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Fan Fic: ITS MY LIFE!
But I thought the fence around District 12 was higher than 3 feet.

A series of fanfics by "MarissaTheWriter", a pseudonym for (in)famous Fanfiction.net troll Sue Mary, and an equivalent to My Immortal and the like to any fandom that it touches.

The first fic, ITS MY LIFE!, tells the story of Marrissa Roberts, a test subject in Portal Labs who is seemingly Chell's sister, has "speshul powers" and is somehow pregnant with Wheatly's "robot ball/human baby".

The second fan fiction and a "seekwillspinoff" of ITS MY LIFE!, TEEN FORTRESS 2, tells the story of Scot, Teen Fortress 2 and their problems in high school. (Not to be confused with this "TEEN FORTRESS 2".)

The third story and a sequel to ITS MY LIFE!, THE MARRISSA GAMES, was started on Sue Mary's Tumblr, in which Marrissa, Wheatly and Chell Junor are forced to leave Portal Labs and Marrissa must participate in The Hunger Games.

There are also two stories by MarissaTheWriter that are not set in the ITS MY LIFE! continuity, Invader Zim: Born Again Christian and Real Beauty.

Links to the fan fictions:

A complete Dramatic Reading of ITS MY LIFE! can be found at seaweedprincess's YouTube channel. A reading of TEEN FORTRESS 2 can also be found, as well as one of THE MARRISSA GAMES.

Several MSTings of one or more fan fictions can be found at various sites:

    Links to MSTings 

Now has a drinking game.

Compare My Immortal, My Inner Life, Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami, Half-Life: Full Life Consequences, Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction, Marissa Picard. Not to be confused with a certain Bon Jovi song. Or any other song named "It's My Life".

The ITS MY LIFE! series provides examples of:

