Funny: Breaking Bad

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    Season 1 
  • After recently discovering he had lung cancer, Walt is spacing out at his job on the car wash when his boss comes to ask him to do something.
    Walter: ... Fuck you, Bogdan.
    Bogdan: ... What?
    Walter: I said fuck you! And your eyebrows!
    (storms out, knocking stuff from the wall like he's drunk, and grabs his crotch)
    Walter: WIPE DOWN THIS!
  • Jesse trying to call Walt in the second episode after finding Krazy-8 still alive in the RV. Happens while Walt is having breakfast with his family. The whole phone conversation must be seen to be believed:
    Jesse Pinkman (over the answering machine): Hello, Mr. White. This is AT&T calling. Are you happy with your current long distance service? Because if you're not, I would definitely, really really love to talk to you as soon as possible about...
    Walter White: Listen, I am having breakfast with my family right now, and I really don't appreciate these sales calls.
    • The wonderbra conversation that occurs while Walt is trying to ignore the phone must not be forgotten, either. It's the faces of all concerned that sells it. It's cringe comedy gold.
  • Jesse's Funny Answering Machine message and Skyler's reaction to it.
    YO YO YO 1-4-8 3 TO THE 3 TO THE 6 TO THE 9, REPRESENTIN' THE ABQ, WADDUP, BI-ATCH?! Leave it at the tone.
  • Skyler, in the same episode, goes on the internet to identify Jesse after he made the call to Walt. What she finds is his MySpace-esque webpage with hilariously awful rap music, (0 g = 0 oz) (0 g (0 g = 0 oz) = 0 oz) playing in the background.
    Skyler: "What the hell is a MILF?
    • The Freeze-Frame Bonus for his page is equally hilarious: His dating profile (he's "totally cool with ethnics... as long as you're SMOKIN HOT YO!") and his alleged "blue belt with shuriken certification." His education? The oft-ridiculed DeVry University and THE STREETS, YO!
  • After Walt tells Skyler that Jesse is his pot dealer, she goes to his house to confront him - just when he's in the process of moving Emilio's body from the RV to his house. Jesse's utter fear turns to comical confusion when he realizes that Skyler is reprimanding him for something else.
    Jesse Pinkman: Look, lady, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying, yo.
    Skyler White: Well, my name is Skyler White, yo. My husband is Walter White, yo. He told me everything.
    Jesse Pinkman: (shocked) Seriously?
    Skyler White: That's right. And just so you know, my brother-in-law is a DEA agent. And I will not hesitate to call him. Not if I have to. Understood? This is your one and only warning. Do not sell marijuana to my husband.
    Jesse Pinkman: (confused) Okay.
    Skyler White: I mean it. Don't call our house again. You stay away from him, or you'll be one sorry individual. You got me?
    Jesse Pinkman: Uh, yeah, yeah. I think so, yeah. No more... marijuana. I can, I can dig it.
    Skyler White: You can dig it. Wonderful.
  • Krazy-8 running into a tree and knocking himself unconscious.
  • Walt and Jesse stealing chemicals, carrying a 90 gallon drum between them wearing bobble-headed ski masks while alarms are sounding, the security guard they locked in a porta-john is beating on the door to get out and the little red light on the guard's golf cart is still flashing.
    • Hank later sees the video tape of this incident and spends a good deal of time snarking about how stupid they are.
    Hank Schrader: Look at this, they're smart enough to use thermite to cut through the lock, but they didn't think to bring a handcart? Try rolling it, morons! It's a barrel! It rolls!
  • The montage of Walt attempting to roll a joint in the first season certainly qualifies.
  • In the second episode of the first season, when Walt and Jesse have Krazy-8 chained to a pipe in Jesse's basement. He wakes up and asks Walt for water. Walt slides over two jugs of water, a plate with a sandwich and potato chips, a bucket, a roll of toilet paper, and a bottle of hand sanitizer.
  • Hank's comeback during the "Operation Breathmint" exchange at the beginning of episode 4.
  • Jesse underestimating how important a plastic bin is when Disposing of a Body with acid: Bloody Hilarity Ensues.
    Jesse Pinkman: I barely got him in the bathtub!
    Walter White: Bathtub? What- what do you mean, "bathtub"?
    Jesse Pinkman: Yeah, that's another thing. Why you got me running around town, trying to find some stupid piece of plastic when I have a perfectly good tub I can use?
    Walter White: Oh, God. [Walter pokes his head into the hallway, where the acid soup and partially dissolved Emilio are starting to drip through the ceiling. Realizing what's going to happen, Walt and Jesse back away just as the bloody partially dissolved remains come crashing through the ceiling and land on the floor]
    Walter White: I'm sorry, what were you asking me? Oh, yes, that stupid plastic container I asked you to buy. You see, hydrofluoric acid won't eat through plastic. It will, however, dissolve metal, rock, glass, ceramic. So there's that.
  • Badger pretty much has one in every scene he's in.
  • "Why Mr. White Loves Chemistry."
  • Jesse and Walt's conversation about "cow houses".
  • In "Cancer Man", Jesse sees two bikers pull up and approach his front door, armed with a machete and a grenade, respectively, so he flees with his bag of meth. Why is this funny? It's because he's actually high as shit and the "bikers" were actually Mormon missionaries.
  • Jesse and Walter cooking meth in Jesse's basement... and not realizing there is an open house about to happen.
    • Earlier, a couple being shown the house and seeing where the bathtub dropped through the floor.
    • A little girl walks past the basement door when Walt peeks out of it (still in his safety gear). The little "shhhh." he gives sells that scene.
