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"How do you want to do this?"
The DM, letting a player know they just landed the killing blow on a boss or equally significant opponent.

Take a game like Dungeons & Dragons, introduce Matthew Mercer as the DM, and combine with a cast stuffed full of professional voice actors, and you've got a perfect recipe for some jaw-droppingly awesome quotes... or some gut-bustingly funny ones. And some that are just plain sad.

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Spoilers on this page will not be marked.

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Campaign 1

    Episode 01: Arrival at Kraghammer 
  • As Grog attempts to challenge a dwarf to a fight:
    Grog: Right, um - [clears throat] How often do you get challengers in this tavern?
    Balgus: Not as often as I get woken up from my sleep. Which is never, because only stupid people do that!
    Vex: [frantically gesturing, whispering] Lost cause. Abandon ship, abandon ship!
    Grog: [stage whispering] I have an intelligence of six, I know what I'm doing.
  • Tiberius turns himself into a dwarf and attempts to bluff some guards. The key word here: attempts.
    Tiberius: Oh, my name is Tiberius Kraghammer.
    [everyone laughs]
    Scanlan: Like Johnny New York.
    Tiberius: Shoot, we're in Kraghammer, right?
    Scanlan: We're in Kraghammer.
  • In the middle of Tiberius going off to do his own thing, Sam gives the party an update on Scanlan:
    Scanlan: I'm snoring after having sex.
  • Multiple times throughout the episode (and many others):
    Someone else from the party: But you can call him Percy.

    Episode 11: The Temple Showdown 
  • The giant Keyleth managed to bring under her control just drank all Grog's ale in one gulp and crushed the cask like a cheap beer can.
    Everyone: NO!
    Grog: I run up his fat chest and headbutt him in the face!
    (cue six people's Face Palm and one Head Desk)
    • After headbutting the giant into submission by dint of a Natural 20 roll...
    Grog: You owe me. A cask. Of. Ale.
  • Right before the group goes to fight K'Varn:
    Vax: I have no idea what's about to happen, but it has been a great pleasure to walk beside each and every one of you.
    Percy: Screw you. I want my final words with you to be indignant and irritated.

    Episode 20: Trial of the Take, Part 3 
  • Scanlon had been using the name "Burt Reynolds" as an alias several times during this adventure, including when the party tried to negotiate with a dragon. Later, during combat, the dragon attempts to fly away. Scanlon uses a Grasping Hand spell to pin the dragon's wings to it's body, cutting off the escape:
    Scanlon: You will leave... when Burt Reynolds tells you to leave!
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    Episode 21: Trial of the Take, Part 4 
  • When the flying carpet is lost in an acid pit, Laura and Travis are watching the stream from another room in the building. There's a delay of a few seconds resulting in perfect comedic timing.
    Vax: Vex is gonna kill us.
    Kashaw: Who's Vex?
    (Laura's and Travis's screams echo from the other room. Marisha cringes.)
    Vax: ...My sister.

    Episode 33: Reunions 
  • Keyleth chastises Vax for trying to handle things on his own again and almost ending up dead. Vax, in his delirious state due to blood loss, drops this bomb:

  • Gas mask on, Percy delivers the killing blow on Professor Anders:
    Percy: You’re the face I saw when murder entered my heart. This is your doing.

  • Percy and Cassandra talk for the first time in five years:
    Percy: We’re putting an end to the Briarwoods tonight. Before the sun sets. This is the end of them. It’s all going to be over, and we’re going to stop whatever it is they’re doing under the city.
    Cassandra: You say this. We’ve tried twice.
    Percy: I know. This is it.
    Cassandra: That’s what the others thought. You left me, you know.
    Percy: I know, and I’m so sorry.
    Cassandra: Good. Well, if we’re going to do this, let’s get ready.
    Percy: You’re going to your room.
    Cassandra: Yes, I am.
    Percy: To wait until this is over.
    Cassandra: No. No, I’m not. I’m going to my room to get my things. To get my mother’s armor.
    Percy: You’re– I don’t think that’s a very good idea.
    Cassandra: You’ve been fighting them for what, a few days? I’ve been fighting them for nearly three years. You have no power over me, brother. And if our goals are aligned to free this city, let’s do it together. But I don’t have to listen to you.
    Percy: God, you’re irritating. Fine. Ugh!

    Episode 34: Race to the Ziggurat 
  • Cassandra, under the Briarwood's charm, betrays Vox Machina:
    Cassandra: (to Percy) Your sister left us the day those arrows found my chest. I did not die from those wounds but to watch you leave me there in the snow. I have a new family. I am a Briarwood. And I have a destiny with the Whispered One.

  • Delilah Briarwood, upon seeing her husband die:
    Delilah: You can’t! I broke the world for us!

    Episode 35: Denouement 
  • Percy questions his deal with Orthax:
    Percy: Did I even want revenge before I talked to you? Did I? I don’t remember anymore. What does she die for? What do I even need? I want my country. I want my sister! I’ve killed two of those who have wronged me and nothing is better. Nothing feels better, nothing is avenged. What is this worth to you?

  • Cassandra, in true de Rolo fashion, gets a Pre-Mortem One-Liner on Delilah Briarwood:
    Delilah: “You could have been my daughter.
    Cassandra: No. Cassandra is a de Rolo, and you took them away from me. And now we’re taking everything away from you.

