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Goblin Slayer & Party Members

    Goblin Slayer 

Played by Grimmjack

The eponymous protagonist of the series. A guild member of mysterious origin, Goblin Slayer lives for one simple thing: killing GAAWBLINS!
  • Adaptational Intelligence: In some respects, he's far more intelligent than Anime!Goblin Slayer as he has more in depth knowledge about some things beyond goblins like weapon expertise and aspects of other classes like barbarians.
    • He knows more about magic and supernatural phenomena than Anime!Goblin Slayer and references not only spells but the tiers that they belong to.
      Goblin Slayer: I mean yeah we could have. But were you holding out on a fourth tier Neutralize Poison spell? You got your god on speed-dial, girlie?!
    • Knows the skills and abilities of other job classes and is able to comment on them intelligently.
      Goblin Slayer: (To rookie warrior) Sounds like a classic case of warrior's madness. That's a powerful weapon in a Berserker's toolkit. You ever thought about becoming a barbarian?
    • He seems to have a pretty decent understanding of biology too.
      Goblin Slayer: (while strangling the Goblin Champion) While being asphyxiated by a garrote wire, blood flow to the brain and oxygen flow to the lungs is halted. Adrenaline kicks in as a last resort. Your body is dying and it knows it.
  • Adaptational Jerkass: He is much more socially aggressive than his canon counterpart. Canon Goblin Slayer could be kind of cold and aloof, but he also had a heart that was visible pretty easily. The abridged version of Goblin Slayer is full-on Ax-Crazy, always shouts, and is much more openly abrasive about things he doesn't like. Played with later on. Episode 5 reveals his behavior is largely Obfuscating Insanity, and that when out of armor his behavior is a lot closer to canon, all but saying his more insane demeanor is a means of coping with his trauma while emulating Burglar. He's still acting like an aggressive nutcase though, which makes him more volatile compared to his canon selves stoicism.
    • This is also zig-zagged with Cow Girl. He intentionally avoids revealing to her what his actual profession is, coming up with increasingly implausible other jobs he could have to explain his plentiful supply of money. Cow Girl is still carrying some mental trauma from the goblin raid on their hometown, and he's clearly trying to protect her by not bringing up his endless rampage of revenge against the goblins.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Goblin Slayer takes far more pleasure in the slaughter of Goblins, with seemingly no motivation beyond just plain hating them. He also doesn't seem to care who just killed in the crossfire, such as a village he burned down along with a nest of Goblins. However, due to Character Development, it's shown in the fourth episode that his reason for hating goblins is very similar to Canon!Goblin Slayer.
  • And Then What?: A variant. He never counted on being successful at slaying every goblin in existence, and so falls into a spiral of depression when there seems to be no more goblins left to slay, though it's implied that this is only due to him being yet unable to cope with his trauma. He would have started on the road to recovery though, were it not for someone resurrecting the Demon Lord, and in the process spawning more goblins that have Cow Girl's farm in their sights.
  • Ass Shove: Goblin Slayer keeps his potions in the one place Goblins wouldn't look: his ass. When High Elf Archer kicked him down the hill in Episode 5, the bottles broke and killed him, requiring a second resurrection spell.
  • Ax-Crazy: One look at his behavior is enough to tell you just how much he loves killing Goblins. This is somewhat lampshaded, as Goblin Slayer refers to it as "Warrior Madness". Thankfully, he really is only dangerous towards Goblins and nothing else (of course, as long as he doesn't cause collateral damage during his escapades).
  • Back from the Dead: He's killed by the Goblin Champion in episode 4, but a True Resurrection from Sword Maiden gets him back up by the next episode.
  • Beauty Is Never Tarnished: He's still shockingly attractive under his helmet. Spearman lampshades that even his scars look perfectly placed to enhance his good looks.
  • Blood Knight: He loves killing goblins. And just about anything else, but mostly goblins.
  • Calling Your Attacks: He loves calling out his attacks, no matter how mundane they are.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: He is a lunatic who talks to his table, rants almost exclusively about Goblins, and acts like a petulant child when he is forced to take a day off from Goblin slaying due to having died against the Goblin Champion (he was resurrected by Sword Maiden).
  • Dark and Troubled Past: As revealed in the fourth episode, Goblin Slayer's motive for hunting down goblins is almost exactly like his canon counterpart: the goblins killed his family and destroyed his village.
    Burglar: The goblins took your family! The goblins took your world! How will you make them pay? What will you take from THEM?
    Goblin Slayer: Everything.
  • Death by Adaptation: Not that it lasts. When Archer kicks him over, the potions in his ass break, killing him again. He gets better, though Sword Maiden asks him to not die anymore so they don't run out of priceless gems to use True Resurrection.
