Funny / The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police

• From the first episode:
  • An Establishing Character Moment for Max:
    Sam: Gee, I don't know anybody who could firebomb kittens...
    Max: Here, let me!
  • Sam discovers a lump of unrecognizable green slime in a petri dish in the Geek's lab:
    Max: It looks like an incredibly virulent form of the Plague.
    [Sam scoops it up on his finger and tastes it]
    Sam: But tastes like butter!
  • Geek's exasperation on Sam and Max's Dynamic Entry
    Geek: Aw geez, can't they ever take the stairs?
• From "They Came from Down There":
  • Upon entering a deserted town by a swamp:
    Max: [reading the town sign] Bohunk. Population... [reads down a long series of steadily decreasing numbers that have been crossed out, ending with "1"] Varies!
    Sam: Curious. What could account for such a bizarre fluctuation of the populace? War? Famine? Rampant cannibalism?
    Max: CANNIBALISM! I VOTE CANNIBALISM!
  • The bit with the Crinkly Sole Survivor who tries to warn the duo of the monster that's zombified the rest of town:
    Colorful Oldster: HEED MY WARNIN'! The creature'll take all the fight out of a man, until he's no man at all!" [to Max] "Make him as faint-hearted as a widdle-biddy bunny rabbit, he will!" [runs off]
    Sam: I'd call that a fairly sweeping generalization about bunny rabbits, wouldn't you, Max?
    Max: If he wasn't such a likable old soul, I'd have to re-educate the tar out of him.
  • The real culprit is Mack Salmon, who has been kidnapping and enslaving the locals by removing their brains with the help of a giant mutant musky (Max snarks that this must make him a "brain sturgeon"). He then makes the mistake of trying to enslave Max...
    Mack Salmon: Enough! The time has come for you to join those you came to save in a lifetime of servitude to Mack Salmon! Musky! Remove brain! Obey!
    [Musky grabs Max and unscrews the top of his head to expose his brain]
    Max: Amazing! I had no idea my skull was threaded for easy access.
    Sam: [digging a $5 bill out of his pocket and waving it in the air] Quick! Press down on the medulla oblongata! Five bucks says he smells burnt toast!^note Another subtle indication that the series was partially made in Canada; Canadian neurosurgeon Wilder Penfield published an influential study on a patient with epilepsy who claimed to smell burnt toast moments before having a seizure.
    Mack Salmon: [as Musky turns Max upside-down and shakes him, failing to dislodge his brain] Come on, come on, this isn't brain surgery! [Musky tries getting the brain out with a toilet plunger, still to no avail; however...]
    Max: [baby voice] Ma-ma! [deep voice] Death from above! [his usual voice] SPARE RIBS?!? WHO'S COOKING SPARE RIBS!?! [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] Your clothes. Give zem to me. [Louis Armstrong voice, singing] "I see cheese and crackers..." [makes a buzzer noise as Musky shakes him; game show host voice] And that is the end of Round 2. [his usual voice] Sam! Sam, is it you!? [game show contestant voice] I'll take Paul Lynde to block, Peter.
    Mack Salmon: You fool! You've touched off his speech centre!
    Sam: Speech centre? I always thought Max had a cream centre!
    Max: [bounces off into a room full of brains in jars, knocking them over while singing in a Munchkin voice] "We represent... the lollipop guild... the lollipop guild..."
    Mack Salmon: Stop him, he's running amuck!
    [Musky grabs Max and roars loudly into his face; the henchmen holding Sam perk up at the sound]
    Henchman: LUNCH! [he and his fellow henchman let go of Sam and run off to join the other workers on their lunch break]
• Sam and Max coming to arrest the Mad Thespian in "The Friend For Life". Harvey Atkin's delivery kills it.
  Max (singsong): Hello?
  Sam (also singsong): You're under arrest. Remember? Crimes against humanity?
• From "Dysfunction of the Gods":
  • When Zeus towers over Sam and Max, demanding to know who they are. Max pulls a cord in his belly, inflating himself to giant size and bellowing in a helium voice:
    Max: WE ARE SAM AND MAX! CHAMPIONS OF JUSTICE! TORMENTORS OF ROMAN-FEATURED, BEARDED GUYS IN LOOSE-FITTING JAMMIES!!