    Episode 65: The Streets of Ank'Harel 
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    Episode 68: Cloak and Dagger 
  • Percy's last words to Dr. Ripley:
    Percy: No matter what happens today, I forgive you. But I cannot let you leave.
  • Scanlan's words to Ripley seconds before her death:
    Scanlan: Percy's killing you today. Not us.

    Episode 71: Vorugal 
  • Having just ripped a Goristro in half with his bare hands, still holding on to both halves of the body by the leg:
    Grog: Which one's lucky?
    Kima: [points at Grog, grinning] You are.

    Episode 72: The Elephant in the Room 
  • Vex and Percy slip away into the woods for a talk about forgiveness. The whole conversation is beautiful, but by far one of the most poignant parts is this:
    Vex: Whoever that boy was that created those things, that suffered such horrors that he felt that they were justified? You have to forgive him too. Because everything you’ve suffered and endured and created in that time has made you into the person that you are now. And you have a brilliant mind, and any darkness that might cloud your vision on occasion... the fact that you found it within yourself to forgive her? That means that that darkness will never overtake you.
  • Percy then drops a bit of a bomb at the end of their little talk:
    Taliesin: As I walk away, I walk up. I kiss her.
    Percy: So we'll talk later.

    Episode 78: The Siege of Emon 
When Percy knocks on Vex's door,
Vex: I open the door COMPLETELY naked.
Percy: (several beats) This is called Direheart, this we simply call Courage, this is a Snow Mead, and this is Green Tier Whiskey. We're going to start with the Courage.
Completely ignoring the fact that Vex is clothesless until after he entered her room

    Episode 81: What Lies Beneath the Surface 
  • While talking to Jarett about the Suude deal:
    Scanlan: And I'm going to cast an eighth level Modify Memory on you.
  • After Vax left Percy's bath chambers:
    Laura As soon as he [Vax] leaves, I come up from the water and go, *mimicking a gasp for breath* "OHHH!! I thought he'd never leave!"
Leads to everyone corpsing.
  • After Scanlan modified Jarett's memory to turn him into a drug lord:
    Taliesin We just met the enemy.

    Episode 83: The Deceiver's Stand 
  • Matt at the beginning:
    Matt: Welcome back to our esteemed, mature, panel.
  • When Vox Machina insists on continuing the fight, despite Raishan having the upper hand:
    Raishan: Why won't you stay down and die with dignity?
    Vex: We don't do anything with dignity.
  • Scanlan's Famous Last Words:
    Scanlan: [spoken very weakly] You so dumb... when thieves stole your horse... you chased 'em down and said "You forgot the saddle..."
  • When Grog finds out Scanlan has been killed:
    Grog: No... No. No! Fix him! FIX HIM!
    Liam: [tearfully] I start to rock [Scanlan], like a child...
    Grog: Well, somebody do something...
  • Kerrek busts out an excellent Pre-Mortem One-Liner before dealing the killing blow to Raishan:
    Kerrek: No. No further.
  • Referring to a dead Scanlan:
    Matt: He died as he lived: hard. Or after a bad joke with piss all over him.
  • Keyleth thinks that she sees Kima and Allura way off-shore, and Kerrek... tries to let her down gently.
    Kerrek: Sometimes, people go and you never get them back.

    Episode 84: Loose Ends 
  • Grog, speaking to Scanlan's corpse:
    Grog: This is not over. It can’t be. We’ve done so much, and we have so much more to do, right? This is - this is not over. Right, don’t you move: go ahead and get your shuteye, and we’ll be back. You rest here. Try not to have too much fun without us.

    Episode 88: Tangled Depths 
  • After a rather touching talk between Vax and Keyleth:
    Vax'ildan: I noticed about, uh, a week ago you were curious about my wings. (as Liam) I shoot them out.
    Marisha: [As Keyleth] I pet them a little.
    Vax'ildan: We have one hour.
    (Keyleth's face as the realization dawns upon her)

    Episode 102: Race to the Tower 
  • Vox Machina is completely wrecked by Vecna, Delilah, and an armored Death Knight. Vax is dead, Vex was dead and brought back, and Pike's armor had just automatically resurrected her, sparing her from joining Vax's fate as a pile of ash. Keyleth gathers everyone for a Plane Shift spell to escape certain death.
    Marisha: I gather everybody's hands and say, "Alright everyone, we're going to the Feywild!"
    Matt: [Consults his notes] Vecna is going to attempt to Counterspell.
    [Vox Machina reacts with horror at this... except Sam.]
    Sam: [I cast] Seventh-level Counterspell against him.
    [Vox Machina shouts and cheers.]
    Matt: That was some old school Magic: The Gathering shit right there! [Matt consults his notes.] Yeah, you don't even have to roll for it!
  • Scanlan then sings his Counterspell to Vecna.
    Scanlan: I'm beautiful! I'm beautiful, it's true! You saw my face, in a crowded place, and you didn't know what to do! 'Cause I just took a shit on you!
    Matt/Vecna: The last thing you hear, as the [Plane Shift] spell begins to take effect, is the whispered voice of Vecna as he says, "... What?"

    Episode 103: The Fate-Touched 
  • The Raven Queen makes a deal with Vax to turn him into a Revenant:
    The Raven Queen: What I offer you is the power to see this conflict through to its end. You will be briefly beyond the very grasp of death. And I will hold back any attempt for you to transition. You will be a bulwark of my power in cold flesh. Walking between heartbeats. Unstoppable. You will have the power to walk once more with Vox Machina. With your sister. With your Keyleth. And should you use this power wisely, perhaps save Exandria - save them. Save her. But when it’s done, and this foul, undying king lies dead or sealed, you will return to me, my champion. Evermore. Do you accept my gift?
    Vax: You have such loneliness in your eyes.
    The Raven Queen: Perhaps you will keep me company, when you come back to me. Do... you... accept?
    Vax: ...I do.

