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- Best of the Worst: Cybernator, Panther Squad and Project: Metalbeast, featuring guest star Freddie Williams.
- Freddie opts to read the back of the box for Project: Metalbeast. It's one sentence long, and Freddie abruptly leaves after reading it, leaving Rich to stand by himself for a few seconds before he realizes he should leave too.
- Cybernator has two scenes that the group compares; one in a "strip club" with an erotic dancer, and another with a Big Beautiful Woman Sultry Belly Dancer in an alley. They comment that the latter actually looked like they put effort into it, and they theorize that it was the first scene they shot, and the rest of the movie was just them giving up after deciding making a movie was too hard.
- They call the lead actor of Cybernator one of the worst they've seen due to him being a Large Ham who does a lot of over-acting with his face, bringing a lot of attention to his Big Ol' Eyebrows.Rich: It's like Me Underwears Guy from The Room (2003) starred in a movie.
- The cyborg make-up mainly consists of pasting silver plastic onto people's faces.
- The army colonel (who has an uncanny resemblance to a young Donald Trump) and scientist in the film mainly conduct their business in what appears to be an old lady's room. This leads Rich to wonder why these low budget movies filming at "grandma's house" is a Running Gag on their show.Rich: Why is it always grandma's house? Doesn't anybody have, like, an uncle that will let them film? "We'll film at Uncle George's house. That way, our macho hero's house doesn't have doilies everywhere."
Mike: Here's my answer. In Los Angeles, when you're like a low-budget filmmaker, grandma's house is the mansion, because grandma's house costs 6.8 million dollars in Los Angeles real estate.
(Cut to a website offering Los Angeles real estate for $6,860,000 that only covers 407 sq. ft of land.)
Mike: And [a] mega-millionaire mansion, which is what they want to use, is way out of their production budget. They live in the one-bedroom, or studio, apartment where the bedroom is right by the front door, and there's like a college refrigerator and the bathroom is in the living room. That's where the filmmaker lives. Grandma's house is the lavish estate that he wrote in his screenplay. - The end of the Cybernator segment sees Freddie praise the cover art, before bluntly stating that that statement was a joke. Rich cracks that Freddie almost ended his career with that stunt.
- They call the lead actor of Cybernator one of the worst they've seen due to him being a Large Ham who does a lot of over-acting with his face, bringing a lot of attention to his Big Ol' Eyebrows.
- The Panther Squad starts with Mike doing the Bait-and-Switch of seemingly wanting Rich to do the discussion, only for Jay to do it, which Jay calls him out on for not even being subtle about it this time. Mike then has Rich do it, and Rich proceeds to explain that the movie is Belgian, but is actually Italian in spirit. When Rich refuses to explain any more past that, Mike abruptly resets the discussion and asks Jay to explain the film, whereupon the first thing Jay says is the exact same analogy.
- It is repeatedly pointed out in the discussion that out of all the other Panther Squad members that aren't Sybil Danning, none are given names (with Sybil Danning only referring to each other member as "You"). Jay even mentions that they compared the group to the Fox Force Five (even though there are six members in the Panther Squad).
- For whatever reason, in the middle of a fight scene where Sybil Danning is jumped by three guys, the film randomly cuts to an empty living room for a brief moment.
- Freddie at one point laments that Sybil Danning didn't have enough of a commanding role in the movie and wished that she had a stronger presence, only for Rich to point out:Rich: You're watching a movie from the early eighties. That was never going to happen.
- The theory gets put forth that this movie was just a "vacation shoot", where everyone just wanted to hang out in the Bahamas and everyone was on cocaine.
- After many years of having the film, Project: Metalbeast is finally spotlighted, and it turns out to be a giant disappointment that causes Mike to hypothesize that 98.6% of their film collection is just shit.Jay: We learned a valuable lesson, never look forward to anything...
- When discussing the scene of Daniel Craig injecting himself with werewolf blood in the bathroom, Freddie deconstructs the thematic reasoning for the bathroom mirror being pre-broken, only for Rich to flat out state he's full of shit.
- The crew notices that there's a Love Triangle where two men, a handsome man and a short, balding man, are trying to impress a female scientist by doing heroic things. The handsome man stalls the villain and gets shot in the shoulder for his efforts and the short man decides to stab the Metalbeast in the eye with a needle while the handsome guy and the woman keep a good distance away.Mike: Ehhhhhh... One says love more than the other. "I'm gonna stall this guy..."
Jay: One says love, one says desperation.
Mike: That's on his Tinder profile. "I'd stab a werewolf in the eye with a needle for you." Eh, swipe. - When complaining about how the Metalbeast never leaves the science facility, Rich puts forth his idea for a better film concept: Metalbeast attacking a furry convention. Of note is Mike painting the image of the military showing up to take the Metalbeast down, but they legitimately can't tell him apart from the furries, and just opening fire into the crowd randomly.
- Mike makes fun of Jay's fashion sense, even though he borrowed his sweatshirt from Mike.Mike: Why would you wear that in public?
Jay: I wouldn't, actually! You told me to not wear my black hoodie 'cause we're all wearing black.
Mike: What are you, some kinda stoner or something? Like, what is that?
Jay: You're trying to insult me because of your shirt!
Mike: You want your DVD of Pineapple Express back? I'm so embarrassed, sitting next to you!
- After the group arbitrarily picks Cybernator as the winner for being "charmingly pathetic" and decides that Project Metalbeast isn't worth destroying, Rich caps off the episode by saying that collectively, this was the most pathetic night of Best of the Worst.Rich: Everything was pitiable, but nothing was disgusting.
- Wheel of the Worst #18: Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults, Preventing Disaster at the Crossing, and Creating Rem Lezar
- Mike and Josh are made massively uncomfortable by a film on the wheel called Orgasmic Birth.
- Another tape on the wheel is called How to Sell Thousands of Dollars Worth of Plants from Home, Even if Your House is Surrounded by Huge Discount Stores and Home Improvement Stores. The title takes up more than two-thirds of the cover, and also has a black-and-white picture of a guy sitting next to a couch with a load of money.
- Mike and Josh look at How to Have Fun with Billy Bob Teeth.Mike: "Best selling tape"...oh, I was gonna say "Best selling tape in West Virginia".
Josh: Oh. They don't have VCR's there.
Mike: (Laughs) And they already know how to have fun with Billy Bob teeth.
Josh: That's just daily life.
Mike: "I don't need to watch no video about that!"
Josh: I feel like if we watch this video, we're all going to be looking like this lady on the front cover, with the caption that says "??? Next ???"
Mike: "Plus Billy Bob Boogie music video".
Josh: Oh, that's not gonna go well.
Mike: AKA Time filler. "Three thumbs up"?
(Beat)
Rich: (Off-screen) They're very inbred in West Virginia. - The cover of How to Play to Win Blackjack, which is also cluttered with loads of gambling terms, advertises that the cover layout was done by someone who works for Sierra Design named A. Burden.Josh: That's what it actually says, and I can tell, it was a burden.
Mike: (Points at the plant selling video) I mean, they could have had him do it, because at least his is like black text on a white background, you can clearly read it, this is a burden to read.
Josh: It was a burden to make and a burden to read, thanks a lot. - Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults casually mentions that Satan worshippers and homosexuals go hand-in-hand with nothing to back it up, leaving the crew dumbfounded.Josh: So they have to go outside to do their rituals, and also homosexuals.
Jay: (Laughs)
Josh: What!? What!? Woah, what!?
Jay: Just that minor little mention to connect Satanists and homosexuals in your brain.
Rich: Can you say "agenda"?- Much of the video is spent walking around a park where Satanic activity definitely took place and totally wasn't set up by the makers of the video. Signs include Satanic symbols spray painted on trees, including a pentagram that is upside-down from how Satanists normally draw them, a discarded bloody noose, and an empty bottle of xylocaine.Josh: No, it is definitely not happenstance that the second this man walks into this park, there is a pentagram on a tree, and it's not even the right way up for Satanists. It's upside-down.
