Sorting Algorithm Of Mortality / Web Comics

To use the Sorting Algorithm of Mortality, simply add the Scream Score for each applicable row, then divide by the number of applicable rows (at this point, 13 or fewer). Remember: this is a relative score, so you need at least 3 characters from the same movie or series to establish a baseline. The original article is here. For characters who have already snuffed it, see Sorting Algorithm of Deadness.

Likelihood of death So dead   Average life expectancy   Die? Me? Ha!
Scream Score! 5 4 3 2 1
Age Older and Wiser Parent, Clueless teens Single adult Protagonist teens Child
Sexual Orientation Slut, Bisexual, Innocent Virgin Gay Straight Reluctant Celibate
Love Interests by Genre Rich Bitch, Horror Genre Hooker with a Heart of Gold, Temporary Shallow, Romance show Shrinking Violet Distressed Damsel, Action Series
Role Villain, Faceless Goons, Mooks, Red Shirt, The Mentor , The Big Guy Loners, Plucky Comic Relief, Mauve Shirt, Long-lost Friend, The Smart Guy The Lancer, Hero of Another Story, The Sidekick, The Scrappy Ignored Expert,
Those Two Guys, The Chick, Supporting Protagonist
Hero, Creator's Pet
Race Black, Twofer's, Leomon Mexican Asian Indian/Native American Caucasian or The Same As The Writer
Gender Tough Girl, Ambiguous Gender, Feminine Man Male Token Girl Action Girl, Final Girl
Aesthetics Ugly Fat "Average" Fashionably Scarred The Cutie
Personality Nihilist, Crazy Survivalist, Innocent, Pragmatic Jerk Jock, The Ditz, Insufferable Genius Nerd, Jerk with a Heart of Gold The Captain, The Watson All-Loving Hero, Friend to All Living Things
Flaws Too Dumb to Live, Skeptical, Genre Blind, Dirty Coward, Greedy Fell astray, The Stoner, Butt-Monkey (gritty), Smartass Wears Glasses Crippling Phobia Mentally Handicapped
"Virtues" Holier Than Thou, Curious, Pragmatic, Ambitious Quiet Girls and Quiet Guys Smart, Genre Savvynote  Determinator The Pollyanna, The Fool
Species Robots (non-living), Undead, Snakes, Arthropods Cats, Clones, Mechanical Lifeforms Human, Human Aliens Pretty Aliens Dogs (except in literature) (or Disney)
Occupation Retiring Law Officer, Villain by Default, Happy Family Man, Competent secondary female Military Commander, Anyone Serving Under Him, Hero's Best Friend, Mentor Scientist With Questionable Ethics, Innocent Bystander Adventurer Archaeologist, Teacher Super Hero, Nun
Prognosis You Are Already Dead, Take a Moment to Catch Your Death, Post-Mortem One-Liner, Last Stand Your Days Are Numbered, Pre-Mortem One-Liner, You Shall Not Pass Prepare to Die, He Didn't Make It, Time Bomb, Pre Ass Kicking One Liner, Jump Scare You Have No Chance to Survive, If My Calculations Are Correct Badass Boast, Million-to-One Chance, Ineffectual Death Threat
Health Chunky Salsa Rule, Incurable Cough of Death Overdrawn at the Blood Bank, Soap Opera Disease I Can Still Fight!, Made of Plasticine, Littlest Cancer Patient Made of Iron, Only a Flesh Wound, Ill Girl Nigh Invulnerable, Healing Factor, Consumption
  5 4 3 2 1
Pool predictions Killed Mid-Sentence Drop A Bridge On Him Sacrificial Lion, Stuffed into the Fridge Sacrificial Lamb, Dead Star Walking Plot Armor, The Worf Effect


Example Cast:

Series or Film Name Description of who's who and why they're likely to snuff it.
  • Character A:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character B:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character C:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun

Axis Powers Hetalia

Let's see what would happen if the Allies were in a horror movie!