    Episode 104: Elysium 
  • Pelor asks Vox Machina to describe Vex's best qualities. The entire group pitches in, but it's Percy's statement that is the real Mic Drop:
    Percy: She is Mistress of the Grey Hunt of Whitestone, Baroness of the First House of Whitestone... She is my heart, and my judgement... and the future that I have chosen. She is the one that I am betrothed to.

    Episode 105: The Fear of Isolation 
  • Although no speaking occurred, the conversation that Percy, Vex, and Scanlan have within Diplomacy's Sphere of Silence is one of the "conversational" highlights.

    Episode 115: The Chapter Closes 
  • Percy's indignant and irritated last words to Vax:
    Percy: I do not accept this.
  • The last line of the Vox Machina campaign:
    Matt: And every day that raven comes to visit.
  • Sam and Travis after Matt closes the campaign.
    Sam: What a nice story.
    Travis: Let's do it again.

Campaign 2

     Episode 1: Curious Beginnings 
  • Matt's opening narration:
    Matt: Welcome to Wildemount. The year is 835 P.D., or post-Divergence. This continent is divided both by jagged terrain and political powers. The Menagerie Coast, a collection of city-states united under the Clovis Concord, monopolizes the southwestern shores and ports of Wildemount, thriving on open trade and cultural freedom. Beyond the Cyrios Mountains lies the massive region known as Wynandir, bisected by the Ashkeeper Peaks. Eastern Wynandir houses the expansive wastes and turbulent badlands of Xhorhas, overrun with all manner of beasts and terrors, relics from the final battles of the Calamity that ruined that scarred landscape. Northward, you would find the Greying Wildlands, a lawless realm harboring a curse that has kept it unconquered by human hands. However, this story begins in the territory of Western Wynandir, within the boundaries of the Dwendalian Empire. Emerging 13 generations before, the Dwendalian Empire has slowly spread to encompass the surrounding societies of the region, absorbing the peoples of the Zemni Fields and the Marrow Valley, before finally conquering the Julous Dominion and taking the whole of Western Wynandir for the Empire. [...] Under the rule of the current King Bertrand Dwendal, now in his 68th year, most are left to their own devices. You live as you did before. The crown only takes a tithe of what you produce and earn. You follow its laws, worship its gods, and bow to its installed local leadership. In return, denizens of the Empire are protected from the chaotic horrors and shadowed evils that stalk the edges of the civilized lands. This accord has led to a prosperous century for the Empire, or at least the political elite. Tensions brew beneath the chafing watch of the Crown’s Guard. Every temple is government-owned and run, and worship outside the approved idolatry is met with imprisonment. Rumors of military clashes at the eastern border near Xhorhas have many common folk on edge. Our story, however, begins much smaller. Here in the southern reaches of the Marrow Valley, beyond the entry gates of the Wuyun Gorge, lies the small rural town of Trostenwald. Bordering the blue waters of the Ustaloch, this town came to prominence near the turn of this recent century, when the surrounding fertile farmlands were discovered to produce a unique type of grain and wheat, leading to a boom of breweries. When the glut subsided, three large families stood triumphant in the local business of fermented delights. Now Trostenwald thrives on their exports of fish, crops, and ale. Here in this sleepy trade stop along the Amber Road, a handful of wandering destinies slowly begin to intersect. We begin in the early hours of the morning on the day of Grissen in a messy room on the second floor of the Nestled Nook Inn. A bleary-eyed, bruised man in a tattered coat slowly wakens from his lengthy sleep, catching his small, snoring ally curled at the foot of the bed...

  • The players describe their characters at various points in the episode:
    Liam: (describing Caleb Widogast) I’m pretty filthy. I have a mess of reddish-brown hair, and really filthy road clothes. I wear a long coat that I slept in. I slept about 20 hours last night. Jeez. Unshaven, a bit of a mess.
    Sam: (describing Nott the Brave) I am a little goblin girl. So, you know, the green skin, the green hair, the yellow eyes. And she wears not-great clothes, just like her traveling companion there. She hides in the shadows a lot, because she knows goblins aren’t welcome in this part, and that’s about it. I mean, she’s a little skittish, and right now she’s probably stirring awake as well, right?
    Laura: (describing Jester Lavorre) I’m just, you know, a little blue tiefling, that’s all, with blue hair. And I’m wearing a pretty cute dress, that’s all. And I’m having a good time, you know? We’re just having a good time here at breakfast.
    Marisha: (describing Beauregard Lionett) I’m, you know, simple girl, simple needs. Just wearing nice, baggy clothes, some monk vestiges. They’re in nice blues and greys. You notice I have a blue sash around my belt. Got a nice shave going on, little undercut. Looks like maybe I put on makeup two days ago, and I’m like, yeah, it’s still holding up. It’s fine. I can work with that.
    Travis: (describing Fjord) I’m a half-orc, sitting here in beat-up leathers. Have a big scar across my face. Green skin tone, and got some piecemeal armor put together and stuff.
    Taliesin: (describing Mollymauk Tealeaf) A lavender tiefling with red eyes and very pierced, extremely ostentatious horns that are pierced with little gems and little baubles. He’s got a tattoo that seems to be running up the side of his face, a peacock tattoo that goes off into his very ostentatious, ridiculous, overblown robes that he wears. His two swords and pouch dangling at the side of his hips. He’s very broad in his dress.
    Ashley: (describing Yasha) Taller than your average... lass. She’s very, very, very pale-skinned. Her hair is black that starts to turn white as it gets longer. It’s matted, it’s dreaded, it’s braided. Her clothes are a bit tattered, but just sort of– she’s a bit of a mess, and she has two different color eyes. One of them is a light greenish-blue, and the other is a violet color. And she’s very standoffish, hunch-y, arms folded.