    • When the smell of the meth lab starts to become apparent to the people upstairs, the real estate agent (still smiling) nonchalantly sprays air freshener.
    • And then you have Jesse's method of getting rid of everyone: being Jesse.
      Jesse: You ain't seeing the basement, bitch. You got that? Is that sinking in? Now, beat it.
  • Listen closely in the "This is not meth" scene. After the explosion, as debris is raining down, you can hear Howard Dean's "Primal Scream".

    Season 2 
  • The teaser of "Bit by a Dead Bee" shows a woman in a supermarket gradually collecting Walt's clothes that he has left scattered around until she grudgingly picks up his underwear only to drop it in shock when she sees him walking naked at the end of the aisle.
    • Marie's recollection of this to Skyler included this golden line:
    "It wasn't Whole Foods, was it?"
  • The Cold Open for "Negro y Azul" is actually a jaunty narcocorrido song, Negro y Azul: The Ballad of Heisenberg, a song about how a gringo boss named "Heisenberg" has cornered the drug market in the American southwest with his blue meth and how the Mexican cartel are rather cheesed about his product taking away their customers.
    But that homie's already dead...
    He just doesn't know it yet.
  • Jesse is being interrogated by Hank and Gomez about being at Tuco's place (seeing how Hank ended up there because he was tracking the LoJack on Jesse's car). Hector has also been brought in by the police in hopes that he will 'identify' Jesse. The cops also know that Hector can understand what they're saying (that ringing his bell means "yes", and no ringing means "no"). An exasperated Jesse says, "Oh c'mon, this is bullshit! I mean look at this dude, alright? He doesn't even know what planet he's living on!"
    Steven Gomez: Señor, are we on the planet Mars? [no ring] Are we on the planet Saturn? [no ring] Are we on the planet Earth? [Hector rings the bell] Señor, is today Friday? [no ring] Is today Monday? [no ring] Is today Tuesday? [Hector rings the bell]
    Hank Schrader: Okay, seems like he's all there. Let's go for it.
    Steven Gomez: Señor, was this man at your house yesterday? [no ring] Señor, was this man at your house yesterday?
    Hank Schrader: This guy right here, he was at your house, right? Was he doing business with your nephew Tuco?
    Steven Gomez: Señor, are you scared of this man? [no ring]
    Hank Schrader: Nah, he's not scared. C'mon granddad, why don't you wanna help us out? [Hector turns to Hank, leans forward, and takes the loudest, wettest shit ever]
    Steven Gomez: Oh man!
    Hank Schrader: ...I guess that's a "no."

  • Saul's commercial. Especially the obvious greenscreen.
  • Aaron Paul's perfect delivery of the line: "A robot?"
    • From the same episode, Walt and Jesse's exchange on what they would use to conduct the battery's electricity.
    Walt: What element comes to mind? (waves wire) Hmm?
    Jesse: Ohhhhhh.
    (both go "ohhhh" for a bit)
    Jesse: Wire!
    (Beat, Walt's smile drops off his face)
    Walt: No. Copper.
  • Jesse falling through the roof of a porta-john and coming out dripping in toilet water.
    • "Why are you blue?"
  • The undercover drug bust that starts "Better Call Saul":
    [A nerdy looking guy wanders up to the bus stop bench that Badger is sitting on]
    Getz: Hey. You uh, you sellin'?
    Badger: I don't know what you're talking about.
    Getz: OK. That's cool. I'm just sayin', you know....if you were selling, I could maybe do with a teenth.
    Badger: [stares at him] You're kidding, right? Dude, I so smell bacon.
    Getz: What? What are you talking about?
    Badger: Oh gee, I don't know. [points to his left] How about over there, that brown van? That's yours, right?
    Getz: What brown van?
    Badger: [points it out] Parked all "inconspicuous"! It's a cop van! [points to his right] Yeah! Another one right over there! "Duke City Flowers"? Come on! Can't you at least be original? [laughs]
    Getz: Dude, I just wanna get high!
    Badger: A flower van! Uh, you know what you should do is a garbage truck. Seriously, and I don't mean to disrespect, but if you put a bunch of cops in the back of a garbage truck, there's no way I'm seriously thinking that there's cops in the back of a garbage truck! It's a freebie, yo. Just think about it. Think about it, boys! [Getz sighs and suddenly stands up]
    Getz: All right. I'm hitting it.
    Badger: Whoa! You dudes give up that easy?
    Getz: I'm not a cop!
    Badger: Then lift your shirt. Show me you're not wearing a wire.
    Getz: All right, you know what? Just to show you you're being an asshole.... [Getz lifts his shirt and shows his midsection to Badger]
    Badger: Ahh! I'm blinded by white!
    Getz: Douchebag.
    Badger: Ah, come on. I was joking. Come on. Don't walk away angry. Sit down. Come on. [Getz reluctantly sits back down on the bench next to Badger] I mean, what are you complaining about? You got abs, man. Kind of.
    Getz: Whatever, dude. I'm not even sure I wanna buy anymore. I—I think you turned me off to the whole thing.
    Badger: Come on, don't be like that. I just—I just need you to prove it, you know? Prove you're not a cop.
    Getz: How the hell am I supposed to do that?
    Badger: I don't know. [beat] Hey, I've got it. [points to a man across the street] Go over there and punch that dude right in the face.
    Getz: Which dude? [Badger points the guy out] That dude?
    Badger: Yeah.
    Getz: No way! He'd kick my ass!
    Badger: [laughs] True to that. Ugh! This is so hard, you know?