Jay: Well, he points that out, and we're like "Oh, when they went to film this, they drew that on the tree and they fucked up." Someone got fired over that blunder. - When Mike says the thought Rem Lezar was more real than the priest in the video.Josh: What is this "more real"!?
Mike: Uh, Rem Lezar was more real—
Josh: Rem Lezar is real!
Mike: Oh, oh! Does he cum on you in your dreams— I mean, come to you in your dreams too?
Rich: (laughs) Mike, we're getting there, we're getting there, don't worry about it. Rem Lezar is coming!
Jay: I just wanna point out that—
Rich: Rem Lezar is coming, Mike!
Jay: Rem Lezar is coming!
Rich: Prepare yourself!
Mike: When I was seven, Rem Lezar came on me— I mean, came to me in my dreams as well.
(everyone laughs) - Jay points out that, according to the video, Satanists love anal, and apparently have a calendar for when anal is okay. They then show a supercut of every time the video says "anal".
- Much of the video is spent walking around a park where Satanic activity definitely took place and totally wasn't set up by the makers of the video. Signs include Satanic symbols spray painted on trees, including a pentagram that is upside-down from how Satanists normally draw them, a discarded bloody noose, and an empty bottle of xylocaine.
- Preventing Disaster at the Crossing is a video for school bus drivers on how to avoid getting hit by a train. When the video talks about the kids running out of the bus into the safe area, they say that it would make sense for them to keep running as far away from the collision as possible, until they run into the woods where they meet Rem Lezar and a group of cops setting up a fake Satanic crime scene.
- The gang points out that the target audience of bus drivers at risk of getting hit by a train is fairly narrow, and the primary thrust of the video seems fairly obvious.Mike: And really, they're like "Shit. We gotta tell bus drivers to watch out for trains!"
Jay: Yeah, apparently that was not common sense at the time.
(Later, after footage of a train barreling into a school bus)
Mike: And they're like "Everybody, a train weighs six millions tons, it's this giant hunk of steel that cannot be stopped! IT'S A TRAAAAAAAAIIIIN!!!"
Josh: Especially by a bus.
Mike: "Look out!"
Jay: Who would've thought?
Josh: Get the fuck out of the bus.
Mike: "This thing weighs fifty thousand tons, if it hits your car it's gonna obliterate it! It's a traiiiin! Look out!"
- The gang points out that the target audience of bus drivers at risk of getting hit by a train is fairly narrow, and the primary thrust of the video seems fairly obvious.
- Creating Rem Lezar ended up being so funny that they were filled with joy after having to watch a video about children dying in a bus-train collision.
- Mike's horrified reaction when Rem Lezar begins appearing out of nowhere and singing. Rich flat-out compares the video to Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.
- Since Rem Lezar is an Imaginary Friend who somehow appears to two separate children in their dreams, the group ends up comparing him to Freddy Krueger.
- When the boy, Zack, is sent to the principals office (for, as the others summarize, having an imagination), he asks the principal if he has any kids, and the principal says he thinks of all the kids in the school as his own. The principal clearly has a picture of his kids on his desk. Rich and Mike then simultaneously make the same joke that his kids were killed in a bus accident.
- Zack and Ashlee put together a mannequin of Rem Lezar that comes to life, but they need a medallion to keep him alive. They get a lot of mileage out of the words "come" and "cum".Rich: But there's a problem, he comes to life, magically he comes to life, but he doesn't have his magic medallion that will bring him to life... (stops and looks puzzled) In order to, I guess, make him come more—
Jay: Oh god!
Rich: —magically to life— (laughs)
Josh: Come on!
Jay: What do they have to do in order to make him cum more, Rich?
Rich: In order to make him come more to life, they need to find the Kee-ho-ticnote Medallion.
Mike: Quixotic.
Rich: They need to find the Quixotic Medallion, but unfortunately—
Mike: Wait, that makes him cum more?
Rich: That makes him come more to life, yes. Because he's already come to life. If they don't find that medallion before sunset, Rem Lezar will never cum again!
(everyone laughs) - The villain Vorock says that the medallion is hidden somewhere high, and Rich jokes that it's at the top of the World Trade Center.note Little do they know...Rich: "The highest place you can imagine is at the top of the World Trade Center. The Quixotic Medallion will be there on September 1st of 2001."
Mike: September 10th. The morning of September 11th.
Rich: "You have to be there to get the medallion!"
(5 minutes later)
Zack: That's not it, that's the Empire State Building.
Ashlee: It's really tall!
Mike: (gasps)
Rem Lezar: It certainly is.
Zack: But the building my dad showed me is much taller, and there are two of them!
Mike: OH GOD!
Jay and Rich: OH MY GOD!
Rich: (laughs)
Jay: Holy shit! How the fuck did you call that!? It was so random! - Vorock screams "WHAT!?" in a way that sounds almost exactly like Rich, causing Jay to laugh and say he didn't know Rich was in the movie.
- The crew is completely stumped as for why this film was made, with theories being tossed around as either it being a failed pilot (it could be split into two episodes, factoring in commercial breaks) or a failed Christian film (as they kept expecting the Christianity bent to show up... and it never does).
- At the end, Zack sings about the adventure they had with Rem Lezar... which Rich points out was them going to a park and getting lost.
- They try desperately to find out where the name "Rem Lezar" comes from, and end up with a load of theories involving anagrams, acronyms, symbolism involving foreign words, 9/11 and Area 51. Mike gets so frantic and confused, he straight up punches the tape off of the table.
- Mike tries to vote for Preventing Disaster at the Crossing as his Best of the Worst, going against the grain and leading everyone else to call him a contrarian for not picking Creating Rem Lezar.
- In the "Our VHS Collection" video, Mike reads off the title of every single movie they have on VHS in his Plinkett voice. There are over 1000 tapes and the video is over half an hour in length.
- Over the years, they have collected 67 copies of Nukie, and Mike lists every copy, getting more unhinged after naming each one.
- The last copy of Nukie is a French version called Nukie et Miko, but features the characters from Mac and Me on the cover. Understandably, Mike is completely confused.
- Nearly every time a sequel comes up, Mike follows up naming the title with "It happened again?"
- "Zombie 6. It happened that many times!?"
- "Witchcraft XI? It happened that few times?"
- "Fifty Fifty? I wonder what the odds of me seeing this are...Zero.
- "Hobo-Goblins—Hobgoblins!" (Jay laughs)
- The cover of their copy of Alice, Sweet Alice is almost completely destroyed. "Uh...Brooke Shields in something."
- He reads Crime Zone as Space Cop because of the similar appearance of the main character, causing Jay to laugh again.
- For The Lost Idol, "Erik Estrada is...a failed actor."
- Black Mask 2: City of Masks becomes "Black Mask Mask 2: City of Masks of Masks."
- And when it pops up again "Oh god, Black Mask-sk 2: Masks of Cities of Masks."
- Mike can't read the title Dangerous Orphans without him, Jay and Rich all laughing.
- "Peter Coyote and Danny Glover in Deadly Drifter. I'll never watch that."
- "Little Mad Guy". (Jay laughs)
- "Charlie Sheen in Fast and Fun", where the movie was actually called Terminal Velocity and "Fast and Fun" was the review quote.
- The last action movies listed are ones with very samey titles with generic action film buzzwords that flow into each other beautifully."Death Before Dishonor, Messenger of Death, Death Wish 4, Death Sentence, Death Fight, Death Kick, Death Force, A Force of One, Deadly Force, Outlaw Force, Outlaw Force, Avenging Force, Lethal Force, Night Force, Invasion Force, Black Force, American Commandos, Born American, American Justice, American Ninja 2, American Tiger, American Tigers, Gen-X Cops, Karate Cop, Karate Cops, Rent-a-Cop, Cop Game, Family of Cops, Violent Cop, Karate Cop, Omega Cop, hey, Frank Zagarino, Trained to Kill, Intent to Kill, Forced to Kill, Hired to Kill, Rage to Kill, Kill Crazy, Kill Crazier, Mission Kills, Midnight Angels, Black Belt Angels, Avenging Angel, Angel Fist, Angel of Fury, Angel of Heat, Angel of Destruction, The Final Executioner, The Final Sanction, Final Mission, Final Mission, another Final Mission, Fantasy Mission Force, Mission Manila, Mission of Justice, Laser Mission, Ninja Mission, The Ninja Mission, Enter the Ninja, Lethal Ninja, Ninja Turf, Master Ninja 2, Super Ninja, Challenge of the Lady Ninja, Ninja Wars and Ninja Terminator, Deadly Life of a Ninja, Deadly Life of a Ninja, Ninja Nightmare, Ninja Champion, Screaming Ninja, American Ninja 2, Zombie vs. Ninja, Cobra vs. Ninja, Ninja Heat, Ninja Destroyer with Stewart Smith, Ninja Hunt, another Ninja Hunt, and Cryptz."
