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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
ITS MY LIFE!

The author

xxxbloodyrists666xxx and MarissaTheWriter worked together.

Hence the "goth emo" part.
  • The person claiming to be "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven" (among the reviews, where "she" says "NEDS MOAR GOFFIKS. GTFO PREP") is a "prep poser", since Tara Gillespie uses the nickname "XXXbloddyrists666XXX".
    • Alternatively, the fan fiction is a fight between Tara and Marrissa, Marrissa playing herself and Wheatley and Tara (who was taught the very basics of Portal 2 just to be able to write the fan fiction) playing GLaDOS (hence an alternative explanation why only GLaDOS favors being a goth emo and a strange dominance of the Marrissa/Wheatley pairing).

TEEN FORTRESS 2 is in fact a ripoff of "Teen fOtress Too" by CommanderBunneh

This was one of the reviews.
Evidence:

The main character is the Scout in both fanfictions.

CommanderBunneh's story was posted 05-30-10note , before ITS MY LIFE and TEEN FORTRESS 2note , so This story was posted almost a year after CommanderBunneh's story.

Same Highschool AU, only there are no Portal characters in CommanderBunneh's story.

Conclusion: Marissa has stolen this idea from CommanderBunneh!
  • Evidence for: (not mentioned above)
    • There is the "evil spy" character, akin to Cave Jonson's clones.
  • Evidence against:
    • The Scout's best friend in CommanderBunneh's story is the Heavy and not the Sniper. The Sniper in said story is now the "class bulley".
    • The school in CommanderBunneh's story is called "Fortress High" rather than "Portal High School".
    • MarrissaTheWriter's story has no Announcer.
      • However, both GLaDOS and the Announcer were voiced by the same person, so Principal GLaDOS may be considered the equivalent of the Announcer.
  • Marrissa has officially responded to this WMG:
    AN SOME ON CALLED ANOON SAID I STOL THE STORY PLOT FROM A OTHER GUY THAT IS FALSE LYES AN SANDER! I DIDANT NO BOUT THE STORY UNTIL NOW BUT U CAN SEE ITS RONG!1 SNIPER AINT BULLAY AN THE PRINPALS NAME IS GLADOS NOT ANONCER OR WHAT EVER 1 U ARE JUST A FLAMER TROLL

MarissaTheWriter and Sue Mary are the same person.

This was originally on the main page:
Recently, it has been discovered that many literary elements of both stories were plagarized from the works of another trollfic writer, Sue Mary, whose works predate It's My Life by a few months. Others have speculated that due to the similar tone and writing style of the stories, they might be the same person.
  • What precisely tipped Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 off was the words "inventioned", "seekwill" and "Homestared".
  • As a huge skeptic, ASBusinessMagnet tried to find solid proof that they are the same person. He first noticed that "Insane Guy of Doom" is the same as Sue Mary, because he had posted about a fic Sue Mary was going to write beforehand. Then he asked Insane Guy of Doom to add something to Marrissa's profile, which was fulfilled. As such, Sue Mary (= Insane Guy of Doom) = MarissaTheWriter and hence the theory is confirmed.
    • Wait a minute. Skeptic, as in Skepkitty? Then why the hell they divorced?

Marrissa Roberts (The main character)

Marrissa was one of the other people Wheatley woke up, but was severely brain damaged and hallucinated the story.