  • The Dreaded: He's a boogeyman dubbed "the Hunter" by the goblins that goblin parents tell their children to act in line. The Goblin Lord thought he was just a legend until they finally met.
    Goblin Lord: I've heard stories of someone like you. A terror that strikes in the day when goblins sleep. Invisible to the eye and nose, they navigate our caves as though they were born in them, and when they strike, entire colonies are wiped out without a trace. I thought you were only a fairy tale but here we are, face-to-face. The elves called you "Orcbolg," the dwarves called you "Shitdick," but we goblins called you...the Hunter.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Monkey Kid. Everyone in his home village, including Cow Girl and his own sister, called him that. Cow Girl's uncle still calls him that in the present.
  • The Faceless: He almost always wears a face concealing helmet. In the rare instances he doesn't, his face is always conveniently just above the screen or obscured by the foreground.
  • Generation Xerox: Episode 5 reveals that a lot of his personality is nigh identical to that of his mentor, Burglar, albeit slightly toned down. It also heavily implies that his emulating of Burglar is a coping mechanism for him to deal with the trauma of losing his home and sister, as outside of his armor and when alone with the Priestess and Sword Maiden, he's a lot more stoic, only going back to "normal" when he puts his armor back on.
  • Genius Ditz: Inept at anything not related to goblins. A genius related to anything that has to do with goblins.
  • Homeless Hero: Subverted; while everyone thinks he's homeless, he lives with Cow Girl and her uncle.
  • Hot-Blooded: Highlighted in the very first episode, more specifically his speech at the end while he's prepping to kill goblin children.
    Goblin Slayer: I wish I was innocent like you, but I'm not. I'm full of rage, and beans, SPIRIT, PRIDE, AND HEART, AND SOUL, AND RAGE, AND BEANS! SPICY BEANS! The only good goblin's a dead goblin, now LET'S MAKE THESE GOBLINS GOOD!!!
  • I Didn't Tell You Because You'd Be Unhappy: He keeps his goblin slaying exploits hidden from Cow Girl in the hopes she can lead a peaceful, goblin-free life. She points out that not knowing his fate should something happen to him would hurt far worse.
  • I Have Many Names: Goblin Slayer, Orcbulge, Shitdick, Monkey Kid, Cowboy, Rookie Lancer, Lancer Jr. and the Hunter.
  • I Resemble That Remark!:
    Goblin Slayer: Iced... scream? Do they like, scream at ice then eat it?
    Priestess: If that's how they do it, you'd be a pro!
    Goblin Slayer: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!
  • I Work Alone: Until Priestess runs into him, and the others come to team up with him, he slays goblins alone. It's apparent that he's ostracized by the rest of the guild as a madman constantly screaming about goblins, as opposed to just a weird loner who takes goblins far too seriously. Once Priestess decides to join him and High-Elf Archer, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest enlist his help, though, he takes to teamwork very well, bouncing off of his allies' capabilities very effectively... problem is, he tends to still act like it's a solo show, rarely telling his plans to the party and just expecting them to do exactly as he wants when he wants them to, and even once claiming the party won a fight because of the power of his friendship.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: In Episode 5, he rips into Sword Maiden, calling her pathetic and selfish for calling on him for help when she could have used her dire crocodile familiar to kill the goblins. And if he's here helping Sword Maiden, then someone else is in trouble, without his help. Goblin Slayer ends up bringing her to tears, but Sword Maiden knows that he's right.
    Goblin Slayer: If I'm not out there killing goblins, some innocent girl might suffer the same fate as you... Or worse. People might die because you lured us here, Sword Maiden. For your own selfish reasons.
    • He also kills Wizard in a Mercy Kill, and when Priestess protests that they could have saved her, he concedes that, but he also asks if she was holding out on the 4th-level spell Neutralize Poison in order to do that.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: A violently murderous, goblin obsessed maniac who screams at everything, even killing a man just because he wouldn't shut up about ice cream. However, his goblin slaying does at least partially come from wanting to keep others safe from the goblins after his past experiences with them. It's rather notable that he's one of the only guild members who doesn't just hunt glory and money, even if his work is seen by the others as lowly and his personality is abrasive.
  • Multi-Melee Master: Even more so than Anime!Goblin Slayer. He is well versed in weapons and the effects of using said weapons, particularly in how damaging and lethal they can be.
    Goblin Slayer: "With a thickness of a club it should be able to cause blunt force trauma to its GAWBLIN-like target. Resulting in concussions, broken bones and muscular damage. It requires nearly no maintenance and every end of it is operational. Meaning that even if it breaks you'll still be able to use it compared to your run of the mill sword. Overall, pretty good and cheap."
  • Never Gets Drunk: In stark contrast to High Elf Archer, he No-Sells the Duergar's Grundle, with his sole reaction being "It's fine". He even takes another sip to parch his thirst.
