Dorien: Colin's good-looking, smart, honest.
Sharon: Mine.
— Sharon Theodopolopodous making Dorien Green jealous.
- Date First Aired: 21/11/1993
Sharon tells Chris that her relationship with Colin is serious, although she doesn't initially reveal that he's a policeman. But when Colin plans a surprise evening with friends - all of whom work in the police force - she begins to have doubts. Meanwhile, Tracey helps a prisoner's wife called Hayley, and Dorien feels left out as the sisters seem to not have time for her.
Tropes In This Episode:
- Accidental Misnaming: Sharon accidentally says "herpes" when talking about Hermès.
- Apology Gift: Hayley gives Tracey and Sharon some mints to make up for her bumping them.
- Ask a Stupid Question...: After seeing Chris angrily storm off and call Sharon a slag, Tracey asks if she told him about Colin, leading Sharon to snark that she told him Peter Pan was dead.
- Auto Erotica: Sharon calls out for Dorien being quite fond of having a "tumble in the back of your motor".
- Bite of Affection: Chris tells Darryl that Sharon had a love bite the size of Manchester on her neck.
- Brick Joke: Roger lies to Dorien that he can't go out with her because his grandmother is sick, so Dorien uses the same excuse to explain why he can't go out with her at the end of the episode.
- Brief Accent Imitation: Colin picks up an American accent for his "potayto, potahto" analogy.
- Cannot Keep a Secret: Tracey tells Sharon to come clean to Chris because she knows if she doesn't, she'll spill it herself by accident.
- Celebrity Crush: Dorien fawns over a picture of Kevin Costner.
- Celebrity Resemblance: Tracey thinks Hayley looks like Madonna, which makes Darryl think that he looks like Michael Jackson.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Hayley is dim and childish, leading Sharon to think she's a silly little tart.
- Comically Missing the Point: After Sharon compares Kyle to Clive Anderson, Hayley corrects her that his name is Kyle Nesbitt.
- Continuity Nod:
- Sharon reminds Tracey of the terrific job she did repainting her bedroom. Also Sharon lies to Chris that Colin is "in computers" rather than tell him he's a copper, which was the same lie Colin told her when they first met, and later brings up how she lied on her VAT returns again.
- When Dorien asks Sharon if Chris knows she's dating Colin, Sharon snaps back asking her if Marcus knows about her previous affairs with Luke (from before the start of the series until "Falling in Love Again", plus a brief fling in "Commitments") and Jason (in "High Fidelity"), while Tracey brings up Tom from "History".
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: After Dorien annoys Sharon, Sharon asks her if she's ever had a teapot surgically removed from her throat.
- Deadpan Snarker: Sharon gives us this gem:Dorien: Look, the table's booked for eight, and Sharon, promise me you will not tuck the tablecloth in under your chin.Sharon: I won't even drink out the finger bowl, Dor.
- Driven to Suicide: Chris warns Sharon that her relationship with Colin might make him hang himself.
- Faking Another Person's Illness:
- Roger pretends his grandmother is sick so he won't have to go out with Dorien.
- Dorien uses the same excuse when telling Tracey and Sharon why he can't come to the new restaurant with her.
- Insult Backfire:
- Chris tells Sharon that even though she's no Cindy Crawford, some bloke would have to go for her someday. An exasperated Sharon has to remind him that he himself did.
- Chris thinks Colin is the type of person to never miss Neighbours which confuses Darryl, because Chris does the same.
- Internal Reveal: Chris and Darryl learn about Sharon's relationship with Colin, although everyone else had known since "A Brush with the Law".
- Love Hurts: Sharon and Colin really do love each other, but they can't make it work because of Colin's job in the police force.
- Mistaken Identity: Tracey mistakes Colin in Sharon's bathrobe for Sharon, and starts asking him if her knickers are in the dryer.
- The Name Is Bond, James Bond: How Hayley gives Kyle's full name to correct Sharon:Hayley: No, Nesbitt. Kyle Nesbitt.
- Noodle Incident: Dorien once had an affair with the horn section of the Grimethorpe Colliery Band.
- Nosy Neighbour: Dorien wanders into Tracey and Sharon's kitchen to ask about Sharon's boyfriend Colin, and why he's over so early.
- One-Shot Character: Hayley Nesbitt, Kyle Nesbitt, Eric and Paula.
- One-Steve Limit: One of Colin's mates on the force is named Eric and Dorien's off-screen lover is named Roger, which were both the names of two of her off-screen lovers back in "Time and Tides".
- Perverse Sexual Lust: Chris only watches Neighbours because he likes Caroline and Christina Alessi.
- Real Men Wear Pink: Colin has no problem wearing Sharon's fuzzy pink dressing gown.
- Shout-Out:
- Dorien mentions the phrase "gone pear shaped" is frequently used in The Bill.
- Sharon reminds Dorien of her affair with the members of the horn section of Grimethorpe Colliery Band.
- Tracey thinks Hayley looks like Madonna.
- Tracey lied to Darryl that Sharon was to play a snooker game against Stephen Hendry.
- Chris tells Sharon that she's no Cindy Crawford.
- Sharon makes a sarcastic comment that instead of telling Chris the truth about Colin, she instead told him that Peter Pan was dead.
- Sharon calls Kyle a "proper little Clive Anderson".
- Dorien gets distracted by a photo of a certain attractive celebrity:Dorien: Sorry Tracey, could you run that by me again? I was busy with Kevin Costner... I wish.
- Chris has a crush on Caroline and Christina Alessi.
- Sharon jokes that it's the police and Franchise/Batman that keep the streets safe.
- Sharon brings up the Tottenham Three, the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six when out with Darryl, Eric and Paula, and later mentions owning a "Free Winston Silcott" T-shirt.
- When Sharon hears that Eric is a nice bloke, she remarks that if that's true then Hannibal Lecter is a vegetarian.
- Dorien calls Colin "Dixon of Dock Green". Sharon later admits Colin is so good at his job he makes Dixon look bent.
- Colin calls himself "PC Plod".
- When Chris asks Sharon if everyone knows about Colin, Sharon sarcastically remarks that she hasn't told Nigel Dempster yet.
- Sharon explains her relationship with Colin using plays:
- Stood Up: Roger skips his date with Dorien to see another woman who he pretends is his grandmother.
- Take That!:
- Sharon is glad she doesn't need to listen to Simon Mayo in the mornings any more.
- Darryl thinks he looks like Michael Jackson, leading Tracey to remark:Tracey: No you ain't, ya skin's too dark.
- After Dorien laughs at Sharon for her issues with Chris, Sharon snaps that this is her life she's laughing at - not Home and Away.
- When listing things that could make Colin an unappealing boyfriend, Chris thinks he's the type of person to never miss Neighbours.
- After seeing an outfit of Sharon's that she doesn't like, Dorien remarks she didn't realise she had been to OXFAM.
- Dorien angrily throws a VHS of Home Alone to the ground when Roger stands her up.
- Colin remarks being a copper is a serious job, not like being Postman Pat.
