Creator: Sue Mary
One of Fanfiction Dot Net's most famous Trolls, or maybe a parody of Trolls, take your pick. Sue Mary is best known for writing what might be the first The Human Centipede fanfiction: The Huemn Ceniped 2 The Humen Milipede yet had also written "stories" for everything from The Epic of Gilgamesh to Arthur with plots that underwent Serial Escalation.The same person also uses the nickname "MarissaTheWriter" to write stories, usually longer than Sue Mary's trollfics. Currently there are six of them: ITS MY LIFE!, TEEN FORTRESS 2, Invader Zim Born Again Christian, THE MARRISSA GAMES, Real Beauty, and HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE.Four stories written by Sue Mary have their own pages on this wiki: The Huemn Ceniped 2 The Humen Milipede, Sherlock Homes Vs Jack The Ripper, Teh Screaming Of The Lambs, and her self proclaimed magnum opus Loves Heartstrings.Her works had been MSTed by Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000. You can read the MSTings here (for Sue Mary) and here (for MarissaTheWriter).Sue Mary had favorited Oh Gosh No! Not Another Oh Gosh No! Story!, mainly for her appearance, and its author Insane Guy of DOOM, who is also the same guy who runs the two accounts. MarissaTheWriter has favorited Me In Invader Zim Oh Kami (which since then has been Lost Forever), Love Knows No Race and Oh Kami's author sinkittytail.Sue Mary, after being banned from FanFiction.Net, had moved to Tumblr here. MarissaTheWriter also had joined her on the same site. However, as luck would have it, both of them had lost their password, and therefore new trollfics now appear on Insane Guy of DOOM's Tumblr.You can also find a backup of some of her works here.
Sue Mary and MarrissaTheWriter's other works include:
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Sam B ecomes a Halfa1111
Sue Mary's first story, set in the Danny Phantom fandom, has Sam develop ghost powers while "fixin repears" at the ghost poratl. Sam then decides to be "Stam Fantom" and fights a "ghetos dinosore" and later
Dracula DARCULA, who then reveals himself to actually be "Hitlerd". Sam defeats him but gets cancer and has an operashun which removes her powars. She and Danny then go on a date and have "sexk".
Zeke and Luther Skateboard Tragedy
The first Zeke and Luther story to be posted on fanfiction.net begins with Sue Mary explaining that "Zeek nd Loother aer alyaws wear helmuts but I dond think they wuld in reel lif so i maek story were dey dont and face TEH CONSKEUNCES!" Of course that's not what most of the story is about.
Zeeke Zeeje is killed when "him baord brakens" and at his funeral Luther Luterim announces that he was planning on proposing to him. Then ghosts goats attack the city and Luther "gotted a porton pack" and kills them all, including Zeeke's ghost by accident. A character known only as "it" then says "It was a hard tragedy" to the night moon.
Dragon Age: Orgins
Consiting of two seperate stories, Dragon Age: Orgins and Dragon Age Origans 2: Jonson verus Zombies are a retelling of the events of Dragon Age: Origins from the perspective of "Commander Jonson" (or sometimes Joson, or Josnon, ect.) who is an "army guy" that ends up becoming a
Grey Warden Grey Army Guy who sets off the fight the darkspawn "monster things". Notable that every characters name is misspelled (though this is a staple of Sue Mary's stories its particularly bad in these two) and features all manner of Canon Defilement such as Jonson "going super sayin" to fight an orge like Shrek.Part 2 ends with a setup for a third story set in Hogwarts thought it has yet to written.
Arthur An Da Merder!
Claiming to be "a trial storee liek Jodi Picoult bookz" Arthur An Da Meder! has Arthur witness a murder and then accused of said crime. Despite the attempts of his lawyer "Feniox Rite" Arthur is found guilty and sent to jail where is regularly "rapped" and "beated up and other stuffs".Fortunately his friends team up to catch the real killer, though "one of the dues" is killed in the process. Arthur is freed, but "had a harsh outlook on life form now of from the hard abuse of prizon."The story was later expanded into Sue Mary's story Teh Screaming Of The Lambs, which reveals the real killer to be none other than Hannibal Lecter.
STAR WARS: YODA'S QUEST
Yoda gets a call on his spacecellfone from Anakin, who is being kidapped by Darth Vader (even though Anakin and Darth Vader are the same person). He gets involved in a rival gangerster challenge for a race (which he clearly wins), but by the time he gets back to the Dead Stark, Al Capown goats that Anakin was killed after they feeted him to space sharks. So Yoda gets angary and turns into a Super Sayin and bows up the Deth Star and everyone on it.
Harry Potter's Twilite
Edward and Bella are defectives, and find the entrance to the wizard school Howgarts, where Dummydore and Sanpe have no choice but to let them enrolls. Voldenort and "Drawde", who is Edward's evil twin (because there "isn't no villian in Twilite so I made him up to be one") plan to fire a cannon at Hogwars, and a formal battle of good vs. evil takes place.
Cloudy With a Chance of HATRED
Starts off in Flat "What." territory by being a Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs story concerning "Racial tenshun running high in Swallow Falls," Crosses The Line when it is revealed "Marton Luter King 2" is the "leader of the blak strong hold". Crosses the Line Twice when Morton Luter says lines like "HATTERS GONNA HAT!" and "Run an tell DAT homeboy". Plus, "Flin's" father suffers "Alzhemers", which causes him to start the racial wars in the first place.