  • Caleb and Nott meet Jester after Jester receives a large sum of money in a tavern:
    Nott: (whispering to Caleb) Don’t arouse suspicion, but did you hear all that coin hit that table, Caleb?
    Caleb: I did. It’s on the table, though, so I think on the table it will stay.
    Nott: Yes, but we could follow them out. We could do the Moneypot. We could run Rat Food. We could do Prince and the Pauper to get it from them. We could try Spider Eyes. Any of those could work–
    Jester: (leans over the table) Are you guys staying here?
    Nott: Don’t move. Don’t move. Tieflings can only see movement.
    Caleb: I don’t think that’s true–
    Jester: It’s very true, we have a hard time seeing things that aren’t moving, it’s very true. But I can hear you. You should take a bath. You know they have showers here. It’s possible.
    Caleb: A what now?
    Jester: You bathe yourself in water.
    Caleb: No, I’ve bathed before, yeah, I know what a bath is.
    Jester: It’s because you smell really bad, and it’s wafting over this direction. I’m just letting you know. I would hate if I smelled that bad and someone didn’t tell me.
    Caleb: I’ve only just met you.
    Jester: Hi! I’m Jester!
    Caleb: Hi, I’m Caleb.
    Jester: Nice to meet you... Caleb... (calling over to her party) How much silver did I just get?
    Beauregard: Seven!
    Jester: Woo!

  • Molly introduces himself:
    Molly: Well. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a group of people more in need of a good time in my entire life. Mollymauk Tealeaf of the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. If there was ever a group of people that needed a good time to go out, have a laugh, see things that you have never seen before, and my god, take my word for it, one month’s time, people will be buying your ale to hear the tale of what you saw at the Traveling Carnival of Curiosities this night.

  • Molly reads Jester's fortune:
    Molly: I can read fortunes from time to time-
    Jester: (gasps) I was going to ask if you read fortunes! Can you do one now?
    Molly: I knew you were going to ask that.
    Jester: Oh my gosh, you’re so smart!
    Molly: That’s what they tell me.
    Jester: Look at this guy, he knows everything!

     Episode 2: A Show of Scrutiny 
  • Molly's solution to everything:
    Molly: When in doubt, if something goes wrong, just... nudity. It usually works.

     Episode 3: The Midnight Chase 
  • Jester looks through her pack to try to heal Molly:
    Beau: You have... a six pack of donuts, but you don’t have a healer’s kit in there? And you’re the cleric?

     Episode 4: Disparate Pieces 
  • Expositor Dairon sends Beau, once again aligned with the Order of the Cobalt Soul, out into the world:
    Dairon: Do what you must. Travel the world. Use what I’ve taught you. Learn about injustice. Those you don’t trust, follow them. Bend them. Make them tell the truth and admit their guilt. Find wherever corruption is. Root it out and let the system do its job. If the system isn’t doing its job, destroy the system.
    Beau: Why are you doing this? Why me?
    Dairon: Because a long time ago, I was a wayward girl with no direction. I was angry, and fighting at the world. And someone did this for me.

     Episode 5: The Open Road 
  • The party questions Fjord after he wakes up coughing salt water:
    Jester: Do you think you’re slowly turning into water?
    Fjord: ... No. I hadn’t considered that terrifying thought. But thanks. Um... I’ll just add that to the fuckin’ list.
    Jester: If you feel like it’s happening, let us know, and we’ll try to catch you in a jar.

     Episode 6: The Howling Mines 
  • Nott's incredibly lame, but probably inevitable, puns on Fjord's name:
    Nott: All right. I’ll be part of the Fjord expedition.
    Molly: (later) How are you feeling, Fjord?
    Nott: Yeah, Fjord, are we going to be Fjord Explorers or Fjord Escapes?

  • Caleb makes a hasty retreat:
    Caleb: Well, my social anxiety is getting the best of me. I’m taking a walk. Goodbye.

     Episode 8: The Gates Of Zadash 
  • Beau tries on dark-vision goggles for the first time:
    Beau: Holy shit you guys, is this what you can see all the time? [...] It’s like I’ve got night vision! Like I can see things!
    Caleb: Look over here.
    Beau: Yeah?
    Caleb: You look like a nerd.

  • Caleb's assessment of Jester after all that had been through up to that point:
    Caleb: I am slowly — ever so slowly — starting to like you. Please do not fuck it up.

