This page is for the reasonable and not-at-all sarcastic Aesops presented in A Certain Magical Index and its Spinoffs
- You must Always Save the Girl. Always. Even if you've only known her for a few minutes, are in a foreign country, or even if she tried to kill you not too long ago, you must immediately drop everything and risk life and limb (sometimes literally) to save her from whatever problem she's facing. In doing so, she will fall in love with you and join your harem.
- If the girl says she can take care of the issue herself, don't listen to her. Her attempts to fix things will inevitably fail, and she will need to be rescued. Conversely, don't bother asking for help from your significantly more powerful female allies, even if they're begging you to let them help — They'll just get hurt, and that would be bad. Meanwhile...
- Always be sure to throw yourself headfirst into danger, and completely ignore the injuries you will suffer as a result or are currently suffering. Don't worry, a trip to the hospital will have you right as rain for the next body-shattering danger you'll face next (though to be fair, they have a really good doctor).
- In fact, you better not waste time recuperating in the hospital either — more than likely your friends are involved in some life-or-death battle of their own that they will lose unless you show up Just in Time to save the day.
- The only way to be useful at all is if you are lucky enough to:
- Be born with a special power (ideally, one that destroys every other power that exists).
- Develop an overpowered ability (except if there are people stronger than you. In that case, you'll be useless against the 'real' threats).
- Be lucky in general.
- All of the world's issues, including deep-seated resentment, a military coup, and World War III brought about by a guy with a god complex, can be solved by finding the mastermind, telling them that they're not living their life correctly, and then punching them in the face. They will thereafter become your ally, no matter how entrenched their beliefs were beforehand. And if they're female, they will fall in love with you and join your harem.
- Don't buy too many souvenirs when travelling abroad. Otherwise, you might cause an archangel to fall out of heaven which will then try to nuke the northern hemisphere. This will also give the Big Bad the means to enact his Evil Plan!
- Experimenting on young children, including invasive injection of drugs, brain probing, and hypnosis, is not just OK — it's awesome because it gives them Psychic Powers!
- The best way to increase your strength in magic is to completely abandon your identity and to adopt one of some mythological figure instead. They're way cooler than you can ever hope to be.
- Kicking vending machines will net you free drinks.
- Even if you're hideously poor, to the point you can barely afford basic food essentials, never ever compromise on styling your Spiky Hair.
- Hey, did that guy whom you owe your life to and are in love with annoy you slightly, even for reasons outside his control? What a jerk! Bite/Zap/Dropkick him!
- Being constantly thrown into life-or-death situations will develop your awareness to the point you can dodge supersonic attacks! (instead of, y'know, giving you PTSD).
- The best way to stop a reality warping Physical Goddess is to annoy her until she gives up. When she does, she will realise that she loves you and will join your harem.
- Pining after the guy who saved you that one time even when it's clear he will never know who you are due to brain damage is a perfectly understandable and sympathetic backstory!
- If you develop a new system of abilities in order to oppose the existing system, you should only bother developing the strongest under that new system. And maybe your backup plan. Maybe.
- If there is a rumor about a shady, untested and potentially unsafe method to rapidly boosting your psychic power, you should take it! Risking your life for a possibility of gaining a supernatural power, no matter how short-lived it would be, is better than nothing.
- Did you take that power boost and fall into a coma as a result? Tough luck, it's your fault — You didn't try hard enough to develop your powers on your own!
- The best way to rehabilitate villains, if all attempts to reason with them failed, is by kicking their asses and make them realize that you will kick their asses harder unless they behave. That's right. Violence is not the answer. It is the question, and the answer is yes!
- Losing your memory is not all that bad. Especially if you find out that the person you used to be before losing memory was a lazy student who barely did his homework, to the point that it was easier to find manga and video game collection that finding textbooks in your own room. Now you can fix your reputation at school and hope you will not need to repeat a grade.
- In other words, are you a lazy, stupid delinquent who finds himself constantly goofing off with his pals rather than take school seriously? Want to turn your life around so it means something more in the grand scheme of things? Just develop complete retrograde amnesia so you can start from a Blank Slate!
- The world is a huge place, with many differing cultures, histories, and especially languages...but don't bother about learning any of that. Instead, rely on the fact that everyone important whom you associate with will know the language that you speak instead, because as we know, Academy City is the centre of the universe.
- If you kill over 10,000 clones for whatever reasons — especially if those clones are proven to be sentient and can bleed like normal human — normally you would get sentenced to death. But if you are a good looking boy with white hair and have a rare, near impenetrable Attack Reflector power, you will be redeemed. The one person who can bypass your power will forgive you after delivering a couple of punches to your face and everyone else is too scared to call you out.