The Hangover Part II: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Sue Mary's "offisial rewrite" of The Hangover Part II, this time mashing the story together with Rise of the Planet of the Apes because "Hanged over is not good movee but Planet of the Apps is!".The insanity begins with the "Hangover Gang" consisting of "Smart Guy", "Fat Guy", "ADDS Guy" and a tiger hanging out at a bar. ADDS guy takes drugs but "the needle was uncircumcised and gave him ADDS". While on his way to the hospital ADDS Guy finds a baby ape who he names Ceaser (becos it sownds cool), and donates him to science in exchange for a cure for ADDS.From there things get into weirdness levels rivaling Comics Nix, with attacks by the "unaborted" love child of "a cooger" and Bill O'Reiley, a rap battle between Ceasar and PaRappa the Rapper, and a final showdown where Stephen Jacobs uses his own gutted intestines as nooses to hang the apes with.
Dexter's Old Technology
In a twist that no one saw (or wanted to see) coming, Dexter (the Serial-Killer Killer) turns out to be Dexter as an adult. While working for the police to murder a serial killer named Tom Dynamo, he is informed that Dee Dee is "deading of kancerous". Dexter must return to his old home to see his sister's final hours.Of course nothing of the sort actually happens. Dexter ends up running over Beaver Cleaver, getting into a drag race with "Lighting Queen", and being sent to prison where he teams up with guest stars Ricky Gervais and "Sasha Bearhands Conan" to escape from prison. Meanwhile Tom Dynamo's more evil brother, Joe Dynamo, is out for revenge against Dexter...Needless to say, by the story's end Dexter has not reached Dee Dee's house.
Allegedly a Doctor Who story, it instead follows Clark Kent as he goes to stop a bank robbery. However Clark tries to change into his superman suit inside the TARDIS and is recruited by "Doktor Who" to fight his evil twin "Doctor Huh". In the meantime they make fun of Commander Shepard, fight "trasscan robots", and Superman exposes himself to a group of schoolchildren, leaving them "scarred for life".
Sue's first story post-move to Tumblr, Alien Begin is a sequel to Prometheus and a prequel to Alien and Predator. "Predator" is on a routine mission when he discovers a moon with "life scans" on it. Upon landing he discovers the moon is under attack by "zeenomorfs" and teams up with a Space Jockey to fight them off. However Pretador gets challenged by "Ahnuld" to fight in the jungles of Earth, while the Space Jockey is impregnated by one of the zeenomorfs.
Marrissa's fifth story. It appears to be a The Lorax / American Beauty crossover, and the main plot is the romance between the Once-ler and Jane Burnham, while Skepkitty, under the alias "Von Kramer", attempts to intervene. At three chapters, it is shorter than the other stories that Marrissa has written.
THE STRAIN COMES TO SESAME STREET
A crossover between The Strain and Sesame Street in which Dr. Ephraim Goodweather, Nora Martinez, the "Lettuce twins" and The Robot team up with Big Bird to save Sesame Street from a vampire-causing parasite outbreak. It doesn't work out all that well.
In the "original and offisal" sequel to Gravity, Sundra Bollocks must return to space to stop Vladimir Putin from harnessing the power of Gregor Rasputin's corpse (through his nipples, which are the power conduits) and taking over the world. Meanwhile Barack Obama goes in sear of a "pikel pizza" and ends up battling the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy's.
The Big Maltese: Stark Terror
Perhaps Sue Mary's most bizarre Massive Multiplayer Crossover yet, it combines The Maltese Falcon, The Big Sleep, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and The Cthulhu Mythos. Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe decide to team up, but get distracted and go to a fair. While there they witness the performance of Dr. Caligari and conclude he is a villain. Things go horribly wrong and Spade accidentally karate-chops a puppy's head off. Later, Dr. Caligari kidnpas Marlowe and sacrifices him to summon Cthulhu. Spade discovers the actual Maltese Falcon, and that it was in reality built as a weapon to defeat Cthulhu with.
These authors provide examples of:
- Artifact Nickname: Sue Mary originally was a parody of Mary Sues. Then she became more of a parody of trollfic writers.
- Celebrity Cameo: Sue Mary is quite fond of putting celebrities in her stories. Mr. T appears in "Gottam Gridlock", Stephen Merchant and Dwayne Johnson star in "Tooth Fairy 2: Red Dragon Rising", Mick Jagger and Bilbo Baggins are villains in Hangover Part II, Zooey Deschanel and Stephen Merchant are a couple in Invader Zim: Born Again Christian, and Ricky Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen are the "spesal guest stars" in Dexter's Old Technology.
- Crack Fic
- Darker and Edgier: Unless it's based on a work with an already dark setting, then it will usually be Lighter and Softer.
- Dramatic Reading: Some can be found here. There are nine of them so far, and counting! Even more can be found by Marionetta Susette here.
- Expansion Pack Past: From the author him/herself:Infromashun: im a haf goast haf vampeir haf gurl wif ma pet gohst unikorn Spunky. My mom deded be4 she wuz born cus of butt trouble and my ddad is domb LOL
- Lost Forever: Averted; while her account was shut down by Critics United, all the fanfics were backed up.
- Hypocritical Humor: MarissaTheWriter often makes references making fun of MSTers. Insane Guy of DOOM ran an MST blog himself before joining Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000, one of the groups who actually did MSTs of Marissa's stories.
- And usually the MSTers and people giving bad reviews will be called "falmer trollz".
- Meaningful Name/Sdrawkcab Name: Sue Mary.
- Nobody Poops: Lampshaded and averted in THE STRAIN COMES TO SESAME STREET.And F went to poop. In most storis people never poop but they does all the tim in realisitic life so F poops to in this.
- Poe's Law
- Rouge Angles of Satin
- Shout-Out: The title of "Dexter's Old Technology" may be a reference to the infamous Beast Wars badfic, "Dinobot's Old Technology".
- Small Reference Pools: Averted. She's written an Epic of Gilgamesh story.
- Stealth Parody
- Troll Fic
- World of Chaos: Sue Mary's stories basically follow the same logic as Axe Cop, only without the justification of being written by a small child.