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Badfic Fetish has a thing for Stand My Ground (No, not that way!):

All right, now is my first Live Blog (and my first independent thread). This is about the fanfic Stand My Ground, a My Immortal parody ripoff written by one Viandas Johnson, also known as Nick the Swing. This deliberate piece of thrash repeats the funniest worst cliches of the original fic, as well as it's parody sequels. Thankfully ( not!), it's chapters are shorter, meaning that the pain derived from this fic is shorter and less intense.

Here we go!

Linda Larez Landalandorena Rena Baltoretta Dark'Ness Sa'Ble Dementia Dia'Blus Damarka Dannas wuz relluy hawt. And I'm sure that we'll get more paragraphs elaborating on that sentence in three...two...one... She wuz a wizzard whu lurved going to Hawgwertz. Huh? No description of her clothing after the first sentence? That's weird. She wuz rally goffik, so goffik the boiz all lurved her, and and she had the stuffz evrynight. Because sex is the first and foremost thing in a teenager's life, outpacing school, tv, books, Tv.Tropes, and defeating the story's Big Bad, whose noniterference was what allowed you to have sex in the first place.

She started goinng 2 Hogwerds 2 years ago, and she becmame raelly hawt becuz of a lurv potion. Isn't that Brainwashing? At least she's honest about it.She wuz a Hufflpuf juzt cuz nobudy wanted her in their huses. Because Hufflepuff is just a dumping ground for those who don't fit the high standards of the others? Good to know.

She wuz too creepy for Grfynder (No comment), too cycnical for Ravendoor (so Ravenclaw's on the Idealistic side of the Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism? Maybe I should be sorted there if I get to Hogwarts), and too goffik for Slytherin. Huh? Isn't Slytherin the Designated Goffik enclave witin Hogwarts? What is this? A Parody!.

So, thye stuffed her in a colset. But, wasn't she a Huffulepuff? So the entire house has been relegated to a closet now? I'm so going Ravenclaw...She creid evrynihgth and did nasty stanic rituals. I perfer Chaos, actually. Or the Wrym. The True Fae occasionally keep their promises, as long as you have Cold Iron with you. She was a Santanist. Despite being on Santa's naugthy list. She wuz realluy hawt. Or it was Bad Santa she worshipped, and he gave her the love potion to Brainwash people. That works.

She slittedated her wrists evrynihght in a riytual to Satnan. The Nephandi give better offers (not that they would keep them, of course). Dsepite being sooo obviusly bad, the guyz lurved her and she had each one diely in hur bedd. So she killed them and turned them into Prometheans? That is so cool! U know whut I meanz, amirite? Oh, ''that'' way. Thank you for crushing my dreams, Mary Sue.

Refernces to Cynical Universes aside, the rest of the fanfic continues with a two sentence description of her looks, including two redundant references to her breast size. Then:

She wuz, hated, thogh, by, the, death, eaters, and, their, oinfernal master of darkness, darkness, and more darkness, Vladimort the Bludless, and his infernalest of the infernal miniunz the Death Gawdz. So the Voldemort ripoff has Shinigami in his forces. Strangely, I'm still not afraid.

Une day, she fell in lurv in a way so rommantik it had to be lurv at furst sight, like Romeo nd Julliet. Ahh, the obligatory Shakespeare reference. Linda met Draeco Malfoy and Harrry Poutter. They alllll hasd hawt sehx wit eahc uther in a 3som in 69 mode and mounting and sutf. So Yeah. Can't find anything more to riff here.

Lidna kenw she wuz in thu lurv, butt Damblidiorf did nut aprove. Uh oh, the preppie ded nit aproovwe. She starred at hur lurvers and sad, "Ah man, busted." There was no indication of "Dumblydore" coming in and screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!, I don't know whether I should thank you or damn you for that. She was very busty. As if we didn't already know!

((OOC: I was asked to do this by Nick the Swing himself. Blame him, not me. Also, finished!))