    Getz: Yeah. [He gets an idea] I know. It's simple: Uh, if you ask a cop if he's a cop, he's, like, obligated to tell you. It's in the Constitution.
    Badger: Constitution of America? [Getz shrugs] Huh.
    Getz: So-so go ahead and ask.
    Badger: You a cop?
    Getz: No, no. Not like that. Ask it like, official.
    Badger: Are you a police officer?
    Getz: [holds up his hand as if taking an oath] No. I am not a police officer.
    Badger: Okay then. $175 for a teenth.
    Getz: Whoa.
    Badger: Price is the price, yo.
    Getz: [after a beat] All right. [Getz reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple dollar bills, which he hands over to Badger. Badger gets up, walks over to the garbage can near the bench, and sets down his soda can. He then pulls a bag of meth out of the can and walks back to the bench. He sits down and discreetly passes the meth over to Getz]
    Badger: Here you go. Enjoy.
    Getz: Thanks, man.
    [Getz stuffs the meth in his pocket, gets up, and starts to walk away, but then he turns around. As Badger relaxes, Getz puts his right foot down on the bench, reaches down, and suddenly draws a gun from a concealed ankle holster]
    Getz: Albuquerque Police! You're under arrest! Get on the ground! [Police sirens wail] Get on your stomach now! On your stomach! Get on the ground! [Badger drops to the ground as a pair of vans screech to a stop alongside the bench. A couple of plainclothes cops jump out and train their guns on Badger]
    Cop in Van: Hold it right there! Don't move! Stay down. [One of the cops leans down to put his handcuffs on Badger]

  • The fact that Badger manages to almost completely botch the stakeout arranged by Saul to catch the fake "Heisenberg" by talking to the wrong man, which forces Jesse and Walt to stage an intervention. Walter approaches Hank's stakeout car and pretends to have been passing by, which serves to distract Hank, Gomez and Getz while Jesse redirects Badger to the right guy.
    Jesse: (walks past Badger, in a hushed whisper) Wrong guy, other bench.
  • In "4 Days Out", when Walt orders Jesse to buy supplies:
    Jesse: Go shopping yourself. I got plans.
    Walt: Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.
  • "Jesse, look at me, you are a blowfish."
  • Hank mocks the idea that drug dealers pray to Jesús Malverde:
    Hank Schrader: "Eh, please! Senor Santo, no DEA please, man!"
  • Badger's hilariously awkward phone message on Jesse's answering machine when Walt is by his apartment, right after Jesse reminds Walt about how the latter said Jesse couldn't competently operate a meth-selling ring.
  • The première features one scene with some real comedic undertones, namely when Skyler tells Hank about Marie's shoplifting.
    Skyler: (takes a deep breath) Marie is a shoplifter, Hank. That's right. That baby tiara she gave me at the shower? She stole it from Gertrude Zachary's. Yeah. I almost got arrested when I went back to return it. And Marie won't admit it. She won't apologize.
    Skyler: (closes her eyes to register this and then looks back at Hank, pointing at him) You knew about this...
  • A small moment in "Phoenix" (an otherwise strenuous episode to watch) is when Walter comes by Jesse and Jane's place to hand off Jesse's $480,000 after getting blackmailed by Jane.
    • Walt's line doubles as a Call Back to season one, episode two, when Jesse chides him with the exact same line (i.e., after Walt lied to Skyler about Jesse giving him weed to cover up his and Jesse's illicit activities, Skyler goes to Jesse's house to leave his husband alone and stop dealing drugs).
    • Also, after Walt leaves and Jesse and Jane are left to wonder what to do with the money, there's this little gem:
  • Walt on Jesse's junk food intake:
    How are you even alive?

    Season 3 
  • In "Green Light", after trying to talk Ted into letting him into his office, Walt begins dragging a potted plant towards his window when Skyler appears on the stairs and asks him what he's doing. Walt's reply is simply "I'm trying to talk to Ted." He then throws the plant at the glass, only for it to crack and fall to the ground without breaking it. Walt mutters dejectedly "Damn it."
    • Victor giving Walt half of the money earned from Jesse's batch of meth... at a stop light.
      Victor: (pulls up to Walt, tosses the bag of money through his window) Your half. (speeds off)
  • Walter meeting with Gus to inform him he's not the gullible type that would get offended by Gus accepting Jesse's product instead of his own, when in fact that's exactly what Walt was feeling.
    Gus: (with a completely straight face) I apologize for being so transparent.
  • When Jesse is getting out of the hospital after being released following being beaten up by Hank. The orderly pushes his wheelchair to the curb and Jesse lights a cigarette.
    Orderly: If you want to smoke you need to be another twenty feet from the door.
    Jesse: So roll me further, bitch.
  • Jesse and co.'s selling meth at a support group through Bad Bad Acting.
  • Jesse asking Walt to pass along his best wishes when Hank has been shot days after viciously beating up Jesse.
    • Speaking of said beatdown, when Saul visits Jesse at the hospital, he attempts to cheer him up with some very poor-in taste jokes.
  • Jesse complains, "What's the good of being an outlaw if you've got responsibilities?" Which prompts Badger to point out "Darth Vader had responsibilities. He was responsible for the Death Star."
  • "Everyone knows it's Windy!"
  • Repeat this key phrase: "THAT'S NOT MY TIGER!" Turns out the best defense is still a good offense. Where'd the tiger come from? The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them.note  What were you doing buying eighty pounds of raw meat every week? Ever hear the Atkins Diet? And I'll help you get that tiger's furry ass to Texas ASAP, because guess what: Tigers are still legal in Texas. YEEHAW! I have fun doing this job! Oh, and one thing: uh, you don't have to bring the tiger into my office. So if a tiger's got you by the tail (legally speaking), better call Saul!