     Episode 9: Steam and Conversation 
  • Molly gives Nott some advice about stealing:
    Molly: You know, Nott, I notice. I notice the way that you eye things, on occasion.
    Nott: I’m not stealing anything right now!
    Molly: Not right now and that’s fine. And I would hate to get in the way of any of your business. Your business is your business and I’m perfectly fine with that. But it’s good to remember that there are people who need what they have. There are people who need every bit of what they have. And there are people who would be much happier if they had a little less.
    Nott: How do I know which is which?
    Molly: Well, that’s a skill worth developing. That’s a skill very much worth developing.
    Jester: If the people look like you and Caleb, they probably need it.
    Molly: If they seem grumpy, or angry, and seem overly concerned with an enormous amount of money that they happen to have, or using it to just be mean or cruel to somebody, that’s probably a sign that they’d just be much happier if they just knew exactly who liked them. And the only way you could ever really know if someone likes you is if you don’t have anything over them. And the easiest way to get to that honesty is if you don’t have anything.
    Nott: So you’re saying steal from grumpy people?
    Molly: Oh yes.
    Jester: Shitty people specifically.
    Molly: Unless they’re grumpy because they don’t have enough. Because if you’re hungry, you get very angry. [...]
    Nott: Which kind of grumpy is Beau?
    Molly: Beau has way too much. So you should probably take some stuff from Beau. That’s fair. (laughs) Beau really needs to know who likes her.

     Episode 11: Zemnian Nights 
  • Fjord asks why Nott tried to steal his letter to the Soltryce Academy:
    Nott: Will you give me the letter? I could change your name on it to his name, and then he could use it to get into the school, and he could learn more powerful magic and then he could change me.
    Fjord: Change you?
    Nott: (gesturing to her whole face) He could change this.

     Episode 12: Midnight Espionage 
  • Molly's life philosophy:
    Molly: Be the chaos you want to see in the world.

  • Fjord and Molly, before a disastrous reconnaissance mission:
    Fjord: Are we ready to do this? Are you ready to make a damn fool of yourself?
    Molly: I’m always ready to make a damn fool of myself.

  • Caleb expresses doubt about the plan:
    Caleb: A lot is riding on Sutan and the High Richter going to this festival...
    Everyone else: (waits for him to continue)
    Jester: Yeah.
    Caleb: That’s it.
    Molly: I was really expecting more there.
    Caleb: No, it’s just pessimism.

     Episode 13: Lost & Found 
  • Nott explains her relationship with Caleb to the rest of the Mighty Nein:
    Nott: Caleb and I have a very special relationship. It is that of a parent and a child. But I am the parent. You do understand that, correct? I protect him. He’s my boy, and I keep him safe. I want him to thrive and get better and better, and more powerful and stronger. Because he can achieve great things. When I found him, he was nothing. He was a scared little boy in the corner of a jail cell. As we have gotten more comfortable, he has gotten more comfortable and come out of his shell. It’s my job to protect him, because I love him, and I am his protector. Not because he protects me.

  • Caleb has a conversation with a skull:
    Caleb: Oh, so many secrets, huh, Yorick?
    Caleb (as the skeleton): Maybe you should tear it off your chest.
    Caleb: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
    Caleb (as the skeleton): It’s driving you crazy.
    Caleb: Maybe not yet.
    Caleb (as the skeleton): It’s probably a good idea.
    Caleb: You’re funny.

  • Caleb confesses to Nott he at one point was going to go study at the Soltryce Academy:
    Caleb: I'm from a small town and there was a lot of hubbub, and gathering of coin. But I fucked it up.
    Nott: Did you do something wrong? Or bad?
    Caleb: (quietly) Yeah.
    Nott: You don't have to tell me what it was, or what you did, but... is it something that you can be forgiven for?
    Caleb: That is not for me to say.

     Episode 14: Fleeting Memories 
  • Molly, summarizing his feelings on the whole Lucien matter when Nott goes a little too far:
    Molly: Let me make this abundantly clear: My name is Molly. That person is dead, and not me. It's just a person who had this body. They abandoned it. It's mine now.

     Episode 15: Where the River Goes 
  • Molly never misses a clean jab at Beau
    Beau: You see this is like a simple tool.
    Molly: Is that your new nickname?
    Beau: What?
    Molly: Simple tool.
    Beau: You know what? That’s fair, I’ll take that. That was a good one.

  • Nott questions Yasha about her mysterious ability to find the Mighty Nein:
    Nott: What were you doing yesterday?
    Yasha: I was sitting in the tavern and then you guys came… into the tavern.
    Nott: But did you know you’d be down here with us tonight?
    Yasha: Yes Nott, I did.
    Nott: How did you know that?
    Yasha: I happened to - to - to - no, I did not know.
    Nott: How and when will I die?
    Yasha: I can’t tell you that, Nott.
    Nott: ... But you know.

  • Nott "confronts" her fears of the water:
    Nott: I’m not going to get in the water, don’t worry.
    Beau: Have you been practising any of the techniques that we tried out?
    Nott: Yeah, I’ve been practising one technique, it’s called, ‘wearing this ring of water-walking’.

     Episode 16: A Favor in Kind 
  • While they're shaking off the influence of some suspect drugs, Molly and Beau share a brief moment of vulnerability:
    Molly: Do you know what just occurred to me? I didn’t have a childhood! I’ve never said that out loud to someone before...
    Beau: What happens if you have a childhood, but it’s barely a childhood because it was supposed to be someone else’s childhood, but it was you instead... is that a childhood?
    Molly: What happened to you?

     Episode 17: Harvest Close 
  • Yasha avoids being recruited into the army:
    Yasha: Okay. Uh, I will take this with me, but I don’t like... groups of people... working together for, uh... for a cause.

     Episode 18: Whispers of War 
  • After a party, Beau goes around the room and finishes everyone's drinks.
    Jester: You’re going to have the shits later.
    Beau: Probably.
    Molly: You’re a trash person. (Walks over, takes her last drink, drinks it, and salutes.)

