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Fan Fic / Uchibi Sasuke

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"The Third Hokage granted Uchiha Itachi's request to spare the Uchiha children, only to realize too late that they were all horrible devil children. Literally. Which may be why Naruto fits right in with the rest of the little monsters Sasuke's too busy raising to brood."

Itachi killed the clan, sure, all except seventeen of the kids. As the eldest, Sasuke is left to raise them on his own. Can be found here.


A light crossover with Ōkami.

  • All Girls Want Bad Boys: Discussed by Sakura. Part of Sasuke's appeal that he doesn't seek anyone's approval, doesn't have to and is one of the strongest boys in their generation. Since Sasuke isn't nice to anyone that he doesn't care about, it makes special when he's (presumably) nice to any future Love Interest.
  • Amazon Chaser: No Uchiha clan head marries a kunoichi that doesn't have a place on the Bingo Book and a massive bounty on her head.
  • Anti-Climax: The Wave Arc ends with Gato dead by Haku and Zabuza's hands when Naruto hires them.
  • Arranged Marriage: The Uchiha Clan occasionally has to take in new blood to prevent inbreeding, but those they choose have to share the clan's obsession with fire, steel, and death. Tenten's obsession with weaponry made her an ideal candidate, and she became Itachi's fiancee when Mikoto revealed that the Sword of Totsuka came with him.
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  • Badass Normal: Sakura. Lampshaded by Sakura herself lamenting the fact that she is a civilian born Kunoichi.
  • The Beard: Sasuke and Hinata are this to each other. Hinata drives away Sasuke's fangirls and Sasuke earns her the approval of her family and hides her interest in Naruto.
    • Sakura pretends to be Naruto's girlfriend so the Hyuuga don't think she's a threat to Hinata.
  • Because You Were Nice to Me: Sasuke earns Naruto's friendship by getting angry on his behalf and patiently explaining the meaning of sell-by dates when the latter is sold expired food.
  • Berserk Button: Sasuke despises traitors and perverts. It makes him immune to Orochimaru, who quickly loses interest once he meets Naruto.
  • Bi the Way: according to Word of God, Tsunade and Hinata
  • Blue and Orange Morality: Every Uchiha ever. They do not empathize with others, are taught from a young age that every non-Uchiha is lesser than them and "being fun to kill" is an attractive quality in a best friend or lover.
    • The plants, specifically Sakuya and her son the first Hokage: the Nara kept deer, so they were obviously evil incarnate.
    • Explicitly according to Word of God, the Moon Tribe
  • Boring, but Practical: Orochimaru eventually decides on stoping to chase Sasuke and focuses his efforts on getting Naruto... not because he has a Tailed Beast or anything similar, but because Naruto is an experienced accountant, and as head of a Ninja village Orochimaru has a great need for someone who can help him balance the books.
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  • Chick Magnet: Sasuke is even more attractive to women in this one, since he proves that he's good with kids by raising all of them by himself.
  • Crash-Into Hello: Sasuke is introduced to Naruto when the latter deliberately crashes into him, causing him to drop all the lunches he made for the children.
  • Creepy Child: All the Uchibis. Pretty much a given, since they all have demon blood...
    • Also, Sakura.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Gaara evokes this reaction in Sasuke.
    • Naruto's Young Gekigami form evokes this in both Sasuke and Orochimaru!
    Sasuke: It's the most adorable thing that I have not seen.
  • Deliberate Values Dissonance: mentioned
    The life of a ninja was no place for morality or civilian taboos, like those about underage incest. (...) What a civilian would have considered 'eww, no,' other ninja clans considered basic decency.
  • Dirty Cop: According to Shinobu Uchiha, her late father and most of the Uchiha Clan were this.
  • Eye Scream: apparently, Aburame allow their eyes to be eaten by their insects
  • Fangirl: Sakura is (a platonic) one towards, of all people, Orochimaru. And she weaponizes it to trick him into letting his guard down.
  • For Want of a Nail: With the addition of the Uchibis, things have changed quite a bit:
    • Neji's father doesn't die as the Cloud Nin ambassador trys to kidnap the Uchiha children, resulting in Sasuke killing them without repercussions.
    • Sasuke is less angsty and more competent fighter due to needing to focus on protecting his clan than killing Itachi.
  • Good with Numbers: Naruto's so good at math that he became the Uchiha math tutor and accountant.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: The Uchiha are descended from demons and descended from the Kyuubi while the Senju are descended from Sakuya.