  • Skyler offers to pay Hank's medical bills, and starts spinning a story to Marie about Walt winning a bunch of money gambling. Walt leans in closer at the exact same time Marie does, just as desperate as her to hear where the "story" is going.
    • She also uses this as an opportunity to paint Walt in the worst light possible (saying how he got so "obsessed" with it and at one stage used their pension fund), knowing he can't correct or contradict her.
  • The school holds a meeting so everyone can discuss their feelings regarding Wayfarer 515. Starts with the skeevy kid from the last season trying to get an automatic A for the year, moves on with the counselor telling a girl who asked why God would allow this kind of tragedy to "keep it secular," and finally ends with Walter giving a pathetic and unconsciously self-justifying monologue to the entire school in an effort to convince himself he's not at fault. This must be one of the most uncomfortably hilarious scenes ever written.
    • The funny part is that the girl who questions why God would allow the tragedy to happen is being played by Bryan Cranston's real daughter Taylor Dearden Cranston.
  • The Cold Open for "Caballo Sin Nombre": Walt gets pulled over for driving with a cracked windshield. He tries to get out of a ticket by talking about the Wayfarer collision and how it damaged his property. Walt grows increasingly frustrated as the police officer asks him to calm down and sit in his car. Instead, Walt gets out and confronts the officer, claiming that "hellfire rained down on my house!" He gets in the officer's face, shouting... cut to a heavily pepper-sprayed Walt being placed in the officer's car.
  • After Hank continues his Heroic BSOD in the hospital after getting shot, Marie bets that if she could give him an erection, he would finally see that he is fit to leave the hospital and go home. The scene cuts to Marie wheeling a silent, yet very much annoyed, Hank out of the hospital. Her smug grin is pure gold.
  • Saul's reasoning of how he convinced a woman he was Kevin Costner: "And it worked, because I believed it!"
  • Walt banging his head on the counter as he races to stop Skyler from talking about their car wash plan on his answering machine. Fridge Brilliance: There was really no reason to worry, as the whole point of buying the car wash is so their income appears legitimate, and recorded discussions of it beforehand would actually help as long as the money laundering itself isn't mentioned.
  • Walt telling Gale he doesn't want to work with him any more. The dialogue reads more like an awkward breakup than the end of a partnership.
    Walter: It's as if I'm classical, and you are more... jazz.
    • This line only gets better when the decidedly hip-hop Jesse bursts in a moment later.
    • From the same scene: Gale trying to remain calm and dignified while Jesse shouts and gushes about the superlab in the background.
    • To quote Jesse (regarding the lab) "It's all shiny up in here".
  • The Binge Montage in Season 3, where we find what Jesse and co. really did with that money that Jesse was going to use to buy an RV. It's just five minutes of Jesse, Badger, Combo and Skinny Pete having their pictures taken with strippers and finding elaborate ways to throw away their money at the local strip club.
    Jesse: Hey, yo! Yo! You got champagne? None of that cheap shit, I want the expensive stuff! Dom Perig... Perignon.
    Waitress: It's $400 a bottle.
    Jesse: Oh. Well, in that case... I'll only have two.
  • The fly, and all of the mayhem it causes.,
    • Walter White. Swatting a fly. Like it's Serious Business.
      • Jesse arguing against the necessity of all this.
    Jesse: Look, I like making cherry product, but let's keep it real, alright? We make poison for people who don't care.
    • Walt ends up with the fly on his head, and orders Jesse to take care of it. He hands him his flyswatter and asks that he does it on a count of 3. Jesse nails him in the head after Walt says 1. Afterwards, when Jesse insists that he killed the fly and even points to it on the floor, Walt crawls over and grabs it, then says...
    Walt: This is a raisin.
    • Jesse then tries to argue that he got the fly anyway, only for the fly itself to show up again, completely unharmed.
    • The image of Walt on his knees frantically searching for the fly was pretty amusing in and of itself.
    • The scenario in which Walt is balancing himself precariously off of the outer rail of the lab catwalk to hit the fly with a broom. It ends with Walt losing his grip and falling, landing stomach-first on a tank, and then dropping to the concrete floor.
    • Jesse on Ebola. "It's a disease on the Discovery Channel where all your intestines sort of just slip right out of your butt."
    • When the fly is finally killed by Jesse, he turns to Walt, and we see him sleeping and snoring in his chair.
  • "I've got your restraining order right here!" *grabs crotch* "Restrain this!"
    • And earlier, Walt laying miserably on the floor in nothing but his underwear, covered in popcorn. Then accidentally hitting his head on the underside of the table when he moves to get up.
  • Jesse's meth lab shenanigans in "I See You". It ranges from pushing a swivel chair to filling his hazmat suit with air as he jumps around like a kid in a toy store.
  • When Mike tells Chow to ask if the lady at the front desk is still sitting there, she lets out a very long string of dialogue, shouted very loudly from the other room. Chow responds, "She says yes."
  • We finally learn where Saul got his law degree: the totally legit-sounding University of American Samoa.
  • Walt angrily throws the pizza on the roof. Also, the conversation before:
    Skyler: We have discussed everything we need to discuss. I thought I made myself very clear.
    Walt: I got dipping sticks.
  • Saul offers legal services for Wayfarer 515 next of kin.