((Recent OOC: Changed 'allows' to 'allowed' and corrected some spacing problems.))

edited 21st Jun '10 5:31:05 PM by BadficFetish

 2 Nick The Swing, Wed, 16th Jun '10 6:21:37 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
funny...very funny. It was updated recently...
Thanks! I'll get on it shortly.

Chapter Two.

Linda uses Dumbledore's office as a toilet in revenge. He is predictably angry about this (as well as the sex). He shouts Do u now what u hav done? NO SEX ON CAMPUS! and twirls his mustache like an evil guy. Gee, we haven't seen that line before, have we? He then sends Linda out.

She was atakked on the way out by the preppies and raeped. But Domblider was watching and he said, "Its ok if a preppie does it. Especially to a goffik purson. Oh, no, you did not just say that. Oh, this incident will never be mentioned again and she will suffer no trauma for it in defiance of normal psychology, but it was still a horrible thing to do. Eat Trope Bullets marked Humiliation Conga, Pod Replacement!

Linda went into her dorm and watched a recorded Good Charlotte concert and slit her ristz. See, no trauma! Linda Darkness Dimented Ravenway Taracroft sat there, until she revived. Crosses and Steak will remedy that soon enough, methinks. Because she is a vampire. Don't remind me. Because vampire = hot. Orlok will disagree with you on that.

And then Orloc attaked and then Lidna danubed behind him and kilinated him!(geddit? Kill? Annihltae?). The Author's Psychic? I must put on a Tinfoil Hat!

Linda matt up with Harry and Darco, and they secret you know whatted. But of course! The Author only wrote her to facilitate OOC sex with hot people, and nothing gets in the way of that, isn't there. She was really hot. As if we don't already know. Hwoever they were ataked in the midle by... Here it comes... Crab and Gar Goyle! They had heel turned So they're good guys now? and turned to deth eaters and became a part of Deathly Voldemorte's Deathly Death Band of Doom: Voldemort and the Death Dealers! Boo! Your music sucks!

((OOC: Finished!))

edited 24th Jun '10 5:03:37 PM by BadficFetish

Chapter 3: The Grate Fite

Hoo boy, This fic isn't getting better. Dracola (which, if we're following My Immortal canon, is Neville Longbottom after Character Derailment) goes to get a coca cola but is ambushed by a grate zombie goast headcrab zombie which descended from above due to its gravity causing it to fall down, because gravity makes things fall down. Captain Obvious much? To avoid him, Dracola does that trick where he went backwards by his hands and feet one after the other after the other.

The "zombie goast zombie" gets fustrated and talks about wanting to kill.

Then... Outside, Mc Gonagall and her son Donagall were walking. Donagall asked, "Can I goes to Hogwartz?"

No, you will be a Designated Villain because you don't wear Hot Topic and don't worship Bad Santa.

Mc Gonagall snaped (She turned to Snape), "NO! YOU WILL BE KILLED BY DEMONS!"

Because you don't worship Bad Santa!

And then Donagall got a wepon and killed the demon.

See mum, I can take care of myself just fine!

Meanwhile, Dracola and Linda are busy having sex in Hogwart's time of need. Outside, Harry/Vampire Potter is busy figthing a buldozer and they are doing nothing to help. How like them.

Then Harry danubed a while away to avoid being attakked. And then the Bulldozer was a Zombie Goast.

Mc Gonagall and Donagall shouted, "harry, you must rock the fuck out!" And then Harry grabbed a rocking guitar and shouted, "rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock the rock!"

Rocks fell and everyone died, allowing the ''real'' Hogwarts characters to escape the Sue's prison.

Jack Chicken screamed, he hated on rock a lot and then he exploded. If he's meant to be Jack Chick, then the author has finally done something awesome except for this parody. Because Chuck Norris. Fine then.

