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Anime & Manga
Nami: What? What's wrong?
Luffy: Something seemed weird about these bags when I grabbed them. They're really light.
Nami: Huh? What do you mean? Oh, come on, stop kidding around! How could they be with all that money inside?
Both: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Luffy: Something seemed weird about these bags when I grabbed them. They're really light.
Nami: Huh? What do you mean? Oh, come on, stop kidding around! How could they be with all that money inside?
Both: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Yuji Itadori: Run Junpei! I don't know what relationship you have with him, but right now, just run!
Junpei Yoshino: Calm down, Itadori! Mahito is not a bad - (remembering all the people he transfigured) - bad person...
Junpei Yoshino: Calm down, Itadori! Mahito is not a bad - (remembering all the people he transfigured) - bad person...
Audio Plays
"We just got a mysterious summoning to a house out in the middle of nowhere without any idea who our host is or their intentions nor were they at the door to greet us when we arrived and there's no one around for miles who could possibly help us and — we're all gonna die, aren't we?"
Comic Books
Janet Van Dyne: Here you are, all cheekbones and six-pack like some kind of Calvin Klein model, but the second you open your mouth you sound as ancient as my dear, old dad.
Captain America: To tell you the truth, I've probably got ten years on your father, Jan.
Janet Van Dyne: Now there's a creepy thought.
Captain America: To tell you the truth, I've probably got ten years on your father, Jan.
Janet Van Dyne: Now there's a creepy thought.
Gary Lester: It's too strong now, John. You'll never hold it. It'll never fit in the bottle, man. The bottle...?
Constantine: [Inner Monologue] Oh dear. The penny's finally dropped.
Gary Lester: You haven't got a bottle, John. How're you going to catch it? [eyes widen] Oh no. No. Please no...
Constantine: [Inner Monologue] A blizzard of flies engulfs us...
Gary Lester: CONSTANTINE! YOU BAASTAAARD!
Constantine: [Inner Monologue] Oh dear. The penny's finally dropped.
Gary Lester: You haven't got a bottle, John. How're you going to catch it? [eyes widen] Oh no. No. Please no...
Constantine: [Inner Monologue] A blizzard of flies engulfs us...
Gary Lester: CONSTANTINE! YOU BAASTAAARD!
— Hellblazer: A Feast Of Friends
Fan Works
[while discussing the Chrono Displacement spell Fairy Tale stole from the Shuzen estate, and Akua and Kahlua being members of Fairy Tale]
Mikogami: Where exactly was this secret archive of his? I'm surprised it wasn't guarded better if it housed such dangerous spells.
Kou: It was well-hidden and protected by Lord Shuzen's personal guard. It was a family secret that only he and his daughters knew about. It—
[Beat as Kou realizes what that means]
Mikogami: A family secret, you say? So Akua and Kahlua would have known about it as well, correct?
Kou: Ye-yes...
Mikogami: Where exactly was this secret archive of his? I'm surprised it wasn't guarded better if it housed such dangerous spells.
Kou: It was well-hidden and protected by Lord Shuzen's personal guard. It was a family secret that only he and his daughters knew about. It—
[Beat as Kou realizes what that means]
Mikogami: A family secret, you say? So Akua and Kahlua would have known about it as well, correct?
Kou: Ye-yes...
— Rosario Vampire: Brightest Darkness Act III
Matsumoto: Hey, um, this might be a stupid question... But...shouldn't someone from the cyber department have come to check on us by now?
Chiaki: Oh, we told them to barricade themselves in and not come out until we said it was safe.
They all paused.
We told them to barricade themselves in.
There’s a brainwashing video being broadcast.
The room they’re in is full of monitors.
It sank in for everyone at the exact same time.
Everyone: Shit!
Chiaki: Oh, we told them to barricade themselves in and not come out until we said it was safe.
They all paused.
We told them to barricade themselves in.
There’s a brainwashing video being broadcast.
The room they’re in is full of monitors.
It sank in for everyone at the exact same time.
Everyone: Shit!
“Hey Jason!” One of Jason’s neighbors, a tall, pretty woman with an afro who wears a very tight skirt and a tank top, leans out of her window to see them crawling out of the window. “Remember, Bat Night’s in two days!”
“Got it, thanks Marcie!” Jason says, waving.
“What’s Bat Night?” Steph says, following Jason down the fire escape.
“It’s weird, that what it is,” Jason complains, helping Steph leap from the end of the ladder by catching her. “Once a year he just shows up and he just… fights every crime. Literally everything. Nothing’s too small. He’s just here, all night, and it’s weird.” He shrugs. “So this year, everyone’s planning on staying in and not doing crime that night.”
“Got it, thanks Marcie!” Jason says, waving.
“What’s Bat Night?” Steph says, following Jason down the fire escape.
“It’s weird, that what it is,” Jason complains, helping Steph leap from the end of the ladder by catching her. “Once a year he just shows up and he just… fights every crime. Literally everything. Nothing’s too small. He’s just here, all night, and it’s weird.” He shrugs. “So this year, everyone’s planning on staying in and not doing crime that night.”
[On Bat Night, Jason and Stephanie try to steal Batman's tires, and are caught, like Jason was in canon]
“Try and catch us, you big boob!” Jason yells, as the two of them scramble into the alley, away from the scene of the crime. They run and they don’t stop until they get back to the apartment, where they finally let themselves breathe easily.
“Do you think he followed us?” Steph whispers, locking the door behind them, as Jason throws himself down onto their mattress, next to their stack of paperback mystery novels that they bought for a dime from the second-hand shop.
“Why’d he bother?” He asks, shrugging. “He’s Batman, he’s got better things to do than hunt us down.”
“But…” Steph says, sitting down next to him. “If he cleans up all crime in Crime Alley tonight… and no one else was committing crimes…”
Jason stares at her, eyes widening. “Oh shit,” he says, just as the door swings open, revealing Batman on the other side.
“Do you think he followed us?” Steph whispers, locking the door behind them, as Jason throws himself down onto their mattress, next to their stack of paperback mystery novels that they bought for a dime from the second-hand shop.
“Why’d he bother?” He asks, shrugging. “He’s Batman, he’s got better things to do than hunt us down.”
“But…” Steph says, sitting down next to him. “If he cleans up all crime in Crime Alley tonight… and no one else was committing crimes…”
Jason stares at her, eyes widening. “Oh shit,” he says, just as the door swings open, revealing Batman on the other side.
Sengoku's eyes slowly widened as he realized what was bothering him. When it came to mind games, Cross was a credible threat to anyone. But physically, he was among the weakest of the Straw Hats. Yet the pirate on the battlefield leading PX-0 on a merry chase was without his usual reinforcements: no dog-gun, no elephant sword, not even armored limbs. And then the most blatant fault of all: no other Straw Hat nearby helping him.
Another glance at his captain—who was getting too close to making landfall for comfort—only reinforced the issue. Luffy had eyes only for his brother and was barely sparing a glance back at his crewmate. Any of the Straw Hats on the battlefield should have been a distraction that they could capitalize on, but it was as if he wasn't worried about—
…it couldn't be. Sengoku stepped forward, eyes wide open as he stared down at Cross. The hood was down… no, even focusing now, the face was unmistakable. It couldn't be an imposter, not unless they could perfectly copy—
"SONNUVA—! THAT'S NOT JEREMIAH CROSS!"
Another glance at his captain—who was getting too close to making landfall for comfort—only reinforced the issue. Luffy had eyes only for his brother and was barely sparing a glance back at his crewmate. Any of the Straw Hats on the battlefield should have been a distraction that they could capitalize on, but it was as if he wasn't worried about—
…it couldn't be. Sengoku stepped forward, eyes wide open as he stared down at Cross. The hood was down… no, even focusing now, the face was unmistakable. It couldn't be an imposter, not unless they could perfectly copy—
"SONNUVA—! THAT'S NOT JEREMIAH CROSS!"