    Saul: Were you or a loved one or an acquaintance hurt, killed, upset, or inconvenienced by the tragedy of Wayfarer 515? Better call Saul. We've all suffered a tragedy. A terrible disaster has befallen each and every one of us. A hundred sixty-seven men, women, and yes, innocent children were lost, on the day Wayfarer 515 fell from the sky. At times like this, we ask ourselves deep questions: Is there a God? How could He let this happen? Who did this to me? Who can I sue? Did falling debris or body parts strike you, your home, your car, or your place of business? Did you or a loved one lose income opportunity now or in a potential future? Have you experienced nausea, vertigo, insomnia, survivor's guilt, uncertainty, or simply confusion? Doctors are standing by to affirm your diagnosis. The tragedy is profound, pain is profound, and believe me: the settlement will be profound.
  • When Hank tries to break into Jesse's RV, Jesse gives us this gem:
    Walt: [whispering] Say "This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed."
    Jesse: This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed... (beat) bitch!''

    Season 4 

  • Skyler weaving a tapestry of BS to get a locksmith to let her into Walt's apartment, eventually even faking a panic attack.
  • The scene in "Shotgun" when Walt Jr. comes home just as Walt and Skyler finished having sex. He doesn't see anything, but he puts two and two together (based on Walt and Skyler being in the bedroom) and makes the funniest disgusted face in the history of TV.
  • Jesse's exasperated "not again" face as he pulls out some acid to destroy Victor's body, and Mike's amusement at their attempts to get it into the container.
    • He also speaks his first words in the episode - "trust us" when Mike asks if it will work. And Jesse, of all people, KNOWS it will work.
  • When the bomb that kills Gustavo goes off, you can see Tyrus's body plop off the ceiling.
    • In the same scene, the face that Hector makes right before he sets off the bomb is a hilarious mixture of anger and excitement. Fitting that it's the last thing that Gus sees.
  • Anything involving Jesse's Roomba and people's reactions to it.
    "Did that just happen?"
  • The beginning of "Shotgun" becomes this after a while. The episode begins with a Crowning Momentof Awesome for Walt, with him driving like a madman to save Jesse, who he presumes is en route to his own execution. Then, he walks into Los Pollos Hermanos and demands from the manager to see Gustavo Fring, immediately. After a while, it turns out his badassitude was barely acknowledged by anyone in the legitimate fast-food business and then Mike and Jesse phone him, asking an out-of-his-mind Walter what the hell he's doing in the most bored way possible.
    • Well, Jesse might be bored, but at that point, he seems more resigned than anything. It's not that he doesn't think Mike is going to kill him — after all, he doesn't act too surprised when Walt asks whether Mike is holding him at gunpoint. It's that he doesn't care.
  • Huell and Kuby are sent to Ted's house to strong-arm him into writing a check to the IRS. This is what happens when they knock at the door:
    Ted Beneke: Can I help you?
    Patrick Kuby: Yeah. Thanks! [He and Huell step in uninvited]
    Ted Beneke: Whoa, whoa, you can't just—[Huell and Kuby stop and deliver their best death stares] What's this about?
    Patrick Kuby: I'll tell you what this is about, Mr. Beneke. This is about you and me doing our best to keep Huell happy.
    Ted Beneke: Huell? Who's Huell?
    Patrick Kuby: [points] This is Huell. Huell, you happy?
    Huell Babineaux: Reasonably.
    Patrick Kuby: What would make you unhappy?
    Huell Babineaux:: This lil' motherfucker not doing what he's told.
    Patrick Kuby: And if you were to become unhappy, Mr. Beneke wouldn't care for that?
    Huell Babineaux: I'm gonna say "no".
    Patrick Kuby: Well there you have it! Let's go find your checkbook. [begins leading Ted to the living room] Ready? Here we go, all right? We're walking, swinging our feet, there you go, very nice. Beautiful place you have here....
  • Gale's music video. Kind of a Tear Jerker, too, since its shown after his death.
    • Plus, his notes include not only meth formulas, but vegan s'more recipes, lists of the best recumbent bikes, indoor composting tips, a Ron Paul sticker, and a Far Side cartoon.
  • The montage of Jesse bored out of his mind while making pickups with Mike in "Shotgun".
    "So, I figured out your brilliant plan to get rid of me. You're going to bore me to death."
  • This rant from Walt to Saul in "Bullet Points" is just hilarious:
    Then what else should I not worry about, Saul, hm? Should I not worry that Gus plans to murder me at the first chance he gets? Should I not worry that my drug-addicted partner doesn't seem to care whether he lives or dies? You should see his house. It's like skid row! He has actual hobos living there! Now how long before Gus decides that he's too big of a risk? That guy Mike, that grunting dead-eyed cretin, sucker-punching me in the face! I've got Gus wielding a box cutter! I mean...Western Union! Message received! Let me ask you, when did this stop being a business, hm? Why am I the only person capable of behaving in a professional manner?
  • Walt and Skyler rehearsing the gambling story. Doubles as a Tear Jerker at times, since it shows how much in denial Walt is about his life of crime and how much of a divide there is between them at this point.
  • There's this joke: how do you get meth-heads out their house? Start digging: you'll know why. (Watching Mike's reactions is pretty golden, too.)
  • From "Cornered": "TUCKER! TUCKER! WILL YOU SHUT THE DAMN DOOR? TUCKER!!" Smackheads can be funny, sometimes.
  • Skyler breaking a coat hanger rod attempting to hide Walt's drug money in vacuum-sealed laundry bags, followed by her letting out a quiet "Walt!"
  • Skyler's Obfuscating Stupidity to keep Ted out of prison, acting like a dumb blonde who was only in charge of finances because she slept with Ted.