- Over the years, they have collected 67 copies of Nukie, and Mike lists every copy, getting more unhinged after naming each one.
- Best of the Worst: Spookies, Action USA and Alien Private Eye
- The episode begins with Rich trying and failing to tell Jay why he shouldn't vaccinate his kids.
- Rich breaks down and starts calling the first film Spoopies. The rest of the crew run with it.
- The episode marks the return of the "Battle of the Genres" series... which, they note, is now largely redundant, since most episodes now follow the "multiple genres" theme, and all it adds is a brief discussion at the end that usually gets edited down for time anyway.
- And as if to act as the final nail in the coffin, at the end of the video, everyone abruptly remembers that this isn't "Best of the Worst", and have to awkwardly swap rules on the fly.note Rich: So now, we're at the part of the night where we have to figure out which of these movies is the- (stalls)Jay: ... Oh, shit.
- They ultimately conclude that, via the "Battle of the Genres" rules, "Action USA" and "Spookies" tie, meaning "Alien Private Eye" needs to be destroyed. Cue a last second argument from Jay that "Action USA" and "Spookies" actually cancel each other out, thus granting "Alien Private Eye" the win.
- And as if to act as the final nail in the coffin, at the end of the video, everyone abruptly remembers that this isn't "Best of the Worst", and have to awkwardly swap rules on the fly.note
- The back of the cover for Spookies boasts about all of the monsters in it, including "lust-crazed muck men", which causes Jay to wonder why that wasn't the title of the movie. When they get to the actual muck men in the movie, them being "lust-crazed" is far less noticeable than the fact that they keep farting every few seconds and without explanation. Rich speculates that this was an inept sound editor's idea of what a fitting "squishy" noise would be for muck men.
- They then talk about a mock nationwide controversy in which children after seeing Spoopies would fart on their siblings, imitating the film.
- Much like with Black Roses, the (sort of) main hero of this movie is clearly much older than the group of teenagers he's hanging out with, to the point that they initially assumed he was a chaperone at the party they were introduced coming from.
- A Wolfman kills a boy by pushing him into an open grave and burying him alive. The group gets some mileage from the fact that the boy doesn't appear to be struggling to get out of the grave at all.
- The main job of the Wolfman in the movie seems to be to close doors, causing the group to say he's actually Cameron Mitchell's henchman, referencing how in Terror in Beverly Hills he was constantly screaming to "Close the fuckin' doors!"
- Three members of the group find themselves locked in a room with the Grim Reaper by the Wolf Man. The crew lose it when the main hero's solution to this problem is to just dive through the door head-first.
- The Grim Reaper gets thrown over a railing and explodes for no reason. Rich says that this is because he was originally meant to appear in Action USA.
- The boyfriend of the protagonist of Action USA drives a Cool Car while wearing Cool Shades, drinking beer, feeling up a girl and carrying a gun in his pants, which immediately raises suspicion for the group that he's Compensating for Something.Jack: His dick is so small. Oh, I fuckin' love it.
Jay: I was gonna say, is this the movie equivalent of the guy who has the nice car? Is this the filmmakers overcompensating?- The opening of the movie is filled with so many things that show how stereotypically American and manly it is that Mike remarks that the only thing missing is the boyfriend eating a steak, preferably from under his girl's skirt.
- The crew is exasperated at how the protagonist is not worried at all about the hitmen that are after her and is Too Dumb to Live. This comes to a head where she goes to a country bar and sings on stage for everyone to see.Tim: You deserve to get killed. Someone kill this woman.
Mike: Ah, fuck you. - The heroesnote end up plowing their car through the house of a random (clearly low-income) family. After a very disingenuous "Sorry about the house, buddy", they drive off and the house explodes for no reason. Rich says the grim reaper was using their bathroom.
- Rich was literally jumping for joy when Jay told him that Cameron Mitchell is in the movie, only to find out he's in it for less than five minutes.
- They're baffled by a car chase scene where the heroes drive their car under the trailer of a truck, and instead of the villains chasing them crashing into the trailer and it exploding, the trailer explodes on its own for no reason before the villains hit it and the suddenly-airborne villains fly into the explosion.
- Alien Private Eye was written, directed and edited by a guy who just goes by Viktornote , who also happens to be behind the show Early Edition. Weirdly enough, those are his only two credits. Jay points out how weird it is that the only two things he made are this obscure film called Alien Private Eye and then followed that up with a network television series that ran for several seasons.
- The back of the box inspires little confidence in the film.Rich: "Non-stop action, gang wars, car chases and sexy love scenes are just some of the fun leading up to the final knockdown drag-em-out confrontation, where Lemro's true powers are revealed. But enuf' said, rent the tape and find out for yourself."
Jay: Is that what it says?
Rich: It says "enuf' said", well, it spells "enough" wrong, but it doesn't do "nuff" like Stan Lee, it throws an "e" in front of it, but it's still not spelled like "enough".
Jay: But it does say "rent the tape and find out for yourself"?
Rich: It says "enuf' said. Rent the tape and find out for yourself."
Jay: So they didn't even have enough confidence in this film that anyone would ever wanna buy it. Like it's gonna end up on some shelf, "Just rent it, please!" - The villain of the movie has a picture of Adolf Hitler hanging in his office, who he apparently worships as a deity, calling upon him for help as if praying to a god. Jack points out that even though the villain worships Hitler, he still acknowledges that he's in hell.
- The group tries to work out how the alien drug soma works, but none of them really have a grasp on it,Explanation and it's intercut with the scene where Lemro explains it to a woman, edited almost like a YTP.Lemro [edited]: Five times, you die. Five times-a couple hundred times, you die. One hundred percent, you die. After five times, you die. This drug feels almost as good as having sex...you die.
- They also point out that the characters we actually see using the drug seem to be in absolute agony, and discuss the implications of what sex is like for Lemro.note
- During the sex scene between Lemro and his love interest, Renee, the former keeps his hat on during the act. When Renee takes the hat off, she reveals his pointy ears and becomes very uncomfortable as a result. The crew remarks that Lemro immediately climaxes just as this moment happens from how the scene is framed.Rich: (as Renee) "He's either an alien or a Trekkie and I don't like either of those things!"
- The group is completely baffled by one of the villain's plans. Near the end of the film, they have Renee held hostage and at gunpoint in a standoff. Then a truck passes in front of them, which they were apparently anticipating, as they perform a hostage switching version of the Vehicle Vanish trope. They put Renee in their car and switch her out for a drug-addicted woman who looks similar, then shoot her, causing Lemro to think they shot Renee. Nobody is able to figure out why they didn't just shoot Renee, why they needed Renee alive, why they switched hostages, or how they were able to anticipate the truck that let them do this in the first place.
- Right as Jay is describing the climactic fight between Lemro and Kilgore, Rich starts to space out as the sound gets muffled... and then, suddenly...Rich: (grabs head abruptly) OH MY GOD, WE FORGOT ABOUT THE PRIEST!
- "The priest" in question is the one Kilgore encounters about halfway through the film, trying to get him to repent for his sins. This is the first and only time we see the priest, and we cut to this conversation mid-scene. And then Kilgore proceeds to spit acid onto the priest's face without warning from a skull tooth he has... which is the only reason why this scene is brought up, as Kilgore winds up swallowing it after Lemro punches him in the gut during the climax. To top it all off, as Jack says, Lemro never knew about the tooth, so as far he knows, he just killed Kilgore with one really hard punch.