  • Caleb and Nott hug it out after Caleb reveals his backstory:
    Nott: I’m so sorry. It wasn’t you, it’s not your fault. It wasn’t you, you were made to do it. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I know you don’t realize that now, but you will. This pain that you have, that you wear all over you like a mask, it’s just that, and you can take it off someday. I know it hurts, but it wasn’t your fault. I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe me.
    Caleb: Are you and I good?
    Nott: What you did was awful, truly terrible, despicable and unforgivable — until you can forgive it. At some point, you’ll have to do that. I swear to you that I will be at your side until you do.

  • Molly emerges from a threesome, carrying fruit and wearing nothing but a tapestry:
    Molly: I am your god, long may I reign. Eat of my fruits.

     Episode 19: The Gentleman's Path 
  • Nott describes her anguish at being a goblin:
    Nott: I know that I’m a goblin, I just - for as long as I’ve been alive, I just haven’t really felt… you know… comfortable in, in their - I haven’t felt comfortable in, in my skin, for as long as I can remember. I- I just feel like, I don’t know. It feels like I shouldn’t be - I don’t fit in with them. It’s not just that, I just - I feel - just feels wrong. Like I should be in a different, a different body. The way they act, and the way they… the way they are. It’s just, it’s not me. They do horrible things to people and they seem fine with it, but, I don’t know. I never felt the same as them. And it’s not that I don’t, you know, like myself or anything - I like, I think I’m okay! But I just don’t like how I feel, when I see my hands or my feet. They just feel wrong. I want to be different.

     Episode 20: Labenda Awaits 
  • Fjord gets annoyed while trying to save Kiri:
    Fjord: I’m up to my fuckin’ knees in this quagmire, alright?! It’s a slopdolly of epic proportions!

     Episode 21: The Stalker in the Swamp 
  • After Fjord manhandles Kiri:
    Calianna: I’m disappointed in you, Mr. Fjord!
    Fjord: That means... literally nothing to me.

  • After Fjord's Eldritch Blast accidentally knocks out Beau on account of the impacts on the venom troll grappling her expelling toxic gas:
    Travis: I cast Regret.

     Episode 22: Lost Treasures 
  • Jester finds that Kiri has stabbed a dead merman.
    Jester: Did you go stab a dead person?
    Kiri: (chirps)
    Jester: We should probably teach you that’s not the coolest thing to do, I don’t think, but it’s fine that you did it this time. I’m sure he didn’t feel it. But probably if we’re in a place where other people are around, we probably shouldn’t stab people that are already hurt.
    Kiri: (mimicking Jester) “Okay, okay, okay.”
    Jester: I mean, no, that’s a lie. Unless they are attacking you. Don’t stab people that are dead-dead.
    Kiri: (mimicking Jester) “Okay, okay, okay.”
    Jester: Okay, okay, okay.

     Episode 23: Have Bird, Will Travel 
  • Kiri stabs a troll corpse:
    Molly: I guess you just get it out of your system then, that’s fine.
    Kiri: (stabs the corpse again)
    Molly: Are you done yet?
    Kiri: (stabs the corpse and mimics Jester) This means we are friends! (chirps happily)
    Jester: ... I think we’re a bad influence on her.
    Nott: I don’t think so. Kiri, would you like some human jerky?

     Episode 26: Found & Lost 
  • Keg meets the party on the road. She sees Molly staring her down with scimitars in hand, Caleb and Nott far down the road, and Beau hiding very poorly in the bushes.
    Beau: What’s your name?
    Keg: What’s your fucking name? You guys got weapons out. What’s going on?
    Beau: What’s your fucking name?!
    Keg: What’s your fucking name?!
    Nott: What’s going on up there?!
    Molly: We don’t know!
    Nott: Should I kill something?
    Molly: Probably!
    Keg: I got a place to be, so if we could move this along. Are we fighting or not?
    Beau: Molly, ask her. We’re at an impasse.
    Molly: I haven’t really thought this through. Where did you come from? What are you doing in the bloody bushes by our campsite?
    Keg: I was walking up the road, man. I didn’t expect to see a bunch of poorly hidden weirdos with fucking weapons drawn.
    Caleb (shouting to Beau): Just make conversation!
    Beau: How’s your day?
    Keg: Weird now!

  • Molly negotiates with Keg
    Molly: You could also hire us.
    Keg: Hire you?
    Molly: 20 gold.
    Keg: You just gave me 20 gold.
    Molly: That’s how I know you can afford it.

  • Caleb reflecting on his choices while on watch, alone:
    Caleb: Look at the lot of you. Look at these people. I should go right now. I don’t know you at all. Look at this one. He’s like a walking rainbow, what is this? Why are you with him? It makes no sense. He’s a circus performer, he’s not going to help you. This one you told everything to, to try to get into a library. You learned nothing. On your gamble, you failed. You’re stupid. Smart as you are, you’re stupid with this. She could cave in everything. This three that have been stolen: yeah, they’re nice. Two of them. One’s weird. One of them tried to kill you. The other one, she’s adorable, but– Stupid. This one here. What do you expect to do with her? How is she going to help you do what you want to do? She can watch your back–
    Frumpkin (as an owl) *hoots*
    Caleb: I know. Don’t worry, you’re fine. She’s as much a liability as anything else. You know you’re fucking mad when you’re gesticulating this much. You should just go. You have told too much. I am going to go. It’s time to go. (As Liam:) He sits there for a solid five minutes. Then two hours. Wait for everyone to wake up.

