The most common sources of Narm
in Fan Fiction
are poorly-written angst
fics and poorly-written porn
fics. Any combination of the two is utterly hilarious.
- This author's work is a prime source of narm of varying degrees, along with defying science at every opportunity and using a few offensive scenarios. However, this extremely long story takes the cake in just the second paragraph.
- Cori Falls's attempts to portray genuine angst and drama often fall under this, particularly "The Power That's Inside" and "A Warm Place".
- Shy Snootles writes the most Wangst-ridden, over-the-top, Tastes Like Diabetes Skywalker dramas imaginable. "A New Life Part 1," "A New Life Part 2," and "The Hardest Test" are post-ROTJ AU's that consist entirely of hysterical blubbering and sobbing over Anakin's Dark and Troubled Past as Darth Vader and all sorts of wailing and crying over pain and forgiveness. The sheer melodrama is nothing short of awe-inspiring, and that's before you get to the equally hilarious reviewers who thought these were the most intense, gut-wrenching fics they'd ever read. It's also comprised of many, many overwrought Walls Of Text which just beg for a Dramatic Reading.
- The truly sad part is that, unlike the other authors listed here, Shy Snootles would actually be a pretty decent writer if she only learned to tone that crap down.
- Dakari-King Mykan:
- Trope Codifier for Fan Fic: My Immortal, and anything in other fanfic that reminds the reader of My Immortal.
- Any time someone tries to get clever while writing a sex scene. Admit it, hearing one's member described as a "throbbing giggle stick" or reading someone yell out "Here cums the mine digger!" has a tendency to elicit more laughter than arousal.
- From Alvan An The Chipmunks 3 The Second Squeakuel: "Brittany was screamin an experiencin pain like she'd never felt before, an Ian was laughin with pleasure an sadism as he made the tiny female chipmunk scream in agony an bleed very bad the bathroom floor was covered in a mix of blood an semen from Ians cock." Most of Alvin an the Chipmunks 3 is pretty narmy, but this sentence takes the cake.
- A Babysitters Club fanfic (this one, to be exact) features this gem: "My heart is failuring me!"
- "Did you take her temperance yet?"
- Bart The General has this quite a bit with Homer/Omarn's Wangst, especially the infamous "Marge... yer breakin' my heart... MAAAAAARRRGGEE..."
- Calvin and Hobbes: The Series: While "Have You Seen This Tiger?" is intended to be a Deconstruction of The Prankster, Season 1's customary terrible grammar gets in the way.
- Chocobo Nights is loaded with this.
- From Christian Humber Reloaded
- The main character yells "NOOO! WHOEVER DID THIS WILL PAY DEARLY, BECAUSE I LOVED THEM?" after finding the little girl who took him in and her father dead along with the rest of their village in the second chapter.
- "Soil, is my power." Supposedly, it was taken from the Final Fantasy: Unlimited anime along with the Magun, but that doesn't make it much better.
- "I will rip out your hearts eat them then crap out your souls, you will taste oblivion, which tastes like Red Bull, which is disgusting!" Vash's attempt at a Badass Boast after combining his Super Saiyan and dragon forms in early Part 6.
- What makes the above quote even worse is that it's ripped from an episode of Red vs. Blue.
- "Deserving": "I hate that you have a cock. I hate it! I hate that I am married to someone who has a cock!"
- Richard crying "Pah pah, up pah pah, up" when the Diabolus Ex Machina has left Snape chained to the floor becomes funny rather than heartrending for three reasons: Firstly, he's completely unharmed. Secondly, it's hard not to hear it as the "oompa-oompa-oompa-pa" trombone from The Music Man. Thirdly, it's more than a bit reminiscent of the "Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up" scene in My Immortal.
- "LUBE! Always lube. Don't make me repeat it," came the menacing voice.
- Harry asking "What happen?" in the middle of a theoretically dramatic scene is impossible to take seriously.
- Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen. It's in the style of My Immortal.
- A recent chapter of Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic Forgive Us Our Trespasses has the resident Original Character Laughing Mad after her plans to rectify her situation as a homunculus go horribly wrong. Unfortunately, between "The cycle of the Ourobourus was a never ending cycle of biting yourself in the ass!" and the entire Laughing Mad scene itself being a reference to LOLzaku (according to the author's notes), the whole thing becomes epically hilarious.
- From the Death Note fic Gods Of This New World: "Meanwhile, L had been in a harrier jet overhead... He readied a missile to be fired, and unleashed fiery hell on Mello."
- Fanfic-as-traced-comic How I Became Yours is awash with Narm; in fact, one could say that every page is visual Narm just because of the terrible art, but the dialog and Walls Of Text take it Up to Eleven. The most famous would have to be "chard monster," but Aang, Zuko, and Sokka (who are adults here) going "yea lets get wasted!" comes a close second.