- The back of the box inspires little confidence in the film.
- Our DVD and Blu-ray Collection once again has Mike reading the titles in their collection in his Mr. Plinkett voice, often struggling or purposefully misnaming them.
- Guru Mahaaguru becomes Gugu Maguguhagu.
- "Ultimate Prey, where the green beret becomes the prey! Written by Dr. Seuss."
- Due to a sticker blocking the title, Flight of Fury becomes Flight of Fuck.
- Dragon Hunt becomes Dragon Cunt, causing Jay to laugh in the background.
- "Ted Diabetes in Marine 2."
- The Uncrucibles, due to the font, becomes The Unreadables.
- "Richard Grieco in Final Paycheck."
- "Rise of the Robots. A Herbert Midget film."
- "2019: After the Fall of New York. Oh, thank God this isn't going to happen until next year, 2020: Texas Gladiators. Oh boy, we got a lot of time for this one, 2035."
- "Barbie: Star Light Adventure. Hey, it's sci-fi."
- "Robot Overlords. Oh God, Ben Kingsley and Gillian Anderson? Did you have a couple weeks off or something!?"
- "Legend of the Phantom Rider, starring Denise Crosby. Hey, I bet you're glad you left Star Trek: The Next Generation!"
- When the cover for Dark Planet comes up, the title is completely obscured by stickers. "Um...yeah."
- "The Sword of the Barbarians, hey, that's an axe, though."
- "Freaky Farley. Look out, he'll show you his penis!"
- Groupie has its title blocked by stickers. "Gro...Gro...Gr-...Groupon?"
- "Head of the Family. Literally. That's great!"
- Kingdom of the Spiders stars William Shatner, so he just reads it as Star Trek: The Original Series.
- "Chupacabra vs. The Alamo. I wanna watch that! I'm sure it's shitty, but I wanna watch it."
- "Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman. Fuck you." (Jay laughs)
- "Hobgoblins. Hobogoblins!
- "Demon Wind." (Fart)
- "Satan's Black Wedding. Another Satan's Black Wedding. Guess he got a divorce."
- "Day of the Animals. Grizzly! It's a Wurlem Gurgler fantastic fest!"
- He reads aloud all copies of Pinata Survival Island as just Survival Island, realizes his mistake, and goes back and redoes the rest.
- Alien 3000 becomes Andre 3000.
- The cover of Mad Mutilator, made up of bits of torn up paper and the title written very small on one piece, just elicits an "Oh boy...", which is immediately followed by a film called Vidocq, which elicits another "Oh boy...", causing Mike and Jay to laugh. Darna Zaroori Hai shortly after gets an "Oh God."
- Vampire Hunter Hank is presented by Taco Cart, which he reads as "Taco Bell", causing him and Jay to crack up.
- "Destroyer and Anthony Perkins. Oh! Edge of Sanity.
- Just like with Nukie last time, he reads out all 29 copies of Vampire Assassin.
- "And lastly Booty Call."
- Mike, Jay, and Rich do a Spotlight Episode on the Wisconsin-made movie Twister's Revenge. Mike says he wanted to call it a "Blacklight Episode" because they're exposing the film to the public, similar to how a blacklight exposes a stain in a seedy motel room.
- They make fun of how they clearly shot the crowd of an actual monster truck show, then filmed the stands with 20 extras for a scene in the movie. And they're clearly not professionals, since people are clearly laughing at the scene itself, and a person that looks like a child starts smoking.
- Jay explains what Wisconsin is to people not from around there:Jay: For anyone not familiar with Wisconsin, we should say that there's Milwaukee, there's Madison, and then there's the rest of Wisconsin, which is nothing but fields and farmhouses...
Rich: Well, technically there's also a football stadium somewhere up north. note
Jay: That's true. In the middle of nowhere. - An edit shows the Tanglewood Bar as it looked in the film, and how it looks now from Google Maps, still standing but abandoned, with the caption "Everyone is dead..."
- At about the two minute mark Twister's Revenge is a movie that got several of the guys into B-movies and they watched it very often way back when. This lead to a fantastic comment.Jay: Twister's Revenge is such an early B-movie that we watched that got us into B-movies.
YouTube Comment: Translation: the BotW crew's relationship with 'Twister's Revenge' is kind of like Bruce Wayne's relationship with the mugger that shot his parents.
- Wheel of the Worst #19 has Mac Culkin appearing yet again, claiming he's The Other Darrin for Rich Evans, who's been evicted from his home and is now sleeping on the floor like a homeless person. Mike: Ohh. But that's where Rich sleeps. Did you kick him out?
Mac: No, he's the big spoon.- One tape is from the mid-1980's called Massage With Siri, which instantly earns guffaws from Mike and Mac, noting that iPhone does have a vibrator app.
- Jay can be heard asking "Turn up the volume, somebody." during the viewing of Orgasmic Birth which is emphasized in editing by zooming in on him and adding subtitles for clarity.
- The panel calls the naturists in the "Naturist Lifestyle" video frauds, because a lot of them are either covering themselves, have the camera cut off below the shoulders, or are just wearing clothes.
- Rich jokes that they tried to pull people in with the younger blonde woman that they clearly hired to strip and intro the video before showing that the vast majority of naturists are much older.
- Mike says that he couldn't take the naturist video seriously, because to him he just sees all the nudist men as perverts wanting to ogle nude women.
- The discussion somehow leads to Rich wondering what the Bat-Boy's genitals would look like; Mac suggests it'd be whatever a regular bat's looks like and says to Google "bat genitals." A moment later we hear Jack groaning from off camera in disgust, wondering why he actually looked it up.
- Jack's Big "NO!" reaction to Orgasmic Birth, cringing in horror at the man breathing on a woman's neck as she gives birth, taking pleasure from it.
- The panel gave up on Orgasmic Birth about 20 minutes in, not because of the up-close birthing footage, but because of what one new mother named their baby. That name? Che pax.
- When they tried to watch another tape to compensate for not finishing Orgasmic Birth, they chose the workplace safety video that featured a crash test dummy puppet. Their discussion just turns into them listing all the ways the video dodged showing the dummy getting Amusing Injuries.
- This leads Mike to do a segue into bringing up that when he and Rich made videos in high school, they would frequently have Rich beat up a doll Rich's nana gave him as a gift. The video ends with Rich making a new one of those videos, with the same kind of doll, trashing one of their sets in the process.
- Mac's friend Shawn introduces himself, but right before he spins, Jack spins while flipping Shawn off. The spin lands, without cheating, on Hostage Officer Survival, the spiritual successor to Surviving Edged Weapons. Jack celebrates with a double Flipping the Bird while walking away.
- The panel mentions that Hostage Officer Survival isn't as entertaining as Surviving Edged Weapons, mostly because hostage situations aren't as fun to watch as random stabbings. Rich theorizes that since the video gets more insane part of the way through, that it was the makers of the video fucking around with the remainder of their budget after they shot the parts the police department wanted.
- As The Stinger for the video, Mac cuddles up with Rich in their makeshift bed on the floor, with Mac first as the little, then as the big spoon.
- Black Spine Edition #3 opens with Mike and Jay playing an extremely tense version of Jenga where the tower is made of VHS tapes. Rather than putting the tapes they pull out on top of the tower, they are placed in separate piles and one of their many copies of ''Nukie'' takes their place. This takes up 14 minutes of the video, and results in two massive piles on both sides. (What the crew didn't realize is that the weight and size of the tapes would keep the tower far more stable than the small wooden bricks of Jenga.)
- As they introduce the game and re-establish the black spine concept, Jay brings up the possibility that they might end up watching "filthy porno", referring to a real video called "I Wanna Buttf*ck Your Grandma".Mike: That was oddly specific.
- Eventually, the tower comes down, and the group winds up having to sit through all 22 of Jay's tapes... of which five are picked on the grounds that they are able to actually talk about them. That doesn't mean they picked the good ones...Jay: (to the camera) And these- just a reminder, these are the winners!