Ram: This [underground lake] wasn't here in the beta test?
Nana: This wasn't down here in the beta test. I spent way too long in these caves and I never ran into anything like this. I thought the differences in the rooms this far were just aesthetics, but now I have no excuse.
Ron: You mean there weren't any lakes down here?
Nana: There weren't lakes anywhere in the Otherworld. I mean, unless you count those icy ones in the Tundra. Most of us didn't count the icy ones in the Tundra. I remember someone complaining about water that cold being no place for... aquatics...
(party is attacked by monsters)
Nana: This wasn't down here in the beta test. I spent way too long in these caves and I never ran into anything like this. I thought the differences in the rooms this far were just aesthetics, but now I have no excuse.
Ron: You mean there weren't any lakes down here?
Nana: There weren't lakes anywhere in the Otherworld. I mean, unless you count those icy ones in the Tundra. Most of us didn't count the icy ones in the Tundra. I remember someone complaining about water that cold being no place for... aquatics...
(party is attacked by monsters)
Mila: So... what's your name, little Huntress?
Artemis: Artemis.
Mila: What was that?
Artemis: You asked for my name...
Mila: So your name's Artemis huh? Just like y-
She literally halted mid-syllable and my mother stared back at her.
Terror and realization are a funny thing when mixed together.
Artemis: Artemis.
Mila: What was that?
Artemis: You asked for my name...
Mila: So your name's Artemis huh? Just like y-
She literally halted mid-syllable and my mother stared back at her.
Terror and realization are a funny thing when mixed together.
Film — Animated
Fly: Wait! Wait, come back, you stupid fish!
Joe: I'm sufficiently intelligent to kill you if you don't stop bothering me.
Fly: So what? Any krill could do that. But, can you tell me what the square root of six thousand, five hundred and sixty-one is?
Joe: Uh? Three hundred?... Divided by forty? Minus three, is-? Erm... [drinks antidote] Eighty-one!
Fly: Yeah, but do you know what happens to an object that travels at the speed of light?
Joe: Uh... [drinks more antidote] It becomes pure energy!
Fly: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Joe: [guzzles even more antidote, becomes a deformed Half-Human Hybrid] It... depends on the relative amount of molecules in the universe!
Fly: What happens to a fish if it drinks too much antidote!?
Joe: IT BECOMES HUMAN!
Fly: And can a human breathe underwater?
Joe: OF COURSE N-! [eyes widen with horror just as he drowns]
Joe: I'm sufficiently intelligent to kill you if you don't stop bothering me.
Fly: So what? Any krill could do that. But, can you tell me what the square root of six thousand, five hundred and sixty-one is?
Joe: Uh? Three hundred?... Divided by forty? Minus three, is-? Erm... [drinks antidote] Eighty-one!
Fly: Yeah, but do you know what happens to an object that travels at the speed of light?
Joe: Uh... [drinks more antidote] It becomes pure energy!
Fly: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Joe: [guzzles even more antidote, becomes a deformed Half-Human Hybrid] It... depends on the relative amount of molecules in the universe!
Fly: What happens to a fish if it drinks too much antidote!?
Joe: IT BECOMES HUMAN!
Fly: And can a human breathe underwater?
Joe: OF COURSE N-! [eyes widen with horror just as he drowns]
(Manny, Diego, Crash, and Eddie are stuck dangling over the Chasm of Death, trying to avoid breathing in the toxic fumes)
Eddie: (couldn't hold his breath any longer) I can't take it anymore!
Crash: He breathed it! (gasps) And now I'm breathing it!
Eddie: (couldn't hold his breath any longer) I can't take it anymore!
Crash: He breathed it! (gasps) And now I'm breathing it!
Meg: Look, it wasn't my fault. It was this wonder-boy, Hercules.
Hades: (his eyes widen in anger)
Panic: Hercules... Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Uh, maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What was that name again?
Meg: Hercules. (Hades starts fuming) He comes on with this "big, innocent farm boy" routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
Pain: Wait a minute! Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...
Pain / Panic: OH MY GODS!
Pain: RUN FOR IT!
(the two try to run, but Hades catches them and holds them by their necks)
Hades: So you "took care of him," huh?! "Dead as a doornail"! Weren't those your exact words?!
Hades: (his eyes widen in anger)
Panic: Hercules... Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Uh, maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What was that name again?
Meg: Hercules. (Hades starts fuming) He comes on with this "big, innocent farm boy" routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
Pain: Wait a minute! Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...
Pain / Panic: OH MY GODS!
Pain: RUN FOR IT!
(the two try to run, but Hades catches them and holds them by their necks)
Hades: So you "took care of him," huh?! "Dead as a doornail"! Weren't those your exact words?!
— Hercules
Elastigirl: [Screenslaver]'s a brilliant guy. If he's smart enough to conceive of technology like this, he's smart enough to think of something to do with it. The guy we put in jail delivered pizzas.
Evelyn: So? Einstein was a patent clerk. He could— Look, you won. You got the guy who...
Elastigirl: Wait! All Screenslaver needs to do to hypnotize someone is get a screen in front of their eyes. But what if the screen doesn't look like a screen? What if... the pizza guy... is really a pizza guy, but he was controlled by the screens built into his gla—!
Evelyn: (slaps a pair of hypno-glasses on her) You are good.
Evelyn: So? Einstein was a patent clerk. He could— Look, you won. You got the guy who...
Elastigirl: Wait! All Screenslaver needs to do to hypnotize someone is get a screen in front of their eyes. But what if the screen doesn't look like a screen? What if... the pizza guy... is really a pizza guy, but he was controlled by the screens built into his gla—!
Evelyn: (slaps a pair of hypno-glasses on her) You are good.
Phil: I'll tell you what [The Punch Monkeys]'s problem is; their water supply is dried up. Tell them this word-for-word, Guy. (Guy starts translating what Phil says for the leader of the Punch Monkeys) I, Phil Betterman, single-handedly turned a desert into an oasis by diverting water from a high mountain source. Much like (sees the mountain in the distance he used to create his home from is the same one the Punch Monkeys got their water from) that... one. Wait, Guy, don't translate that!
Guy: (accidentally finishes translating everything Phil just said) Too late?
(The Punch Monkeys all go berserk at the revelation and start angrily throwing banana peels at Phil, Guy, and Grug)
Grug: (points to Phil) It was all him! He stole your water, ate your bananas, and ruined your society!
Film — Live-Action
Tony: Divide and Conquer is... great... but, [Loki] knows he has to take us out for him to win, right? That's what he wants! He has to beat us, he has to be seen doing it. He needs an audience.
Cap: Right. We caught his act in Stuttgart.
Tony: Yeah. That's just preview. This is opening night! And, Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, he wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built to the sky with his name plastered—
[Beat with Cap raising an eyebrow pointedly at Tony's choice of adjectives for Loki]
Tony: Son of a bitch. (he realizes Loki will use his own Stark Tower for summoning the Chitauri)
Cap: Right. We caught his act in Stuttgart.
Tony: Yeah. That's just preview. This is opening night! And, Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, he wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built to the sky with his name plastered—
[Beat with Cap raising an eyebrow pointedly at Tony's choice of adjectives for Loki]
Tony: Son of a bitch. (he realizes Loki will use his own Stark Tower for summoning the Chitauri)
Ophelia: Well, now, doctor man, who are we gonna get t'marry you?
Dr. Burke: I was just come to that, Ophelia. Look, I know I've played aroun' a bit in the past, but-
Ophelia: What are they doin' with those bells?!
Dr. Burke: Oh, it just means the ship's sinking, you see. I want to ask you. Will you be my- THE SHIP'S SINKING!
