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Funny / Gravity Falls: Journal 3

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  • Ford describing the huge vampire bats, specifically their food.
    The bats will settle for cows or sheep but much rather feed off some feeble human. Human blood tastes bet████████████ I can only ASSUME human blood tastes better. I have not sampled human blood.
  • Ford calls the mostly unseen giant "Steve" because he "really acts like a Steve."
  • Remember that Invisible Wizard Mabel believed was responsible for Dipper's unexplained growth in "Little Dipper?" He exists! Ford used night-vision goggles to catch him trying on his suits, and the Wizard responded by turning said goggles into a bat.
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  • Among magical items Ford discovered, one was a Crystal Baldwin. It foretells the future, but only in rambling complaints. Ford apparently reburied it.
  • After the events of "Double Dipper", Dippers 3 and 4 (AKA Tracey and Quattro) hid in Dipper's closet and plotted to take over his life. Dipper stumbles upon them arguing over their "clone schedule" and accidentally scares them off with a can of Pitt Cola.
  • Dipper and Mabel told Soos about the events of "Irrational Treasure", which inspired the handyman to try preserving himself in peanut brittle just like Quentin Trembley. Dipper and Mabel proceed to prank him by pretending to be cyborgs from "the year bleventy-billion". To aid in the deception, the twins glued a fake beard onto Soos. However, this actually clued Soos in on the hoax; He's unable to grow facial hair!
    (The few hairs he normally has on his chin are glued on by him)
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  • Dipper is worried about Grenda after she described the Summerween Trickster as having a "super-hot" voice.
  • Among other complaints, this is what Ford has to say about the Mystery Shack's novelty weather vane;
    The weather vane makes no sense! W, H, A, and T aren't directions! What does that even mean?!
    • Also, the "Mystery _hack" sign is infested with owls "and, for some reason, a goat."
  • One time Ford rolled the Infinity-Sided Die, he permanently changed the sky's color. Luckily, he was in the Land of the Blind Dimension, so no one noticed except their one-eyed king.
  • Ford's sixth finger made him briefly the king of a finger-worshipping dimension, until a guy with seven fingered hands showed up.
  • Ford's rage at "The M Dimension" is a sight to behold:
    Ugh! Writing about this place after all these years has brought back to life the extreme frustration I felt while I was trapped there. The whole reality offended my ordered and scientific mind. I mean, how does it even make sense for a vacuum to be designed like this??
    (shows a picture of an M-shaped vacuum cleaner)
    If you think that's dumb, try looking at their alphabet: it's just the letter "M" 26 times! Why does a universe like this exist? Why did I have to spend time there? Why did they keep telling me to "mave a monderful mime"!?
    Even though was I feeling "muicidal" after just 10 minutes there, at least they were relatively kind to me, considering how strange I must have looked to them. Not like the people in the Symbol Dimension. Those guys are @$$&@!!s.
  • The reason Ford insists upon wearing his turtleneck in the middle of summer is because he's trying to hide an embarrassing Smash Mouth tattoo he picked up in another dimension.
    • This after all the fan theories about the turtleneck hiding a horrific network of scars.
  • Ford questions whether Soos is a Man or a Baby, therefore proving those are indeed valid questions.
    • He also notes that Soos seems to have eaten an infinite amount of pizza. "That, of course, is impossible."
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  • Ford thinking "it would be tedious and annoying for someone trying to decipher" his coded notes.
  • On the entry for the Infinity Pizza, there seems to be a grease stain, with a note that Soos should have also asked for an infinite supply of napkins.
  • Mabel's responses to the ink-blot tests Ford gives her.
  • After learning about the Author's invisible ink trick in "Scaryoke", Dipper makes his own invisible ink and tries leaving a "sneaky" message on his first journal entry. He then spills the ink all over the journal as well as his pants. The next page over is almost completely covered in the ink from the spill.
  • We learn that .GIFfany did not perish when Soos destroyed her disc, but instead found herself permanently bound to a Fight Fighters game. Apparently, she and Rumble McSkirmish are dating now, though Soos describes it as "Sort of a complicated relationship, since they keep shooting lightning and fire at each other all the time. Also, I think he has commitment issues."
  • During that time in the dinosaur cavern from "Land Before Swine", Soos found an unspecified theropod dinosaur (whose illustration reveals it is some kind of spinosaurid with several short horns/crests on the top of its head) and named it "RadDawgCeraTops".
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