- The first tape they watch is a blank with pro sports bloopers on it, but it comes with
Unfortunate Implications since one of the clips is just two little people walking around with tennis gear on and no actual bloopers happening.Jay: That's not a blooper, that's just little people. Are they saying that little people are God's bloopers?
Rich: (Laughs)
Jay: It was just a shot of them standing there!
Mike: They were little twins, and they're playing tennis, Jay.
Jack: Yes, that's not a blooper!
Jay: That's just their lives! - Rich gets impatient with the potty training video.Rich: Oh my God, I just wanna see a kid take a shit!
- The group's reactions to California Big Hunks during the montage of Jay's stack of videos. Jack is aghast, Rich is unamused yet curious, Mike is completely stone-faced, and Jay seems to almost be into it. (Little did the crew know, there's a Making Of... Documentary
of the video!) - Venison Processing: The E-Z Way immediately begins with camcorder footage of a guy sticking a knife up the asshole of a deer carcass. They shut it off immediately.
- This winds up becoming a Brick Joke during the Best of the Worst selection at the end: Rich attempts to make a case for Venison Processing, despite the fact that the tape isn't on the table.
- The first tape deemed interesting enough for the table discussion is Chairobics, which is about a group of elderly people doing aerobics while sitting in chairs. It's handed off to Mike since he loves making fun of the elderly so much.Mike: When you teach the elderly to exercise, it's basically telling them to slightly move.
Jack: And remember, when you're old, you can't move too much, because your bones are brittle and your muscles are deteriorating and your body is falling apart before your very eyes.
Jay: And that's where the hilarity comes in.
Rich: (Laughs)- The on-site doctor giving medical advice in the video is wearing a lab coat over what appears to be a black-and-white striped prison jumpsuit, leading to claims that she isn't a real doctor.
- Rich says that Mike is someday going to pay for all of his elderly jokes, leading them to theorize that the man in the video with the oxygen tank is actually future Mike, since his oxygen tank look like a Gonk droid.
- As Mike tries to make the case for the importance of doing black spine episodes, ie. the potential to dig up gems like Don Beveridge's "Customerization Seminar":Mike: So we're doing—we're doing good work. We—we're...
Jay: Would you say we're doing the Lord's work?
Mike: We're doing the Lord's work...
Jay: No one else is going to sift through these tapes!
Mike: Much like the last film we watched—
Rich: (interrupting, mocking) "Grandma Butt Sex, we're doing the Lord's work!" (everybody laughs)
- Riding Mower Safety begins as a pretty standard safety instructional video, but it takes a strange turn when a love ballad about lawnmowers starts playing.
- Jack forces Jay to introduce California Big Hunks - and in the process, acknowledges the latter's fervent female following:Jack: I mean, I hate to play to stereotypes, but the people want it. Jay, can you please tell us about California Big Hunks?
Jay: What's the stereotype? That I'm a California Big Hunk?
Jack: That you like talking about buff guys in California —
Mike: Talk about California Big Hunks!!
Jack: TALK ABOUT MEN!!! - California Big Hunks is various male exotic dancers doing stripteases to music that Rich describes as "fart noises on a synthesizer", with each dancer getting more and more strange.
- The first dancer is a California Highway Patrol officer, who apparently fantasizes about himself doing a striptease inside a bedroom.
- The second dancer, Reno, is supposed to be a fisherman, but is wearing an outfit so strange they can't even tell what California stereotype he's supposed to be. The outfit include a torn up shirt with an image of a muscular torso on it, brown pants and furry boots, and he dances in the middle of a swamp, and wipes himself off with a dirty blanket after he's done.
- The third dancer starts off as a normal cowboy, but then once his striptease starts, he looks like a figure skater wearing a cowboy themed outfit, and he dances in what looks like an empty hotel room.
- The fourth dancer, Donny, is a graffiti artist who sees a picture of Michael Jackson hanging on a wall, then fantasizes about himself in a Michael Jackson style military suit stripping in what looks like the ruins of a 17th century castle. Cue Mike and Jack impersonating the hypothetical Corrupt Corporate Executive who coerced the poor dancer into being in such a bizarre segment.
- After the Michael Jackson dancer was a Prince knock-off, which they fast-forwarded through. Rich admits that seeing them dance in fast motion is pretty funny.
- The final dancer is a man who was stood up on a date with a woman, leading to him doing a striptease inside a locker room. This leads the group to question whether the fancy restaurant and the locker room are part of the same building.Rich: Maybe she didn't show up because he was taking her out to the gym cafeteria.
- Yello Dyno: Can't Fool Me! is an anti stranger danger video starring a yellow dinosaur that sounds like Chris Rock.
- The video has a song called "Tricky People", which Jay points out is essentially an upbeat song about perverts and child abduction.
- It tries to both inform kids about the dangers of child molesters, but also be wacky and entertaining. The result is a serious case of Mood Whiplash that must be seen to be believed.Jay: The child predator is, like, peeking and the window and WHOOP, he slips in the garbage, and it's like they're trying to make it funny to appeal to kids, but it's still a child molester.
Rich: Y'know, it's a video about, like, tell the kids "Be careful about the creepy adults who are going to take photos of you sexualized." And they do that by takingan actual girl and they film her sexualized in this fucking tape.
Jay: They kept it tame enough. But the problem comes when you start adding, like, cartoon sound effects.
Jack: Yes!
Jay: Boing! Like, don't do that!
- At the end of the video, Jay announces that it's time to pick the Best of the Worst. Out of everyone at the table, Jack is the most dumbfounded that they are doing this.
- They unanimously decide to destroy both versions of Yello Dyno. Cut to Rich and Jay standing in front of a table, and Jay says they need to think of a clever way to destroy them. Before he can even finish his sentence, Rich drops a cinder block on both tapes and flips the table.
- As they introduce the game and re-establish the black spine concept, Jay brings up the possibility that they might end up watching "filthy porno", referring to a real video called "I Wanna Buttf*ck Your Grandma".
- Best of the Worst: Hawk Jones, Winterbeast, and Roar
- Macaulay Culkin is back, and during the opening description of the movies he's walking around without nobody noticing.
- Rich and Mike both call him "Mr. MacCulkin".
- Hawk Jones is a Buddy Cop Show parody where the entire cast consists of children.Shawn: It wasn't well acted, and it didn't look pretty-
Rich: Well they were five!
Mac: Child actors can be excellent!
Rich: (Laughs) You know what? You know what, I had forgotten. It slipped my mind that I'm sitting next to a famous child actor.- Things get uncomfortable when the movie decides to parody The Chanteuse character...using a little girl in an Age-Inappropriate Dress.Jay: I mean I know you're doing the cliches, but...let's pull back on this.
- Mike realizes that the film's Da Chief is almost an exact copy of the one from Space Cop, and compare three scenes.
- Rich, Mike and Mack all start talking about Star Trek. They're all in sync with each other and Shawn clearly bored and out of the loop.Rich: I wanna see a prequel that's like a science-fiction movie where a science experiment turns everyone into children. That'll explain how this world came to be. It's like that episode of Star Trek.
Mac: Rascals!
Mike: Rascals.
Mac: I beat you to it.
Shawn: Is Q responsible for that?
Rich, Mike and Mac: No, it was a transporter accident.
- Things get uncomfortable when the movie decides to parody The Chanteuse character...using a little girl in an Age-Inappropriate Dress.
- Mike passes Winterbeast over to Rich, who could not follow the movie at all, so he struggles to give the most basic synopsis of what happened in it.Mike: Does he not retain any information?
- The main villain's raspy New England-meets-Harvey Fierstein voice makes him instantly loveable to the crew.Mike: (to others while watching) I just want him to yell at me.
- Various stop-motion monsters attack people in the movie, one of which looks similar to Groot.
- One plot point in the movie is that there is a monster tooth that is kept in a box next to what appears to be a dildo.note The dildo is never addressed by the characters. They discuss the tooth while sitting at a table with a woman who seems to be completely unrelated to the story.Policeman: It could just be the tooth from any large animal...