  • After killing Molly, Lorenzo humiliates Keg:
    Lorenzo: (pushes Keg to her knees) The Iron Shepherds have a reputation, and I expect you to tell everyone you come across what happened here today, and what a mistake it is to turn against us. (leans into Keg's ear) I want you to live with the memory of what you did today. (kicks Keg in the back, knocking her onto her face) We’re moving on! If I see any of your faces again (chuckles) well, at least you’ll be able to see your friend on the other side.”
    Beau: Fuck you, Lorenzo.
    Lorenzo: Fuck me, indeed.

     Episode 27: Converging Fury 
  • Beau reflects on Molly's death:
    Beau: Do y'all remember what Molly said a few weeks ago when he told us that he left every town better than what he found it? When he first told me that, I remember that my first initial knee jerk reaction was, “You fucking arrogant, narcissistic bastard, no one can fucking know that. He was an arrogant bastard, but he was right and do you know how I know? We had a conversation last night when we were up for watch, and he asked me what my greatest lie was and we pulled fucking cards for it. Loser would go first. He told me this story about tricking a town into thinking he was royalty, being a king, to pull off a scam. I was almost going to tell him about my childhood, and I didn’t. Because he told that fucking story and I realized: even in his scams, when he was doing something shitty, he was still making people feel good or feel special. The town was being visited by– graced by his presence, by his royal highness. And I told him this story of ruining a couple’s lives by extorting them because I fucking could. Because I fucking felt like it. I realized if I can deliberately leave a town shittier than what I found it, of course he could fucking leave a town better than what he found it. And I’m not going to do that again. I’m not saying that I’m going to go off and be a fucking hero, but maybe we can equal out and I can at least not fuck any more shit up. Take baby steps towards the leaving the town better… thing. That’s the least I can do for him. And I’m going to start with these fuckheads.

  • Beau, Nott, and Caleb bury Molly:
    Nott: Should we say some words or anything?
    Beau: Pour a drink?
    Nott: Sure. (pours drinks)
    Beau: Long may he reign.
    Nott: Long may he reign.
    Beau: That’s the best fucking shit I got.
    Caleb: Shine bright, circus man.

  • After Molly's death, Nott and Caleb discuss their plans for rescuing Jester, Yasha, and Fjord:
    Caleb: Well, we do not have to decide what we are going to do right away. We could have an opportunity, grab our friends. We don’t need to rush into the lion’s den. Let’s see what we are looking at, what we are dealing with. We get our three friends back. We have not traveled with them this far to throw it away.
    Nott : To throw what away? I want to hear you say it. Why do you want to go after them?
    Caleb: Their deaths would be a waste.
    Nott : Wrong. Why?
    Caleb: *storms off into the woods*

  • Nila comforts the Mighty Nein about Molly's death:
    Nila: May I suggest something? When someone - when someone dies in my clan, we know that their spirit never leaves. It just gets returned to nature. Which is why we protect nature so fiercely. I have lost people before. I find ways to see them in nature. Sometimes just the leaves on the trees. I pick one leaf, and I know that it is a spirit waving to me. Your friend is here. He has not left.

  • Beau, Nott, Caleb, and Keg ask Nila what she can do:
    Caleb: Hey, over there is a tree stump on the side of the road. That’s the bald one. What do you do?
    Beau: Show us.
    Nila: I will tell you because I cannot do it all the time, but when I am ready, I will summon lightning from the sky and fry him, destroy him! And I can do it again and again and AGAIN!

  • Nott confesses her feelings for the rest of the group
    Nott: [Molly] was a rainbow man who represented life at its - at its fullest. And… that’s what I want. Even more than, even more than what we were going for before. Together, we’re sort of living life now, aren’t we? And before we were in the darkness. So, I know we have things to do, and I want to do them, but - the reason I want to find these people and rescue them, is not to use them, and it’s not because we’ve invested time in them. But it’s because... I love them.

     Episode 28: Within the Nest 

  • Caduceus reveals that he grows tea in his graveyard:
    Beau: We’re drinking dead people tea?
    Caduceus: Aren’t we all?
    Caleb: That is a very fair point.
    Beau: Very true. But you’re cultivating dead people for good tea?
    Caduceus: Aren’t we all?
    Beau: Yeah, okay. Yeah. That’s a good point.

  • Caduceus is impressed by Caleb's time skills:
    Caleb: [It’s] 10:33.
    Caduceus: That’s very specific.
    Caleb: Ja. It is.
    Caduceus: Are you just going for that, or is that, like, mean something-
    Caleb: It’s ten thir- oh, I’m sorry - 10:34 now.
    Caduceus: In a minute it’s going to be 10:35.
    Caleb: Ja, approximately.
    Caduceus: How about now?
    Caleb: It’s still 10:34.
    Caduceus: But it’s closer to 10.35, another minute-
    Caleb: We’re not going to do this right now.

     Episode 31: Commerce and Chaos 
  • Nott asks Jester for help:
    Nott: You've mentioned in the past that you are an expert forger.
    Jester: (gasps) Yes, I am! Have you seen my work? Remember?
    Nott: I - I've seen you draw dicks on things...

     Episode 32: Beyond the Boundaries 
  • The Mighty Nein encounter Gustav in jail, and offer to bail him out.
    Fjord: I know you've taken this burden on yourself, but I think we would all feel a bit better if you would accept this as a small thank you, for then and now as well.
    Caduceus: It's more than a thank you. I feel that you have to be free, so that you can finally pay your debt.
    Gustav: This is me paying my debt.
    Caduceus: No, this is you hiding from your debt. You're a man who is afraid of what you owe. I understand. That's okay. It'll feel so much better when you're finally free from this belief.
    Gustav: I don't know who you are, friend, but you've stepped into a space where you have no knowledge, and, trust me, this is my debt to pay. This is my responsibility.
    Caduceus: This is not your debt. Your debt lies elsewhere. I know these things.

