I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
...and it crashes, killing me and everyone on board.
The next poster is a Killer T-cell.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Oh Captain!~
The body I work for contracts HIV.
TNP is bowling.
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying inside
I'm bowling with Scootaloo, whose bowling ball ricochets right into my brain. The unicorn doctors have never seen a human before, so they don't know how to put a human skull back together. Ouch. That's never going to make it onto TV.
The next poster is petting a hippogriff.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
Someone insults it and it decapitates me with its talons.
The Draftsman of Doom
I make him late for work...
The next poster is hanging onto a wristwatch for dear life.
Feels good, don't it?It's not the fall that kills me, nor the sudden stop at the end. I fall into the open mouth of a hungry manticore. I'm kitty chow.
The next poster is a Vampire Hunter with a pet vampire-eating manticore.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
Not Sherlock Holmes
Unfortunately, a vampire I stupidly tried to romance bit me. I am turned into a vampire while my manticore is nearby. Fill in the blank.
TNP is making spaghetti.
“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”
Oh Captain!~
Suddenly, I'm hit by a rogue shrink ray. I lose my balance and fall into the pot, cooking myself to death.
TNP presses 'R' to try again.
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying inside
Space Molly Weasley
My finger slips and presses F by mistake, and a giant F falls from the sky and crushes me.
TNP is saving a dragon from a princess.
"Anemone dear, I know you want to be more independent from me, but... please take care, okay?"The princess strangles us both in her deadly hug.
The next poster is in a graveyard with a gas mask, a shovel, a Wooden Stake, a sledgehammer, and a white virgin stallion.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
Not Sherlock Holmes
I come up with a plan to castrate the stallion using the hammer and stake. As I am on a seesaw with the shovel as the lever, the horse steps on it and catapults me onto the gas mask, which gets shoved somewhere unpleasant. I die of internal injuries.
TNP is a gravedigger at said graveyard.
“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”
The Draftsman of Doom
I play golf, then die of pesticide poisoning.
The next poster is Alvin Seville in a bad Fan-Fic.
Feels good, don't it?
The Draftsman of Doom
An Eldritch Troper
I get killed in an absolutely non-kid friendly manner, as is the nature of bad fan fics.
TNP is to be sent to the electric chair.
Humanity is defined by its absurdity, and I am no exception.
The Fourth-Placers' Revenge
Just as I'm about to be strapped in, there's a power outage. I take advantage of the distraction to knock out my guards and make a break for it. However, the police are soon on my trail and surround me with their tasers. I'm forced to clamber up a power line to escape them. As I'm delicately balanced on the wires, a thunderstorm starts, and I leap through the window of the nearest building for shelter. Said building happens to be the Fire Nation embassy, where Princess Azula isn't too pleased with some fugitive interrupting her nail-trimming session. As she begins shooting lightning at me, I run for the stairs... only to trip and break my neck tumbling down the steps.
The next poster is getting their nails done.
I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.Some maniac mistakes my fingernails for building nails and grabs a hammer. I pass out from the pain and hit my head on a mirror, which shatters. A sharp shard of mirror goes through my ear and into my brain.
The next poster is Writing Lines.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
My pencil is worn down, so I sharpen it. I don't pay attention, and sharpen my fingers along with the pencil. I bleed out gruesomely.
The next poster gained the power of Intangibility.
The Fourth-Placers' Revenge
With solid ground unable to support me, I plunge straight through the earth's crust and get cooked on the way to the core.
The next poster is doing laundry.
I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.
Oh Captain!~
The washing machine breaks, the laundry room door happens to be locked, and I drown.
TNP is tap dancing on a stage.
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideI'm tap-dancing because the disgruntled hungry bunny that I forgot to feed jammed my fingers in an electric socket. After I finish my tap-dancing convulsions, Reality Ensues via High-Voltage Death.
A werewolf challenged the next poster to a Duel of Seduction.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
I lose, and the werewolf convinces me to jump off a cliff.
The next poster accidentally sniffed some pepper.
Edited by jaketroper on Feb 22nd 2020 at 12:36:09 PM
It wasn't a rock
All of those flakes get into my sinuses, and I sneeze so violently that my head explodes into several bloody chunks.
TNP is fighting Dracula... in Smash Ultimate
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die (all editions) progress: 426/1089 (39.12%)My complete unfamiliarity with the game results in me getting curb stomped all the way into a coffin.
The next poster adopts a fancy rat.
If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
amazing glazing
Unfortunately, I live in the 19th century and said fancy rat is carrying the plague after being attacked by a flea. After the rat bites me, I contract the plague too and die horribly.
TNP is at the barbers.
i think i’m in love (probably just hungry)
Since I was Put on a Bus, I'm never seen again.
The Bus Came Back for the next poster.
"I like girls, but now, it's about justice."