Rich: No, what about the giant dick that's next to it!?
Mac: He's like "Oh, you cared about that, too?"
Mike: "Oh yeah, that's unrelated."
Mac: "That's not supposed to be in there. Give me that back."
Shawn: And he's like "I'm showing you the tooth. This is my father's dick." - Shawn saying that his one critique of the film was that he couldn't tell that the characters were meant to be fighting a giant at the end.Shawn: My one critique of the film...
Mac: Your one critique!?
Rich: My one critique of the film is that I couldn't hear or understand anything that was happening. - Mike spills beer on his crotch, causing the entire discussion to halt as he asks Jay to edit it out and not zoom in on it and slow it down.
- The poor quality of the movie in general causes them to envision a scenario in which the Massachusetts-based filmmakers all mock someone working on the production who knows what they're doing, all with comically over the top accents.Mike: There's that one scene where the power goes out, and it's like the most basic thing ever, they just Jump Cut from lit scene to blue, and they could have just filmed a light bulb just turning off. Boom, done, that's your bridge-
Mac: "Woah, woah woah, slow down, cowboy."
Mike: "Slow down, Orson Welles! What are you doing?"
Shawn: "Look at fancy Mr. Hollywood here! "Turn out the light bulb", he says!"
Mac: "Oh, Mr. Tarantino, tell me more!"
Shawn: "Shoot your movie with "cameras" or whatever!"
Mac: "Oh, lights and things, Jesus Christ! What do you know!?"
Mike: "I got so many ideas!"
Rich: "You and your fancy ideas! You get outta Massachewsus! Here is Massajujish, we put the camera down, and it stays there, goddammit!"
Mac: "This is not how we do it in the Berkshires, alright!? Get the fuck outta here, asshole!"
Rich: "Microphone!? MICROPHONE!? "Oh, I'm from LA, I got a microphone!"
Mac: "Oh, Mr. Winterbeast guy, what the fuck!"
Shawn: "Light the shots, sure!"
Mac: "GO SOX!"
Shawn: "Like I'm some kinda god, can just snap lights on an off or somethin', the sun's gonna rise out my ass! Now get over into that field and let's finish shooting this movie!"
Rich: "It's why your kids have poor ears! They gotta- They gotta- They don't- They don't- They don't have to listen like we do in Massachewsus! Our kids have to filter out the 70% static before they can hear what somebody's sayin' in our movies, makes their ears better!"
Mike: Rich, do you hate all those scummy people from the east coast? - Mike tells Rich that he needs to start paying attention to the movies or he's off the show. Rich leaves and is replaced by Josh for their discussion of Roar. However, during the viewing of the film, when the lions storm the cabin like a zombie apocalypse, Rich laughs with a mixture of amazement and fear, and keeps screaming, "IT JUST WON'T STOP! IT JUST WON'T STOP!!!"
- Rich returns for the final summation and voting...right after Josh spills his drink across the table, making it feel like he was banished for doing so.
- Mac and Shawn muse that Melanie Griffith can easily one-up Mac's child star bragging with the fact she had plastic surgery on her face after getting mauled by a lion.
- The main villain's raspy New England-meets-Harvey Fierstein voice makes him instantly loveable to the crew.
- Plinketto #8: Demon Cop, Alien Force, Game of Survival
- The video starts with Mike and Jay waiting in annoyance for their celebrity guest, who turns out to be "Ellen Show" celebrity Rich Evans. He then walks over to the Plinketto board, amidst cheering from the audience, in order to explain to Patton Oswalt how Plinketto works.
- One particular film on the board this time catches Rich's attention...Rich: Well, you should be familiar with this one, It's... Ratatouille!
Patton: (stares dead-eyed at the camera; shakes head)
Rich: Oh, wait... Ratatou-ing
(awkward pause)
Rich: The dollar-store knock-off of Ratatouille!
Patton: (deadpan) ...I hope I don't get sued for this.- They wind up landing on it for their second film... but when we cut to them watching one particular scene, we see Patton call Brad Bird.Patton: (on the phone) Yeah, um... Listen, Brad... Uh... (quietly) I'm kinda doin' this internet show, and they're d— and we're watching, uh... Watching Ratatoing... And, I'm-I'm making fun of it, I'm making— Yeah, I know. Okay. Wh— Y— T— what, th-th— we're gonna... ...you'll sue the skin off of them. Yes, I'll-I'll say that verbatim, I'll let them know that verbatim. Okay. No, we're gonna-we're shutting that off. We're— (to the room) uh, guys?
(cut to the Plinketto board)
Patton: (about to drop the ball) Now I'm gonna try doing it this side, and see if this goes how we want...
- They wind up landing on it for their second film... but when we cut to them watching one particular scene, we see Patton call Brad Bird.
- At the beginning of the panel discussion, there’s an exchange that sets the tone of the rest of the episode:
- Patton Oswalt then later breaks down into another rant on the subject:Patton: Can we pause? 'cause I'm gonna need another one of these. (holds up shot glass) I realize my soul is screaming at me right now.
Rich: Do you regret this with every fiber of—?
Patton: I really do. I could've— I have a gig tomorrow night, my last gig was on Sunday night. I could've flown home, been with my wife, and I fucking drove to Milwaukee and stayed here, for two fucking days.
Mike: You got to see Alien Force though... I mean, come on.
Patton: Not worth it. (moves to stand up) I'll be right back.
Mike: You'd missed Alien Force...
Patton: Please, include this in the thing. I want people to know! Any other— Any slumming celebrities, like, "I'm gonna be real! I'm gonna connect with the YouTube generation, and I'm gonna go on this fucking..." No! This is a fucking nightmare (long bleep) — holy — (long bleep) — doing this — (long bleep) — mount — (long bleep) — fuck! - For some reason, during Patton's rant, the rest of the panel all freeze in place.
- Patton Oswalt then later breaks down into another rant on the subject:
- When reading the Alien Force box, Rich discovers something that genuinely upsets Patton Oswalt:
- On the final throw, Rich very clearly grabs the ball and drops it onto Game of Survival.Rich Evans: Chances favored us!
- There's the crew's reaction to what may be the single dumbest line ever heard on Best of the Worst (and this is a show that regularly encounters Neil Breen movies) that perfectly encapsulate their respective personalities."That explains common logic" (Rich bursts out with the highest-pitched cackle ever, Patton starts clapping, Mike puts his head in his hands, Jay looks at the screen then at the others in disbelief, and Jack has a D: face that just keeps getting wider)
- Patton says that both Demon Cop and Game of Survival feature women with depressing apartment art in them. Mike then tries to make the pun "Depressing Art-partment", only he somehow forgets the word "apartment", even though Patton just said it.Patton: This movie and this movie feature women with very depressing apartment art. Like really grim late 80s, y'know, you just go buy it at Spencer's Gifts.
Mike: Depressing art-...Depressing uh...
Patton: Like the chessboard with the wineglass and the rose-
Jay: (To Mike) What's happening? It's like your brain just stopped.
Rich: What are you trying to think of?
Jay: It's like you were about to make a joke and your brain just shut down.
Mike: It's a depressing, uh, I wanna say-
Patton: Wow, I'm watching a joke die in your frontal lobes.
Mike: Depressing um...
Jay: He'll get it out, just give him a minute. Just give him a second.
Patton: (To the audience) Won't you please help? Folks, your donations will go so long-
Rich: If you can find Mike's joke...
Jay: Please mail it to us!
Patton: -for the price of a cup of coffee, you can help Mike.
Mike: Uh, what is the building everyone lives in? Apartment! Depressing art-partment!
(Patton collapses on the table in laughter)
Jay: "What is the building everyone lives in?"
Rich: (Laughs) Earth! The building everyone lives in is Earth!
Jay: What was the joke?
Patton: What was the joke?
Mike: I don't know. It's- It's like-
Patton: It wasn't even a joke, oh my God, your brain shut down making an observation!
Jay: That you already made!