Gerry: What's the point in paying me off? You'll have to pay off every other guard on the West Coast.
Sheehy is silent, and smiles a little.
Gerry: The lot of them?
Sheehy: Enough as makes no odds.
Sheehy is silent, and smiles a little.
Gerry: The lot of them?
Sheehy: Enough as makes no odds.
Bilbo: Come, then. I won the game. You promised to show me the way out.
Gollum: Did we say so, precious? Did we... say so? What has it got in its pocketses...?
Bilbo: That's no concern of yours. You lost.
Gollum: Lost... Lost... Lost... [checks his own pockets and realizes he has lost the One Ring] Where is it? Where is it? No! Where is it? NOOOOO!!! LOST!!!! My precious is lost!
Bilbo: What have you lost?
Gollum: Mustn't ask us! Not its business! Noooo.... *gollum* *gollum* ...What... has it got... in its nasty... little... pocketses...? ...Stole it... You stole it... GRAAAAAAAAHH!!!
Gollum: Did we say so, precious? Did we... say so? What has it got in its pocketses...?
Bilbo: That's no concern of yours. You lost.
Gollum: Lost... Lost... Lost... [checks his own pockets and realizes he has lost the One Ring] Where is it? Where is it? No! Where is it? NOOOOO!!! LOST!!!! My precious is lost!
Bilbo: What have you lost?
Gollum: Mustn't ask us! Not its business! Noooo.... *gollum* *gollum* ...What... has it got... in its nasty... little... pocketses...? ...Stole it... You stole it... GRAAAAAAAAHH!!!
How can [the Commando Elite toys] be dangerous? Everything on them is standard. The design is standard; the materials are standard; the mechanicals are standard; even the... (is about to say "...chips are standard", but a dawning realization about the chips cuts the sentence short) oh.
— Larry Benson, Small Soldiers
[while discussing the message the Shredder gave her for the Turtles]
April: They said if you don't meet them at the construction site tonight, he said he'll send Tokka and Rahzar out again. This time into Central Park.
Donatello: Central Park?! But how are they gonna avoid all those... people?
April: They said if you don't meet them at the construction site tonight, he said he'll send Tokka and Rahzar out again. This time into Central Park.
Donatello: Central Park?! But how are they gonna avoid all those... people?
President Muffley: General Turgidson, is there really a chance for that plane to get through?
General Turgidson: Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russkie talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how. I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys! And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, look at all of them Nazis killed off, and they still wouldn't quit!
Muffley: Can't you stick to the point, General?
Turgidson: Sir, if the pilot's good, see, I mean, if he's really sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low, <starts laughing and extends his arms like a plane's wings> you oughta see it sometime, it's a sight. It's a big plane, like a 52, vroom! Jet exhaust, fryin' chickens in the barnyard!
Muffley: Yeah, but has he got a chance?
Turgidson: Has he got a chance? HELL YE... ye... ye...
General Turgidson: Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russkie talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how. I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys! And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, look at all of them Nazis killed off, and they still wouldn't quit!
Muffley: Can't you stick to the point, General?
Turgidson: Sir, if the pilot's good, see, I mean, if he's really sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low, <starts laughing and extends his arms like a plane's wings> you oughta see it sometime, it's a sight. It's a big plane, like a 52, vroom! Jet exhaust, fryin' chickens in the barnyard!
Muffley: Yeah, but has he got a chance?
Turgidson: Has he got a chance? HELL YE... ye... ye...
Dylan Rhodes: Okay, then, explain then. Who's behind all this?
Thaddeus Bradley: Somebody with an obsession. Meticulous.
Rhodes: Who?
Thaddeus: Somebody prepared to sacrifice everything. Somebody so prepared to lose that they wouldn't even be a suspect until the trick was done.
Rhodes: I don't want a profile. I need a name. Who? Who?
Thaddeus: I don't know who! But they had to have access to the warehouse. Plant the mirrors. Always a step ahead of me. And the FBI. Got past them not once, not twice, but consistently. Almost as if they were on the in— the inside. You. Why?
Thaddeus Bradley: Somebody with an obsession. Meticulous.
Rhodes: Who?
Thaddeus: Somebody prepared to sacrifice everything. Somebody so prepared to lose that they wouldn't even be a suspect until the trick was done.
Rhodes: I don't want a profile. I need a name. Who? Who?
Thaddeus: I don't know who! But they had to have access to the warehouse. Plant the mirrors. Always a step ahead of me. And the FBI. Got past them not once, not twice, but consistently. Almost as if they were on the in— the inside. You. Why?
Dr Tinkle: Where's my watch?
Mr. Hardcastle: You must've taken it off.
Dr Tinkle: No, no. I distinctly remember having it on when I started to sew that... fellow... Oh, no! An' it was an alarm, too...
Literature
The housemind had consulted 17387 volumes of thaumaturgical notes from the Master's libraries and found no description of any magical process that encouraged or required the practitioner to fall down a staircase and feign increasingly realistic death for half a month.
Primary Conclusion: Master Malkuril had terminally erred in neglecting the security of his footwear.
Pragmatic Secondary Conclusion: Master Malkuril would not be blasting his housemind for presumption. Or for any other transgression. Ever.
Private Simulation of Ambiguous Exasperation: Well, shit.
Primary Conclusion: Master Malkuril had terminally erred in neglecting the security of his footwear.
Pragmatic Secondary Conclusion: Master Malkuril would not be blasting his housemind for presumption. Or for any other transgression. Ever.
Private Simulation of Ambiguous Exasperation: Well, shit.
— The Fall and Rise of the House of the Wizard Malkuril, by Scott Lynch
"I was sure they were innocent, because of the manner and the moment in which they passed from unconsciousness to indignation. So long as they never thought they were accused, they went on giving me materials to support the accusation. They practically explained to me how they might have committed the crime. Then they suddenly realized with a shock and a shout of rage that they were accused; they realized it long after they might well have expected to be accused, but long before I had accused them. Now no guilty person could possibly do that. He might be snappy and suspicious from the first; or he might simulate unconsciousness and innocence up to the end. But he wouldn’t begin by making things worse for himself and then give a great jump and begin furiously denying the notion he had himself helped to suggest. That could only come by his having really failed to realize what he was suggesting. The self-consciousness of a murderer would always be at least morbidly vivid enough to prevent him first forgetting his relation with the thing and then remembering to deny it."
—Father Brown, discussing this trope and why he considers it evidence of innocence rather than guilt, "The Arrow of Heaven"
Live-Action TV
Rosa: Doug Judy's gone. He ran.
Jake: Why would he do that? He helped us catch the Pontiac Bandit, that was the deal. It doesn't make any sense unless - Doug Judy is the Pontiac Bandit.
Jake: Why would he do that? He helped us catch the Pontiac Bandit, that was the deal. It doesn't make any sense unless - Doug Judy is the Pontiac Bandit.
— Brooklyn Nine-Nine, "Pontiac Bandit"
Lily: Oh Ted, you're such a doof! I mean, this girl sounds amazing.
Ted: She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level and I'm never gonna see her again. (beat) Dammit, I have to see her again!
Ted: She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level and I'm never gonna see her again. (beat) Dammit, I have to see her again!
"Your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, okay? There were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents. So the joke, my friend, is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything. Nobody cares that I'm dead! (Beat). Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead?"
— Ross, Friends
[After the Seventh Doctor has just sabotaged a Dalek transmat device]
Ace: So no more Daleks can be transported here?
The Doctor: [Fiddling about inside the transmat] Well, it should slow them down a bit; until the operator can repair the system.
Ace: Operator?
The Doctor: [Distracted] Yes, the Daleks usually keep an operator on station in case of malfunctions.