The Buldozer get's destroyed and then headcrab zombies attack. Donagall makes a Heroic Sacrifice, screaming, "Zombie goasts, leave this place!"

Then someone named jimm attacks, but is blown up along with Dallas. Vampire screams.

Menwhile, Godot Frenchman was studying in his was studying laboratoried. Vampire ate Blood Bananas, but these were blood bananas made of blood. This is important how?

And then Nazis. And Hitler became a super saiyan. He attacked as well. By the end of the day, everyone had fought, and somehow, Hogwarts had survived to make it too...

Yawn, who cares about this fake Hogwarts anyway?

((OOC: Finished! I hope I was funny.))

((Recent OOC: Added the word "don't" before the phrase "wear Hot topic and don't worship Bad Santa.))

edited 28th Jun '10 7:54:17 PM by BadficFetish

Chapter 4: Evil Self

One dae, the Grifindor comon room exploded in a violent, explosive way. It was the characters from the Real Hogwarts escaping! Many people were hurt. They want VENGANCE! Luckily, everyone got out in time. Boo! That was when the evil side of Vampir Potter appeared. It was Corrupted Self, and he was pissed Vampir had done so much good 4 mankind. More than VashBlade, you mean? That's not difficult. They fought and Vampir did a crucio on corupted self. It laughed, it liked pain. Vampire should take lessons in Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Corupted self used hyper beam. Vampir dodged and did abra kadaver, but the spell merely burnt the corrupted self's clothes like Yamamoto's fire did to Aizen the Captain of Broken. This is surprising how?

It went away for a while to torment the innocent. Corupted Self kicked a baby in a stroller down a big road, and it eventually hit a car, making the car explode very violently and distroying the entier block in a massive fire ball. Dumbelldoor was too busy being with his alzheimers to do anything about it.

"Should we do something? I do not remember how to do something." Yawn.

His alzheimers got mad and gave him a headache. It also manifested as a Gurren and killed him in order to liberate the Real Hogwarts.

Dumbledore then floods the block with a fan-made spell, causing a huge storm of the waters witch put out the fires of the explosions. Gee, that didn't cause more damage than the explosions, didn't it?

Meanwhile, Linda Darkness Demented beutiful Taraway was rapped And the music made her explode! by som gangster types doin da solja boy crank dance. Don't want to know. And den a pale dude saved her and looked at teh gangster types, who exploded into fire...lots of fire. Then he set her on fire as well.

The pale duud was Eduard Culin. He came to kill her either because Even Evil Has Standards or he doesn't want any rivals. He dazzled and was not the chagrined. Or not.

They sexed in the Gyrfindor. As expected. He put his thingy in her you know what and they did it. Then a pile of Flaming Steaks fell on them.

He was liek a vampire , I could make a joke about how Twilight Vampires are not real vampires but that would be an aged joke by now. but she was ok with it, cuz fangs make a guy hawt.

And den corupted self apeared and telepoted them into teh past. OH NOES!11111!11!

Not quite a bad tactic, actually. Now, have the real Hogwarts students escape murderously and we'll call it a day.

((OOC: Finished! Also, Corrupted Self originally came from the So Bad, It's Good fanfic Christian Humber Reloaded. Check it out!))

edited 24th Jun '10 5:02:31 PM by BadficFetish

 7 Nick The Swing, Sun, 20th Jun '10 10:16:53 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
(OOC: I know, by that time, I was spoofing So Bad, It's Good and Memetic Mutation. The new chapter I am working on spoofs...TVTROPES ITSELF!!)
YES! So, have you read the Write a Badfic Thread lately?

 9 Nick The Swing, Mon, 21st Jun '10 4:28:02 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
I have, and some of the ideas are delightfully cliche, superbly badly written and horrifically awesome painful prose.
Perfect.

Chapter 5: Back in Tim!1111!'

Well, this actually looks fun. Linda, Edward Cullen (who gets called a pale dude again despite having his name revealed in the last chapter), and Vampire (who ended up time travelling as well because he still has some Protagonist privileges) end up in Nazi Germany, 1939. Right in front of Hitler, which is akward...

