one at the end of it, "Bite the Wax Tadpole" opens with one which gives a general idea of how things play out:
"Most people today – having been thoroughly immersed in the spectacle that was the Mullins v. Coca-Cola lawsuit – point to 1985 as the 'Year That Coke Lost The Cola Wars'".
- And then there's "Night Stalker"note :
"Ramirez, who was an avowed Satanist, was identified, surrounded, and beaten to death the day after his mug shot was broadcast on national television and printed on the cover of every major newspaper in California.
- Although, really, this was already revealed thanks to:
- A footnote version in "January 26, 1986":
- From "'A Tale of Two IPOs'":
Meanwhile, another once-highly-anticipated IPO has been set back due to regulatory concerns. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission issued a strongly-written opinion letter criticizing what it called "gun jumping" and "illegal touting" by Seattle-based Microsoft, Inc. of certain of its products in advance of the planned IPO.
- From "Hey, I Remember The 1980s!", we get informed of one of the most bizzare butterflies to occur so far:
And now, here's our "big" star, Mr. Center Square himself, Kurt Cobain
- Wham Shot:
- What Could Have Been: Yeah, Andrew originally was going to have Matthew Broderick replace Michael J. Fox for Back to the Future.
- In-Universe, Don Henley responded with this after Danny Kortchmar said that the lyrics Henley and Mike Campbell wrote had the potential for a number one hit.note
When he'd shown the lyrics to Kortchmar, Kootch insisted he was sitting on a potential number one hit. For a few minutes, Kootch saw that spark and thought they might actually try and put together another album – but then Don just shook his head. "File it all under 'what could have been,' Kootch." And so he did.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: It's not really explained why the Ghostbusters TV show left out Winston Zeddemore from the cast...
- What the Hell, Hero?: This is how Henley's New York Times' editorial is written in regards to Ronald Reagan using "Born In The USA" for he re-election campaign.
"Apparently, Mr. Reagan — or whomever calls the shots on the President's staff — somehow managed to confuse Bruce's thoughtful, introspective lyrics with the usual mindless, flag-waving, America-love-it-or-leave-it nonsense one typically associates with the Reagan campaign."
- Let's just say the critics had a field day when Regan essentially called the Madonna / Michael Jackson kiss "pornographic".
- Les Francis delivers a small one when meeting with Don, calling him "the asshole who's managed to blow a thirty-five-point lead in five weeks."
- WTH, Casting Agency?: Five words: BRIAN BLESSED as Mr. Belvedere.