Ace: And that would be... another Dalek?
The Doctor: ... Yes.
Dalek: STAY WHERE YOU ARE! DO NOT MOVE!
Ace: So no more Daleks can be transported here?
The Doctor: [Fiddling about inside the transmat] Well, it should slow them down a bit; until the operator can repair the system.
Ace: Operator?
The Doctor: [Distracted] Yes, the Daleks usually keep an operator on station in case of malfunctions.
Ace: And that would be... another Dalek?
The Doctor: ... Yes.
Dalek: STAY WHERE YOU ARE! DO NOT MOVE!
— Doctor Who, "Remembrance of the Daleks"
Vastra: I am trying to be delicate. I know how you can blush. When did this baby... begin?
The Eleventh Doctor: Oh, you mean...
Vastra: Quite.
The Doctor: Well, how would I know? That's all human-y private stuff, it just sort of... goes on. They don't put up a balloon or anything!
Vastra: But could the child have begun on the TARDIS, in flight, in the Vortex?
The Doctor: No, no, impossible! It's all running about, sexy fish vampires and blowing up stuff. And Rory wasn't even there at the beginning. Then he was dead, then he didn't exist, then he was plastic. Then I had to reboot the whole universe... long story. So, technically, the first time they were on the TARDIS together, in this version of reality, was on their w-w-w-wwww...
Vastra: On their what?
The Doctor: [almost choking] On their wedding night.
The Eleventh Doctor: Oh, you mean...
Vastra: Quite.
The Doctor: Well, how would I know? That's all human-y private stuff, it just sort of... goes on. They don't put up a balloon or anything!
Vastra: But could the child have begun on the TARDIS, in flight, in the Vortex?
The Doctor: No, no, impossible! It's all running about, sexy fish vampires and blowing up stuff. And Rory wasn't even there at the beginning. Then he was dead, then he didn't exist, then he was plastic. Then I had to reboot the whole universe... long story. So, technically, the first time they were on the TARDIS together, in this version of reality, was on their w-w-w-wwww...
Vastra: On their what?
The Doctor: [almost choking] On their wedding night.
— Doctor Who, "A Good Man Goes to War"
Captain: Brad, what do you have in your hand?
Brad: A pin.
Captain: Your other hand?
Brad: A grenade.
Captain: And what doesn't work in what you just said to me?
Brad: A pin.
Captain: Your other hand?
Brad: A grenade.
Captain: And what doesn't work in what you just said to me?
Simmons: Damn. Got hydrocarbons up the wazoo, but not a single oxidising agent that would cause an explosion.
Fitz: No nitromethane?
Simmons: No.
Fitz: Sulphonic acid?
Simmons: No, just carbon, nitrogen, phosphorous...
Fitz: Waitwaitwaitwait. Did you find selenium?
Simmons: How did you know?
Fitz: Jemma, you didn't find pieces of bomb casing in that office. You found pieces of...
Both: Inhuman husk.
Simmons: Fitz, you're brilliant!
Fitz: Well, we both said it at the same time.
Simmons: So that means somebody in that office went through a Terrigenesis, and then what, just exploded?
Fitz: We've seen worse. Big question is, how did Shockley... survive it...?
Simmons: Bloody hell.
Fitz: No nitromethane?
Simmons: No.
Fitz: Sulphonic acid?
Simmons: No, just carbon, nitrogen, phosphorous...
Fitz: Waitwaitwaitwait. Did you find selenium?
Simmons: How did you know?
Fitz: Jemma, you didn't find pieces of bomb casing in that office. You found pieces of...
Both: Inhuman husk.
Simmons: Fitz, you're brilliant!
Fitz: Well, we both said it at the same time.
Simmons: So that means somebody in that office went through a Terrigenesis, and then what, just exploded?
Fitz: We've seen worse. Big question is, how did Shockley... survive it...?
Simmons: Bloody hell.
Spike: Our little witch gives her the info and pop - Alice heads back down the rabbit hole.
Adam: The witch.
Spike: Uh, Willow. About so high, perky, good with math. Natural choice.
Adam: Her friend.
Spike: Right.
Adam: One of the friends from whom you've so efficiently separated her.
Spike: Damn right I did. You should've seen 'em. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long... [beat] Hang on. I think I might have detected a small flaw.
Adam: The witch.
Spike: Uh, Willow. About so high, perky, good with math. Natural choice.
Adam: Her friend.
Spike: Right.
Adam: One of the friends from whom you've so efficiently separated her.
Spike: Damn right I did. You should've seen 'em. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long... [beat] Hang on. I think I might have detected a small flaw.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Primeval"
[Buffy, Dawn, and Spike are discussing Glory's Mind Rape of Tara]
Dawn: How's Willow?
Buffy: She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute. But I cooled her down a little. Actually, a lot.
Spike: So, she's not gonna do anything rash then?
Buffy: No. I explained that there was no point.
Spike: [skeptically] Mm-hmm.
Buffy: What?
Spike: You - so you're saying that a... powerful and mightily pissed-off witch... was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what, "explained"?
Buffy: You think she'd... no. I told Willow it would be like suicide!
Spike: I'd do it. Right person, person I loved. I'd do it.
Dawn: Think, Buffy. If Glory had done that to me...
[Buffy realizes they're right and dashes off to save Willow]
Dawn: How's Willow?
Buffy: She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute. But I cooled her down a little. Actually, a lot.
Spike: So, she's not gonna do anything rash then?
Buffy: No. I explained that there was no point.
Spike: [skeptically] Mm-hmm.
Buffy: What?
Spike: You - so you're saying that a... powerful and mightily pissed-off witch... was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what, "explained"?
Buffy: You think she'd... no. I told Willow it would be like suicide!
Spike: I'd do it. Right person, person I loved. I'd do it.
Dawn: Think, Buffy. If Glory had done that to me...
[Buffy realizes they're right and dashes off to save Willow]
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Tough Love"
"I can do this. Everything's under control. The crying has stopped. My catapult's almost done. The baby's gone. (Beat) THE BABY'S GONE!!!"
— Josh, Drake & Josh
Freddie: We don't own iCarly.com anymore!
Carly: What?! Yes, we do!
Freddie: No, look! It says, "Unable to charge renewal fee, account closed"!
Carly: No, it automatically charges Spencer's credit card every — Spencer canceled that credit card.
Freddie: Oh, man! We lost iCarly.com!
Carly: What?! Yes, we do!
Freddie: No, look! It says, "Unable to charge renewal fee, account closed"!
Carly: No, it automatically charges Spencer's credit card every — Spencer canceled that credit card.
Freddie: Oh, man! We lost iCarly.com!
— iCarly
Bernard: Listen to the rubbish in this book. "Don't drink burgundy in a boat." What does that mean? Wine is just for enjoyment.
Manny: You speak the truth, my friend. Look at this. I looked this up. It says it's worth £7,000!
Bernard: Nonsense. That's the normal, everyday... normal everyday drinking wine Freddie gave us, not the really expensive out-of-bounds stuff. That's from the cheap and dusty wine on the... on the right. Not the clean, expensive wine on the left. Not the- not the... that's the cheap and dusty... Not the clean, expensive... Now that I think of it, there's stickers from Londis on the bottles, and... There isn't any chance, Manny, is there, that you somehow managed to direct us to drink not the cheap wine but the unbelievably rare and expensive wine, is there?
Manny: [breathes deeply from his inhaler]
Manny: You speak the truth, my friend. Look at this. I looked this up. It says it's worth £7,000!
Bernard: Nonsense. That's the normal, everyday... normal everyday drinking wine Freddie gave us, not the really expensive out-of-bounds stuff. That's from the cheap and dusty wine on the... on the right. Not the clean, expensive wine on the left. Not the- not the... that's the cheap and dusty... Not the clean, expensive... Now that I think of it, there's stickers from Londis on the bottles, and... There isn't any chance, Manny, is there, that you somehow managed to direct us to drink not the cheap wine but the unbelievably rare and expensive wine, is there?