  • Obfuscating Insanity: Episode 5 reveals that Goblin Slayer is surprisingly much more mature and noble than he lets on, and only acts like a murderous psycho for the sake of appearances and to cope with the trauma of his past. That said, the mental manifestation of his fears and insecurities about goblins taking away everything he loves does manifest as the raving maniac he acts as when his helmet is on.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: Stated and implied multiple times by comments from characters about and to Goblin Slayer about his preferred methods of goblin slaying being irresponsible and a massive danger to the people around him and the area he's in on Goblin Slayer's part for him it being both intentionally and incidentally needlessly destructive.
    G.S: Well, I could take the goblins out easier but some people think that fire, water, poison, beer, and cheese are completely irresponsible and cause unfathomable destruction on those around me!
    Elf Archer: Some people think that because it's TRUE!!
  • Precision F-Strike: Delivers a horrified "Oh shit" upon discovering the mass of goblin tracks outside Cow Girl's farm at the end of Episode 6.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: When Sword Maiden still has the nerve to ask him to stay in Water Town with her after she lied to him and the party, he tears into her with a speech that's enough to drive her to tears. With none of his usual sass or sociopathy.
    Goblin Slayer: ...Hm. Pathetic. A waste of my time. You can turn into a cult-slaying kaiju monstrosity, and you ask for MY help? I do my job for the love of killing goblins, sure. But that's not the only reason. I do it because somewhere out there, a nameless village no one will remember might get burnt to the ground if someone doesn't step in and kill some filthy goblins before they attack. So that a family with a name no one will remember gets to see another day with their loved ones. You have unlimited resources. You could have asked ANYONE in the world for help. You have the God of Justice on speed dial, and you're trying to guilt trip ME into living with you? If I'm not out there killing goblins, some innocent girl might suffer the same fate as you... Or worse. People might die because you lured us here, Sword Maiden. For your own selfish reasons. I can't believe Priestess looks up to you.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Somehow even moreso than Anime!Goblin Slayer. He won't stop until the entire Goblin race is eradicated, and he couldn't care less about who gets hurt in the crossfire.
  • Secretly Wealthy: He doesn't actually hide it, but his terrible gear leads everyone to think he's flat broke when he considers hundreds, even thousands, of gold coins chump change. He blurts out accidentally to Priestess that he's got some 55k hidden away.
  • Single-Issue Wonk: If it's not related to killing GAAAWWWBLINS!! then he isn't interested. Priestess only talks him into getting new armor and taking a day off by telling him that it'll be good for killing goblins.
    • When he first met High Elf Archer, Lizard Priest, and Dwarf Shaman, Goblin Slayer repeatedly blacked out and dreamed about slaying Goblins because they didn't immediately talk about Goblins. Dwarf Shaman had to speak in his "language" (repeatedly saying the word 'goblin') to keep his attention and him awake.
  • Split Personality: When not wearing his helmet, his personality is like that of his stoic canon counterpart. When the helmet is back on (in Episode 5 when doing so he goes from reserved stoicism back to his "normal" levels of screaming literally midsentence), it's back to the usual Ax-Crazy GS. His inner monologue is that of the insane, armor-wearing Goblin Slayer we normally see arguing with the calm, stoic one. Sane Goblin Slayer is tired, and wants to live a normal life. Crazy Goblin Slayer won't let him, because he's convinced that the moment they take a break, someone's going to die.
  • Talkative Loon: When in his armor, he's clearly crazy, and he never shuts up about GAAWBLINS!!! and how he wants to kill them. Outside of his armor, it's the opposite, being very stoic and sane, and wanting nothing more than to rest. This is revealed to be a full-on Split Personality later on.
  • Verbal Tic: He tends to mumble "what the fuck?" whenever he's actually baffled by something.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Somehow both Parodied and Played for Drama. When he tries to tell Priestess that she's far more resourceful and determined than she thinks she is, he accidentally makes himself relive his horrible memories.
    Goblin Slayer: Once when I was a child, my big sister told me the floor was covered in invisible lava. I stayed up in the trees like a monkey for weeks on end. People in the village made fun of me, called me "The Monkey Kid". [...] But at the end of the day, the joke was on them. A nearby volcano erupted and flooded the village. It'd be real poetic if they hadn't been killed two weeks earlier by a band of FILTHY goblins- Oh! Oh God! The memories! I just wanted to comfort you, Priestess, but the memories! They're coming back! Everything I loved died! AUGH!! [...] Anyways, I'd appreciate if you kept these details private.
  • Worthless Yellow Rocks: Goblin Slayer couldn't care less about money, and casually overpays for rent.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Is that child a goblin? Yes? The only good goblin is a dead goblin. Ergo, he'll make that goblin child good.