Hitler, apparently Genre Savvy from the repeated attempts of Time Travellers to kill him, shouts: "Areest the tim travelers, they must be jowish or ghey or somtin." What about Gypsies? You forgot Gypsies. Or Soviets, Poles, Czechs, Ukrainans, Dutch, Belgians, French, British, Greeks, etc, etc, etc. You have many enemies.

Then, he did the Gendo Pose. Don't you need glasses for that? Hitler left and then met with corupted self, who went "!" The latter is a far more credible villain here than in Christian Humber Reloaded, the fic where he sprang from. That is because he is not overshadowed by the Complete Monster protagonist that he's supposed to be the Evil Twin of. The two of them both did the evil laughing. As expected.

And so Vampir and the others were arested and put on a train going to a conservation camp (Where they're going to be fed to Killer Rabbits), where the people the Nazties did not like went. Understatement!

Hwoever, if tings went the Nazi's way, They would be shot on sight instead of going 2 a concentation camp, They would be shot on sight they wud b geven 2 corupted self, Who would have them in Bondage! who had gone back in time tooo becuz Vampir did. I belive we were shown that near the beginning of this chapter, thank you.

And then the train stoped. (Linda and Vampire had finally remembered that they had magic)! Dracola had arived jus in time by recruting Marty Fly and a bunch of peoples, liek the anmorphs, pikchu, and otters. All weaksauce versions of Morty McFly, the Animorphs, and Pikachu. I liked the otters, though. Everything's Better With Otters, after all.

Lidna Darkness Demented beutiful Taraway said sexily , "Lets assassnate Hitler." Finally, some action! Here's how I imagine it would go:

The Otters will be used as scouts and cannon fooder, while the Anmophs will transform to People named Anne, Ann, or An and take up guns against the main guards. Pikchu will Electrocute the snipers, and Vampire will fight Corrupted Self. Then, Linda and Edward will have their final confrontation with Hitler, and the latter will sacrifice himself to produce Wangst energy that Linda can use to power up her final spell. Then Everyone Dies.

No, not really. The author throws away the opportunity next chapter and makes it end up an Anti-Climax of staggering proportions.

((OOC: Finished! This was my favourite chapter, actually.))

edited 24th Jun '10 5:01:28 PM by BadficFetish

 12 Nick The Swing, Tue, 22nd Jun '10 8:54:28 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
(OOC: wow, it was that funny? And sorry about the anticlimax, I was subverting what everyone expected of the next chapter.)
Actually, it's tied with your first chapter on the Humor Race. But still, I liked it.

 14 Nick The Swing, Tue, 22nd Jun '10 9:41:07 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
yeah, did you notice how one of the chapters was poking fun at the Memetic Mutation page on Fan Fics?
Now that you mention it, I did. Next Chapter's coming!

Chapter 6: Beware, scray matiral hear, vewer excretion advised.

Linda assasinates Hitler in one second, but it turns out to be a double. The double then melts. Corrupted Self appears and says to Linda: "I killed Cedric Diggery. I made it look liek Vlodemort killed hum. I killed him cuz it felt good. More killing, more more more more more!" He should have an Evil Laugh. But other than that, this is actually In Character. Read Christian Humber Reloaded for more information.

Corupted self ataked Vampire, pale duud who As You Know, is Edward Cullen after Chickification and Lidna.

Corupted self did hypor beam on vampire and so he did shoop da whoop and fired his lazah. That's actually a little exciting.

Vampire dodged barely, getting his shulder burned and he could not longer giev the cold shoulder. (geddit?) Huh, wasn't Vampire the one firing the laser?

pale duud was suddenly taken away into the time stream by corruped slef. And There Was Much Rejoicing, especially from the real Harry Potter characters stuck inside their prison. Who did the evil giggle-laugh. "Muahahahahahahahahaha!"