  • ALL CAPS- The author's notes are always written this way.
  • Anachronism Stew - Somehow in "the past" (for which the best guess is The Nineties) Back to the Future doesn't exist yet, while Miley Cyrus does, and the television of the time is black and white. (which means the stuff that isn't black or white shows up as transparent.) Not to mention Abraham Lincoln is the president, who is from the wrong century.
    Apparently, MarissaTheWriter thinks that if it’s “the past”, just any old person from the past can be written into the story. Next she’s going to have Julius Caesar give everyone printing presses.
    • Though, black and white security cameras are there even nowadays, so these existing in the nineties isn't that unlikely.
    • Also, a form of Anachronism Stew occurs even in the present: Green Lantern was released after ITS MY LIFE! began (but before (?) it was referenced).
    • And let's not mention that the events of The Hunger Games (at least 74 years after a rebellion after a series of disasters, including flooding) are only a few months away from the events of the end of ITS MY LIFE! (Britain still has a queen, London is still above sea level).
  • Anyone Can Die - They will be resurrected in inane ways anyway.
    • Though, by the end of ITS MY LIFE! in the future everyone from Portal Labs save for Marrissa, Wheatley, Chell Junior and "Atbod and P-Las" (and possibly Rattmann) is dead for real.
      • And deaths of all of them were alluded to. note 
    • THE MARRISSA GAMES tops this when GLaDOS kills most good guys, Marrissa avenges this by killing GLaDOS, Wheatley makes a spell that brings all the good guys back to life, exploding in the process, and Rugged Ralf and Fixin Feelix fix Wheatley in the epilogue.
  • Author Appeal - Males showcasing their genitalia, Chell's butt (to the degree its treated almost as a separate entity), tirades against drugs, beer, abortion, and rape, disturbingly comedic gorn scenes, inexplicable cameos, characters "o-mouthing" and "lolling", enemies being defeated via kicks (of the "roundhose" and jump kick variety), and characters dying violently then being ressurected in increasingly nonsensical ways are all things Marrissa can't seem to write a story without.
  • Awesome McCoolname: Gale's last name has been changed to Thunderpants.
  • Back from the Dead - Several times in various means. There are two main ways to become un-dead in ITS MY LIFE!: one is that when you die, you appear in "Andord Hell" and can escape from it (this is how GLaDOS and "Gabe" Jonson came back to life) and the other is that when you eat zombie taters and "dead" you will become "zomboy" (Chell's case, she later came over to Adroid Hell and turned into her "retorded normal" self because there are no zombies in Adroid Hell.)
    • More weirdly played with Marrissa herself. One of her special powers is that when she eats the zombie taters and dies (or vice versa), instead of becoming a zombie, she simply becomes alive again.
      • People are brought back several other ways as well. GLaDOS is brought back to life accidentally when Marrissa strikes her with lightning, and Wheatley comes back by Marrissa traveling back in time to bring his past self to the present to replace the dead Wheatley. The obvious and plentiful paradoxes that would cause are completely ignored.
  • Badass Family - Not only Marrissa has speshul powers and Wheatly has the Power of Love, their child, who isn't even born yet, can survive an attack from Assirram.
    • Later it's hinted "Chell Junor" may have the same powers Marissa has.
  • Marissa Can Fly To And Breathe In Space
  • Brain Uploading - Gabe Jonson turns Caroline into GLaDOS (named after her mother, Principal GLaDOS) and later Cave turns Wheatly into a robo ball.
  • Britain Is Only London - Invoked when Assirram is killing off "all the city of Englond", including the Queen.
    "Bloody no! There killin the queen!" Wheatly britished.
  • Cameo - The zombies from Resident Evil and Dead Space appear briefly.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander - The author "Marrissa the Writer" seems to be one. Her responses to some of the negative reviews are just downright odd such as when stated her jokes about Chell being mentally retarded due to brain damage were Dude, Not Funny! she replied by saying its okay because "CHELL IS JUST A PRETEND CARTOON!".
    • Also when Chell and GLaDOS fuse, she becomes known as "CHELLGADOS", most reviewers believed it to be a simple misspelling of "CHELLGLADOS" only for Marrissa to explain "I NO THAT GLADOS IS SPELLED GLADOS I CALLED HER FUSION CHELLGADOS BECOS CHELL ALREADY HAS THE LS AN IT SOUNDED MORE COOLER!"
    • As well as this exchange:
      MarissaTheWriter: ...he named it that (refers to Scot naming his baseball bat Marrissa) as a shutout to ITS MY LIFE!
      ASBusinessMagnet: This is the past. He wouldn't know about ITS MY LIFE! because it wasn't invented yet!
      MarissaTheWriter: Thats why Scot dosent rember why he called his bat Marrissa!
  • Cluster F-Bomb - Logic dropped several of them with the introductory chapter of ITS MY LIFE!'s editing.
  • Crazy-Prepared- When Doug Rattmann appears he reveals that to become immune from groin attacks he replaced his balls with the Space and Adventure cores while remarking "I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL!".