    Priestess 

Played by ChiChi


  • Adaptational Badass: Since the magic and some gods in this series are based on Pathfinder, her spell list is far larger than in the anime.
  • Bad Liar: Most of the time she's completely honest, with the only time she lies being very obvious.
  • Badass Adorable: She's a sweet teenage girl who believes in doing good in the world. She'll also tell an ogre casting Fireball at her to go fuck himself without hesitation.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: While Priestess may be one of the nicer characters on the show, even she has proven to have her limits.
  • Break the Cutie: Just like her anime!counterpart, Priestess's traumatic first quest does a lot to show her just how horrifying life in the Guild can be.
  • Character Development: As the series goes on, she starts to inherit some of Goblin Slayer's pathological goblin hatred, muttering about them in her sleep and calling the ogre a "fuckin GAAAAAWWBLIN" after he brushes her off.
  • Cloud Cuckoolanders Minder: Part of the reason that Priestess works with Goblin Slayer is that its her duty to supervise the "cataclysmic force of nature that is [Goblin Slayer]".
  • Deadpan Snarker: Subverted. She really wants to be this trope. Unfortunately, she's just too sweet for it.
  • Flashback Fail: Her flashbacks tend to be much shorter than the actual conversation. Witch's recounting of Goblin Slayer asking her for a "Magical Squirrel" is boiled down to:
    Witch: Squirrels! Scrolls! I don't give a fuck! Woooooooo!
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: She's got blonde hair is probably the sweetest character in the series.
  • Hero-Worshipper: Towards Sword Maiden. Turns out that Goblin Slayer is aware of the many Hidden Depths of Sword Maiden — specifically, that she's Secretly Selfish — but he keeps up appearances to make sure that Priestess has someone to look up to.
  • Kid Hero: Downplayed. She's 15, much to Goblin Slayer's confusion.
    Goblin Slayer: "15"? What the fuck?
  • Pretty Fly for a White Guy: In Episode 5, she calls on her goddess by saying "It's me, ya priesty girl", clicking her tongue, and winking.

    High Elf Archer 

Played by Joeykat


  • Can't Argue with Elves: Unlike Canon!High Elf, whose abrasiveness is only really due to aggressive youth, Abridged!High Elf genuinely holds the stereotypical "I'm better than you" attitude of elves.
  • Can't Hold His Liquor: Somehow worse at taking alcohol than Canon!High Elf.
  • Glory Hound: Not as bad as the other adventurers in this series, but High Elf still desires to go on a "real" adventure and attain some amount of glory out of it. This is the reason why she insists on the rest of the party killing the Beholder in Episode 5.
  • I Just Want to Be Badass: High Elf would love nothing more than to go on the cool, badass adventures she always dreamt about going and be praised as a hero. Since she's in a party with Goblin Slayer, that may never happen but damn if she won't try.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She's rude, crass, has a classic case of the Can't Argue with Elves mentality, and gets into petty squabbles with Dwarf Shaman. However, she genuinely cares about helping others and admits that the work Goblin Slayer does is more important than she could possibly realize.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With Dwarf Shaman. When it looks like they're about to be overwhelmed by Goblins in episode 4, she admits in the most Tsundere way possible that she's enjoyed adventuring with him.
  • Womanchild: Despite being over 1000 years old, High Elf can be quite childish when it comes to her interactions with Dwarf Shaman and desperately wanting to go on a "real" adventure.

    Dwarf Shaman 

Played by Coffinjockey


    Lizard Priest 

Played by EoD


  • Affably Evil: Is very jovial and friendly to his party members. Also proudly cannibalizes his deceased family members and uses their remains for necromancy. He'll also do the same to his party members if they die, which he openly states.
    Priestess: Just so we're clear, necromancy is super evil. You know that, right?
    Lizard Priest: Mhmm.
  • Cannibal Tribe: His family tends to eat the flesh of their own dead kin and he uses their skeletal remains as minions via Necromancy. Elf is disgusted by this, but Dwarf is fine with it.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: He's somehow even stranger than Goblin Slayer.
  • Husky Russkie: At least has the accent of one.
  • I Am a Humanitarian: He proudly serves the party his great grandfather to celebrate their new friendship. He also openly states he will eat his party members (and use their bones in his magic) if they die. He tried to eat Goblin Slayer after the Goblin Champion killed him, but the others drugged him with "sleepy cheese" and chained him down while Sword Maiden resurrected Goblin Slayer.
  • Minor Injury Overreaction: In his debut episode, he says "We're trapped. There is no escape, we will die in here." when Goblin Slayer locks the door behind him. According to Elf Archer, he says this whenever they're behind a locked door.
  • Necromancer: Unlike his anime counterpart, who uses bone reagents to cast miracles, abridged!Lizard Priest explicitly uses the body parts of his family.
  • Red Shirt: His necromantic summons are usually used as distractions, usually against his knowledge or intent. Though he's pretty blase about it, only asking if anybody else has another sk-uncle he can use when his own uncle gets blown up with the Beholder.
  • Token Evil Teammate: Of the Affably Evil variety. While he gets along well with the rest of the team, he's an unrepentant cannibal and a practitioner of necromancy, which has been established to be "super evil". He also openly claims he'll eat his party members and use their bones in his necromancy should they die.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Cheese, to an obsessive extent.
  • Willfully Weak: He's actually a Gold rank adventurer who keeps turning down promotions so he can stick with his friends.

