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Funny / Joe Pera Talks With You

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Joe Pera Shows You Iron

  • After getting interrupted by the Melsky family during his iron presentation, Joe spends the rest of the episode holding up two mineral rocks in his hands.
  • When Sue and Nicole Melsky go up to look at Joe's room, Joe puts his hand over something above his bed. Look closely and you can see it's a Hawaiian postcard with a picture of a woman in a bikini on it.
  • Joe's conversation with Gene about selling his house.
    Joe: Is your house for sale if someone else puts a For Sale sign on your lawn? I think I'm being pranked again by local teens.
    Gene: One time I was at a yard sale. With Lulu. I got a blue dot sticker stuck to my shirt. Ha. Someone offered me three dollars for it.
    Joe: What happened, Gene?
    Gene: I thought about selling it, but I couldn't. It's the shirt my sons designed for me. And also, I didn't want anyone to see my nipples.
    Joe: I understand that. I was a chubby boy.
    Gene: Yes.
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  • One of the reasons Joe states for why he doesn't want to sell his house is because seven wild turkeys came into his backyard and he fed them Applejacks, and he's hoping they'll come back.
  • "I don't want to move to Ontario. But I also can't have another lawsuit in my life right now. I need an ice cream."
    • At the end of the episode, Joe explains that the reason he has a lawsuit is that he and Gene are just suing each other to learn about the legal system and to determine whether there's racial bias in the courts.
  • Joe apparently gives his Nana rocks a lot, which she uses as paperweights.

Joe Pera Takes You To Breakfast

  • Joe apologizes for getting too "excited" about breakfast after saying "I think breakfast rocks, dude" in his regular tone of voice.
  • "Gravy makes me sleepy, and I have to go to the bank this afternoon."
  • Joe learning about Gene and Lulu's breakfast crews.
    Gene: A breakfast crew is a group of living individuals who meet for breakfast at the same spot at the same time. We do Saturdays at nine. We even have a name; The Over-Easys.
    Joe: That's great. What do your wives do?
    Gene: They got their own breakfast crew. They're called the Pink Grapefruits. They're right over there.
    Joe: Oh. Hi Lulu.
    Lulu: Hey Joe. Please, don't come over here.
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  • Joe's prize for his best student is a green apple.
  • Mike Melsky gets extremely angry when he can't get his "Perfect Egg Bite" right.
    Mike: I need a win! Things aren't going well for me.

Joe Pera Takes You on a Fall Drive

  • The episode begins with Joe talking up his utterly pedestrian 2001 Buick Park Avenue as if it was some kind of luxury car commercial.
    Joe: Luxury. Refinement. Power. These are three words I would use to describe the 2001 Buick Park Avenue. Combining engineering excellence with a classic interpretation of style, the Park Avenue is truly one of America's most beautiful automobiles.
  • Joe explains why he takes his fall drive every year on the Saturday following Halloween.
    Joe: It's a tradition that started when I was trying to answer the question; "How come jack-o-lanterns scare me so goddamn much?" I'm sorry to swear, it's just that for the longest time I couldn't figure out why they unnerved me, even though I'm bigger and more powerful than them, and I own a credit card.
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  • Joe and his Nana dressed as the twins from The Matrix.
  • When looking back at old Halloween photos, one of Joe's costumes is John Voelker, Marquette county prosecutor and author of Anatomy of a Murder.
  • Joe eating his lunch in his car to avoid hearing about another teacher's sexual escapades.
  • After Joe gives his jack-o-lantern a rather heartwarming Burial at Sea and the credits start rolling, he comes in with a Weird Aside.
    Joe: Doesn't that water look like root beer? I wish it were too. Unfortunately it's just colored by tannic acid released by cedar swamps upstream.
  • Joe's song, "Warm Apple Night".
    Warm apple night.
    It's a warm apple night.
    It's a warm apple night.
    Warm apple night.

Joe Pera Shows You How To Dance

  • Joe describes dance.
    Joe: Dance communicates something primitive and essential. Love. Lust. Joy. Guy bounce.
  • Bill brings up a Noodle Incident.
    Janet: Bill, this is Joe from school.
    Bill: Oh, you're the guy who grilled all the sausages in the classroom?
    Joe: Yes.
    Bill: Right on.
  • Joe is unsure of how to properly conga, thinking he might have to put his hands on the butt of whoever is in front of him. His hands end up hovering around the person in front of him, before Sarah tells him he's supposed to grab the shoulders.