Lidna punched him with a punch of courage It was discount courage from Honest John's Dealership and he shattered, Yes! but was not dead, No! but had been banished to the dark realm inside the book called the narconobricon. Depending on the length of his imprisonment, it's a maybe.

And then more Nazis showed up, but the time stream opened up. Lidna and friedns wur back in Hogswartz. Just in time to prevent the escape of the real Hogwarts characters.

((OOC:Finished!))

edited 13th Dec '10 11:46:41 PM by BadficFetish

Revision Note: I added the in-fic titles of Chapters three to seven to the Blog Posts, and bolded them. I also bolded the title of my Blog Post about Chapter Two, but not the one about Chapter One as it had no existing title, in-fic or out-fic.

I hope that wasn't too confusing!

edited 24th Jun '10 5:14:18 PM by BadficFetish

Chapter 7: Teh Evulz Plottings.

That doesn't sound good! Anyway, it looks like the author forgot about Corrupted Self's imprisonment in a Necronomicon ripoff, and had him return to the present as well. It even appears that everything had gone according to his master plan. In fact, He even went Keikaku Doory. So Yeah.

He meets up with surviving Nazis, and makes them into his Servants, like in Faet/Stey Night! Hmm, that's actually a good strategy. There wuz all of ten Nazis, three of them became Saburz, five becam Casters, and two of them became Assasinz. A Game Breaking combo! And they got new, hypergoffik clothes which wur VERY badass. I'll take your word for it.

Meanwhile, Linda and her friends return to Hogwarts instead of founding their own Goffik school. There, she is told that she'll be transferred to slytherin.Lidna sighed, "Oy, I bet that Evony poser is in there..." Like you're any better...

Dumbledore and his sentient Alzheimer's watch the scene, and the latter (who is revealed to be evil and not on the side of the Real Harry Potter characters) had Dumbledore tell Britney... And Dumblidor DID!

And then Britney Spears appeared in Hogwertz disguised as Blaze Zabiny disguised as Kiyomi Takada disguised as Noami Misora. You didn't need the last two, you know.

Britney tells Corupted Self, "I am have control and am in Hogwertz." Hahahahaha!

Linda goes to the Slytherin dorm, and the entrance is apparently "stan's mouth".

Evony opened the door and sed, "Go teh fuck away, yah fuckin' prepz."

Lidna got angry, You are not the star of this fic, Ebony! "That makes me feel angry! I am not prepz!" She casted sepiroth's supernova on Evony, who died becuz of epic fail. Yes! But she was NOT dead, Even though the Author said she was and eskaped with...The rappers doin the solja boy dance!11111!11! Linda framed the rappers for Rape in order to stop them from musically assasinating her with The Power of Rock. How Like Her.

Edit: Forgot to add the Last lines of this Chapter.

And then Hitler came back durin' the present timez to Corupted Self's council of evulz, and said, "We must kill the Jowz and destroi the ice parkz!" Ahh, so that's how he came to the present to be assasinated by Vash Blade so casually.

Anzen sed, "Exactly as planned." His fox face minion smiled as usual. They're the Authors!

((OOC:Finished! Yet another favourite Chapter, equalling the first and fifth ones.))

edited 25th Jun '10 5:35:01 PM by BadficFetish

 19 Nick The Swing, Thu, 24th Jun '10 8:10:35 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
(OOC: after reading that, I could not stop laughing...)
Which Part?

 21 Nick The Swing, Thu, 24th Jun '10 10:03:55 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
all of it...your snarky comments really made it good.

Oh and btw, I updated it.
Thanks! Starting the blog...now!

A/N: dis chappie will hav lots of hi octin nighmare fool An army of Zombie Court Jesters will take up much of this chapter. Cool!

Chapter 8: Britney's on teh attack!