Goblin Slayer's Friends, Allies, & Family

    Cow Girl 

Played by KaniDay


  • Adaptational Late Appearance: She was never mentioned up until episode 5 and doesn't appear until the 6th episode, a far cry from her canon self who appeared much earlier.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: Cow Girl eventually points out to her uncle that despite him being the owner of the farm, he's not doing as much work as he used to, so she has to pick up the slack on top of cleaning the farm and cooking all the meals. So she should be getting a bit more respect for what she does.
  • Creepy Monotone: While she mostly just moans when she stares at the two moons and, according to Cow Girl's uncle, "disassociates", whenever she does speak she sounds eerily robotic.
  • Declaration of Protection: To Goblin Slayer's repeated surprise, Cow Girl states it's her job to protect him.
  • Locked Out of the Loop: Subverted. She appeared to be completely ignorant of Goblin Slayer's actual job, however when Goblin Slayer comes clean, she says she's always known but waited for Goblin Slayer to say so himself. Ideally, when their farm wasn't in danger.
  • Super-Strength: Offhandedly mentions she can lift a two-ton cow with little effort.

    Cow Girl's Uncle 

Played by NickA_TheVA


  • Adaptational Jerkass: Cow Girl's uncle in the original show was reasonable, patient, and tolerant of Goblin Slayer since he always paid the rent and was both highly protective and concerned for Cow Girl and his farm. This guy is actively trying to get Goblin Slayer to leave the farm by charging him higher and higher rates of rent money and eventually charging him extra for milk and stew.
  • Awful Wedded Life: Seemingly one-sided in his favor; he genuinely loved and misses his wife after she was killed during the goblin attack, yet seemed pretty unaware that she was miserable throughout their marriage and drank heavily just to numb the feelings (that part he is aware of, though).
    Cow Girl: (monotone) My aunt said she was going to leave you.
    Cow Girl's Uncle: Aaaand she did. Left us all that day. Rest in peace.
    Cow Girl: Oh... okay...
  • Brutal Honesty: Poor Raul.
    Cow Girl: One of you are going to the slaughterhouse tomorrow!
    Raul: MOO?!?
    Cow Girl: Of course, it's not you Raul, you're one of the good boys!
    Raul: Moo.
    Uncle: Cow Girl, you lying to the cows again? T'ain't right! Of course, it's Raul!
    Raul: MMMOOOOO!!!
    Uncle: Yeah you better be worried, Raul! They're out of the sharp axes! It's gonna take like an hour!
    Raul: MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
  • Catchphrase: "T'ain't right."
  • Insistent Terminology: He won't call Goblin Slayer anything other than "Monkey Kid", despite what Cow Girl tells him.
  • Moving The Goal Posts: At first, the increased rent (1 gold per month) was due to a need for higher security. Then GS started being funny and Uncle doubled it (to 2 gold per month) for the extra lip. In an attempt to kick him off the farm, he increased it to 10 gold per month (which, to his eternal frustration, GS doubled). Finally, just to spite Goblin Slayer, he made the rent a whooping 100 gold per month. Unbeknownst to him, it's all chump change for GS.
  • Retired Badass: He apparently used to be an adventurer in his youth. Cow Girl reveals that he was only an adventurer for three days but he is convinced he's the greatest adventurer the town has ever known.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: When he saw a visitor, he was very friendly and offered him a glass of milk and a bowl of stew. Then when it turned out to be Goblin Slayer, he immediately changed gears from friendly to hostile.
  • Underestimating Badassery: He keeps raising the rent to spite Goblin Slayer, but the latter's modest spending and constant questing (against goblins) means he has tens of thousands of gold to pay him with.
  • Victory Is Boring: When he actually manages to convince GS briefly to find a new apartment in the city rather than the farm, he seems disappointed by the fact that victory isn't what he imagined.

    Goblin Slayer's Sister 

Played by LunaFreya


    Burglar 

  • Dare to Be Badass: What the audience has heard of him so far amounts to this.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: Just like in canon he motivates Goblin Slayer by throwing his family's death in his face and screaming at him to do something about it.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Has no comedic traits whatsoever, and scenes with him in them are played entirely seriously with no jokes in them.
  • Would Hurt a Child: His motivating mostly amounts to berating a young Goblin Slayer, even throwing a rock at his face.