- There's also the part where Sokka screams "NAAOOOOOOOO!" when being held in an awkward way by Sho after Mai hits Azula in the chest with a knife.
- Any moment in The Life And Times Of A Winning Pony where they use the word "horse" in place of the word "whore".
- Knowledge is Power: The concept of "Death Eater points". If you torture enough captives, presumably you can send off for a commemorative pen.
- Later in the same chapter, the following is very apt to make readers think of the many times characters are revealed in that way in My Immortal, but especially Dumbledore's appearance ("WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!") at the end of Chapter 4:
They were nearly at the doors of the great hall when all their carefully laid plans went tits up
, neither Harry nor Hermione could believe who had caused it, Hannah Abbot!
- Sirius decides that he needs to re-enter the dating game after seeing how happy Lupin is with Sprout. Unfortunately, his internal monologue phrases it like this:
Sirius was just going to have to do a Moony, he needed to get up off his arse and go for it.
- Though it's clear from context what "Dumbledore played the werewolf card" means, it still looks like he took a break from his evil scheming for a quick game of Magic: The Gathering.
- Legolas By Laura:
"and then one of the orcs striped her and then he raped her and then laura said 'go away you bastard'".
- Can we talk about Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami? Here's a good one, "DONT WORRY! I WILL PAY YOU WELL BECAUSE YOU WERE MY BROTHER AND YOU WERE MY BEST FREND AND YOU WERE HIS GRAMPA!"
- And when Watari sees that Dark has shot Mello, in a supposedly climactic scene, Watari just exclaims stereotypically British expressions, yelling "I say, what's all this noise!" and "Bloody bugger! You shot Mello!" A few scenes later, Soichiro twists his mustache "like an evil guy".
- One of the many gems from the Hannah Montana\Kung Fu Panda crossover named Loves Heartstrings:
- LittleKuriboh's spinoff fic Marik & Bakura Go To Censored Town has a hilarious in-universe example - Yami Bakura is about to be tortured by Melvin, and he's pretty damn scared... until he realises that Melvin's wearing nothing but a tiny purple thong. He points out that the thong makes the whole situation ridiculous.
- Of Warlords and Pleasures:
- A PPC fic once featured a Mary Sue who screamed "My name is Salina Rose, and I AM A PIRATATE!"
- A PPC agent once said that a good rule of thumb is "Any fic which has the word 'rape' in its title is probably going to be brain-meltingly bad." She based this evidence on experience with two So Bad, It's Good Lemon fanfics, entitled Shadow Rapes Matthias and Lullabies, Anal Rape and Dental Hygiene. The former was Exactly What It Says on the Tin, whereas the latter had a distinct lack of lullabies or dental hygiene. It also proved that, while it may be perfectly reasonable to think the phrase "Holy fucking shit, he's going to rape me!" when being attacked, it's very hard to take seriously in text, particularly when the character who says it apparently has No Indoor Voice.
- Soulless Shell:
"Leif walked into the alley SO ARNOLD HE YELLLED TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MORE POOR YOUNG GIRLS EH I GUESS I WAS TOO LATE TO STOP YOU FROM TAKING THIS YOUNG GIRLS INNOCENCE BUT IT IS NOT TO LATE FOR ME TO KILL YOU."
- Where to start with The Girl Who Lived? You could simply say "everything the author inserted into the canon stories", but the real special mention must go to every single one of Rose Potter's melodramatic, absurd speeches about whatever takes her fancy at that moment, which happen with alarming frequency (and are often accompanied by her floating in the air with her eyes glowing and winds blowing around her, as though it were not "dramatic" enough). Any speech that features an eleven year old girl reacting to a person she just met making mildly derogatory remarks by saying "You impugn the honor of my parents Malfoy, and those of my friend! Leave!", qualifies as Narm.
- According to that work's page, the author actually copied down the entire series word-for-word. That's... wow.
- Most of The Last War. The writing is serviceable if overwrought, but it doesn't take long for the plot to cross the line from tragedy into farce. Then there's the bit where Hermione's love for Harry is described as being "like golden water", the bit where they dance to "Always" by Erasure (aka the theme from Robot Unicorn Attack) and the bit where The A-Team shows up for no apparent reason.
- Throughout the Team Fortress 2 fic Respawn Of The Dead, the Soldier goes steadily insane as he dodges Medic's attempts to give him medication for his schizophrenia. As a result of this, his shovel ends up talking to him and making his behavior more and more paranoid. This actually manages to be quite creepy... before it quickly barrels into the ridiculous, as the shovel starts to hit on Soldier, and he eventually has sex with it. While it's obvious that this was intended to be disgusting and disturbing, the whole situation is so mind-bendingly silly that it's hard to take it seriously. Trying not to think too hard about how it would be physically possible (which is a funny thought in and of itself), let's put it bluntly - try and say "He fucked a shovel" while still keeping a straight face. Made even funnier by Soldier asking the shovel if it was a boy shovel or a girl shovel, just so he could avoid being gay. With a shovel.