  • Cross Over - Mainly between Portal, Team Fortress 2 and The Hunger Games, there are also elements from Half-Life, Men In Black and Invader Zim, the zombies from Resident Evil and Dead Space have cameos, a super mutant briefly appears, and Marrissa cries that she has been Left 4 Dead.
  • Dead Guy Junior - All the characters have a ridiculous habit of naming people/animals/things after their dead relatives. GLaDOS, Cave Jonson, Chell Junior (a robot ball-human baby), Katty Smithereens (a koala) and Marrissa (a baseball bat) have all fell victim to this one.
  • Death Is Cheap - GLaDOS is resurrected by a lighting bolt after attempting "Sewiside".
  • Did Not Do the Bloody Research: Wheatley talks almost entirely in British swear-words. When reviews pointed out to Marrissa that these words are cusses in Britain instead of just insults like "darn" she said "(The Words) MEAN SOMETHING NOTTY? OMG!"
    • However when another review pointed out that technically they were insults too, she went back to using them misinterpreting that review to mean the others were untrue.
  • Disproportionate Retribution - So Chell is dancing... That makes it okay to shoot her in the head?
    • From The Half-World MSTing:
      Marissa has a very weird set of morals. Shooting your sister in the head because she’s brain-damaged = fine. Leaving your zombie sister who wants to eat your flesh in android hell, where she will presumably be fine since she’s not an android = WE MUST SAVE HER?!
    • Also, In THE MARRISSA GAMES, Louise Bomboms 2 (a stripper) has been attacked by Marissa... for doing nothing except her job.
  • Don't Explain the Joke - Every single time the author makes a pun, she feels the need to point it out.
  • Drugs Are Bad - Apparently "Altas" and "P-Boy" the robots drink and smoke drugs while they beat Marissa up.
    Wheatley: "He b*** wanna smoke some drugs/?" P-Body said an gave ne a drugs. "No." I answered becos drugs are bad I new from Marrissa.
  • Evil Twin - Cave Jonson is the evil twin of Gabe Jonson.
    • Evil Counterpart - The evil Teen Fortress 2.
    • Evil Knockoff - Assirram Strebor.
    • This has happened to Chapters 8 and 9 as well, and an M-rated "better" version of ITS MY LIFE! is already here.
      • Which received a simple ">=(" from the author herself.
  • Five-Man Band - Forms during THE MARRISSA GAMES.
  • Gorn - Marrissa can get really creative when writing how characters died. A select few death descriptions:
    The turrents screemed lick a screemin thing that screems an they died.
    My hole body glowed brite gold an there was a huge boom an Assirram becomed a skelton. Then the skelton died.
    An Atlas an P-Body lolled an shot me in head. "Marrissa!" Wheatly screamed an ever thing got really black an I died.
    • As well as how the Spy look's under his mask, how Wheatley became a personality core, and why Rattmann felt the need to replace his balls with the space and adventure cores.
  • Gag Boobs - At one point, due to a typo, Marrissa's fall was broken not by her lung fall boots, but by her "long boobs".
    • Also her "big squishy chest" is able to hold Wheatley, a fairly large metal ball, inside itself.
  • Grand Finale - Chapter 16 of ITS MY LIFE!.
    • ...And then a credits song was also posted and TEEN FORTRESS 2 started.
  • High School AU - Portal High School in general. Known characters are Gabe Jonson, Doug Rattmann, Caroline, Team Fortress 2 and human!Wheatley.
  • I Just Want to Be Normal - "Why cant I jus be a normal girl going to high school an have a boyfriend that isn't space lost!"
    • And guess where the second fan fiction takes place in?
  • IKEA Erotica - Averted; whenever it comes to writing sex scenes Marrissa just says "an you pervs out there Im not riting what happened next! =P".
    • Though, french kissing is described and makes Wheatley go sparks, which only leaves you wondering how he even survives the real thing.
    • Weirdly enough, while Logic does present himself as a better editor, he actually did insert a terrible sex scene. Which only led to Marrissa saying that the story is T-rated and can't have sex scenes.
    • Also, one of the reviews of ITS MY LIFE! tried to explain to the author what "wank" means:
      WANK =
      Wank means to Masturbate.
      To Masturbate is to stimulate oneself (you're already confused, aren't you, illiterate trollfic writer?).
      To stimulate someone is to yank their pénis (or Willy/man parts/privates as you 7-year-olds put it) until they get an orgasm.
      An Orgasm is that feeling of intense pleasure you get in sex.
      Sex is something that you do to make babies (as you babies put it) or have fun.
      You have sex by a man putting his parts into the lady's parts and moving them in and out and kissing each other and sucking each other's necks.
  • Insane Troll Logic:
    The evil Teen Fortes 2 was watchin the hole thing on there tv camra (but it was black an wite becos its the past so they coldnt see the nerotoksin becos it was green an not black or white so it didant show up)."
  • Insistent Terminology - Whenever a character is shocked they "o-mouth", even the ones who don't have mouths...
  • Leet Speak - The characters will regularly say "OMG" and "LOL" in regular conversation. Whenever a character laughs Marrissa says that they "lolled" or "were lolling".
  • Lightning Can Do Anything
  • Loads and Loads of Characters - While the story doesn't have too many characters, compared to Portal, which had only two (three if you count Doug Rattmann) this trope applies.