The Adventurer's Guild

    Guild Girl 

ManicWednesday


  • Adaptational Jerkass: Guild Girl, who is normally very friendly with all the guild members in canon, is now snarky, overexerted and infuriated by everyone’s blissful ignorance.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Outside of her "screaming breaks", sarcasm may be the one thing keeping Guild Girl sane in her line of work.
  • Dream-Crushing Handicap: Went on a rant in Episode 6 about her dream of being a concert Pianist, only for her to developing crippling carpal tunnel syndrome from the guild's paperwork.
  • Gold Digger: Very keen on spending someone else's money on her days off. Gets a date with the Goblin Slayer just to spend his money during the Harvest Festival. GS is fully aware of her going after his money.
  • Jerkass: As stated above, Guild Girl's sweet and kind personality in canon has clearly not been carried over in this series. Then again, if YOU had to deal with a guild filled with arrogant adventurers more concerned with looking cool than doing their jobs and newbie adventurers who are suicidally overconfident and refuse to listen to you, you probably would end up being one, too.
    • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She's notably — if only slightly — kinder to people like Goblin Slayer and Priestess, likely because they're two of few who actually take their job seriously (or in Goblin Slayer's case, zealously). She can actually hold a conversation with Goblin Slayer without much disdain and actively tries to warn Priestess about her job. It's also implied in Episode 1 that she tries to dissuade Naïve Newcomers from joining, hinting at some sort of concern for human life.
  • Only Sane Woman: For the guild as a whole.
  • Pet the Dog: She's notably kinder to people who don't want to make her scream, like Priestess. She also goes out of her way to try and warn Priestess about and dissuade her from working with her at her Soul-Crushing Desk Job.
  • Soul-Crushing Desk Job: Clearly regards her job as this, as outlined in the rant she gives to Priestess in Episode 6:
    Guild Girl: You want to shadow me? I work twelve plus hours a day. And during my free time, I cry in my one-bedroom enclosure, while eating ice screams in my lonely single-size bed, while wondering why I didn’t decide to go to the city and live my dreams as a concert pianist – but I remember why, and it’s because of this crippling carpal tunnel that I got from doing all this damn paperwork in this endless, suffocating, soul-crushing dead-end job! You wanna watch that? Up close? Of your own volition?!
  • Stepford Smiler: Thanks to her drastic change from a friendly and patient girl to being completely fed up and frustrated 24/7, as her facial expressions are the same as in the original. As such, while she appears all smiles from afar she makes it incredibly clear through her words that she's sick of everybody's shit.

    Spearman 

Played by Aaron Robert Parnell


  • Dumbass Has a Point: For as big an idiot he is, he does make some good points when acting as a teacher, even if only by accident, like when he tells an unarmored Goblin Slayer that an Adventurer should be able to adapt to their surroundings.
  • Glory Hound: He's more concerned with looking cool than doing a job according to Witch.
  • Idiot Hero: Not the smartest Adventurer around.
  • Mythology Gag: His canon self was already a big Captain Ersatz to Lancer/Cú Chulainn from Fate/stay night, but here Aaron Robert Parnell plays him, as Parnell plays Lancer in Fate/stay night [Unlimited Blade Works] Abridged. He even says an unarmored Goblin Slayer would make a great "Lancer Jr."
  • Perpetual Poverty: He was taken aback by Goblin Slayer's rapid agreement to pay him 10 000 gold coins to help him kill the Goblin Horde.
    Goblin Slayer: Wait, you don't have that much money, and you're a Silver Rank, what the fuck?

    Witch 

Played by KatastrofreeVA


  • Jerkass Has a Point: While she is more abrasive about it, her advice/warning to Priestess is not exactly wrong. Goblin Slayer is a man obssesed with goblins.
  • The Power of Hate: Learned how to make a "magic squirrel" out of spite towards Goblin Slayer.
  • Verbal Ticked: Her trademark slow pausing speech is revealed to be an act.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Episodes 2 and 5 give some hints of her being previously associated with Goblin Slayer (Being his companion) but something broke the team.

    Rookie Warrior 

  • The Berserker: Is revealed to have Warrior's Madness, which Goblin Slayer comments is a powerful tool for Barbarians.
  • Idiot Hero: Not the brightest when it comes to adventuring. Justified because he's a rookie.
  • Skewed Priorities: He spent a lot of money to get him and Rookie Cleric a theme song... based around their Embarrassing Nickname of Poop Patrol. Cleric isn't very happy with him for this, instead expressing a desire to take up the team name Titanstorm instead.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: He's terrified of bugs. Too bad a giant cockroach ate his sword.

    Rookie Cleric 

  • Straight Man: Amidst all the madness of the world and Goblin Slayer, she's the one left to express her dismay, disbelief, and distress for comedic effect.

    Sword Maiden 

Played by Laikachi


  • Brainwashed and Crazy: Inverted with her Familiar Linda, the dire crocodile. It's revealed in episode 5 that she was controlling the crocodile the party encountered, going after them only in an attempt to scare them before going after the group of goblins. However, the sight of the goblins causes her to Freak Out and pass out, which breaks her hold on the crocodile and allows her to go berserk.
  • Cannot Tell a Joke: Is fond of her "Sword Maiden Jokes" which really amounts to her denying being Sword Maiden and saying she can't read a map. That and pretending to sic Linda on the party for a laugh.
  • Divine Intervention: Goblin Slayer angrily notes that, as a priestess of her experience, she can essentially invoke this whenever she needs to. Considering the apparent inspiration of the source material, this isn't an exaggeration.
  • Freak Out: Even when controlling her monstrous familiar, the sight of goblins causes her to panic.
  • The Gadfly: She thought it'd be a good idea to send Linda to mess with team Goblin Slayer as a Sword Maiden prank, but the sight of the goblins caused her to faint and made Linda take over.
  • Secretly Selfish: Sword Maiden has been not-so-subtly trying to drive a wedge between Priestess and Goblin Slayer because she wants Goblin Slayer for herself. Goblin Slayer is anything but happy about her bringing him and the others to Water Town for selfish reasons when she could have called on literally anyone else to do the job of killing the goblins in the sewers, particularly since several of his companions very nearly suffered the same ugly fate she herself suffered or worse, as he spells out in his "Reason You Suck" Speech to her.
  • Sewer Gator: Linda, her familiar.
  • The Stoic: Much of her time onscreen has her speaking in a calm, motherly voice. Even in the few times she was annoyed her voice remained constantly collected.
    • Not So Stoic: That is until episode 5. After Goblin Slayer lays into her as mentioned above, she breaks out into a very much desperate plea to get him to stay, and breaks down crying when it fails and he leaves. Also, in a flashback showing her familiar attacking the group of goblins, it's revealed that the sight of the goblins drove her into a panic to the point of falling unconscious.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: She sent Linda to scare Goblin Slayer and co. as a prank before helping them against the goblins, but she fainted at the sight of the goblins, allowing Linda to take over, trying to kill the party.

