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Theatre / Starmites

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Thousands of years ago in Inner space, master villain Shak Graa created the Cruelty, a musical weapon of unimaginable power, in order to rule all beings. The goddess Aragala sealed the Cruelty away and created a plethora of prophecies about it.

Fast forward to the 1980s on Earth when Eleanor, a girl obsessed with comic books, is approached by Shak Graa. He abducts her and transports her to inner space, a war-torn civilization ruled by Diva and her tribe of cannibalistic amazons, the Banshees, who hunt the punk guardians of the universe, the Starmites. Shak Graa demands that Eleanor return his Cruelty to him so that he may rule all of inner space. She is saved by the timely arrival of Space Punk, leader of the Starmites. He instantly falls in love with her. Along with the other Starmites, they set out to fulfil the prophecy. Well, one of them anyway.

This is the premise of the 1987 musical comedy Starmites by Barry Keating. It is full of puns, lampshade hangings, black comedy, cannibalism as a metaphor for sex, and scenery chewing.


Starmites contains examples of:

  • Always Save the Girl: Space Punk saves Eleanor... only to abandon her again.
  • Amazon Chaser: Space Punk instantly falls in love with Eleanor, who he believes to be the legendary Milady, a superheroine who can floor him and all his men with a single gesture of her magic bracelets.
  • The Chosen One: An interesting example, as there are multiple prophecies about different people.
    • Eleanor is the prophesied Milady who will destroy the Cruelty and save all of inner space from the clutches of Shak Graa.
    • Bizarbara is needed to find the Cruelty.
  • Evil is Hammy: All of the characters are hammy, but Shak Graa takes it to a whole new level.
  • Evil Laugh: Shak Graa has a glorious one that he promptly lampshades.
    Shak Graa: So tell me, what part of ‘Mwahahaha’ don’t you understand?
  • Evil Weapon: The Cruelty, a musical instrument created by Shak Graa that he wants to use to take over Innerspace.
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  • Grand Theft Me: Shotzi is briefly taken over by the Aragala.
  • I Just Want to Be Special: Eleanor absolutely hates her boring, normal life back on Earth.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: The Banshees are all this, but special mention must go to Cannibelle.
  • Implied Death Threat: When Shotzi brings up a prophecy that Diva would misunderstand one of the important prophecies, Diva mentions another one that says Shotzi won't live to grow old.
  • "I Want" Song: "Superhero Girl", "I Want My Cruelty Back", and "Bizarbara's Wedding"
  • The Performer King: Diva, the queen of the Banshees, enjoys performing, using her Banshees as her backup singers.
  • Prophecy Pileup: Aragala created a lot of prophecies.
    • The two most repeated are:
      • When Milady returns from the world of men, then the Cruelty shall be found again.
      • When Bizarbara's wedding vows are sealed, then shall the Cruelty be revealed.
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    • It gets to the point where characters have to ask each other which prophecy they are talking about at the time.
      Diva: Finally the prophecy has been fulfilled!
      Cannibelle: Wait, which proph—
      Diva: Don't go there Cannibelle.
  • Punny Name/Meaningful Name: Everywhere... To name a few:
  • She Is Not My Girlfriend: After Eleanor keeps the Starmites from ganging up on Trinculus, he fawns on her and Space Punk and offers to sing a romantic song for the "lovebirds." Eleanor denies that they're lovebirds, though given her reaction later when she learns Space Punk loves her, it seems more as though she wanted to downplay it in case he didn't return her feelings.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Most of the Banshees exhibit this at some point when addressing Diva. Shotzi in particular.
    Shotzi: But Diva, what about the prophecy that said you would totally misunderstand that prophecy?
    Diva: What about the prophecy that said you're GONNA DIE YOUNG!
  • World of Ham: If the characters aren’t hammy, then they are woefully miscast.
    • Ham-to-Ham Combat: Almost anytime two characters are on stage together, they try to out-ham each other.


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