    • Even in comparison to Portal 2, Marissa's story had a good deal more characters than canon.
  • Lost Forever - ITS MY LIFE! was eventually removed by Critics United.
  • Meanwhile In The Past - Chapter 13 of ITS MY LIFE! uses it.
  • Medium Awareness: "Bad musik started to play so I new there was gonna be a fight."
  • Naked on Arrival - Cave Jonson. (And I mean Gabe Jonson who renamed himself to Cave because his evil twin (who was also named Cave) died.)
  • Neologism: "Dramakshun".
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands
  • Non-Indicative Name - "Chapter 12: The Final Battle", while it does end with Marrissa dying there are four more chapters afterwards. (Five if you count the "Credits Song").
  • Non-Jerks Avoid Abortion: "Just lick I ekspected those two JERK ROBOTS were smokin drugs an drinkin beer (P-Body had a abortion becos shes a jerk an isnt pro-life the b***)." Naturally, her kids show up in the sequel.
  • Our Zombies Are Different - Even though Chell was shot in the head, she became a zombie. And can speak.
  • Overly Long Name - Averted for the Marry Sue, which is quite surprising given what the story is an homage to.
  • The Power of Love - Between Marrissa and Wheatley, and occasionally foreshadowed.
    Little Wheatly is a powerful bad arse now becos I have THE POWAR OF LOVE!
  • Random Teleportation - The prototip portal gun, originally taking people strictly to Android Hell, by Chapter 16 also took Marrissa and Assirram to the land of dinosaurs, The Death Star and Portal High School.
  • Rape as Drama: The "rap" of the naked gurls by the football dudes in Teen Fortress 2, they also raped Heavy's gun "Sasa".
  • Recursive Fanfiction - Various. MarissaxChell and Portla 3 by Arrow-Awesome, Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition by ASBusinessMagnet, The Chronicles of DA SUs by WheatleysGurl...
  • Retcon - Whenever its pointed out that Marrissa got a character's name (or gender) wrong she makes up a story about how the character was originally named her misspelled name before they changed it to the canon version for some incredibly convoluted reason.
  • Rouge Angles of Satin - Many, many of them. Particularly, "feces" instead of "faces". Every. Single. Time
  • Save the Villain - When Chell and ATLAS end up in Android Hell. Despite ATLAS's harassing, Marissa attempts to rescue him and Chell from Android Hell.
  • Science Fair - While one proper never happens, Caroline brings Wheatley to Portal High School and he has to pretend he is a science fair project.
    “Since, you know, high school students often invent sentient AIs.”
    • However, in MarissaTheWriter's world, they actually do: Gabe Jonson later made a robotic body for Caroline, his Evil Twin made one for Wheatley and the Medic resurrected the Spy's head.
      • And the Engineer also made a time machine. Artificial Intelligence and Time Travel are probably this universe's equivalents of baking soda volcanoes and potato batteries.
  • Sdrawkcab Name - Assirram Strebor.
  • Self Insert - The author's Pen Name is "Marissa the Writer" after all...
  • Sequel Hook - The credits song of ITS MY LIFE! hints at the possibility of one, and that Ratman was not really dead and would play a role, and the prologue to THE MARRISSA GAMES repeats that.
  • Shout-Out - Marrissa quite frequently will make puns based on movies and video game names and makes sure the reader is aware of them.
    • From chapter one: "Atlas shrugged (GET IT IT'S A MOVIE!)." note 
    • Chapter two had "MISERY (GET IT ITS A MOVIE)"
      • "Put him out of his misery" is also a quote from Inception, though, as it is a given Sue Mary is a huge movie buff, she could have referenced either.
    • In chapter four, the characters are Left 4 Dead
      • The biggest shout out in the story comes when Rattmann replaces his testicles with the Space and Adventure Cores so he can have "Balls of Steel", Marrissa explains "Thats from a game called Duke Nukum Forever its funny".
    • Perhaps a more subtle one in Chapter 7 of "Teen Fortress 2" where Mr. Pursell is "drawin pictures of a dog an rabbit solvin criem."
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot - Try and guess what Sweary Guy's defining trait is.
    • Assirram also delivers a line almost entirely in swear words.
      (she seys a lot of cusses becos shes really evil)
    • Actually, the villains of Marrissa stories do that frequently.
  • Smurfing - All the "<nationality>-ing" (i.e. "britishing") words and "happying".
  • Space Is Noisy - She attempts to avert this, but ends up playing it straight anyway:
    Then I rembered, in space noone can here you scream! So I couldn't here them, unless maybe I have another special power! I thot hard to try an listen when I heard something it was….. WHEETLY!
  • Speaks Fluent Animal - Snipper can communicate with koalas, because he's Australian.
  • Spinoff Babies - Sort of; when Marrissa travels to the past she meets "Teen Fortress 2", the teenage versions of the characters from Team Fortress 2. She has started writing a Spin-Off about their adventures in "Portal High School" for your enjoyment.
  • Stock Dinosaurs - T. rex, spelled as... "trex".
    Assirram made the first portal it was the land of dinosaurs so we fot over a big volcano but a trex eated Assirram so I was happy but Assirram explodd out of the trexs tummy gettin blood an branes every where.
