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Funny / Roman's Empire

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Since the story of Roman's Empire is less tragic than its predecessors, it has many more lighthearted moments. And since the story is a World of Snark, it has no shortage of jokes and remarks for your amusement.

Chapter 1 – A Name To Remember

  • The opening with Roman and Dwight has a lot of different moments.
    • Roman tells Dwight not to be nervous since the guards can smell fear. Dwight actually thinks he might be serious. Roman's exasperated response says it all.
  • When Roman and Dwight take Cordovan to Kincaid, they get into a conversation about him peeing himself and Dwight says that he's old enough for that to be a problem even when he's unconscious… and Roman admits that he has a point.
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  • Kincaid's introduction. She's shown flirting with a girl who's no older than half her age and promptly goes to flirting with Roman.
  • While the torture of Cordovan is disturbing, the second when she pulls his pants down, Roman starts wondering why he's there in the first place.

Chapter 2 – Knowing Your Place

  • Roman shows up to Kincaid's party on a special invitation from her. When he doesn't get in because the guard doesn't believe him, he roughs him up just as Kincaid comes to talk to them. The guard's shocked reaction shows he knows he fucked up. And, of course, Roman takes the time to be smug about it.
    Roman: I warned you, didn’t I?
  • This exchange during the abovementioned scene.
    [Kincaid says] "Why don’t you and Dwight come in and I’ll bring you some drinks.”
    “I’d love to,” Dwight adds. “Nice to see you, Ms. Kincaid.”
    She chuckles. “Come on! Don’t call me ‘Ms. Kincaid.’ It makes me feel old.” Before I can even say anything, she turns to me with a completely serious face and says, “Don’t even say it.”
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  • Kincaid's constant attempts to hit on the wait staff at her party. She is so shameless about it that even being called out on her harassment isn't enough to deter her.

Chapter 3 – Building the Foundations

  • Almost everything about Roman's interaction with Stacy "the Stace" Greene.
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  • Dwight's utter shock at the fact that Roman has a fiancé.
  • And then the reason why he decided to marry her. Dwight's reaction sums it up.
    Dwight: Let Me Get This Straight..., you’re marrying a girl just because you wanted a queen for your currently non-existent criminal empire?
    Roman: It's not the only reason I’m marrying her… she's good-looking, too. Just like me. It only makes sense that we're together.
  • When Roman says that he needs to advertise that he's hiring workers. When Dwight mentions that people won't want to work for the guy who got hassled by every major mob boss in town, Roman says that it will help to not post the mortality rates.
  • The fact that Neo is twenty-two years old! (And this is three years before CRME.) Roman and Dwight's reactions really sell this.
  • Roman and Dwight find it utterly hilarious that Neo wants to be their muscle. She proves it to him by tackling Dwight and pointing her sword at his throat. Completely scaring the crap out of Dwight.
  • Roman's three demands to get Neo to stop attacking his henchmen: give the weapons and truck back, let Roman operate freely in his territory, and stop calling himself "the Stace".
    "Honestly, that’s just for your own good."
  • While it's intimidating that Neo can kill multiple men and maim them without effort, the moment when Roman tells her to stop… she still gets one last stab in before going back to him.

Chapter 4 – The Price of Wearing the Crown

  • The fact that Chloe thinks that Neo is so adorable that she can't help but pinch her cheeks. Something that annoys Neo.
  • Chloe's description of Neo is to call her an "adorable death-machine."
  • The fact that Neo is so Ax-Crazy that she gets childlike glee at the prospect of killing people for Roman. He has to tell her not to do it like a parent telling a child to be patient. And she pouts when Roman determines that it isn't necessary.
    Roman: I know, Neo. You really wanted to kill some people, but we don't need to right now. Maybe next time.
  • Roman's interaction with Junior and the Malachite Twins.
    • Junior would like to say that it's a pleasure to see him, but his mother told him not to lie to people.
      Roman: Well, I can’t fault you for your honesty.
    • Junior tells him smoking isn't allowed as Roman lights a cigar, Roman bluntly indicates that he doesn't give two shits about it.
    • Roman's notes that he can't account for the minor drop in business to Junior's club just because he takes a few of his workers.
    • More of Junior's awareness that his men are crap.
      Junior: Just try not to kill half of them. I know they’re idiots, but I still need them back to work.
      Roman: In my defense, if Neo doesn’t get to kill someone after a while, it gets ugly real fast.
  • Roman talks some big game when he gets kidnapped. He tries to threaten his captors by saying that Neo will kill them and they'll regret doing this to him. When the bag gets pulled off, he sees Neo right next to him. And he's not even mad about it. Simply impressed that they took her down.

Chapter 5 – Messing with the Wrong People

  • Roman implying that Kincaid got a boobjob during the Time Skip. Even though he gets a kick in the stomach for it, it's still humorous that he went for it.
    "Well, tell me. Is it because you’ve been getting some work done? I remember you being a cup-size smaller."
  • Kincaid's Faux Affably Evil act when she's building up to talk about the fact that she knows that Roman has been affecting his business. She makes so many sarcastic remarks while building up to the revelation.
    Kincaid: I’m still filthy stinkin' rich. But I was still a bit peeved to know I was getting ripped off.
    Roman: The great Violet Kincaid getting ripped off?
    Kincaid: [matching his facetious tone] I know!
  • There's also her casual indifference about committing violence. She talks about being annoyed about children screaming while she kills them with the same nonchalance of talking about being inconvenienced at the DMV. Black Comedy for sure, but still.

Chapter 6 – Long Live the King


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