America
  • Age, nineteen, so I think that's a mix between single adult and protagonist teen: 2.5
  • Sexual Orientation: None full out confirmed in canon, only Ship Tease, so Celibate Hero: 1
  • Love Interests: N/A
  • Role: Wants to be The Hero, so I'll let him: 1
  • Race: White: 1
  • "Aesthetics": Not exactly the cutie, but rather good-looking, so I'll give him a one.
  • Personality: A mix between Jerk with a Heart of Gold, The Ditz and Friend to All Living Things, I think that makes him a 2,5
  • Flaws: Crippling phobia of ghosts: 2
  • Virtues: The Pollyanna: 1
  • Species: Human: 3
  • Occupation: Hmmm... Probably a mix Between Superhero and Innocent Bystander, 2
    • Final Score: 1,7 - Wow, America, why are you so afraid of horror films? You'd almost certainly survive one!

England
  • Age, twenty-three, single adult: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: None full out confirmed in canon, only Ship Tease, so Celibate Hero: 1
  • Love Interests: N/A
  • Role: The Lancer: 3
  • Race: White: 1
  • "Aesthetics": A bit over average: 2
  • Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold: 3
  • Flaws: The closest is smartass, though I doubt he'd be so stupid he'd taunt people. Could hold the Idiot Ball though: 4
  • Virtues: Genre Savvy: 3
  • Species: Human: 3
  • Occupation: Hero's friend and mentor: 4,5
    • Final Score: 2,75 - Dammit, don't kill him off! He's to Tsundere to die!

France

China

Russia
  • Age Age unknown, single adult: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: While he's shown interest in China and Lithuania, I'd say he's to much of a Psychopathic Manchild to call it love. Celibate Hero: 1
  • Love Interests: N/A
  • Role: The Lancer: Closest is a mix between loner and Plucky Comic Relief: 4
  • Race: Don't know if Russian counts as Asian or white, so I'll take the thing between: 2
  • "Aesthetics": The least handsome of the cast, so: 3
  • Personality: Well, he's crazy, so Crazy Survivalist: 5
  • Flaws: Due to his childishness, mentally handicapped: 1
  • Virtues: Once again, due to childishness, curious: 5
  • Species: Human: 3
  • Occupation: Once again, closest is hero's friend: 4
    • Final Score: 2,8 - My, they all have pretty good odds

Might as well do the Axis members (Axes?) too:

Italy
  • Age: 20, so a single adult: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: Tough one. He did tell Germany that his first love was a boy, so considering he flirts with girls he would be bi. But he also says that he is a virgin, which would make him a Celibate Hero. Let's give him a 3 as a compromise.
  • Role: I guess he's technically The Hero: 1
  • Race: White: 1
  • Personality: The Ditz: 4
  • Flaws: A coward, while of a more loveable kind: 5
  • Virtues: Closest one is The Pollyanna: 1
  • Species: Human is probably the closest: 3
    • Final Score: 21/8=2.625. Quite high for a title character.

Germany
  • Age:20, a single adult: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: Again, debatable, but he's a lot more reserved than Italy, so probably reluctant: 2
  • Role: The Lancer, if we're going if Italy as The Hero: 3
  • Race: White: 1
  • Personality: I suppose the closest is The Captain: 2
  • Flaws: I can't think of any that fits: N/A
  • Virtues: Pragmatic: 5
  • Species: Again, we're going with Human: 3
  • Occupation: Hero's friend: 4
    • Final score: 23/8=2.875. He'd better watch out for the Worf Effect, I guess.

Japan
  • Age: He profile says "secret", but let's just go with single adult: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: Definitely a Celibate Hero: 1
  • Role: The closest fit is The Lancer: 3
  • Race: Same as the creator: 1
  • Personality: Probably a nerd: 3
  • Flaws: Again, none of them fits: N/A
  • Virtues: The Smart Guy or The Quiet One: 3.5
  • Species: We've gone though this already: 3
  • Occupation: Hero's friend: 4


The Dreamer
  • Nathan Hale
    • Age: Single Adult - 3
    • Sexual Orientation: Straight - 3
    • Love Interests: None - 1
    • Role: The Heart - 3
    • Race: White - 1
    • Aesthetics: Handsome - 1
    • Personality: Cheerful - 1
    • Flaws: Smartass - 3
    • Virtues: Smart, Genre Savvy - 2
    • Species: Human - 3
    • Occupation: Military - 4
      • Total Score: 26/11 = 2.36. Even though he seems relatively safe, he's still up for the Foregone Conclusion death, considering this is a historical webcomic.