Mike: Oh, Lemro. What have you done to me? - It's especially hilarious because it is one of the rare moments on the show where Mike is the Butt-Monkey, and Rich gets to make fun of him.
- Similar to the Night of the Lepus/Zombie 3 experience, Patton finds that the movies start to blend together in his mind.Patton: Game of Survival features a woman named Harley who could not be hit in the head more in the space of a film. She's punched, she's clobbered and shot in the head-
Jay: Are we-? oh, we're back to Alien Force, yeah, yeah.
Patton: No... wait a minute...
Jay: Yeah, Alien Force!
Patton: [shocked realization] OHMYGOD, that wasn't- Jesus Christ!
Jay: See?! This is what these things do to you!
- Best of the Worst #83: The Instructor, Through Dead Eyes and Twisted Pair
- The Instructor stars a tiny karate instructor who the crew describes as looking like Burt Reynolds head on Joe Pesci's body, who they dub "Burt Pesci". They end up bursting into laughter every time he runs.
- The opening fight scene of the movie mainly consists of Burt Pesci beating up weirdo mooks as they stand around him in a circle only attacking him one at a time.
- One scene that baffles the crew consists of Burt Pesci having a boring phone call while leaning on a bookshelf while a woman does erotic karate poses in the background. Rich muses that it's supposed to be juxtaposition with Burt Pesci being Distracted by the Sexy.
- Jay observes that the title Twisted Pair would have been a much better fit for this movie, from its humorously large number of Groin Attacks.
- The movie is so '70s that Rich spends a few moments expressing his absolute disgust at the fashions and designs that are in the movie.
- The back of the box says that the movie was filmed entirely in Los Angeles, which Jay says is a complete lie. Rich comes up with an explanation; The movie was shot in Ohio, put on a VHS tape, the crew flew to LA, popped the VHS tape into a VCR and then filmed the TV, which also explains why the film quality looks so terrible, and released that as the final product, just so they could say they filmed it in LA.
- The chase scene in the movie ends with a very awkwardly edited scene of Burt Pesci kicking the bad guy off a cliff, who somehow manages to hang off of it while Burt Pesci tries to rescue him, only for the bad guy to let go and fall to his death. Colin and Jay joke that the actor actually died on set when they filmed the scene.
- Through Dead Eyes stars James Doohan, who the box is eager to point played Scotty on Star Trek: The Original Series.Rich: "James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek)", in case we forgot from the front of the box, "stars in this thrilling horror/murder mystery about an old unsolved string of murders and a psychic who can see how and when people will die! A police detective hunts a serial killer whose only victims are women. Turning to a psychic to help solve the crime, he discovers she is tortured by her power to see through people who will soon die. Together they are determined to catch the killer. He also seeks assistance from a retired detective (Doohan), who sits on a couch in one room and bangs out all of his scenes within five minutes."
Colin: It doesn't say that!
Rich: No, but it should.
Colin: There is a picture on the back of him sitting in a couch.
Rich: There is very specifically him sitting in a couch, and it's an action scene because he's holding a gun, but he's still sitting in his recliner!- Doohan plays a former detective who retired after he couldn't solve the murders. A newspaper is shown with the headline "Distinguished career ends in failure", with a picture of Doohan that was used for Star Trek.
- The crew pull apart how poorly constructed the murder mystery is with the police suspecting that only a man could perform the murders since the victim's throats were crushed, the killer wearing an eyepatch to lead to the Red Herring in Doohan's character possibly being the killer, and the lack of any characters that could be suspected to be the killer. It predictably turns out to be a twist where the killer is the elderly wife of Doohan's character who is unnaturally strong for someone like her. Jim offhandedly but correctly predicts the reveal during the introduction of the wife.
- The psychic woman falls in love with the abusive detective because when she touches him, she sees the two of them looking like they're peacefully sleeping together...completely forgetting how her own psychic powers work.
- Twisted Pair, according to Rich Evans, is Neil Breen's most coherent movie to date, since he was only saying "What?" every 48 seconds.
- Neil Breen's hair is so messy and wild that Jay jokes that a there's a plot point in the movie where Breen's characters had gorilla hair transplanted on their heads at some point.
- Most of the movie is filmed on what appears to be a newly built, really nice looking community college campus, but is constantly reused to represent different locations, including a restaurant, a government building, and an alleyway. Of particular note is that the only effort to make it look like a dirty alleyway is to have a bum sit against a railing, with a pair of obvious rubber rats sitting next to him.
- Jay remarks that the movie is the most Lynchian one Breen has made so far, leading to Jim responding that David Lynch would say no to that.Neil Breen: [Pointing to his heart.] I'll be right here.
David Lynch: Bullshit. Total. Fucking. Bullshit. - The villain, Cuzzx, is Neil Breen's bizarre interpretation of a crime boss, who has a deep voice that was obviously lowered in post, carries around a plate of plastic diamonds that he pets like an animal, and he has a set of sentient ceramic cats.
- During an apparent struggle between Neil Breen and a woman, Jay puts out a perfectly timed question when he spots a random painting sitting on a couch as opposed to hanging from a wall.Jay: Why is that painting there?
(The woman Neil Breen is attacking grabs the painting and smashes it over his head, with a comical glass shattering sound effect. Jay facepalms while everyone laughs.)
Jim: This is like a scene from Three's Company.
Mike: Is this real? Is this really happening? - The abusive relationship between the bad Neil Breen and his girlfriend is so poorly directed that a scene with the two of them ends with Breen just pushing the girl off a bed like it's a slapstick joke, eliciting laughter from the whole crew.
- Neil Breen's superhero scenes are shamelessly filled with so many Stock Footage Failures and Special Effect Failures that Rich invokes Poe's Law at one point.Rich: He has to be self-aware at this point, right?
Mike: That is a question that we all cannot answer.
Rich: This is too much. He's overplayed his hand.
Colin: No, I don't believe it.
Mike: Rich, you underestimate crazy. - Rich jokes that the novelization of the movie would just consist of the words "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" repeated over and over. Jim extends that and says that the book would instead be filled with lorem ipsum, which leaves the rest of the crew hanging as they struggle to understand his joke.
- The Instructor stars a tiny karate instructor who the crew describes as looking like Burt Reynolds head on Joe Pesci's body, who they dub "Burt Pesci". They end up bursting into laughter every time he runs.
- Wheel of the Worst #20: Energy & Me, Christmas with Dennis, The Thing About Money and Shape Up America! with the Silver Foxes
- While going through the selections on the wheel, Mike questions whether The Magic Video is a video about magic, or if the video itself is magic.Josh: You've seen The Muppet Movie?
Mike: I have, yes.
Josh: Is that movie a muppet?
Mike: That's a fair point. - Energy & Me stars Billy B, who previously starred in Wormania, attempting to teach kids about energy through song. The problem is that his lyrics are often difficult to understand.
- At one point, Mike picks up on a familiar sounding melody.Mike: What is this? He stole this melody. Dun dun dun-dun, oh fiesta...
Josh: Oh, it's "La Isla Bonita"!
Mike: "La Isla Bonita"!
Josh: Jesus Christ.
Mike: You fffffffucking thief! - When the video opens with people dancing primally.
Jay: I thought this was the prequel to Midsommar.
Mike: I hope this ends like Midsommar.- The video is 75 minutes long, which they didn't realize because the Velcro used to stick it to the wheel covered the running time. As they discuss who could have put the Velcro on there, the camera zooms in on Rich, who tries to defend himself by saying that The Shoji Tabuchi Show was also a long tape.
- During the demonstrations on the dance moves, the camera keeps zooming in on one particular female dancer for no discernible reason, leading them to think that the cameraman had his mind on other things.
- The video goes to black, leading them to think the tape is over. It hangs on the black for almost 20 seconds before moving on to the next dance instruction.Josh: ...Credits?...
Rich: ...Really? I'll accept this...
("Water Cycle" Dance Instructional Video)
Rich: NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO!
Mike: We can't do it!
Rich: NO, GOD, NO! NOOOOOO! NOOOOOO!