    TITAN STORM! (A.K.A. Greenhorn Team) 

  • Adaptation Deviation: In Fighter's case, yes; once she gets overpowered by the hobgoblin, his buddies apparently just beat the shit out of her then strip her and steal all her clothes as opposed to... what they do to her in the source material.
  • Adaptational Jerkass: In addition to the overconfidence of their canon counterparts, the Abridged version of the Greenhorn Team are also jerks in some way or another. Warrior is especially insufferable, pissing off Wizard and Guild Girl in equal measure and also being quite dismissive of Priestess's concerns about the quest.
  • Doomed by Canon: Just like the source material, they don't make any real preparations for clearing out a goblin lair. They don't even have a plan beyond "go in and kill them all". Needless to say, mistakes are made, leading to Priestess and Fighter being the only survivors.
  • Idiot Hero: Warrior is the self-styled leader of Titan Storm. He considers Wizard, or "Magic Girl" as he calls her, the "weak link" on the sole basis of not being able to pull a rabbit out of her hat and doesn't know or care about the different kinds of magic (much to Wizard's aggravation), was the one who came up with the name of the team and even has a theme song. He even has a sword he calls "Endbringer" which he relies upon for navigation in the goblins' cave, which promptly gets the team lost. When Endbringer fails him (due to being too long to swing in the cave's narrow tunnels), Warrior promptly gets "Akame Ga Killed".
  • Never My Fault: Fighter accuses Priestess for not watching their rear. Fighter and Warrior were the ones to actively rush up ahead without even thinking of Priestess and Wizard being left behind.
  • Pointless Band-Aid: Warrior's "bandages" are nothing but Scotch tape that he put on himself primarily to look cool. To no one's surprise, Guild Girl calls him on this.
    Warrior: As you can see, we can get a little... banged-up every now and then.
    Guild Girl: That is Scotch tape. You're not wounded.
    Warrior: Well, I would have gotten real bandages, but someone couldn't evoke them for me!
    Wizard [starting to get pissed]: That is conjuration magic! I am an evocation mage!
    Warrior: Can you evoke a shit? Cause I don't give a shit!
  • Too Dumb to Live: All three of them are so lethally stupid and/or arrogant that Guild Girl flat out tells them she's been giving them easy quests to spare them from dying horribly for weeks. And once they recruit Priestess for the ill-fated goblin hunt, it doesn't even occur to them to bring any healing potions since A: Warrior blew all their money on his sword, Endbringer, and B: they believe Priestess' basic cure spell (a first-level Cure Light Wounds) will be enough for anything worse than a scratch while ignoring that at her current level, she can only use magic three times a day. This ends up getting Wizard killed after she's stabbed with a poisoned dagger, since the spell only closes the wound but doesn't repair any tissue damage or even neutralize the poison.

Monsters

    Goblins 

Played by


  • Always Chaotic Evil: The only good goblin is a dead goblin. Even their young have a propensity to trick and take advantage of others' innocence, if the Goblin Lord is anything to go by.
  • Ambiguously Related: A running gag is that Goblin Slayer is unsure whether or not elves are actually a type of goblin. The Goblin Lord states that they aren't, and that he checked.
  • Lunacy: Goblin Slayer believes as such. He says that the green of the larger moon manifested into evil, which then manifested into goblins, which then goblinated teleportation and went to Earth to cause chaos.
  • Mooks: They're very weak level monsters, usually treated as pests by the other guild members, and Goblin Slayer mows them down by the dozens.
  • Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: The series does not show what they do to women in a comedic light despite usually running on Rule of Funny. The one time it's close to being played for laughs is when Priestess explicitly says that the goblins just ripped off Fighter's clothes and did absolutely nothing else, and even then it's shown pretty seriously when it is happening.
  • Smurfing: Goblin Slayer refers to pretty much anything they do as "Goblinating." Oddly enough, he came up with the term as a portmanteau of goblin and exterminating, specifically referring to him exterminating goblins. Later episodes show that it is a term in goblin culture, according to the Goblin Lord.
  • The Unintelligible: Goblins speak in impish growls and gurgles. It's noted that it's rather rare for a goblin to be capable of speech; while the first speaking "goblin" was really an ogre that the group kept misidentifying as a particularly big goblin, the Goblin Lord can speak common. The Goblin Lord's henchgoblins also have some capacity for speech, but only rarely.