  • Tyrus Kitt shipping Walt into the meth lab in dirty laundry. Walt asks if it had to be dirty. Tyrus responds with a quick, quiet "No".
  • Walt doesn't get it in his head that $20,000 (later $25,000) to fix a broken glass door is a demand for a bribe.
    • He eventually gets it. That's when she ups it to 25.
      • Upon this realization, Walt gets up close to the secretary's face - seemingly about to launch a verbal attack - only to mutter "I'll be right back" and hurriedly stumble through the broken door.
      • Before the blackmail, the receptionist gives Walt a major tongue-lashing calling him insane for breaking into the office. When Walt goes off saying he needs Saul, she cuts him off saying "Let me guess, you and your partner did something stupid again."
  • The strippers running off with silverware and goods after the cartel bosses keel over in "Salud".
  • Hector struggling to get his nurse to understand that he wants to talk to the DEA ("Honey, 'Dea' ain't a word!"), then using his laborious communication method to simply deliver crude profane insults ("S-U-C-K M-Y—[D-I-C-K]"; "F-U-C—[K-Y-O-U]").
    • When the nurse returns Hector to his room at the nursing home, she chides him in the same way that a parent might scold a small child for breaking something valuable.
  • Walt's magnetized bomb sticking to an elevator door, followed by Jesse saying, "Did you just bring a bomb into a hospital!?"
  • Badger and Skinny Pete's conversation about zombie games.
  • Walter calls for a cab after he sets a delayed explosion to destroy the car he was driving. Right after the car explodes, he says, in a bored voice no les, "No, I think he'll see me."
  • Skylar actually making a script of a cover story for her and Walt being able to pay for Hank's medical expenses. Then she forces Walt to rehearse the lines with her and he makes the entire thing as difficult as possible.
  • Saul's commercial for obese people:
    Saul: Are you or someone you loved [graphics cause his chest to inflate] fifty, a hundred, or even two hundred pounds overweight?note  Then you better call Saul! Have fast-food restaurants tricked you into an unhealthy lifestyle with their ads [graphic of Los Pollos Hermanos logo], their Dollar Menus [graphic of dollar signs], and their colorful banners [Mexico flag]?

    I'm Saul Goodman, and I have the highest dollar-per-pound recovery ratio in Bernalillo Countynote . Any trainer will tell you there's four ways to lose weight: diet, exercise, the Lap-Band® note , and a fat legal suit. Just listen to this guy.
    [Cuts to a photo of a man in farmer's overalls standing outside a Los Pollos Hermanos restaurant]
    Client: This is me before I called Saul. I was 300 pounds, I'd lost my job, and I was impotent.note 
    [The image flips to show the actual customer, in the same location, who hasn't changed weight at all and is now holding bags with dollar signs on them in each hand]
    Client: This is me after the Saul Goodman plan. Thanks, Saul!note 
    Saul: So put down the muffins and pick up the phone! Just remember to take the fries out of your mouth before you call so we can understand what you're saying.note  You don't have to swallow injustice anymore. Call me, Saul Goodman, today!

    Season 5 
  • Jesse's hideously awkward attempts at small talk over dinner with Walt and Skyler. "Whatever happened to truth in advertising?"
    • Made even more hilarious when he drank from his glass of water for a solid 30 seconds when Skyler mentioned the affair with Ted.
    • "Hey Mrs. White. Vamonos."
  • "It's the universal symbol for keys."
    • If we're quoting Mike:
    Joe: Keep your credit cards away from the magnet! Want to make sure they still work when Miller Time comes around.
    Mike: I can think of a few different ways this scenario could possibly end, and none of them involve Miller Time.
    • Mike instructing Lydia about what he will do if she botches a DEA phone call and explaining to her the difference between "pistol" and "gun".
    • Mike explaining why he wouldn't lead the cops to their headquarters, like he's talking to a five year old.
    • Mike strikes again, telling Walt they're gonna spend the whole night in the office, "like it's my birthday."
    • Mike in the very first scene of his in "Live Free or Die" has him feeding some bullying chickens and calmly but seriously saying "Wendell doesn't eat, nobody eats."
    • Mike even cracks Walt and Jesse up when he's going over instructions with the Vamonos Pest Control crew and he tells them to refer to Walt as "Yes sir" and Jesse as "No sir"
    • Mike watching TV while the cops search his house.
    • Mike's most classic line to Walt in "Buyout."
    Mike: You know, I have never seen anybody work so hard not to get 5 million dollars.
  • Mike using one of his granddaughter's toys to distract Chris Mara.
  • Lydia's introductory scene, with her pitiful attempts at cloak-and-dagger antics while meeting with Mike.
    • Hell, whenever she tries to act inconspicuous.
  • Walter shrugs off Saul's comments about Mike:
    Saul: So you bring him here? Come on! The three of us? We're the Three Amigos! All for one, one for all! We don't need a Fourth Amigo!
    Walter: Saul, Mike knows the business. He knows distributors.
    Jesse: Mike's okay.
    Saul: He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs. And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay? 'Cause he gave me the dead mackerel eyes. He meant it.
    Walt: Saul, Mike threatened me. He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. Come on. Grow a pair!
  • Walt and Walt Jr. buying cars.
    • To elaborate: Walt goes out and buys a Chrysler 300 SRT8 for Jr. Jr. looks impressed, but gestures that Walt can do Walt keeps the Chrysler for himself and buys Jr. a Dodge Challenger SRT8. Yucks and laughs were had by all as father and son enjoy their new toys and rev up their engines.