  • Heroic Albino: Sakura becomes one when one of her experiments causes her to lose her pigmentation.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: Not to say Sasuke is incompetent, but Naruto is such a useful minion that Sasuke's ideal wife was a female Naruto while Sakura, a non-clan kunoichi with incredible drive, intelligence, and strength, was his second choice. It's also the reason why Orochimaru quickly lost interest in Sasuke, as Naruto proves to be useful enough for him to forego getting the Uchiha body so he could have a useful minion.
  • I Have Boobs, You Must Obey!: Kyuubi disguises himself as Rao to invoke this, as he noticed that he has power over men with them. Unfortunately, it doesn't work on Naruto.
    • Naruto invokes this with Sexy Jutsu with great effect on Sasuke.
  • Insult Friendly Fire: The grocery store owner has his usual response when he sees Naruto and sells him expired food. Unfortunately for him, Naruto was buying food for Sasuke to feed the Uchiha children. Sasuke ends up furious on Naruto's behalf and interprets it as an attack on his (Uchiha) clan. Sasuke ends up forcing the man out of business due to public outrage.
  • Kissing Cousins: Neji is engaged to marry Hanabi once she comes of age. Although Neji realizes that genetically it would be Brother–Sister Incest since their fathers were identical twins.
  • Knight Templar Big Brother: Sasuke to all the Uchibis. He has pretty good reasons for it.
  • Last-Name Basis: Sakura calls Sasuke "Uchiha-san" because Sasuke prefers it when she's more formal.
  • Mad Scientist: Sakura becomes one when given access to the Uchiha jutsu library to rise above her civilian born status.
  • Marriage of Convenience: Sasuke and Sakura are very happily planning on having a loveless marriage. Sakura is only interested in the power being the wife of a clan head would bring, and Sasuke wants a non-fangirl with no political strings attached.
  • Miles Gloriosus: Sasuke's opinion to why the clan was easily slaughtered by Itachi. Most Uchiha never actually work for their abilities while taking excessive pride in their superiority. Which meant they were outmatched by Itachi.
  • Minor Injury Overreaction: Sasuke attempts seppukku, believing he became a pervert after Naruto's Harem Jutsu causes him to nosebleed.
  • Ms. Fanservice: The Kyuubi kept the appearance of the priestess Rao due to its power over men.
  • Nosebleed: Sasuke gets a massive one when Naruto uses the Harem Jutsu for the first time.
    • Hinata gets one while she was spying on Naruto and Sasuke's training.
  • Ninja Pirate Demon-Vessel Accountant: Naruto. He even refers to himself as such.
  • One-Man Army: Literally, Naruto. With divisions. Division One is the Holy Ramen Knights, and Division Two is the Orange Bombshells.
  • Pass Fail: Haku is great as passing as female, it just doesn't work on Team 7: Naruto figured it out quickly, Sakura's idea of a man-passing-as-a-woman is Naruto's Sexy Jutsu and Sasuke only heard Haku's voice, negating the crossdressing.
  • Pick Up Babes With Babes: The Uchibis cause women to flock to Sasuke.
  • Promotion to Parent: Once again, Sasuke. It was the condition to allow him to keep the children and prevent them from being absorbed into other clans.
  • Pygmalion Plot: Sasuke trains Sakura to become a stronger ninja in hopes of polishing her into a proper Uchiha wife.
  • Really Gets Around: Amaterasu is famous for her sexual appetite.
  • Red Baron: Sakura eventually becomes Sakura the White Serpent.
  • Tall Poppy Syndrome: The motto of the Uchiha clan pre-massacre: To make themselves look richer or more powerful than anyone else, they kill anyone more or equally rich or powerful and keep everyone else weak. It earned them the hatred of everyone, but they couldn't do anything.
    Shikaku: Uchiha ruin everything.
  • There Are No Therapists: brought up in the narrative; any appearance of weakness would be seen as an invitation to attack
  • Women Prefer Strong Men: Kunoichi prefer strong ninja, who presumably won't leave them widows.
  • 0% Approval Rating: The Uchiha. Everyone hated the Uchiha, because their idea of being the best and making their lives better was making everyone else's suck. This included nearly destroying three of the five original ninja arts; one of which is unlikely to ever regain its former glory. Coupled with their superiority complexes and their show-offy ways, Itachi slaughtering his clan would've gotten him elevated to saint if there weren't these things called laws.
    • White Sheep: Sasuke's one of the most tolerable Uchiha in recent memory, and by far and away the least annoying Uchiha Clan Head in history, simply because instead of taking on certain problems in order to show of his superiority, he makes sure they aren't his problems. At all. Because he's too damn busy raising seventeen kids and training to be a strong shinobi to just toss away his responsibilities just so he can show off in an attempt to stroke his ego.
      • Neji hates all of the Hyuuga Main Branch except for Hinata, because he recognizes that Hinata is much as a victim of the elders as he is. It helps that his father never died, because the Cloud attempted to kidnap the Uchibis instead of her.

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