This was one of the reviews as well.
Marissa Roberts was actually one of the test subjects Wheatley tried to use in his attempt to escape previous to Chell. After Marissa was awakened from stasis she was in an extreme state of disorientation. She was delusional, mad, and in utter confusion throughout the short journey she made with the sphere. Viewing the sphere as a human personality, and unable to have children due to a medical condition obtained previous to any experiences with Aperture, the fantasy world Marissa's mind wove together included her carrying a child, Wheatley being the father. While Wheatley tried to escort her in their journey to find a portal device she plummeted through a crumbling piece of floor, Wheatley called after her but when she didn't immediately answer he abandoned efforts to find Marissa, assuming she was dead. Meanwhile Marissa was staggering around in the bowels of Aperture Science. She heard old Cave Johnson recordings, set up to advise and help test subjects navigate and saw him as a fatherly figure. Still delusional she was under the impression that he was her father, and upon hearing a recording about tumors and superpowers, she believed that she also had obtained a great power that exceeds that of any super hero. While her ubserd fantasies played out in her head she actually managed to crawl through various Aperture Air Ventilation Vents and make her way back to the top of the facility (See, people with brain damage ARE the real heroes), where she could overhear GLaDOS interacting with another human. Upon spying Chell Marissa followed her by using the observation offices that overlooked many testing chambers. She viewed Chell as a sister, and GLaDOS as an enemy like figure due to her negative gibes and sarcastic attitude. Whatever she made GLaDOS to be in her head was...her imagination.

She wandered through some older testing chambers that weren't being monitored, and stumbled across the companion cube one. Reading several collective graffiti scribbles on the wall Marissa realized that this test required the companion cube to be incinerated, and additionally viewed the companion cube as a dear friend even though she didn't know it personally. She pressed the button to the incinerator, opening it up and showing the still lit fire. Muttering something about Android Hell Marissa went to touch the fire only to stumble head first into the incinerator

and she died.

The End.
  • A story called Bring Your Daughter to Work Day runs on the same idea, but seems to suggest an alternate death of Marissa, with Wheatley trying out whether she can fly, and it turning out she couldn't.
    • Interestingly, based off the above WMG, it seems this story was in fact written by MarrissaTheWriter behind her troll facade.

Marrissa was married to someone before her experiences with Aperture.

Her surname is a little beyond research failure on families (something on which research failure is virtually impossible, except maybe if the author was orphaned nearly at birth) and she was actually already married before GLaDOS started testing and made her forget all of her pre-Aperture life save for the name.
  • As for the second marriage (with Wheatley/Harry), Marrissa didn't need to divorce with Mr. Roberts first, because in real world, being permanently stuck in a deadly lab, she would most likely be considered dead.

Chell and Marrissa originally were one person.

After Chell was let out, GLaDOS decided testing the jerk robots to be boring and brought her back, gave her amnesia and forced her to believe she was really "Marrissa Roberts". But the talk about Chell spread throughout Aperture, so GLaDOS planned a masquerade, first making the robot!Chell then a better bootyquaking!Chell. Believing Chell was a different person, "Marrissa" went back in time and told Gabe and Caroline to have two children, hence making a second Chell who stayed at the future and her body quickly was seized by GLaDOS, as the change of the past reversed the events after which GLaDOS died. Then this extra Chell was indirectly killed by "Marrissa" and there was one person again.
  • Reasons why this WMG is semi-plausible:
    • It was repeatedly stated that Chell is the only human alive in the events of Portal 2, and the humans in storage were killed off during the week between Portal 2 co-op campaign and Peer Review.
    • Marrissa knows that Wheatley was shot into space. The only intelligences who witnessed this event were Chell, GLaDOS, Wheatley, Space, Rick and Fact. Chell was let out, GLaDOS would remain tight-lipped about such an incident, Wheatley, Space and Rick are in space and from Fact's speeches it is impossible to derive anything about his past, hence, Marrissa must have witnessed the event as Chell.

Marrissa's powers are precisely the same as of a First Guardian's.

Let's recap. First Guardians glow electrically, have no facial features, therefore can't inhale, therefore are immune to gases (yet are able to speak), are nearly omniscient (only when she faces her evil clone Marissa can't use her "super detective" power), and are able to teleport stuff out of nowhere, simultaneously explaining Marissa's "Green Lantern" power and how she was able to teleport everyone from Android Hell to Portal Labs.
  • We have yet to see an FG using the electricity to kill/hurt someone directly...