    • A big part of it is Rian Johnson's absurdly over-the-top direction, repeatedly panning back and forth between them long after we've gotten the point, all to illustrate their adolescent mindset over the whole thing.
    • And the whole scene has the most hilariously obnoxious use of dubstep since Saints Row: The Third.
  • Saul, when showing Walt, Jesse, and Mike different places where they can cook, drives up to a location that's met with a big "no" from both Walt and Jesse. Cut to a shot showing what the place is: Lazer Base, the laser tag joint last seen in Season 3.
    • Of course, the other choices weren't exactly as optimal either: the other option was a tortilla factory (where Walt's concern was that humidity would ruin the quality of the meth, not to mention the noise and the concern of "It'll make the tortillas smell like cat piss", not to mention the risk of being discovered during surprise health inspections).
  • Jesse attempting to get Walt and Mike's attention for his magnet idea, followed by his mimed explanation of it.
    • And then Walt goes a little overboard making sure they fry the laptop, turning up the magnet's power until the van is knocked over.
  • Old Joe musing about genital piercings.
  • Skinny Pete plays C. P. E. Bach's "Solfeggietto" on a keyboard... and then Badger comes in with tuneless caterwauling on a two neck guitar.
    • What sells the moment is Pete's exasperated body language when Badger is playing. Then he looks up, rock-on face, and Pete fakes enthusiasm.
  • The look on Hank's face at the end of "Gliding Over All". He looks like he just shit himself.
  • Jesse referring to the old RV they used to cook meth inside as the "Crystal Ship."
  • Gomez's face when he catches the lawyer paying off Mike's guys in the bank vault.
    Lawyer: ...Hey.
    Gomez: (wearing shit-eating grin) Hey.
  • Saul's reaction to Mike's other lawyer: "How could Mike use that clown of a lawyer? He would've had better luck with the law firm of Mo, Larry and Shemp."
  • Badger's Star Trek script. With "script" being a massive stretch of the word.
    • To elaborate: on a quiet day, the crew of the Enterprise holds a pie-eating contest that ultimately boils down to Kirk, Spock and Chekov. Kirk is the first to lose, having "yorked" (puked). Meanwhile, however, Chekov has Scotty use the transporter to beam the pies he eats into space (since he has a lot of quatloos riding on this). However, near the end, Scotty screws up (due to being distracted when Uhura walks in with "her big pointies"), resulting in Scotty transporting Chekov's guts into space, killing him.
    • There's even a mistake that will make Trekkies squirm, when Skinny Pete describes Voyager as being in the Gamma Quadrant (amusingly, he was half-right. Tulaberries ARE from the Gamma Quadrant... but Voyager isn't.
    • Another small one is describing the original series as having replicators. It's unclear if this mistake was intentional or not. However, considering this is Badger we're talking about though, the possibilities that it was intentional are like he probably was when he was creating said "script": high.
    • Here's the animated version, which has an additional moment of funny in the form of Spock not giving a shit about the fact that Chekov has died.
  • Walt is unimpressed with Saul's suggestion in re: Hank: "Send him to Belize... I'll send you to Belize."
  • Huell, to quote Kuby, "Channeling Scrooge McDuck" by using Walter's money as a bed.
    • When Huell refuses to get up from it despite Kuby's urges, Kuby finally just shrugs and joins him.
  • Todd steering Lydia through a maze of bodies, as her high heels sink into the sand.
  • Saul giving Jesse a Hello Kitty cell phone.
    Jesse: Seriously? Hello Kitty?
    Saul: Seriously? It's free.
  • The unbearably tense meeting between Walt, Skyler, Hank, and Marie being occasionally broken up by an obnoxiously cheerful waiter.
    • "Tableside guacamole?"
    • Made even funnier by several comments on the Breaking Bad Facebook page reading "I am the one who guacs!!!!!"
  • When Walt, Jesse, and Saul have a secret meeting in the desert, it takes all of one sentence from Walt's mouth to make Saul go from ranting at Jesse a mile-a-minute to sitting quietly in the background, like a child being sent to the corner, for the rest of the scene.
  • Walt retrieving his gun from the car wash. He zooms into a parking space and races for the door, then abruptly stops and enters completely calm. Followed by giving Skyler the most half-assed excuses imaginable for why he's there, and why he then has to leave. It's quite satisfying seeing the once-invincible Magnificent Bastard reduced to this.
  • Hank's method of testing a wire signal: "Pancho Villa, Salma Hayek. Pancho Villa, Salma Hayek. You gettin' that?" Gomie's response: "Loud and clear, idiota."
  • Walter Jr. coming up with a better lie than Walt to explain the house being covered in gasoline, completely by accident. And Walt's planet-sized pride still won't let him drop his own idea.
  • Walt referring to Badger and Skinny Pete as "Beaver and... what's his name".
    Kuby: For three hours straight all he (Badger) talked about was something called Babylon 5.
  • Jesse all but confirming what part of the fandom already thinks:
    Jesse: Yeah, no, Mr. White's gay for me. Everyone knows that.
  • Extremely dark humor, but: Marie's conversation with her therapist about untraceable poisons. Especially once you take into account the fact that the person she is fantasizing about poisoning is Walt, AKA probably the best person to ask about untraceable poisons.
  • Walt walking into the carwash with Holly to find Saul Goodman chatting with his wife and son, and immediately turning back around and leaving. Adding to that, Junior was starstruck by Saul Goodman when he enters the car wash.
    • "Hey, kid: don't drive drunk. But if you do, call me!" It's the way he sounds like he's gleefully anticipating it that sells the joke.