Mike: We can't!
Rich: It's like a horror movie when, like, you think the killer's dead, and it's like quiet for a moment, and then they walk up on the body and it pops back up!
- At one point, Mike picks up on a familiar sounding melody.
- Christmas with Dennis is nothing but a guy named Dennis playing Christmas music on an electric organ, which baffles the crew, since the video was made in The '80s but both the style of entertainment and Dennis himself look like they came right out of The '50s.
- Partway through the video, Dennis' sister Dyanne, also an organist, takes over. The shot of her playing shows both her hand action and her playing the foot pedals, but since the two shots are laid on top of each other, it looks like she's playing the keys with her hands and feet, with her feet somehow coming from the top of the screen.
- Among the "special guests" in the video is Santa Claus. It's actually just an animatronic Santa that moves in a strange way. The crew theorizes that he was originally supposed to be holding a naughty and nice list, and he would look at the list and then look to the left, but the list was taken away from him, so it results him him looking like he's pelvic thrusting.
- At the end of the tape, the thrusting Santa starts glowing as he comes to life. He reappears in a chair a short distance away, now played by a guy in a Santa suit, who gives a very slow and disinterested wave to the camera, then turns back into a thrusting Santa.
- Dennis puts on a top hat and suddenly turns into Frosty the Snowman, much to the crew's delight.
- The crew start pitching a recreation of the video, with Benedict Cumberbatch in the role of Dennis, and directed by David Fincher, and suddenly get to speculating that Dennis might be either the Zodiac Killer or D.B. Cooper.
- The Thing About Money opens with a girl saying that kids like her spend $93,000,000,000.Mike: How rich are you?
- During one of the musical segments of the video, the two leads are shown dancing through the streets, and Mike spots a person in the background staring at them.Mike: "Crazy-ass white people..."
- Rich says that they're going to gush over the video just because it was made in Wisconsin, to which Jay says that was the only notable thing about it.
- During one of the musical segments of the video, the two leads are shown dancing through the streets, and Mike spots a person in the background staring at them.
- Shape Up America! is an exercise video starring the elderly parents of celebrities, including Sylvester Stallone's (and Frank Stallone's) mom, Jackie Stallone, Robin Williams' mom, Lori Williams, Dustin Hoffman's dad, Harry Hoffman, and Al Pacino's dad, Sal Pacino. This results in a lot of hilarity due to some possible offscreen drama going on between these people.
- The exercises are in general poorly coordinated, but at one point Sal Pacino starts dancing to himself while the others are doing their synchronized stretches.
- Lori Williams and Jackie Stallone have some kind of feud going on that shows in the tape. When Jackie takes the lead, Lori doesn't follow her instructions, they spend most of the video as far away from each other as possible, and they make a number of catty comments at each other.Jackie: See how Sal's pulling his foot into his fanny?
Lori: (offscreen) Well look at Harry.
Jackie: He's stretching his- I'm not worried about Harry. - Within the tape are advertisements for various old people products. These include a foot scrubber (with an endorsement by Quentin Tarantino edited in) and a membership to the Silver Foxes Club, which gives a discount on travel, restaurants, cruises and hotel.Jay: You'll get discounts on hotel. Just the one. One hotel.
Josh: You'll find it. - The narrator of the tape tells the viewer not to worry if they're not following the onscreen exercises exactly, which causes Rich to burst since none of the people onscreen are in sync with each other either.
- Jackie Stallone is theorized to be something of an Attention Whore since she appears to be the ringleader behind this tape, and she's also affecting the signature Stallone lip her son has, even though Sylvester got his lip from complications during his birth, so there's no reason why she would have it. She's also the only one of the Silver Foxes to still be alive at the time of filmingnote , which Josh attributes to The Power of Hate.
- While going through the selections on the wheel, Mike questions whether The Magic Video is a video about magic, or if the video itself is magic.
- Best of the Worst: Jack-O, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, and Shark Exorcist
- Since Jack-O is Cameron Mitchell's last film, Jay and Jack take bets on what character he'll playing. They take it as a given that he'll be sitting at a desk, while Jay jokingly predicts that it will be the exact same desk he used in Demon Cop. When Mitchell finally appears, it turns out Jay was absolutely right - the movie uses recycled footage from Demon Cop.note
- Two of the characters appear to be an uppity conservative couple with a woman who has a weird Transatlantic accent. Mike correctly predicts that they believe that giving out candy for Halloween is a form of welfare.
- The opening of Rock n' Roll Nightmare baffles them for how weirdly it was put together. The plot begins with shots cutting between the band driving to the house the movie takes place in and panning, exterior shots of the house itself. They call this exactly the type of footage that would be used for a movie's opening credits sequence...the problem being that this is after the movie's actual opening credits, which was instead played over footage that appeared to have been shot by strapping a camera to a cat. The result is several minutes of uninterrupted B-Roll footage for no apparent reason.
- The premise of the movie is presumably an American band driving up to a remote farmhouse in Canada to record, but the van they drive very confusingly has both a "USA 1" vanity plate and an ordinary Ontario plate. They're left unsure if the band is American and had to put Canadian plates on their van while up there, or if they're actually Canadian but are so embarrassed by that that they pretend to be American.
- The movie ends with an absolutely ludicrous Ass Pull: None of the people the demons killed actually existed, Jon-Mikl Thor's character has actually been an angel the whole time, and he then proceeds to strip down to a male version of a Chainmail Bikini and have a hysterically awkward and embarrassing fight against Beelzebub, who appears as an incredibly stiff animatron who fights by throwing demonic starfish and runs away after just a few punches. This ends up being essentially the only real bright spot in the three movies they watched this episode and by itself was enough that they almost unanimously named it Best of the Worst.
- Following the big reveal, they point out the hilarious Rewatch Bonus that the entire movie is actually Jon-Mikl Thor hanging out in a farmhouse by himself pretending there are other people there. They especially point out the awkward shower sex scene he had earlier in the movie would retroactively become him masturbating while tonguing the air, pretending he's with a girl.
- During Shark Exorcist Jay starts to compliment the film, because he can't see the filmmaker or camera in the reflection on the car. Then the actress steps away and the camera is clearly visible.
- When voting on Best of the Worst, Rock n' Roll Nightmare would have won unanimously had it not been for Mike playing Commander Contrarian and voting for Shark Exorcist instead, despite everyone present being disgusted and creeped out by it enough to name it one of the worst movies they've ever seen, and the viewer being directly warned not to watch it even as a joke by Mike himself.Mike: It was new to the palette.
Rich: Mike, what does dirty seizure porn taste like?
- Since Jack-O is Cameron Mitchell's last film, Jay and Jack take bets on what character he'll playing. They take it as a given that he'll be sitting at a desk, while Jay jokingly predicts that it will be the exact same desk he used in Demon Cop. When Mitchell finally appears, it turns out Jay was absolutely right - the movie uses recycled footage from Demon Cop.note
- Best of the Worst: A Very Scary Christmas
- Guest star Macaulay Culkin teleports in with a click of Jay's fingers, and then has to awkwardly untangle himself from the studio's cobweb-covered Christmas tree.Jay: Do you want a hand, or...?
Mac: I got it, I got it.
Jay: Okay... You're not choking, are you?
Mac: No, I got this. I've done it before.
Jay: Where is everybody...? - Rich mixes up Michael Douglas with Kirk Douglas as the star of Falling Down, leading to the group to imagine Kirk Douglas (103 and still alive at the time of the episode's release) as the star of a Falling Down reboot which solely consists of him falling down the stairs, screaming.
- Mike gets up to his usual schtick, voting for the hugely unpopular Santa Claws as the best film of the night (even though he had to look at the box just to remind himself of the title). This time, the rest of the panel call his bluff, changing their votes to make Santa Claws the unanimous winner. They then vote to destroy Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, in spite of the praise they had previously heaped on it.Jay: This is the worst Christmas ever!
- Guest star Macaulay Culkin teleports in with a click of Jay's fingers, and then has to awkwardly untangle himself from the studio's cobweb-covered Christmas tree.