    The Ogre 

Played by


  • Half the Man He Used to Be: The water pressure from the Gate spell severs his fingers, hand, arms and entire lower body. He survives long enough for Goblin Slayer to deal the finishing blow.
  • Kill It with Water: An unusually realistic variant; Goblin Slayer uses his Gate he linked to the bottom of the ocean to spray the Ogre with so much water the pressure tears his body apart.
  • Large Ham: He basically screams everything he says he will do and does.
  • Oh, Crap!: Has a subdued version of this when he realizes he's about to be cut to ribbons by Goblin Slayer's Gate spell.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: When everyone else thinks the Ogre a giant goblin, Priestess meekly tells him that she knows he's not really a goblin. He angrily responds that he doesn't need her "pity" and is on "the top of [his] shit list". Needless to say, Priestess ends up calling him a "fuckin' goblin" out of spite.

    The Beholder 

Played by Coffinjockey


  • Ax-Crazy: It has a very clear Hair-Trigger Temper and attacks anything that comes near it.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: The pupil on The Beholder's main eye moves above the veins on its eye, as opposed to the eye moving around in a socket. Goblin Slayer thinks this is gross.
  • Catchphrase: HELLO?!
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: It rambles nonsense to itself, though while it isn't exactly word salad, it still barely makes sense. Dwarf Shaman lampshades this by saying that it doesn't look "all there" to him.
    Beholder: Are there some motherfuckers hiding down the hallway? Come into my field of vision! You guys speak Deep Speech? You immune to fire? I got fire! You still there? Hi? HELLO?!
  • Does Not Speak Common: It can neither speak nor understand Common.
  • Eldritch Abomination: A very comical take on the being, but it is still one nonetheless.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: If its reaction toward a rock being thrown near it is anything to go off of.
    Beholder: What the fuck, yo? A rock? You throw a fucking rock at me? Here, here's what I think of your rock. Fuck you! (Wave-Motion Gun's the rock)
  • Language Barrier: It can't understand a thing Goblin Slayer and his crew are saying on the grounds that it only understands and speaks Deep Speech.
  • No-Sell: Subverted, at least by Dwarf's expectations. Beholders should be immune to magic, but he manages to successfully cast Deep Slumber on it and put it to sleep.
  • Sdrawkcab Speech: This is what Deep Speech is, and it's the only language that The Beholder can understand.
  • Shown Their Work: While a little out there, this Beholder acts as Beholders are said to do so in D&D text books; constantly paranoid and overactive, fearing that anything and everything wants to kill it.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: It has a propensity to say "Fuck" or any of its variants every other sentence.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: If anything The Beholder says can be taken at face value, something as simple as a rock hitting its central eye can kill it.

    The Goblin Lord 

  • Adaptational Badass: In the original series, Goblin Slayer was merely distracting him so Priestess could trap him for an easy kill. Not so here; GS was legitimately trying to win, and Goblin Lord damn near killed him.
  • Adaptational Intelligence: Here, he can talk, which is more than his original self could do.
  • Bad Boss: Responds to Bandana Goblin insulting him by squashing him. Later, when his plans fall apart, he just sends all his men to die while he runs back to his cave.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He feigned learning his lesson and asking for a second chance back when he was a child, and averted death and killed an adventurer for it. He tries it again against Priestess, but she's learnt that the only good goblin is a dead goblin.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Genuinely cares for his wolf pack, having raised them each himself. He's devastated to learn they've been killed raiding the farm.
  • General Failure: Played with. His tactics during the farm siege could actually have been effective under normal circumstances, but unfortunately for him he's up against Goblin Slayer, who is able to direct the other Adventurers into countering whatever the Lord throws at them.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: He's the smartest of the goblins, which really isn't saying much.
  • Large Ham: Always speaks in a loud, bombastic manner, especially when rallying his troops.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike: Like Goblin Slayer, he had to check that Elves weren't a type of goblin.

    The Mad Mage 

  • Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: From his title, his picture, and the fact that GS and HEA reach his dungeon through the Yawning Portal Tavern, the Mad Mage is clearly Halastar Blackcloak from the Forgotten Realms, but, true to the abridged series' source material, goes unnamed.
  • Original Generation: He was created for the Adventure Time! short and does not exist in the main series.
  • The Unfought: Normally, adventurers faced him in groups of two or three, making them easy pickings for him, but rather recently an entire horde of adventurers showed up and swarmed him. By the time HEA and GS get there, all that's left in his dungeon is the Goblin Lich.

    Goblin Lich 

  • Original Generation: Like the Mad Mage, he was created for the Adventure Time! short.
  • Our Liches Are Different: A goblin lich specifically. He has a phylactery that grants him resurrective immortality, but he pleads that it be removed before Goblin Slayer can torture him.

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