Manny: [breathes deeply from his inhaler]
—Black Books, "Grapes Of Wrath"
[Encountering her husband, Prince Daemon Targaryen, on a lonely road far from anywhere]
Lady Rhea Royce: Husband. What brings you to the Vale? Or have you at last come to consummate our marriage? The Vale's sheep might be willing, even if I'm not. "Our sheep are prettier", after all. Or perhaps your brother has at last had his fill of your company and cast you aside in favour of a little girl. What'll you do, now? Will you strike the child down? Or...
[realises the other option practiced by the Targaryens and her current position in it, and reaches for her bow... a second too late]
Lady Rhea Royce: Husband. What brings you to the Vale? Or have you at last come to consummate our marriage? The Vale's sheep might be willing, even if I'm not. "Our sheep are prettier", after all. Or perhaps your brother has at last had his fill of your company and cast you aside in favour of a little girl. What'll you do, now? Will you strike the child down? Or...
[realises the other option practiced by the Targaryens and her current position in it, and reaches for her bow... a second too late]
— House of the Dragon, "We Light The Way"
Lois: Do you think we're wealthy?!
Malcolm: What?
Lois: Do you think we're wealthy? Wealthy people drive fancy cars. They buy fresh pasta. Do we do any of those things? No! Wealthy people can afford to have their vacations ruined. No big deal. They just pick up and they go again. Your father and I work so hard, we worked so long. What is wrong with you two?! Are you aborigines?! Every time I turn around, I hear someone screaming and fighting, and I pray to God it's someone else's kid, but it's not, it's always you! Sane children would appreciate this, but you have to keep gnawing at each other like a couple of rabid monkeys! It is not enough that you do this every day, you have to make me suffer, too! So help me!
[Lois immediately realizes that she's standing right behind the entrance of a very treacherous Water Slide and notices Malcolm has a very smug look on his face.]
Lois: DON'T... YOU... DARE...! (jabs her finger at Malcolm threateningly.)
[Malcolm pokes Lois's finger with his own, causing her to lose her footing and get swept away into the Water Slide.]
Lifeguard: Arms and legs crossed at all times!
Malcolm: What?
Lois: Do you think we're wealthy? Wealthy people drive fancy cars. They buy fresh pasta. Do we do any of those things? No! Wealthy people can afford to have their vacations ruined. No big deal. They just pick up and they go again. Your father and I work so hard, we worked so long. What is wrong with you two?! Are you aborigines?! Every time I turn around, I hear someone screaming and fighting, and I pray to God it's someone else's kid, but it's not, it's always you! Sane children would appreciate this, but you have to keep gnawing at each other like a couple of rabid monkeys! It is not enough that you do this every day, you have to make me suffer, too! So help me!
[Lois immediately realizes that she's standing right behind the entrance of a very treacherous Water Slide and notices Malcolm has a very smug look on his face.]
Lois: DON'T... YOU... DARE...! (jabs her finger at Malcolm threateningly.)
[Malcolm pokes Lois's finger with his own, causing her to lose her footing and get swept away into the Water Slide.]
Lifeguard: Arms and legs crossed at all times!
— Malcolm in the Middle, "Water Park"
Howard Hunt: Are you sure this is everything? [Looks through the suitcase bag and then what was recovered from his safe.] This is the entirety of...what was taken from my safe, Room 16?
Earl Silbert: That's correct.
Howard Hunt: No other notebooks? Folders?
Earl Silbert: This is everything that was turned over to the FBI by John Dean. [Howard realises that the files on Fielding and Project GEMSTONE are not among the items.] Is there anything you'd like to tell us?
Howard Hunt: Christ! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! [Opens lavatory doors and kicks around] It's gone!
William Bittman: What— what's gone?
Howard Hunt: The GEMSTONE files, Fielding notes, all gone! Without those files, we're fucked! That's why they're leaning on us. The— The [Nixon] White House! They don't have anything on the White House. [Breathes deeply while going into one of the stalls] This is bad. Liddy and I are going to take the fall for everything. [Runs some water and puts two and two together] Oh, God! It was Dean!
Earl Silbert: That's correct.
Howard Hunt: No other notebooks? Folders?
Earl Silbert: This is everything that was turned over to the FBI by John Dean. [Howard realises that the files on Fielding and Project GEMSTONE are not among the items.] Is there anything you'd like to tell us?
Howard Hunt: Christ! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! [Opens lavatory doors and kicks around] It's gone!
William Bittman: What— what's gone?
Howard Hunt: The GEMSTONE files, Fielding notes, all gone! Without those files, we're fucked! That's why they're leaning on us. The— The [Nixon] White House! They don't have anything on the White House. [Breathes deeply while going into one of the stalls] This is bad. Liddy and I are going to take the fall for everything. [Runs some water and puts two and two together] Oh, God! It was Dean!
Newspaper Comics
Calvin: You're taking a shower, now? That means you're going out tonight, right? And you haven't told me to get cleaned up, so that means I'm staying home, right? And if I'm staying home, that means you've gotten me a babysitter, right? And that means you've probably hired Rosalyn, right?!?
Calvin's Mom: Brilliant, Holmes.
Calvin: AAAAAHHHHHH!
Calvin's Mom: Brilliant, Holmes.
Calvin: AAAAAHHHHHH!
Calvin's Mom: I though you said you were going to rake the yard today.
Calvin's Dad: I did rake the yard. I spent all afternoo—WHERE'S CALVIN?!
Calvin's Dad: I did rake the yard. I spent all afternoo—WHERE'S CALVIN?!
Theatre
I'm reviewing the situation
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
All the trials and tribulations!
Better settle down and get myself a wife!
And a wife would cook and sew for me,
And come for me and go for me
And go for me and nag at me
The finger she will wag at me
The money she will take from me
A misery she'll make from me...
I think I'd better think it out again!
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
All the trials and tribulations!
Better settle down and get myself a wife!
And a wife would cook and sew for me,
And come for me and go for me
And go for me and nag at me
The finger she will wag at me
The money she will take from me
A misery she'll make from me...
I think I'd better think it out again!
— Fagin, Oliver!
Video Games
Ky: W-Wait. Of course... How did I not realize sooner? Dizzy is Justice's daughter. So that would make... No... I don't believe it! Sol, that would make you my father-in—
Sol: KYYYYYYYY!
Ky & Sol: WAAAAAH!/AAAARGH!
(Beat)
Johnny: So... who won that shouting contest?
Sol: KYYYYYYYY!
Ky & Sol: WAAAAAH!/AAAARGH!
(Beat)
Johnny: So... who won that shouting contest?
"Would the owner of a white hovercar shaped like an egg please report to the front desk? Your car has been broken into. Repeat: Would the owner of a white hovercar shaped like an egg please report the front desk? Your car has been broken i— wait a minute, what the HECK?!"
— Dr. Eggman, Sonic Colors
"But as I left this mortal coil... I started to feel apprehensive. If you don't have a SOUL, what happens when you...? Something primal started to burn inside me. 'No,' I thought. I don't want to die!"
"Why am I telling you all of this? [Player], I said it before. Even after all this time... You're still the only one that understands me. You won't give me any worthless pity! Creatures like us... Would't hesitate to KILL each other if we got in each other's way. So that's... So... that's... Why..."'
[Snake is riding down the elevator and gets a Codec call from Otacon]
Otacon: Snake, there's something I forgot to tell you before.
Snake: What?
Otacon: There were five stealth camouflage prototypes in my lab.
Snake: Yeah, so?