  • Take That - Towards the MSTers. In the last chapter they get eaten by Scot's brothers and the "liter" get punched in the face.
  • Tangled Family Tree - While not too tangled, most of the main characters are related to each other with family relationships, and identical names make it worse.
    • To be specific, Principal GLaDOS is the mother of Caroline. Cave and Gabe Jonsons are twins, one evil and one good. Gabe and Caroline (turned into GLaDOS the A.I.) have two children, Marrissa "Roberts" and Chell, through artificial insemination, but the DNA is a mixup and Rattmann turns out to be Chell's biological parent. Marrissa and Wheatley (who is actually Harry Potter) marry each other and have one child, Chell Junior.
      • Scot's family is an entirely different story: Scot's father is a dog and mother is a human. His eight brothers are mad dogs (only one has been given a name, Wulf (deceased)), and Scot himself is a dog-human hybrid. Scot and Pyro are involved in a romantic relationship, as (unsucessfully) are Spy and Caroline.
      • And of course Cave cloned the good Teen/Team Fortress 2 to make evil Teen Fortress 2 and they (evil Teen Fortress 2) cloned Marrissa Roberts to make Assirram Strebor.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball - The later chapters feature heavy amounts of Time Travel, and Marrissa (the author) frequently gets mixed up on whether or not they're still in the past leading to some incredibly big plot holes, such as Wheatley dying, so she goes back in time to before she met Wheatley and brings him to the present only to forget its the past Wheatley so he inexplicably remembers things that in his timeline have not happened yet.
    • More beautifully explained with this quote: For those not getting it, this thought in the past is impossible because, since Facebook isn't "invented" yet, no one in the past would know about it.
      Evil Heavy: We shold right a mean things on her facebook page!
      Evil Medic: No you idot this is the past facebook isnt invented yet!
      • Also, Marrissa and other characters are (or just attempt to look) Genre Savvy and are very careful not to mess up the "time streem", but do anyway: if Marrissa took Wheatley from the past she couldn't have met him in the future, because he simply wouldn't have been there.
      • Even more weirdly, Wheatley is shown to have affection to Marrissa before even meeting her.
  • Title Drop - The last line of the last chapter (not counting the credits song).
    • As well as Chapter 5 of TEEN FORTRESS 2, "ITS HIS LIFE!"
  • Training Montage: One occurs in THE MARRISSA GAMES, which is referred to a such in the fist person narrative, complete with Wheatley saying what song was playing.
    I pot Chell Junor in her krib an me an Gale did a trainin monstashe. The song was “Eyes on the Tiger” by the guys.
  • Troll Fic - Was confirmed to be such. Insane Guy of Doom (also known as Sue Mary) mentioned he wrote ITS MY LIFE! because he wanted Portal to have its own My Immortal.
    • For what this guy does when he's not trolling, see Being Human.
  • TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life - The fact is that Marrissa knows of TV Tropes:
    I GOT A REVIEW SAYIN I WAS JUMPIN THE SHARK (ITS A TV WORD) AN I AM KINNA RUNNIN OUT OF IDEAS SO I THINK ONSE MARRISSA FIGHTS ASSIRRAM ILL END THE STORY BUT IT WILL BE THE MOST EPIC AN ENTENSE END YET SO MAYBE THE LAST ONE WILL BE CHAPTER 20? FIND OUT!
  • T-Word Euphemism - Marrissa can spell a curseword covered in asterisks wrong. (Example: "b*****" (6 letters), to which closest examples are "bitch" (5 letters) and "bastard" (7 letters).)
  • Unusual Chapter Numbers - ITS MY LIFE! has two chapters threes, then goes to chapter five. There is no chapter four.
    • While TEEN FORTRESS 2 actually does have a chapter four, chapter three is called "threen".
    • The chapter numbers of THE MARRISSA GAMES are, in order: "Pro-log", one, "too", 2, 3, "fore", "4five", "sicks", "(surry I forgoat which one)", 2, "se7en", "nein" and "final".
      "Chaptar 2" is up, which is actually chapter 3, which is actually chapter 4. Marrissa is not good with counting.
      • Interestingly enough, in ITS MY LIFE!, not counting the above mistake, the author managed to count to 16 correctly.
  • Villain Ball - Why are "Altas" and "P-Boy" so evil? Who knows!
    • At one point it's stated they became villains after Marrissa accidentally left drugs and beer with them, they then smoked the drugs and drank the beer which turned them into "jersk".
  • Villain Song - Skepkitty sings one in THE MARRISSA GAMES.
  • Word Salad Title - The credits song "Im Still Want You Gone". One reviewer commented "My brain kind of tried to process that sentence and add in letters where I thought it might be plausible you were misspelling something, but this still manes no sense."
  • You Keep Using That Word - Wheatley keeps saying "wank" as the author believes its simply a British insult. Leading to some hilarious Accidental Innuendo lines such as "You can bloody do it Marrissa. Wank them good!" and "Help me Marrissa this bloody bugger is trying to wank me!"
    • More specifically, she seems to believe it means "to beat someone up".
    • Also, "god save the queen" can be found in Wheatley's vocabulary, which is actually the name for the British anthem, and not used in everyday life, and much less in Portal 2 case.
    • "Feces" is not the same word as "faces".

