The episode opens with Calvin and Hobbes arguing over Susie, eventually coming to a truce. They decide to get a game of Calvinball started, but Andy isn't really willing. Eventually, he sort of reveals that he's interested in a girl, but too shy to ask her. Hobbes poorly attempts to explain love to him, and he fails to gather the courage to call her that night.
Next morning, he's attempting to type a thirty-six page long list of conversation topics. Shortly after, they go down to the park to meet Maria (the love interest), and their conversation doesn't go over well... not especially when she reveals she's more interested in Calvin.
Needless to say, Calvin ends up a wreck, but his sadness is halted by the arrival of an irate Andy, who challenges him to a contest to see who gets Maria's love.
The contest doesn't go over well - Andy does reasonably well, while Calvin is flat-out terrible at impressing her. She actually likes Calvin, thinking he did it intentionally bad, and Andy eventually accepts that he's not ready for girlfriends yet.
- A Day in the Limelight: For Andy.
- Beat: The narrator notes this:There was a long silence.
And not your standard pause. We're talking six ice ages later pause.
- Big "NO!", Big "WHAT?!", and Big "SHUT UP!" (in that order): Calvin denying Hobbes' claims at the beginning.
- Calvin's mom also does the last one to halt Calvin's Overly Long Scream.
- *Cough* Snark *Cough*: A variant - Andy coughs quite heavily while trying to confess his love to Maria.
- Hand Wave: Hobbes picks up a telephone in Calvin's room that "was there just for the sake of the story".
- Ironic, considering Calvin had and used a telephone there in the original strip.
- Heroic BSoD: Calvin suffers one when he finds out Maria likes him.
- The Hyena: The Lemony Narrator outright lampshades it:Have we ever discussed Socrates' laughter? He starts out laughing at whatever it was that amused him. Then he keeps laughing. It goes on and on, until finally he's just laughing at the fact that he's still laughing. The laughter stops whenever he passes out, or finally decides to calm down and try to catch his breath.
- I Have This Friend...: Andy tries this. Socrates thinks it's him.
- Interspecies Romance: Hobbes thinks Maria isn't bad looking.
- Literal-Minded: Calvin wants to know what Andy plans to do with Maria's heart if he wins it.
- Long List: Andy's list of conversation topics clocks in at thirty-six pages.
- Love Allegory: One that goes off the rails, as shown below under Metaphorgotten.
- Love Triangle: Between Andy, Maria, and Calvin.
- Metaphorgotten: "OW! Love just pecked at my nose!"
- Motor Mouth: Andy while typing out his Long List.
- Not So Above It All: Andy gets really steamed in this episode.
- Overly Long Scream: Calvin does one as part of his Heroic BSoD.
- Pass the Popcorn: Invoked:Hobbes: Hello? Socrates? Meet me down at the park. And bring popcorn.
- Puppy Love
- Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...: Parodied in Calvin's love poem:
- Shout-Out: "Remember that one episode of Twilight Zone where-"
Andy: What do you think I've been talking about for the past few hours!!
- "Ya know, I could probably sum this situation up by discussing a few episodes from The Outer Limits."
- This exchange:
Calvin: Well, it had to do with Gamera vs. Zigra. I know that.
- Later, the boys watch Jimmy Neutron.
- Smart People Play Chess: Sherman trounces Socrates quite badly in it.
- Stylistic Suck: In-Universe - Maria thinks Calvin was doing this during the contest.
- Valentine's Day Episodes
- Wide Eyes and Shrunken Irises: Everyone is described as having this when Andy (sort of) unveils his crush.