Une day in the very goffik slythering dorm, But I tought it was a poser dorm! Britney and some prepz staertd to ride their bromsticks over to the dorm. It was going to be a quick, but vicious raid. Their intents was evul. Considering what they're up against, it's probably less evil than what the author thinks. Enfact, it lookd liek the attak on Kingbrudge by willam hamlay, butt with wands and broomsticks! I'm not really into the action genre, but that actually sounds cool. Kudos!

Britney shouted so very unsexily, As her enemies were unworthy of seduction "This is HELL, Goffs personz!" And I'm getting out of it! "Abra Kadabra, " she shooted And an Abra came and Teleported her away from Goffland.

The wall exploded, fatalaly implaling the REAL Blaze, No! I was going to be one of Bad Santa's Lieutenants! whu dies screaming 4 Linda to escape sexily. Make sure you wear only a bikini! You get less protection against fire and cave-ins, but at least you're going to appear sexy!

This ment that Britney culd impursonate her easier cuz Blaze was dead. Even though Linda clearly heared Blaze's last words. Though not Blaise planning to stab her through the heart

"Nuclear!" Shouted Britney! I will defeat you, even if I have to destroy both of us!

Nuklear energy ponded the inside, setting greeen fire! This is probably Nuclear Physics Fail, but who cares? It's so cool!

Linda returned from slitting hur ristz with Drako, Dracola, Vampire and pale duud. wild mass guessThe slitting wrists part was a Blood Ritual to bring him back.wild mass guess They were all wearing all black badass clothes, which had the shiniest shirt strings EVAR. Your lives are in danger and you're going on about your clothes? (Censored, Censored, Censordey Censored!) They were also wearing fishnets cuz those are just ubergoffik. Even the males? You really are posers.

Lidna scremed, "NO, not my dorm you bitch!" Ripping off Mrs Weasly? At least your delivery was okay, as okay as anything in this Parody! fic may get. "Abra Kadabra!" She shooted, pointing her womb. And another Abra came and disrupted Britney's efforts to escape Bad Santa's Hell.

And then Britney fell from her broom No!, but she kicked Taylir Swaft off of hur broom Yes!, and took Taylor's ina way eerly reminicent of Kanyay's upstagin act. Huh?

Dracola grabbed his badass gun and fired a car at Britney, who went like Team Rocket Boo! ...and came back Yay! , having kiked off Lavigne from HER broom! I don't know Avril Lavinge, so maybe?

Pale duud rushed at her, runnin like a manac and the sparkle light disintgrated Britney temprarily, And it was Awesome! but the folowing explosion also took pale duud, And that was even more Awesome! who glowed une final time be4 going to teh void becuz of Bratney's curse of drakness! He'll come back, eventually.

Corupted self watched the batle and sighed, "Ha, I liked watching that, nao, send for teh servants of evulz!" And not just those piddling Servants, I want Exalted!

The Nazis appeared in the slythering dorm, all three of the Saberz! They wur all dressed in white this time, cuz lite is NOT good. As anyone who has drank Coke Lite can tell you.

Lidna threw a smok bom, letting the goffiks escape to fite anoter day! That was actually sort of Badass. I'll cheer for you this time, make it last.

Oh no, will evil win? You're actually holding me in suspense!

((OOC: Finished!))

edited 25th Jun '10 5:39:23 PM by BadficFetish

I'll do next Chapter tomorrow.

Edit: Also, I just want to say that I have another favourite chapter. Guess that makes four!

Edit 2: Also, I forgot to blog about the last lines of Ch. 7. Sorry!

edited 25th Jun '10 5:35:48 PM by BadficFetish

 24 Nick The Swing, Fri, 25th Jun '10 5:50:04 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
you liked that chapter? I did try extra hard to make it funny. Hmm, maybe we could try to get this fic a tropes page.
I don't think it has a large enough fanbase yet. You're still the only one responding to the Blog, after all. That said, if you're going to make a Trope Page, make sure to put it in Troper Works.

Total posts: 90
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