- A Papa Louie Arcade fanfiction gives us this:
Spraypaint was now coming out of Jims body, and he had a bad status. He got heavier and his body flopped down. He was running out of power, Jim: Thank you for this short nice life master, creator, Prof., Fitz—— POWER DOWN. Now Fitz went to go plug him on charge.
- This Lemon fic. It's actually decently written, but the lack of spaces between the words makes it unintentionally amusing.
- WTFFanfiction has got this covered.
- Anita And The Wolves: "She thirsted for cock."
- Homestuck High: a lot of it, particularly John getting visions and developing superpowers because of a blast of dark magic from a burger, the ridiculous Battle of the Bands scene, and the description of the demon's lair:
Sollux hath taken her away from her friendships and had carved her into a crimsen spicked room with mutalated woman hanging from the cielings by their ovulation systems and with the baba fetuses in there eye sockets.
- The Prayer Warriors, mostly because of its prolific examples of Rouge Angles of Satin (and yes, ironically for a religious-based series, Satan is one of the words misspelled). A speech in the first one mentions damned souls being "eaten by foul breasts." Way to turn Fire and Brimstone Hell into Marshmallow Hell.
- This fanfiction right here is pure gold when it comes to Narm. Basically, Naruto's parents come back to life as zombies, no one has any reaction at all, and they go to a hospital and see Naruto has 20X20 room filled with filing cabinets. They start to play one of the videos and it has Naruto being tied to a CROSS with barbed wire on his feet and being poured in gasoline and the villagers have ski masks on. As you can probably tell, the fic loses all its credibility rather fast.
- The entirety of this fanfic, but special mention goes to 'The Serial Killer from Hell'.
- In chapter 10 of the dinami force, the protagonist's evil mother goes on a sexist tirade, which is rather... overwritten.
"YOUNG LADY HOW DARE YOU, CHANGE YOUR BIRTH NAME TO SOMETHING SO OUTRAGEOUS, STENGTH? WOMAN ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO HAVE STRENGTH, WE ARE SUPPOSE TO ALLOW OUR MEN THE STRENGTH, LISA GRAB YOUR STUFF WE ARE LEAVING AND NEVER RETURNING" my mother shrieked.
- Sonic X: Dark Chaos has quite a lot, from the ludicrous over-the-top Darker and Edgier setting to the various references to Team Fortress 2 and Internet memes. The overuse of Bible references doesn't help. The original in particular was so narmy that the author declared it an Old Shame and decided to completely rewrite it, and the rewrite removes most (if not all) the narm and replaces it with Narm Charm instead. And sometimes, the rewrite even embraces the more silly elements.
- Creepypasta-fics can be a host of this sometimes, as brought to attention from Retsupurae:
- Sonic.exe, which is now known to be a Cliché Storm of creepypasta points, such as noting when something looked "hyper-realistic," the narrator noting things to the exact number of seconds they occured in, and comparing an Evil Laugh to... Kefka's. In addition, there's the narrator listing up Sonic characters that died in the game alongside his actual friend, and in the end, he's confronted by a Sonic.exe plushie.
- "Ihsoy" is a New Super Mario Bros. 2 pasta that involves... something about Reznor possessing the game and turning it into New Super Mario Bros. Wii but with different graphics for some reason. Narmy moments include an overuse of Sdrawkcab Name, "This next part is where I decided this was either a hacked copy or a haunted copy," and the implication that bringing Reznor back was what caused this. (And the narrator figured that out because "Bowser" backwards looks similar to "Reznor.") A reading can be found here. Needless to say, it loses its scare factor pretty quick.
- The very late in the game revelation in Shattered that Rainbow Dash was impregnated when Soarin' raped her, coming as it does after months (for readers) of tension over Dash's trauma and Soarin's trial (and, by Word of God, 80% of the way through the story), comes off as over-the-top, not helped by the subsequently necessary hot-button topic of abortion, resulting in some readers not being able to take it all seriously.
- The bondage!Ron scene in More Important Things is meant to be shocking and show us just how bad the Voldemort-ruled wizarding world is, but it's hard to take it seriously when Ron the Death Eater (who at this point is leading a pair of naked women on leashes like something from Gor) might as well be twirling his moustache:
- In the otherwise sad final chapter of the Digimon fanfic Don't Fall Asleep, Alice is killed by the fusion of MoonMilleniummon and Dark Ryo in front of the heroes. Unfortunately, their You Monster! reactions are... unimpressive:
: "You worse then
any monster on television!"