Otacon: If you take out the one I'm wearing, that leaves four.
Snake: Hey, this isn't first grade math class.
Otacon: I thought I'd get one for you, so I went back to the lab and...
Snake: Yeah?
Otacon: The four suits were missing. Also, about that elevator I checked out... it's really strange. It was like someone was intentionally holding it.
[BGM gets more dramatic as they start to put it together]
Snake: When you were riding on it, did the weight limit warning go off?
Otacon: That's another thing that bothered me about it. The warning went off and I know I couldn't be over the limit.
Snake: How much do you weigh?
Otacon: About 135. But that elevator had a weight limit of 650 pounds.
Snake: It would take at least five people to go over that limit...
[Otacon's face fills the image on the Codec screen, a look of terror on it]
Otacon: L-look out, Snake! The guys who stole my stealth prototypes are in there with you!!
Invisible Soldier: Too late, Snake! Time to die!
Otacon: Snake, there's something I forgot to tell you before.
Snake: What?
Otacon: There were five stealth camouflage prototypes in my lab.
Snake: Yeah, so?
Otacon: If you take out the one I'm wearing, that leaves four.
Snake: Hey, this isn't first grade math class.
Otacon: I thought I'd get one for you, so I went back to the lab and...
Snake: Yeah?
Otacon: The four suits were missing. Also, about that elevator I checked out... it's really strange. It was like someone was intentionally holding it.
[BGM gets more dramatic as they start to put it together]
Snake: When you were riding on it, did the weight limit warning go off?
Otacon: That's another thing that bothered me about it. The warning went off and I know I couldn't be over the limit.
Snake: How much do you weigh?
Otacon: About 135. But that elevator had a weight limit of 650 pounds.
Snake: It would take at least five people to go over that limit...
[Otacon's face fills the image on the Codec screen, a look of terror on it]
Otacon: L-look out, Snake! The guys who stole my stealth prototypes are in there with you!!
Invisible Soldier: Too late, Snake! Time to die!
(defeat Proto fal'Cie Adam; battlefield goes dark)
Serah: I don't understand. How did the future Proto fal'Cie end up here?
Noel: This place must be like the Void Beyond - a crossroads where the past and future intersect.
Serah: And that would enable time travel... Noel, do you realize what this means? The Proto fal'Cie could have used this place to travel through time and infiltrate the artificial intelligence. Then it could have manipulated the AI to kill all the humans in the tower... and build the fal'Cie of Academia's future.
Noel: You're saying the Proto fal'Cie took control of the AI and ordered it to build... the Proto fal'Cie. It's a closed loop - a chicken-and-egg paradox.
Serah: Right. A paradox is exactly what it is. The Proto fal'Cie was trying to protect the distortion that gave birth to it.
Noel: And it knew all along that it was part of the paradox.
Serah: Just a sec! If the Proto fal'Cie can manipulate the past, that means...
(battlefield illuminates; Manipulators descend)
Noel: It can travel back in time and rebuild itself!
Mog: As long as the crossroads exist, you cannot defeat the Proto fal'Cie, kupo!
(begin fight against Proto fal'Cie Adam)
Alphinaud: Tell me something, Alisaie. Have you not managed to determine by whose will Bahamut exists?
Alisaie: No, I have not. At first, I assumed that Bahamut had no people of his own—that the Allagans had perhaps discovered a way to simulate prayer itself. However, Nael's words gave me cause to reconsider—specifically, the shade's mention of Bahamut's "beloved children." From that, I inferred that the primal is given form by the will of worshipers whom we have yet to—
Oh.
Gods strike me down for a blind fool! Bahamut's beloved children, right there before my very eyes... How could I be so stupid? Who else but the dragons of eld would summon Bahamut? Who else but they could sustain him? And to think I wondered why the Allagans kept them imprisoned here!
Alisaie: No, I have not. At first, I assumed that Bahamut had no people of his own—that the Allagans had perhaps discovered a way to simulate prayer itself. However, Nael's words gave me cause to reconsider—specifically, the shade's mention of Bahamut's "beloved children." From that, I inferred that the primal is given form by the will of worshipers whom we have yet to—
Oh.
Gods strike me down for a blind fool! Bahamut's beloved children, right there before my very eyes... How could I be so stupid? Who else but the dragons of eld would summon Bahamut? Who else but they could sustain him? And to think I wondered why the Allagans kept them imprisoned here!
— Final Fantasy XIV, "The Final Coil of Bahamut - Turn 1"
"This Quest is for experienced Special Permit holders only. We've a Bloodbath Diablos at Ingle Isle that needs hunting. ...Actually, word just in is that there are two Bloodbath Diablos on the island. Good luck, Hunter!"
— Chief Researcher, Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate, "Bloodbath G5: Hunt"
Hey, didn't you hear? Magni the Aesir God, son of Thor? Dead! I know! Now Modi's on a rampage across Midgard looking for the killer, swearing that once he finds him he'll— Oooh shit that was you guys...
— Sindri, God of War (PS4)
AI Hax: Incoming transmission request from the Gasco Army. Shall I patch them through?
Malt: The Gasco Army? It must be Lieutenant Muscat. Come to think of it, I don't think we've made contact since we commandeered the Tarascus… Good thing you passed on our message so she doesn't think we stole the tank to go joyriding, Vanilla.
(Beat)
Malt: Wait—if you snuck aboard, then there was no one to tell her what we did…
Vanilla: Oops…
Malt: The Gasco Army? It must be Lieutenant Muscat. Come to think of it, I don't think we've made contact since we commandeered the Tarascus… Good thing you passed on our message so she doesn't think we stole the tank to go joyriding, Vanilla.
(Beat)
Malt: Wait—if you snuck aboard, then there was no one to tell her what we did…
Vanilla: Oops…
Raz: That's it! I've completely blocked off all of Sasha's censor outlets! I can't wait to tell him!
Sasha: Young man, I hope you've learned a lesson here today...
Raz: Yes, I have... That shooting things is fun and useful!
Sasha: No, that once you lose control of your own mind, it's very hard to get it back!
Raz: Yes, one's thoughts must be controlled 100% controlled at all times!
Sasha: Well, no... Actually, if you try to completely suppress your undesirable feelings, they'll build and build and eventually explode.
Raz: Oh. So, uhh... What would happen if you were to, say, completely block off all your censor outlets?
(The censor outlet behind Sasha begins to shake, ready to explode.)
Sasha: (starts to notices the outlet shaking...) Well, there would be a buildup of censor energy within, that would... uhh... eventually...
(Beat)
Sasha: Run, Razputin. Very fast.
(The censor outlet explodes, and the Mega-Censor crawls out of the crater.)
Mega-Censor: NO.
CJ: Shit, Smoke... C.R.A.S.H. makin' you sell us out! Moms!
Cesar: Sorry ese, I heard a rumor and poked around. I didn't believe it myself but...
CJ: No, no, you did the right thing. I owe you, Ces. I gotta go tell Sweet about - Oh, fuck! Sweet! Look, go get Kendl and take her to a safe place!
Cesar: What you thinking?
CJ: It's Sweet, I think him and the homies is walking into a trap! Just go, GO!
Cesar: Sorry ese, I heard a rumor and poked around. I didn't believe it myself but...
CJ: No, no, you did the right thing. I owe you, Ces. I gotta go tell Sweet about - Oh, fuck! Sweet! Look, go get Kendl and take her to a safe place!
Cesar: What you thinking?
CJ: It's Sweet, I think him and the homies is walking into a trap! Just go, GO!
Web Animation
Yeah, so we never told Antoine [Griezmann] about the secret fight club because he's always got thousands of cameras following him. [suddenly realizes he's talking to the Confession Cam] Oh, wait, f[bleep]k.