Joe Pera Talks You Back To Sleep

  • Joe's list of reasons you might have woken up.
    Joe: Did the thunder wake you too? Or was it something else? Perhaps you're nervous about starting something new. A new job. A new baby. A new pair of dress shoes you're stressed about breaking in. Maybe you're waiting for the cast list to go up. Or perhaps your debut album is coming out tomorrow, and you're worried people will say you're ripping off Bruce Springsteen. But you're nothing like Bruce Springsteen. You're not from New Jersey, you're from Delaware. You make dubstep. Your hair has been thinning for years. You're 5' 1" tall. You have no teeth, you're all gums. Your microphone is just an old vacuum cleaner. You perform on your hands and knees and you sing about fashion week. ...I dunno. Sorry.
  • Joe's tangent about the soothing sound of liquids being poured.
    Joe: I could go for some wafers and milk, but it'd be a shame to get up and miss a good lightning. Rain tapping on windows has to be the #4 most soothing sound, and milk being poured into a glass is close behind. Whole milk is especially soothing. Then again, most liquid pours are. Watching liquid flow from a large container into a small container is a delight.
  • Joe shows you his sheet music collection.
    Joe: I love this piece because the composer looks like a little hamburger boy. Sorry to tease.
  • Joe's list of things that can take your breath away.
    Joe: You don't have to be a music teacher to have your breath taken away. There's a lot of nice stuff that can do that. Like, a really good lightning...great water pressure...when you almost die, but then, you survive...the flavor of a pineapple...when the hotel hot tub isn't filled with teenagers, so that you can relax your neck muscles after a long day of looking up at the air show. The Blue Angels were amazing in their FA-18 Super Hornets, but these jets are even better.
  • After mentioning that his students are willing to explain him new slang, Joe signs off, telling the listeners he hopes they can get back to sleep, and that tomorrow, "your crush becomes your bae."

Joe Pera Reads You The Church Announcements

  • Joe stopping in the middle of the church announcement to talk about how much The Who rocks.
    Joe: The holidays are coming up, and the Roy P. Shumacher Toy Drive will take place from December — I'm sorry. Have you guys heard of The Who? They rock! They're unbelievable! I heard them for the first time on Thursday and I haven't slept since!
  • Joe subtly nodding his head to the beat when he hears "Baba O'Riley" for the first time.
  • Joe energetically dancing and jumping around his house listening to "Baba O'Riley", eventually getting the pizza delivery guy to join in.
  • As Joe bids the viewers good-bye at the end of the episode, he repeatedly gets his car stuck in some snow, repeating "Aw, shoot. Aw, shoot." each time.

Joe Pera Lights Up The Night With You

  • Joe's attempt to entertain little Kelsey Malsky is a game called "Find the Log".
  • Gene sends Joe a text saying that he and Lulu are wearing blue underwear.
    Joe: Seems like TMI, but in several Latin-American countries, they believe that the color of your underwear on New Year's will determine what the new year will bring. Blue underwear brings you good health, yellow prosperity, red brings romance, and white brings peace and harmony. I just wonder what color underwear I'd need to wear to get my New Year's wish; a commercial deli slicer, so I can slice my own cold cuts just the way I like them. Nice and thick.
  • Joe wonders why people don't cheer after every firework.
    Joe: This reminds me of something I've been wondering about; How come people don't cheer after every firework? Fireworks are amazing. But I've noticed people will cheer for the first two or three of them, but then, by the fourth or fifth firework, go quiet and blank, as if they were staring out a train window on their way to visit Gigi and Pup-Pup. And I considered; Why does this happen? What are they thinking about? Who is Keyser Söze?
  • Pera's Four Stages Of Watching Fireworks
    Stage One: Wow
    Stage Two: Thinking about fireworks
    Stage Three: Thinking about ex-girlfriends
    Stage Four: Grand finale

Joe Pera Tells You About The Rat Wars of Alberta, Canada, 1950 - Present Day

Joe Pera Answers Your Questions About Cold Weather Sports

  • Joe spends most of the episode without his glasses on, unable to see anything too far away.
  • We finally get a couple of explanations as to why Gene's wife, Lulu, seems to dislike Joe. First is when he and Gene ordered twelve movies off the satellite dish. The second is when he and Gene pretended to be French-Canadian fur trappers in the house while she was on vacation, and when she came back the whole place smelled of onions and pickling vinegar.
  • From Joe's solo auditions.
    Joe: If you're nervous, you can just remember that when Robert De Niro auditioned for Godfather, he lost the role of Sonny to James Caan, but it kind of worked out because he was able to play young Vito in Godfather II.
    Thatcher J: Kay.
    Joe: Have you seen The Godfather?
    Thatcher J: No.
    Joe: Me either. I try to avoid movies with violence.
  • Joe drops his meatball on his pants, and after his conversation with Nana, we see the massive stain it left on his pants.
  • Joe and his Nana talking about Sarah.
    Nana: Do you like talking to her?
    Joe: Yeah.
    Nana: Are you excited when you're around her?
    Joe: Yeah.
    Nana: Does she do drugs?
    Joe: I don't know that one.
    Nana: Can she dance?
    Joe: Yes.
    Nana: Do you think she's good looking?
    Joe: Yes. Like an old woman who was made into a young woman, in the best possible way. And she's musical, and owns a snowmobile.
    Nana: Owns a snowmob- a snowmobile!?
    Joe: A snowmobile.
    (Joe and his nana give each other an Eyebrow Waggle)
  • Sarah using her toilet in the middle of her conversation with Joe.

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