      • To add to the funny, after being recognized by Walt Jr., the director frames nearly every shot with Walt Sr. and Saul outside to catch either his bus ad or billboard in the background.
  • Todd using "Blinded Me with Science" as his ringtone.
    • Specifically his ringtone for Walt, since "Felina" shows that he uses a different one for Lydia - Groucho Marx's "Lydia the Tattooed Lady".
  • Gomez calling Jesse "Timmy Dipshit."
  • Todd's shooting face during the shootout at the end of 'To'hajiilee'. It's just so... well look.
  • After Jack's just killed Hank and Gomez, taken Jesse into captivity and left Walt with a barrel of money, Walt rolls the barrel along the desert, while this mellow - and incredibly apt for the episode, if you interpret it as saying Walt's "true love" is his money - song is playing.
    Times are getting' hard, boy; money's gettin' scarce
    Times gonna get no better, boys; gonna leave this place
    Take my true love by the hand; lead her through the town
    Say goodbye to everyone, goodbye to everyone.
    Had a job a year ago, had a little home
    Now I've got no place to go, guess I'll have to roam.
  • Even in the intense midst of "Ozymandias," and despite his complicity in Hank's death, Todd finds time to give Walt a seemingly genuine yet incredibly inappropriate "Sorry for your loss."
  • As Walt rolls his barrel of money through the desert he rolls past a pair of pants. Word of God confirms these are, in fact, the same pants he lost in the pilot. It's a Brick Joke that took practically five and a half years to pay off.
  • In "Granite State", Walt's only DVD choices in his isolated New Hampshire cabin are two copies of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Truly a level of Hell that Dante never imagined.
  • Also from Granite State, Saul's surprise that his "Disappearer" actually does sell vacuum cleaners.
  • This little conversation from the end of "Granite State"
    Walter: I'd like to speak to the man in charge of the Walter White case.
    Operator: Who is this?
    Walter: Walter White.
  • After the horrifically sad and heartbreaking ending of "Ozymandias," the first we see of Walt in "Granite State" is a silent video feed of him pacing around, griping to himself, and angrily slapping a ceiling lamp. Yup, seems about right.
  • In "Granite State" seeing Jack and the other neo-nazis make fun of Todd for having a crush on Lydia
  • When Ed walks in on Walt attempting to browbeat Saul into continuing to work with him:
    Ed: Everything good?
    Saul: (without any air in his throat) Define "good."
  • How Ed was talking about preparing Walter's IV injection by watching a couple of YouTube videos.
  • From "Felina":
    • Todd's choice of "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" as a ringtone.
    • Walt triumphantly getting the car to work after finding the keys in the beginning of "Felina" with "El Paso" playing. Mundane Made Awesome.
    • Extremely dark example, but once you learn that the "hitmen" arranged for Gretchen and Elliott are Skinny Pete and Badger using laser pointers, the scene at the Schwartz house. You can tell Walt is enjoying himself a little bit too much.
      • When Badger and Skinny Pete question as to whether or not what they did was morally right, Walt gives them both a wad of cash and they promptly shut up.
    • Walt suddenly walking into the background as Todd and Lydia have breakfast, neither of them noticing until he pulls up a chair.
    • Jack's reaction to seeing Walt with hair. First he refuses to believe it's not a wig, then he compliments it.
      Jack: Christ, that is one fine head of hair. I mean, otherwise you look like shit, but-
      Walt: Hello to you too, Jack.
    • Jack's reaction to Kenny asking "where do you want [me to shoot] him?"
      Jack: Yeah, thanks. Anywhere but my living room would be fine. Jesus.
    • Another gem from Jack, albeit a dark example; his over-the-top sarcasm at the accusation that Jesse is his "partner":
      Jack: Does this look like a partner to you? Take a look at him. Have a gander. He's my partner. Right, partner? Right, buddy? Hard working good partner! Fifty-fifty partner!
    • Black Comedy: Kenny lying dead in the massage chair as it's still operating.

  • The alternate ending: Hal and Lois experiencing a Newhart scenario.
    • Hal trying to describe Jesse.
    • Hal excusing his erection against Lois's back as the one who knocks.
    • "The only thing that made sense in the dream is that I still walked around in my underwear!"
    • When talking about Hank, he mentions that "he looked like the guy from The Shield."
    • After telling Lois(Skyler) goodnight, we see the porkpie hat and out of nowhere you hear "life is unfair~~~" from the Malcolm in the Middle theme.
  • Jesse meets Anna.
  • Highlights from the season 4 blooper reel.
    • Walt inserts his dollar bill into a vending machine...only for it to slide right back out. Walt catches the bill before it hits the ground, tries again, and the same thing happens.
  • Meth: The Freshmaker
  • Late Night with Jimmy Fallon celebrates the end of the series...with a supercut set to *NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye".
  • Late Night With Jimmy Fallon did a different parody, "Joking Bad", with Fallon as a joke dealer. Featuring references to many of the show's best moments, a lengthy cameo from Odenkirk himself as Saul, Aaron Paul in the audience booing Fallon when Fallon inadvertently sells all his jokes to Gus leaving him with no material for the show, and in that same scene Bryan Cranston throwing a pizza, imitating the iconic scene from the show.
  • A funny behind-the-scenes story from the standoff that led to Hank and Gomez's death: during one take of the part where Jack asks how do they know that they (Hank and Gomez) are actually cops, Steven Michael Quezada (Gomez) broke character and said "Because Dean Norris plays a cop in everything he’s fu**ing in!"
  • How the show almost could have had a Nick Fury cameo