Other

Portal 3's plot will actually be about...

GLaDOS' (murderous) reaction to hearing this story.

The name "Scot" is misspelling for "Scott", not "Scout".

So that people don't start wondering why the name is the same as the class.
  • Confirmed: his surname was also revealed, which would make his full name "Scott Parker".
    • However his surname is only mentioned in Logic's edited version, so it might not be canon.

In the past, Wheatley didn't love the character Marrissa Roberts, but instead the Scout's baseball bat.

Upon first meeting the character, he first thought that she was hot and pretty, but not worth his heart as the baseball bat, and upon learning that their names are the same Wheatley started believing that the female is the impersonation of the baseball bat.
  • Also, by extreme coincidence, Wheatley's schizophrenia led him to imagining that the baseball bat did everything Marrissa Roberts would do later. (Example: Scout using the baseball bat against Principal GLaDOS and Marrissa using the MEGA PAWNCH against the computer GLaDOS)

Pyro has a different suit in TEEN FORTRESS 2 from the one in the canonical works.

Her suit looks more like a Combine Elite Soldier's one, with one eye.
"Pryos eye lited up." Eye, singular?
  • Hell, Pyro might even be a Combine Elite. (The time the story takes place in is not really a problem, since time travel is really, really common in Marrissa's works.)

Mr. Sanpe from Portal High School is in fact the same as Severus Snape from Harry Potter series.

He used to be a teacher in Britain (Hogwarts is in Scotland) but he killed the principal (Dumbledore in The Half-Blood Prince) but it was not proved (hinting at a time at the end of The Half-Blood Prince / beginning of Deathly Hallows, which is Summer of 1997, just before GLaDOS was made) so he came to teach at Portal High School and changed his name (which still would be a dead giveaway for anyone from Potterverse, and explains why he dies shortly thereafter).
  • Yet there is still one thing:
    But, out of all the places he could’ve chosen to teach at, why Portal High School? WHY!?
    • Sub-WMG: An American wizardry school exists where Muggles see Portal High School/Portal Labs, and both wizards and Muggles exist in an environment that doesn't look suspicious to either, so while for Muggles Mr. Sanpe is teaching math for wizards he is teaching either Potions or Defence Against the Dark Arts.
      • It also explains how a time travel exam exists in Portal High School: to wizards, time travel is no big deal and Ingineer happened to steal one of Time-Turners (or get one legitimately since he is The Smart Guy just like Hermione) and analyze it technologically.
  • Confirmed: Harry "Wheatly" and Jenny Weasley are later sent to kill Sanpe, but Wheatly is turned into a robo ball and Jenny falls in love with Solder.

We will see more Invader Zim characters than just Gaz.

Marrissa, after finding The Half-World, also found out that the creator is a fan of Invader Zim, and hence has started writing the Zimverse into TEEN FORTRESS 2.
  • She has responded to this:
    PS I NO YU BLOOGERS ARE MAKIN FUN OF MY STORY SO WASH OUT I ALSREADY PUT GAS IN THERE~!

    ITS NOT A CROSSVER ITS CALLED A CAMO! I NEEDED A GIRL TO BE DEMOANS GILRFRIEND AN THERE WASNT ANY IN PORTAL OR TEAM FORTRESS THEN I REMBERED THE BLOOG BOUT HAF WORLDS WAS LIKE INVADER ZEN SO I PUT GAS IN TO SEE HOW SHE LICKS SAYIN STUFF BOUT YUR CHARS LIKE HOW SHE SAID SCOT MOLEST/RAPED KATTY!
  • The idea of using the Zimverse is hence jossed, but the another idea behind this, deliberate annoying of the MSTers (including The Half-World and Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000) by crossovers/cameos, remains.
  • Also see Invader Zim Born Again Christian and ITSMYLIFE Expanded Universe: while both are non-canon, both are Invader Zim trollfics that are related to Marrissa.


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