  • And what Sam says immediately after this proclamation, "Pay no attention to my melon headed associate" and proceeding to deflate Max, who flys around while Zeus and Hera watch.
  • After an unfortunate turn of events in Las Vegas:
    Sam: That's Pandora's Box, little pal. You've just unwittingly liberated all the ills and horrors of society!
    Max: It's Vegas, who's gonna notice?
• From "Christmas, Bloody Christmas":
  Sam: The prison showers. If these walls could talk...
  Max: [shudders] I think it's best if they keep their mouths shut.
  • And then this is followed by a scene of Max picking up a bar of soap on the floor...while there's a Do not open till X-Mas sticker on his tush!
• The Vice Squad short (dedicated entirely to crushing stuff in dad's vice).
  Max: But remember kids, safety first. Always make sure to wear dad's protective eyewear. [puts on safety goggles]
  Sam: Hey! What's this? [pulls out a mine with the label "WW2 Surplus! Do NOT crush in Dad's vice!"]
  Max: I can't read a darn thing with these goggles on. Oh well.
  [Max then proceeds to put the mine in the vice and then it explodes]
  • "Seriously, call the hospital"
• "I'm gonna miss that little fella. He smelled like a fine Gorgonzola!"
• The puppet show our duo puts on in "The Second Show Ever:"
  Ms. Givens: Oh my, surely there's more to your occupation than just pummeling vaporous anomalies insensible!
  Sam: [falsetto] No, that's pretty much it.
• This gem from "Big Trouble at the Earth's Core":
  Sam: (after finding out the Earth's core temperature is near explosion levels) DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?!
  Max: NO! BUT LET ME GUESS!
  • There is also the scene where the Mole Scientist flirts with Geek...who awkwardly tells him that she'd be washing her hair that night. Please note that she is a preteen girl, SO that can be considered Squick to many people, but funny for the situation at hand.
• Max getting his wish to become a painted turtle in "The Trouble with Gary":
  Max: Agh! How could you?! I asked if I could be a painted turtle and I was completely ignored!
  [zap!]
  Turtle!Max: [falsetto] ...THANK YOOOOOOOUUU!
• This episode opener.
  Sam: Here's what we've got to go on. It's an unidentified substance, offensive in both appearance and smell, and it's been in the back of the fridge since we moved in.
  Max: It's either some kind of spreadable meat byproduct, ooorrrr nesting hamsters!
  Sam: It is fur-bearing, and that's what throws you!
• "Max's Big Day":
  • Max is handed a Sam suit and blames himself for getting Sam killed. Then the suit speaks...
  Sam: I'm fine, knucklehead. Much like the weasel utilizes its collapsible skull to fit through near-impossible spaces, I have called upon a like ability to collapse all my bones and bulky organs, in order to dupe these uncultured puppies into thinking they've rolled and pressed me into this unsettling garment. Ha ha ha, neat, huh?
  • At the end of the episode, after Sam sums up the entire episode as they fly out of the jungle, Max notes they forgot something; blowing up the local gas station. It proceeds to explode for no reason.
• "We Drop at Dawn":
  • While exploring a forgotten part of Central Park, they stumble across a long-abandoned hot dog cart.
    Sam: [eats a hot dog] The over abundance of chemical preservatives have kept this long forgotten frank farm fresh!
    Max: [is fighting a living blob of condiments] I wish I could say the same for the sauerkraut!
  • Sam takes offense at the old hippie they find calling him a "cat".
    Max: I'll make you a deal: If you end one more sentence with 'man', I get to remove one bone, of my choosing, from your body.
    Sam: Two bones if you refer to me as a 'cat' again.
• Max's stint as a televangelist.
  Max: COME OUT! (Max smacks Sam unto the floor, causing him to spit up a wallet that lands in a donation plate) PRAISE THE LAW-RUHD!
• In "The Final Episode," Sam & Max lampoon the concept of Clip Shows and their excessive use of Stock Footage. Even better, the vast majority of the footage in this episode is entirely new, so "The Final Episode" was likely no less expensive to make than the others.
  Max: "Hold it, Sam. Is this turning into one of those shows where we sit around and reminisce, thereby recouping 80% of the episode cost via the use of clips and archive footage?"
  Sam: "Yes it is, Max. Now stop talking, stupid. It's costing money!"

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