The MSTings provide examples of:

  • The Half-World MST:
    • Big "NO!":
      OH GOD NO
      PLEASE NO
      NOT A HIGH SCHOOL AU FIC
      NOOOOOOOOO
    • Driving Question:
      By Chapter 9 of ITS MY LIFE!, when the TF2 characters are first met: Also, is this the BLU team or the RED team?
      By Chapter 10, when the evil clones are met: So is this the RED team or the BLU team?
      By Chapter 2 of TEEN FORTRESS 2: "He waved an we got red for school." So I guess they’re the RED team, then?
      • It is revealed, however, that they became the BLU team, and then "Redman" cloned said team and made the RED team a.k.a. "Team Fortress 2". (The BLU team also called themselves "Team Fortress 2".)
      I suppose this settles the question as to whether this is the RED team or the BLU team.
  • Library of the Damned MST:
    • Missing Steps Plan:
      So GLaDOS’ super-effective plan was;
      1. Give Chell a brain damage relapse so she would Booty Quake
      2. Force Wheatley to watch Chell Booty Quake without him knowing he was being forced to do so.
      3. Tell Marissa about the zombie-making potatoes curing brain damage.
      4. ???
      5. Profit! Marissa’s Emo-Gothification and the death of everyone!
    • Porky Pig Pronunciation:
      Marissa laughs at GLaDOS, reminding her that she is immune to the nero …. nerdro … neuro … icky green farts.
  • The Unfortunate Discovery of Marissa Roberts:
    • Driven to Suicide: Both Space Core and Wheatley attempt to escape the story by jumping into a bottomless pit.
    • The Dog Bites Back: Wheatley, treated as the local Butt Monkey, after reading "time streem paradoks" almost rattles of the "This sentence is false" paradox. It is possible that he attempted this on purpose.
  • MarrissaTheWriter Second Anniversary "Reading":
Test Of HumanityFanFic/Video GamesBlue Sky

alternative title(s): TEENFORTRES S2; THEMARRISSAGAMES
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