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Awesome / Diamanda Hagan

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  • Diamanda's speech about Magnus Hirschfeld.
    Diamanda: I even brought my own speech. *ahem* "Hirschfeld was the first man to study sexuality and he was a founding member of the first official gay rights organization in 1901. He was outside of Germany when the Nazis took power, and his institute dedicated to helping gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, and fighting for equal rights for them, was completely destroyed. Most of the footage of the Nazis burning books were tomes from his personal library. Most of his friends in Germany either vanished, or were murdered by the Nazis." And this is the guy you base your evil doctor's assistant on. FUCK YOU!
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  • This completely justified comment about Schizophreniac The Whore Mangler:
    I think this is one of those few and far-between moments when one of our silly little Internet review shows can say, without fear of contradiction or being accused of hyperbole, that my show is better-looking than this shit!
  • She goes out of character to talk about her reviews at the end of her Battle of the Bone review.
    Part of the reason I do these reviews is to open up lesser-known films to a broader audience, and I always hope that someone goes out and buys a copy of the movie I reviewed. And I hope that doubly for Battle of the Bone, because low-budget cinema should be supported. Even when it's pretty damn bad.
  • She goes on a rant, calling Magwilde a cunt by explaining how she is in NO WAY a scientist or historian as she uses an ancient toothpick to discuss different culture's accomplishments. This clip shows her impressive grasp of history, considering she doesn't do research for her Bonekickers reviews.
    Magwilde: 4000 years ago, the Egyptians were building cities of gold. The Greeks, temples of marble. What were we doing? We were picking our teeth.
    Diamanda: Yeah, if you knew anything, you'd know that the oldest known human habitation is called "Skara Brae." It was found off the coast of Scotland and was dated 12,000 years old. And they had drainage. What were the ancient British doing 12,000 years ago? Oh, only building a human habitation that still stands to this day. What were the ancient Egyptians and Greeks doing back then? I have no idea because nothing they've built has survived that long! And whatever it was, I can safely say it didn't involve drainage. These things come in cycles. In another 12,000 years Bermuda will be ruling the world and most of the UK will look a lot like Arkansas.
    (A clip of British music over a picture of rednecks)
    Diamanda: A proper historian doesn't care where the awesome history comes from, because they appreciate it all. Fuck you, Magwilde!
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  • Her deconstruction of Memory Run:
    So, what exactly is the message here? That the body's sex can overpower the brain's gender? See, I did some reading on this story; the original author was a transexual. Now this might seem to be fairly obvious on the surface, you know, a man who gets forced to be turned into a woman, oooh. But, if you think about it, the point of transexuality is that the brain does not match the body, and the brain's more important, so therefore we must change the body to match the brain. Okay? This is the complete antithesis of this. This says, "You put the brain in another body, the brain will become accustomed to the body and it will be happy in that body." If that was the case, there would be no transexuals. This writer...has just raped their identity.
  • In the Virus crossover review, Josh the Anarchist challenges Diamanda to a "crazy-off" to prove he's the craziest reviewer. Josh suggests torturing a family for an hour. Diamanda describes how she's already done it an hour ago with incredible detail, including expanding scorpions placed in urethras. A horrified Josh immediately shuts up.
    "I just got finished with a family of five a few minutes ago. I beat them, raped them, I got the minions to beat them and rape them, I got them to beat and rape each other—that was fun, let me tell you that—then I got live scorpions and I inserted them into their urethras, and I made the scorpions grow to giant size, and then I made them beat and rape the scorpions—which is hard to do when the scorpions are the size of a small Buick—and then I had them hung, drawn and quartered, and then I fed them to the orphans in the dungeon. Those little bastards are never satisfied!"
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  • On a meta level, she finally posted the Gayniggers From Outer Space to That Guy with the Glasses after being afraid of the review being used to criticize the channel for insensitivity. She was met with great positive response in the comments.
  • In a minor but still cool showing-off-evil way, the Preaching To The Perverted review has her getting the Chick to say "paaaaink!" by threatening to kill her dog, friends and Nella, thus marking her as the only person who can get Chick to submit.
  • While reviewing the Doctor Who episode "Victory of the Daleks", she goes into a quite tantalizing possibility of how the episode's core premise could be used to make a far deeper and morally complex story: Churchill is aware of how evil the Daleks are, but doesn't care as long as they can help him win the war. So the Doctor is forced to team up with a German agent to stop them, putting Amy in quite a tight spot, as she doesn't know how bad the Daleks are, but does know how bad the Nazis are.
    • In "Planet of the Dead" she is quite upset with the "extremely gay" Russell T. Davies paying the horrifically homophobic government of Dubai (with the British public's own money, given how the BBC funding works) just for a few generic desert shots.
    • She also gives a vastly superior plot outline for the Tenth Doctor's regeneration than the one we got.
  • In the commentary for Heavy Metal, she and Doug having a perfectly reasonable, no-squick-involved discussion on the censorship laws for both female and male nudity.
  • Her and Omega's statements on "The Magfest Incident."
  • Since director Stuart Urban liked her review of his film Preaching To The Perverted and Hagan helped publicise the films Blu-Ray remastering Kickstarter, a (re-edited version) of her review has ended up on the Blu-Ray release of the film in what might be a first for Internet reviewers.
  • In the last episode of her Demons reviews, she details out a most likely true scenario as to how two characters (one appearing posthumously) most likely died; one of the main characters probably killed them both due to his Fantastic Racism. This scenario makes an awful lot of sense and, had the show actually lasted more than six episodes, and been smart enough to do so, it would have been kind of awesome to see it go the route Diamanda details out.
  • Creating a viewing guide for every season of classic Doctor Who. Every season, with each video filled trivia about the stories, information regarding what was happening behind the scenes, and opinions on what episodes were the best of season and which were the weakest. She even covers some popular fan theories regarding certain discrepancies in the show's continuity, and even devoted part of a video to discuss season 6B. The series is a labour of love if nothing else.
  • In the one hundredth review, it is revealed that Hagan actually has competent minions! Not only that, but they kill the Avatar Of Decent Humor. Finally, the theme song.
  • In the Season 6 premiere review of Vijayendra Varna (Power of an Indian), she executes a semi-meta Funny Moment by having a parody of America Fuck Yeah called "India Fuck Yeah", which does a similar job of riffing on Indian stereotypes, play during the epic climax of the film. The semi-meta kicker? The band doing the song is Vaults of Extoth, who have not only done Diamanda's theme song, but also have done some other audio work for her in more recent reviews.
  • Her brutal yet impressive Shown Their Work aspect in her review of The Passion of the Christ. She goes on record that the review isn't insulting or criticizing the beliefs of Christians, but rather calling out Mel Gibson's Critical Research Failure regarding the film and in her respective, seeing it more as Gibson making Jewish people look antagonistic and giving the Unfortunate Implications of it (Even stating quite bluntly that Gibson is Anti-Semitic and even pointing out Gibson's father is a Holocaust denier).
  • Father Ted - Fury Road.
  • Her explanation for leaving Channel Awesome.

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