  • Alan Warren
    • Age: Adult - 3
    • Sexual Orientation: Straight - 3
    • Love Interest: Distressed Damsel - 1
    • Role: Hero - 1
    • Race: White -1
    • Aesthetics: Handsome - 1
    • Personality: The Captain - 2
    • Flaws: Smartass - 3
    • Virtues: Action Guy - 2
    • Species: Human - 3
    • Occupation: Military - 4
      • Total Score: 21/11 = 1.9. Seems likes this guy ain't going anywhere, his mysterious coughing be damned.


Megatokyo

  • Character A: Piro
    • Row 1: Age: Single adult, so 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual orientation: Seems to have no trouble attracting girls and isn't explicitly celibate, but avoids relationships. 2.
    • Row 3: Love interest: Romance show. 3.
    • Row 4: Role: Hero. 1.
    • Row 5: Race: Caucasion. 1.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: "Average". 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: He's oblivious to most important things, making him The Ditz. 4.
    • Row 8: Flaws: Wears glasses (literally). 3.
    • Row 9: Virtue: Quiet Guy. 4.
    • Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Innocent bystander. 3.
      • Total divided by rows: 30/11 = 2.72. The fact that he is very explicitly and undeniably an author avatar pretty much insures that he will at least live to the end of the series regardless of relative scores.

  • Character B: Largo
    • Row 1: Age: Single adult. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual orientation: Celibate. 1.
    • Row 3: Love interest: Romance show. 3.
    • Row 4: Role: Plucky comic relief. 4.
    • Row 5: Race: Caucasion. 1.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: "Average". 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Would probably qualify as The Fool due to his inability to handle anything outside the realm of computers or games, yet his incredible luck keeping him afloat. 4.
    • Row 8: Flaws: Mentally handicapped (maybe not literally, but yeah). 1.
    • Row 9: Virtue: Pollyanna. 1.
    • Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Could probably count as something between Innocent Bystander and Super Hero, so 2.
      • Total divided by rows: 26/11 = 2.36. He's not going to die any time soon.

  • Character C: Ping
    • Row 1: Age: Appears to be a young adult, but has the mind of a child. 2.
    • Row 2: Sexual orientation: Celibate. 1.
    • Row 3: Love interest: N/A
    • Row 4: Role: Plucky comic relief. 4.
    • Row 5: Race: Appears Asian. 3.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: The Cutie. 1.
    • Row 7: Personality: The Ditz. 4.
    • Row 8: Flaws: Both Genre Blind and Too Dumb To Live. 5.
    • Row 9: Virtue: Pollyanna. 1.
    • Row 10: Species: Robot. 5.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Innocent bystander. 3.
      • Total divided by rows: 29/10 = 2.9. Despite this, the fact that she is a C-list character and could have her death be easily reverted makes her probably close to the top for death.


The Order of the Stick

  • Character A: Roy Greenhilt
    • Row 1: Age: Single Adult. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Love Interests: No idea where Celia fits in, so I'll skip this one.
    • Row 4: Role: Hero. 1.
    • Row 5: Race: Black. 5.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: Average, I guess. Hard to tell. 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Hard one, but I think 2 is about right.
    • Row 8: Flaws: No idea.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Genre Savvy, like everybody else. 3.
    • Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Adventurer. 2.
      • Total divided by rows: 2.78. Not that it matters, since he's already dead (he got better, though).

  • Character B: Xykon
    • Row 1: Age: Single Adult. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Love Interests: None, probably.
    • Row 4: Role: Villain. 5.
    • Row 5: Race: Caucasian, before undeath. 1.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: He's undead, that's pretty ugly. 5.
    • Row 7: Personality: Evil incarnate. That would probably be 5.
    • Row 8: Flaws: None that I can think of.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Genre Savvy, like everybody else. 3.
    • Row 10: Species: Undead. 5.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Evil, evil, evil. 5.
      • Total divided by rows: 3.89. Of course he'll eventually get finally destroyed, but since he's the BBEG, it'll have to wait a bit longer.