— Diego Costa, The Champions
The current situation is terribly unfortunate, but thankfully, the enemy that follows the fastest thing in its vicinity was thrown off the... plane. Wait...
— Trish Una moments before Carne's Stand attacks, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind But Really Really Fast
Web Video
Vegeta: Why isn't it here? I don't get it! Who could have- The kid! But... how could he have found it? It was- wait... the watch... that watch was no watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator! Which means... which means...
Ghost Nappa: He took the Dragon Ball.
Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
Ghost Nappa: He took the Dragon Ball.
Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
Vegeta: Jesus, I've overslept. It's already night... for the first time I've got here... on a planet with three suns...
*Alarm clock from Merrie Melodies short Farm Frolics ticks in Vegeta's head... until it finally begins ringing*
Vegeta: ...oh, YOU MOTHERF- *cutaway to Krillin and Gohan with the Dragon Balls; Vegeta's scream is now distant* -UCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
Piccolo: *also distantly* Ow, my ears!
*Alarm clock from Merrie Melodies short Farm Frolics ticks in Vegeta's head... until it finally begins ringing*
Vegeta: ...oh, YOU MOTHERF- *cutaway to Krillin and Gohan with the Dragon Balls; Vegeta's scream is now distant* -UCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
Piccolo: *also distantly* Ow, my ears!
— Dragon Ball Z Abridged, upon Vegeta realizing Gohan and Krillin are using the Dragon Balls, Episode 24
Kayaba: Oh, you know how it is, it's a tale as old as Videogames themselves, you got a deadline looming for your new consoles' launch, but your only game's not exactly playable. So you panic and work for three weeks straight without sleep so you could get the damn thing done on time. Unfortunately in your sleep-deprived state you accidentally manage to create a glitch that kills players WHEN THEIR AVATARS DIE!! Next thing you know, your Tutorial NPC is nowhere to be found and Players are dropping like Dorito-encrusted flies. Now in this case, any sane man would simply turn off the Servers before anyone else got hurt, but since you've been awake long enough to think the Government is run by "Floobar, King of the Mole Men", the best idea that comes to your mind is to double, triple, and quadruple down. So you lock everyone in the game, tell them they'll die if they don't finish it, and pretend that this is all part of your master plan instead of an ever-spiraling series of events that you have long since lost control of... I figured as long as this slow-motion trainwreck kept going, I could at least use you guys as hostages to keep the Feds off my back until I figured a way out of this mess. Not that I ever came up with one.
Asuna: Why didn't you just blame it on some hacker group pretending to be you? Would have made more sense than the truth, and it's not like you had any kind of motive.
Kayaba: Yeah, okay. See Asuna, the problem with that... is that it's an excellent idea I wish I had thought of two years ago... Anyhoo, on that sobering note, I think I'm just going to go scream into that uncaring void for a bit...
Asuna: Why didn't you just blame it on some hacker group pretending to be you? Would have made more sense than the truth, and it's not like you had any kind of motive.
Kayaba: Yeah, okay. See Asuna, the problem with that... is that it's an excellent idea I wish I had thought of two years ago... Anyhoo, on that sobering note, I think I'm just going to go scream into that uncaring void for a bit...
Asuna: Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing?!
Kirito: Well, clearly I'm stabbing myself with this sword to see if it kills me— Oh god, what am I doing?
Kirito: Well, clearly I'm stabbing myself with this sword to see if it kills me— Oh god, what am I doing?
Boo: So you gotta admit, today was fun.
Mario: Yeah, but all in all, I'm still dead.
Boo: Aw, c'mon, we went through this! Being dead's great! So what if a condor bit your head off?
Mario: Yeah, I know, it's bad- [record needle scratch] What? Condor?
Boo: Yeah, and that forest shark ate the rest of you!
Mario: What? No, I got pushed off a cliff by Luigi.
Boo: What, that stupid hill? You couldn't have... oh, no.
Mario: What?
Boo: Luigi made it all up. Which means... you're alive! And that means...
Mario: All those pranks were...
Both: Oh, no!
Mario: Yeah, but all in all, I'm still dead.
Boo: Aw, c'mon, we went through this! Being dead's great! So what if a condor bit your head off?
Mario: Yeah, I know, it's bad- [record needle scratch] What? Condor?
Boo: Yeah, and that forest shark ate the rest of you!
Mario: What? No, I got pushed off a cliff by Luigi.
Boo: What, that stupid hill? You couldn't have... oh, no.
Mario: What?
Boo: Luigi made it all up. Which means... you're alive! And that means...
Mario: All those pranks were...
Both: Oh, no!
— StacheBros, "The Day Super Mario Died"
Brett: [Reading a screen prompt after a successful mission] Pigug the Shadow escape- [Beat as Brett remembers who that is] Pigug... Shadow... Escaped...
It's working...It's working! It's...NOT DOING JACK SHIT! Hand over the crystal, you dimwitted D-bag!
Brandon Tenold (as the Kilaak Queen): Yes, Earth's Monsters can't hope to beat Ghidorah! Last time, it took Godzilla and Rodan combined to defeat him, and now you've only got... (shot of Godzilla alongside Rodan, Mothra, Minilla, Anguirus, Kumonga, Gorosarus, Baragon, and Varan) Oh, shit. We did not think this plan through.
But seriously, the mission is about escorting friendly aircraft—why do I hear Latin music in the background?
Webcomics
"No, we didn't really have 'The Internet' back then. And it's not that old! It's only, like, twenty-one years ol... my God. Super Mario Kart is old enough to drink."
— Gabe, Penny Arcade, "Age of Majority
"
"Sarah: How did your family not have a problem with Halloween?
Joyce: I dunno, we just didn't. I went out trick-or-treating every year.
Sarah: But you couldn't even watch Star Wars.
Joyce: My brother Joshua took me out himself. He always said it was important. He'd always point to these old photos of our parents taking out John and Jordan, he'd show them to me, and he'd show them to my mom... [sudden realization]
Sarah: ... Your family eventually had a problem with Halloween.
Joyce: My family had a problem with Halloween!
Joyce: I dunno, we just didn't. I went out trick-or-treating every year.
Sarah: But you couldn't even watch Star Wars.
Joyce: My brother Joshua took me out himself. He always said it was important. He'd always point to these old photos of our parents taking out John and Jordan, he'd show them to me, and he'd show them to my mom... [sudden realization]
Sarah: ... Your family eventually had a problem with Halloween.
Joyce: My family had a problem with Halloween!
Harley: Weird room, in general. No lamp, but lots of candles.
Jude: Maybe this room belongs to a demon. They can't use stamps, but if you've got a match and a candle, you don't need stamps.
Harley: A demon? Oh. I think I'm ready to go now. Like, right now.
Western Animation
Steven: Well, everyone else managed to get off the ship, so where were you?
Lars: I ran and hid, Steven, like any sensible person would... do... if they wanted to get trapped on a ship. Oh.
Lars: I ran and hid, Steven, like any sensible person would... do... if they wanted to get trapped on a ship. Oh.
— Steven Universe, "Stuck Together"
Stockman: That ploy might have worked against a lesser mechanoid, but as always, I'm one step ahead in my design work. In addition to the central power nodules, each component in my cyborg armor has its own internal backup power source! Hah!
Donnie: [approaches the Arm Cannon Leo previously sliced off] So, what you're saying is... this arm should still be fully functional, right? [levels it at Stockman]
Stockman: ...Oh no.
Donnie: [approaches the Arm Cannon Leo previously sliced off] So, what you're saying is... this arm should still be fully functional, right? [levels it at Stockman]
Stockman: ...Oh no.
"Oh, what're you gaping at? The curse is only activated if you ring the gong three times and- and- and you already hit it two times, didn't you?"