     Episode 36: O Captain, Who’s Captain? 
  • Jester comforts Caduceus after their ship heist:
    Jester: Well. A lot of times I think that maybe the Traveler has left me and I think maybe things are going poorly and he doesn’t like me anymore, but sometimes he’ll just show up after a while and tell me that I was on the right path all along, and he just made it fun for me to find it again.
    Caduceus: And one day will be the last time; what then?
    Jester: You’re not afraid of death, are you?
    Caduceus: No. Although dying was– I’ve been hurt before and I’ve– almost drowning was a lot. (laugh) That was a lot and the ocean is a lot and this is a lot.
    Jester: Breathe. The world is a lot bigger than your cemetery. There are a lot of things for you to see, and you have to break out of your comfort zone in order to find the path that you are looking for.

  • Nott explains how the Mighty Nein has changed her:
    Nott: I’m not a religious lady, but I will tell you that, for me, this journey with this group has been a bit of a sign. I know that you’re questioning whether it was for you, but–
    Caduceus: What kind of sign?
    Nott: A sign that there could be, for all of us, another chapter.

     Episode 40: Dubious Pursuits 
  • Caduceus notices Fjord trying to sneak back into their quarters after sleeping with Avantica.
    Caduceus: Sleep well with your bad decisions.

     Episode 46: A Storm of Memories 
  • Yasha receives a message from her god:
    Stormlord: Loss… loss is excruciating. Loss is paralyzing. Loss is inevitable. Loss can bring sorrow, bring hate, bring cruelty and darkness… Loss can instead teach you what is important. It offers a perspective. It offers focus, might, the courage to protect what has not yet been lost. To be alone, to push others away can prevent loss but it also prevents growth, strength, purpose. How much, how many will you lose until you find your strength?

     Episode 56: The Favor 
  • Caleb makes the only move that will keep them from being imprisoned or killed.
    Caleb: I say this as a child of the Empire... Connected to inner circles there long ago.
    *Caleb reaches into the Jester's Haversack and pulls out the Dodecahedron of Fate, and lifts it into the air for all to see.*
    Caleb: I am of the Empire... But I am no friend to the Empire. One of your own came to retrieve this, and fell, and I bring it to you.

  • The Bright Queen's response, after ordering the Mighty Nein be released from their bindings.
    Bright Queen: You bring us hope, and you have undone one of many great wounds against us today... I have no words... My emotions burn within my chest... If you are no friend to the Empire, you have certainly today become the heroes of the Dynasty.

     Episode 57: In Love and War 
  • The Bright Queen's declaration on the war between the Dwendalian Empire and the Kryn Dynasty:
    Empress Leylas Kryn: What happens now is retribution. What happens now has been earned by their actions, and by taking something that we require. We will not stop until we’ve left an equal or more share of blood across the Marrow Valley and beyond.

  • Caleb's request for the Bright Queen:
    Caleb: One request that I had–I have two, but one is that her Ladyship consider is that the empire we are from is full of very good people. Most–almost all. I have been scarred by the few who do not fit that category. And rather than kill the entire animal, I ask that you consider cutting the cancer out, so that the whole may live.

  • Yeza to Nott when she says she’s afraid for their future:
    Yeza: What are you scared of now? You made it all the way here. And I know what that took... You’re braver than I could ever be.

  • Yasha asking Caduceus about his feelings regarding his mission.
    Caduceus: I, uh. I will admit I'm a little nervous, Miss Yasha. I feel... I thought I understood a sense of purpose. I thought I knew what I was head for and now I'm so sure. I'm worried that might be a little dangerous. But, I can... That moment when I was under. I'm so grateful for it. Think that's, uh, a little dangerous?
    Yasha: Sometimes tragedy gives perspective.
    Caduceus: I believe in destiny. I believe that we are called upon to do great works sometimes. Or small works, sometimes. And, there's something special with these people. And with you. With us. And I'm going to try to remind them that it's important to honor that and not just... I think there's a great version of all these people, and of you.
    Yasha: I hope so.

     Episode 58: Wood and Steel 
  • Wursh gives Fjord advice on being true to his half-orc nature.
    Wursh: 'Cause let me tell you something: it don't matter. Yeah, we got history. But some of us... we don't let that blood rule us, huh? I know you feel the anger, there. Every now and then, but... don't let them define you.

     Episode 75: Rime and Reason 
  • When Fjord pities himself, and questions what his new role would be in the Mighty Nein:
Caduceus: Eventually, one day, someone will pray for a miracle. Pray for something to save them, to whatever gods are nearby... And that prayer will be answered because you will show up. That's how it works, that's what a champion is.

     Episode 110: Dinner with the Devil 
  • Caduceus telling Trent one last thing before he leaves the dinner table:
    Caduceus: May I say before you go, I think perhaps you are one of the most powerful mages that I've ever had the pleasure to be in the presence of, and for this I would offer a gift, because I think it has been a long time since anyone has pointed out to you that you're a fool. Pain doesn't make people, it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them. And you would know that but you have none around you, you said so yourself, you surround yourself with lies and deceptions, and I wish for you in the future to find someone who will mourn you when you are gone. Respectfully.
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