  • Character C: O-chul
    • Row 1: Age: Appears to be older than most of the main characters 4
    • Row 2: Role: Colonel Makepeace seems to be the closest fit. 3.
    • Row 3: Race: Appears Caucasian 1.
    • Row 4: Aesthetics: Fashionably scarred. 2
    • Row 5: Personality: The Captain again seems to fit the best. 2.
    • Row 6: Virtues: Gentle Giant. He may be a badass, but he also forms an Odd Friendship with the MitD. 4
    • Row 7: Species: Human 3.
    • Row 8: Occupation: Paladin, and a damn good one at that. 4.
      • Total divided by rows: 22/8 = 2.75. He may outlive some members of the Order itself.

Now for a test run:

  • Character D: Miko Miyazaki
    • Row 1: Age: Single Adult. 3
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Celibate and oblivious to Roy's (initial) advances. 1
    • Row 3: Role: The Scrappy. 1
    • Row 4: Race: Asian. 3
    • Row 5: Aesthetics: Attractive enough for Roy to be attracted when they first meet, but not be commented on by the other characters afterwards. 2
    • Row 6: Personality: Lawful Stupid. 5
    • Row 7: Virtues: Holier Than Thou. 5
    • Row 8: Flaws: Again, Lawful Stupid. 4
    • Row 9: Species: Human. 3
    • Row 10: Occupation: Paladin, and a very high-ranking one at that. 4
      • Total divided by rows: 31/10 = 3.1. Her Karmic Death was all but inevitable.

  • Character E: Vaarsuvius
    • Row 1: Age: Older and wiser. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Who knows?
    • Row 3: Love Interests:
    • Row 4: Role: The Smart Guy
    • Row 5: Race: Elf
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: It's hard to tell.
    • Row 7: Personality: Nerd. 3
    • Row 8: Flaws: Smartass 4
    • Row 9: Virtues: Smart. 3.
    • Row 10: Species: Elf (Pretty Alien) 2.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Scientist With Questionable Ethics. 3.
      • Total divided by rows: 18/6 = 3

  • Character F: Belkar Bitterleaf
    • Row 1: Age: Single Adult. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Word of God puts him as lusting over Vaarsuvius... I'll skip this one.
    • Row 3: Love Interests: Skipped.
    • Row 4: Role: Kind of a Plucky Comic Relief. 4.
    • Row 5: Race: Skipped.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: I'll say 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Evil, yet funny. 5.
    • Row 8: Flaws: Skipped.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Skipped.
    • Row 10: Species: Halfling. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Token Evil Teammate, kind of The Millstone as of late. 4.
      • Total divided by rows: 22/6 = 3.66...
Not too bad... Shame the Oracle thinks otherwise.


Scandinavia and the World

  • Character A- Denmark
    • Row 1: Age: Mid 20s, but really 1700 years so- 3
    • Row 2: Sexuality: OMNISEXUAL- 5
    • Row 3: Role: Goes from Lancer to Hero- 1
    • Row 4: Aesthetic: Slightly above average- 2
    • Row 5: Personality: Pervert with a heart of gold- 4
    • Row 6: Virtues: Uhhh... Nice Guy?- 3
    • Row 7: Flaws: Anything That Moves, wait anything ever- 5
      • Final Score: 3.3, I'm honestly quite surprised. Tho, I still think he'd be the first to do die if another cast member gets a "3" score.


Sorcery101
  • Danny
    • Age: Parent 4.
    • Sexual Orientation: Was married, still dates, so straight 3
    • Role: Not really a 'hero', but the protaganist, so 1
    • Race: Caucasian, 1.
    • Aesthetics: Average. 3.
    • Personality: Jerk with a heart of gold, 3.
    • Flaws: Jerkass, 4
    • "Virtues" Smarter AND Genre Savvy, 3.
    • Species: Despite being Blood Bond, still pretty human, 3.
      • Total: 25/9=2.77777777777777777777... Lets hope he survives...


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