—Scrooge McDuck, talking about a gong that's supposed to unleash a gold-eating dragon, DuckTales (2017), episode "Woo-oo!"
[singing to the tune of the theme of The Flintstones] ♪Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history! From the! Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree!♪ —AAAAH! [hits chestnut tree]
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
Homer: Would you look at those morons. I paid my taxes over a year ago!
Lisa: Dad...
Homer: What is it sweetie? Did you see a scary picture in your picture book?
Lisa: That was last year's taxes, you have to pay again this year!
Homer: No, because, you see, I went ahead and... year-wise I was counting forward from the last previous... D'OH!
Lisa: Dad...
Homer: What is it sweetie? Did you see a scary picture in your picture book?
Lisa: That was last year's taxes, you have to pay again this year!
Homer: No, because, you see, I went ahead and... year-wise I was counting forward from the last previous... D'OH!
Now for a little peace and quiet...and gardening. Hmm... Where did I leave my shovel? Oh, yes, it's right outside THE DOOR?! (screams and panics) THE DOOR! I FORGOT TO MAKE A DOOR! I can't get out! I'm trapped! DOOMED!
— Rabbit, The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh; "No Rabbit's a Fortress"
Max: Why is that pipe running from our water meter to your water meter?
P.J.: Hey, what's that supposed to mean, Max, huh? Are you suggesting my dad would do something unethical and dishonest? (realizes who he's talking about) For the sake of our friendship, don't answer that.
P.J.: Hey, what's that supposed to mean, Max, huh? Are you suggesting my dad would do something unethical and dishonest? (realizes who he's talking about) For the sake of our friendship, don't answer that.
— Goof Troop, "Bringin' On the Rain"
Roger: You gonna share that crack you're doin', or what?
Stan: Crack? This is cold medicine!
Roger: No, sir, it's crack.
Stan: It's not crack! I bought it on a park bench outside a soup kitchen from a guy in a lime green suit- oh my God, it's crack.
Stan: Crack? This is cold medicine!
Roger: No, sir, it's crack.
Stan: It's not crack! I bought it on a park bench outside a soup kitchen from a guy in a lime green suit- oh my God, it's crack.
"Hey, wouldn't it be funny if you tried to text Cool Sexy Diane, but then instead you texted Regular Boring Diane by mistake, and then I showed up, and then you were like, "Who's this chick?" and then all night I'd be hanging out with you, like, thinking I was one of the gang, but actually it was just a big mistake because you meant to text- oh shit, that's exactly what happened."
— Diane Nguyen, BoJack Horseman, "Love and/or Marriage"
"You think you can boss Discord around?! You think I'm just going to turn all this back because you say so?! Because if I don't, I'll lose the one friend I ever had?! [realization hits] ...Oh. Well played, Fluttershy. Well played."
— Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, "Keep Calm and Flutter On"
Peter: Oh yeah? Well would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian: Uh, maybe.
Peter: Uh oh.
— Family Guy, "Petarded"
Uatu: The realisation nearly broke the machine. With his mission complete, Ultron was just a program without a purpose. The victor without a war, sentenced to spend all of eternity... alone.
Ultron: Who... Who said that?
Uatu: Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. He became aware... of the...
Ultron: I see you.
Ultron: Who... Who said that?
Uatu: Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. He became aware... of the...
Ultron: I see you.
— What If…? (2021), "What If... Ultron Won?"
BMO: Well, maybe as my birthday present, I can ask Moe to fix AMO.
ALLMO: But, this is impossible. Moe went off line yesterday and has not re-logged. Our sensors would know.
BMO: But, he's at my house right now with Finn and Jake. He got a new body.
ALLMO: Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Did this new body happen to have jagged prongs and a cannon phaser on top of its head?
BMO: No. Ha, ha, ha!
ALLMO: Phew.
BMO: Ha, ha! He had a huge, gigantic... wig on... Uh-oh.
ALLMO: But, this is impossible. Moe went off line yesterday and has not re-logged. Our sensors would know.
BMO: But, he's at my house right now with Finn and Jake. He got a new body.
ALLMO: Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Did this new body happen to have jagged prongs and a cannon phaser on top of its head?
BMO: No. Ha, ha, ha!
ALLMO: Phew.
BMO: Ha, ha! He had a huge, gigantic... wig on... Uh-oh.
— Adventure Time, "The More You Moe, The Moe You Know (Part II)"
Batman: Your prints are on this car. You have the only copy of the show. The mad bomber followed the show step by step.
Simon Trent: But I'm not the mad bomber, Batman! I'm not! I sold my Gray Ghost cars months ago to pay for my... No! It can't be him!
Simon Trent: But I'm not the mad bomber, Batman! I'm not! I sold my Gray Ghost cars months ago to pay for my... No! It can't be him!
— Batman: The Animated Series, "Beware The Grey Ghost"
Danny: What's taking so long with that dragon research, Sam?
Sam: Alright! Jeez! Here, I'm sending you the link.
Danny: [reading the webpage she sent him] That's it! Medieval ghostly legend held that the cursed Amulet of Aragon could transform any wearer into dragon form under states of extreme emotional duress or anger. That's the amulet I gave to Paulina. It must have accidentally fallen into my backpack. Wait… you mean… I'm going on a date with a dragon?!
Sam: Alright! Jeez! Here, I'm sending you the link.
Danny: [reading the webpage she sent him] That's it! Medieval ghostly legend held that the cursed Amulet of Aragon could transform any wearer into dragon form under states of extreme emotional duress or anger. That's the amulet I gave to Paulina. It must have accidentally fallen into my backpack. Wait… you mean… I'm going on a date with a dragon?!
Brain: Look! One of your errant nail clippings befouled my tissue sample! My clone is a product of our merged DNA! Do you realize what this means!?
Pinky: (gasp) I'm a mommy! (sobs Tears of Joy) I'm a mommy!
Brain: Pinky, that's absurd, you're nothing of the kind! Its chromosomal makeup just happens to include both of our genetic building bl... AUUUUGHHHHH!!! ...Oh my lord, you are its mommy.
Pinky: (gasp) I'm a mommy! (sobs Tears of Joy) I'm a mommy!
Brain: Pinky, that's absurd, you're nothing of the kind! Its chromosomal makeup just happens to include both of our genetic building bl... AUUUUGHHHHH!!! ...Oh my lord, you are its mommy.
"'Place hand grenade (A) in left hand as illustrated in diagram B.' Alright, got it. 'Pull pin mark (C) with index finger on the right hand.' Right hand, that's the right hand. (plucks grenade pin) 'Check that pin, see. See that it's on the index finger.' (nods) 'If so, discard the pin.' (throws pin away) 'You are now ready to throw grenade at the target.' Over... (flips instruction sheet around) 'Warning: It is important to remember that yooooouuu haaaaave ooonly 10 seconds... to perform... this operation.' Yeeeooough! (checks pocketwatch; holds hand grenade out as it explodes)"
— Charles M. Wolf, Looney Tunes, "Hare-less Wolf"
"Oh, who cares? I'm just glad to see those Bjorklands go. Let them take their gazillion dollars and leave. And their chocolate. Let them take all their chocolate... Wait! Leave the chocolate! PLEASE LEAVE THE CHOCOLATE!"
— Daphne, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated
[The away team has just trapped a moopsy in a room they just left]
Mariner: No ladders. Now it can't get back through those vents.
Gary: Yeah! Now it's trapped in the... station's main control room!
Moopsy: Moopsy. [clambers over the controls like a cat walking on a computer keyboard, causing the station's orbit to decay]
Mariner: No ladders. Now it can't get back through those vents.
Gary: Yeah! Now it's trapped in the... station's main control room!
Moopsy: Moopsy. [clambers over the controls like a cat walking on a computer keyboard, causing the station's orbit to decay]
